accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

No, today’s post title is not related to my dating misadventures! Thankfully, the phase of dating hideous boys ended in my 20s.  Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, written by David Foster Wallace (RIP), was a collection of short stories in which men were interviewed about their attitudes and behaviors with women.

The book was adapted into a film of the same name, directed by The Office actor,  John Krasinski. I should have read the book first because I would be interested to see more of how David Foster Wallace drew conclusions about masculinity, what it means to be a man, and fatherhood.

A few of the interviews were meant to be humorous, but some were thought-provoking. The film explores the sometimes “dark” male interactions with women. What struck me most was the kind of emotions that actually drove their behavior. I know some men like to proclaim that they are simple in their wants and needs. I can’t argue that point much, but I would take it further and say that the things that shape a man’s desires, attitudes, and behavior can be quite complex. Would you agree?

Do you think women should put more effort in exploring the character of the men they date? We can figure out what he likes to eat, what makes him get turned on, or what his favorite sports teams are; but what about what drives him? How can a woman get closer to someone if he is emotionally guarded to the point that he doesn’t find it easy to let people in? Should she give up or be patient?

Guys, can you tell when a woman is looking to really get to know you? Are you generally guarded with women that you date in the beginning? Do you find ways to show her who you truly are? How would she know it?

362 comments Add your comment

abc

January 26th, 2010
12:47 pm

Men and women alike would be better served to examine each others character as much, or more, than superficial aspects of appearance, food and clothing preferences, sports enjoyed, etc. To not do so can be described as ‘taking it too fast’, and disappointment is likely to be the result.

While it may be easy to appeal to a man on such a superficial level, men who look no further than that are worth a woman’s avoidance. While a woman can likewise be overly influenced by the appearance of success and power, if that’s all it takes to capture her devotion, then likewise, you get what you pay for.

Matters of character are the most important ingredients in a relationship that lasts. Ignoring them might satisfy short term gratifications, but those can lead to at least some degree of regret — if not for you yourself, then for the one you’ll eventually marry. I think that’s a point worth making: men who take advantage of shallow women are abusing another man’s future wife, and taking something away from their own future wife; women who avail themselves of shallow men are using another woman’s future husband, and taking something away from their own future husband. If you gave a flip about the actual well-being of those you casually hook up with, and ‘the one’ when you finally find them, you’d probably pull up well short.

Professor

January 26th, 2010
12:47 pm

DreamsM you made a good point courage! There is a question and the author is unknown according to the magnet on my refrigerator. What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?

I will tell you this I have looked at that magnet a thousand times at least, but courage, or lack of courage made me answer that question only a few times. Guess what the few times I answered that question I told myself that God does not give us fear, so I am working on attempting my dreams and plans with courage and not fear. Maybe, after I complete these dreams I will ask myself that question again. As for love, I must say I am still a novice…

I am whatever you say I am

January 26th, 2010
12:50 pm

@ Professor: Yes Quali!!!!
There are a lot of quality men and women out there that folks won’t pay attention to because they don’t have the nice car, job, house, x amount of dollars, coca-cola bottle shape, weave, etc…..

I rather have the man that drives a sanford and son truck that loves me like no other versus a guy with a better car and more money but doesn’t spend time with me and is not real.

I am whatever you say I am

January 26th, 2010
12:51 pm

@ Professor: Yes Quality!!!!
There are a lot of quality men and women out there that folks won’t pay attention to because they don’t have the nice car, job, house, x amount of dollars, coca-cola bottle shape, weave, etc…..

I rather have the man that drives a sanford and son truck that loves me like no other versus a guy with a better car and more money but doesn’t spend time with me and is not real.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

January 26th, 2010
12:51 pm

@ Dreams “The guy saw something that he felt could enhance the rest of his life, and he had the courage to pursue it”

This brings a thought to mind…maybe we have become the way we are with regard to dating, as well as in other areas of lie, in our society because we all believe we have more time than we actually do. So I wonder if the fact that ole boy was about to head off to war with a large possibility that he wouldn’t return, played a part in his decision making. If all of our life expectanies decreased (hypothetically speaking) I wonder if it would change how we viewed the value/nonvalue of things we allow in our lives or put up with.

Professor

January 26th, 2010
12:51 pm

@For Real…when you say you can see ole boy getting popped. Are you saying ole girl has someone else? I am thinking you are saying no one is truly free these days…that we all have a get-it-going-partner, or BM-BD or something.

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
12:52 pm

abc great post seriously and nonya you pulled my card and i screamed such a visual learner!!!! LOL great point and post but moving forward is the theme!!!:)

Melo

January 26th, 2010
12:54 pm

the Vegas pics are out! so f’n sexy!

@Angie….umhmmmmmm…

sorry for coming so hard on u for ur pudsy dangling yesterday! :lol:

ehhhh..lemmme clear my throat…..!

Can I have the Vegas pics?(raw unedited versions) :lol:

Nonya

January 26th, 2010
12:58 pm

@ Professor – my pastor teaches that “faith” and “fear” are identical. It is only how we RESPOND to the situation that determines which title the obstacle owns. So you’ve got the right idea…as long as you’re consistently stepping towards what you want to gain/accomplish, you can keep “fear” in check. That goes for love, too!

Professor

January 26th, 2010
1:01 pm

@Nonya thanks for sharing that message. I am going to remember that, because I refuse to lead my life or even parts of my life in fear.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

January 26th, 2010
1:01 pm

I think getting to know someone is more than just a Q & A session. It’s about interacting with that person in different environments, how they treat you as well as others and how there actions match up to their words

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
1:02 pm

agree slim….

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2010
1:03 pm

Whats good Party People!

Im lurking mostly today, ya’ll seem to be holding it down! :0)

For Real

January 26th, 2010
1:05 pm

“I am thinking you are saying no one is truly free these days…that we all have a get-it-going-partner, or BM-BD or something.” – No I’m talking about the crazy factor that seems so prevalent today.

Sassy Me....Soldier of Love :-)

January 26th, 2010
1:06 pm

Slim ditto on that 1:01.

Professor

January 26th, 2010
1:07 pm

Hey Mo!

I remember you mentioning New Orleans before, please tell me you are NOT a Saints fan?

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 26th, 2010
1:08 pm

Mo – Can I marry you.. I see you on the blog and youre just what I like.. So sight unseen I am shruggin off my fear and propsing today.. Meet me on the corner of Glenwood and Candler at about 4 ish at the pawn shop so we can pick out a ring..

Sassy Me....Soldier of Love :-)

January 26th, 2010
1:08 pm

Mo are you still going to see Eric Roberson on 2/14? I still plan to go but my side piece wants to go but I don’t really feel like that…I want to go solo.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 26th, 2010
1:09 pm

@abc

I saw the dig. But, from my perspective if both parties are coming into it with honest intentions, that shows. Likewise dishonest intentions are easy to spot as well.

Character, or the lack of it, is revealed in subtle and distinctive ways. The time horizon doesn’t change that for better, or worse.

@Nonya

I was always taught that faith is the power to overcome fear…

Professor

January 26th, 2010
1:09 pm

@For Real- gotcha! How did I miss that, and I have had some stalkers before? Otay it is time for some lernch.

Nonya

January 26th, 2010
1:17 pm

@ Dan – don’t you have to respond in some way in order to overcome it? You either do nothing, or you do something. If you choose to do something, then yes…you have used your faith to overcome fear. The initial problem is still the same…it’s what you did about it that determined the outcome.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2010
1:17 pm

Slim Yeah the urgency of a situation can affect our outlook and our actions. I’m sure we’d all be more prudent in our behaviors if KNEW our time was limited.

kimmie

January 26th, 2010
1:17 pm

Beautiful – Back from lunch, saw your earlier post. Personally, I think that when a couple gets engaged, they should already have completed that “getting to know” phase. Yes, I know you find out more about a person over the course of your life with them. But at the stage of engagement, you should already “know”. JMO

Beautiful

January 26th, 2010
1:20 pm

i love this pic of me. its hard for me to take a decent pic:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?viewas=499458919

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2010
1:20 pm

If faith is “identical” to fear, then is courage identical to being a non-believer?

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 26th, 2010
1:24 pm

@Voice

Think about your question to MDot:

A million dollars is worthless, until I (or someone else) gives it value.

In the case of your example him chasing a million dollars, or being chased by it, is only as valuable as he deems it to be. And not everyone is ready to see or assign value.

Luvbug

January 26th, 2010
1:25 pm

Melo

January 26th, 2010
1:27 pm

I luvs ur pics Angie!

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 26th, 2010
1:35 pm

@VoiceOf Reason

Oh I get it. I come back to this, lol. Ok. Let me address….

First off, no one is angry. We were just discussing the topic and we all can have an opionion. Freedom!

Second, just because someone is dating doesnt automatically mean they will be dealing with a hoodrat. So that’s a shallow comment. I mentioned the curves, weave, and cookie as a point of reference. Like Sassy said, that’s what the average guy wants. Even from you. Im sure you have been a jumpoff before. Its part of the game.

Let me ask you, you seem kinda bitter. Did you spend most of your 20’s, and 30’s trying to chase an Al B. Sure lookalike and you just ended up where you are alone and bitter? Don’t get mad because he didnt choose you. Step your game up so the next time you are in the game you have a chance to win.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 26th, 2010
1:44 pm

I cant see the Pic.. Whats the deal..

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2010
1:46 pm

Professor – Hell Naw I aint a Saints fan chica! LOL! Now my ex-hubby is a born-n-bred NO man so they are trying to convert Lil Mo! It aint happening… :mad: Whats good chica!

Sassy – I still plan on going solo! Tell sidepiece to let you have this one, he can reap the rewards later! LOL

Infamous – Make that 5-ish and I gotchu Boo. :wink:

Melo

January 26th, 2010
1:51 pm

Whats the deal..

@DK

u have not been favored with the passwrd..u need a passwrd to get in those pics…..

They h0wtt! (hot) :lol:

Professor

January 26th, 2010
1:53 pm

LOL thanks Mo girl I am turning on these Saints fans, so I am trying to stay away from them…lol

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
1:56 pm

part 2 in full affect!!! LOL

Hey Mo!!!1 you betta not cross over!!! Doug from 2liveStews was like we should bc they are in the South I think not the colts all the way!:)

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 26th, 2010
1:57 pm

Beauty – My e-mail is Atlalien@yahoo.com.. I wanna see..

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 26th, 2010
1:59 pm

Look now Mo.. Im looking for me an upward Mobile Decatur Chicka now.. So dont play.. Just meet me at Candler Road Pawn Shop they have a better selection..

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
1:59 pm

killing me with the decatur proposal!!!LMAO!

VoiceOf Reason

January 26th, 2010
2:04 pm

@ M. (pronouced M dot)

I’m happily married, which is probably why I’m never at this blog and just barely in my 30’s……and from your constant reference to the cookie (don’t blame me, you keep doing this to yourself) I’m guessing you’re part of the Over Fifty and Exhauste Tribe and Steve Harvey is your leader?

Never been a jump off, never will be….had it locked down since I was old enough to drink. You see, I am one of those million dollar bills, while you, well, I guess you ARE one of those average guys that Sassy was talking about.

You better let the anger go and get yourself together. I’m positive that you have lived more years than you are due left to live and it would just tear me apart to see you die just as cold, lonely and stupid as you are at this very moment. I believe in you, even if you don’t believe in yourself.

*sad face*

Professor

January 26th, 2010
2:08 pm

I really hate to say this, but VoiceOf Reason is on to something…

abc

January 26th, 2010
2:12 pm

Dan, I meant no personal criticism, if that’s what you mean.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2010
2:12 pm

Lady J – i had a friend say the same thing about supporting the Saints. I cant do it! As a devoted Falcons fan I just cant do it! And I can rest assured that Infamous is going to do me right ….

Professor – my inlaws tried to get me but I aint having it! I’ll eat with them (gumbo and all that) but I cant support the Saints

Infamous – Im witcha mayne but if this pawn shop is trippin you might have to see anotha side of me early on…..jes sayin….

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 26th, 2010
2:12 pm

@VoiceOf Reason

LOL you are funny. I am far from everything you said. I dont know you or your husband; I am just glad he took you off the market and out of our way on the dating landscape. Somebody had to settle. I’m just glad they didnt pick me.

But hey, I’ll make a deal with you. Ask him tonight an honest question:

Say baby, if you situation changed for the better in your life would you still be with me?

I’ll answer for him. Probably NO. He probably settled for a sassy, domineering woman like yourself because he didn’t have any other options back then. But if things change now, you better pack your suitcase and believe he is leaving. For real, ask him tonight. His facial expression will tell it all.

Done with you.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 26th, 2010
2:13 pm

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
2:14 pm

ok we cool chica and Iowe you a drank!!!! LOL!!! You my girl!:)

Professor

January 26th, 2010
2:14 pm

Mo I am with you I eat that food…gumbo and all once my tummy is full and my plate is clean I start back talking about the Saints and my disdain for them. My NO friend is cooking for Superbowl so I am getting my tummy ready.

Melo

January 26th, 2010
2:16 pm

Somebody had to settle.

:lol: :lol:

Uall are funny!

Professor

January 26th, 2010
2:18 pm

Melo you got quite for a minute I thought you were “rocking” to Beautiful’s pics, since your hands were not on the keyboard! :wink:

VoiceOf Reason

January 26th, 2010
2:18 pm

@ M. (pronouced M dot)

Okay, I’ll ask…..I promise….just cause some random guy on an ajc blog asked me to do so.

Now, do ME a favor. Turn to your wife…., oh, wait… (I welcome fellow bloggers to fill in your own punchline here. No reason for me to have all the fun!)

Lady J

January 26th, 2010
2:19 pm

proff I am still hungry and the thought of NO cusine made my stomach move to the left….so ready to get up out this piece today!!!! LOL

Melo

January 26th, 2010
2:19 pm

rocking” to Beautiful’s pics, since your hands were not on the keyboard!

u dont even know how hard I laughed at that one…. :lol: :lol:

(i have a weird sense of humour!)