Brief Interviews with Hideous Men
No, today’s post title is not related to my dating misadventures! Thankfully, the phase of dating hideous boys ended in my 20s. Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, written by David Foster Wallace (RIP), was a collection of short stories in which men were interviewed about their attitudes and behaviors with women.
The book was adapted into a film of the same name, directed by The Office actor, John Krasinski. I should have read the book first because I would be interested to see more of how David Foster Wallace drew conclusions about masculinity, what it means to be a man, and fatherhood.
A few of the interviews were meant to be humorous, but some were thought-provoking. The film explores the sometimes “dark” male interactions with women. What struck me most was the kind of emotions that actually drove their behavior. I know some men like to proclaim that they are simple in their wants and needs. I can’t argue that point much, but I would take it further and say that the things that shape a man’s desires, attitudes, and behavior can be quite complex. Would you agree?
Do you think women should put more effort in exploring the character of the men they date? We can figure out what he likes to eat, what makes him get turned on, or what his favorite sports teams are; but what about what drives him? How can a woman get closer to someone if he is emotionally guarded to the point that he doesn’t find it easy to let people in? Should she give up or be patient?
Guys, can you tell when a woman is looking to really get to know you? Are you generally guarded with women that you date in the beginning? Do you find ways to show her who you truly are? How would she know it?
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362 comments Add your comment
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
11:46 am
Luv – Not really cause you have to earn a ride on the scream machine.. I may be freaky but Im not easy..
Sassy Me....Soldier of Love :-)
January 26th, 2010
11:48 am
alot of guys get caught up on the fact that she has a cookie and automatically give her the job rather than qualifying her for the position. What else does she have to offer besides the cookie, curves, and a weave?
M dot I agree with that because I’ve seen guys with lots of kids and baby mamas that got caught up b/c she was “fine”. Gladly there are men who require more and won’t be all star struck for the cookie or willing to jump through some entitled woman’s hoops for it.
For Real
January 26th, 2010
11:53 am
Just Pointing out some facts to further the convo:
“Maybe you just panicked when you say I was writing directly to you and assumed anything I was going to say was going to be negative.”
11:08 – “I am sooooo scared of any woman that comes you’re way.”
11:44 – “(And this point, I feel even MORE sorry for the women coming your way).”
VoiceOf Reason
January 26th, 2010
11:57 am
@ For Real
Thanks for pointing out some of my finer points…..I always enjoy a good quote. Another angry man that can’t read humor…more paranoia I presume.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 26th, 2010
11:57 am
I noticed that too 4Real:
Theres:
What in the world…..I’m never in this blog. Ever! And have never posted before. Paranoid much?
And;
And based on your love of the cookie (fa real?), curves and weaves that you keep mentioning,…
And MDot has not mentioned weaves today. Methinks there be contradiction.
I am whatever you say I am
January 26th, 2010
11:57 am
@ VoiceOf Reason: Thank you Thank you. You are far too kind!
Taking a bow.
VoiceOf Reason
January 26th, 2010
11:58 am
@ For Real and M. Dot
I’ll make sure to make girly little happy faces next to my remarks next time as to not confuse you.
Professor
January 26th, 2010
11:59 am
Hola!
I am going to lurk ‘n learn on this topic. I really do not feel like sharing, but I am in the listening mood.
I would love some wings, though…
Off topic: For Real if I did not know any better I would think we were cool the way you always mention me and money! That is cool, though…
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:01 pm
I’m anticipating HH on this beautiful chilly Tuesday….the end is near with hope! LOL!
yall are funny too!!!
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:01 pm
me too professor I’m hungry! lol hello too
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:02 pm
Hello Lady J, Leggs, and Melo
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:03 pm
@DK, For Real
so what do you say to a man who ask a woman to marry him within 3 mos? hmmm. there’s a blogger on here that did that.
VoiceOf Reason
January 26th, 2010
12:04 pm
@ Dan
He sure did mention weaves. He made about a gazillion comments, maybe you got tired after reading 35 or so?
VoiceOf Reason
January 26th, 2010
12:05 pm
@ Dan
Ummm, oh yeah, I forgot….. *smiley face* There, feel better?
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
12:06 pm
Beauty – Ummmm Thats not for me.. Personally I think it would take a little more time to get to know someone but for him lightning might have struck and he’s all in.. You cant ever say because it might have worked out like that for them.. Key word.. Them..
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 26th, 2010
12:08 pm
@Voice
I stand corrected. He mention it today. Once.
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:10 pm
@DK
exactly. so don’t always assume that i’m wrong or way off base. there’s not one right answer to this topic.
my co-worker married after two weeks of meeting her husband. they’ve been married for three yrs now. and they are the most cutest happiest loving couple. i so adore them.
Run4life
January 26th, 2010
12:10 pm
@Voice of Reason…Let me ask…..would you ever chase a million dollar bill or keep walking in the hopes that it will chase you?
Love it, love it, love it. Best comment of the day!
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:12 pm
Beautiful/DK…
Years ago I read an article where this man proposed to his wife after knowing her like 8-10 hours. The kicker was this he was headed off to war, and they met his last day. He said he felt a connection and did not want to lose his soulmate. The guy mentioned saying something like this, “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I know enough about you to know we are soulmates and I want you to be my wife. I love you and don’t want to lose you.” The article mentioned they had been married over 50 years. They wrote letters and when he came back he married her immediately the 8-10 hours together was the most in-person time they had prior to the wedding.
I know that was in a different era, but I found it cool.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
12:12 pm
Beauty – Im not saying its not possible.. Because it is what it was..
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
January 26th, 2010
12:12 pm
Lunch time…i’m starving for some reason.
@4Real, can you feed the CT while I run out? I just don’t feel like dealing with that dayum carseat today.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
12:15 pm
Prof – I would love to meet somebody like that.. Where the connection is soo strong that I just wanna be with ya forever..
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:18 pm
@DK
gotcha!
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:19 pm
Dk I think that would be great, but I wonder if it would scare me. Or do you think the connection is so powerful that fear goes out the window? Regardless it is a beautiful thing…
I am whatever you say I am
January 26th, 2010
12:20 pm
@ Professor : I believe that quality versus quanity is the key.
I’ve heard of people knowing each other for less than a week and stayed married for 25+ years and then people that have known each others for years that divorced shortly after.
My dad proposed to my mom after 4 months and they are still married.
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:21 pm
it would scare me professor…lol…how do we handle fear….
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:22 pm
connection like that IS beautiful. i wouldn’t be scared at all. i would go for it!
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:22 pm
@I am…I think you are on to something quality is key. Sometimes I think timing is important too. A lot of the “happy couples” I know were ready for love…all of the games and gimmicks had been laid to rest. That superfical and shallow mess was out the door they wanted love…forever, and they could careless about weave and what kind of car dude was driving. Those folks were looking at the person, not the fluff.
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:24 pm
is it ok to think that oneis better off single or is there somebody really for everbody…hmmmm
DreamsMaterialize
January 26th, 2010
12:26 pm
You can get to know a guy by being genuinely interested and not being afraid to ask things that are truly important to you. If there’s something you want to know, ask it up front. Otherwise you set yourself up for the “omission” game. You know the one: “If you had asked me about that, I would have told you.”
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
12:29 pm
Prof – I think it would scare me at first but the more I saw her fitting into the equation that connection would make me wanna get to know more..
Nonya
January 26th, 2010
12:32 pm
Regarding Professor’s 12:12 – IMO, at some point in our adult dating lives, chances are we have indeed met someone with that “forever connection.” But being the humans that we are, we don’t realize it because we’re always searching for someone/something better. Lets be honest – how many of us can look back and clearly see our one that got away, simply because of our own immaturity and/or fear? Whether we admit it or not, a lot of us subscribe to the “too good to be true” theory.
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:32 pm
@I am…I think you are on to something quality is key. Sometimes I think timing is important too. A lot of the “happy couples” I know were ready for love…all of the games and gimmicks had been laid to rest. That superfical and shallow mess was out the door they wanted love…forever, and they could careless about weave and what kind of car dude was driving. Those folks were looking at the person, not the fluff.
POST OF THE DAY TO ME!!!! Get it Proff!!!!:)
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:33 pm
Beautiful~ I guess I am a little chicken…
Lady J I sort of wonder if the power of love will erase that fear. Plus I watch too much 20/20 when the con wo/men take folks for everything they have in the name of L.O.V.E.
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:33 pm
so I guess I am NOT ready and it is OK buddy! lol
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:34 pm
me too sis I watch too much too…lol
Poppa Grande
January 26th, 2010
12:34 pm
Good afternoon….
What my life brought to the table? Her degrees and money didn’t really impress me. I have a degree and pocket full of money. However, she trusts and respects me. She has not made me pay for whatever her former love interests did to hurt her. She understands that I have dreams of my own and actually supports and helps me obtain those dreams. She and I fit into each others lives seamlessly. Neither of us had to go out of our way to make time for the other. I loved the fact that she knew what she wanted and went after it. She isn’t wishy washy. She is pretty much a straight shooter. She will tell me exactly what is on her mind (whether I ask for it or not). I always know where I stand with her. No playing games.
With that all said, she does bring her own special kind of crazy, too. However, I have stated on this blog, “I know the crazy with which I live.” However, she apparently brought something to table. I proposed after 8 months of dating. This is a program that I got with, and I really don’t regret one minute of it.
As for my single days, I remember dating female and getting that vibe that they were interested. However, sometimes I wanted to get to know them better and sometimes (for various reasons) I didn’t want.
Sometimes I got with girls because I could. Being a football player at a SEC school makes “kitty” easily accessible. Being on an NFL roster in the North was almost as popular as being a college football player in the south, so northern kitty was pretty much accessible.
Then, one day I just got bored with it. I needed a new challenge other than hooking up with new kitty. I wanted to get it one and see if I could keep recycling the same kitty into new kitty.
Chris Broe
January 26th, 2010
12:34 pm
What are you asking us, Momania? Who wrote the book of love? Or are you asking what are the Four F’s?
I’m so confused.
For Real
January 26th, 2010
12:36 pm
“@4Real, can you feed the CT while I run out? I just don’t feel like dealing with that dayum carseat today.” – Sho will you know I don’t ever, eva mind taking care of CT but I need 7 bibbs cause the other are dirty.
Prof/DK/Beautiful: If I ever ran into that type of connection I still would not rush in cause if it’s that strong time will not matter. And as Prof said it was a different era when that example took place. If that happens now I can see ole boy getting himself shot.
Melo
January 26th, 2010
12:36 pm
Hey Proff!
Regarding ur 12.12 cple who connected in few hors..how many times,on this blog,have we heard u females say,if a dude is mentioning marriage,have “my” babies etc on the few dates u go out,RUN?
Connection For U….
It is possible,YES..but it wont happen unless u prepared to take the risk.
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:37 pm
Nonya yeah you are right but it got away for many of a reasons beyond one person’s flaws it didn’t work and we let go….am I following you correctly…I do agree most persons are looking for a flawless perseon especially the older they get and that is son not the case…its called set in their ways and they get fine with being single to the max…i think…lol
DreamsMaterialize
January 26th, 2010
12:40 pm
Prof I think that article is an ultimate test of courage. The guy saw something that he felt could enhance the rest of his life, and he had the courage to pursue it. Do we always have the courage to pursue our happiness, even if it’s obviously right in front of us?
THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING
January 26th, 2010
12:41 pm
For Real – True.. I would definitely noster the relationship but I would want it to marinate and see what the deal is fer sure.. Hey but Im an Aquarius so I can be a little Romantical.
$Bill
January 26th, 2010
12:41 pm
Do you think women should put more effort in exploring the character of the men they date? …what about what drives him?
I say just be yourself and don’t interrogate men for the wrongs of other men. Give me a clean slate and we’ll work out fine. If your guard is up, mine will be too.
Should she give up or be patient? This is a microwave society and everyone waits things yesterday. I can be patient, but I want to fell fulfilled as well.
Can you tell when a woman is looking to really get to know you? Yes, when we can FREELY communicate and laugh without the pressure.
Do you find ways to show her who you truly are? I’ll be myself, open and transparent. My time will be her time if her time…
Get it?
Professor
January 26th, 2010
12:42 pm
@Lady J…thanks!
@Melo…you are so right maybe he is saying it wrong by mentioning the babies first…just kidding!
@Nonya…you are correct I let a good one get away and the blame was 85% my fault…I will give him 15% of the blame for staying so dayum long when he should have left.
$Bill
January 26th, 2010
12:44 pm
Do you think women should put more effort in exploring the character of the men they date? …what about what drives him?
I say just be yourself and don’t interrogate men for the wrongs of other men. Give me a clean slate and we’ll work out fine. If your guard is up, mine will be too.
Should she give up or be patient? This is a microwave society and everyone waits things yesterday. I can be patient, but I want to fell fulfilled as well.
Can you tell when a woman is looking to really get to know you? Yes, when we can FREELY communicate and laugh without the pressure.
Do you find ways to show her who you truly are? I’ll be myself, open and transparent. My time will be her time if her time…
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:45 pm
the Vegas pics are out! so f’n sexy! there were three ppl who partied with cameras strapped to their wrist. snap’n everythang that moved. lol. there’s close to 1,000! whoa!
i miss them already. dang!
Beautiful ♥ spoke with DaCl about the feelings thing. We agreed friendship comes 1st!
January 26th, 2010
12:45 pm
@For Real
it still happens today. sorry charlie!
Lady J
January 26th, 2010
12:46 pm
hmmmm $Bill sound like someone I know personally no pun intended just seem like I heard that before….lol
Nonya
January 26th, 2010
12:46 pm
@ Lady J – thankfully, I know that there are no flawless people and I’ve learned to accept (or not) the men that I meet as they are. I do agree that people tend to get set in their ways and that’s such a sad thing. We often times miss meeting quality individuals because of our own mindset. I met someone back in the mid 90’s that I had that connection with…I can’t say it didn’t work, because I never gave it a chance. Thought it was “crazy” to have that insta-click with a man and kept it moving. If I knew then what I know now…lol!