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Billboard of Shame

If you happened to have missed the headlines last week, Atlanta was one of the cities included in the “vengeance by billboard” by YaVaugnie Wilkins.

Billboard
Photo Credit: AJC

There is certainly a lot that is not being told about the couple’s history. Mr. Phillips made his public statement about an 8-year relationship with Ms. Wilkins. I think what struck me the most was how a relationship ends up like this after such a long time.

The whole saga seems deeper than “hell hath no fury”. Maybe it is a cautionary tale about how well we know the people we are dating or committed to. Do you think a person can conceal an entire marriage without showing any signs?

What happens when someone is not the person they portray themselves to be? If you found out that you had been dating a married person, how would you react?

What is it about love gone wrong that makes us want to exact revenge, anyway? Have you ever gone out of your way to humiliate or embarrass someone who betrayed you? Did it make you feel better?

Do you think we have a sense of entitlement when it comes to breakups? Are we owed some type of retribution for being hurt?

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Just Being Me

January 26th, 2010
12:01 pm

*Have you ever gone out of your way to humiliate or embarrass someone who betrayed you? Did it make you feel better?*

I just wanted to chime in, if I may. I have gone out of my way to humiliate AND embarass someone who betrayed me. But it didn’t make me feel better in the least… lol.

I was in the picture perfect domestic partnership for nearly four years. We entertained on a regular basis, throwing dinner parties and hosting other celebratory gatherings with friends… we were the couple all our friends admired. Never argued and rarely had spats or disagreements. We got along great and really LIKED each other in addition to being in love. We had a child together, a dog, three cats, a house, two cars, and two great careers.

Almost overnight, things started changing… my perfect relationship started going downhill and my ex would pick fights with me, stay out late, take late phone calls and just act strange. I suspected infidelity but was repeatedly derided for suggesting such a thing and accused of insecurity and jealousy.

To make a long story short, in the end… on Valentine’s Day, no less, my ex moved out with no notice at all and moved in with the new chick. From that point on, things got even uglier. All the utilities were shut off, I got a call from a neighbor that there was a moving truck in my driveway loading up all my furniture (and no, I didn’t know about it)… all the money was drained out of my checking account and savings… all contact with our adopted daughter stopped… Oh, then I found out this jerk had gotten a phone for the other chick and added it to our family account… I had been paying her cell phone bill for over a year!!! That’s when I got ugly. :-)

I took the worst kind of revenge one could imagine (not as bad as a billboard though… lol), and today, 3 years later, we’re best friends again. We’ll never be together again, and I’ll probably never trust another, but at least we were able to forgive and move forward. I traded my class and dignity for a moment of revenge and in the end, all of us were humiliated and embarassed. And it didn’t change anything.

I think that sometimes, people play with your emotions and push you to a point that you lose sensibility and logic and are unable to reason. At least that’s what happened to me. I lost it. To this day, I’m still repairing and rebuilding my life and self-esteem. Still rebuilding my credit. Still buying new furniture. Still rebuilding my career. Still trying to soothe my heart. Deceit costs, and you often don’t know the price until it’s too late.

Heather

February 1st, 2010
8:31 pm

If I loved somebody, I’m never going to want to exact vengeance over a hurt heart. If I loved them, even if we were poor together, I’m going to wish him the best going forward. My ex-fiance cheated on me. We moved forward and are each better people, and I am now friends with him and his wife. We needed growing, and not to be together. If you are holding that type of harsh feeling in your heart, you cannot heal and grow. It is petty, and people should really be more mature and graceful. Be the better person, and cherish the love you had, not the hurt that happened.