accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Billboard of Shame

If you happened to have missed the headlines last week, Atlanta was one of the cities included in the “vengeance by billboard” by YaVaugnie Wilkins.

Billboard
Photo Credit: AJC

There is certainly a lot that is not being told about the couple’s history. Mr. Phillips made his public statement about an 8-year relationship with Ms. Wilkins. I think what struck me the most was how a relationship ends up like this after such a long time.

The whole saga seems deeper than “hell hath no fury”. Maybe it is a cautionary tale about how well we know the people we are dating or committed to. Do you think a person can conceal an entire marriage without showing any signs?

What happens when someone is not the person they portray themselves to be? If you found out that you had been dating a married person, how would you react?

What is it about love gone wrong that makes us want to exact revenge, anyway? Have you ever gone out of your way to humiliate or embarrass someone who betrayed you? Did it make you feel better?

Do you think we have a sense of entitlement when it comes to breakups? Are we owed some type of retribution for being hurt?

403 comments Add your comment

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
8:50 am

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 25th, 2010
8:58 am

Good morning,

If I “found out” I were dating a married person, I’d stop dating her. Right then. At that moment.

Never acted out about a breakup, I mean why? Doesn’t change anything, doesn’t do anything but make me look ‘extra foolish’. Asalam ‘Alaykum.

What people feel “entitled to” is a whole nuther can of worms….so I’ll leave that for later.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

January 25th, 2010
8:58 am

Good morning! Blog seemed to have opened a lil late but who cares…Um ON TOPIC “Do you think a person can conceal an entire marriage without showing any signs?”

I haven’t experienced being with someone who was married that kept it hidden for a long period of time. I would think that it takes A LOT of lying, maneuvering etc to keep that lie going. However, I won’t say that it’s impossible to do. It would be easy for me to just say the ‘victim’ is just desperate and resistant to any of the Red flags associated with hiding a marriage…but i’m sure it can be done…just like chicks who claim to not know they are pregnant until the baby is peaking out the punani.

“What is it about love gone wrong that makes us want to exact revenge, anyway?” Loving someone or being in love requires you to let your guard down…it requires to let someone inside your mind, body, spirit…sort of like the ultimate breach. So when someone takes advantage of that, it hurts like no other. At least with a physical pain, you can pinpoint the area of hurt/pain. With an emotional hurt, it’s just so much more draining, scary,…it’s like someone being able to get inside the pentagon take a dump on a desk, making a sammich and wack off in every office. So when we are hurting that much, since you cannot pinpoint an actual wound, you may become irrational and feel that only way you can make yourself feel better is to hurt in return.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 25th, 2010
9:03 am

@Angie

It happens….enjoy the ride.

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:03 am

hmmmmmm this should be an interesting one today…..my simple thoughts keep it moving gracefully….

Leggs

January 25th, 2010
9:06 am

Whatever he may have been filling her head with, she believed him. Not sure how in 8.5 years she didn’t realize his words weren’t matching up with his actions, but then again maybe they were. Through her putting up those billboards, she let him and all know her heart has been sliced open, the wound too deep for her to see straight. When in pain, you inflict pain on the other in the most damaging way you can think of. He has been humiliated. Perhaps her goal was to make the wife look foolish as well. Nonetheless, all 3 are looking foolish.

SlimOne...just call me Nicety!

January 25th, 2010
9:08 am

“Have you ever gone out of your way to humiliate or embarrass someone who betrayed you?”

No I haven’t actually acted anything out but I sure as hayo thought about some shyt! LOL! I’ve never done the whole slash tires, destroy property or print out flyers talking about his weenie was little or anything. lol No we aren’t necessarily owed a sense of retribution for being hurt but i’m sure we would all like to see the other party go thru some sort of hardship just to make ourselves feel better. I think things wouldn’t be so bad if we were just honest with each other about what it is we want…AND BE PREPARED FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF THOSE DECISIONS

If you’re married but want a chick on the side be upfront about it to the potential side piece, but be prepared if she begins to want more and threatens to tell your wife/boss/kids if you don’t give her what she wants

If you’re a man who is actually into men but still want to keep up the facade of the ‘american dream’ then let the chick know you want to make a business deal before you marry her & have 2.5 kids with her. However, be prepared if you tick her off and she threatens to tell your family/boss/friends.

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:14 am

good post leggs and I have a hard time believe folk don’t know what’s going one…most times we chose to ignore and I am a firm believer women know what is going on in their home is how they handle it that determines the outcome…

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:16 am

meant hard time believing whats going on….smh @ me! LOL

Hey Angie!!!!:)

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:18 am

hey Lady! so good to read you.

*I have a hard time believe folk don’t know what’s going one* you don’t look for it until he gives you a reason. been there.

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
9:22 am

Ha! Saw that story and thought it was funny. I don’t think she was right… but I understand.
I used to be big on revenge but not anymore – I’m confident that people always reap what they sow but it’s not responsibility to be the one that see’s to it. My Daddy upstairs will take care of that.

In the past I dated a married man unknowingly. I know…
But when we first met there were absolutely no signs. Then after a few weeks of talking I discovered he had a young son, he was less than a year old that lived with him. *red flag*.
So I asked about momma, he said that they weren’t together anymore. He’d told her he was keeping his son full time but he would go with her from time to time…
They were both African so it wasn’t hard to believe that when he said he was keeping his son at his house, that’s what was going to happen and there wasn’t any lip about it.
Later he slipped and said something about her setting the alarm at the house *red flag*. Once I questioned that, he then told me that sometimes she stays there to help out on the weekends but thats it. Nothing was going on at all – she was there very infrequently. This was around the time I started to think something was up.
Anyway, I would question the relationship all the time even asking if they were married and he would deny deny deny. It was about 6 or 7 months in before I got a phone call from her…

Now, mind you I would see buddy every single day and he’d stay around until it was late. And by late I mean like 11-12 and much later on the weekends. I’d see him every single day except Sundays b/c he’d have Church and he played soccer and thats the day his games were. And if there was ever a time when he didn’t have a game – we’d see each other. We talked ALL the time. He’d call me from home. He always answered the phone. He was totally and completely available. No, I never went to his house b/c there was never a need – I wasn’t driving at the time, he worked like 10 minutes from where I lived so he’d come to my house after work and on the weekends when we’d go out, he’d always come pick me up. He lived about 35-40 minutes from me so it never made sense, even to me, for him to come pick me up, drive out to his spot then take me back home. It wasn’t like he said I couldn’t come – logistically it didn’t sense and it wasn’t a real big deal.

Sorry for the long post but I said all that to say – it is possible to conceal a marriage. I eventually was alerted there was a female in his life, that was hard to conceal. But the marriage wasn’t. And I know (now) that due to the nature of their culture, she let him do a lot that allowed him to get away with concealing the marriage

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
9:22 am

Good Morning.

Yes the signs are there. I was with my married lover for only 1-1/2 years and looking back I will tell you that the signs were definitely there. I just chose to ignore them.

I find it a little hard to believe that someone can be with an actively married person for 8 years and not see the signs. Just from my experience alone I would think a person after that long knows but refuse to admit it within themselves.

I was watching an episode of L&O:Criminal Intent last night and this guy had 3 different wives in three different states. Come to find out one wife knew about the other two that had no clue. His excuse, as with what I experienced, was he traveled for business. I wish I would have stayed awake to see how it ended.

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:23 am

Thanks Angie but me I ask 99 questions and always look for non verbals too…that gut feeling of it ain’t right pops to me early and I go from there…..we want it to be it the right one the end of dating but most times both sides has their share of baggage….

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:29 am

*always reap what they sow but it’s not responsibility to be the one that see’s to it. My Daddy upstairs will take care of that.*

^5

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
9:30 am

Leggs, thankfully I didn’t resort to trying to publicly humilate my married ex, I just broke up some of his stuff in the house as I was moving out.

I think him having to tell his wife, who did not want kids, that he had gotten his mistress pregnant was enough humilation for one century. LOL

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:31 am

@Lady
i ask questions now, but back then i didn’t know any better. i was so naive. and i bet he loved dat shii*t!

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:31 am

Amen to that Angie…..That is one thing I am glad I don’t do anymore it will work itself out…..

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 25th, 2010
9:31 am

“Do you think we have a sense of entitlement when it comes to breakups? Are we owed some type of retribution for being hurt?”

I think single people do have a sense of entitlement. The key is to:

1. “Learn from it and don’t be burned from it”.
2. Also, I learned its definately good to move forward and focus your energy somewhere else because we waste a lot of energy focusing on an ex or the past.

I think the best revenge is to stay on top of your game (physical, financial, socially, etc) and thats enough revenge when you run into your ex and they see your life has not missed a beat without them.

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:33 am

I guess with my gaurded behavior I’ve played the fool for one and he wasn’t even my ex husband I can’t even go down that road again….WillieD made a great point last week when a failed relationship occurs you be damn to accept less than perfect the second time around and we have to have our eyes open and listen and observe more and talk less….experience Angie we all got a story! But I can’t continue to be the fool in the plot….My heart can’t take it!:)

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 25th, 2010
9:35 am

First off.. This guy is the CEo of Oracle.. He couldnt hide his wife if he wanted to. Now 8.5 years dont forget the .5 they were doing they do. She knew about the wife and the wife prolly knew about her. She just wanted to be number 1 instead of number two and thats when things got ugly.

Now as far as concealing a marriage. A person couldnt do that unless the person they are dating is A. Stupid B. Lives in another state C. Doesnt care what else is going on in that persons life..

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:36 am

*I think the best revenge is to stay on top of your game (physical, financial, socially, etc) and thats enough revenge when you run into your ex and they see your life has not missed a beat without them.*

that was so hard for me to do. but i tried my hardest tho. moving to atl helped a lot.

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
9:37 am

@slim – well stated @ 8:58

I definitely think she knew or had a feeling he was married. And, I do think the wife knew (or at least suspected) he had someone on the side. I’m sure she was embarrassed by the billboard, but not surprised…

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:40 am

i wish i can sleep for the next two days.

Lady J

January 25th, 2010
9:40 am

So agree THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING it isn’t that much confusion ever….it is what it is until someone does something about it but that won’t occur til someone is fed up totally and handle it without question….now how they handle it will determine or define a bit of their character…

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 25th, 2010
9:41 am

The other part of it is, whose shame is it?

I mean the side chick may have exposed part of his life to the world that dude (maybe) tried to hide, but she exposed herself as being the fool to go along with it; for 9 years!.

In her life she’s probably classy, really goal oriented (gotta have money for billboards -even these days), and from the looks of her, coulda got it in from any number of single cats.

But no, you chose the married dude and when you didn’t get your way, put him on blast. Well, that door swings open both ways because she looks a might foolish too.

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:41 am

i feel for both of ‘em. love is pain.

Leggs

January 25th, 2010
9:43 am

I have never sought revenge, but have thought of some things. Never slashed tires, jump on the hood of a moving car, running down the street in bathrobe screeching at the top of my lungs. Yet, I do understand the hurt and the vindicative desire to lash out. I’m not vindicative (except that itme I wanted to drop kick my ex with a big lamp) so I couldn’t resort to such drastic measures.

Exactly, LadyJ. Affairs have a way of crippling/destroying the marriage and, in some cases, even strengthen the marriage. Unfortunately, unlike back in the day, more and more are not willing to Stand By Your Man!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 25th, 2010
9:43 am

@Angie

If love is pain, you’re doing it wrong…

Come and let Daddy show you how it’s done…

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
9:43 am

Lol @ Raqi!!! You just broke some stuff as you were moving out. *giggling*
But I disagree that he was humiliated telling his wife you were pregnant – he probably used it as his excuse and allowed him to validate his actions blaming the infidelity on her desire not to have children. Probably even got himself a pass…

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
9:45 am

ImaPeach, my married ex was very cleaver. When we met he told me he had recently moved here and lived with his sister that he did not get along with so he was looking for his own place. It was only a matter of a few weeks before he had found somewhere. I would have gotten suspicious early own had I not be able to go to his house. He took care of that rather quickly.

After helping him do some work on the house and decorate it he soon asked me to move in. Which I did. He would be “home” at least 4 days a week and then the other days he traveled for business. I tell you everything was in place and he treated me and my son very well. However there were still signs that I ignored. One being he made sure to call me every day that he was away. I never had to call him. And the few times that I did call him he would say he was busy and had to call me back or I would leave a message.

One of the biggest signs was I never met his sister. I saw his brother on many occasions. He would come by the house or we would go to his. His brother helped him cheat on his wife.

The biggest mistake I made was to “be” with him again after finding out he was married. That was wrong and I knew it.

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:46 am

@Dan
i’m a emotional cancer! cut me some slack. lol.

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
9:47 am

Everything ok Beautiful???

kimmie

January 25th, 2010
9:49 am

Morning Gang!

I’ve not read the stupid story, saw the stupid billboard, but you mean to tell me that she is saying she didn’t KNOW he was married? NO WAY!! Unless she is blind, deaf & dumb, like DK said, there is NO WAY you would not know the CEO of Oracle is married! Come on!

I understand hurt but, I did read she spent about $250K on the whole billboard stunt. If you’re gonna throw away money, toss it over to Haiti or some hungry people here that need it.

M dot, I love your post and that’s always my approach to a broken heart. The best revenge is LIVING WELL!

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:50 am

@Peach
i’m takin’ advantage of the blog today to vent. *sigh* right now, no i’m not ok.

thanks Wise!

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
9:50 am

Raqi – you mentioned something that I have a HUGE issue with… his brother HELPING him cheat on his wife!!!! OMG! I don’t care WHO you are… momma, sister, bff, coworker… i am NOT helping ANYONE cheat on another person!

WRONG! WRONG! WROOOOOOOOONG!!!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 25th, 2010
9:51 am

Morning
If she tries to say she didn’t know he was married, then she’s not even an idiot…she’s just LYING. Philips is the President of Oracle. His professional (and personal to some extent) life is very high profile. She knew he was married, and she didn’t care.

He played himself too though. Somehow he was dumb enough to think he could have an 8 year affair that wouldn’t come back to bite him. I’m sure the wife knew too. The billboards probably aren’t the first of her little antics, just the most public. She’s probably pulled several stunts in the last eight years to let the wife know she was in the picture.

IDK..part 2

January 25th, 2010
9:51 am

this whole incident is disrespectful. some women are so damn deseperate these days they seem to take whomever be the man…married, in a relationship, GAY and list could go on. but what makes it worse (IMO) is the women who applaude this type behavior, we’ve all heard it “well i did what his wife wasnt”. stupid, stoopid! 8.5 yrs, u can BET she knew his whole situation as did his wife. hanging on bc…hes a CEO? SMH. I am not judging bc “my daddy upstairs” (cute IamPeach404) know I ain no where near faultless, just stating my opinion. when are men gonna learn women ain playin around no moe! women are snapping nowadays!

Demi

January 25th, 2010
9:52 am

In New Orleans…all drunk’n'ish

Ooooooh, when the stanks, go maaar’sin’ in,
Oooooh when the paints go maaaars’pit’in,
Oh Lord, I want to be in that bumber,
When the stanks go maaaars’sin in.

in my Dave Chapelle drunk as sin Rick James’s voice

Yeaaaaaaaaah, New Orleans bishes!!!! You ain’t seen dis coming Bishes!!!

Now jumping on MIA’s bland new white couch with muddy platform on

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 25th, 2010
9:53 am

@Kimmie/Mdot

Why is it revenge to be the best you? Why does it have to do with the other person?

I’m not attacking, I’m asking about the thought process (I’ll show him/her)…

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
9:54 am

ImaPeach, no pass. She divorced him. He thought I would take him back after his divorce but I told him he was not to be trusted. How can I trust a man that cheated on his wife with me? What’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to me with someone else.

abc

January 25th, 2010
9:55 am

I agree with DK’s 9:35. Both of them were so self-absorbed that they’d do what they did; putting up the billboard is just more people acting out in selfish fashion, about what you’d expect from a couple of clowns like these.

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:55 am

*toss it over to Haiti or some hungry people here that need it.* yup!

and i agree that he prolly threw the *she doesn’t want kids thing* in her face!

Beautiful ♥ went to Vegas and caught feelings! SMDH. That wasn't suppose to happen dammit!!!

January 25th, 2010
9:56 am

hi Alvin! i mees u.

Demi

January 25th, 2010
9:56 am

I am NOT helping ANYONE cheat on another person!

404…yeen right!!!! What Would Jesus Do!!!

ImAPeach404

January 25th, 2010
10:00 am

@Beautiful – well thats what we’re here for – to listen to each other vent. I hope everything turns out ok :)

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 25th, 2010
10:03 am

You know who I feel sorry for.. His Wife.. She has been thoroughly embarrased by her husbands antics and jumpoffs buffonery.. Do they have kids? I feel sorry for them.

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
10:03 am

ImaPeach, you are right. Helping someone cheat is just as bad as the person cheating.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 25th, 2010
10:05 am

@Why is it revenge to be the best you? Why does it have to do with the other person?

Like I said, you have to make sure your life doesnt miss a beat without them because the idea of relationships is built on security. When the relationship breaks off, alot of people feel insecure and dont know how their lives will be affected. So I was speaking from a standpoint of not letting a breakup affect you drastically. Charge it to the game and move forward.

Raqi

January 25th, 2010
10:05 am

You are right Infamous, it is stupid. I was stupid and greedy.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka THE KING

January 25th, 2010
10:06 am

IDKClone – Everybody is snapping now a days..