Haaaa, was just told off the blog that HELL YEAH YOUR BANK ACCOUNT MATTERS!

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a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?

Wow….just WOW!

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@Prof

Question: if you really love the cat, would his pockets being light really affect your ‘tastes’ or do you think you could learn to adjust?

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@ Leggs – Okay so, there is a bank account, but what if nothings in there? What if that so called acquired person is a frivolous spender?

Still can be broke.

…oh…just sayin’.

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Haaa, guess not! Not an empty bank account.

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@ Leggs – My girl, you gets much looooove {{{{hugs}}}}}}.
I told you before, i look for your presence on this thing all the time.

Leggs…stop playin with me girl.

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Dan,

Question: if you really love the cat, would his pockets being light really affect your ‘tastes’ or do you think you could learn to adjust?

I look at things as they are. When I meet a guy I do not fall in love at first sight and readjust or remix my likes, dislikes and favorite hot spots because I met a man. With that said me and a suitor would probably never get to the love stage because we live in different worlds. That is just the reality of it…I would probably never meet him because we do not frequent the same places outside of QT. Most guys ask what do you enjoy, where do you hang out and that kind of stuff. Guess what that changes things especially the love thingy.

Quick story: A few years ago I met a really cool guy at football game party a mutual friend held. We tripped out the entire time and met a few weeks later. Well on that date I could tell dating him would put him out of his league. We still talk and he crack jokes about it is difficult to catch up with me and he wants to take me out, but I have him in the FZ, because he really cannot afford to hang out. I feel bad when we do hang out because he cannot afford to be there. So I kept it moving and kept him as a friend.

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Leggs, do that person know it you?

Dan I agree.

Professor I think if a woman dates a man that makes less yet she still chooses to go to the higher priced places then she should pay for those places.

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Nonya, I agree. But I think a lot of men take pride in taking care of their family which usually means financially to them. Especially when it comes to the older (my age range and up) generation.

Now this younger group coming along are quite different. Not all but I think most. They are more geared toward a woman being exactly equal in everything from the pay check to the squares of toilet paper used.

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@NY2GA

Dude didn’t do nothing but show his insecurity in that question…

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@Prof

So you’re taking the one (or few) cases of this response and applying to an entire gender?

for the record, I ain’t arguing with you babygirl, just trying to shine the light on the different options out there..

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But if I read you right, this particular situation came about because you felt that he wasn’t in your ‘league’? Was this the financial, intellectual, or cultural league?

Dan

Financially he was in piss poor shape due to bad intellectual decisions. A lot of times there is a correlations in the two such as this case.

@Raqi I have no problem with treating someone to dinner, however there is something uneven when he gets away with buying me 10 hotwings and I am buying fried lobster tails…it is not a match. Maybe if we knew each other prior and this is just where we are now, but to me that is starting off on the wrong foot.

I think the obvious here is this, you cannot put these expectations on a new relationship if I was married or in a long term relationship that is one thing, but I am not starting off that way if it is obvious and a problem for me…

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@Professor.

Well, that shows alot. I think if you’re talking marriage finances should not be looked as individual parts, but a sum of its’ parts. So, to me we’d be talkin’ 130K and 155K. But, yes some men do have a problem with the numbers if they’re tilted more heavily on the woman’s side.

However, there are some men that look beyond the numbers and see the possibilities. They think “if she accomplished this without me imagine what we can do together.” That’s THAT dude.

Good day folks-

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What are you asking me, Raqi?

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Dan,

So you’re taking the one (or few) cases of this response and applying to an entire gender?

No I am not applying it to an entire gender…that is why I said “usually.”

You are good…I am not yelling

At the end of the day I know it is my prerogative if I do not want to date the fry man at Mickey D’s and use his Marta card to window shop at Saks. I am good with seeing potential in people and there was only once that I dated someone and it worked and he made much less than me…it never came up because we had fun we just enjoyed each other, but I will never forget him saying I wish I had your job…I was like huh, and he told me why…it was a shocker to me at that moment

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the miserable guy work 85+ hours a week in a law firm? Who’s better for you?

does he have to be miserable coz hes working 85+ hours or thats ur subjective opinion…

Isnt long hard and ardous hours the pathway to success in some most professions.

If u want something so bad,u go get it!

And u happy at doing it..

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It’s funny that in these conversations about salary you almost never hear the guys say that it would be a problem if his woman made significantly less than he did. Why does it matter to women (not all), but not to men? I think it might have a little to do with numbers. Men tend to make more than women. So, from a woman’s perspective, ruling out men who make less than her doesn’t affect the population of available men that much. But as a man, if I ruled out all the women who make less than I do, my dating population would be severely limited.

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@Melo

There are some people that work those hours and are happy about it, and some not.

In my example, I stipulated that the person was not happy working the hours.

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Professor, I understand that. But just for the sake of conversation, would you feel it is balanced if he paid for more outings than you? Let’s just say you are with a guy that makes 1/2 of your earnings and you two went out every weekend for a month. Do you feel it would be balanced if you all did things that he could afford for three of those weekends while the fourth weekend you all did something you could afford?

That’s sorta how I try to stay looking at things. I may do more smaller things around the house but my husband’s one or two larger contributions evens it out. One example, if I paid all of the utilities and he paid the mortgage, although he only paid one bill it was more than all that I paid put together.

Do you get what I am asking? Would that type of situation work with you?

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@Professor & everyone

Ok so lets flip it. In your 9:05 post, you mentioned that

“I have dated guys that made less, and for the most part if you make 125K and he makes 35K it matters, because certain restaurants, activities and trips he is not going to be able to afford. That can be a problem.”

What do you think is going to change if you date/marry a guy with alot of money? Are you expecting a huge lifestyle shift? Contrary to what people think, alot of people with money tend to be quite frugal. Is it your understanding that just because he has money, he is going to be throwing it all at you? What if he married you for you and was interesting in building a life with you while maintaing your seperate finances? Of course the bills would be paid etc, but you would driving your same car and you would NOT be the next Real Housewife of Atlanta? And he loved you just the same. Would that be a problem?

Lets keep it real.

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@ WD

“Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful.”

That is true and men get criticized and made to feel shallow because they want a undisputable attractive woman. Sometimes it’s all in the eye of the beholder; yes but also it’s some women that will not be denied. They are gorgeous and if a guy has a chance to get her, he will. The thing is women want a guy with his paper together, men want a real attractive woman to be with if they are going to be locked down forever.

“a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman.”

I think your friend’s theory is very shallow. I was raised by a single mother but that wasn’t going to limit me in my future, goals, choices of women, etc. I will still aim high no matter what. I learned a lot of valuable lessons from my mom.

Also can we see a picture of your friend who made the comment? I would like to see what she looks like. Is she still at home single and eating bon bons? Or are guys fighting to get with her? Just asking.

Also why are people so caught up on the bank accounts? That’s the problem. Alot of people (especially women) like the IDEA of marriage; a day you get to show off in front of all your family and friends that you got “Choose”, attending couples only events, trying to be a power couple, yada yada yada. But alot of women RULES of marriage. Just yesterday, I heard a woman even say on the radio that women have a problem with the S word…submissve..

Also regarding money, if yall are married, isnt it all community property and there is no need to keep score? If you make $110,000 and he makes $60,000, then you guys bring in $170,000. That’s the household income. Isnt it ours, and not mine?

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I will say this though, a dude who makes less than me certainly could not support me or a family without my help. (Been there, done that – know what I’m talking about.)

With that being said, I prefer to date someone who at least matches my earning capacity so that in the event of something unforeseen, one of us could support the other at a fairly acceptable level.

And until I start making a helluva lot more money, I really don’t think I, personally, have very much to worry about on my much appreciated mid-40’s salaray.

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Speaking of hanging out at The A’s bourgeious spots – TheDude took me to a new spot off of Piedmont last night – Room Service. They had a really nice cover band performing last night. The singer’s name is Eva Kennedy. She used to perform at TGI Friday’s on Camp Creek. The band’s name is NAMELESS. They are worth checking out.

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Conan O’Brien gets $45mil to quit his job. I am certain that I should have picked Late Night Talk Show Host as a career.

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SexyCool, what you said makes sense based on what a person makes. It would be hard for a person making $20-25-30,000 to support a family on their own.

But wouldn’t you say that could be how a lot of men are looking at it now based on the article Wise mentioned? Are guys now looking at it in terms of would the woman be able to sustain the household should he lose his employment (savings aside)?

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@Professor

“because he really cannot afford to hang out. ”

What “hot spots” are you referring to exactly? You have to remember Atlanta is a small bouji city and you can only do so much. Unless you are at the 4 seasons for brunch everyday.

M dot you have to be on my level to get “it” and I don’t always hang in Atlanta…I go to the airport and head out even if it is just for the day…my favorite spot to eat is not even in ATL…

…that is why I stay with my kind

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Wow, just Wow

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@Professor ~ can you buy me a ticket and take me to lunch with you next time you venture out?

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BTW I think we all have read the millionaire next door so we know about being frugal, but that is an option for them…money brings options.

That reminds me – my cousin still has mine. He better give me my book back.

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abc, I think it’s all about the price tags these days instead of just being happy and having a good time. Do good times only come in little boxes or multiple digits to the left of the decimal?

My husband loves steaks and he says the best cheapest steaks are at Longhorns. The quality and taste of the meat means more to him than any swanky establishment or price tag. He likes Longhorns despite the fact that he can afford to eat at more expensive places.

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@Raqi

It’s important that you take a woman to trendy places, popular places, regardless of the price. You are after all trying to convince/persuade/woo her.

Come on, you know this…

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If things get rocky, is this Negro gone get out and do whatever needs to be done (legally) to make ends meet?

Let the church say….

That’s what it’s all about. That hustle. That I admire very highly in my husband. If his business went under today, he will get out there tomorrow doing something to take care of his family. As long as it’s decent and honest he will do what he has to do.

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LOL Dan, man stop playing. If a woman you are wooing is more concerned with trendy and popular than she is with spending a nice time with you, you need to throw that one back and use a different type of bait.

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cough, cough, flauge, cough Excuse me

j/k bnr

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Raqi/SC – That’s what it’s all about. That hustle. That I admire very highly in my husband. If his business went under today, he will get out there tomorrow doing something to take care of his family. As long as it’s decent and honest he will do what he has to do.

True True True, I’ll even add that for ME, If push came to shove Baby Gurl gon Eat however it may come. Please believe that!!

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@Raqi

Cast a wide enough net and you will get tires, boots, cans. Got nothing to do with the bait, moreso what’s in the river.

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@Kimmie

I’ve been in plenty of relationships where incomes were different (an it has been me as the ‘broke’ one). So, I don’t believe that money has anything to do with a couple until and unless someone in the relationship makes it an issue.

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Women date guys they can’t “afford” to date allllllll the time. It’s because they never have to pay for anything. So, if a chick makes 100K and meets a guy who makes 750K, then she can’t afford to date him. But it really doesn’t matter because if he is genuinely interested in her, then he foots the bill for whatever they want to do. If she’s the one for him, the money doesn’t matter.

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So, I don’t believe that money has anything to do with a couple until and unless someone in the relationship makes it an issue.

Dan – So very true, just like in my example about my friends education issues. But, I liken it to a quote Ted Turner made – “Money ain’t a problem when you got a lot of it.” Also, how would you like it if you were in a committed relationship with a person, you were the primary breadwinner and you had to constantly bail your lady out because she misuses money?

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@Dreams

“afford” to date”

I was just about to get on that because if we are just talking about dating, how do people know how much someone they are dating makes? You guys arent married so its nobodies business. Also, are people assuming somebody makes a certain amount by what kind of car they drive, where they live, etc?

Funny story; yesterday my coworker was telling me about a guy she was talking to who played her for cheap. She had 2 movie passes, took him, and he wouldnt even buy concessions, he said they were to expensive. Then she wanted bottled water, he said that was to expensive and she should go to the fountain. Long story short, the movie was over and she wanted simple Ihop, he told her that wasnt in his budget and he suggested McDonalds.

Anyway, come to find out, the car he drove was not his real car, he has a 5 br home, 5 rental properties, both parents were doctors, etc. Moral of the story, dont judge off everything you see. There is always more than meets the eye good or bad.

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I always made more and saved more… Dating to marriage it didn’t matter who made more, bills were paid equitably, groceries bought, a little put aside for savings/vacations, and we both had the same amount in our pockets until next pay day.

Financial problems came up when he became unhappy/dissatisfied with his career choices or lack there of and became jealous as I continued to move ahead… Dude pretty much stopped contributing … oh, she got it she can handle it all! Never mind, until next pay day I took care of my needs (gas, lunch, etc.) and two kids out of my pocket.

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kimmie, in your example money is not the issue. That’s more of a character issue on the woman’s part. What if she was the main breadwinner and still misused the money putting the household in bad situations? Would that make the situation better? I think not.

There are many instances in marriages that I know of where the one that makes less just happens to be a better money manager. The problem is the misuse of the funds moreso than who earned the most of it.

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ok excuse all errors…Raqi I hope you follow me…lol

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see cee cee naw I wouldn’t do that to the dope man “IF” I was dating him…I get it…lol

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Would I date someone making considerably less now.. probably not… at least match me in all things.. not an exact duplicate, but come on now.. I’m 47 (I date w/in my age group), and I have expectations about where a man should be by now. I’m not 22 anymore.

P.S. I’m still taking care of myself and two kids (w/o any help).

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LadyJ, baby girl, if he has not problem with what you make then stop beating yourself up about it. If the man doesn’t feel like you are a golddigger then don’t make yourself feel like you are. Somethings truly are in the eye of the beholder.

It all depends on the man. There are some men that have no problem with paying for any and everything. So what if that’s what he wants to do? Who’s to tell you it’s wrong if he and you are okay with it?

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…extract line 11:04 please . Lady J your inquiry is something i…nevermind i’ll try and email you.

another day…not ready….and not for the subject matter.

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Morning Folks!

Great topics this week Wise Diva.

Dan loved your ‘We’ comment from yesterday. I was lurking and trying to tell you yesterday but work got the best of me.

On Topic

This is right up my alley. I’ve stated before that my fiance’ makes less than me. Significantly less. But he also has no debt other than his mortgage which is around $40k. In the beginning of our relationship it didn’t matter at all. He paid every time we went out and because I don’t get hung up on the expensive places, it wasn’t a problem. He has no problem with a $100+ dinner bill. His issue is when he doesn’t get $100+ of food and drink for that amount. In other words, he doesn’t like paying for atmosphere. If, for some reason, I wanted atmosphere – I paid.

As the relationship grew, we got into the habit of splitting payments. He’d pay for dinner one day, I pay the next. No problem. I remember him telling me that things would be tight during the month of August. I thought it was because his son was going to college so I told him that I would pay for all dates during that month. Lo and behold – one of the reasons things were tight was because he was buying my engagement ring…

Real Talk – if I really wanted a family, I’m not sure if I would be so open to marrying someone that made much less than me. I want to hope I would, but I’m not sure. Mainly because – what if I wanted to take extra time off to be with the baby? Honestly, with my current savings, we could do that. So, after typing this – I wouldn’t have a problem (financially) having a baby with my fiance’. I just have a problem with having a baby – period

AND my man knows how to get his hustle on. He owns his own business, but he’s skilled in more than one trade. As I’ve stated many times, he gets folks trying to hire him all the time – but he doesn’t want to work for anyone else.

I don’t think he feels like less of a man because he makes less. If I were to lose my job, we would not be able to maintain my current lifestyle – but then again, when I get married my lifestyle won’t consist of me booking a trip to London at a moment’s notice (like my BFF and I did last week – last overseas trip as a single woman).

Speaking of travel – that is the area where we see the affect of our salaries. Traveling is where I go all out and honestly, he can’t always pay half of the costs. But that’s OK with me – that’s not a ‘need’ in our relationship and we both know that if my income was depleted, he could meet all our needs.

Furthermore – because he’s skilled in a lot of trades, the $ he’s saved me more than makes up for the difference in salary. Right now I have an issue at my rental home. He’s working on it. I think I said before that, other than painting, he fixed everything that needed to be fixed in my current home when I bought it. Sometimes I do hire someone for certain things, but that’s because I don’t want to give up the time we spend together so that he can work on something.

Finally, the comfort and peace I feel within knowing he’s my partner is priceless. When something goes wrong – I call him, whereas I used to worry (how big is this problem, is it going to cost a lot, will I have time to get it fixed, etc) And when he doesn’t have the skill to fix something, he can call on his network of friends to get it done for free or at a very reduced costs.

If you ask me – I’m the one that comes out ahead in this relationship

Sorry for such a long post – but this topic is near and dear to me…

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@LadyJ – Whew…glad i didn’t havta get in my personal on the blog. Dang girl!

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hahahahaha ok ladies…..I will sit this one out and ok Raqi…I tell it is a process to be content when more is offered when you are just not use to it….I;m just an honest chick….ok back to being quiet!:)

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Tazzee: “His issue is when he doesn’t get $100+ of food and drink for that amount. In other words, he doesn’t like paying for atmosphere. If, for some reason, I wanted atmosphere – I paid.”

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Tazzee – Again Congratualtions, maam!

cute enough.

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ARGH R.A.V.E.N – Remember Affect Verb, Effect Noun. I hate when I get those confused

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Dan – You ack like you have a problem with me? did you igg me? lol…stay otta my head.

I was thinking Tazzee Mae got it going on with the “smiles”, as well.

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Raqi I rebuke you

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There is a lot that you two could have in common. I don’t understand the nothing in common part. Please elaborate

Raqi,she elaborated enough.If the guy earns much more,say a mill$ and u a secretary at some corporate company,LadyJ feels hes attracted becoz of her outward appearances,nothing more and that she got nothing to offer to the relationship other than being his play toy!
I get that and a lot of females are in those roles actually,they wont admit it.They are in there for the comforts..in fact,this is the custom with most females,they want the men to provide…so in ur case Raqi,u dont mind but she does becoz the disparity is too huge.
Some females do not mind being toys becoz they think(illusion) the money/comforts are worth being in that position. Thats pityful,i wld say.

I wld find it hard dating or wifying a woman who earns much more than me..a little more is fine but 20k..30k more..hell no.And the reason is simple,most women who earn more than their men carry that on their shlders..everybody outside the marriage will get to know about it.
A little argument,she pouts about all the bills she pays at home..it will all be reduced to money at the end of the day..so that wldnt work for me.
I have seen it in my family and around me in society,diff pple so it wont be practical in my case.
It takes a really humble and luving woman and secure man to be in that situation.
Power is what defines a man and money is Power!

Ill keep these balls

Good morning…

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Kimmie – You know what Money ruined my marriage not because we didnt have any just that we couldnt get on the same page with it. She felt like My money should take care of all the bills and her money should be filler money and I felt like it wasnt my our your money it was our money to build this dynasty with. Oh money matters indeed but in different ways.

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@Kimmie

In as simple a phrase (conditional morality would be more appropriate) as possible.

It doesn’t matter to be, because it never has. Whether I had cash or any of them did, one of my requirements is all in. You can’t be with the D and a be half stepping or conditional.

Until one (or both) of us mess up or decide this isn’t working, there is no break.

So I speak not from the hypothetical or theoretical, but from experience.

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Cemeeli Hey Lady!!! Yup all smiles, with happy tears every now and then.

Infamous If society failed tomorrow, I don’t think I could ‘barter’ my accounting knowledge but my man (and I) would be rich.

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daggit meant good morning…

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@ Tazzee – Auh, i did not forget. Hope you got my text about what happened to the alerts.

ok, early lunch…i need to catch a machine before the crowd gets in there.

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@DK

That’s BEEN my point.

All these “if, then, but’s” don’t ever matter when the ‘ism’ hit her (or us for that matter).

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….It aint the cars, the clothes or the money its the Man and dont you ever forget that because when you do you have lost.”

True,true….

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Cemeeli, bring me back a pack of Hostess cupcakes. I’ve been craving some of those things for a week now.

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but some folk will let those matrial things along with their income carry them and you can tell when you meet them…when I mingle in SW Atlanta I promise I get this feeling in the brief convos and trust me I know behind the pretty pictures people are struggeling but the fact remains I don’t make or have the solid credit for their items they have and feel we have nothing in common….

I do have this fairy tale dream that someone would come along and sweep me up ALL of me and be even willing to get me to their level but it is just that a dream…it is on me to make that happen and whomever the extra rich, rich, blue collar, white collar will accept me just for me…but being in Atlanta I see the whole spectrum of finance and it is interesting…

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Oh money matters indeed but in different ways.

DK – Exactly the point I tried but failed to make! Our topic is about men getting with women that earn more, but there are so many other factors that can involve money in a relationship, they are almost too many to list! So to say it does not matter or will not rear its head at SOME point even in the best relationships is naive, I think. One example – I know of a man that has millions, but he is such a miser he made his family miserable and lost them. He has enough to probably never have to work again, but he never wanted to take a trip or do anything enjoyable.

it will all be reduced to money at the end of the day..so that wldnt work for me.

Melo – It would be hard for me to live with this too.

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And I say that because how many times have you seen a dude somewhere looking like he just got done building the great wall of China but his prescence raidated thru the dirt and grime on his clothes. You thought to yourself its something about him.

Or the guy standing in the spot alone not bothering anyone but you cant take you eyes off him because something is different. No car is present, he’s not flashing cash but just standing there.

See people have bought into the what I got mentality and have forgotten the love part. Love has become a business instead of an affair fo the heart.

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Love has become a business and I here it from more wives that their marriage is just that a business and those saying it the man has a solid girfriend on the side…I see it everyday…

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Morn’in All,

If a woman isn’t where I am mentally, then we can’t talk at all. I’m not saying she has to have what I have or even more. But if she isn’t working positivly towards the same goals and aspirations that I have, I keep kickin rocks.

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I love being married a po man. LOL

Raqi – At the end of the day, love is what counts.

I think the title of this blog should be Mo Money, Mo Problems. But I guess that would be another topic.LOL!

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Prof – Therein lies the problem.. Its not her money anymore when they are married or it shouldnt be.. I guess Im old school and will have to find a babe that thinks like I do. I’ll bring the bacon home and let her fry it up in the pan but best believe Im gonna make sure we aint frying too much bacon.

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You know Infamous, this is a sad world we live in today. Just said.

Let me see what’s in my lunch bag…

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Dan, sigh, in the examples I’ve given, MONEY is INVOLVED! I’m not saying lack of character, control, judgement, whatever, is NOT involved! Dang!

Have you ever heard the saying money is the root of all evil?

And do you really think just a “difference in fun” would cause a man’s wife & kids to leave his behind?

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Actually, Kimmie – THE LOVE of money is the root of all evil.

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@Kimmie

In the examples you’ve provided, money is involved, but (from your statements only), that is the reason for dissention.

Money is the symptom, not the disease, in all things.

And the quote is “the love of money is the root of all evil” 1 Timothy Chapter 6 verse 10

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or just frying bacon to be frying it or just frying it to make sure the neighbors smell it.. Nah we are gonna fry our bacon judiciously to make sure our needs are met. In this business of marriage there is a Ceo and a COO or better yet shareholders and one shareholder shouldnt be able to make business decisions about the marital company without the other shareholder. I always say if you know where the money is thats one less conversation you have to have. It also provides checks and balances because I wont spend this money out of the househod pot cause I dont wanna hear his/her mouth about it.

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I think it’s important to sit down with a potential mate and discuss how you feel about money management. A lot of times it’s not what you have but how you manage it. You can still accomplish a lot with a little if you manage it right.

Ask questions. How do you feel about saving? How will bills be divided? Who will be responsible for managing the money? What are you saving for – college for the kids, retirement, vacations, a rainy day? What should be included in your will? Do you have enough insurance? How do you feel about loaning/giving family & friends money(A BIGGIE)?

Some people think just finding out how much a person makes, their credit history & debt owed is enough. There is so much more and a lot of it does involve character, control & responsibility.

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Kimmie – 1206p – ON POINT!

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Raqi – I know I created a monster but I always thought money would never come betwen us. I just knew when we got married her money was my money and my money was her money but that wasnt the case at all. I shouldve saw it when we were dating though because for her to part her purse to pay for something it took an act of congress but me having it didnt notice the selfishness in her. I just figured this is my Girl we in this and if I ever need her I know she got me but I swear her brother told me before we got married “I dont know why youre marrying my sister because she is very selfish” So Im guilty of taking her out of town/international travel, splurging on shopping sprees and New whips every year as my wife. I did that.. Because nothing was tooo good for my wife..

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Oh,late..NEWS FLASH!! NEWS FLASH!!

John Edwards just admitted to fathering a bay girl with one of his campaign staffer..His recently released message by his publicist,with Melo as editoril consultant:

“Elizabeth and I will do everything in our power to ensure that this baby is well taken care of”…..

end of statement.

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John Edwards needs to go and sit down. With Tiger.

With all the problems Haiti & the world is facing now, it all seems so petty in comparison.

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kimmie your 12:06 – those are questions I get out the way early on in the relationship. Money management is more important to me than the amount of money. Because when we come together it’s ours and I can’t have someone that’s going to be messing up ours…

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“Professor” wrote:

“He wants to chill at home and you want to go somewhere and have a nice dinner in a nice spot and that $125 is his light bill money not play on the town money.”

Uh, highly-paid “professor,” you need a little schooling on basic punctuation. It should be:
“…and have a nice dinner in a nice spot, and that $125 is his light bill money, not play-on-the-town money.” Ever hear of commas and hyphens? What are you a professor of, African Studies?

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@Kimmie

No I’m not debating just to debate. I don’t like bad logic. When I agree with what you’re saying, I do so openly. But I also question the logic you’re using to make these conclusions.

As for how much time, I don’t know, it’s subjective. Could be a month and an event happens that raises questions. We could go Years and not know how each of us really feel about MM.

As for sending my mom a check, if my gal ain’t good with it coming out of our funds, then I’m in my savings for it. I’ve stated before here that I believe in at least 5 bank accounts (her/my play money, her/my savings, and the household(s) money).

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Depends what is important to you. Many families are one income households and it doesn’t bother them.

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ForReal – you know white men can’t jump. Guess they will be lowering the rims.

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@ Prof “you have to be on my level to get “it” and I don’t always hang in Atlanta…I go to the airport and head out even if it is just for the day…my favorite spot to eat is not even in ATL…”

This kind of contempt and arrogance is why many women keep popping up on ABCNews/Essense specials everyother week. Guarantee that a man with his stuff together will never approach/pursue/bother with that mouth and you will see just how little power you really have. And your options will be relegated to broke beta males. Vicious cycle for many of you.

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I don’t like bad logic. Neither do I, Dan. I question some of your logic too. But I don’t see communicating ones feelings about money management to a future mate to be bad logic, even if later it does not bode to be true. Don’t depend solely on what is said, but definitely you should be talking.

As for sending my mom a check, if my gal ain’t good with it coming out of our funds, then I’m in my savings for it.

The point is hopefully you would tell her beforehand you were sending the check and wanting to possibly take it out of joint funds. No surprises.

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Sassy – You too?

Ooooolawdgeezus…thought it was just me over here. Cause I could really not be at work today and be someWHERE else doing something very specific. LOL!

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Dan: i agree with Kimmie before I get into a relationship of any with a chick i always check three things first:

1. Her kitchen
2. Her baphfroom
3. How she handlings money

I can’t tell you how many women are driving around the A in luxury vehicle with their gas hand stuck on a 1/4 tank.

As for money management/success my Paw-Paw use to say “Iffin you don’t oh nobody den you got plenny money.”

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“doing something very specific.” – If it involves peaches then count me in too! Oh and for the record the peaches ain’t that important unless you gon do it.

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Sexy girl I’ve been tempted to pick up my phone 2 or 3 times but I’m tryna be good but it’s not working….I feel a wild hair growin….

Almost sprayed my monitor when I read the Ooooolawdgeezus…too funny

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girl I’ve been tempted to pick up my phone 2 or 3 times
Sassy
Was that you callin my work phone, breathing heavy, and then hanging up? Don’t be scrrrrrrrrrrrd.

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@ Raqi – Hostess cakes…? You go head then…my lil butt don’t need to see cake until next year 2011 holiday.

@ Kimmie – Yup, that includes the famous red velvet too.

…i feel a lil liberal, i think i’ll bring one in on Valentines for the work buddies.

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And where is Dream_n ….she cooked our hot dogs yet?

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…stepping back in.

@Sassy I agree she is spoiled and feel like she should not have to help out.
@DK and Dreams, how do you all feel about a set amount is put in an account each month for the bills and the each party spends the reminder of their check as s/he pleases (separate accounts).
@Tazzee…I am eating wings!
@kimmie I agree with you when I saw Edwards on GMA with that mess I was like who cares

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PoppaG – Apparently i have alot to say to you…that lil punk acai and pomegranate juice is a metabolism booster too.

Yeen tell me that!

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Good Afternoon Folks!

Hello Sassy!
Hola Professor

Money is always an interesting topic! A lot of good points being made to today. If dating money becomes an issue when a person is use to or like to do certain events when dating. When it comes to marriage and coupling up the money becomes OUR money not yours not mines if we cannot get that together before we get marriage their will not be a marriage.

Professor is correct if that is what she likes to do and that is what brings her happiness then a person making $35k cannot kick it with her!

M.dot….What kind of friend do you have that would not purchase/buy a bottle of water for the girl when she treated with the movie passes!
Man that is lame… That had nothing to do with what he owns!

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@Anotha Brotha…everything is not for everybody, nor is everyone. You see the ladies looking for black men, but please duly note the black man is not the only man. I am good on dates and dudes I probably should do some cuts.

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SexyCool and Sassy, yall meet me in the lower restroom after 5th period. Imma show yall the hicky that the captain of the debate team gave me at lunch. giggle You know that tall slender one…with the glasses. Yall he is soooo hot and a great kisser. I think I’m in love. swoon I’ve got to babysit tonight and he said he can come by when he gets off work. I think we are going to go all the way tonight. Wish me luck.

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LUCK!!!

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Hey Elijah!

BTW I am glad you understand my point.

@DK what if your partner is bad with money? I saw this at work one time years ago the husband would go shopping not often and buy tools and stuff…checks would bounce, because he used the debit card and bills were out there via checks.

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@Tazzee and you know it! Well 1/2 lemon pepper and 1/2 hot with lemon pepper sprinkles.

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Prof
Dang I told you last week I’ll have my half of the rent tomorrow. That bread and bologne I bought yesterday don’t count for nothing? I think I’m gonna have to break up with you…be hounding me too much.

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Sassy, SexyCool and Raqi – this is one of those days that I hate we only see each other on the weekends…

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Girlfriend, that makes for a long ass week – especially on a day like today.

I am stretched so tight right now…(There are not any more words.)

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Infamous – we’re trying to determine our floor for discussed purchases. But we’re on the same page with the ‘play’ accounts.

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sigh…who is it?…ooookay.

Well Fan i’m not southern, i’m from Mechanicsville.

lol

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Just yesterday, I heard a woman even say on the radio that women have a problem with the S word…submissve..

@Elijah

You must didnt read the post. I said it was my coworker who was talking to the guy who did that. I never even met the guy.

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Tazzee, honestly I hadn’t even given it any thought. But when he opened my door for me and I was about to get into the car he pressed those strong soft wonderful lips against my neck I was like “now that you mention it”. LOL

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this is one of those days that I hate we only see each other on the weekends…

Aww dammyt Tazzee Mae what a bummer

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And Tazzee seeing each other only once a week can really give you something to look forward to on the weekends. Except with Auntie decides to show up.

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Prof – I got that from a friend that has a successfulloving marriage. He and she says they respect and love one enough to consult them on spendatures because it could affect their future.

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Tazzee, Spot on on the first page.

Kimmy, I think it varies greatly. Some of the happiest marriages I know the wife makes more and this is over more than one race. IMO I don’t care if she makes more or less. What is important to me is how she handles it and if she is loaded down with debt or not.

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Hey there Cee..I don’t get to play much anymore..new job duties..so its off to the races more days..I see you still on the sunny side of life chica!!!

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Now…when it comes to submission, it really ain’t about the money AT ALL. It is all about THE MAN.

Just thinking about submitting to TheDude (in more ways that one) stretches that “Congo” even tighter. Submission excites me.

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“Ladies can you still be submissive even though you make more money than him?”

It is not the dollar bill. It is the person…Is she a team player when she breaking bread, or when she doesn’t have it?

submissive is a chracter trait.

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@Professor

Well thats cool. I dont want you to get your blood pressure up.

“Now we all should put up our assets and value or play big bank take little bank.”

You are forgetting this is a blog and you are putting up smoke screens. You dont have to brag about what you say you have. All we have is yours and everyones word on here. We dont know what thats worth if anything.

As a matter a fact, we never seen what anybody looks like, for all we know if could be full of Hardee eating chicken heads so we can just stop it here.

Lets start off small and everyone put thier pics up so we can see what’s what.

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M.Dot – um, well…actually, several of us know several others quite well off blog. No picture share necessary.

Oh, wait. You could ask Melo. He seems to end up with everyone’s pics. LOL!

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Tazee, Why is it 2010 with women being “equal” in every way, that women expect an engagement ring? A made-up “tradition” that suckers women in til this very day. It’s bunk.

This is just one of life’s double standards. In a relationship when the man makes substantially more than the woman, it’s usually not a problem, often congratulated in a lot of women’s circles. In the reverse situation, you have these stories about trifling, intimidated or fiscally uncomfortable men… and this blog topic.

Another double standard that sometimes used is women knowing that they’re fiscally equivalent or superior to the guy but still expect him to pay for everything because ‘that’s how they were raised’. That may be, women have made great strides economically in a relatively short time from a historical perspective and will occasionally encounter some men that can’t handle it. But to expect a man pay for everything in today’s society can be a real fiscal challenge, especially if your dates go beyond ice cream in the park.

Some women often use money as a metric in various ways to define the potential success of a relationship. Variables often used are the amount spent on dates, his tangible material possessions, carat size and cost of jewelry, etc. And unfortunately, it seems as if character has slid below the financial portfolio on the totem pole for dateability factors…

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SexyCool’s Three Words Daily

Stretched So Tight

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@kimmie

For reasons that I won’t go into – using Frank Ski in any example clouds and loses the point.

But again, it’s not the money that is the issue. It’s about the dude’s self -esteem, confidence, and control.

While not rehashing the “traditional” debate, a lot of guys can’t handle his woman being more successful because he feels as if he’s not fulfilling his ‘manly’ role. But in the end, if they are together (I mean married) then, what does it matter.

Heck, yeah, I’d marry Oprah in a minute if she’d have me.

Your (the nebulous you) success don’t diminish my shine. I can be proud of my woman and still be her protector, provider, etc.

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@SexyCool

So are there some people who think they are real attractive but really are not? Be honest.

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@ For Real … Her baphfroom LMAO!

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The weatherman fooled me last nite..coz my tv said some rain was coming in last nite,’round 1.00am so i poked her in the butt with my knee, woke her up and we had a really nice romp.

I have to master that energy again so we do encore tonite..there is a heavy down pour coming,i hear.

Summission,surrendering,swallowing,…now uall have me messd up!

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Mdot, I will not lie to you. I am average. Just your average shade of Fabulous.

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One guy even admitted that if his wife had a kid he might actually become a stay at home dad, because they (as a family) couldn’t afford for his wife to quit her job and stay home.

As of yet, I am not against that idea, provided to guy does the cooking and housekeeping (team effort)…Now I do have a problem with guys who “don’t mind” you being the only financial provider and don’t care to do the rest (cooking & housekeeping).

Funny, many “men” have a problem doing what is considered traditional women’s roles and have the same problem doing traditional male roles.

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Tazzee..u gon have a prenup?

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I don’t think a woman can submit to any man if he’s not in some form submissive himself.

Case in point…if my guy believes truly that God has dominion over him, and everything is not his own works and know from where it comes from…then that’s what Cee “the submissive woman” can get with.

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Melo – nope

Cemeeli – I would never submit to a man that does not submit himself to God. Additionally, I would never submit to a man that has a problem taking advice from another man. Those “can’t no man tell me how to run my household” dudes were a definite red flag. Now, if he’s taking advice from Boo Boo the Fool down the street, that’s a whole nother problem.

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I don’t know why a man would be intimidated by a woman who made more money. What if I was a special education teacher and she was a controller, but we both did what we wanted?

“Traditional” roles are out the window, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great arrangement in your life. As long as one is self-sufficient and working towards something, I don’t see anything but misplaced ego in the way. If you are part of a true team, you do what you do to win and are as selfless as possible.

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Luvbug??

regarding stay at home dads…??

i read, and i read a lot..surprisingly,the most stay at home dads i read about are white….
Either afr/american families dont want to put their bizz out there or its not very common in afr/american families for afr/american men to go the stay at home dudes.

Now,for the few afr/aemrican dudes who stay at home,with no huustle of some sort on the surface,the few that have been revealed to me are in really mis-cued relationships….
I have yet to meet an african american dude who really dont mind being a stay at home dude….and No,drug dealers and midnite/dark hrs clandestine oprators are not in consideration.

My wife tho says,if i get this gig,she is staying home….

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SCool – I heard it for the first time when driving home and I kid you not, I immediately thought of you. I always remember that time we met for breakfast at IHOP and you walked in the joint like you owned the place, LOL.

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Tazzee – I can get on the other type of man that wants a submissive woman but caint submit aaaaaaaalllll day long. But i’mma leave that alone and stay over here on the sunny side of thangs…right over here with my prettiful Man.

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“Traditional” roles are out the window

@Binford2K – What date did that happen? Many people are constantly harassed about not staying in these roles…I want that to be true (most of it ) but I haven’t witnessed much of the change yet.

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Sassy I am doing well!

Like Kym stated times are changing in regards to employment, a many folks have had their pay reduce 30 to 50 percent so if you looking for financial independence from a potential mate, you may have to jump in line with a whole lot of folks out here!

SexyCool… So the SO put you on strike? While you have some free time we can still market your PSH video to the blog ladies!

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@DreamsM…now that was funny…lmao…not the flipping the grant money

@M dot…I guess I thought most of us had seen each other. BTW get your panties out of the knot it seems like you are so easily offended.

…stepping out

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Dreams,I just read your post about the basketball squad and I dang near spit Pepsi all over my computer screen…You’s a fool!!

I was thinking myself “Self, who the helz they gonna play against?!?!”

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Thnx SexxyCool!

(i was realy surprised to hear my 41/2 yr old boy say back to me,”thanx”,after i complimenetd him on smething.It was funny/hilarious and surprising at the same time..cld’nt laugh out loud coz if i did,he wld have said,”whaaaat”!) luv that dude!..

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Your Queen deserves to stay at home, since you never gave her an engagement ring

Iam glad she aint listening!

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@Melo

Good luck on getting the job.

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@Raqi

I didn’t say that mechanics=thugs. I was saying from a standpoint how some women say oh I like thugs or a guy who really isnt doing anything because in their mind they know they really cant do any better so they try to make it look like its cool. I wasnt dissing the mechanics like I said.

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The classic “There is no ‘I’ in team” – solves this whole conundrum

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Afternoon All! I see this rain has err’body “feelin it” today, me included. WHEW!

Professor – I introduced my sister to the hot wings w lemon pepper sprinkles and girlfriend is hooked.

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@Anotha Brotha

Also speaking of the ABC special, how come they didnt just sit down 5 guys and ASK them why they arent marrying the women? Were they that hard to find or were they all in jail?

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but does unemployement change a person’s core values..isnt high unemployement a temporary thang!

we got high unemployement and high pay reductions even for those still employed….

so why must a single chic who took a pay cut have to settle for a dude who earns less or is unemployed when shes also seeking some security in her own right..in a traditional sense??

I hear what Kym is saying about unemployement but somebody else problems shdln’t define the direction that another is taking.

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Melo – Claim that gig!

Raqi – One of my older brothers is a licensed mechanic and he does VERY well. Married with 3 kids too, & nice house.

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Hey all… busy busy busy..

I had to laugh @ part of that topic.. smh

Given light from a different spectrum, right now I guess I would be on the low totem pole, but I wouldn’t want a guy to discriminate against me because my bank account wasn’t as large as his. I mean money is a necessity in life, but when it comes to a relationship, I think excluding a person from even stepping up to bat based upon their income is a bit shallow.

Being with a person or even giving a person a chance should not be determined by a pay check. Hell that job can be taken away from you just as fast as it was given. So when the money is gone what do you have left?? You have to have character, there has to be something else to you other than the fact that you can pay a $300.00 dinner tab.

Being negligent with your money or savings can attribute to a deownfall of a relationship and I don’t think I would stick around with someone who is careless with their money.

Hell 20k 30k 40k or 50k… take that out of the equation.. As long as we’re working to keep bills paid, kid(s) feed, savings.. basically living comfortably and we’re both happy.. I don’t see a problem.

Now I’m not knocking others for their choices, because god gave us free will. But having that mind set may keep you single or in a never ending rotation of men trying to meet “your” expectations.

Hey Melo, Prof!

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Hey Mo Se eyou boy MusingLee is tryna be a stay at home dad.

Im’a help brother out with his campaigning…we all need a break sometimes.

lol…

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SexyCool you are right. Seriously. Sex is a very big matter in marriages. And it should be discussed as to frequency before tying the knot with someone. While there will always be exceptions that may change things from time to time you better at least have an understanding as to what is expected.

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@Melo

Unemployment is by no means temporary.

And as in most economic matters, things are inter-related. The point Kym is making is that in these economic times, we’re all (potentially) one check away from financial ruin.

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I see this rain has err’body “feelin it” today…

Sho nuff do

i’m like SassaFrass…just sayin’ what other folk are thinkin,

I see you CeeMee…do it to ‘em.

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Melo

She shouldn’t have to settle. She should do what’s best for her and take the consequences (good/bad). Sometimes the life change is an opportunity to do what you have been wanting to do but couldn’t afford to do…sometimes that benefits the man…sometimes the woman…sometimes both.

I doubt a person who loves his/her job would stop looking after a layoff…but most people don’t love their job.

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Come get me sugarmomma! Where does this leave all those giver and taker boys from the Gayest City in America?

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Melo – I need a loan.

how much human collateral u have??

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There are countless articles and blogs and discussions about how a lot of sisters are single because they are too materialistic and won’t give a “blue collar” brother a chance. I just don’t believe that to be true.

Most of my good friends are educated and in what may be considered white collar jobs, even though a few don’t pay as much as some blue collar jobs. With the exception of 2, my friends and most of the other women I’m around on the regular are married to blue collar guys. Plus, the blue collar guys I know that are single have NO problem meeting nice women! I also know 2 guys that can’t keep a steady job to save their lives and have no ambition, BUT they have nice girlfriends!

I know my little personal poll is very unscientific. But if a guy is having trouble meeting nice women to date & or marry, they may want to look in the mirror. Because even with the so-called man-shortage, women are passing you up.

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While folks comparing pocketbooks they better be comparing libidos along with it. It causes just as many and sometimes more problems in relationships than money does.

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Dream_n!!!! Wassup chick!!!

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Hey Professor!!!!!!!!!!!!

How have you been??

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@Kimmie

Women make bad decisions all the time…so that’s not true.

But to your larger point, you’re right. However one defines success, it ultimately has nothing to do with relationships. That’s a function of the two people in the relationship.

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@ Dream_n – You tryna be funny?…you know darn well cooking ain’t that hard. Stop playin with my emotions and get my hot dog, woman!!!

lemme got get me something outta my cerdenza to snack on

@ SassaFrass – He is just a REGULAR guy! lol…i see you ova there southern belle. Let’s see if Fan likes us both when we go down Southern Belle lane.

ok – imma give you a word and you come back with a southern gal’s reply.

Greasy fingers-

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Dream_n – You can pass those too-long-split hot dogs to me! I love them like that. I slide them under the broiler to get a little browned/burnt and get some mustard, maybe some good chili!

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Lets see today plus about 8.5 months we’ll be hearing about some blog babies. Gotta love Mother Nature.

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Wow…You guys are putting it down today! Tazzee great post today. Knowing the self-worth of your man speaks volume about the wisdon you have obtain thru your fellowship with GOD!

Where is lurker I would like to see your comments regarding this topic!

Look dating women who are doing is easy they know what they want and if they want to do something they invite you along all expenses paid!

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LOL SexyCool. Go get it girl.

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Relationships are hard as sht. I’ve been blogging with y’all for five years and sometimes, I still feel like I’m making it up as I go along.

However, I’m getting it more right than wrong these days and am in a relationship that I am fairly confident is heading towards “Marriage. Babies. But no dog cause you don’t want one, SexyCool.” (We just gotta get through these troubled waters without me losing patience and jumping ship.)

BTW – I responded that we could get a dog, but that it would just be HIS dog.

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@Professor

Wow…where did the class go…or maybe it never existed. I’ll go with the latter…Dudes can say stuff loud and proud too. They want a attractive woman who doesnt isnt like a 1985 Buick LeSabre-Full of baggage and has over 200,000 miles.

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Cemeeli, kimmie, Dream_n, have any you watched that new show World’s Worst Cooks? It’s a pretty good show but I do think it is unfair that they are taking people that know nothing about cooking and having them compete making fancy sometimes over the top dishes after only a few minutes of instructions and a recipe. Some do very well but some are just pitiful.

There is this gay guy on there that I am surprised has not been voted off yet. Nothing comes out right because he is so scared of “hurting” the food. He didn’t allow the grill marks to properly cook onto a piece of salmon because he is so timid. LOL

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“how much human collateral u have??”

Human collateral???

Well darn Melo. I give up my first born?

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@kimmie

True. Blue, white, or none, collars have never really mattered in my world.

Tomayto, tomato.

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@ Lurker … He’s man enough to do it and not go broke.

MAN ENOUGH… managing his end… so, don’t think twice about it. I got you!

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Professor… Spring is around the corner, so when do you want those lemon pepperwings with a hot Krispy creme donut?

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Ooh uh uh, honey….let me get you a napkin….while I’m thinking won’t be puttin them old greazzy fangers on me…shyyd I know, I know

Hon-ney…that’s a southern girl right dere! hehehe…

Well SassaFrass you win a pound cake from Fan!

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Wanting a person to be happy and attempting to take responsibility for that happiness are two totally different things. You’re not responsible for HIS happiness.

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I know this is a lot to ask but no way I can read all of this. Just came back from a funeral…what’s now being talked about? Who’s making sense? Who’s not, if anyone?

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Wow.

Whoever doesn’t think cash is important lives in a cave. A woman has wants and if she hasn’t figured out how to get them she looks to a man to get them for her. Happy women find that man. Unhappy women don’t.

A woman making more than a man is an issue at $30 to $60 thou a year. At $10-20 thou a month it’s not a big deal because both can theoretically afford their lifestyle. More important than the income is the mindset it takes to generate wealth. Your current thoughts are adequate to earn you exactly what you earn. To earn more you have to change your thought process because outside of preachers and drug dealers very few folks profit off the poor and uneducated. The more you earn the more you’re exposed to people that think differently than you and your current mate and that forces you to grow. If your mate can’t keep ip they become obsolete and are left behind. Kind of like a stay at home mom growing detached from a hubby that’s earning enough to allow her to stay at home because he’s being exposed to women on the grind while her worldvhas become loaded diapers and empty bottles.

Also, with wealth comes options. I’m sure everyones jumped on Tiget over his actions but I bet if you were able to indulge your every appetite you’d do so too.

Yesterday Melo mentioned classes as they pertain to easterners/Indians. We have classes too but they are mental. Like someone said earlier they don’t feel valued dating a man of means. This is more common than most think. Since we’re programmed to shy away from things that make us uncomfortable we limit ourselves based on our own preconceived notions.

I’ve dated corporate cpa’s, surgeons, and school principles and I think a part of the attraction is they don’t see you as a hindrance, financially or intellectually.

More love will come by taking care of everything else than by focusing on love at the expense of everything else. When you’re in a good place in life love is easy.

Btw, if you want a guaranteed long term and loving relationship love yourself first.

What’s going on people? Lol

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@ Dream_n – Throw the best party (that you can help put in) for dude, and still stand your ground. It’s obvious his Mom needs your help..so help her if you want to. I wouldn’t get to caught up…just “wait on it”…chill.

That was very nice of him, your gifts.

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Ain’t gone be having no babies until after proper licensing has occurred.

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The more you earn the more you’re exposed to people that think differently than you and your current mate and that forces you to grow.

I can agree.

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Eric Roberson at Passion and Poetry 02-14! HAWT DAYUM!!

Hey Truth, how do?

Willie D – you puttin baby voodoo on folks?!?!

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Hey Truth! What’s shakin, ex-hubby?

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SexyCool, you better have that baby before you get too old. I tell you having a baby at 21 and having a baby at 41 makes a world of difference. I know been there, done that. 21 and 41.

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@ Raqi
Didn’t really think about it that way.

Back to the drawing board..

Catch ya later Ladies/ Gents!

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@ Raqi – Whether or not he gives it to her or give it to her daughter to give to the Mother of his child, it’s a gift he wanted to share. He is not pining to be her baby’s daddy (cause he already is)…he’s had her in “that” place before.

I can retreat here… as a single parent just like her.

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Raqi – I know right, tiga the cheetah…lol. Of the men friends I have, all do pretty decent but there are couple raking it in one is at or over $130K the other well past it. They are of the mentality that the deeper the pockets the bigger the expose.

Dan – Would you agree that making that declaration further limits the pool of “good” men that are available? That is, ain’t she pricing herself out of the market?

I’d say you’re on the money

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@ Cee.. I agree with Raqi.

If you want to do anything do it on behalf of the little one… Like when my youngest was 7 when I divorced and wanted to give “daddy” a x-mas present, of course, she doesn’t have any money so I gave her a job to do to earn some and she bought her dad a gift.

I don’t know how old your child is but perhaps that approach vs. getting all involved.

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More love will come by taking care of everything else than by focusing on love at the expense of everything else. When you’re in a good place in life love is easy.

And let the “chuch” say AMEN. Truth glad to read you again….that was deep bruh.

Musing now doing swirly things with his hips

Rock it papi

Speaking of “Schweaty” did anyone see that skit Alec Baldwin did on SNL(I think) or Mad TV when he was on a radio show talking about his recipe for his “Schweaty balls”….they were really meatballs but did anyone ever see that?

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@Tazzee I am glad you read me correctly! I deleted a post about how I never said only a good man makes blank. I just figured I needed to buy some folks on here a leap frog or two.

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Eric Roberson at Passion and Poetry 02-14! HAWT DAYUM!!

I’m soo going to that show Mo. At first it was just going to be on Saturday but the last time I heard the advertisement the Sunday show had been added. I’ll be going regardless,though. Why did Joyce leave V-103?

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@411 – Okay. I ain’t never one to argue. I didn’t see it as a “pawn” in that regard. And she just wanted to see some’n she could read, & from different perspectives. So now she can do what fits them.

She purchased things too…and even if baby only gave daddy the gift….auh, “we” still buy the gifts and take them to get it. So…

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Fine, no recap for you Leggs!

Hello MusingLee and Truth!

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I like the way I get some of you upset with this money thing, so moving forward…I am going to write something called Money Madness Maybe the HBP folks will send me some money, because I am sure I am giving them some new customers.

mail call

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Cemeeli, I am just speaking from personal experience with my son’s father. As long as there was that personal exchange he felt like he could evenly get back in. It was in his words that I could tell. I learned to cut if off all together. When it came to birthdays and Christmas he bought what he wanted the boy to have and I did on my end. There was no giving of gifts to us thru the child.

Now my son buys whatever he gifts for me or his father out of his own money and his own will. I don’t get involved with it.

But like I said that’s my personal experience and opinion.

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And yeah what happens if Dream_n plans a party, attends and he brings another woman?

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lurker – that example is just stating the type of man she desires. She’s described a good man because he knows to pay his light bill rather than play on the town. Good man, just not good for her.

All guys that date fat, unattractive women with winning personalities – raise your hand. *crickets*

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Leggs – how’s the car?

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And Cemeeli yeah he had her before but what’s to say that he does not want her back. Her personal exchanges and accepting can give him false hope. She already stated on here that she was weary about how he would react when she left him. Why make the man think he has a chance when he doesn’t?

That may not be the case but I am just saying. They all think they can get back in especially with the separation is still fresh.

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SexyCool, yes now. LOL

(Raqi’s common sense yelling out at SexyCool) Don’t listen to this crazy woman. She is high on cough syrup. Don’t have no babies at your age!!!!!

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Don’t worry Mo I’ll be going solo,too. I read here on the ajc just today that she left the show but no reason was given.

Musing wasn’t that skit the ish? Whoever those two radio personlities were made even better…hilarious.

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Mo – You have to do a search under the Bridal Bliss section. They had the pictures around the middle of 2009 I think, though I believe the actual wedding was in 2008.

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Don’t listen to this crazy woman. She is high on cough syrup.

Ooh lawd!..who in here sippin on syzzrup?

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@411 – I was not sharing that she should get emotional involved at all. My very first post states…”sit back” and “stand your grounds”.

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I didn’t see where Taz named herself as The BreadWinner. She just brings home a bigger loaf. But er’body is mixing, kneading and baking.

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@ Cee… ok. May be I just Evelyn Woodheaded too fast and missed the whole point! No problem.

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All guys that date fat, unattractive women with winning personalities – raise your hand. *crickets*

Tazzee – And crickets are all you are going to get! Just like when I pointed out how with this so-called man shortage and with even dudes in prison getting play, if a blue-collar, employed, healthy dude keeps getting passed up, he may want to look in the mirror!LOL!!

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Raq – I’m glad you’re feeling better.

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Raqi – How’s baby girl?

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Thanks. You ain’t the only one. LOL

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MusingLee – Hows the Married life treating you? I bet Wifey took tights and the cape and no mo flying round the city for you. Lol!!!

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kimmie, she is doing quite well. She is trying to stand and walk around the furniture now. I had to tell her to slow it up chica. You got all the time in the world. You ain’t gotta rush to get out of the way for nobody.

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Taz – I sent you an email to that wholename gmail account of yours. Also, I need to bend your ear offblog about something. Raq – will be emailing you too.

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Dynamite- Man married life is cool. I can’t complain, my wife is good to me and hasn’t put my Man ishh out on the curb..So I’m good!

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@ Raqi – Girl, it’s is sooooo all well. I am not into tryna fix nobody’s relationship. Matchmaker…none of that.

@ Leggs – Ain’t no recap. jus jump in.

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Jumping in….just found out a co-worker’s crush over me is a lot deeper than I thought.

@Cee ~ hard to jump in and not even know what the topic is.

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kimmie, she better sit her fast tail down. She is not even 8 months yet. But you know both of my boys starting walking before they were a year old. But still. She got time. LOL

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Tazzee – You know these guys SO well!!LOL!!!

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Tazzee- I guess I don’t even need to comment..Took the words right out of my Man Handbook.

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@PRINCESSNIK

“What about the dudes on the flip side of this topic, who are intimidated by and/or not interested in the woman who makes, more money, who is already pretty established in life? I run into the guys who once they find out I have an MBA and my own home its like they lose interest.”

I think that may be something with them being insecure with themselves. It’s great that you have all that stuff but it’s all yours and relative. Some guys do get caught up in the titles, labels, etc. It doesnt matter.

As far as them losing interest, it may be your vibe that is off a little bit. You may inadvertently sabotage a potential relationship. Maybe there is added pressure that you put on yourself.

Once I find out about the career/education, etc. I dont even bring it up again. That’s your job, career, student loans, etc and I just want to get to know you and the role you will play in my life.

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Leggs This isn’t the married co-worker, is it?

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@Leggs – a “jump in” is whatever you wanna talk about…I aint talking about nothing…just watchin MusingLee ack a fool with skits.

Are you okay?

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Okay SexyCool.

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Tazz – Also, you know the flip side of your comment that went way of the crickets? Let one of US say we didn’t WANT to date a dude because he was fat & unattractive, but had a winning personality. Yes, we would be jumped on, even by some other women, for passing up that potentially GOOD MAN!LOL!!

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@MusingLee ~ cuz he went into detail and told me so. This is the older 61 yr old married co-worker. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about him here.

@Tazzee ~ different married guy…yes, I seem to have a theme here…married men are hitting on me and I’m ignoring them all!

@Cee ~ I’m good.

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Oh! Leggs…yeah didn’t know he is married. I see your disgust.

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tell ya…what’s today!? Is it that Thumping Thursday theme-a-jig?

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@WillieD ~ I know you well enuf to punch you in the throat! J/K

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Ladies – We say enuff Dumb ish that yall bash us everyday anyway. Now we get one lil crack in the door and call bullisht on the play yall wanna band together and put ya cape on and save the day jus saying

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WillieD – and folks try to say that women can’t get along, that we don’t stick together…

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WillieD Caint’ get my cape cause somebody don’ stepped on it.

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What’s intimidating about a MBA? Why would that cause someone to lose interest? I don’t care if you have a MBA, Ph.D., JD, MD, DDS, whatever. I’m not impressed, I have my own credentials. Are you a quality person, open to new experiences, able to appreciate differing opinions and perspectives…
While it’s good that you have “credentials”, show up with something real. Then I’ll be impressed.

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Tazz – Yall stick together and still dont always get along;-)

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Truth How’s it going man? Good to read you.

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Dreams – I agree you need more than “credentials” to sustain a relationship. But while an MBA does not intimidate you, to the dude that dropped out of high school and is not feeling so good about himself, it might.

I had already been seeing this guy for a few months when I started working on my MBA years ago. I was dirt poor, trying to pay for school and work. He was an assistant producer at CNN and working up to an anchor position. Yet, he was always whining that one day I would make more money than him. Intimidated by my POTENTIAL, which I thought was crazy! Plus, especially if he got the anchor position, I KNOW he’d be making well more than me. No need for either one of us to be intimidated, if you ask me, but hey whatever. I liked him for him, but he did not see it that way.

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That’s rich….intimated by one’s POTENTIAl. I’ve heard it all!

Nite!

No clapping today, but I am finger popping!

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it’s so interesting to sit with my brother and our mutual friends (all guys) and listen to them launch in to this list of what they want in a woman and then to meet the women they date who are nothing like the woman they wanted. I’m always like WTH!

I understand that not every man is intimidated, and i also understand not every man is interested in what I may have to offer, but i sure would like to meet some of those who like me for me The last guy i was dating literally freaked when i told him i was buying a house, i think in his “small” mind me buying a house was saying WE need to get more serious and settle down. When all i was really saying was I’m tired of living in an apartment and sharing walls.

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@leggs, LOL literally, yes some of them did but some of them just had me dumbstruck like ……really……really…..are you serious and then they say I just don’t like anybody they date to which i respond ” have i led you astray yet?”

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I think all of this analysis is relatively irrelevant. All of these studies on social trends about dating and marriage only serve to make single people crazy! I don’t know why so many men seem so “intimidated” by everything related to women. If they have to support a woman who is less educated then them and earn less money (or no money), they are intimidated by the prospect. If they are involved with a woman who makes the same or more than they do, they are intimidated. Man up, men! My dad is so much more of a man than these wimps. And he had to support his wife and kids. He doesn’t grumble about picking up a check for a lady. He is happy to do it! And he is proud when the women in his life accomplish something or get a great job or payout. Men today are total babies. When I hear them complain about not being able to find a woman who suits their lengthy list of needs, I want to say to them, “Why don’t you worry about being a better man first?”

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LOL Leggs, I thought I heard somebody scurrying around over there. I have been here since 6:30. And don’t tell anyone but I have “blue” labia.

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