More Money, More Men?
One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women. I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry. My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.
Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition. I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.
I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends. Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”? Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?
The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.” I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.
In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?
The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?” Thoughts?
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476 comments Add your comment
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:36 pm
Truth – I pay my bills because that’s what I’m supposed to do and I’m glad I have no problem paying them. But there’s no sense of ‘pride’ when I pay them every month. No sense of pride when I get my paycheck, per se.
Things that I’m proud of – when my nephew finally got the point that education matters. When my future step-son comes to me for advice. When my baby sister took my advice and finally got her stuff together. Passing the CPA exam. That type of stuff makes me proud.
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:37 pm
Don’t listen to this crazy woman. She is high on cough syrup.
Ooh lawd!..who in here sippin on syzzrup?
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 21st, 2010
3:37 pm
Sassy – ok, I liked Joyce Lattel I hope she comes back.
Alright ya’ll, Im out! Ya’ll be easy! Dont hurt those SO’s when ya’ll get home this evening!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:37 pm
@411 – I was not sharing that she should get emotional involved at all. My very first post states…”sit back” and “stand your grounds”.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:40 pm
@Raqi – I’m just a little peon. I don’t know squat! I just shared a comment.
I’m so serus.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:41 pm
I didn’t see where Taz named herself as The BreadWinner. She just brings home a bigger loaf. But er’body is mixing, kneading and baking.
lurker
January 21st, 2010
3:41 pm
Tazzee – I’ve never seen one dude on here state that it doesn’t matter how much a woman weighs, it’s her personality that counts…
I agree with you here. Same concept.
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
3:42 pm
@ Cee… ok. May be I just Evelyn Woodheaded too fast and missed the whole point! No problem.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:42 pm
SexyCool, I had this bad cold/sinus infection/flu or whatever it was this past weekend and up until yesterday I was taking Nyquil to fight it. That stuff is not for me but I was taking it because it’s what we had around the house.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:42 pm
All guys that date fat, unattractive women with winning personalities – raise your hand. *crickets*
Tazzee – And crickets are all you are going to get! Just like when I pointed out how with this so-called man shortage and with even dudes in prison getting play, if a blue-collar, employed, healthy dude keeps getting passed up, he may want to look in the mirror!LOL!!
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
3:43 pm
I don’t discriminate with my women…I only have three requirements.
1. Mentally we are in the same place. (My 1 step forward can’t be negated by your 2 steps back)
2. You can’t weigh more than me. (I don’t need you trying to pick me up)
3. When you look in the mirror it doesn’t crack. (Mirrors are expensive)
That’s it…for the most part….I do like nice sized chest pieces, but I can live without that…Just not to the fullest!
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:44 pm
Raq – I’m glad you’re feeling better.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:44 pm
Cemeeli, I am not trying to argue. I just stated my opinion according to my experience. I sowry. I go sit corna now.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:45 pm
Raqi – How’s baby girl?
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:45 pm
Okay y’all gotta go get things together for later….food(really just gonna have two bottles of water on the night stand),put some cds in rotation and find something to wear cause it’s going down(dirty pun fo sho)….teeheeteeheeteehee
Read you guys tomorrow
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:46 pm
Thanks. You ain’t the only one. LOL
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:47 pm
Yeah…even though TheDude is a little chunky (which is more for me to love), he takes great pride in my appearance.
I can’t wait to get home and rub on that belly tonight. LMAO!
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
3:47 pm
MusingLee – Hows the Married life treating you? I bet Wifey took tights and the cape and no mo flying round the city for you. Lol!!!
PRINCESSNIK
January 21st, 2010
3:47 pm
question: What about the dudes on the flip side of this topic, who are intimidated by and/or not interested in the woman who makes, more money, who is already pretty established in life? I run into the guys who once they find out I have an MBA and my own home its like they lose interest. (And no i don’t announce this it comes out in the get to know each other conversations.)
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:49 pm
kimmie, she is doing quite well. She is trying to stand and walk around the furniture now. I had to tell her to slow it up chica. You got all the time in the world. You ain’t gotta rush to get out of the way for nobody.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:51 pm
@ SassaFrass…Oohhh. I ain’t givin it up. I got a class tonight.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:52 pm
Taz – I sent you an email to that wholename gmail account of yours. Also, I need to bend your ear offblog about something. Raq – will be emailing you too.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:52 pm
Raqi – How sweet! Goodness, seems like just yesterday she was born & now she’s trying to walk!
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
3:53 pm
Dynamite- Man married life is cool. I can’t complain, my wife is good to me and hasn’t put my Man ishh out on the curb..So I’m good!
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:53 pm
Just hollered out “Fck!” after receiving an email that I was not happy about. My boss’ door is open. I tried to cover by adding “get about it!”
Don’t think it worked. LOL!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:54 pm
@ Raqi – Girl, it’s is sooooo all well. I am not into tryna fix nobody’s relationship. Matchmaker…none of that.
@ Leggs – Ain’t no recap. jus jump in.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:55 pm
SCool – responded.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
3:57 pm
Jumping in….just found out a co-worker’s crush over me is a lot deeper than I thought.
@Cee ~ hard to jump in and not even know what the topic is.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:59 pm
PRINCESSNIK – now you know these guys are going to say that:
– those guys don’t exist, it’s just that you are wearing your MBA on your shoulder,
– those guys are just weak, or
– those guys lose interest because of something else, like your funky attitude or your funky breath (not that YOU have either)
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
4:00 pm
kimmie, she better sit her fast tail down. She is not even 8 months yet. But you know both of my boys starting walking before they were a year old. But still. She got time. LOL
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:00 pm
@ Leggs – Well what would you like to talk about? That crush? awww…is it flattering or no?
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
4:00 pm
Tazzee – You know these guys SO well!!LOL!!!
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
4:01 pm
Leggs- What gives you that impression?!?!
SexyCool- If you walk with a limp for the next 2days you can tell your boss you hit your pinky toe on the desk.
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
4:03 pm
Tazzee- I guess I don’t even need to comment..Took the words right out of my Man Handbook.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
4:03 pm
hasn’t put my Man ishh out on the curb
And she is not going to put it out Musing, you are. And you won’t even know why or when. LOL
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
4:03 pm
@PRINCESSNIK
“What about the dudes on the flip side of this topic, who are intimidated by and/or not interested in the woman who makes, more money, who is already pretty established in life? I run into the guys who once they find out I have an MBA and my own home its like they lose interest.”
I think that may be something with them being insecure with themselves. It’s great that you have all that stuff but it’s all yours and relative. Some guys do get caught up in the titles, labels, etc. It doesnt matter.
As far as them losing interest, it may be your vibe that is off a little bit. You may inadvertently sabotage a potential relationship. Maybe there is added pressure that you put on yourself.
Once I find out about the career/education, etc. I dont even bring it up again. That’s your job, career, student loans, etc and I just want to get to know you and the role you will play in my life.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
4:03 pm
No, I want to talk about what you guys are talking about just don’t want to go back to read what it is. Being without a car, I drove to the funeral with a co-worker who had me staring out the window wishing I was in my own car. No need to discuss, just making light of your “just jump in” comment.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
4:04 pm
Leggs This isn’t the married co-worker, is it?
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
4:04 pm
MusingLee 5 years on this joint – I’ve learned a few thangs
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:06 pm
@Leggs – a “jump in” is whatever you wanna talk about…I aint talking about nothing…just watchin MusingLee ack a fool with skits.
Are you okay?
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
4:07 pm
MusingLee – Good to hear that bruh. She aint put it out on the curb YET but I betcha ya lil pile getting smaller and smaller. Then again it might just look like that cause her pile getting bigger and bigger. Gotta love em tho!!!
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
4:08 pm
Okay SexyCool.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
4:10 pm
but I betcha ya lil pile getting smaller and smaller
WillieD, will you hush. You ain’t suppose to be giving it away. Remember you one of the “good” husbands. LOL
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
4:10 pm
Tazz – Also, you know the flip side of your comment that went way of the crickets? Let one of US say we didn’t WANT to date a dude because he was fat & unattractive, but had a winning personality. Yes, we would be jumped on, even by some other women, for passing up that potentially GOOD MAN!LOL!!
Cee's #1 Fan
January 21st, 2010
4:10 pm
Mechanicsville? Tell me where that is so I can find you?
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
4:14 pm
@MusingLee ~ cuz he went into detail and told me so. This is the older 61 yr old married co-worker. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about him here.
@Tazzee ~ different married guy…yes, I seem to have a theme here…married men are hitting on me and I’m ignoring them all!
@Cee ~ I’m good.
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
4:18 pm
Raqi – You right, but I’m just giving him the playbook. Just letting him know whats round the corner. Been there done that and didnt even get to keep the T-Shirt. Lol!!
Leggs – If I hit on you would you ignore me? Friend!!!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:18 pm
Oh! Leggs…yeah didn’t know he is married. I see your disgust.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
4:18 pm
kimmie – and GOD FORBID we say dude is too short… oh wait, you can’t change height so that’s not a valid preference
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:19 pm
tell ya…what’s today!? Is it that Thumping Thursday theme-a-jig?