More Money, More Men?
One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women. I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry. My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.
Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition. I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.
I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends. Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”? Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?
The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.” I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.
In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?
The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?” Thoughts?
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476 comments Add your comment
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:02 pm
SexyCool, I have been in a relationship going on 9 years and I still sometimes have to say “where did that come from”. In marriage, “I don’t remember signing up for this”. I think the closer two individuals get in a relationship the more weeds are encountered that has to be plucked to make for a beautiful garden.
The thing is we sometimes don’t know how we will respond when faced with different things. Even the simpliest of matters. And with some things being the furthest from your minds you can’t know until it happens.
The Truth-basking in a relatively warm 70 degrees
January 21st, 2010
3:02 pm
Wow.
Whoever doesn’t think cash is important lives in a cave. A woman has wants and if she hasn’t figured out how to get them she looks to a man to get them for her. Happy women find that man. Unhappy women don’t.
A woman making more than a man is an issue at $30 to $60 thou a year. At $10-20 thou a month it’s not a big deal because both can theoretically afford their lifestyle. More important than the income is the mindset it takes to generate wealth. Your current thoughts are adequate to earn you exactly what you earn. To earn more you have to change your thought process because outside of preachers and drug dealers very few folks profit off the poor and uneducated. The more you earn the more you’re exposed to people that think differently than you and your current mate and that forces you to grow. If your mate can’t keep ip they become obsolete and are left behind. Kind of like a stay at home mom growing detached from a hubby that’s earning enough to allow her to stay at home because he’s being exposed to women on the grind while her worldvhas become loaded diapers and empty bottles.
Also, with wealth comes options. I’m sure everyones jumped on Tiget over his actions but I bet if you were able to indulge your every appetite you’d do so too.
Yesterday Melo mentioned classes as they pertain to easterners/Indians. We have classes too but they are mental. Like someone said earlier they don’t feel valued dating a man of means. This is more common than most think. Since we’re programmed to shy away from things that make us uncomfortable we limit ourselves based on our own preconceived notions.
I’ve dated corporate cpa’s, surgeons, and school principles and I think a part of the attraction is they don’t see you as a hindrance, financially or intellectually.
More love will come by taking care of everything else than by focusing on love at the expense of everything else. When you’re in a good place in life love is easy.
Btw, if you want a guaranteed long term and loving relationship love yourself first.
What’s going on people? Lol
Professor
January 21st, 2010
3:02 pm
@Elijah what is your email address? I will send you a few tenative dates, ok?
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:02 pm
@ Dream_n – Throw the best party (that you can help put in) for dude, and still stand your ground. It’s obvious his Mom needs your help..so help her if you want to. I wouldn’t get to caught up…just “wait on it”…chill.
That was very nice of him, your gifts.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:03 pm
Raqi – MONEY does NOT equal GOOD MAN! At all! In fact, some times it just allows them to get away with more. He relies on his money and forgets integrity, character, etc.
Almost like SOME pretty folks are used to getting by on their looks, where as others have to put forth more effort.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:03 pm
Ain’t gone be having no babies until after proper licensing has occurred.
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
3:07 pm
Sassy – Sure thing just a friendly lil reminder for those of us who will be getting all Schweaty tonight thanks to Mother Nature.
Truth – Hey man, good to hear from you.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:07 pm
The more you earn the more you’re exposed to people that think differently than you and your current mate and that forces you to grow.
I can agree.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:07 pm
Cemeeli, I disagree. I personally think the exchange and acceptance of gifts can create false hope (speaking on his side). While two parents should interact and take care of their child, I don’t think personal gifts are the smart way to go. And to be involved in the planning of his party is stilling being involved with him on personal level. That’s just my opinion.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 21st, 2010
3:07 pm
Eric Roberson at Passion and Poetry 02-14! HAWT DAYUM!!
Hey Truth, how do?
Willie D – you puttin baby voodoo on folks?!?!
Dream_n~ Priceless
January 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
Thanx Cee.. I do want to help. I know he will be sooo surprised.
SC.. Something I haven’t come to terms with, but I’m working on. I’d just rather see him happy.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
Hey Truth! What’s shakin, ex-hubby?
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
Ladies if you need 100K to be happy I’m not gonna knock it…Unless I have a 100k, then I’m knocking it “All night longggggg” (said in my creepy Adam Sandler voice)
*Musing now doing swirly things with his hips*
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
SexyCool, you better have that baby before you get too old. I tell you having a baby at 21 and having a baby at 41 makes a world of difference. I know been there, done that. 21 and 41.
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:09 pm
Dream_n you’re in a funny situation for several reasons but I’ve heard people say that however long the relationship lasted then that’s how long it may take you to get over that person. Your feelings are not like a faucet,you know?…you can’t just turn them on/off at will(alot us wish we could though). Plus keep in mind that you tow have to co-parent a child together and it’ll be good for your baby to see mommy n daddy gettng along well and being friends….BUT as for the mother wanting you to help with his party I think you should do wht you’re emotionally comfortable with. If you’re too raw then maybe you can participate(to a minimal a degree) and then kinda fall back(so as not to cross any lines or get feelings hurt).
Dream_n~ Priceless
January 21st, 2010
3:10 pm
@ Raqi
Didn’t really think about it that way.
Back to the drawing board..
Catch ya later Ladies/ Gents!
Professor
January 21st, 2010
3:10 pm
@Dream_n you have to ask yourself if throwing the party a GF role or something that would be great to do for ____ whatever reason you insert in the blank.
I would not be ready for that, and what if he brings a friend to his party…like a girl he is getting to know. I would probably tell his mom I have plans that weekend and the new job has zapped a lot of my time (decline).
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:13 pm
@ Raqi – Whether or not he gives it to her or give it to her daughter to give to the Mother of his child, it’s a gift he wanted to share. He is not pining to be her baby’s daddy (cause he already is)…he’s had her in “that” place before.
I can retreat here… as a single parent just like her.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:13 pm
Truth hey man!
While Professor and I are on the opposite ends regarding women making more, not once did she say the measure of a good man is his salary. Y’all need to quit tripping on her preference because I’ve never seen one dude on here state that it doesn’t matter how much a woman weighs, it’s her personality that counts…
lurker
January 21st, 2010
3:13 pm
Raqi – I know right, tiga the cheetah…lol. Of the men friends I have, all do pretty decent but there are couple raking it in one is at or over $130K the other well past it. They are of the mentality that the deeper the pockets the bigger the expose.
Dan – Would you agree that making that declaration further limits the pool of “good” men that are available? That is, ain’t she pricing herself out of the market?
I’d say you’re on the money
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
3:14 pm
Right now, Raqi – I’m expecting to be 40/41 for Baby One and ONLY.
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
3:16 pm
@ Cee.. I agree with Raqi.
If you want to do anything do it on behalf of the little one… Like when my youngest was 7 when I divorced and wanted to give “daddy” a x-mas present, of course, she doesn’t have any money so I gave her a job to do to earn some and she bought her dad a gift.
I don’t know how old your child is but perhaps that approach vs. getting all involved.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
3:16 pm
SC – I can knock you up… I want a little girl..
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:17 pm
More love will come by taking care of everything else than by focusing on love at the expense of everything else. When you’re in a good place in life love is easy.
And let the “chuch” say AMEN. Truth glad to read you again….that was deep bruh.
Musing now doing swirly things with his hips
Rock it papi
Speaking of “Schweaty” did anyone see that skit Alec Baldwin did on SNL(I think) or Mad TV when he was on a radio show talking about his recipe for his “Schweaty balls”….they were really meatballs but did anyone ever see that?
atlguy79
January 21st, 2010
3:18 pm
Well I’m a single 30y/o guy who has a masters degree and an ok $71K job. I have no issues at all with dating a woman who makes more money than me. I will have to disagree with the writers theory that men from single mother households may want a less educated woman. My parents split when I was in the 9th grade. My siblings and I lived with my father and not my mother, except on weekends, holidays, and when school was out. My point is that my mother is a high school drop out and has struggled every since that split. Seeing her struggles has actually made me more weary (altough it has not stopped me) of dating less educated and successful women.
Professor
January 21st, 2010
3:18 pm
@Tazzee I am glad you read me correctly! I deleted a post about how I never said only a good man makes blank. I just figured I needed to buy some folks on here a leap frog or two.
lurker
January 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
Tazzee – for the most part if you make 125K and he makes 35K it matters, because certain restaurants, activities and trips he is not going to be able to afford. That can be a problem. He wants to chill at home and you want to go somewhere and have a nice dinner in a nice spot and that $125 is his light bill money not play on the town money
not once did she say the measure of a good man is his salary not verbatim but in so many words…semantics
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:21 pm
Eric Roberson at Passion and Poetry 02-14! HAWT DAYUM!!
I’m soo going to that show Mo. At first it was just going to be on Saturday but the last time I heard the advertisement the Sunday show had been added. I’ll be going regardless,though. Why did Joyce leave V-103?
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
3:22 pm
I’m not saying you did, Proff.
I’m saying that arbitrary things like income, status, skin tone, breast size, etc. are barriers that (like Grandma said) block your blessings.
To each his (or her) own, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:24 pm
@411 – Okay. I ain’t never one to argue. I didn’t see it as a “pawn” in that regard. And she just wanted to see some’n she could read, & from different perspectives. So now she can do what fits them.
She purchased things too…and even if baby only gave daddy the gift….auh, “we” still buy the gifts and take them to get it. So…
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
Sassy, would you like a taste of my “Schweaty Balls?”…That is a classic SNL skit..Crazy! LOLOL
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
Fine, no recap for you Leggs!
Hello MusingLee and Truth!
lurker
January 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
I’m just trying to remember when black folks got to be so high falutin?
Professor
January 21st, 2010
3:26 pm
I like the way I get some of you upset with this money thing, so moving forward…I am going to write something called Money Madness Maybe the HBP folks will send me some money, because I am sure I am giving them some new customers.
mail call
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
3:26 pm
Sorry, meant Dream_N vs. Cee.
Anyhoo… I wouldn’t recommend getting involved, and keep your tail away from the party!
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
Cemeeli, I am just speaking from personal experience with my son’s father. As long as there was that personal exchange he felt like he could evenly get back in. It was in his words that I could tell. I learned to cut if off all together. When it came to birthdays and Christmas he bought what he wanted the boy to have and I did on my end. There was no giving of gifts to us thru the child.
Now my son buys whatever he gifts for me or his father out of his own money and his own will. I don’t get involved with it.
But like I said that’s my personal experience and opinion.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
Infamous – not ‘knock you up’….LOL
Sassy – Joyce left V-103?!?!? I didnt know that! I love Eric Roberson (really feeling that song he has with Lalah Hathaway….HAWT) and of course poetry so I’ll be there too. I may have to swing solo to this one cause I want to enjoy myself thoroughly! LOL!
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:28 pm
And yeah what happens if Dream_n plans a party, attends and he brings another woman?
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:29 pm
Mo/Sassy – I love Eric Roberson!! I love his song Borrow You! Saw pictures of his wedding last year on Essence.com.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:29 pm
lurker – that example is just stating the type of man she desires. She’s described a good man because he knows to pay his light bill rather than play on the town. Good man, just not good for her.
All guys that date fat, unattractive women with winning personalities – raise your hand. *crickets*
The Truth-basking in a relatively warm 70 degrees
January 21st, 2010
3:29 pm
Hello to my friends and ex wives. Lol
tazzee, I have a question for you. I’ve heard Willie D, Melo and other guys speak of the pride that comes from being able to care for their own. Was wondering if you’ve felt that being the breadwinner??
Atlguy, post your email Addie and you can feast in this joint. Lol
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
Leggs – how’s the car?
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
@SassaFrass and Mo – Eric? oh Really?
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
And Cemeeli yeah he had her before but what’s to say that he does not want her back. Her personal exchanges and accepting can give him false hope. She already stated on here that she was weary about how he would react when she left him. Why make the man think he has a chance when he doesn’t?
That may not be the case but I am just saying. They all think they can get back in especially with the separation is still fresh.
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
3:33 pm
@ Cee… I didn’t see it as a “pawn” in that regard. “Pawn” never crossed my mind.
I was thinking if she has a good relationship with her ex-mother-in-law and wanted to help her out she could contribute but not get emotionally/physically involved.
My ex mother-in-law and I had a relationship independent of my husband.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
3:34 pm
SexyCool, yes now. LOL
(Raqi’s common sense yelling out at SexyCool) Don’t listen to this crazy woman. She is high on cough syrup. Don’t have no babies at your age!!!!!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 21st, 2010
3:34 pm
Cemeeli – yes chica! Eric Roberson!
Kimmie – I knew he got married didnt know he let Essence post pics…lemme see if I can check’em out.
Eric Roberson is that FIYA! I love that dude’s voice
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
3:35 pm
Don’t worry Mo I’ll be going solo,too. I read here on the ajc just today that she left the show but no reason was given.
Musing wasn’t that skit the ish? Whoever those two radio personlities were made even better…hilarious.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
3:36 pm
@Raqi – We can discuss this til the moon is blue. Now at first he was buying her gifts cuase he wanted back in…then after more thought he decides to bring another woman to the party?
That’s some Maury Povich i don’t wanna get into.
Good luck Dream_n….
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
3:36 pm
Mo – You have to do a search under the Bridal Bliss section. They had the pictures around the middle of 2009 I think, though I believe the actual wedding was in 2008.