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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

More Money, More Men?

One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women.  I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry.  My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.

Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition.  I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.

I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends.  Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”?  Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?

The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.”  I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.

In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman.  She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?

The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?”  Thoughts?

476 comments Add your comment

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:32 pm

@ Cee..

Girl those things boiled to long and split open (looked kinda weird) so I’m boiling another pot.. gotta keep my eye on them.. Man cooking is sooo hard.. LOL

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:32 pm

@Melo

Unemployment is by no means temporary.

And as in most economic matters, things are inter-related. The point Kym is making is that in these economic times, we’re all (potentially) one check away from financial ruin.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:33 pm

It’s sure as hell important to me. Regular O’s keep me happy.

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
2:34 pm

I see this rain has err’body “feelin it” today…

Sho nuff do :oops:

i’m like SassaFrass…just sayin’ what other folk are thinkin,

I see you CeeMee…do it to ‘em. :)

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:34 pm

@Dream

That’s what I was saying. Professor says she is successful. Success is relative. Success doesnt translate really to having a good job paying $130K because the key word in the sentence is JOB meaning you are still working for someone else meaning they can pull the plug on you any day and then what? So use the term well off over successful.

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
2:34 pm

Melo

She shouldn’t have to settle. She should do what’s best for her and take the consequences (good/bad). Sometimes the life change is an opportunity to do what you have been wanting to do but couldn’t afford to do…sometimes that benefits the man…sometimes the woman…sometimes both.

I doubt a person who loves his/her job would stop looking after a layoff…but most people don’t love their job.

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:35 pm

kimmie, our trash guy makes a decent living. He is recently married and has a new baby. Very nice and mannerable. He is always singing certain types of songs so I assume he goes to church. There are a lot of good men out there making decent livings outside of the conference rooms that getting hitched coming and going.

I'm through...

January 21st, 2010
2:36 pm

Come get me sugarmomma! Where does this leave all those giver and taker boys from the Gayest City in America?

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

Success like beauty is often in the eye of the beholder. Depending at what mark the definition of success has been set, a person could very well be the most successful Fry Guy McDonald’s has ever known.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

Melo – I need a loan.

how much human collateral u have??

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

@SC

Get ‘em out in 4.2 minutes golden brown. And be strutting like a peacock!

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
2:39 pm

There are countless articles and blogs and discussions about how a lot of sisters are single because they are too materialistic and won’t give a “blue collar” brother a chance. I just don’t believe that to be true.

Most of my good friends are educated and in what may be considered white collar jobs, even though a few don’t pay as much as some blue collar jobs. With the exception of 2, my friends and most of the other women I’m around on the regular are married to blue collar guys. Plus, the blue collar guys I know that are single have NO problem meeting nice women! I also know 2 guys that can’t keep a steady job to save their lives and have no ambition, BUT they have nice girlfriends!

I know my little personal poll is very unscientific. But if a guy is having trouble meeting nice women to date & or marry, they may want to look in the mirror. Because even with the so-called man-shortage, women are passing you up.

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:39 pm

@ M.

I respect Professor’s position and I’m sure she respects mine. She’s an intelligent woman. Her view on this topic works for her and I aint knocking it. She has the right to want a certain calibur of man. She’s the one who will have to deal with the man, and she’d rather deal with one on her level… Her perrogative (sp?)

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:39 pm

While folks comparing pocketbooks they better be comparing libidos along with it. It causes just as many and sometimes more problems in relationships than money does.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:40 pm

Yeah…tonight has been confirmed.

I think my girlfriend just hunched up a bit!!!

Professor

January 21st, 2010
2:42 pm

Dream_n!!!! Wassup chick!!!

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:43 pm

Im out uall

good nite!

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:43 pm

Hey Professor!!!!!!!!!!!!

How have you been??

Lord Velonese

January 21st, 2010
2:44 pm

” Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful”

Really? Thats total BS. Yeah my bank account matters but I don’t believe in sharing. This has to be the gayest topic this week.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:44 pm

@Kimmie

Women make bad decisions all the time…so that’s not true.

But to your larger point, you’re right. However one defines success, it ultimately has nothing to do with relationships. That’s a function of the two people in the relationship.

Professor

January 21st, 2010
2:45 pm

@M.(dot) and lurker…just as I sound shallow about not wanting to deal with a certain type of man that is the same shallow feeling I could lay upon these blog dudes not wanting to be with a chick, because she does not want their dried up dyck in her mouth. We all have our likes and dislikes or deal breakers and I will say it loud and proud I don’t want a broke azz man when there is a 100K difference.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:45 pm

@ Dream_n – You tryna be funny?…you know darn well cooking ain’t that hard. Stop playin with my emotions and get my hot dog, woman!!!

lemme got get me something outta my cerdenza to snack on

@ SassaFrass – He is just a REGULAR guy! lol…i see you ova there southern belle. Let’s see if Fan likes us both when we go down Southern Belle lane.

ok – imma give you a word and you come back with a southern gal’s reply.

Greasy fingers-

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:45 pm

even though a few don’t pay as much as some blue collar jobs

kimmie, you know a lot of people do not realize that. My bff’s husband is an electrician. He went to college and all that but when he came out he kept right on wiring houses and building with his dad just like he did before he went to college. He makes really good money. He makes more than my other bff’s husband who is an underwriter.

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
2:46 pm

Dream_n – You can pass those too-long-split hot dogs to me! I love them like that. I slide them under the broiler to get a little browned/burnt and get some mustard, maybe some good chili!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 21st, 2010
2:46 pm

Cemeeli – yeah I see Musing trying to hold down the homefront! :smile:

LOL @ Sassafrass!

Willie Dynamite

January 21st, 2010
2:46 pm

Lets see today plus about 8.5 months we’ll be hearing about some blog babies. Gotta love Mother Nature.

Professor

January 21st, 2010
2:46 pm

I have been good Dream_n how about you? Did you get my email?

Mr. Lurker ( B.K.A. 007)

January 21st, 2010
2:47 pm

Wow…You guys are putting it down today! Tazzee great post today. Knowing the self-worth of your man speaks volume about the wisdon you have obtain thru your fellowship with GOD!

Where is lurker I would like to see your comments regarding this topic!

Look dating women who are doing is easy they know what they want and if they want to do something they invite you along all expenses paid!

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
2:47 pm

I think my girlfriend just hunched up a bit!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sounds like errbody’s gonna have a good time tonooiiight

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:48 pm

LOL SexyCool. Go get it girl.

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:49 pm

@ kimmie LOL bun or regular bread?

@ Professor:
Yup I got it, but I told you about the new position so, it’s coming with more responsibility. That’s the one good thing I like about my job, they promote within, but after work, I put mini me in classes (only 45 min) so I sit and wait for her, then when I get home. Summary of what she did, bath, and dinner… and I’m beat..

But I’ll try to email ya back today!!! :)

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:51 pm

Relationships are hard as sht. I’ve been blogging with y’all for five years and sometimes, I still feel like I’m making it up as I go along.

However, I’m getting it more right than wrong these days and am in a relationship that I am fairly confident is heading towards “Marriage. Babies. But no dog cause you don’t want one, SexyCool.” (We just gotta get through these troubled waters without me losing patience and jumping ship.)

BTW – I responded that we could get a dog, but that it would just be HIS dog.

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
2:51 pm

Women make bad decisions all the time…so that’s not true.

Dan – So do men. And I did add a disclaimer that my little poll was unscientific, just my observations in my little world. I still believe, if dudes in prison can get play, and you’re an able-bodied, hardworking, employed, healthy dude that can complete a sentence and you keep getting passed up, you might want to look at self. It’s not your blue collar.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:52 pm

@Professor

Wow…where did the class go…or maybe it never existed. I’ll go with the latter…Dudes can say stuff loud and proud too. They want a attractive woman who doesnt isnt like a 1985 Buick LeSabre-Full of baggage and has over 200,000 miles. ;)

lurker

January 21st, 2010
2:52 pm

She has the right to want a certain calibur of man.

I agree it’s everybody’s peragotive to do what works for them but don’t be crossed to believe that ONLY a good man is a result of 100K a year. I’m just saying making money doesn’t qualify a man (or woman for that matter) as a “good” man. While making decent money ain’t a bad thing, the thing(s) that qualifies a man to be a “good” man don’t stop there. So if we’re speaking of “caliber” it’s not singularly money that qualifies.

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:53 pm

Cemeeli, kimmie, Dream_n, have any you watched that new show World’s Worst Cooks? It’s a pretty good show but I do think it is unfair that they are taking people that know nothing about cooking and having them compete making fancy sometimes over the top dishes after only a few minutes of instructions and a recipe. Some do very well but some are just pitiful.

There is this gay guy on there that I am surprised has not been voted off yet. Nothing comes out right because he is so scared of “hurting” the food. He didn’t allow the grill marks to properly cook onto a piece of salmon because he is so timid. LOL

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
2:55 pm

imma give you a word and you come back with a southern gal’s reply.

Greasy fingers-

Ooh uh uh, honey….let me get you a napkin….while I’m thinking won’t be puttin them old greazzy fangers on me…shyyd I know, I know….

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:55 pm

“how much human collateral u have??”

Human collateral???

Well darn Melo. I give up my first born?

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
2:55 pm

Raqi – Okay, you make it sound fun so I am going to check that show out. I was turned off at first because on one of the commercials the food looked really nasty and I thought I would not have the patience to watch it. But it sounds entertaining, so I’ll check it out!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:56 pm

@kimmie

True. Blue, white, or none, collars have never really mattered in my world.

Tomayto, tomato.

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:56 pm

Lurker, I wonder how good of man does Elin Woods thinks Cheetah…I mean Tiger is right now. He is worth what? Billions? LOL

LoveLife411

January 21st, 2010
2:58 pm

@ Lurker … He’s man enough to do it and not go broke.

MAN ENOUGH… managing his end… so, don’t think twice about it. I got you!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:58 pm

@lurker

Would you agree that making that declaration further limits the pool of “good” men that are available? That is, ain’t she pricing herself out of the market?

And Prof don’t get mad, because I’m saying that we all do it in one way or another…

Elijah

January 21st, 2010
2:59 pm

Professor… Spring is around the corner, so when do you want those lemon pepperwings with a hot Krispy creme donut? :wink:

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:59 pm

I gotta quick question.. Then I gotta go.

Just want some quick feed back.
So Christmas, the ex bought me a new phone (touch screen!! LOL) and a new coat.

I didnt think we were soing big things, so I got him a razor set and a $25 gift card.. LOL I know I know.. I jsut didnt want to put a lot of effort into the gift b/c we’re not together anymore.

He appreciated it and thanked me.
But now his mom wants me to plan a surprise bday party with her for him. Heis bday is next weekend. Now I’m not saying I’m fully over him, b/c he has besn very nice to me. I mean we dont argue, we’re compromising on seeing the mini me. He’s just being everything I knew he could be.

Am I being too close?? or is it okay to help with the party. I mean 5 years together and only a month and a few weeks apart now. I still want him to be happy.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
3:00 pm

Ooh uh uh, honey….let me get you a napkin….while I’m thinking won’t be puttin them old greazzy fangers on me…shyyd I know, I know

Hon-ney…that’s a southern girl right dere! hehehe…

Well SassaFrass you win a pound cake from Fan!

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
3:00 pm

Lets see today plus about 8.5 months we’ll be hearing about some blog babies.

:shock:

Thanks for the reminder Willie D….gotta make sure I have some of those golden mags close by.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
3:01 pm

Wanting a person to be happy and attempting to take responsibility for that happiness are two totally different things. You’re not responsible for HIS happiness.

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
3:01 pm

@ Raqi

I’ve only seen previews of the show. Might have to check it out though..

Leggs

January 21st, 2010
3:01 pm

I know this is a lot to ask but no way I can read all of this. Just came back from a funeral…what’s now being talked about? Who’s making sense? Who’s not, if anyone?