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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

More Money, More Men?

One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women.  I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry.  My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.

Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition.  I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.

I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends.  Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”?  Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?

The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.”  I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.

In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman.  She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?

The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?”  Thoughts?

476 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

January 21st, 2010
1:53 pm

SexyCool I knew I was somewhere in the ballpark. I’m somewhat an expert on tension…and the release of it. haha

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
1:53 pm

Mdot, I will not lie to you. I am average. Just your average shade of Fabulous.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
1:54 pm

Submission,surrendering,swallowing,…now uall have me messd up!

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
1:54 pm

One guy even admitted that if his wife had a kid he might actually become a stay at home dad, because they (as a family) couldn’t afford for his wife to quit her job and stay home.

As of yet, I am not against that idea, provided to guy does the cooking and housekeeping (team effort)…Now I do have a problem with guys who “don’t mind” you being the only financial provider and don’t care to do the rest (cooking & housekeeping).

Funny, many “men” have a problem doing what is considered traditional women’s roles and have the same problem doing traditional male roles.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
1:54 pm

Aren’t there always? I may be one. I’m not that hawt. LMAO!

Melo

January 21st, 2010
1:56 pm

Tazzee..u gon have a prenup?

Anotha Brotha

January 21st, 2010
1:56 pm

There are more men of financial means of any given race/group then women of the same group. The 2010 census will confirm this and you all will have one less excuse to use as cover for why you don’t have a man. And btw, I’m betting about 90% make less than 45k. The question is, why don’t those men of status want to be with you and why are your options limited to the mechanic-type? It’s usually one of three things that the unwed amongst you have in common:

1- That pyscho, contemptuous mouth (with keywords like “standards”, “settling” etc) that he doesn’t have to tolerate.

2- You’re overweight and unhealthy (evolution here-not going to take a chance with his seed if you doesn’t have to)

3- Lack of accountability for her own success/failures. Deflecting responsibility to someone else is a WEAK trait. And who wants a weak woman?

As far as claiming other races…Remember that loudmouth redbone on the ABC clip talking about the white guy that was supposedly about to ask for her number? And then he got to know her and bounced! White guys aren’t choosing either.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
1:57 pm

I don’t think a woman can submit to any man if he’s not in some form submissive himself.

Case in point…if my guy believes truly that God has dominion over him, and everything is not his own works and know from where it comes from…then that’s what Cee “the submissive woman” can get with.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:00 pm

Taz – Every time I listen to “I Feel Good”, it just tickles me pink when I remember you associate that song with me. LOVES it!!!

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 21st, 2010
2:00 pm

Melo – nope

Cemeeli – I would never submit to a man that does not submit himself to God. Additionally, I would never submit to a man that has a problem taking advice from another man. Those “can’t no man tell me how to run my household” dudes were a definite red flag. Now, if he’s taking advice from Boo Boo the Fool down the street, that’s a whole nother problem.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:00 pm

@Raqi

That’s cool. I can respect that. It’s those that know they look a mess and overcompensate with extra attitude, sassy, and ego to make themselves feel better.

Binford2K

January 21st, 2010
2:01 pm

I don’t know why a man would be intimidated by a woman who made more money. What if I was a special education teacher and she was a controller, but we both did what we wanted?

“Traditional” roles are out the window, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great arrangement in your life. As long as one is self-sufficient and working towards something, I don’t see anything but misplaced ego in the way. If you are part of a true team, you do what you do to win and are as selfless as possible.

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:01 pm

Tazzee, the thing that has worked for us these past 4 years is having a written budget that we both obey. The magic word in marriage is OBEY. (LOL) Neither one of us is really the CFO because we actually do sit down together with the bills and look thru them. The only bill I don’t see is one credit card bill because he has it on his company account.

We have a set amount that we agree we will consult the other before spending. There has been a time or two that we butted heads but for the most part it’s a working system.

And you will probably soon find out that with him having a business it is necessary that some monies are keep on the side.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:02 pm

Luvbug??

regarding stay at home dads…??

i read, and i read a lot..surprisingly,the most stay at home dads i read about are white….
Either afr/american families dont want to put their bizz out there or its not very common in afr/american families for afr/american men to go the stay at home dudes.

Now,for the few afr/aemrican dudes who stay at home,with no huustle of some sort on the surface,the few that have been revealed to me are in really mis-cued relationships….
I have yet to meet an african american dude who really dont mind being a stay at home dude….and No,drug dealers and midnite/dark hrs clandestine oprators are not in consideration.

My wife tho says,if i get this gig,she is staying home…. :lol:

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:03 pm

Hope you get the gig, Melo.

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 21st, 2010
2:03 pm

SCool – I heard it for the first time when driving home and I kid you not, I immediately thought of you. I always remember that time we met for breakfast at IHOP and you walked in the joint like you owned the place, LOL.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:03 pm

@Anotha Brotha

Also alot of women think they have it all but know they really cant get/maintain a guy of means so like you said the mechanic type (no offense to them) is really all they can get, so they try to make it sound cool, like oh I like thugs etc.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:05 pm

Tazzee – I can get on the other type of man that wants a submissive woman but caint submit aaaaaaaalllll day long. But i’mma leave that alone and stay over here on the sunny side of thangs…right over here with my prettiful Man.

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 21st, 2010
2:06 pm

Melo – I hope you get the gig too. Your Queen deserves to stay at home, since you never gave her an engagement ring ;-)

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
2:07 pm

“Traditional” roles are out the window

@Binford2K – What date did that happen? Many people are constantly harassed about not staying in these roles…I want that to be true (most of it :lol: ) but I haven’t witnessed much of the change yet.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:08 pm

@ Leggs – Lol…i am cracking up at myself…’Cause while you and erry’body else is out lalagaggin, and travelin’, ‘n having fun.

Who gon feed these dang, kids!?!?

hehehehe

Elijah

January 21st, 2010
2:08 pm

Sassy I am doing well!

Like Kym stated times are changing in regards to employment, a many folks have had their pay reduce 30 to 50 percent so if you looking for financial independence from a potential mate, you may have to jump in line with a whole lot of folks out here!

SexyCool… So the SO put you on strike? While you have some free time we can still market your PSH video to the blog ladies! :smile:

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:08 pm

Mechanic types = thugs, Mdot? My husband has two cousins that are mechanics and they are both church going men and seem to be pretty honest. And they both are married with a nice family.

Professor

January 21st, 2010
2:09 pm

@DreamsM…now that was funny…lmao…not the flipping the grant money :grin:

@M dot…I guess I thought most of us had seen each other. BTW get your panties out of the knot it seems like you are so easily offended.

…stepping out

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR

January 21st, 2010
2:09 pm

Another Bro – Well D@mn!

MusingLee

January 21st, 2010
2:10 pm

Dreams,I just read your post about the basketball squad and I dang near spit Pepsi all over my computer screen…You’s a fool!!

I was thinking myself “Self, who the helz they gonna play against?!?!”

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:10 pm

@Everyone.

It’s interesting that we are talking about finances on the low end of the spectrum. I have a test that I used to find out if I am settling in a relationship.

Here is the test all.

If you had a significant change in your financial situation for the better, will you still be with the same mate, spouse, or person you are dating. Circle YES or NO lol

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:10 pm

Thnx SexxyCool!

(i was realy surprised to hear my 41/2 yr old boy say back to me,”thanx”,after i complimenetd him on smething.It was funny/hilarious and surprising at the same time..cld’nt laugh out loud coz if i did,he wld have said,”whaaaat”!) luv that dude!.. :lol:

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:12 pm

@Binford

That’s all it ever is (misplaced ego) disguised as “values”

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:12 pm

Your Queen deserves to stay at home, since you never gave her an engagement ring

:lol:

Iam glad she aint listening!

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:13 pm

@Professor

“BTW get your panties out of the knot it seems like you are so easily offended.”

LOL trying to attack a guy’s manhood. That’s a good ol 1960’s civil rights jedi mind trick. So what are you like 48 or something?

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:15 pm

@Melo

Good luck on getting the job.

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
2:15 pm

Melo – that was my point…these men are not “stay at home dads” they just dads (using loosely) staying at home. They take no titles…no roles…don’t mind not working…don’t mind not cleaning, cooking or taking care of the kids.

For the women in that situation, give em a title and ask if the food and stuff ready when you hit the door…these dudes getting off easy.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:16 pm

@Raqi

I didn’t say that mechanics=thugs. I was saying from a standpoint how some women say oh I like thugs or a guy who really isnt doing anything because in their mind they know they really cant do any better so they try to make it look like its cool. I wasnt dissing the mechanics like I said.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:17 pm

Anotha Brotha??

how about the fact that a lot of brothers are in jail??

Is that statistic not also working against women who want marriage??

U with the census,tell us!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
2:19 pm

The classic “There is no ‘I’ in team” – solves this whole conundrum

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:20 pm

Oh, and Miss Mamma…NOW i see it..hmmmph…yea…took a break and since i’m on here. I feel you.

i’m like SassaFrass…just sayin’ what other folk are thinkin,

:) …my man is better, to me. Lol…okay. that’s funny

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 21st, 2010
2:23 pm

Afternoon All! I see this rain has err’body “feelin it” today, me included. WHEW!

Professor – I introduced my sister to the hot wings w lemon pepper sprinkles and girlfriend is hooked.

Aspiring Stay at Home Dad MusingLee

January 21st, 2010
2:24 pm

-Musing walks into kitchen-

Musing: Baby I think if we ever have kids I’m gonna stay at home.

Ms. Musing: Really?! And do what?

Musing: Take care of the kids, play Xbox, update my facebook..You know “stay at home stuff”

*Ms. Musing now Ninja Assassins Kung Fu sidekicks Musing azz through the kitchen side door*

Bleeding Musing: When the fk did you start taking Kung Fu lessons????

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
2:24 pm

@Anotha Brotha

Also speaking of the ABC special, how come they didnt just sit down 5 guys and ASK them why they arent marrying the women? Were they that hard to find or were they all in jail?

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:24 pm

There are so many things over and above the finances that couples have to/need to agree on before getting married. Stuff like your spouse being okay with the amount of time you spend outside of the house with your friends. Church attending, Birth control usage. (I think the Duggars don’t believe in birth control)…all of that stuff is just as important as who does the cooking and who does the cleaning.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
2:26 pm

but does unemployement change a person’s core values..isnt high unemployement a temporary thang!

we got high unemployement and high pay reductions even for those still employed….

so why must a single chic who took a pay cut have to settle for a dude who earns less or is unemployed when shes also seeking some security in her own right..in a traditional sense??

I hear what Kym is saying about unemployement but somebody else problems shdln’t define the direction that another is taking.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:26 pm

Melo – I need a loan.

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
2:26 pm

Melo – Claim that gig!

Raqi – One of my older brothers is a licensed mechanic and he does VERY well. Married with 3 kids too, & nice house.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
2:28 pm

Raqi – don’t forget how much sex to have. LOL!

Dream_n~ Priceless

January 21st, 2010
2:28 pm

Hey all… busy busy busy..

I had to laugh @ part of that topic.. smh

Given light from a different spectrum, right now I guess I would be on the low totem pole, but I wouldn’t want a guy to discriminate against me because my bank account wasn’t as large as his. I mean money is a necessity in life, but when it comes to a relationship, I think excluding a person from even stepping up to bat based upon their income is a bit shallow.

Being with a person or even giving a person a chance should not be determined by a pay check. Hell that job can be taken away from you just as fast as it was given. So when the money is gone what do you have left?? You have to have character, there has to be something else to you other than the fact that you can pay a $300.00 dinner tab.

Being negligent with your money or savings can attribute to a deownfall of a relationship and I don’t think I would stick around with someone who is careless with their money.

Hell 20k 30k 40k or 50k… take that out of the equation.. As long as we’re working to keep bills paid, kid(s) feed, savings.. basically living comfortably and we’re both happy.. I don’t see a problem.

Now I’m not knocking others for their choices, because god gave us free will. But having that mind set may keep you single or in a never ending rotation of men trying to meet “your” expectations.

Hey Melo, Prof!

lurker

January 21st, 2010
2:28 pm

On topic: Raqi, DreamsM, Infamous DK…I’m agreeing. Not knocking you sister but this statement here —> for the most part if you make 125K and he makes 35K it matters, because certain restaurants, activities and trips he is not going to be able to afford. That can be a problem. He wants to chill at home and you want to go somewhere and have a nice dinner in a nice spot and that $125 is his light bill money not play on the town money

….comes off either really shallow or ignornant. I know it’s to each his own but it’s not about money. Real men just want to know you’re on their team, they can handle the rest. As someone mention, if you’re making significantly more than him and can frequent upscale places whereas he cannot afford, then yeah you should pay. From experience though, whether or not his pockets can compete with yours, if you’re worth it (upscale), he’s paying. He’s man enough to do it and not go broke. A couple of upscale places won’t break a brother anyway. IMO

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:29 pm

Hey Mo Se eyou boy MusingLee is tryna be a stay at home dad.

Im’a help brother out with his campaigning…we all need a break sometimes.

lol…

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
2:30 pm

Where are the hot dogs Dream_n? – It’s time for our mid day eat.

Now, get in there and get ta cookin’! :)

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
2:31 pm

SexyCool you are right. Seriously. Sex is a very big matter in marriages. And it should be discussed as to frequency before tying the knot with someone. While there will always be exceptions that may change things from time to time you better at least have an understanding as to what is expected.