More Money, More Men?
One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women. I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry. My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.
Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition. I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.
I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends. Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”? Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?
The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.” I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.
In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?
The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?” Thoughts?
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476 comments Add your comment
Elijah
January 21st, 2010
1:24 pm
Sassy…Who are you talking about calling?
@SexyCool…I got you on those 9 digits! Honey pot and money that must be in good working order!
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:25 pm
LUCK!!!
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:25 pm
Professor – lemon pepper?
Professor
January 21st, 2010
1:25 pm
Hey Elijah!
BTW I am glad you understand my point.
@DK what if your partner is bad with money? I saw this at work one time years ago the husband would go shopping not often and buy tools and stuff…checks would bounce, because he used the debit card and bills were out there via checks.
Cee's #1 Fan
January 21st, 2010
1:26 pm
Miss Lady I like readin you on here.
you are a sweet southern woman. like a good azz pound cake!
Professor
January 21st, 2010
1:26 pm
@Tazzee and you know it! Well 1/2 lemon pepper and 1/2 hot with lemon pepper sprinkles.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
1:27 pm
Prof – His F up money acct her F up money acct and every purchase over a 100 should be discussed.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
1:27 pm
Prof
Dang I told you last week I’ll have my half of the rent tomorrow. That bread and bologne I bought yesterday don’t count for nothing? I think I’m gonna have to break up with you…be hounding me too much.
kimmy
January 21st, 2010
1:28 pm
Men always say that money doesn’t matter, but there are very few men who would date a woman who was making more money and was very goal oriented. Frank Ski said he couldn’t date Oprah this week because he had to many goals and when asked what he did he could say he “helped a charity” and she would say “she opened one”. So that is a prime example men are typically okay with you dropping your dreams to help them reach theirs, but won’t do the same for a woman. If there are men who are willing to date a more ambitious driven woman and support her dreams god bless them, but many men won’t do it. If as a man or rather a human can look past the material and date the person for what they offer that is great. Because lets be honet most people are rich not wealthy and they may have it now but can loose it in a second.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:28 pm
Sassy, SexyCool and Raqi – this is one of those days that I hate we only see each other on the weekends…
Kym
January 21st, 2010
1:30 pm
Good afternoon All,
Okay I saw this topic right below the headline Record unemployment number and figured I had to comment..I am sure this has been hit on over and over in numerous post..but with 10.3% unemployment in this state and the same in the nation. You can almost bet your head you will possible run up on a gentleman or lady amongst the unemployed. If not, you will run up on someone who has had to make a huge career shift or change to accomodate conditions..and unless your last name is Buffett and Warren is your daddy, or you are independantly wealthy..then you are going to work for someone. These days, all of us I don’t care how together you are could possible face being one paycheck from the breadline. I have heard stories of people going from 100k to no k’s burning through savings etc. I say all of this to say that if you are hedging your bets on love based on someone’s W2 you are looking at a increasingly small list of candidates. Why should it matter if the person makes less? I heard NPR cover this topic yesterday..they spoke with several men regarding making less than their wives..most of the guys were cool with it. One guy even admitted that if his wife had a kid he might actually become a stay at home dad, because they (as a family) couldn’t afford for his wife to quit her job and stay home. That is not about love finding away…that is just reality.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:30 pm
Girlfriend, that makes for a long ass week – especially on a day like today.
I am stretched so tight right now…(There are not any more words.)
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:31 pm
@ Tazzee – Girl, i like you ring too! Chile please.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:32 pm
Infamous – we’re trying to determine our floor for discussed purchases. But we’re on the same page with the ‘play’ accounts.
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
1:32 pm
Dont worry it aint just ya’ll I could go for some schweaty bucky naked right about now..
Now see that was a visual I soo did not need DK(but I likes it schweaty)…..just got a phone call and it’s ON.
Dreams how’d you know it was me?….you got caller i d over there…lol
Heey Eli..how you durrn?
Raqi good luck tonoooiiiight
Don’t hurt him too bad…you know we got a debating match coming up.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:33 pm
sigh…who is it?…ooookay.
Well Fan i’m not southern, i’m from Mechanicsville.
lol
Professor
January 21st, 2010
1:33 pm
@DK I see what you are saying, but I could not see discussing anything over $100…shoot my size would be gone while we are trying to talk…
@M dot…@Professor, you said you were going to stick with your kind and you never mentioned what your kind was. Are you on the Forbes 400 List? I did not mention my kind, but is clear that we are in two different worlds So what value does it add discussing my kind in my world when folks are not open minded. At the end of the day a lot of folks like me made good decisions and planned to have a certain life and made good on it…Now we all should put up our assets and value or play big bank take little bank.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Just yesterday, I heard a woman even say on the radio that women have a problem with the S word…submissve..
@Elijah
You must didnt read the post. I said it was my coworker who was talking to the guy who did that. I never even met the guy.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
SC – That comment made me think i’d beat ya body like a congo
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Tazzee, honestly I hadn’t even given it any thought. But when he opened my door for me and I was about to get into the car he pressed those strong soft wonderful lips against my neck I was like “now that you mention it”. LOL
PRINCESSNIK
January 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Hey all, I just got time to check in rainy days make for busy days in the Maintenance Dept.
On topic: I have no problem with a guy making less money than me, I’ve realized sometimes Mr. Handy Man is waaaaaay better for the soul than Mr. Moneybags. Working in the Maint Dept, I see some really good guys who have ambition and hustle, sure they don’t make a lot of money but most of them leave here to do “side hustles” yard work, construction, HVAC, electrical work, whatever. And not all of them have families. I think all the time I jinxed myself by coming to this department, cause i have a personal policy about not dating people that i work directly with. Even if a guys makes less money, that gap could be filled in other ways. Household repairs, yard work, general household and car maintenance!
@ DAN “I’ve stated before here that I believe in at least 5 bank accounts (her/my play money, her/my savings, and the household(s) money).”
My daddy raised us the same way!
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
1:36 pm
this is one of those days that I hate we only see each other on the weekends…
Aww dammyt Tazzee Mae what a bummer
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:36 pm
SCool – usually Monday and Tuesday is real hard then by Wednesday I’m back to being able to fall asleep easier, then Thursday I’m enjoying my me-time, then Friday morning I wake up excited that I’m going to see him that evening. HOWEVER – I have been spoiled with the holidays and then last week we saw one another mid-week when we went to bible study. So this is the first time in a while I’ve gone over 2 days without seeing my boo.
Add in this weather today and I’m going through!
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
1:36 pm
And Tazzee seeing each other only once a week can really give you something to look forward to on the weekends. Except with Auntie decides to show up.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
1:38 pm
@ Ladies can you still be submissive even though you make more money than him?
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
1:38 pm
Prof – I got that from a friend that has a successfulloving marriage. He and she says they respect and love one enough to consult them on spendatures because it could affect their future.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:39 pm
Hello Kym.
Guy's guy
January 21st, 2010
1:39 pm
Tazzee, Spot on on the first page.
Kimmy, I think it varies greatly. Some of the happiest marriages I know the wife makes more and this is over more than one race. IMO I don’t care if she makes more or less. What is important to me is how she handles it and if she is loaded down with debt or not.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
1:39 pm
Submission has nothing to do with money, Mdot. It’s not the money, it’s the attitude you have with it.
Kym
January 21st, 2010
1:40 pm
Hey there Cee..I don’t get to play much anymore..new job duties..so its off to the races more days..I see you still on the sunny side of life chica!!!
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:40 pm
Kym Hey Lady! Where you been? You need to check in more often because that post was on point.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:41 pm
Now…when it comes to submission, it really ain’t about the money AT ALL. It is all about THE MAN.
Just thinking about submitting to TheDude (in more ways that one) stretches that “Congo” even tighter. Submission excites me.
Kym
January 21st, 2010
1:41 pm
Hey there Tazzee..I am around..making it do what it do..living life like its Golden!!!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:42 pm
“Ladies can you still be submissive even though you make more money than him?”
It is not the dollar bill. It is the person…Is she a team player when she breaking bread, or when she doesn’t have it?
submissive is a chracter trait.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
1:42 pm
Sassy I just knew it was you. I’m psychic like that. You know the secret code when you wanna get down…why you didn’t just say it? You know I got you. lol
Prof you better not be playing big bank take little bank with your grant money. You know you gotta pay those grad students. lol
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
1:43 pm
@Professor
Well thats cool. I dont want you to get your blood pressure up.
“Now we all should put up our assets and value or play big bank take little bank.”
You are forgetting this is a blog and you are putting up smoke screens. You dont have to brag about what you say you have. All we have is yours and everyones word on here. We dont know what thats worth if anything.
As a matter a fact, we never seen what anybody looks like, for all we know if could be full of Hardee eating chicken heads so we can just stop it here.
Lets start off small and everyone put thier pics up so we can see what’s what.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:44 pm
@ Kym – That sunside is always better. GREAT reading you!
Good to hear your latest endeavors.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:46 pm
M.Dot – um, well…actually, several of us know several others quite well off blog. No picture share necessary.
Oh, wait. You could ask Melo. He seems to end up with everyone’s pics. LOL!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
Thanks for the compliment, Fan.
CoolShadow
January 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
Tazee, Why is it 2010 with women being “equal” in every way, that women expect an engagement ring? A made-up “tradition” that suckers women in til this very day. It’s bunk.
This is just one of life’s double standards. In a relationship when the man makes substantially more than the woman, it’s usually not a problem, often congratulated in a lot of women’s circles. In the reverse situation, you have these stories about trifling, intimidated or fiscally uncomfortable men… and this blog topic.
Another double standard that sometimes used is women knowing that they’re fiscally equivalent or superior to the guy but still expect him to pay for everything because ‘that’s how they were raised’. That may be, women have made great strides economically in a relatively short time from a historical perspective and will occasionally encounter some men that can’t handle it. But to expect a man pay for everything in today’s society can be a real fiscal challenge, especially if your dates go beyond ice cream in the park.
Some women often use money as a metric in various ways to define the potential success of a relationship. Variables often used are the amount spent on dates, his tangible material possessions, carat size and cost of jewelry, etc. And unfortunately, it seems as if character has slid below the financial portfolio on the totem pole for dateability factors…
PRINCESSNIK
January 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
“Ladies can you still be submissive even though you make more money than him?”
Money is not what makes you submissive by far. A strong man will lead his family and be sure that it is well taken care of no matter what his income is. If my (one day, future
) hubby is doing all of that i have no problem submitting.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
SexyCool’s Three Words Daily
Stretched So Tight
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
@Professor
Hey I have a game we can play. Eat Your Lunch. Ever heard of it?
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
@kimmie
For reasons that I won’t go into – using Frank Ski in any example clouds and loses the point.
But again, it’s not the money that is the issue. It’s about the dude’s self -esteem, confidence, and control.
While not rehashing the “traditional” debate, a lot of guys can’t handle his woman being more successful because he feels as if he’s not fulfilling his ‘manly’ role. But in the end, if they are together (I mean married) then, what does it matter.
Heck, yeah, I’d marry Oprah in a minute if she’d have me.
Your (the nebulous you) success don’t diminish my shine. I can be proud of my woman and still be her protector, provider, etc.
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
DreamsM – actually, I was thinking Submission is exciting. – LOL – but you’re feeling me.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 21st, 2010
1:50 pm
@SexyCool
So are there some people who think they are real attractive but really are not? Be honest.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
1:50 pm
Mdot – yes. When we come together, it’s OUR money. He has the final say. While I’ve already been designated the CFO – I’m going to have to present the budget to him for approval and get his final approval on how we spend our funds. Even if I think $100 is too low for purchases to be discussed, if he says that’s what we’ll discuss – that’s what we’ll discuss because it goes both ways.
I already discuss my major purchases with him eventhough our funds aren’t commingled. I want his input and what he thinks because we’re building a future together. For instance – he’s turning his home into a rental property when we get married. If he thinks that using certain funds (currently mine) would be better served on doing some remodeling at the house – then we discuss it.
We discuss a lot of things concerning our individual funds and how they will affect our plans for the future.
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
1:51 pm
@ For Real … Her baphfroom LMAO!
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
1:52 pm
Dan – Different kimmY.
Melo
January 21st, 2010
1:53 pm
The weatherman fooled me last nite..coz my tv said some rain was coming in last nite,’round 1.00am so i poked her in the butt with my knee, woke her up and we had a really nice romp.
I have to master that energy again so we do encore tonite..there is a heavy down pour coming,i hear.
Summission,surrendering,swallowing,…now uall have me messd up!