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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

More Money, More Men?

One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women.  I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry.  My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.

Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition.  I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.

I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends.  Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”?  Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?

The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.”  I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.

In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman.  She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?

The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?”  Thoughts?

476 comments Add your comment

Lady J

January 21st, 2010
12:00 pm

Proff and Melo as always thanks for understanding!!!

Raqi and Cee just thanks for being sistah gals who don’t mind helping a sis!:)

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR

January 21st, 2010
12:01 pm

or just frying bacon to be frying it or just frying it to make sure the neighbors smell it.. Nah we are gonna fry our bacon judiciously to make sure our needs are met. In this business of marriage there is a Ceo and a COO or better yet shareholders and one shareholder shouldnt be able to make business decisions about the marital company without the other shareholder. I always say if you know where the money is thats one less conversation you have to have. It also provides checks and balances because I wont spend this money out of the househod pot cause I dont wanna hear his/her mouth about it.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
12:01 pm

Hey Proff!

That man in ur 11.38 let it slip a long time ago.
Hes just an ATM! :lol:

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
12:06 pm

I think it’s important to sit down with a potential mate and discuss how you feel about money management. A lot of times it’s not what you have but how you manage it. You can still accomplish a lot with a little if you manage it right.

Ask questions. How do you feel about saving? How will bills be divided? Who will be responsible for managing the money? What are you saving for – college for the kids, retirement, vacations, a rainy day? What should be included in your will? Do you have enough insurance? How do you feel about loaning/giving family & friends money(A BIGGIE)?

Some people think just finding out how much a person makes, their credit history & debt owed is enough. There is so much more and a lot of it does involve character, control & responsibility.

MusingLee

January 21st, 2010
12:07 pm

For anyone that hates their money, i’ve set up an account into which you may deposit it. Thank you!

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
12:09 pm

Kimmie – 1206p – ON POINT!

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
12:11 pm

I stand corrected with the Love of money is the root of all evil! Thanks!

Let’s face it – MONEY is BIG – and a big source of debate on this DATING blog!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR

January 21st, 2010
12:13 pm

Raqi – I know I created a monster but I always thought money would never come betwen us. I just knew when we got married her money was my money and my money was her money but that wasnt the case at all. I shouldve saw it when we were dating though because for her to part her purse to pay for something it took an act of congress but me having it didnt notice the selfishness in her. I just figured this is my Girl we in this and if I ever need her I know she got me but I swear her brother told me before we got married “I dont know why youre marrying my sister because she is very selfish” So Im guilty of taking her out of town/international travel, splurging on shopping sprees and New whips every year as my wife. I did that.. Because nothing was tooo good for my wife..

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
12:14 pm

In some ways, for me, it can be kinda simple. Let’s keep the money and the honey right. Cause if the money is funny and I ain’t getting sexed right regularly, I’m an unhappy chick.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
12:16 pm

Oh,late..NEWS FLASH!! NEWS FLASH!!

John Edwards just admitted to fathering a bay girl with one of his campaign staffer..His recently released message by his publicist,with Melo as editoril consultant:

“Elizabeth and I will do everything in our power to ensure that this baby is well taken care of”….. :lol:

end of statement.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
12:20 pm

@kimmie

Agreed. Money is a big part of a relationship. But how people view spending/saving it is one of those things that is revealed over time. Saying isht don’t make it true..

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
12:20 pm

John Edwards needs to go and sit down. With Tiger.

With all the problems Haiti & the world is facing now, it all seems so petty in comparison.

Melo

January 21st, 2010
12:25 pm

But how people view spending/saving it is one of those things that is revealed over time. Saying isht don’t make it true..

U right about that…!
And thats why on here,on the blog,females may say,”oh,i dont mind blah blah etc as long as my man can do a,b,c but” thing is in reality,when ish starts happening in the household,thats when u, as a man will get tested and reveal whether u up to the task of manhood and husband and if the woman u married is the real deal or is a one foot in,one foot out!
My Queen tested me and i opened the door for her to get out if she wished,figuratively,but she stayed and money wise and spendinf and whatnot, we been str8 since….

My father in law was ruled by my mom in law..its evident,even tho hes late..
Now,we zulus dont do that..

We lay the pipe and we lay the law! :lol:

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 21st, 2010
12:27 pm

kimmie your 12:06 – those are questions I get out the way early on in the relationship. Money management is more important to me than the amount of money. Because when we come together it’s ours and I can’t have someone that’s going to be messing up ours…

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
12:27 pm

Saying isht don’t make it true..

Dan, sigh, communication thru words can be a big start, don’t you think? I mean, yeah, actions speak louder than words. But telling your future spouse that saving for certain things is important to you or that you plan on sending your mama a check for $500 a month after she retires just might help the relationship, don’t you think? How much time do you feel is necessary to “observe” before you are convinced that the two of you are on the same page, money management-wise?

I mean, are you debating just to be debating?

Big Wally Bicks

January 21st, 2010
12:28 pm

“Professor” wrote:

“He wants to chill at home and you want to go somewhere and have a nice dinner in a nice spot and that $125 is his light bill money not play on the town money.”

Uh, highly-paid “professor,” you need a little schooling on basic punctuation. It should be:
“…and have a nice dinner in a nice spot, and that $125 is his light bill money, not play-on-the-town money.” Ever hear of commas and hyphens? What are you a professor of, African Studies?

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
12:31 pm

Melo that post was something many women in Atlanta can relate to. Often times, women have to size up the character of the go-getter millionaire (or hundred-thousandaire) and decided whether it’s worth it. A lot of times it’s not, even if the guy is not there yet but on the way to a well to do lifestyle.

For many women character trumps money in that situation b/c it’s risky to take a chance at love with a wealthy guy just to later find yourself replaced or living on the edge b/c of that (his) same motivation for “things”.

Even women who sign up to be a trophy wife know it comes with an expiration date and extra women on the side and a host of other things.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
12:34 pm

@Kimmie

No I’m not debating just to debate. I don’t like bad logic. When I agree with what you’re saying, I do so openly. But I also question the logic you’re using to make these conclusions.

As for how much time, I don’t know, it’s subjective. Could be a month and an event happens that raises questions. We could go Years and not know how each of us really feel about MM.

As for sending my mom a check, if my gal ain’t good with it coming out of our funds, then I’m in my savings for it. I’ve stated before here that I believe in at least 5 bank accounts (her/my play money, her/my savings, and the household(s) money).

For Real

January 21st, 2010
12:36 pm

what up blog fam! I see we talking about money again and I’m sure Professor has given her view about dating dudes with less money but that’s cool cause we all got standards and we should stick to them but as the good books says “The love of money is the root of all evil”

Quote: “Success is a relative thing but I hope your success is founded upon something stronger than money.”

Dudes date/marry chick all the time that make way less money than they do because they saw/see something that more important to them than money.

It’s simple if he/she has a problem with the amount of money you make consider yourself lucky that you found out and keep steppin.

All White Basketball League!!!! All I can say is wow!

Noah

January 21st, 2010
12:41 pm

Depends what is important to you. Many families are one income households and it doesn’t bother them.

Luvbug

January 21st, 2010
12:42 pm

“Elizabeth and I will do everything in our power to ensure that this baby is well taken care of”…..

The same Elizabeth who called the baby “it” on Oprah?! The same Elizabeth who said the issue of the baby would not have any bearing on her life…just her husband’s on Oprah?!

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
12:42 pm

ForReal – you know white men can’t jump. Guess they will be lowering the rims.

Noah

January 21st, 2010
12:42 pm

I think spending and attitudes towards money and how it is handled (saving, spending, investing) is just as important to a relationship as how much one makes.

Anotha Brotha

January 21st, 2010
12:43 pm

@ Prof “you have to be on my level to get “it” and I don’t always hang in Atlanta…I go to the airport and head out even if it is just for the day…my favorite spot to eat is not even in ATL…”

This kind of contempt and arrogance is why many women keep popping up on ABCNews/Essense specials everyother week. Guarantee that a man with his stuff together will never approach/pursue/bother with that mouth and you will see just how little power you really have. And your options will be relegated to broke beta males. Vicious cycle for many of you.

DreamsMaterialize

January 21st, 2010
12:45 pm

All White Basketball League!!!! All I can say is wow!
Whao the excitement of layups, set shots, and two hand bounce passes. Season tickets must be sold out!

kimmie

January 21st, 2010
12:45 pm

I don’t like bad logic. Neither do I, Dan. I question some of your logic too. But I don’t see communicating ones feelings about money management to a future mate to be bad logic, even if later it does not bode to be true. Don’t depend solely on what is said, but definitely you should be talking.

As for sending my mom a check, if my gal ain’t good with it coming out of our funds, then I’m in my savings for it.

The point is hopefully you would tell her beforehand you were sending the check and wanting to possibly take it out of joint funds. No surprises.

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
12:46 pm

All White Basketball League!!!! All I can say is wow!

Ditto on that b/c when I read it I was like :shock:

Side note: This weather got me feeling some kinda waaaaay ;)

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
12:48 pm

Sassy – You too?

Ooooolawdgeezus…thought it was just me over here. Cause I could really not be at work today and be someWHERE else doing something very specific. LOL!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
12:50 pm

@Kimmie

That’s [telling her beforehand] the assertion in “if my gal ain’t good with it”.

And feel free to critique my logic on any subject, there is always a chance that my logic is off (all decreasing chance, but a chance nonetheless).

For Real

January 21st, 2010
12:50 pm

Dan: i agree with Kimmie before I get into a relationship of any with a chick i always check three things first:

1. Her kitchen
2. Her baphfroom
3. How she handlings money

I can’t tell you how many women are driving around the A in luxury vehicle with their gas hand stuck on a 1/4 tank.

As for money management/success my Paw-Paw use to say “Iffin you don’t oh nobody den you got plenny money.”

Binford2K

January 21st, 2010
12:52 pm

Tazee, Why is it 2010 with women being “equal” in every way, that women expect an engagement ring? A made-up “tradition” that suckers women in til this very day. It’s bunk.

On topic: The most important thing regarding finance in a relationship is that you have similar philosophies. Even then, they’ll be some disagreements, but seeing eye-to-eye is something that isn’t easy to find.

I am frugal but make a decent living. I am an avid coupon clipper and always look for a good deal (ala Clark Howard). The girl I have been with for a while does well also but she sees things very close to the way I do.

If she didn’t, we’d be having a lot of problems.

For Real

January 21st, 2010
12:53 pm

“doing something very specific.” – If it involves peaches then count me in too! Oh and for the record the peaches ain’t that important unless you gon do it.

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
12:53 pm

I won’t rule peaches out. :)

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 21st, 2010
1:02 pm

Sexy girl I’ve been tempted to pick up my phone 2 or 3 times but I’m tryna be good but it’s not working….I feel a wild hair growin….

Almost sprayed my monitor when I read the Ooooolawdgeezus…too funny :)

Lady J

January 21st, 2010
1:04 pm

Hey Binford2K!!!!:)

DreamsMaterialize

January 21st, 2010
1:04 pm

girl I’ve been tempted to pick up my phone 2 or 3 times
Sassy
Was that you callin my work phone, breathing heavy, and then hanging up? Don’t be scrrrrrrrrrrrd. ;-)

SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!

January 21st, 2010
1:05 pm

I’m just setting mine up for later.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
1:06 pm

@ Raqi – Hostess cakes…? You go head then…my lil butt don’t need to see cake until next year 2011 holiday.

@ Kimmie – Yup, that includes the famous red velvet too. :)

…i feel a lil liberal, i think i’ll bring one in on Valentines for the work buddies.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 21st, 2010
1:06 pm

Why have I just rediscovered Ready for the World?

dude, I remember ‘couples skating’ to half this stuff, and slow dancing to the other.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
1:08 pm

And where is Dream_n ….she cooked our hot dogs yet?

Tazzee - still praying for Haiti

January 21st, 2010
1:16 pm

Binford2k First of all, I’m a very traditional woman – so while the engagement was not a requirement, I did expect one. No different from him proposing to me, him being the head of our household, me submitting to him, etc.

Second, I never proclaimed myself to be “equal” in every way. I don’t subscribe to that theory. I expect to get paid equal for equal work, but I’m not of the “I can do anything a man can do” thought.

Third, even if I didn’t expect a ring – my fiance’ is also very traditional and he expects me to wear it. He loves seeing it on my finger just as much as I do and if I forget to put it on – he reminds me. He wants everyone to know that I’m taken – that I’ll soon be his wife.

Can’t speak for other women – only me and mine.

Professor

January 21st, 2010
1:17 pm

…stepping back in.

@Sassy I agree she is spoiled and feel like she should not have to help out.
@DK and Dreams, how do you all feel about a set amount is put in an account each month for the bills and the each party spends the reminder of their check as s/he pleases (separate accounts).
@Tazzee…I am eating wings!
@kimmie I agree with you when I saw Edwards on GMA with that mess I was like :shock: who cares

MelKel

January 21st, 2010
1:17 pm

Ditto Leggs! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Cemeeli

January 21st, 2010
1:18 pm

PoppaG – Apparently i have alot to say to you…that lil punk acai and pomegranate juice is a metabolism booster too.

Yeen tell me that!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR

January 21st, 2010
1:19 pm

Sassy/Sessy – Dont worry it aint just ya’ll I could go for some schweaty bucky naked right about now..

Elijah

January 21st, 2010
1:20 pm

Good Afternoon Folks!

Hello Sassy!
Hola Professor

Money is always an interesting topic! A lot of good points being made to today. If dating money becomes an issue when a person is use to or like to do certain events when dating. When it comes to marriage and coupling up the money becomes OUR money not yours not mines if we cannot get that together before we get marriage their will not be a marriage.

Professor is correct if that is what she likes to do and that is what brings her happiness then a person making $35k cannot kick it with her!

M.dot….What kind of friend do you have that would not purchase/buy a bottle of water for the girl when she treated with the movie passes!
Man that is lame… That had nothing to do with what he owns!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR

January 21st, 2010
1:21 pm

Prof – Thats BS 1. cause its promoting division. 2. If it were my money it wouldnt be fair for me to do it that way, let her tell it..

Professor

January 21st, 2010
1:22 pm

@Anotha Brotha…everything is not for everybody, nor is everyone. You see the ladies looking for black men, but please duly note the black man is not the only man. I am good on dates and dudes I probably should do some cuts.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 21st, 2010
1:22 pm

I think everyone is putting value on the wrong things. Like Professor mentioned, love wont keep the lights on. But also if a woman makes $150K, that still is nothing in comparison to the value of the seeds that her man has.

@Professor, you said you were going to stick with your kind and you never mentioned what your kind was. Are you on the Forbes 400 List?

Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love

January 21st, 2010
1:23 pm

SexyCool and Sassy, yall meet me in the lower restroom after 5th period. Imma show yall the hicky that the captain of the debate team gave me at lunch. giggle You know that tall slender one…with the glasses. Yall he is soooo hot and a great kisser. I think I’m in love. swoon I’ve got to babysit tonight and he said he can come by when he gets off work. I think we are going to go all the way tonight. Wish me luck.