More Money, More Men?
One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women. I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry. My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.
Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition. I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.
I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends. Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”? Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?
The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.” I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.
In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?
The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?” Thoughts?
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476 comments Add your comment
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:14 am
SexyCool, I agree. The job title alone gives a pretty good indication of the salary range. Heck you can look it up online these days based on cities.
This is about like when I get tickled at women lying about their sizes and I know what size I wear.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
11:15 am
Tazzee: “His issue is when he doesn’t get $100+ of food and drink for that amount. In other words, he doesn’t like paying for atmosphere. If, for some reason, I wanted atmosphere – I paid.”
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
11:17 am
@Tazz
As long as he make you smile, he a good one.
Congrats again!!
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
11:18 am
Tazzee – Again Congratualtions, maam!
cute enough.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
11:18 am
Dan – I knew you would go there. Trying to get you to see where I’m coming from would give me a headache, so I’m not going to try. Not in the mood to read the dictionary or thesaurus today either.
The best way to try to convey it is to consider that money is one of the biggest causes of divorce. Money is at the root of a lot of things. I’ve seen it come between a lot of people that still dearly loved each other. But to say money does not matter in things is a bit naive. Or as Luvbug put it earlier, a case of false integrity.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
11:19 am
ARGH R.A.V.E.N – Remember Affect Verb, Effect Noun. I hate when I get those confused
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:19 am
Tazzee, I was just about to type that’s where financial planning before getting pregnant comes in, but I see you said all still would be good. So gon ‘head and pop one out…
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
11:20 am
Dan – You ack like you have a problem with me? did you igg me? lol…stay otta my head.
I was thinking Tazzee Mae got it going on with the “smiles”, as well.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
11:20 am
they all seem overpriced and/or lacking in quality and service, to me.
His issue is when he doesn’t get $100+ of food and drink for that amount. In other words, he doesn’t like paying for atmosphere.
I’m with these two statements alllllll day. I like to get my money’s worth, and good food is worth my money, not “ambiance”. lol
Tazzee You’re on point, and your dude is lucky to have you.
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
11:21 am
Raqi I rebuke you
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
11:22 am
Taz – I dropped a tear bout your post.. That was good to hear a woman valuing her dude because he is a man and not what his pockets say.
I tell you one thing. If society failed tomorrow and we didnt have money or things DK is good with his hands and will get out here and get it however it goes. Half these dudes chicks be pining over cant even change the oil in their own car let alone yours.
Melo
January 21st, 2010
11:24 am
There is a lot that you two could have in common. I don’t understand the nothing in common part. Please elaborate
Raqi,she elaborated enough.If the guy earns much more,say a mill$ and u a secretary at some corporate company,LadyJ feels hes attracted becoz of her outward appearances,nothing more and that she got nothing to offer to the relationship other than being his play toy!
I get that and a lot of females are in those roles actually,they wont admit it.They are in there for the comforts..in fact,this is the custom with most females,they want the men to provide…so in ur case Raqi,u dont mind but she does becoz the disparity is too huge.
Some females do not mind being toys becoz they think(illusion) the money/comforts are worth being in that position. Thats pityful,i wld say.
I wld find it hard dating or wifying a woman who earns much more than me..a little more is fine but 20k..30k more..hell no.And the reason is simple,most women who earn more than their men carry that on their shlders..everybody outside the marriage will get to know about it.
A little argument,she pouts about all the bills she pays at home..it will all be reduced to money at the end of the day..so that wldnt work for me.
I have seen it in my family and around me in society,diff pple so it wont be practical in my case.
It takes a really humble and luving woman and secure man to be in that situation.
Power is what defines a man and money is Power!
Ill keep these balls
Good morning…
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
11:25 am
If you say so, dude.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
11:25 am
Kimmie – You know what Money ruined my marriage not because we didnt have any just that we couldnt get on the same page with it. She felt like My money should take care of all the bills and her money should be filler money and I felt like it wasnt my our your money it was our money to build this dynasty with. Oh money matters indeed but in different ways.
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:26 am
If society failed tomorrow and we didnt have money
Infamous, all I have to say is these new Bounce floral drapes will look really good in our cardboard box.
I once told my husband I would live in cardboard box with him. He said for that statement alone he will do all he can to make sure we never have to.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
11:27 am
@Kimmie
In as simple a phrase (conditional morality would be more appropriate) as possible.
It doesn’t matter to be, because it never has. Whether I had cash or any of them did, one of my requirements is all in. You can’t be with the D and a be half stepping or conditional.
Until one (or both) of us mess up or decide this isn’t working, there is no break.
So I speak not from the hypothetical or theoretical, but from experience.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
11:28 am
“Half these dudes chicks be pining over cant even change the oil in their own car let alone yours.”
oops…
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
11:30 am
Cemeeli Hey Lady!!! Yup all smiles, with happy tears every now and then.
Infamous If society failed tomorrow, I don’t think I could ‘barter’ my accounting knowledge but my man (and I) would be rich.
Lady J
January 21st, 2010
11:30 am
well hot damn good morney it is a YUCKY feeling…./i wouldn’t have subsatnce to offer….I had this situation presented and kept it moving…I look @ it like it is not my money or house or car so I could care less….
Lady J
January 21st, 2010
11:33 am
daggit meant good morning…
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
11:34 am
Im gonna tell ya’ll something you might not have ever heard. One of my older patnas pulled my coat to it in my early 20’s.. He’s in his late 50’s one of my Uncles friends that took a liking to me. He told me this “Look Youngblood, It aint the cars, the clothes or the money its the Man and dont you ever forget that because when you do you have lost.”
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
11:35 am
@ Tazzee – Auh, i did not forget. Hope you got my text about what happened to the alerts.
ok, early lunch…i need to catch a machine before the crowd gets in there.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
11:36 am
kimmie I’m the first to admit that life isn’t fair. It’s one of the first facts of life you have to acknowledge before you can move ahead. Otherwise, you’ll be forever stuck on everything that’s not fair. I wasn’t arguing whether it was fair. It’s just hypocritical to apply a certain standard to someone when that same standard applied to you would usually rule you out. Men don’t care what you make if you’re The One, whereas for a woman what you make can discount you from being The One.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
11:37 am
@DK
That’s BEEN my point.
All these “if, then, but’s” don’t ever matter when the ‘ism’ hit her (or us for that matter).
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
11:37 am
DK – I agree…it is so THE MAN!
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
11:37 am
….It aint the cars, the clothes or the money its the Man and dont you ever forget that because when you do you have lost.”
True,true….
Professor
January 21st, 2010
11:38 am
@ Melo I agree with your 11:24 BTW Hey there!
@Lady J I got what you were saying and I understand what you are talking about.
at the end of the day it comes down to money more often than we think…love will not pay the light bill or soothe hunger…love will not cut it when the engine goes out…the reality of it is Cash is King and until you have a meeting of the minds…you are going to fuss like hell if the cash is not there blaming each other on who messed up what.
Quick story: I know a lady that works PT and spends all of her money on BS her husband makes about 80K a year and she was fussing because he asked her to pick up a small bill…she said he can pay for everything, but it leaves him with very little pocket change or walking around money. I was thinking if I only had to give up $150 a month of “MY money and everything else was covered I would be
but she was pissed with having to depart with the $150 a month out of her $1100 a month earnings.
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:38 am
Cemeeli, bring me back a pack of Hostess cupcakes. I’ve been craving some of those things for a week now.
LoveLife411
January 21st, 2010
11:41 am
She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match.
THIS IS SAD. I’ve had it told to me by a man that this equates to expectations by the woman being lower/easier to manage. Again.. WOW!
Lady J
January 21st, 2010
11:42 am
but some folk will let those matrial things along with their income carry them and you can tell when you meet them…when I mingle in SW Atlanta I promise I get this feeling in the brief convos and trust me I know behind the pretty pictures people are struggeling but the fact remains I don’t make or have the solid credit for their items they have and feel we have nothing in common….
I do have this fairy tale dream that someone would come along and sweep me up ALL of me and be even willing to get me to their level but it is just that a dream…it is on me to make that happen and whomever the extra rich, rich, blue collar, white collar will accept me just for me…but being in Atlanta I see the whole spectrum of finance and it is interesting…
Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)
January 21st, 2010
11:42 am
Professor your friends sounds selfish/spoiled and like she may be suffering from the “Entitlement Syndrome” that seems to affect some women in situations like that.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
11:42 am
Oh money matters indeed but in different ways.
DK – Exactly the point I tried but failed to make! Our topic is about men getting with women that earn more, but there are so many other factors that can involve money in a relationship, they are almost too many to list! So to say it does not matter or will not rear its head at SOME point even in the best relationships is naive, I think. One example – I know of a man that has millions, but he is such a miser he made his family miserable and lost them. He has enough to probably never have to work again, but he never wanted to take a trip or do anything enjoyable.
it will all be reduced to money at the end of the day..so that wldnt work for me.
Melo – It would be hard for me to live with this too.
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:44 am
Damn, I love being married a po man. LOL
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
11:45 am
And I say that because how many times have you seen a dude somewhere looking like he just got done building the great wall of China but his prescence raidated thru the dirt and grime on his clothes. You thought to yourself its something about him.
Or the guy standing in the spot alone not bothering anyone but you cant take you eyes off him because something is different. No car is present, he’s not flashing cash but just standing there.
See people have bought into the what I got mentality and have forgotten the love part. Love has become a business instead of an affair fo the heart.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
11:45 am
She felt like My money should take care of all the bills and her money should be filler money
I know this scenario all too well. They start to take for granted the fact that you bustin’ your a#% everyday to make it happen. They have no concept of the work it really takes for you to keep things operational on a daily basis.
Lady J
January 21st, 2010
11:47 am
Love has become a business and I here it from more wives that their marriage is just that a business and those saying it the man has a solid girfriend on the side…I see it everyday…
Raqi
January 21st, 2010
11:47 am
kimmie, that’s why I believe a person’s character trumps all. If they have it yet will not spend it or if they don’t have it and spend to much, it’s their character at play that ruins the relationship.
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
11:47 am
Morn’in All,
If a woman isn’t where I am mentally, then we can’t talk at all. I’m not saying she has to have what I have or even more. But if she isn’t working positivly towards the same goals and aspirations that I have, I keep kickin rocks.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
11:48 am
@kimmie
“He has enough to probably never have to work again, but he never wanted to take a trip or do anything enjoyable.”
Enjoyable to who? His family? If he didn’t send them on trips they wanted to go or whatever, that NOT about money – that’s control.
If he just didn’t wanna go with them on trips they went on, that’s not about money – that’s a difference in ‘fun’.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
11:49 am
I love being married a po man. LOL
Raqi – At the end of the day, love is what counts.
I think the title of this blog should be Mo Money, Mo Problems. But I guess that would be another topic.LOL!
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
11:50 am
Prof
Your 11:38 story is exactly what DK are talking about. That ish is the worst to a dude.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
11:52 am
Prof – Therein lies the problem.. Its not her money anymore when they are married or it shouldnt be.. I guess Im old school and will have to find a babe that thinks like I do. I’ll bring the bacon home and let her fry it up in the pan but best believe Im gonna make sure we aint frying too much bacon.
Lady J
January 21st, 2010
11:52 am
Hey MusingLee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
11:54 am
You know Infamous, this is a sad world we live in today. Just said.
Let me see what’s in my lunch bag…
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
11:56 am
Infamous, all those type of instances are character issues. Either folks know the person is like that when they get married and hope they will change. Or they create that monster and then cry a river when they can no longer control it.
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
11:56 am
Dan, sigh, in the examples I’ve given, MONEY is INVOLVED! I’m not saying lack of character, control, judgement, whatever, is NOT involved! Dang!
Have you ever heard the saying money is the root of all evil?
And do you really think just a “difference in fun” would cause a man’s wife & kids to leave his behind?
MusingLee
January 21st, 2010
11:57 am
@ Lady J….What’s Hap’nin
SexyCool - I feel too damn good, see...ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
January 21st, 2010
11:59 am
Actually, Kimmie – THE LOVE of money is the root of all evil.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
11:59 am
kimmie, it’s the LOVE of money that is the root of all evil. Some people can have it and not lose their mind over it.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 21st, 2010
12:00 pm
@Kimmie
In the examples you’ve provided, money is involved, but (from your statements only), that is the reason for dissention.
Money is the symptom, not the disease, in all things.
And the quote is “the love of money is the root of all evil” 1 Timothy Chapter 6 verse 10