More Money, More Men?
One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women. I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry. My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.
Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition. I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.
I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends. Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not “successful”? Generally, does it seem to matter more that she is a good homemaker and motherly?
The article states, “While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.” I suppose that should be encouraging from me, the master degreed gal, but I have to admit, I haven’t noticed any advantage.
In fact, a friend of mine has a theory that men who were raised by single mothers who struggled, are more drawn to the same type of woman. She believes that a guy would probably find a less educated, seemingly less sophisticated woman as an ideal match because she would offer more in terms of traditional marriage. What do you think of my friend’s theory?
The article ended with an interesting comment that one of the women heard from a male friend: “You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?” Thoughts?
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476 comments Add your comment
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 21st, 2010
4:22 pm
I just have one question before my Knight in Shining
AudiArmour gets here.When did folks get too busy to live? When did that start happening?
Can’t stick around for the answer but just one of the things that make you go “hmmmmm”.
Good night all.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
4:24 pm
@WillieD ~ I know you well enuf to punch you in the throat! J/K
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR COMMON DENOMINATOR
January 21st, 2010
4:25 pm
Mo – You can get knocked up Too.. I loves the kids.. And I am an excellent Father and potential Mate..
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
4:27 pm
Ladies – We say enuff Dumb ish that yall bash us everyday anyway. Now we get one lil crack in the door and call bullisht on the play yall wanna band together and put ya cape on and save the day
jus saying
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:28 pm
Well Infamous ’round here knockin’ errybody up…Mo and SexyCool needed watch their backs.
You want some more mini mes?
Tazzee - still praying for Haiti
January 21st, 2010
4:29 pm
WillieD – and folks try to say that women can’t get along, that we don’t stick together…
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
4:30 pm
Leggs – yeah you know me,just playing with ya. You remember what happened last time I gave a chick a compliment.
Cemeeli
January 21st, 2010
4:31 pm
WillieD Caint’ get my cape cause somebody don’ stepped on it.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
4:41 pm
@WilliD ~ I know you’re playing w/me, and yes I remember.
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
4:46 pm
What’s intimidating about a MBA? Why would that cause someone to lose interest? I don’t care if you have a MBA, Ph.D., JD, MD, DDS, whatever. I’m not impressed, I have my own credentials. Are you a quality person, open to new experiences, able to appreciate differing opinions and perspectives…
While it’s good that you have “credentials”, show up with something real. Then I’ll be impressed.
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
4:48 pm
@ Mdot “As far as them losing interest, it may be your vibe that is off a little bit. You may inadvertently sabotage a potential relationship. Maybe there is added pressure that you put on yourself.”
maybe you are right, during the time that i was pursuing my MBA I intentionally took myself off of the market so that I could focus on that and my family (b/c my dad was dying of cancer). I had a goal to finish before my daughter began Pre-K and I knew it would take a VERY understanding man to play a role in that.
Willie Dynamite
January 21st, 2010
4:49 pm
Tazz – Yall stick together and still dont always get along;-)
lurker
January 21st, 2010
4:50 pm
Yall stick together and still dont always get along;-)
Amen there brotha
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
4:51 pm
Truth How’s it going man? Good to read you.
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
4:52 pm
@ DreamsM, I am a quality person at least in my own humble opinion, Trust me I don’t think more of myself because of my MBA that was a goal for me and i’m proud that i met the goal.
What’s your idea of “real” cause everybody has their own
kimmie
January 21st, 2010
4:56 pm
Dreams – I agree you need more than “credentials” to sustain a relationship. But while an MBA does not intimidate you, to the dude that dropped out of high school and is not feeling so good about himself, it might.
I had already been seeing this guy for a few months when I started working on my MBA years ago. I was dirt poor, trying to pay for school and work. He was an assistant producer at CNN and working up to an anchor position. Yet, he was always whining that one day I would make more money than him. Intimidated by my POTENTIAL, which I thought was crazy! Plus, especially if he got the anchor position, I KNOW he’d be making well more than me. No need for either one of us to be intimidated, if you ask me, but hey whatever. I liked him for him, but he did not see it that way.
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
5:00 pm
@ KIMMIE “I liked him for him, but he did not see it that way.”
yes lawd! my sentiments exactly!!!!!!! My Daddy dropped out of school in 8th grade and went back to get his GED when i was in about the 4th grade and i was a DADDY’S GIRL til the very end, so its not all about credentials. I don’t flaunt mine but I’m not going to minimize them either. cause MS. NIK worked real hard to earn them.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
5:00 pm
That’s rich….intimated by one’s POTENTIAl. I’ve heard it all!
Nite!
No clapping today, but I am finger popping!
DreamsMaterialize
January 21st, 2010
5:02 pm
princess I wasn’t directing my post at you in particular. I don’t know your character. Sorry if it came off that way. Congrats on meeting your goal. My point is that I don’t understand why a guy would lose interest in someone for achieving a goal. Real is something of substance like character, ability to have meaningful discussions on a variety of topics, a sense of humor, ambition, adventurous, etc. I don’t doubt that you’re a quality person, but a date is a chance for both parties to demonstrate some of those qualities. If a guy is “losing interest”, then either 1) you’re not efficienty demonstrating those qualities, 2) he’s not catching on, or 3) he’s just interested in a different set of qualities. You have full control over 1). Nothing you can do about 2) and 3), nor should you try.
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
5:08 pm
it’s so interesting to sit with my brother and our mutual friends (all guys) and listen to them launch in to this list of what they want in a woman and then to meet the women they date who are nothing like the woman they wanted. I’m always like WTH!
I understand that not every man is intimidated, and i also understand not every man is interested in what I may have to offer, but i sure would like to meet some of those who like me for me
The last guy i was dating literally freaked when i told him i was buying a house, i think in his “small” mind me buying a house was saying WE need to get more serious and settle down. When all i was really saying was I’m tired of living in an apartment and sharing walls.
Leggs
January 21st, 2010
5:15 pm
“…to meet the women they date who are nothing like the woman they wanted. I’m always like WTH!”
Did they all have nice bodies that swayed them from their original lists? The visual will make folk alter many plans!
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
5:19 pm
@leggs, LOL literally, yes some of them did but some of them just had me dumbstruck like ……really……really…..are you serious and then they say I just don’t like anybody they date to which i respond ” have i led you astray yet?”
princessnik
January 21st, 2010
5:22 pm
i’m out, gotta take princess2 to school night at stevie b’s
Cutesy Pie
January 21st, 2010
5:45 pm
I think all of this analysis is relatively irrelevant. All of these studies on social trends about dating and marriage only serve to make single people crazy! I don’t know why so many men seem so “intimidated” by everything related to women. If they have to support a woman who is less educated then them and earn less money (or no money), they are intimidated by the prospect. If they are involved with a woman who makes the same or more than they do, they are intimidated. Man up, men! My dad is so much more of a man than these wimps. And he had to support his wife and kids. He doesn’t grumble about picking up a check for a lady. He is happy to do it! And he is proud when the women in his life accomplish something or get a great job or payout. Men today are total babies. When I hear them complain about not being able to find a woman who suits their lengthy list of needs, I want to say to them, “Why don’t you worry about being a better man first?”
Leggs
January 22nd, 2010
8:08 am
Good morning. I had to come through the window this morning. Back door seems to be barricaded.
Raqi...Married to the Po Man...Living rich on love
January 22nd, 2010
8:22 am
LOL Leggs, I thought I heard somebody scurrying around over there. I have been here since 6:30. And don’t tell anyone but I have “blue” labia.