Met The One, Now What?

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
8:21 am

taking notes!!!!:) Happy Hump Day!

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
8:51 am

When you meet someone who you feel that you could have a future with, what should you do to let them know? As more and more time is spent with one another, and seems like the both of us on the same page, I would simply let him know and hopefully he feels the same way. If he doesn’t, poof, no future with him.

Yes, I’m ready to do the work if he too is ready to do the work!

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
8:53 am

Morning,

I think the main thing that can be done “preparing for ‘the One’” is to prepare/repair yourself.

Likely, by the time any of us is ready we’ve gone through any number of failed relationships. The damage and baggage associated with those attempts must be reconciled before beginning anew.

Questions like “what could I have done better?”, “what did I do to cause the failure?”, “how can I work on myself to prevent [it] from happening again?”

Honest self-assessment and diligence in working on oneself is the best preparation for a great relationship, IMO. Without it, we repeat the same behaviors, causing the same outcomes.

@WD – “don’t screw it up?” Really? You shouldn’t think like that.

Don’t try and avoid failure, plan for success (in all things).

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
8:58 am

We are human Dan, we make mistakes some are hard to deal with both male and female, and our past help defines our future at what point can we make it stick seriously and let go and let it work for the both of us for a successful healthy an dloving partnership???

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
8:59 am

Morning
In the goooood times and baaaaad times, she will always…(in my Johnny Gill voice) BE RIGHT THERE FOR ME…woohooo
Suuuunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me baby, cannn you stand the rain

Ok, so everything we do (or don’t do) while we’re single prepares us for a relationship. Everything begins with self. Be what it is you are expecting from someone else. Relationships are hard work, and if you’re not ready to put in work and lay it all on the line then don’t get in one. Nothing worse than being in a relationship where your efforts aren’t being matched. Come with ya game face on or don’t show up.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
9:09 am

@Lady J

Unless you’re someone that is constantly going from one relationship to the next, the down time (the alone time) between those relationships is the time to work on self.

I believe that it’s not fair to ask someone else to help or wait while I work on me. That process should be near completion by the time I begin anew with another person. And vice versa.

After a certain age, responsibilities and how we handle them are as much a function of self as anything else. And if I accept responsibilty for my failures, and the responsibility for correcting them, then I should handle them. Not expect my partner to bear the load of the evolving me and themselves.

Not to say that there won’t be work to be done, there will; it’s just that by the time the new relationahip starts, that process should be winding down. I should only expect them to help round the edges [of who I am to become], not create the form (that’s my responsibility).

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
9:11 am

When you meet someone that you think could be your life’s mate, letting he/she know that you are open to the experience is the most important step. A lot of times folks give a lot of lip service but their heart is not open to the challenges and successes that love has to offer. Being in a married state of mind starts before the alter. Accepting someone for who they are wholly, not just all the peachy stuff also shows that you are about the long haul. I don’t believe in being mistreated or being dragged thru the mud. Putting time and effort into something that you want however is necessary. The gardens tended to w/the most love and attention produce the most beautiful flowers.:)

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
9:11 am

my morning bbm test was it takes 2 to make a thing go right, it takes 2 to make it out of sight…Of course back in the day I didn’t have clue about the lyrics but I heard this song back in aug coming back from my trip and the words set in on a sistah…it played again this morning so with my hump day message I attached it and it is so true about hard work and DreamsM that match has to be ther for both putting it in for the good of the two through it all!!!! What’s for me will be and even when it comes I will forever work on self for a better me and companion for my mate and family…It is what it is! Life!:)

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
9:12 am

meant text not test…and Dan you are right with that assessment! Thanks!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 20th, 2010
9:15 am

Morning All!

Kinderbabe – I love your post and definitely agree. Often times people want all the good and none of the bad but every relationship (EVERY relationship) has those bad moments. Why would your relationship with an SO be different just cause you love them oh so much?

So how is err’body?

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
9:20 am

yep Mo and KB we can’t run from adversity and so many failed marriages could have sustain through patience and working through it facing it head on and dealing with it processing it and making it work and moving on gracefully….I know it can work there are many successful marriages and relationships and I am claiming mine!:)

Chink

January 20th, 2010
9:41 am

I wish there was a recipe for making it work. But the word that comes to mind is “compromise”. I admit I am a spoiled brat…I like things my way. Have I met the one?? Good question sometimes I feel like I can’t live without him and sometimes I am like maybe he isn’t it..I don’t know. Another word is Risk …sometimes you have to just let the chips fall where they must and risk a broken heart.

I don’t like talking about the future the most I will talk about is a couple of months from now.. I let him lead the way with that stuff. I wish I was better about that but I guess I have been through too many relationships…I take the safe road I have too much to lose “my heart is way to precious”.

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
9:47 am

@Mo–thanks, lady.:) happily ever after comes w/a LOT of work…lol. i am doing well today. it’s hump day! can’t wait to leave work and start the 2nd part of the day.
@Lady J–you are right. sometimes we can be quick to run from adversity. it all boils down to if it’s worth it or not to you. sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. you know?

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
9:54 am

Do you think there are things we can do while we are single to prepare us for a relationship? What about marriage?

IMO, being a good, well meaning, responsible, motivated, (insert additional) person is healthy for the spirit and body, but not a prerequisite for a marriage or long term relationship. There are countless examples of raggedy, underdeveloped people in happy long term relationships.

how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?

No one person has that ability. Two people have to decide to be together no matter how great, committed or hardworking one partner is.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
9:58 am

KB wisdom and growth we will know and it us up to us to act accordingly..

Chink good most….respect your perspective!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
9:59 am

meant good post….I am doing to much and happy doing it!!! LOL

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
10:04 am

GM All!

Good topic and Great posts this morning. Communication is key and, yes, use your single time to get yourself right. My greatest challenge at the moment: I’ve enjoyed my unattached years and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the realization that I may soon be a Mrs. once again. That’s a good problem to have though

Professor

January 20th, 2010
10:06 am

Hola!

Kinderbabe you are correct the commitment starts before the alter. I look at it like this, would you marry a wo/man that say s/he will break off with their other mate once you two get married? Therefore the commitment is already in place and the vows only further that commitment depending on your beliefs.

Robert Fulgum wrote about a couple that could not find anyone to sign off on their marriage licenses due to their beliefs. The couple believed that they were already married, but the last step of the commitment included going out into nature and allowing their souls to connect. Once this was done (there was not time limit) they would be married. Well Robert waited in the woods with other family and friends as the two wandered off and when they returned he signed the marriage licenses for them, so that the state would approve the marriage.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
10:07 am

Hey czBrat!

Now that is one challenge I am happy you are having!

Willie Dynamite

January 20th, 2010
10:13 am

Morning All,

Great Topic that requires a level of self-honesty that most aren’t willing to commit to. Congratulations if you have made it to figuring out if the one in front of you is indeed the ONE. Now the hard part.
Compromise – Whats that? We are used to having things our way.
Adversity – Whats that? Love doesn’t have ups and downs its spose to be happily ever after right.
Risk – Whats that? I aint signing up for a broken heart AGAIN.

All of that is Human Nature. If/when you have a failed relationship its just that much harder to be accepting of anything less than perfect the next time around.
I don’t normally give advice but I can honestly say that for me Marriage is the single hardest thing I have EVER done in my life. I signed up for the Compromise,Adversity and the Risk. If you are not willing to put the Work in then it wouldn’t matter if you have found The One.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 20th, 2010
10:21 am

Willie D – “I don’t normally give advice but I can honestly say that for me Marriage is the single hardest thing I have EVER done in my life.” I had to post that again because even though I am divorced I TOTALLY agree! You have to be willing to work and know that its an on-going journey!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
10:27 am

All of that is Human Nature. If/when you have a failed relationship its just that much harder to be accepting of anything less than perfect the next time around.
I don’t normally give advice but I can honestly say that for me Marriage is the single hardest thing I have EVER done in my life. I signed up for the Compromise,Adversity and the Risk. If you are not willing to put the Work in then it wouldn’t matter if you have found The One.

@Willie Dynamite PRICELESS BROTHA!!!!!!!! AWESOME POST!!!!

Honest is the key!!!!

“I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure don’t deserve me at my best” Marilyn Monroe

I am not perfect and neaither are others so why not find a common ground to make it worth to find a perferct us through our imperfections!!!! One day!:O)

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
10:28 am

“…raggedy, underdeveloped people” Nice phrasing.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
10:34 am

Head nod. Too much to think about AND actually do some work right now. I’ll be Bach.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
10:34 am

@Lady J

Be careful quoting (or in admiration of MM) she sabotaged every relationship she had (including the one’s she wanted) lamented their loss and her unhappiness to the point of suicide.

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
10:37 am

@Professor–i like that story! it is along the lines of what i too believe. being in the frame of mind for something BEFORE it happens is so key in how you handle it. just think of all the people who cheat up to the DAY of their so called marriage…what makes them think that standing in the church is going to change their actions? saying the vows is not a magic pill that cures all ill-behaviors and inconsiderate notions. it’s simply a confirmation of what has already been done.

Chink

January 20th, 2010
10:38 am

Good for you Willie! But that sure is scary!

Hey I am getting there slllooowwwlly but suuuurrrelly.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
10:41 am

I have to say though, WillieD – compromise, adversity, risk – all seem to be at play with me and TheDude right now.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
10:43 am

Morning.

Its all about our actions in how we let someone know. I also think that when you really like someone there are 2 things that we need to do:

1. Learn from it dont be burned from it. Alot of us (including myself) inadvertently sabotage relationships because of how sour things went with someone in the past so we feel that this will happen again so we are afraid to leap). We need to leave the past where it is and move forward and make sure that experience does not equal baggage.

2. When we meet someone we like, be sure to throw all the dating games, chess, mind games, etc out the window and just take a chance.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
10:46 am

ok Dan duly noted but for me that particular one speak volumes I am a dynamic person but I get your drift and thanks for looking out bruh!

abc

January 20th, 2010
10:56 am

If you met the person you think is meant for you, and they don’t feel the same way, then you’ll not be able to ‘do the work’ or somehow enhance or change yourself so that they change their feelings. You can change the way you think, but you can’t really change the way you feel. Feelings have to just happen.

That’s not to say that people shouldn’t pursue self-improvement and growth. It is to say that you should do it for yourself, not to try to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex in general, or an individual in particular.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
10:57 am

@M. ~ if your #2 would happen, I believe there would be more sustainable relationships developing.

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
10:58 am

thanx Professor. and i agree with kinderbabe on that story. that’s a good approach. the s/o and i have recently discussed entering into a covenant before a civil ceremony.

you should do it for yourself, not to try to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex in general, or an individual in particular. Amen!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
11:00 am

Shoot I’m not handling anyone at their worst. If in our relationship, you’ve degenerated to the worst person you can be, then our relationship is not working. Or if I find myself operating at my lowest levels, then you need to cut your losses and roll.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:01 am

@Lady J I love the quote by MM IMO, regardless of who we are including flaws IMO again we have someone(s) out there that are willing to love us or someone(s) we are willing to give our love to…so I can see the value in that quote.

@Dan your statement on MM was a fallacy

@Kinderbabe…I thought it was a cool story too, and it is funny how we all view love and vows so differently

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:05 am

DreamsM, would you leave your wife/SO if they had a mental illness or became unstable and was at their worst?

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
11:08 am

@Dreams

Right. True.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:09 am

Thanks Professor for understanding me!:)

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:11 am

@Professor that is a good point and question….

I feel at your worse is just getting a grip on things and having a moment or two with dealing with conflict…we are not perfect beings with handling conflict and we have to stick it out in the valley seriously that’s my aim

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:12 am

yall I am going back to get my MA in Community Counseling and will aspire to be a Mental Health Counselor and with mental illness for women the onset is later in life vs most men are in the mid teens to 20s….a deep fact!:) I am excited!!!!:)

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:14 am

@M dot and Leggs I agree relationships would grow between two honest people if we all could throw #2 out the window. It is so difficult to bare it all when you have the con(wo/man) or gigalo running around looking for free room & board or $$$.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
11:14 am

Prof
Mental illness doesn’t represent a person’s “worst”. A person’s “worst” is represented by a their choice to allow that malicious part of their soul to dominate their personality and behaviors. Someone who loves you, won’t continually make that choice.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:15 am

Lady J that is excellent news!!! I am sooo happy for you! You have every right to be excited and proud of yourself!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:16 am

ok a worse for me is I already talk loud and during conflict I yell and scream…yeah something I have gotten better at bc you can’t listen yapping that mouth but it is a characteristic of me….but some can’t deal with it my point is if that is one of my mates simple flaw he has to deal with among the other great characteristic then deal and don’t run away from my bark bc I’m trul scared and afraid on the other side….ok that’s self honesty folks!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:17 am

Thanks Professor!!!

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:19 am

DreamsM,

We can dance around words and do the lexical tango all morning long, but common sense will tell a fool that a person with mental illness are not at their best, nor are they making their best decisions. The flip side of that is they are at their worst and their relationships i.e family, work and romantic relationships are going to suffer.

Hurt people hurt people and a lot of that hurt comes from mental illness

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:24 am

Preach Professor! That is serious and deep and NO not everyone is walking around mentally ill however the undiagnosed and not treated ones will make any relationship a living hell! Real talk!

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
11:24 am

Hurt people hurt people and a lot of that hurt comes from mental illness Most definitely…a wounded soul and heart destroys the mind!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:27 am

a wounded soul and heart destroys the mind!
and the mind is a powerful tool that is so complex…..

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
11:28 am

@LadyJ–congrats!! that’s super.:) is it a 2 year program?

at the end of the day, it seems that a lot of what screws up a relationship is when a person chooses to give ONLY what they’ve been given (good or bad). b/c when you think about it, if you’ve been treated poorly, you would want to treat someone better than you were treated AND if you’ve been treated wonderfully, you’d want to share that with others too and and go above and beyond what you’ve experienced. Give more than you’ve gotten. We have selective memory and forget most of what we’ve been given when it’s good…lol. So taking a chance and spreading some goodness around really won’t hurt. i’m not talking about being a doormat. i’m talking about not being afraid to love.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:32 am

two year progam and a year clinical so 3 years….and I’m excited thanks KB!

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
11:33 am

“a lot of what screws up a relationship is when a person chooses to give ONLY what they’ve been given.”

Here, here, kinderbabe.

It is my opinion that, when I am in my best place, it is my responsibility to give 100% to my relationship regardless of what my partner is doing. Because in the end, I am only responsible and accountable for me.

However, I am honest enough with myself to realize that I do not dwell in my best place at all times and sometimes, I behave in a reactive, hurt, self-protective manner by withdrawing into myself when I’m not getting what I need from my relationship. And that’s not healthy, but it is human.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
11:33 am

Congratulations LadyJ…keep moving forward!

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
11:37 am

The Advocate Magazine ranks Atlanta as America’s Gayest City.

Can’t say I’m surprised about that.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:37 am

Kinderbabe I totally agree with you on that 11:28.

There was a lady from Ellenwood, GA featured a few years back and she had this small business where she wrote love letters and poems for couples and did picnic baskets for them…just all types of super romantic things…you tell her about your relationship and she came up with the romance…long story short she started all of this because her husband was not romantic and she wanted to treat him the way she wanted to be treated…he became more romantic and she started making money when friends started asking her can you help me with this or can you do that.

I have tried this in my own relationships…just simple things like a quick note saying I had a great time and really appreciated dinner…a little goes a long ways.

yes I am a nerd always reading

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:38 am

thanks auntie leggs!

PRINCESSNIK

January 20th, 2010
11:39 am

Hey All,

This reminds me of a topic my pastor preached on a few years ago and it stuck with me. The basis for the sermon was the text “when a man findeth a wife he findeth a good thing”, he talked about how the woman would already be carrying herself the way that the wife would carry herself: for example making sure her household was taken care of and in proper order.

I agree with those of you who say the mind of marriage begins before the marriage. Too many people want what looks good, but ends up leaving a nasty taste in their mouth. Stop thinking that YOU can change people because YOU cannot. A person may want to change because of you or you may encourage them to be a better person but in the end they change because THEY want to. Being sure of who you are and what you need will definately help the process.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
11:40 am

Prof
It’s not a dance around words. Any good argument rests on proper definitions of the premises. If we don’t agree on the definitions, then we can’t debate the topic. At least the debate wouldn’t have any real merit. My point was that a person with a mental illness doesn’t have a choice in the matter. An otherwise “normal” person does. If this “normal” person chooses to act and make decisions as a mentally ill person would, then I’m not dealing with that. If you have choice and the ability/capability to exercise that choice, then I’m not accepting you choosing to be your worst.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
11:42 am

@Prof

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_monroe

2. Mental illness (whether diagnosed or not) is not what Willie D was speaking to. He was talking about an instance where all things being normal a person chooses to act an azz.

3. I agree with you and Lady J that there are a number of undiagnosed and untreated people walking around this city. And steering clear of them is one of my main goals.

@Lady J

Congrats on your achievement, and continued success.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:43 am

SexyCool your 11:33 is fire! That is my point honey!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:44 am

Thanks so much Dan!

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
11:45 am

Lady J on the real …. i have seen myself on meds and off, and i like myself on meds much better my 17-year-old son is now suffering onset mental illness and it’s a difficult thing to witness. bless you and your efforts and the lives you will touch!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:46 am

and dan that is my point I know I can act ass and those acts are not gone forever just chosen better but they are there we can’t run from ugly behavior….let’s not break up to make up just keep it going through it all

For Real

January 20th, 2010
11:47 am

What up Blog Fam.

On topic:

How do you know for sure that you are? – You lose your selfish tendencies and he/she has satisfied all of your due diligence.

If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work. – First lose the “if”. You should know what type of person you want. Do not just “go for it” and hope for the best. As stated above, do your due diligence, lose the selfishness and please don’t hold your body and time out as if it’s the greatest thing in that person’s life because it ain’t. Chances are you are not their first, second, third… you get the point.

how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last? – Truth has stated this before, prepare yourself live as one with another person. Get your finances, house, other lovers, family, friends, priorities (nothing but God should come before this person) and most importantly yourself (i.e. dump your baggage) in shape to receive another person. Then you should be ready to work harder than you ever worked in your whole entire life.

When you meet someone who you feel that you could have a future with, what should you do to let them know? – First close your mouth, second close it again and then let your actions do ALL of the talking.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
11:47 am

Lady J congrats. are you going to use us (the blog) as guinea pigs for your projects and theses? lol

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
11:51 am

@Lady J

Oh we all can be a bother sometimes, intentionally and unintentionally. But the thing is, when you’re with that right person, the desire/need to do that should wane.

The need should wane because the person knows/cares enough to know what triggers you;

and the desire should wane because you care enough about the other person to “put in the warnings” before going completely off the hinges.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:52 am

czBrat a personal story on the onset of my failed marriage I thought I need Zoloft for my depression…the placiebo affect was terrible bc it wasn’t working for me bc @ the end of the day i didn’t need it and wasn’t treating the real problem….Now my brother and his psychosis has to be treated with meds and therapy or someone will get hurt…I had to get a grip on life and deal with the bed I made and learn LJ more and stop being FAKE…When I tell ya to this day I was so happy I didn’t get caught up with I am sick and playing that role and identifing with self truth its a testimony I refuse to not share….We can’t run from our problems is is the point I a making…yes mental illness is real and yes some depression needs major treatment but we have to 1st find out what we are truly treating and only the man in the mirror knows that….so Happy with me know….

czBrat thanks for your enouragement and always be there for your son and most importanly yourself bc the caregiver has to be together to give care! That will be part of my mission to support the care giver we as a society often ignore!!!!:)

Professor

January 20th, 2010
11:54 am

@DreamsM you are correct in your post. At this point how do you determine if a normal person is “acting” mentally ill? Do you request previous medical records?

@Dan we all know normal people have bad days. So do you leave because of a few bad days? If not, what do you call long-term problems expecting different results…insanity. As for the MM wikipedia link we both that is not a reliable source.

IDK..part 2

January 20th, 2010
11:56 am

GM,

I am ready to meet my soulmate, the One! I deeply believe in GOD so much and know whomever that person is will be just ‘perfect’ for me. I cannot WAIT for that 2 happen but in tha meantime like other posters mentioned, its YOU time. reflect on past relays..the good/bad/GREAT etc, reflect on ur present, reflect on ur future..should give u a good start of the person u r and will b 4 that special 1. so when tha time does come u’ll know urself well enuff AND have the rest of ur life to share it wit ur partner. but please…NO ‘GAMES’!! u kno how folks get when they meet sum1 new and of interest…the games begin! silly.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:57 am

@DreamsMaterialize thaks!!!! This blog is apart of my life in Atlanta so YES it will continue to be apart of my journey with being a better me in every aspect!!!! It has seen my good, bad, and ugly and always embraced me even the not so nice monikers!:)

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:59 am

@ Dane i feel the competion is so fierce here in the A no one truly has time when they have 11 more waiting….that is my point with love the one your with….

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
11:59 am

whew meant Dan! SORRY!

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
12:01 pm

@LadyJ / czBrat ~ {{{hugging}}} both of you!

Professor

January 20th, 2010
12:02 pm

Lady J you are correct sometimes just having a few coping skills and facing and solving our problems will go a long ways. Like you mentioned others need the meds and the therapy so no one gets hurt…my thing is find your balance.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
12:02 pm

@Prof

No you don’t leave after a few bad days, but mental illnesses (extreme one’s) are relatively easy to spot. But the line is thin (these days) on what’s crazy, what’s weird, and what needs serious medical attention.

As for Marilyn, her story has been told in any number of books. Suffice to say no one would state that she mentally sound in the end.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
12:04 pm

I hate to exit the blog…you all are dropping some real gems IDK…part 2 that 11:56 was great

Raqi

January 20th, 2010
12:04 pm

Now that you have determined a person is the One you want to have a relationship with, assuming they feel the same about you, it’s time to relate. Commit to them. Make them a priority in your life.

Know in your heart of hearts this is what you want and do it. When we commit to something, while it may take some work, it will not necessarily be hard work. We do what it takes to have what we want.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
12:05 pm

@Lady J

That’s true for some.

But as stated here, when you’ve had your 12 (and the 12 of one or two other people), at a certain point, it wears thin.

Now despite Luther’s lyrics, loving the “one you’re with” is really a function of loving yourself; and if that person ain’t for you…..gotta love yourself enough to let them go.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
12:08 pm

break it down Dan a new spin….truly never thought that and I try to say I’m old school! HA! Great post!

Raqi

January 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Dan, speaking of Luther lyrics, the best ones, being the most recent that I heard just this morning, are:

Love has truly been good to me
Not even one sad day
Or minute have I had since you’ve come my way
I hope you know I’d gladly go
Anywhere you’d take me
It’s so amazing to be loved
I’d follow you to the moon in the sky above

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Professor it is a shouting match with me bc I have found mine…you have to be balanced and that Zoloft wasn’t it!

Thanks Leggs!!!! Hugs are dear!:)

Raqi

January 20th, 2010
12:14 pm

that is my point with love the one your with

LadyJ, I agree with that. There will always be somebody out there that is basicly “more” in some type of way. But instead of focusing on what could possibly be out there, take that same energy and put it into the what you have. And believe that the one you are with is the most for you. My husband is the most gorgeous, hottest, intelligent, caring guy on the planet. I need not look elsewhere.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
12:14 pm

@Raqi

So amazing is highly under-rated (given the use of Always and Forever at weddings). That joint goes for it.

Here’s one you might like too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na1pVdg3e4c

Found this while cleaning up some old CD’s

IDK..part 2

January 20th, 2010
12:15 pm

thank you Professor!! this is a good topic!

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
12:16 pm

@Professor–nothing wrong w/reading. it’s fundamental!:) you know i would say that as a teacher…lol.

@sexycool–thanks for your comments. i’m glad that there is someone else in the world who likes to give for givings sake.:) it’s not always about the return.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
12:19 pm

yes Raqi! we have to a some point let the others go and take that chance and risk and make the best out of it!!!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
12:24 pm

Prof I’m obviously no expert on mental illness, but mental illnesses tend to affect several aspects of a person’s life. So, if you’re fully functional on your job and with others, but come home and treat me like ish, then I’m concluding you’re not mentally ill…just being a bych. And if you put up with that treatment long enough, then it’s no longer the other person’s fault. It’s yours. You have to love yourself enough to not be subjected to bad behavior.

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
12:29 pm

LOL @ Leggs. you are just too sweet!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
12:31 pm

You have to love yourself enough to not be subjected to bad behavior.
So true….I refuse to continue to allow folk to call me crazy bcc they know I will show out and turn it out….I handle things so much differently now…..

Melo

January 20th, 2010
12:35 pm

How do you know for sure that you are?

Yeah,thats harder for chics..otherwise there wldnt be versions of runaway bride everywhere!

If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work?

Do they even know what “work” entails or they all thinking “Cindirella” right about now and thinking “work” means going to the garden to pluck some more rose flowers for the set table?

We are so used to bailing out when things don’t work for us, how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?

I have not heard that one answered at all! How? Because that ugly head u saw in Them others during ur dating routines will rear its ugly head again.They all the same these people,same species,they almost seem like they were birthed by the same mama! I know,i know..when its sounding and looking good,it looks really different!

Hello fokls!

(lurking is really nice sometimes)

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
12:41 pm

Hey Melo!!1 Too damn funny!!! LOL

LoveLife411

January 20th, 2010
12:49 pm

@ For Real (11:47)… passing the collection plate, here’s my $20.

Chink

January 20th, 2010
12:50 pm

I wonder is there such thing as 1 soul mate…or do we go through life making multiple connections. I for one can see the multiple connection part…

Melo

January 20th, 2010
12:53 pm

Hey Lady J..

czBrat..be strong for that boy gerl!

Chink?? i read ur earlier post and the ‘multiple connections” bit..maybe “alternative lifestyles” cld be ur thing..just saying…

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
12:53 pm

Chink – I, for one, believe that we have many soulmates and that soulmates aren’t always of the opposite sex nor do all soulmate connections have romantic/sexual ties or meaning.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
12:59 pm

In deciding the one is the one for you there should be talk exclusivity. After the talk you begin to intertwine your lives. Whether it be co-mingling of friends, co-habitation or co-founding your union (marriage), you become the one to each other. You build a life together.

Being the one, that person is in your corner. They “got cho back”. You consider them when making decisions. Especially life changing decisions.

ME becomes WE. They matter.

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
1:02 pm

I refuse to continue to allow folk to call me crazy bcc they know I will show out and turn it out….I handle things so much differently now…..

LOL – that gave me a flashback

Chink

January 20th, 2010
1:03 pm

Melo I wasn’t talking specifically about sexual relationships…I have connected with people men and women san (without) sex.

kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)

January 20th, 2010
1:05 pm

being a soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean “transforming” into a WE for me. it’s an addition. the formation into WE is a new union formed by two WHOLE people. this is to preserve and love the “self” in the midst of the relationship. there is something to be said about when one’s identity is exchanged for an “us.” i’m not sure i’m sold on that.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:15 pm

Chink I believe in soulmates. And yeah each individual could probably have more than one.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
1:19 pm

Chink? thnx for the elucidation!

(melo,with danitonitise_jawbreakernitise infection)

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
1:23 pm

Melo is right. the ugly things will rear their heads at some point in any union. i knew i was in it for keeps when i realized i COULD run when things got rough, but i didn’t. when we hit a rough spot we talk things through, we work at understanding each other. we discuss where and how we want our relatiohship to progress, and as long as we remain on the same page we’re alright.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
1:23 pm

Melo that was a funny post.

@Chink I think we have more than one soulmate, because if there is only one soulmate how can we explain and the different mommas and papas or the folks like Elizabeth Taylor 50-11 marriages.

I have loved more than once

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
1:28 pm

@KB

I’m not one for the loss of identity in any form, but let me put it to you like this:

In faith, you give yourself completely and totally to God (or whatever deity you choose), you allow His will (above your own) in your life.

Similarly, but not exactly, you submit your will to the “WE” of you and your partner. The “We” is more important than ego, will, want. The “we” is compromise, giving and receiving all at once.

The “we” is a beautiful thing.

But the “we” comes at a price. The price of admission is that BOTH of you have to be in it for the “we”, if you both ain’t giving it your all…it’ll never work.

The “we” is Zen. The “we” is Nirvana. The “we” is Heaven on Earth.

Chink

January 20th, 2010
1:30 pm

So is a soulmate strictly based on love?

When I think of it …it almost sounds magical something deeper than love. Almost like a bond that cannot be broken irrespective of the circumstance.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:37 pm

“We” is a partnership. In a partnership you consider the needs and wants of the other person in conjunction with your own. There are two entities working as one to build a more perfect union.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
1:38 pm

I too believe you can have more than one soulmate, and I believe you can love more than one person at the same time. However, I don’t believe the same degree of love can be given to both individuals.

Professor

January 20th, 2010
1:38 pm

Chink that is what is sound like, but I have to believe it is more than one person, because of what I said.

Soulmates are that magical, mystical love that often seems like a fairytale or Cinderalla, to me…I can speak on love, but I am not qualified to speak on two souls merging and making each other better because they love each other with everything they have and are…yep that is outside of Ol’ Professor’s realm

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:42 pm

Chink, I don’t feel that soulmates necessarily relate to an romantic type of love relationship however I do believe that is where most feel that they find their’s.

I always used the term of “to get me, you have to get me” and feel that only a true soulmate can truly get me. That’s why I feel that I found my soulmate in my husband. He truly gets me.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
1:46 pm

You’re absolutely right, Raqi. And, in that “WE” when considering the needs and wants of your partner, you sometimes will find yourself compromising and his/her needs supercedes yours. It’s all part of the relationship. Everyone needs/wants are not always met. It’s like a tightrope, someone need’s/wants will have to teeter a little longer and picked up at a later time. Let me rephrase that…I think everyone’s “needs” should be met in the relationship, and the “wants” tabled for further discussion!

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:46 pm

There is a such thing as having a twin soul that is different from soulmates. I had friend mention twin souls once. I will have to read up on “twin souls”.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
1:47 pm

Okay…yeah…twin souls…I think I like that terminology better.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
1:51 pm

why are folk advertising on FB Atlanta is the gayest city in ammerica….my mis adventures in atlanta I don’t believe is bc of homosexuality or the lack of good men out there….there is someone for everyone gay or straight….samething with that why am I successful and single video that went out….just non sense chatter….

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:51 pm

Leggs, as long as this / and this \ find it’s way back to this = it’s a good relationship. If it never balances out there is too much of something in the relationship. Too needy. Too accomodating. Too selfish. Too docile.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
1:52 pm

I thought I met the one but I’m not sure. We met over the summer and everything appeared perfect. The relationship ended mainly because I feel we moved way to fast.

So here’s a question for you all. I’m more interested in what the men have to say however.

The last time I saw my ex was in Oct few weeks after we broke up (we hooked up, don’t judge me)

Since then we would text back and forth but only a rare occasion and it was him wishing me a happy birthday or me just saying hi asking him how he’s doing and sending well wishes.

Last Friday, he asked me to hang out with him and his cousin that was flying in from NY. Question if we are broken up, why did he want me to meet his counsin? His exact words were, ” My cousin is in town and I would like for you to meet her”
I hung out and had a blast and he’s sort of kept in touch more often.

He invited me over yesterday and I hung out for awhile and today he is coming over to fix the leak in my bathtub. He fixed it for me before New Years and he’s coming back to fix again when I had only asked if I could borrow his tools . He stepped up and said he would fix.

So question, are we just friends or could we end up back together? I’m not ready to ask him this question now because I don’t want to scare him off. Learning from our mistake, whatever happens I will move very slowly, take my time, and no questions about the future.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
1:54 pm

FWB convience and not ready to let go totally

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
1:55 pm

@Raqi
@Leggs

Interesting points ladies. Also I am playing some Chaka Kahn (Ain’t Nobody) for yall on a wednesday.

“And, in that “WE” when considering the needs and wants of your partner,”

What do you all think about people (especially women) with friends who intentionally or unintentionally give you advice on dealing with your men? How much emphasis do you place on this? I asked because sometimes people come off as individualistic thinkers but take into account alot of what thier female friends say. Even the single ones.

You guys all had that friend that gives their opinoins no matter what.

Thoughts?

My question is

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
1:57 pm

Yeah, SexyCool. While I do believe I only have one soulmate, that soulmate could very well be my twin soul. I will have to do some research on that being that I don’t know exactly what twin soul means.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
1:57 pm

@ Lady J-Quest for Staying Power! : haven’t had FWB except for that one time in Oct. -Like I said, don’t judge me.
I don’t have any intentions of doing the do but if he wants FWB, why would he take the time to introduce me to his family and help me with house repairs if FWB won’t happen on my part?

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:00 pm

M. I learned the hard way to not ask or tell my business to my girlfriends…their advice is a doorway in for the most part…I just really learned family and friends can’t be apart of the equation and if I practice that dating the second time around in marriage I won’t feel compelled to have close family memebers and friends dictate my relationship…especially when they don’t have one….

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
2:01 pm

at Lady: just had a thought does FWB and not ready to let go completly kinda equal a relationship? LOL

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:02 pm

not judging bc I was in the same set up to asking questions when I knew what is was what I wanted and whatis wasn’t to each its own….no pun intended….and i met family members with my former FWB person too but it never developed into an exclusive relationship but yours may just my thoughts on a blog…you know truly what your dealing with and handle it accordingly….why so defensive?

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
2:03 pm

If you thought he was The One, what about the relationship was too fast?

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:03 pm

Mdot, first of all, just because a person gives you their opinion does not mean you have to accept it. It’s just their opinion. Secondly, it depends on the person that is giving it. How experienced are they in the matter they are advising you on.

And third, there is nothing wrong with seeking advise from an outside source. Yet, that still does not mean you have accept that advice.

But all in all, so what if someone intentionally or unintentionally gives you advice? You have to make your own decision based on what’s good for you. And be willing to live with the outcome of whatever it is you do.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:04 pm

heck no it don’t equal no relationship…i dealt with that mind game for 3 years and i can’t play that role no more….it wore both of us out….we were both divorcee rebounds….it is whatit is….

For Real

January 20th, 2010
2:06 pm

All this talk about “We” got me feeling, feeling….. like singing an old negro spiritual! Look it ain’t rocket science people. Fix yourself to be the type of person you want.

Soulmates: You can have 10 soulmates (male or female) but you will only have one, “ONE”. Stop confusing the two! That’s why so many of you have past over your “ONE” looking for a soulmate. Oh and another thang, STOP trusting you heart, even the bible tells you not to trust it. Your mind is the most powerful thing on this planet and it’s God’s greatest gift to you. Why some people relent to their heart is beyond me, especially when it has been wrong 50-11 times. Like my mom used to say Look with yoru eyes, listen with your ears and speak with mouth.

Donjarea: “So question, are we just friends or could we end up back together?” – FRIENDS!!! Let it go if it’s true it will return on it’s own. Free, free set them free!!

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
2:08 pm

Enter your comments here

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
2:10 pm

@Lady J-

I see what you mean as a doorway, meaning that take it with a grain of salt but not to seriously right? Women can be haters at time so they will easily throw salt in someones game at times. Not all but some. You definately need to keep your business to yourself.

That’s why when I was in high school, I never dated a girl at my school. Some females talk to much and feel their relationships need to be a group effort. Not the case.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
2:10 pm

Dagnabit!!!! Ate a perfectly good post@!!#()#&*#)(&*

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
2:13 pm

@I am ~ I don’t think LadyJ was judging you at all. Just making an observation on the path she thinks he’s headed down. Nothing wrong with you hooking up with your ex….”familiarity” is an aphrodisiac within itself.

To offer to help you around the house could possibly be his way of having you keep your $$ in your pocket and waste on a maintenance man when he can do the job himself. Probably just being nice and helping out where he can…friends do that.

And for him wanting you to meet his cousin, he probably felt your “spirits” were evenly matched where everyone would have a good time mingling. Take it as a compliment. He thinks your good people!

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
2:14 pm

So, Real – if a woman meets a man (her soulmate) in her 20s and he unexpectedly dies soon after (maybe 30s), will she never have another chance at a soulmate since her ONE is gone? That’s about 50 years of life left.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
2:16 pm

@For Real

I really dont agree with soul mates either.

I think that it’s about where we are in our lives, who we meet, then we make the adjustments to deal with that person. Suppose if your soulmate is in Phoenix, and you never go there? It’s all about who you meet at whatever stage in your life. If there was 1 soulmate, then we wouldnt have any divorces correct?

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:17 pm

Mdot, I have a very good friend that has been with her husband for over 20 years. She and I confide in each other more than any of my other friends. I respect her advice a lot based on the length of time making it work with her husband and for a great part of she don’t bite her tongue when it comes to telling me I’m the wrong one at times. I also tell her when I feel she is wrong.

Nobody was born knowing all the right things to do, well at least I know that I wasn’t, so it’s okay to seek or accept what others have to say at times.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:17 pm

Bingo Leggs that good people stuff to this day is why we meaning my former fwb person is my friend without benfits now….Just Friends is a great movie too may I add! Thanks Leggs!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:17 pm

see raqi yall are equals and can do that….I was talking to folk who wanted to be where I was and i was too blind to see thinking they truly had my best interest and to this day I can’t find any of them but one! Women!

For Real

January 20th, 2010
2:22 pm

LJ: “heck no it don’t equal no relationship” – I have to disagree with you on that… There are all types of relationships, just because it’s not the one you want, that does not make it a relationship. A relationship is define as a commitment or an agreement between two or more parties or between a man and his right hand some instances.

Luvbug: There is a difference between “Soulmate” and the “One”. In your sen… cen.. sin… what you said earlier he lost his “Soulmate” and his “One” is still out there.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:23 pm

If there was 1 soulmate, then we wouldnt have any divorces correct?
Mdot, no, not necessarily. Just because a person may be your soulmate does not mean you will have all things in common. Your coping skills may be quite differently. And even more importantly some people would rather take the easy way out when the going gets tough. We don’t hang with it just because the person is our soul mate. We hang with it because it’s what we want to do.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
2:24 pm

So question, are we just friends or could we end up back together?

I am whatever you say I am???

gerl?? u had me rolling over here.. LOL

Luv sure is a beautiful thang! U defntely friends at this point since u interacting very nicely….if u upgrade it to regular meeting with smashing,then its now FriendsWBenefits.But thats on u.

He proly likes u since he wanted u to meet ur cousin(female?) BUT..If u want more,u gotta let him know how u feel.U can only speak of u then wait to hear what he says..ull either like it or u wont so that will be up to u to put the breaks if u dont want to be just a coochie feededer!

Now,why did u all break up,what was the reason for the break up?

This is the issue u need to address..is it still there or its gone…??

But as a man, i truly admire where ur man is at right now if he knew how u feeling for him.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:25 pm

for me for real i wanted more and I knew he was seeing others and so was i and we never made it to be that hot couple! Only speaking for me I said for her it could be more for her she knows what it is I don’t…

IDK..part 2

January 20th, 2010
2:25 pm

For Real…great point! the ONE is your soulmate…folks b settlin for whom THEY ‘feel’ is the one yet know in their ‘mind’ it ain right. patience is key…there is a match made for each of us and in due time we’ll find one another. dating is SO for tha birds……wait..i dnt think they want it either!

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:28 pm

and melo you already know from past blogs he rejected the idea of wanting more and I had to come to grips with that and get over it not him me bc I was tired of the empty feelings….

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
2:29 pm

I too believe you can have more than one soulmate, and I believe you can love more than one person at the same time. However, I don’t believe the same degree of love can be given to both individuals. i know i’m waaaaaay late but … EXCELLENT!

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:29 pm

to this day I can’t find any of them but one

Yeah LadyJ, it’s like that sometimes. It’s a weeding out process as we go. The friend that I spoke of up top I met when I was 35. She was introduced into my life at a heartwrenching time and has been a true friend ever since.

I have other friends that I trust, but they don’t have some of the experience that I look to that this one has.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:34 pm

I met family members, we traveled every year, movies, plays, dinner, home dates for 3 years and I always thought it was more than what it is…adults do what they want to do and until we are tired and fed up we will ride it out to the wheels fall off….I did and don’t regret it it made me wiser to know what I want and don’t want….substance, consistency, and time baby…

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:37 pm

Just because a person is “the one” does not mean things will be automatic. Just like them not being “the one” means it will fail. There are many arranged marriages that have worked and the two grew to love each other.

I think a misconception of many is that “the one” means putting in less work, but that is not the case. It’s all about the choice. You can easily choose a person to be the one you will be with, or you can choose to not work to be with anyone.

For Real

January 20th, 2010
2:39 pm

IDK: “the ONE is your soulmate” – No, you can many soulmates but you only get one the “ONE” or else their is no need to keep referring to the “ONE” if you can have two the “ONEeses”.

For Real now rubbing his bare feet on the carpet like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
2:39 pm

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power! Not defensive at all. Sorry for the tone

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
2:41 pm

souls find and bond to each other for so many reasons. my husband was my soulmate when i had the soul of an impressionable child. life changed us both in different ways, and our souls no longer understood one another. doesn’t mean that wasn’t real love, even if it was primarily ‘feeling’ and less ‘thinking’. now, with the soul of a more experienced and centered woman, my soul speaks to the one who understands balance. it’s a beautiful thing.

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

no prob chica!

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

Hey Gang, happy afternoon!

Raqi, I like your posts about WE being a partnership. I think that’s one of the biggest adjustments a lot of people have to make in a relationship – now you have to consider the other person. I know it was a problem for a few of the men I dealt with in the past. They wanted to go about their merry way all the time & be selfish and do whatever at the drop of a hat without even considering me. One even told me he would start doing that when he got married, until then there was no ring on his finger. It’s gotta start well before you say I DO.

M dot – Funny you asked that question about friends & “advice”. I’m dealing with that very situation right now. Well-meaning or in one case maybe not, friends have been overstepping boundaries with me & my SO. I’ve had to politely let them know what time it is and that I’m a grown woman capable of knowing how to conduct my own relationship and know what’s best, especially at this stage in my life. I am a private person, but these folks are on the outside looking in and trying to attack like vultures!

Raqi, I was told years ago that it is good to find ONE friend whom you know has your best interest at heart and discuss any relationship questions with only that person. It’s the best advice I have been given. Problem is, I thought I had that friend and she really let me down yesterday with some of her “advice”. Oh well.

IDK..part 2

January 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

Raqi good point. I do think every aspect of our life is pre-determined but us being human and given the freedom of ‘choice’ , WE kinda mess of the master plan! However To each his own. I hope for love and happiness truly..for all.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
2:44 pm

SexyCool: things that moved to fast: exchanging of keys to each other’s places, talking about marriage and the future, sorta planning how our wedding would be, etc….also the fact that he practically lived in my house and was barely at his. I enjoyed the company very much but in the back of my mind I was wondering is this too much too soon.
The marriage talk was initiated by him but I quess he kinda scared himself a bit.

IDK..part 2

January 20th, 2010
2:44 pm

for real…lol. ok i hear ya!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
2:50 pm

Hey WD and all from 5000 thousand skymiles away (and needing a dayum heavy coat).

I only read the first two or three comments but 100% agree with Dan…between relationships take the down time to FIX YOURSELf. When I say that, I mean get whole emotionally. Accept the failures and the successes as Thomas Edison did, that each one taught you a little more about how to amke the “light come on”. Fixing oneself is not trying to cure your bad points it is taking a tally of your greatest strengths as well as your greatest weaknesses, and accepting the beauty that all of us have at least some of…and play that hand.

First step outside of yourself and imagine being the person you think you would want. Then ask yourself, okay I am now him or her for awhile, what would I be looking closest for in my so-called soulmate? BE SPECIFIC…don’t say the normal vague slop like “good heart”, “good looks” , tall short midget, what ever…DEFINE each one. Okay, you decide that person would want a “good heart”…what specific thingw would he/she be looking for that would PROVE you have that “good heart”? How would a “good heart” be demonstrated in someone.

When you have identified as many SPECIFIC things a soulmate would look for, take a brutally honest assessment of those. How many are you rich in, how many are you some of, how many are you not at all? Then decide which of those you CAN change, which you don’t WANT to change, And finally how many you have NO CONTROL over. For example, I will never have a reproductive organ like John Holmes did…it is what it is…do I have a heart, yes one can see it in how I treat people when I don’t have to be good, will I ever be tall, not unless I spend some quality time on the “Rack” in the Tower of London, Do I like to have fun and show it, absolutely.

My points are, choose what would be YOUR choice, ask what he/she would want, decide how much of that you match and correct the things you can, and change your gunsights toward what you MIGHT like that would LIKE the you that you are or will be.

Last of all, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF…because if you won’t, no one else will.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:51 pm

I honestly believe that there are many that have been with the one and ruined it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make it work with another. It’s all about making a choice.

The One’s crap don’t smell no more rosier than any other.

I am lead to say that the one is not the one you are supposed to be with, but it’s the one you choose to be with.

My mother told me before she passed that Mason is the one I was supposed to be with all along. Not taking anything from what she believed, I still know that it’s a choice that we both make every day. When the disagreements get a little heated, we choose to not let it ruin the good that we have.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
2:51 pm

But…if he was The One…how was it too soon?

or…

Did you realize he was The One AFTER you’d pulled back and broke things off?

Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!

January 20th, 2010
2:54 pm

My mother told me before she passed that Mason is the one I was supposed to be with all along. Not taking anything from what she believed, I still know that it’s a choice that we both make every day. When the disagreements get a little heated, we choose to not let it ruin the good that we have.

Amen Raqi and God Bless!!!! Great Blog Peeps!!! Peace Out!:)

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
2:55 pm

I am – Sounds like you guys kind of crashed & burned earlier. But it also seems like he really likes you. It could be like Leggs said or he could genuinely want a do-over. Maybe now you both can relax and just take it easy and truly date & get to know each other at a more realistic pace. You both have come up for air. Don’t read a lot into it, but just chill and see how things play out.

I don’t pay any attention at all to dudes that do the premature marriage talk. Sometimes they could be testing you, sometimes they may really think you’re the one and scare themselves. Everything in due time.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:55 pm

Kimmie, are you disappointed because it was not what you were wanting to hear? Or was it because it was “bad” advice?

The thing about advice is it is sometimes just a person’s opinion. There is a high failure rate that can be attached to following after opinions. And there is the matter of not all men and women are the same. When I take advice from my friend I try to keep in mind that her husband and my husband are not the same. So instead of taking 100% of what she says at all times, I have to make the proper adjustments for my situations at home.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
2:59 pm

I am whatever, sometimes we just need to grow a little to be able to handle what is before us. I believe in do-overs.

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
2:59 pm

Raqi – I can take the brutal, no-sugarcoat truth. This was horrible advice from my friend and I was surprised coming from her. The other friend made some comments to my SO and in front of his daughter that made us all uncomfortable. I had to set her straight.

You are so right though, that you have to keep in mind that everyone has an opinion and often it’s based on their own situation or experiences.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
2:59 pm

Here’s the thing about advice…most people have already made up in their minds what advice they want to hear. So, they generally call on people they know will agree with them, especially if they KNOW they’re wrong. Lots of times people don’t really want advice, they want a vent session.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:02 pm

“…souls find and bond to each other for so many reasons. my husband was my soulmate when i had the soul of an impressionable child.” That’s it right there…if supposedly soulmates aren’t maturing together, one will lose interest over time and will strive to find another “soulmate” that hear the same roar of the ocean (so to speak).

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:02 pm

The one thing that is more important than knowing the person you take advice from is knowing the person you are going to exercise the advice with.

Just because your mate may jump at the sound of a whip, mine may take that whip and hang me with it.

For Real

January 20th, 2010
3:03 pm

Raqi: I agree most people believe the “ONE” means no work and they are setting themselves up for failure. Kinda like:

The One = 20 things you have to work at to make successful

Not the One = 614 things you have to work at to make successful

Common Denominator = You have to WORK in order to make any relationship successful. There are no magical symbols, keys or cudda kats.

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
3:03 pm

So, they generally call on people they know will agree with them, especially if they KNOW they’re wrong. yep. and when you take that step that you’d been wanting to take anyway, you feel justified because a “good friend” agreed with you.

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
3:05 pm

ok, For Real, i give. NOW you’ve got me laughing

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
3:06 pm

Oh…and to add to something I said earlier about giving 100% regardless of my partner’s contribution. I do believe that sometimes, in some situations, it is helpful “hold up a mirror” to show your person what they may not be able to see from their window on the relationship.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:06 pm

Regarding advice…be careful to try to never take advice from someone that is speaking through their own pain. I used to belong to a mens group that all of the men were divorced. It really bothered me when I would hear one giving advice to someone else in the group when it was obvious that he was still angry/pi$$ed/bitter…you could always tell he was trying to transpose his experiences on to the other guy. People like that often speak in generalities, saying things like “all women…(fill in the blank) or “all men…(fill in the blank). Every case is different and discussing one’s “experiences” is one thing, giving deeply personal advice is something else entirely.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
3:09 pm

But in “holding up the mirror”, beware of the Law of Unintended Consequences.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:11 pm

DreamsMat, correct. A lot of time people are just wanting validation or justification for a decision that have already made. That’s why some of the best advice is when the person tells you that you are wrong.

And yes we sometimes are not looking for advice or justification, just the need to vent to a listening ear. I have told my friend before that I wasn’t looking for an answer from her, I just needed someone to talk to .

The very best advice I have received in my marriage came from my father. He said “Obey the marriage”. That advice is strictly unbiased. He didn’t hear my side nor the hubby’s. Just obey the marriage.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
3:11 pm

also the fact that he practically lived in my house and was barely at his.

I hear u females talking about this a lot….HIM living in ur(females) house??

How come uall neva go to live that much in his(them guys)??

This is where u get caught..ur possesiveness makes u get got..let him be free,let him be about..if he comes back to u on the regular,have the guts to let him leave and sleep at his..and u hook up by 4ne in the merning..
Uall must learn to smash,luv him but not be all entangled and bamboozled in the head.

Sex will neva make me lose my mind!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:13 pm

“Law of Unintended Consequences.”

I like that. One of the questions in eHarmony is “what is the one thing, other than love, that you have noticed in successful relationships”. For me the answer is “respect”. Perhaps one should think about how to “hold up the mirror” as respectfully? Not advice, just a thought

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:14 pm

ForReal I agree.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:15 pm

SexyCool, sometimes you have serve them a plate of their crap for dinner…

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
3:15 pm

The ONE does not mean soulmate? Now I’m all confused. Melo, at this point I think your princess analogy must include the guys too.

czBrat

January 20th, 2010
3:16 pm

good hanging out with yous again. gotta get back to the books.

ciao!

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
3:17 pm

Exactly, Raqi.

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
3:17 pm

“ONEeses” – hilarious…still reading posts…I’m sure there is some explanation further down

Willie Dynamite

January 20th, 2010
3:18 pm

Wow, after 3pm and still on-topic. After reading a few posts and some of the debate it seems as though some self reflecting is going on. Always a good thing.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

good day blog….

@Melo – I couldn’t agree with that 3:11 post more.

“luv him but not be all entangled and bamboozled in the head.” i cain’t help but laugh…i know what your saying.

as far as the topic: i work hard all the time. all my life. no sweat putting in for our relationship.

continue on…

For Real

January 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

For those taking advice: Take it from people that DO NOT stand to gain anything from you for taking it. Remember, people are selfish by nature especially those close to you.

For those giving advice: Give it with a clenched fist. That way you will scare off the “amen advice seekers” and those that do come back for more know what to expect you.

Sex Cool: Yeah and you should make dayum sure you are giving 100% before you hold that mirror up to somebody else.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

@WillieD – What up? Lol at the “peep” the other day.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

I do agree, For Real.

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

Good Afternoon, Blog peeps

I don’t know why but this following sentence in Wise’s initial post kinda stuck out to me.

When Mr. Right For Me shows up, I pretty much just have one main goal: don’t screw it up.

I may be wrong, but it sure sounds what we used to call in football as “playing not to lose.” “Playing not to lose” is not the same as “playing to win.”

As for prep, you should live, learn and love. You better believe that change continues even after marriage and the process will continue. My advice to my friends that ask me similar questions is always as follows: Know,have, and follow your core principles. That way you can always look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself. That will be true no matter if your relationship blossoms into a lifelong relationship or not.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

@RandyT ~ prime example of “misery loves company.” One must stay clear of bitter folk even in a group therapy session.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:24 pm

One last thought…as my first relationship after my divorce stated, “if it is not right for one, it is not right for either”. Don’t beat yourself up too much about the “near misses”, just back away, do a reassessment of your assets, and then put yourself back out there…and be the type of person you would want to attract.

Willie Dynamite

January 20th, 2010
3:25 pm

Similac – whats good withcha? You straight?

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:25 pm

Leggs, I was thinking the same thing. Sometimes people hurt and want others to hurt with them. Or like them.

And sometimes people…nevermind.

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
3:27 pm

Okay – all read up (kind of)…yall lost me at soulmate and The ONE has completely thrown me over the edge…can’t compute either.

So is the consensus that you only get one shot at THE ONE?

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
3:27 pm

@WillieD – Mayne I am skrait! lol…Hope yours are well.

Dan - moving away from gray and back to black

January 20th, 2010
3:29 pm

@PG

My thoughts exactly….

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:30 pm

@Leggs …yup, they will bring YOU down.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

Luvbug, no. The one is the one that you choose to be Your One.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:33 pm

Question…since I am a very long way away from Fox…how did my man Jack Bauer do Sunday (without giving away the plot ???

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:33 pm

Hoooowever, back to last week’s topic there has to be a spark there. Has to be some chemistry.

SexyCool

January 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

And it really, really helps if The One chooses you back.

I’m just a girl standing in front of a guy…Yeah, I’m still tearing up at that one…

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:39 pm

But I do believe that many cultures have found the way to make the arranged marriages work. And that way would be through acceptance. Accepting the person with no other choice but to work it out.

I wonder is that why the divorce rates and turnarounds are so high here in America. We have too many choices. In many countries the parents choose the mates for the children and those children accept it and learn to love each other.

There are instances where some rebel, but that’s every where. But in a culture where you know your mate is going to be chosen for you and it is the way of the land, I would imagine their minds are conditioned to accept it and find happiness with it.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:39 pm

@SexyCool re:I’m just a girl standing in front of a guy… I love that movie, in London a couple of years ago and went to Notting Hill…great place.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:41 pm

And it really, really helps if The One chooses you back

SexyCool yeah. Make sure the one you are looking for is looking for one like you.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@RandyT ~ let me answer your question on 24!

24 is giving its viewing audience their money’s worth. That show opened up the last 2 nights with on the edge of your seat drama with crashes and deceit, sordied affair, mind games, etc. It is mesmerizing keeping up with everything. Jack Bauer looks refreshed and ready to kick a$$ all over CTU! It’s going to be a freaking fabulous season.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@Randyt

Relationships are like everything else. No matter how many times you fail, all that matters is that you get it right once; then you are set for life.

@kimmie

Wow so how are you handling that situation with your friends now? Its funny because, I had one woman who could have been my gf but she had to have a conference call about everything that went on between us with her friends. Not my cup of tea.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@Raqi

Absolutely agree. Some of the best AND MOST LOVING relationships I’ve seen are Hindus. Failure is not an option, and they make it work…even if it means occasionally swallowing their pride. That is not something that Americans are typically good at.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

Also, RandyT, I was wondering if Chloe would lose her infamous scrowl, but she still has it. There’s a story line of one of the CTU agents running from her past, but an old flame found her….that storyline is going to be part of the “meat” this season.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

GREAT LEGGS, thanks. That dayum DVR better be working at home, I won’t be back in the US until late February (how dare my company plan this shyte when “24″ is on).

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
3:46 pm

Thanks Raqi. I guess I get that in theory (as in there exist a phrase called “The ONE”)…but for whatever reason my reality blocks out those concepts, so I can’t “appropriately” use them in a sentence.

If the majority thought is there are several chances at a loving, happy, longterm relationship, then I agree.

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
3:46 pm

Randyt

Is Hulu unavailable whereever you are at the moment?

They have the 24 episode on that website.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

Failure is not an option

Randy, that’s how I like to think. Divorce is not an option for me. I truly believe if more people went into marriage and/or relationship without already having an escape plan more relationships would last. Prenup is putting the divorce option on the table.

And I am not saying stay in a miserable relationship. No way am I saying that. But have the will to work at it. Give it your best because you plan to make it last.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

@ Leggs : sorry for the late reply, I was at lunch.

I can’t do the FWB with him: I will catch feelings.
I don’t want the way things were before. I just want the opportunity to move forward with him terms long term relationship-possible marriage.

I’m going to lay low, continue trying to meet new people, and just be friends with him without the benefits and see where it can lead.
Wish me luck

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

Raqi

Arranged marriages are usually born out of practicality, which can serve as a good foundation for stability. Love can develop and blossom in a practical and stable relationship. In the case of American marriages, we often try to build our relationships on love, hoping that practicality and stability will follow. It can (does) happen, but it just doesn’t work as well.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

I would imagine their minds are conditioned to accept it and find happiness with it.

Untill they come to America Raqi!

Either the choices arent there because of their practices or there is a lot of poverty and lack of education..they go hand in glove…..

Its nice to have choice altho some pple are not good at decision making…making the right choice!

And others are always looking anbd scoping.. see

flirting

kinda nice

not this one

not sure?

hell naw

another beautiful one passes by and he looks at her behind

he dont like this one

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:49 pm

DreamsMat, I agree 110%.

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
3:50 pm

most people have already made up in their minds what advice they want to hear. So, they generally call on people they know will agree with them, especially if they KNOW they’re wrong. Lots of times people don’t really want advice, they want a vent session.

Dreams – You are so right about this. In fact, I have taken to telling certain friends upfront that I just want to vent. I also know to talk only about certain things to certain friends if I’m looking for a certain answer (or validation). Certain friends are very judgemental about certain things. So I don’t talk to them about things I know they are judgemental about. They are already biased and I already know what they are going to say.

Generally, if I’ve already made up my mind about something and don’t want to be talked out of it, I keep it to myself. This is not just about bad stuff, it goes for good stuff too. For example, when I decide I want a new haircut, I generally just do it & show up with it done. When I’ve “discussed” it beforehand, everyone tries to either talk me out of it or suggests some stupid haircut that’s not my style. Same thing with career decisions.

Randy – Yes, misery definitely loves company sometimes.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:55 pm

Thanks Pappa Grande, I will check Hulu out this weekend. I did here that someof the Sky network channels will start 24 next week.

@Raqi…agreed. We are tooooooooo used to “safety nets” in our lives and would hold on a lot tighter I suspect if we had no “escape plan” (and I liked what your father said that you quoted above).

DreamsMaterialize re: “we often try to build our relationships on love, hoping that practicality and stability will follow” …interesting. That is an element that I had not thought about.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:55 pm

Melo, I think most arranged marriages that still exist today are cultural events and not because of poverty or the lack of education.

The parents choose based on the families. The seek good families for their young.

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 20th, 2010
3:56 pm

I’m going to lay low, continue trying to meet new people, and just be friends with him without the benefits and see where it can lead.

Good luck with that and I hope you get what you want whether it’s with him or someone new….just don’t limit yourself.

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

M dot – Both friends are a little “bent”, but they will get over it. One thing about me, I say my peace and move on, don’t hold grudges. Thing is, I have an easygoing manner and that is mistakened for being asleep at the wheel, especially in social situations. When I show the more assertive side, folks are taken aback. I basically let one of my friends know it was not even open for discussion anymore and changed the subject. I kill with kindness.

Speaking of your “conference call” girl, I actually knew a guy like that. He got mad at me when he talked about taking me to this party once and I asked him did he ask his buddy for permission first!LOL!! He got the message though!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:03 pm

@M.dot…re:”Relationships are like everything else. No matter how many times you fail, all that matters is that you get it right once; then you are set for life”.

I heard a story once about a famous, very successful investor. A kid asked him, “what has been the key to your success”. The investor replied “I have jumped at opportunities”. The kid then asked, “how does one know what is an opportunity?” The investor relied, “you don’t, so you have to keep on jumping”.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

@Iam ~ I got that you didn’t want to do FWB when you first posted. Just commenting on there’s nothing wrong that you kicked it again in Oct with him. Quite a few backslide for various reasons. I think you’re doing the right thing. Be friends and see if things grow into a relationship. Believe you me, his actions will let you know. I wish you all the luck because you want this to develop. It’s obvious you’re in a quandry, but you’re doing the right thing by continuing to meet other folk.

You will notice if there’s a shift in how he handles your friendship. Might turn into something like Mason did for Raqi….going all the way across town just to walk her dog. That spoke volumes because the act itself revealed his feelings for her. He probably handled that task with a smile on his face. Anyway, you will now if he wants to develop a relationship or remain as friends w/o full body contact.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:06 pm

are cultural events and not because of poverty or the lack of education.

here in america or in India….??

I know in India,among the Hindus,they do arranged marriages…rich and poor folks..its their cultural practice.

Now in rich families,they marry among themeselves within the same rich families and caste.brahman to brahman

Poor families..they marry within their poor caste too,poor to poor..like Harijan to Harijan..

But if these pple came to america for example,they are freer to look elsewhere.Those societies are closed,from a cultural perspective..thats why uall find that they literally kill their daughters in the event they decide to do some different when in a different culture!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:07 pm

@ Melo: yes his cousin is female. She’s cool.

Let’s just say for now, I have my stuff on lock till more is revealed.
I want him back but I don’t want to put pressure on him and I definately don’t want FWB.
Also, he was free to come and go… he just preferred staying at my place 24/7. couldn’t be the fact my place was more homey/ comfortable compared to his bachelor pad that has all the bachelor like feel???
you know how us women like to decorate and what not whereas guys are simple: give me a bed and a TV and I’m straight lol

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:13 pm

kimmie
Hey sometimes you just want to vent, as long as everyone understands that that’s what it is. The problem is when someone takes the venting suggestions seriously and acts on it…bad move. Like, “Dang your dude lost his job ’cause you went up there, slashed all his tires, bashed his windows, and cursed out his boss. We were just venting…didn’t think you took it seriously. My bad.” lol

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:14 pm

@Iam ~ from a person who is also on lockdown, let me ask you this. Are you going to stay on lockdown in the hopes that he may come around? If so how long are you giving yourself to wait on him? Also, are you on lockdown only for him or will you go on with your life trying to meet someone who may hold the key and unlock you before cobwebs start to grow?

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

In many countries and cultures there are a lot of things that are not a choice where the kids are concerned. In some countries religion is not a choice. You have reared up in the religion. In some places education is not a choice. You do it or…you just do it. Getting into the family business, serving in the “military”, marrying within your nationality…all of these things are done with the choice being made for you.

I was told once that years ago it was either the Russians or the Germans that used to brainwash their kids from infants up by playing a record player as they slept. In some fighting countries kids have guns put in the hands and are taught hatred for other countries by the time they are school age. Those are bad examples however those kids are raised to believe in something.

I think we should take some of the choices away here in this “free world” we live in. But since we can’t it’s up to us parents to earnestly instill morals and principles into our kids while we have them at home with us. When our American kids go to school they are exposed to so much it’s scary.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:16 pm

@Melo re: “Now in rich families,they marry among themeselves within the same rich families and caste.brahman to brahman”

True. The Hindus I know are all from pretty well to do families.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:19 pm

“We were just venting…didn’t think you took it seriously….”

Exact line in Lifetime movie this past Sunday over a murder. One wife killed the other woman’s husband and the other woman didn’t reciprocate. Thought she was merely “venting”…too funny!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:21 pm

@ Leggs : thanks for the advice.
Um… a little upset now: He just texted me that he can’t come by to fix my tub, he will do it tomorrow.
I need to take the parts to home depot to get the right replacement part and home depot closes at 9 I think.
I asked him if I could borrow his tools to do it and he said I could but I could wait until he was able to fix for me.
I told him that I would save time and just remove the parts so that I could find replacement to save him time.
His cousin wants to hang out with him tonight- so I understand him wanting to cancel since she is in town to visit him. Doesn’t mean I like it but it is what it is.
He wanted to help but was afraid it would take too long (that’s what happed the first time he repaired- parts were stuck took hours to remove)
I care deeply about this guy and I miss being in a relationship with him but I chose not to to be the blue girl standing in the corner (blue because I’m holding my breath- lol)

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:25 pm

By the way, at the risk of pi$$ing some people off…GO COLTS. GET RING NUMBER 2 PEYTON!!!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

I am whatever
You know it wasn’t until your 4:21pm that I actually realized that your ex coming over with his “tools” to “fix your leak” was real. I thought all that was just a metaphor for him coming over to…you know. haha Was I the only one with my mind in the gutter?

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Colts? You really think?

Lol

@ PoppaG – Can your NFL card get a sista a couple tickets to Miami for XLIV?

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Iam ~ It’s your call. It doesn’t sound like your comfortable waiting on him so DON’T. He’s merely a friend no matter what deep feelings you have. If you’re comfortable being on his schedule then wait for him. Would you wait this out for any other duded willing to help you fix your tub or are you simply waiting it out to spend whatever time you can with him?

Don’t you dare be that blue girl!!!

jus askin

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Wouldn’t you only be able to deem “the one” as being the one if only you’re married?

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

used to brainwash their kids from infants up by playing a record player as they slept

now,u either funny or just ignorant!

I used to play classic music and jazz too when junior was sleeping.Brainwash??

When our American kids go to school they are exposed to so much it’s scary.??

i doubt that there is any scary culture exposre in public schools..

Now as far as banning, i wld ban hip-hop radio and MTV for under 19s!
Thats the most corrupter

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

Randyt

I am rooting for the horseshoes too.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

@DreamsM ~ Yes, I think you were the only one!

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:29 pm

if only you’re married?

Proly..and stay married and happy…..for a……long………long………….long …………time!

Lurker

January 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

i doubt that there is any scary culture exposre in public schools..

nothing scary about public schools but the students

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Hey Cameeli, I’m a Vol so loyal to another TN grad…even if they are favored in Vegas, could still lose easily. I don’t think I have ever seen a playoff where any of the teams could make it though like this one.

I’m missing the playoffs and 24 while across the ocean, crap, crap, crap. I will try to stream them somehow.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:32 pm

I am whatever you say I ??

how old are u….u seem to be curling ur toes and head too baby coz of this guy??

how exshepienced are u at the game??

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:34 pm

@ Melo – The teachers still play classicaland nature music at the 5th grade level at the lad’s school.

He has one subject teacher that has a tatto of the eye of Horus and when she holds that same arm/wrist up the kids repeat a integrity speech….interesting.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:34 pm

@Dreams…you thought he was coming over to “lay some pipe” so to speak?

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:36 pm

Leggs: lockdown meeting not giving up the cookie.
I’ll continue meeting new people, etc…. but someone would really have to prove to me that they want to be with me, invest in the relationship, etc.. before I give up cookie.
going with a 3 month rule

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:36 pm

Yes, I think you were the only one!
Dang my bad. lol

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:37 pm

Cee

Do you know how expensive those tix are?

The NFL is crazy in how they’ve priced those tix out the the range of majority of NFL fans.

Any female that I got Superbowl tix for, would have to put out. j/k

Seriously, the tix prices are as high as Snoop Dogg. The upper level tix are $1900.

Just giving away tix that much can be an issue

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:37 pm

ALOL @ DreamsMaterialize !

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

Me three RandyT and Poppa…on dem Peyton Colts!!

3 wise men from the east are we?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

@PG…I really worried that that “after the bye week” curse would continue, so definitely feel a little better now..but two more to go. I was over the ocean when the game was being played and did not know for a day that they had won.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

Randyt that’s what I thought. Guess I misunderstood the whole thing. lol

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:39 pm

“I’m a Vol so loyal.”

@ RandyT – Colts are cool…I have no hate, really.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:40 pm

Cee?? whats ur favred team..and ol man?

is the superbowl at Tazzee..im briinging the wings??

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:40 pm

LOL @Iam, I know what lockdown means. Are you locking it down just for him or are you open to meet others possibly connecting with another individual who may unlock you? I identify 100% with your post! But, I don’t pay any attention to the 3-month rule, but the other part of your post is on point!

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:41 pm

I’d love to see Peyton get ring #2 against his hometown team (The New Orleans Saints).

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:41 pm

@ Melo: I don’t like to play games

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:42 pm

hahahahaha….

@PoppaG – I caint help but laugh. Yeah…i KNOW how expensive that ticket to Superbowl is.

lol…bless you.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:42 pm

just saying though…if you got any pull with Sam and ‘nem.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:43 pm

I am whatever guess you see where my mind was. lol although I’m not judging you if that’s what it was. everyone needs some release. BTW I have some tools for your “problem”. What time should I come?

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:43 pm

I guess what I’m asking is if after the 3 month rule you’ve been kicking it with another who is showing you interest would you consider giving up the honeypot for him knowing you half deep feelings for another?

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:43 pm

Also, it would be great for Pierre Garcon. He probably needs this season to go on as long as possible to get his mind off the tragedy in his home country of Haiti. I’m rooting for him, too. He made the best play of playoff by punching the ball out of Ed Reed’s hand after that interception and allowing his team to keep the ball. With all that is on his heart, he had the presence of mind to keep playing and make a play.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:45 pm

@ Melo – I must say, i like Colts ball. But I wish somebody would have KNOCKED the fire from them Saints early in the game though!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:45 pm

@Dreams can go both ways. I had a lady ask me over the phone once if she could come over and give me a little (substitute name for a cat here). Being the agreaable gent that I am, I “reluctantly” (yeah right) agreed. Thirty minutes later I opened my apartment door and she was standing there holding a CAT. Her daughter had to have someone keep her cat for a month until she changed residences (turned out to be a year). Not the “kitty” I was expecting for sure.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:46 pm

knowing you have….knowing you have…

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:46 pm

I am whatever you say I am ??

“I don’t like to play games”

i know altho us guys make u chics do…..u kinda 2 stepping right now,u see that?

U luv this guy and it shows..

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:48 pm

Too funny, greed and lust got you forgetting the true meaning of the word “kitty”. That was cute and funny!

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:48 pm

KNOCKED the fire from them Saints early in the game though!

Cee…

i know they hated(nuerlens) esp here in the A by the falcon pple..

there is a big possibility they may win this thang….but my money is on peyton… tho.

I wish the nu erlens the worst..but u know,they got katrina goodwill on their back so will see…

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:50 pm

Me too, PG, me too. I like the Saints okay, but I like the Colts better. Just keep the coach away and let Peyton run the game.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:50 pm

Randyt that’s some funny ish man. I could see myself making the same mistake.

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:50 pm

Oh yeah, I want the Saints to win this weekend. I am trying to find Tonya Harding so she can put a hit out on Brett Farve like she did Nancy Kerrigan in the 1994 winter olympics.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:50 pm

I am crakin’ up at the cat story. Got caught sliiiipin’.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:50 pm

With all that is on his heart, he had the presence of mind to keep playing and make a play

I know right!

If it were T.O.,his eyes wld have been blood shot after that, jus standing and his hands on his waist!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:52 pm

Leggs: never been good at 3 month rule but after doing research it seems like something I should try.
I’m very open to meeting new people. I might have a date this weekend with someone I just met.
The hard part is that I want my ex
but I know for a fact that if I let him do him and I do me then whatever is meant to be will be
Whether or not I’m with him or someone else its fine but I have to accept the reality that he may not want me
We broke up because after being in a relationship he realized he wasn’t sure what he wanted and felt like he wasn’t ready.
I didn’t want to play pretend so I ended it.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:52 pm

I’m all for the Colts too. PoppaG would you say they’re still using the Dungy legacy as a winning strategy or is there a whole new system in place?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:53 pm

@Leggs yeah, tell me about it. I listen a whole lot closer from then on and don’t ASS U ME anything anymore

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:53 pm

Yes Melo, I love him.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:53 pm

If it were T.O.,his eyes wld have been blood shot after that, jus standing and his hands on his waist!

okay. DONE!

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:53 pm

You can’t go forward with your life while continuously looking in the rearview mirror! ~ dedicated to i am whatever

Nite!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:54 pm

Dreams Mat: you are silly! LOL

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:55 pm

It is probably the Dungy legacy.

Jim Caldwell had been a college coach forever. (He was at Wake Forest for a while).

Peyton knows that offense inside and out. That defense played outstanding last week against Baltimore.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:55 pm

So Randyt,the cat woman didnt pay u no deposit for that cat care??!!

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:56 pm

With that said, as a former player, I’d LOVE to play for Rex Ryan. That confidence and he is a brilliant defensive mind.

I just like the horseshoes better.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:56 pm

Saints are like roaches…

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:58 pm

Ewwwwwwww!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:58 pm

I am whatever I am silly, indeed. But on the real, why did you tell the blog we were going on a date this weekend. I thought we were going to keep that a secret. And why am I just finding out about this 3 month rule. On second thought, I might have to cancel for this weekend.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:58 pm

@Leggs – oops…only reference i can make for them. awww..ain’t i sweet.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:58 pm

Melo … let’s just say it was not totally reward free. She “may” have made it up to me (with a dayum wicked grin on her face the whole time).

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:59 pm

Cee

Imagine the talk from the New Orleans folks if they messed around and actually won this thing.

I remembered when Tampa won, my family called and rubbed it in. (Tampa got their ring against my favorite team, Oakland Raiders)

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
5:00 pm

I just think that Peyton is the only QB that could carve up that Saints defense. He handles the blitz well. Greg Williams (NO Defensive Coordinator) loves to blitz.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
5:01 pm

Oakland and Philly are my favs. I was hoping to see a Oakland vs. Philly superbowl that year. Dungy deserved that Tampa ring though. Brought them up from the ashes.

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
5:02 pm

Yeah, i remember the Buccs moment.

Lol at you being a dang Raiders fan!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
5:02 pm

Grudin has Dungy’s ring

Melo

January 20th, 2010
5:03 pm

Ewwwwwwww!

seen some pple kissing Leggs??

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
5:03 pm

The Saints win this thing?!? wth?…flee from whenst you came you serpent.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
5:03 pm

Leggs: Trust me, if I meet the right guy, I can quickly close the door on the ex.
It’s just the guys I have met since we broke up are not guys that I am interested in which makes me miss the ex more.

For all married people that are upset around petty stuff in their marriage, It’s just not worth it . Grass is not greener on the other side.
I hope married people realize that.

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
5:05 pm

Yeah, he deserved that ring.

He has one now, too.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
5:06 pm

Good to know, i am whatever, good to know. You’re pining for him came across crisp and sharp! I gotcha!

Who ain’t seen nobody, Melo!

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
5:07 pm

I am a proud fan of the Oakland Raiders. Our coaches beat each other up. We don’t play at all.

It is time to send Jamarcus packing. He isn’t serious about winning. He got his big payday and doesn’t care about anything else. He eats way too much KFC. He has a big gut for a QB.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
5:07 pm

PG … I stillhave not actually heard. What things did the Colts do well and what was just miscues of the Ravens? Did the Colts hit on all cylinders?

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
5:10 pm

The Colts defense was the story of the game. Which is an accomplishment when the other defense has Ray Lewis and Ed Reed. The offense was good as usual, but that defense really stepped up and make life miserable for Ray Rice and Joe Flacco.

They looked crisp. Caldwell used the bye as a minicamp and made them hit with pads like it was a summer camp or something. They were ready.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
5:11 pm

ok..

time for bootleg bloging now!

All cylinders Randyt and the Ravens had possessions taken away 1,2,3 i think 4 times.

The colts played like its the playoffs defence was a beast…(kinda feel sorry to expect MATT Ryan to play at same level)
Its was fierce!

They do it again 2 times..they take this thing!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
5:13 pm

Great, thanks. I really hated missing that game.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
5:13 pm

Dreams Mat: you read it wrong.
I said I might have a date this weekend with someone that I just met.
I want to be with my ex but I am not about to hold my breath waiting for him to feel the same way.
In time, if he wants more with me he will definatley let me know. It’s too soon. So for me, life goes on.

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