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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Met The One, Now What?

I haven’t been dating just for kicks and giggles.  The good and bad (and traumatizing) experiences are all a part of meeting the one person that is truly right for me.  When Mr. Right For Me shows up, I pretty much just have one main goal: don’t screw it up.  Of course, it’s way more complicated than that.  There will be compromise and loads of patience (patience mostly on his part) and actual work that would be involved.

A lot of us aren’t ready for love, even though we think we are.  How do you know for sure that you are? If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work? It won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, so as New Edition used to sing, Can You Stand the Rain? Sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth.  We are so used to bailing out when things don’t work for us, how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?

Do you think there are things we can do while we are single to prepare us for a relationship? What about marriage?

When you meet someone who you feel that you could have a future with, what should you do to let them know?

300 comments Add your comment

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@RandyT ~ let me answer your question on 24!

24 is giving its viewing audience their money’s worth. That show opened up the last 2 nights with on the edge of your seat drama with crashes and deceit, sordied affair, mind games, etc. It is mesmerizing keeping up with everything. Jack Bauer looks refreshed and ready to kick a$$ all over CTU! It’s going to be a freaking fabulous season.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@Randyt

Relationships are like everything else. No matter how many times you fail, all that matters is that you get it right once; then you are set for life.

@kimmie

Wow so how are you handling that situation with your friends now? Its funny because, I had one woman who could have been my gf but she had to have a conference call about everything that went on between us with her friends. Not my cup of tea.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

@Raqi

Absolutely agree. Some of the best AND MOST LOVING relationships I’ve seen are Hindus. Failure is not an option, and they make it work…even if it means occasionally swallowing their pride. That is not something that Americans are typically good at.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

Also, RandyT, I was wondering if Chloe would lose her infamous scrowl, but she still has it. There’s a story line of one of the CTU agents running from her past, but an old flame found her….that storyline is going to be part of the “meat” this season.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

GREAT LEGGS, thanks. That dayum DVR better be working at home, I won’t be back in the US until late February (how dare my company plan this shyte when “24″ is on).

Luvbug

January 20th, 2010
3:46 pm

Thanks Raqi. I guess I get that in theory (as in there exist a phrase called “The ONE”)…but for whatever reason my reality blocks out those concepts, so I can’t “appropriately” use them in a sentence.

If the majority thought is there are several chances at a loving, happy, longterm relationship, then I agree.

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
3:46 pm

Randyt

Is Hulu unavailable whereever you are at the moment?

They have the 24 episode on that website.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

Failure is not an option

Randy, that’s how I like to think. Divorce is not an option for me. I truly believe if more people went into marriage and/or relationship without already having an escape plan more relationships would last. Prenup is putting the divorce option on the table.

And I am not saying stay in a miserable relationship. No way am I saying that. But have the will to work at it. Give it your best because you plan to make it last.

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

@ Leggs : sorry for the late reply, I was at lunch.

I can’t do the FWB with him: I will catch feelings.
I don’t want the way things were before. I just want the opportunity to move forward with him terms long term relationship-possible marriage.

I’m going to lay low, continue trying to meet new people, and just be friends with him without the benefits and see where it can lead.
Wish me luck

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
3:47 pm

Raqi

Arranged marriages are usually born out of practicality, which can serve as a good foundation for stability. Love can develop and blossom in a practical and stable relationship. In the case of American marriages, we often try to build our relationships on love, hoping that practicality and stability will follow. It can (does) happen, but it just doesn’t work as well.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

I would imagine their minds are conditioned to accept it and find happiness with it.

Untill they come to America Raqi!

Either the choices arent there because of their practices or there is a lot of poverty and lack of education..they go hand in glove…..

Its nice to have choice :lol: altho some pple are not good at decision making…making the right choice!

And others are always looking anbd scoping.. see :arrow:

:lol: flirting

:roll: kinda nice

:twisted: not this one

:-) not sure?

:evil: hell naw

another beautiful one passes by and he looks at her behind :arrow: :roll: :lol:

:evil: he dont like this one

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:49 pm

DreamsMat, I agree 110%.

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
3:50 pm

most people have already made up in their minds what advice they want to hear. So, they generally call on people they know will agree with them, especially if they KNOW they’re wrong. Lots of times people don’t really want advice, they want a vent session.

Dreams – You are so right about this. In fact, I have taken to telling certain friends upfront that I just want to vent. I also know to talk only about certain things to certain friends if I’m looking for a certain answer (or validation). Certain friends are very judgemental about certain things. So I don’t talk to them about things I know they are judgemental about. They are already biased and I already know what they are going to say.

Generally, if I’ve already made up my mind about something and don’t want to be talked out of it, I keep it to myself. This is not just about bad stuff, it goes for good stuff too. For example, when I decide I want a new haircut, I generally just do it & show up with it done. When I’ve “discussed” it beforehand, everyone tries to either talk me out of it or suggests some stupid haircut that’s not my style. Same thing with career decisions.

Randy – Yes, misery definitely loves company sometimes.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
3:55 pm

Thanks Pappa Grande, I will check Hulu out this weekend. I did here that someof the Sky network channels will start 24 next week.

@Raqi…agreed. We are tooooooooo used to “safety nets” in our lives and would hold on a lot tighter I suspect if we had no “escape plan” (and I liked what your father said that you quoted above).

DreamsMaterialize re: “we often try to build our relationships on love, hoping that practicality and stability will follow” …interesting. That is an element that I had not thought about.

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
3:55 pm

Melo, I think most arranged marriages that still exist today are cultural events and not because of poverty or the lack of education.

The parents choose based on the families. The seek good families for their young.

Sassy Me....do it right or not at all :-)

January 20th, 2010
3:56 pm

I’m going to lay low, continue trying to meet new people, and just be friends with him without the benefits and see where it can lead.

Good luck with that and I hope you get what you want whether it’s with him or someone new….just don’t limit yourself.

kimmie

January 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

M dot – Both friends are a little “bent”, but they will get over it. One thing about me, I say my peace and move on, don’t hold grudges. Thing is, I have an easygoing manner and that is mistakened for being asleep at the wheel, especially in social situations. When I show the more assertive side, folks are taken aback. I basically let one of my friends know it was not even open for discussion anymore and changed the subject. I kill with kindness.

Speaking of your “conference call” girl, I actually knew a guy like that. He got mad at me when he talked about taking me to this party once and I asked him did he ask his buddy for permission first!LOL!! He got the message though!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:03 pm

@M.dot…re:”Relationships are like everything else. No matter how many times you fail, all that matters is that you get it right once; then you are set for life”.

I heard a story once about a famous, very successful investor. A kid asked him, “what has been the key to your success”. The investor replied “I have jumped at opportunities”. The kid then asked, “how does one know what is an opportunity?” The investor relied, “you don’t, so you have to keep on jumping”.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

@Iam ~ I got that you didn’t want to do FWB when you first posted. Just commenting on there’s nothing wrong that you kicked it again in Oct with him. Quite a few backslide for various reasons. I think you’re doing the right thing. Be friends and see if things grow into a relationship. Believe you me, his actions will let you know. I wish you all the luck because you want this to develop. It’s obvious you’re in a quandry, but you’re doing the right thing by continuing to meet other folk.

You will notice if there’s a shift in how he handles your friendship. Might turn into something like Mason did for Raqi….going all the way across town just to walk her dog. That spoke volumes because the act itself revealed his feelings for her. He probably handled that task with a smile on his face. Anyway, you will now if he wants to develop a relationship or remain as friends w/o full body contact.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:06 pm

are cultural events and not because of poverty or the lack of education.

here in america or in India….??

I know in India,among the Hindus,they do arranged marriages…rich and poor folks..its their cultural practice.

Now in rich families,they marry among themeselves within the same rich families and caste.brahman to brahman

Poor families..they marry within their poor caste too,poor to poor..like Harijan to Harijan..

But if these pple came to america for example,they are freer to look elsewhere.Those societies are closed,from a cultural perspective..thats why uall find that they literally kill their daughters in the event they decide to do some different when in a different culture!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:07 pm

@ Melo: yes his cousin is female. She’s cool.

Let’s just say for now, I have my stuff on lock till more is revealed.
I want him back but I don’t want to put pressure on him and I definately don’t want FWB.
Also, he was free to come and go… he just preferred staying at my place 24/7. couldn’t be the fact my place was more homey/ comfortable compared to his bachelor pad that has all the bachelor like feel???
you know how us women like to decorate and what not whereas guys are simple: give me a bed and a TV and I’m straight lol

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:13 pm

kimmie
Hey sometimes you just want to vent, as long as everyone understands that that’s what it is. The problem is when someone takes the venting suggestions seriously and acts on it…bad move. Like, “Dang your dude lost his job ’cause you went up there, slashed all his tires, bashed his windows, and cursed out his boss. We were just venting…didn’t think you took it seriously. My bad.” lol

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:14 pm

@Iam ~ from a person who is also on lockdown, let me ask you this. Are you going to stay on lockdown in the hopes that he may come around? If so how long are you giving yourself to wait on him? Also, are you on lockdown only for him or will you go on with your life trying to meet someone who may hold the key and unlock you before cobwebs start to grow?

Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life

January 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

In many countries and cultures there are a lot of things that are not a choice where the kids are concerned. In some countries religion is not a choice. You have reared up in the religion. In some places education is not a choice. You do it or…you just do it. Getting into the family business, serving in the “military”, marrying within your nationality…all of these things are done with the choice being made for you.

I was told once that years ago it was either the Russians or the Germans that used to brainwash their kids from infants up by playing a record player as they slept. In some fighting countries kids have guns put in the hands and are taught hatred for other countries by the time they are school age. Those are bad examples however those kids are raised to believe in something.

I think we should take some of the choices away here in this “free world” we live in. But since we can’t it’s up to us parents to earnestly instill morals and principles into our kids while we have them at home with us. When our American kids go to school they are exposed to so much it’s scary.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:16 pm

@Melo re: “Now in rich families,they marry among themeselves within the same rich families and caste.brahman to brahman”

True. The Hindus I know are all from pretty well to do families.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:19 pm

“We were just venting…didn’t think you took it seriously….”

Exact line in Lifetime movie this past Sunday over a murder. One wife killed the other woman’s husband and the other woman didn’t reciprocate. Thought she was merely “venting”…too funny!

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:21 pm

@ Leggs : thanks for the advice.
Um… a little upset now: He just texted me that he can’t come by to fix my tub, he will do it tomorrow.
I need to take the parts to home depot to get the right replacement part and home depot closes at 9 I think.
I asked him if I could borrow his tools to do it and he said I could but I could wait until he was able to fix for me.
I told him that I would save time and just remove the parts so that I could find replacement to save him time.
His cousin wants to hang out with him tonight- so I understand him wanting to cancel since she is in town to visit him. Doesn’t mean I like it but it is what it is.
He wanted to help but was afraid it would take too long (that’s what happed the first time he repaired- parts were stuck took hours to remove)
I care deeply about this guy and I miss being in a relationship with him but I chose not to to be the blue girl standing in the corner (blue because I’m holding my breath- lol)

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:25 pm

By the way, at the risk of pi$$ing some people off…GO COLTS. GET RING NUMBER 2 PEYTON!!!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

I am whatever
You know it wasn’t until your 4:21pm that I actually realized that your ex coming over with his “tools” to “fix your leak” was real. I thought all that was just a metaphor for him coming over to…you know. haha Was I the only one with my mind in the gutter? ;-)

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Colts? You really think?

Lol

@ PoppaG – Can your NFL card get a sista a couple tickets to Miami for XLIV?

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Iam ~ It’s your call. It doesn’t sound like your comfortable waiting on him so DON’T. He’s merely a friend no matter what deep feelings you have. If you’re comfortable being on his schedule then wait for him. Would you wait this out for any other duded willing to help you fix your tub or are you simply waiting it out to spend whatever time you can with him?

Don’t you dare be that blue girl!!!

jus askin

January 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Wouldn’t you only be able to deem “the one” as being the one if only you’re married?

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

used to brainwash their kids from infants up by playing a record player as they slept

now,u either funny or just ignorant! :lol:

I used to play classic music and jazz too when junior was sleeping.Brainwash?? :lol:

When our American kids go to school they are exposed to so much it’s scary.??

i doubt that there is any scary culture exposre in public schools..

Now as far as banning, i wld ban hip-hop radio and MTV for under 19s!
Thats the most corrupter

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

Randyt

I am rooting for the horseshoes too.

Leggs

January 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

@DreamsM ~ :lol: :lol: Yes, I think you were the only one!

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:29 pm

if only you’re married?

Proly..and stay married and happy…..for a……long………long………….long …………time! :lol:

Lurker

January 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

i doubt that there is any scary culture exposre in public schools..

nothing scary about public schools but the students

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Hey Cameeli, I’m a Vol so loyal to another TN grad…even if they are favored in Vegas, could still lose easily. I don’t think I have ever seen a playoff where any of the teams could make it though like this one.

I’m missing the playoffs and 24 while across the ocean, crap, crap, crap. I will try to stream them somehow.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:32 pm

I am whatever you say I ??

how old are u….u seem to be curling ur toes and head too baby coz of this guy??

how exshepienced are u at the game?? :lol:

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:34 pm

@ Melo – The teachers still play classicaland nature music at the 5th grade level at the lad’s school.

He has one subject teacher that has a tatto of the eye of Horus and when she holds that same arm/wrist up the kids repeat a integrity speech….interesting.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:34 pm

@Dreams…you thought he was coming over to “lay some pipe” so to speak?

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:36 pm

Leggs: lockdown meeting not giving up the cookie.
I’ll continue meeting new people, etc…. but someone would really have to prove to me that they want to be with me, invest in the relationship, etc.. before I give up cookie.
going with a 3 month rule

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:36 pm

Yes, I think you were the only one!
Dang my bad. lol

Poppa Grande

January 20th, 2010
4:37 pm

Cee

Do you know how expensive those tix are?

The NFL is crazy in how they’ve priced those tix out the the range of majority of NFL fans.

Any female that I got Superbowl tix for, would have to put out. :razz: j/k

Seriously, the tix prices are as high as Snoop Dogg. The upper level tix are $1900.

Just giving away tix that much can be an issue

I am whatever you say I am

January 20th, 2010
4:37 pm

ALOL @ DreamsMaterialize !

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

Me three RandyT and Poppa…on dem Peyton Colts!! :lol:

3 wise men from the east are we?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

@PG…I really worried that that “after the bye week” curse would continue, so definitely feel a little better now..but two more to go. I was over the ocean when the game was being played and did not know for a day that they had won.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2010
4:38 pm

Randyt that’s what I thought. Guess I misunderstood the whole thing. lol

Cemeeli

January 20th, 2010
4:39 pm

“I’m a Vol so loyal.”

@ RandyT – Colts are cool…I have no hate, really.

Melo

January 20th, 2010
4:40 pm

Cee?? whats ur favred team..and ol man?

is the superbowl at Tazzee..im briinging the wings??