Met The One, Now What?
I haven’t been dating just for kicks and giggles. The good and bad (and traumatizing) experiences are all a part of meeting the one person that is truly right for me. When Mr. Right For Me shows up, I pretty much just have one main goal: don’t screw it up. Of course, it’s way more complicated than that. There will be compromise and loads of patience (patience mostly on his part) and actual work that would be involved.
A lot of us aren’t ready for love, even though we think we are. How do you know for sure that you are? If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work? It won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, so as New Edition used to sing, Can You Stand the Rain? Sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth. We are so used to bailing out when things don’t work for us, how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?
Do you think there are things we can do while we are single to prepare us for a relationship? What about marriage?
When you meet someone who you feel that you could have a future with, what should you do to let them know?
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300 comments Add your comment
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:32 am
two year progam and a year clinical so 3 years….and I’m excited thanks KB!
SexyCool
January 20th, 2010
11:33 am
“a lot of what screws up a relationship is when a person chooses to give ONLY what they’ve been given.”
Here, here, kinderbabe.
It is my opinion that, when I am in my best place, it is my responsibility to give 100% to my relationship regardless of what my partner is doing. Because in the end, I am only responsible and accountable for me.
However, I am honest enough with myself to realize that I do not dwell in my best place at all times and sometimes, I behave in a reactive, hurt, self-protective manner by withdrawing into myself when I’m not getting what I need from my relationship. And that’s not healthy, but it is human.
Leggs
January 20th, 2010
11:33 am
Congratulations LadyJ…keep moving forward!
SexyCool
January 20th, 2010
11:37 am
The Advocate Magazine ranks Atlanta as America’s Gayest City.
Can’t say I’m surprised about that.
Professor
January 20th, 2010
11:37 am
Kinderbabe I totally agree with you on that 11:28.
There was a lady from Ellenwood, GA featured a few years back and she had this small business where she wrote love letters and poems for couples and did picnic baskets for them…just all types of super romantic things…you tell her about your relationship and she came up with the romance…long story short she started all of this because her husband was not romantic and she wanted to treat him the way she wanted to be treated…he became more romantic and she started making money when friends started asking her can you help me with this or can you do that.
I have tried this in my own relationships…just simple things like a quick note saying I had a great time and really appreciated dinner…a little goes a long ways.
yes I am a nerd always reading
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:38 am
thanks auntie leggs!
PRINCESSNIK
January 20th, 2010
11:39 am
Hey All,
This reminds me of a topic my pastor preached on a few years ago and it stuck with me. The basis for the sermon was the text “when a man findeth a wife he findeth a good thing”, he talked about how the woman would already be carrying herself the way that the wife would carry herself: for example making sure her household was taken care of and in proper order.
I agree with those of you who say the mind of marriage begins before the marriage. Too many people want what looks good, but ends up leaving a nasty taste in their mouth. Stop thinking that YOU can change people because YOU cannot. A person may want to change because of you or you may encourage them to be a better person but in the end they change because THEY want to. Being sure of who you are and what you need will definately help the process.
DreamsMaterialize
January 20th, 2010
11:40 am
Prof
It’s not a dance around words. Any good argument rests on proper definitions of the premises. If we don’t agree on the definitions, then we can’t debate the topic. At least the debate wouldn’t have any real merit. My point was that a person with a mental illness doesn’t have a choice in the matter. An otherwise “normal” person does. If this “normal” person chooses to act and make decisions as a mentally ill person would, then I’m not dealing with that. If you have choice and the ability/capability to exercise that choice, then I’m not accepting you choosing to be your worst.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 20th, 2010
11:42 am
@Prof
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_monroe
2. Mental illness (whether diagnosed or not) is not what Willie D was speaking to. He was talking about an instance where all things being normal a person chooses to act an azz.
3. I agree with you and Lady J that there are a number of undiagnosed and untreated people walking around this city. And steering clear of them is one of my main goals.
@Lady J
Congrats on your achievement, and continued success.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:43 am
SexyCool your 11:33 is fire! That is my point honey!
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:44 am
Thanks so much Dan!
czBrat
January 20th, 2010
11:45 am
Lady J on the real …. i have seen myself on meds and off, and i like myself on meds much better
my 17-year-old son is now suffering onset mental illness and it’s a difficult thing to witness. bless you and your efforts and the lives you will touch!
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:46 am
and dan that is my point I know I can act ass and those acts are not gone forever just chosen better but they are there we can’t run from ugly behavior….let’s not break up to make up just keep it going through it all
For Real
January 20th, 2010
11:47 am
What up Blog Fam.
On topic:
How do you know for sure that you are? – You lose your selfish tendencies and he/she has satisfied all of your due diligence.
If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work. – First lose the “if”. You should know what type of person you want. Do not just “go for it” and hope for the best. As stated above, do your due diligence, lose the selfishness and please don’t hold your body and time out as if it’s the greatest thing in that person’s life because it ain’t. Chances are you are not their first, second, third… you get the point.
how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last? – Truth has stated this before, prepare yourself live as one with another person. Get your finances, house, other lovers, family, friends, priorities (nothing but God should come before this person) and most importantly yourself (i.e. dump your baggage) in shape to receive another person. Then you should be ready to work harder than you ever worked in your whole entire life.
When you meet someone who you feel that you could have a future with, what should you do to let them know? – First close your mouth, second close it again and then let your actions do ALL of the talking.
DreamsMaterialize
January 20th, 2010
11:47 am
Lady J congrats. are you going to use us (the blog) as guinea pigs for your projects and theses? lol
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 20th, 2010
11:51 am
@Lady J
Oh we all can be a bother sometimes, intentionally and unintentionally. But the thing is, when you’re with that right person, the desire/need to do that should wane.
The need should wane because the person knows/cares enough to know what triggers you;
and the desire should wane because you care enough about the other person to “put in the warnings” before going completely off the hinges.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:52 am
czBrat a personal story on the onset of my failed marriage I thought I need Zoloft for my depression…the placiebo affect was terrible bc it wasn’t working for me bc @ the end of the day i didn’t need it and wasn’t treating the real problem….Now my brother and his psychosis has to be treated with meds and therapy or someone will get hurt…I had to get a grip on life and deal with the bed I made and learn LJ more and stop being FAKE…When I tell ya to this day I was so happy I didn’t get caught up with I am sick and playing that role and identifing with self truth its a testimony I refuse to not share….We can’t run from our problems is is the point I a making…yes mental illness is real and yes some depression needs major treatment but we have to 1st find out what we are truly treating and only the man in the mirror knows that….so Happy with me know….
czBrat thanks for your enouragement and always be there for your son and most importanly yourself bc the caregiver has to be together to give care! That will be part of my mission to support the care giver we as a society often ignore!!!!:)
Professor
January 20th, 2010
11:54 am
@DreamsM you are correct in your post. At this point how do you determine if a normal person is “acting” mentally ill? Do you request previous medical records?
@Dan we all know normal people have bad days. So do you leave because of a few bad days? If not, what do you call long-term problems expecting different results…insanity. As for the MM wikipedia link we both that is not a reliable source.
IDK..part 2
January 20th, 2010
11:56 am
GM,
I am ready to meet my soulmate, the One! I deeply believe in GOD so much and know whomever that person is will be just ‘perfect’ for me. I cannot WAIT for that 2 happen but in tha meantime like other posters mentioned, its YOU time. reflect on past relays..the good/bad/GREAT etc, reflect on ur present, reflect on ur future..should give u a good start of the person u r and will b 4 that special 1. so when tha time does come u’ll know urself well enuff AND have the rest of ur life to share it wit ur partner. but please…NO ‘GAMES’!! u kno how folks get when they meet sum1 new and of interest…the games begin! silly.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:57 am
@DreamsMaterialize thaks!!!! This blog is apart of my life in Atlanta so YES it will continue to be apart of my journey with being a better me in every aspect!!!! It has seen my good, bad, and ugly and always embraced me even the not so nice monikers!:)
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:59 am
@ Dane i feel the competion is so fierce here in the A no one truly has time when they have 11 more waiting….that is my point with love the one your with….
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
11:59 am
whew meant Dan! SORRY!
Leggs
January 20th, 2010
12:01 pm
@LadyJ / czBrat ~ {{{hugging}}} both of you!
Professor
January 20th, 2010
12:02 pm
Lady J you are correct sometimes just having a few coping skills and facing and solving our problems will go a long ways. Like you mentioned others need the meds and the therapy so no one gets hurt…my thing is find your balance.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 20th, 2010
12:02 pm
@Prof
No you don’t leave after a few bad days, but mental illnesses (extreme one’s) are relatively easy to spot. But the line is thin (these days) on what’s crazy, what’s weird, and what needs serious medical attention.
As for Marilyn, her story has been told in any number of books. Suffice to say no one would state that she mentally sound in the end.
Professor
January 20th, 2010
12:04 pm
I hate to exit the blog…you all are dropping some real gems IDK…part 2 that 11:56 was great
Raqi
January 20th, 2010
12:04 pm
Now that you have determined a person is the One you want to have a relationship with, assuming they feel the same about you, it’s time to relate. Commit to them. Make them a priority in your life.
Know in your heart of hearts this is what you want and do it. When we commit to something, while it may take some work, it will not necessarily be hard work. We do what it takes to have what we want.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 20th, 2010
12:05 pm
@Lady J
That’s true for some.
But as stated here, when you’ve had your 12 (and the 12 of one or two other people), at a certain point, it wears thin.
Now despite Luther’s lyrics, loving the “one you’re with” is really a function of loving yourself; and if that person ain’t for you…..gotta love yourself enough to let them go.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
12:08 pm
break it down Dan a new spin….truly never thought that and I try to say I’m old school! HA! Great post!
Raqi
January 20th, 2010
12:10 pm
Dan, speaking of Luther lyrics, the best ones, being the most recent that I heard just this morning, are:
Love has truly been good to me
Not even one sad day
Or minute have I had since you’ve come my way
I hope you know I’d gladly go
Anywhere you’d take me
It’s so amazing to be loved
I’d follow you to the moon in the sky above
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
12:10 pm
Professor it is a shouting match with me bc I have found mine…you have to be balanced and that Zoloft wasn’t it!
Thanks Leggs!!!! Hugs are dear!:)
Raqi
January 20th, 2010
12:14 pm
that is my point with love the one your with
LadyJ, I agree with that. There will always be somebody out there that is basicly “more” in some type of way. But instead of focusing on what could possibly be out there, take that same energy and put it into the what you have. And believe that the one you are with is the most for you. My husband is the most gorgeous, hottest, intelligent, caring guy on the planet. I need not look elsewhere.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 20th, 2010
12:14 pm
@Raqi
So amazing is highly under-rated (given the use of Always and Forever at weddings). That joint goes for it.
Here’s one you might like too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na1pVdg3e4c
Found this while cleaning up some old CD’s
IDK..part 2
January 20th, 2010
12:15 pm
thank you Professor!! this is a good topic!
kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)
January 20th, 2010
12:16 pm
@Professor–nothing wrong w/reading. it’s fundamental!:) you know i would say that as a teacher…lol.
@sexycool–thanks for your comments. i’m glad that there is someone else in the world who likes to give for givings sake.:) it’s not always about the return.
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
12:19 pm
yes Raqi! we have to a some point let the others go and take that chance and risk and make the best out of it!!!!
DreamsMaterialize
January 20th, 2010
12:24 pm
Prof I’m obviously no expert on mental illness, but mental illnesses tend to affect several aspects of a person’s life. So, if you’re fully functional on your job and with others, but come home and treat me like ish, then I’m concluding you’re not mentally ill…just being a bych. And if you put up with that treatment long enough, then it’s no longer the other person’s fault. It’s yours. You have to love yourself enough to not be subjected to bad behavior.
czBrat
January 20th, 2010
12:29 pm
LOL @ Leggs. you are just too sweet!
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
12:31 pm
You have to love yourself enough to not be subjected to bad behavior.
So true….I refuse to continue to allow folk to call me crazy bcc they know I will show out and turn it out….I handle things so much differently now…..
Melo
January 20th, 2010
12:35 pm
How do you know for sure that you are?
Yeah,thats harder for chics..otherwise there wldnt be versions of runaway bride everywhere!
If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work?
Do they even know what “work” entails or they all thinking “Cindirella” right about now and thinking “work” means going to the garden to pluck some more rose flowers for the set table?
We are so used to bailing out when things don’t work for us, how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?
I have not heard that one answered at all! How? Because that ugly head u saw in Them others during ur dating routines will rear its ugly head again.They all the same these people,same species,they almost seem like they were birthed by the same mama!
I know,i know..when its sounding and looking good,it looks really different!
Hello fokls!
(lurking is really nice sometimes)
Lady J-Quest for Staying Power!
January 20th, 2010
12:41 pm
Hey Melo!!1 Too damn funny!!! LOL
LoveLife411
January 20th, 2010
12:49 pm
@ For Real (11:47)… passing the collection plate, here’s my $20.
Chink
January 20th, 2010
12:50 pm
I wonder is there such thing as 1 soul mate…or do we go through life making multiple connections. I for one can see the multiple connection part…
Melo
January 20th, 2010
12:53 pm
Hey Lady J..
czBrat..be strong for that boy gerl!
Chink?? i read ur earlier post and the ‘multiple connections” bit..maybe “alternative lifestyles” cld be ur thing..just saying…
SexyCool
January 20th, 2010
12:53 pm
Chink – I, for one, believe that we have many soulmates and that soulmates aren’t always of the opposite sex nor do all soulmate connections have romantic/sexual ties or meaning.
Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life
January 20th, 2010
12:59 pm
In deciding the one is the one for you there should be talk exclusivity. After the talk you begin to intertwine your lives. Whether it be co-mingling of friends, co-habitation or co-founding your union (marriage), you become the one to each other. You build a life together.
Being the one, that person is in your corner. They “got cho back”. You consider them when making decisions. Especially life changing decisions.
ME becomes WE. They matter.
Luvbug
January 20th, 2010
1:02 pm
I refuse to continue to allow folk to call me crazy bcc they know I will show out and turn it out….I handle things so much differently now…..
LOL – that gave me a flashback
Chink
January 20th, 2010
1:03 pm
Melo I wasn’t talking specifically about sexual relationships…I have connected with people men and women san (without) sex.
kinderbabe--for better or for worse starts now:)
January 20th, 2010
1:05 pm
being a soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean “transforming” into a WE for me. it’s an addition. the formation into WE is a new union formed by two WHOLE people. this is to preserve and love the “self” in the midst of the relationship. there is something to be said about when one’s identity is exchanged for an “us.” i’m not sure i’m sold on that.
Raqi...I’ve got a real thing, The love of my life
January 20th, 2010
1:15 pm
Chink I believe in soulmates. And yeah each individual could probably have more than one.