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Flirting or Friendly?

I’m not the type that thinks a man is always trying to hit on me when he pays me a little attention. Sometimes, a guy is genuinely being kind or chivalrous.  This also means that I have probably missed a couple of flirting signals.

I can tell when a guy is “checking me out” as it were, but flirting..well, let’s just say that guys have told me they had to work overtime before I realized they were actually flirting with me.  I am talking about the type of flirting that should alert me to the fact that they were interested.

How can a woman tell a man is flirting with her? What are the signs?

Guys, are there times when you are really just being cordial or friendly? Should women take any male interaction as a sign he is interested or attracted?  How do women distinguish from a friendly encounter to a flirty one?

Ladies, do you have a hard time recognizing flirtatious behavior from men? Does it ever come across as  random “peacock” behavior when they are showing off whatever asset they believe impresses women?  Do you think that works?

120 comments Add your comment

CoolShadow

January 19th, 2010
12:20 pm

@ Professor

I’m curious; is there any differentiation between when you’re just interacting vs. flirting, i.e., do you make a conscientious effort to flirt or do you just leave the interpretation to others?

SexyCool

January 19th, 2010
12:21 pm

Blackberry blogging again. Sorry for the double posting.

SexyCool

January 19th, 2010
12:23 pm

@Elijah – dude, you’re going to need more than 9 digits.

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
12:26 pm

I am whatever
I feel you, but I think you posted the extremes between flirting and not flirting. Flirting doesn’t have to be some dude falling all over himself, begging for a woman’s attention and company.

I saw a chick in the grocery store last week. We were both in the vegetable aisle, and she clearly wasn’t finding what she was looking for. So, I asked her what she was looking for. Said she was looking for bonnet peppers for a chili recipe. I told her habanero peppers would work just as well and asked jokingly what time I should show up for dinner. She laughed and we talked more about cooking and other things. I told her I didn’t want to hold her up but that I hoped we didn’t have to meet randomly in the vegetable aisle for us to talk again. Numbers were exchanged and that was it. I didn’t chase her out of the store, tap dancing, holding on to one leg begging for the number. lol

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
12:27 pm

see dreamsM that is what I am talking about….I’m sticking to what I want substance, consistency and time….that was a great short and sweet convo with results….good job!:)

I am whatever you say I am

January 19th, 2010
12:31 pm

Dream, I mentioned that because it was funny.
Especially since I didn’t notice him following me all around the motorcycle shop. I was with my boyfriend at the time and he noticed how this dude appeared out of nowhere following me (lurking).
My ex said that he peeped him staring at me. LOL

I think most people of sound nature are able to recognize the difference.
Just becausee someone is polite doesn’t necessary mean he is flirting however, if you willingly exchange in lengthy conversation and offer a phone number, he will glady take it.

Oh this is major game: A guy that give out his phone number but does not ask you for yours and walks away after doing so.

Sitting Pretty

January 19th, 2010
12:55 pm

Call it whatever you want…flirting or being friendly, there’s a thin line between the two. As it’s been said repeatedly today, just because someone is courteous/cordial (eg holding the door for you) it doesn’t mean they want anything from you. I just take that as good manners and a reminder that there are people out there that still have them (manners). I’m a friendly and it can be mistaken as flirting, but I think a man can usually tell the difference. I say be friendly/flirtatious….you may just be the bright spot in someone’s day. Just about everyone likes to feel flattered from time to time.

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
12:59 pm

@CoolShadow- I leave it to others to interpret, but I have been the same person that twist when walking and a little bit sassy since the age of five…

@Elijah- so you like that I am a flirt, huh? Does that mean you are going to deliever those wings soon with a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut on the side? :wink:

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
1:03 pm

I am whatever
I have this image of dude peeking through wheel spokes and ducking under handlebars to get a look at you without being seen. HAHA

Oh and giving the business card without asking for the number in return has some major advantages. 1) It lets her know you’re obviously interested 2) It gives her an out if she’s not sure she wants to give her number out 3) If you don’t throw it out immediately, a business card tends to stick around for some time

good job!:)
I try. lol

For Real

January 19th, 2010
1:20 pm

What up Blog Fam!!

I think the first question that needs to be asked to clear the “flirting air” is women list the things a dudes does that you consider to be flirting. Cause I don’t consider buy you a drink to be flirting.

For Real

January 19th, 2010
1:27 pm

“Elijah – dude, you’re going to need more than 9 digits.” Elijah thought bubble (Soooooo that’s why they haven’t called me) Example of how Elijah gives his number out:

six-sevem-eight-fou-oh-sevem-quee-quee-eight

I am whatever you say I am

January 19th, 2010
1:31 pm

DREAMS- I think it’s game, leaves women wondering “how come he doesn’t want my number?” Reverse pyschology: put the urgency to call in the woman’s hands.
Dreams- I have a question: why is that if you are eating something good or shopping for grocery items, a guy always has to ask “Can I have some?” or “can you cook for me?”, “When can I come over?” etc…

From the receiving end , I’ve always found these lines to be so tired…..
I politely smile or laugh but in reality I’m thinking “Man, that line is so old. Couldn’t he have tried something different?”

Tazzee - praying for Haiti

January 19th, 2010
1:31 pm

Afternoon Folks!

I’m not upset when a woman has “attitude” or when she doesn’t acknowledge my chivalry. I know I approach every woman with respect. My approach might not be what makes her tick, but she can never say it lacked respect. So, if she has an attitude or decides not to acknowledge my courteous deed, that’s her issue, not mine.

DreamsM Love that!

Leggs I hope things work out with your car. Sorry you’re having to go through this.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
1:35 pm

All,

Those with jobs should be fortunate to have them. But the question, is what do you all think if you meet someone who a great catch all around but they are currently unemployed? Women, are you cool dating Mr. Right, though he is not working?

Guy’s, are you cool dating Ms. Right, even though she is not working right now?

Run4life

January 19th, 2010
1:43 pm

I am not sure on this one. I don’t think I am that deperate to date someone that is unemployed. I guess since my income goes to funding the lifestyle of a 20 year old and 13 year old (that’s a different blog), that it is hard for me to want to fork over my money for all of our dating adventures.

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
1:44 pm

I am whatever
They’re just ice breakers. I got in elevaror one day with some lunch, and a woman says, “Did you bring some for the rest of us?” I just figured it light convo to break the awkward silence in the elevator. I wasn’t thinking how “tired” that sounded. I mean, what would you suggest? I guess it’s easy for women to criticize guys for not being original because they’re never the ones who have to think of something “original”. Any random chick has been approached thousands of times in the course of her life. If you’re guy #3217, what’s the chances that your approach is completely different from 3216 who came before you? I mean really, how many truly “original” ways can a guy approach you? I mean I guess I could parachute out the sky, twirl a fire baton, and do a James Brown dance…

Willie Dynamite

January 19th, 2010
1:46 pm

Afternoon All,

I’m a friendly flirt. My conversation is flirtatious. Not that I’m really trying but I do get accused of being a big flirt. The wifey use to have a problem with this but she sees that its not intentional. I have noticed that I’m not good at it if I try to flirt. I leave the cheezy one liners alone and just converse. The back and forth witty banter during a conversation I can definitely get with.

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
1:46 pm

Mdot–i have been in that position before when Mr. Right wasn’t working. i was o.k. with it b/c of my dedication to the person. i know it doesn’t work for everyone but it can happen.

Willie Dynamite

January 19th, 2010
1:47 pm

Professor

January 19th, 2010
1:48 pm

@M. dot…great question on dating someone unemployed. I have read articles and saw a few programs on this topic. I will lurk a little to see what is said…

Professor

January 19th, 2010
1:49 pm

The James Brown dance would be nice…twirling the baton only if he is fine like Reggie Bush and take his clothes shirt off

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
1:50 pm

@Run4life…you know, i was just having that convo yesterday w/my guy. i told him that if i had children, there was no way i would date someone who didn’t have their duckets in order…lol. now, the reason i was able to date someone before who was unemployed was b/c they lost their job in the course of us dating AND i don’t have in children. but believe me, if i did, a brotha w/o a job would be a NO GO! lol

Professor

January 19th, 2010
1:53 pm

I think if I met someone unemployed and we clicked I would try to take things slow for a while or do the FZ

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
1:56 pm

@Run4life…thought i’d add that the convo i had was brought on by an episode of fantasia for real followed by let’s talk about pep…LOL. those shows are a trip!

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
1:57 pm

MDot
If she’s Ms. Right as you put it, then the answer is an easy YES. See if she’s the right one for me then I know:
1) She has drive like I have drive
2) The unemployment situation is temporary
3) She’s doing everything she can to be in a situation where the relationship is not one sided

If I meet a chick and she’s unemployed because she’s in law school, I don’t see a problem. If she has a history of stable employment, but she’s laid off when I meet her, then we’re good. If she quit her job to get her business off the ground, then we can make it happen. This is always a one-sided question though because guys tend to be the primary earners in our society. There are many guys who don’t want their wives to work. It’s not a deal breaker for us, but for women…

CoolShadow

January 19th, 2010
1:58 pm

Guy’s, are you cool dating Ms. Right, even though she is not working right now?

I won’t hold a woman’s unemployment status against her is she’s indeed Ms. Right; they’re a lot of people involuntarily unemployed through no fault of their own right now. You have to assess where they were and where they’re going as far as getting back to being employed. If I have to solely financially support dating outings and activities, then the magnitude of the activities may have to be tempered.

However, in speaking casually with a few females about dating the unemployed, I got the general impression that some women won’t date unemployed men unless he was working when they met and have some sort of comfort in the man’s ambitions and that he won’t try to live off them.

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
2:02 pm

@coolshadow. you summed it up for me when you spoke of the circumstances in which it’s o.k. to be unemployed from a woman’s point of view. you’re right, i would def be most comfortable is the guy was working when we met and i knew enough about his character to know that he wasn’t in the market for a sugar mama…lol.

Sassy Me....oochie wally, wally :-)

January 19th, 2010
2:06 pm

The James Brown dance would be nice…twirling the baton only if he is fine like Reggie Bush and take his clothes shirt off

Ooh yes…yes…yes! That man is foine!

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
2:06 pm

The James Brown dance would be nice…twirling the baton only if he is fine like Reggie Bush and take his clothes shirt off
Prof I know you’re just being facetious (maybe lol), but say a guy does all that. Then it becomes un-original for the next guy to do. So, now the next guy has to come with some extra different stuff to be considered “original”. And what is “original” anyway. Something you have never heard? Maybe it is original to the next. Anyway, I’ll take notes to enroll in that salsa class and fire-walking tutorial. lol Damn, can we write off expenses related to “being original” on our taxes? ;-)

Tazzee - praying for Haiti

January 19th, 2010
2:07 pm

On topic – I smile A LOT. Some mistake my smiling at them as flirting, but I’m just smiling. If a guy holds the door for me, I look him in the eyes, smile and say thank you. If I’m walking down the street and make eye contact with a guy, I smile and say hello. I love to smile at folks, but it’s just that – me smiling. Now if I touch a guy – then I’m flirting.

If I met a guy that was unemployed, I’d be like Professor – take it slow. I would want to know the circumstances surrounding his unemployment and then see how he handles his unemployment before entering into a romantic relationship with him. Is he actively looking for work? Can he handle the fact that I’m working? Does he have a problem with me paying for a date? Stuff like that…

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
2:12 pm

@Dreams

You are right. If a guy met an unemployed woman, he can definately deal with her and understand the situation alot easier than a woman dealing with an unemployed man.

I met a woman yesterday who was cool and in the medical field so I know she is used to living a certain way. She was mentioning that 5 days a week are dedicated to job hunting.

Also one of my friends is unemployed but his gf is an Dr. with her own practice so these dynamics are different, but also he is finishing his MBA.

@Ladies,

How would you handle the dates knowing he cant take you out all the time? Will you get creative and do alot of free or in home dates and activities?

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
2:23 pm

@Mdot..planning would be key. i LOVE creative loafing. I would look under the happenings section and find out all the free events we could stand. lol. there are lots of things to do like free days at the High Museum, walks in the park, scrabble/monopoly nights, dinner/movie at home (or at friend’s houses). in the summer there are all types of neat festivals like wind down wednesday at centennial park and the auburn festival. it can definitely work when money is low.

Melo

January 19th, 2010
2:24 pm

M(dot) ur qstion is interesting in that,the person who only likes to be approahed by working dudes wld dump them(assuming there seeing one) the moment that dude gets laid off from their job! :lol:

Sassy Me....oochie wally, wally :-)

January 19th, 2010
2:37 pm

How would you handle the dates knowing he cant take you out all the time? Been there…done that. I’ve dated a person who just didn’t have the finances to go out like that and I didn’t have an issue doing dutch or treating sometimes. I also noticed how uncomfortable he was so I came up with different things to do(for the free and at home) that made it better for us both. Truth be told we had more fun on the dates we planned at home ;)

I agree with kinderbabe on this one b/c Creative Loafing is the bizness…it’s filled with a plethora of free things to do.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
2:38 pm

@Melo

That’s a good point. They probably never dealt with that or arent expecting it so went it happens its like what now?

lurker

January 19th, 2010
2:43 pm

Well, before today I thought I knew but after reading the comments I’d say there have been times when I was being flirted with and didn’t recognize and times I thought someone was flirting but probably not.

However, I do agree with this If a man speaks to you about world events,politics, and sports bets are he is having a conversation with you. If he asks about your children,husband,or boyfriend he is probably testing the waters.

I don’t tend to flirt but I have no problem “flirting back” if you throw it out there. I’m sort of like, okay I’ll bite. I am seriously turned off if you’re an open obvious flirt. One that flirts with EVERYTHING breathing, in the open, for all to see. I tend to pass on those situations.

kimmie

January 19th, 2010
2:43 pm

How would you handle the dates knowing he cant take you out all the time? Been there…done that.

Me too, Sassy. I’ve actually had it happen twice – had the guy lose his job soon after we started dating. But something in your post was key “I also noticed how uncomfortable he was”. The issue is if the person is too comfortable and is not putting forth any effort to find a job. Drive, determination & ambition are attractive in a man. Fortunately, the guys I knew had some hustle. But yes, we got very creative with the dates and never missed a beat.

Willie Dynamite

January 19th, 2010
2:45 pm

Mdot – your ? goes back to the perception of the Good Man. MOST Women would like to know that a Dude is a provider. Granted he may be good with money mgmt, savings and whatnot he does not readily give the impression of being able to provide. However more importantly is how the Woman views his current job status. A dude that doesn’t have the ambition or get up and go couldn’t keep a GOOD woman no how. Dudes for the most part are more interested in is she good for me and does she have the GD tendencies. If you are looking for me to Sponsor you it wouldn’t matter to me whether you have a job or not, NEXT.

lurker

January 19th, 2010
2:46 pm

matter of fact, flirting is way sexy in my book, just not with all the chicks on the elevator, or the breakroom, or the lobby or the conference room, etc.

Run4life

January 19th, 2010
2:51 pm

@Mdot. Still a non-starter for me. I do not introduce my 13 year old to potential suitors. So having him hanging out at my house would not work. Just so you know, I dated a guy who was sorta working (mortage business) when I met him, but soon thereafter not working too often. He was at my house all the time, eating my steak, drinking my wine, etc. The last draw was when I had to buy my own birthday dinner. Not cool.

lurker

January 19th, 2010
2:59 pm

Sassy Me....I'm all in :-)

January 19th, 2010
3:02 pm

Kimmie the fact that I could see how me treating on dates made him uncomfortable spoke volumes b/c I knew he wasn’t trying run game and just wasn’t used to what I was doing. PLUS when it did come to the “at home” dates he went all extra,extra. ;)

Ballwood

January 19th, 2010
3:03 pm

Run4Life: “when I had to buy my own birthday dinner” – Awww come baby I told you I lost my wallet and besides you turned down my offer to use the $26.13 I had on my SNAP card.

Melo

January 19th, 2010
3:03 pm

Sorry guys!

Forgot to say,How about dem Popmpous, Dallas Cow-Girls!

And Keith Brooking wants Bret to slow down on scoring TDs.. :lol:

Hope he slows down, getting dem million$$ checks!

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
3:05 pm

DreamsM A man dancing and yelling like James Brown would be soooo funny and scary at the same time. I think you should try it at Publix and let us know what happens. See if the chick will give you her nine digits

:evil:

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
3:07 pm

Melo that nameless QB is still on the hunt for a ring…maybe this week they will be stopped! :evil:

Who said the Chargers all the way???? :roll:

I am going for the Vikings :grin:

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
3:10 pm

Will you get creative and do alot of free or in home dates and activities?

That can be tricky because I have to have a certain comfort level to invite someone into my home…I am all for the free dates. Shoot I do a lot of that now when the weather is right, or something good is going on…

Ballwood

January 19th, 2010
3:11 pm

“But yes, we got very creative with the dates and never missed a beat.” Such as:

1. Sock Puppets
2. Using the fashlight to make shadow puppets
3. Playing that’s my car while sitting in the parking lot of the restuarant he wants to take you to.
4. Thumb wrestling
5. Close your eyes and tell me what this smell like
6. Who can hold their breath the longest
7. Tick tag
8. Red-light green-light
9. Pitty-pat
10. Hide and go get
11. Spin the bottle
12. Jax

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
3:15 pm

Ballwood that is a good list…I really like #2, 3, 4, and 8. #2 is my favorite

Sassy Me....oochie wally, wally :-)

January 19th, 2010
3:15 pm

Run that dude sounded like a leech…sorry you had to go through that,especially with the birthday dinner….bummer :(