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Flirting or Friendly?

I’m not the type that thinks a man is always trying to hit on me when he pays me a little attention. Sometimes, a guy is genuinely being kind or chivalrous.  This also means that I have probably missed a couple of flirting signals.

I can tell when a guy is “checking me out” as it were, but flirting..well, let’s just say that guys have told me they had to work overtime before I realized they were actually flirting with me.  I am talking about the type of flirting that should alert me to the fact that they were interested.

How can a woman tell a man is flirting with her? What are the signs?

Guys, are there times when you are really just being cordial or friendly? Should women take any male interaction as a sign he is interested or attracted?  How do women distinguish from a friendly encounter to a flirty one?

Ladies, do you have a hard time recognizing flirtatious behavior from men? Does it ever come across as  random “peacock” behavior when they are showing off whatever asset they believe impresses women?  Do you think that works?

120 comments Add your comment

Jeff

January 19th, 2010
8:23 am

Should be interesting to see the ego responses to this one

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

January 19th, 2010
8:42 am

If guy doesn’t ask for a phone number or other contact info, don’t read too much into his actions. Even if he is interested, if he’s not willing to step up and take things further, then it’s probably not worth trying to figure out.

LoveLife411

January 19th, 2010
8:46 am

I admit I’m clueless.. I agree Fred. I’ve had men stare me down, smiling all the while never approach. I was out recently and at one point thought the guy was going to approach but I got the sense he was well conflicted… I don’t do conflicted folks, obviously there’s something else going on there.

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
8:54 am

Morning
Flirting should usually result in some sort of action being taken, like getting a number or asking for a date. If a guy doesn’t obviously try to close the deal, then don’t read too much into it, unless you’re interested…they you close the deal.

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
8:58 am

i agree w/fred and dreams. good mewning all!:)

Silky Johnson

January 19th, 2010
9:13 am

Sometimes we use flirting as a gauge to judge a females interest in us. If she is receptive to our flirting then thats a green light to swing for the fences. If shes not receptive then ball 4 takes your bases, and walk away. If a guy approaches you, flirts but does not try and close the deal it could be because: A. He didn’t think you were into him, so why ask B. “He’s just not into you” C. He realized your friend is cuter.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
9:16 am

@Silky Johnson
a hot mess!!!! LMAO but somewhat true!!!!
Morning Folks!

CoolShadow

January 19th, 2010
9:21 am

The way you can a guy is flirting if he makes an attempt to continue communication beyond the initial conversation as Fred G. mentioned. I extend baseline cordiality to every woman but in flirtation mode I tend to make an effort to pay more attention to the flirtee and engage in interesting conversation or witty banter.

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
9:32 am

hey lady j! how’s your tuesday shaping up?

Run4life

January 19th, 2010
9:37 am

I’ve always bought into the philosphy that if a guy is interested then he will find some way to make that known to you. He will seek you out. All a woman has to do is be patient. If he doesn’t find a way, then he is really not that interested and may just be flirting for the ego trip.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
9:38 am

Hey kb!!!!!! It is going well!!! a great start with a big smile, I can’t complain!!!! How are you doing my buddy???!!!???

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
9:40 am

@Run4life I also feel there is nothing in the world that can keep a man away from you if he is interested and wants more….shouting my chasing days are OVER for a man….Here I go boo and if he doesn’t come it’s all good….*serenity*!!!!!:)

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
9:45 am

@lady j…glad to hear it’s going well. i’m w/u, started the day with a smile,no complaints.:) it’s a short work week which is good! it’ll be a 2day wk week for me next week! so january is flying by.:) next thing we’ll look up and it’ll be the long valentine’s weekend (4 days)

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
9:51 am

KB you are on it and that is one of my fav long weekend!!!! Continue to enjoy your day!!! I must say January has become friendly now MARCH is a another story!!!!!:)

Lothario

January 19th, 2010
9:54 am

Hey Lady J, you’re kind of cute. Do you come here often?

RCH

January 19th, 2010
9:59 am

Can’t there be verbal interaction between the sexes without the shadow of “more” in their thoughts?

I enjoy the conversation with many females, many of them married for the pleasure and entertainment. To me’ flirting can be defined more as a step by step process to percure a phone number or a date.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:00 am

surface and shallow conversation always finds its way in I think RCH

Good Morning Lothario:)

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
10:03 am

I was just thinking about this yesterday because I was volunteering and met a real attractive girl but she was kinda standoffish. I asked what she did for a living and she mentioned that she was job hunting. I mentioned that I had a friend in that field and I texted my friend to see if she had any leads, then suddenly she really opened up to me.

I think women shoot themselves in the foot alot because they think that every time a guy speaks to you or says hi in the bread aisle that they want to marry you. Some people are just having a good day and are in a good mood. Dont take this as them wanting to hit on you. It’s just them being courteous.

Sorry I Asked

January 19th, 2010
10:06 am

Men are flirting 24/7 365. If a woman is in doubt, he’s flirting. Don’t worry if he’s too old or too young, he’s flirting.

RCH

January 19th, 2010
10:08 am

Lady J,

If a man speaks to you about world events,politics, and sports bets are he is having a conversation with you. If he asks about your children,husband,or boyfriend he is probably testing the waters.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:11 am

so true RCH I do understand and agree!

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:12 am

but my point is it doesn’t take long with detecting bs convo, I truly believe in the 4 min barrier…

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
10:12 am

@Sorry I Asked

So are men flirting with every woman even the non attractive women?

Run4life

January 19th, 2010
10:12 am

@M. Sometimes men are just being courteous,and we may respond in a friendly manner. Then suddenly, they ask your name, and then phone number. Although I was only being friendly back to this stranger, I was definitely not interested (just not my type). So I then have to come up with a reason why I don’t give out my phone number. I don’t want to hurt his feelings after I have conversed with him for awhile (strictly in a neighborly fashion). All I’m saying is that there is a thin line between being courteous, and being flirty. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:14 am

M. you are right to…I turly believe people can conversate without wanting a daggone thing we do it daily but with dating and experience you can filter well if you learn from your past in my humble opinion…:)

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 19th, 2010
10:29 am

@Run4life

“So I then have to come up with a reason why I don’t give out my phone number.”

LOL this is funny because women always have an excuse about why they dont give out their number. Women are natural excuses makers lol.

Actually, if I meet someone who is cool in the bread aisle, I wouldnt pressure them or force myself on them. What I would do is just say “hey you seem cool, maybe we should grab a drink sometime. Here is my number. Give me a call tomorrow @ 830pm.” If she is interested, she will call. Or if she is not intersted, she may reject you right there, but hey, get over it and move on.

CoolShadow

January 19th, 2010
10:31 am

I think women shoot themselves in the foot alot because they think that every time a guy speaks to you or says hi in the bread aisle that they want to marry you.

True words; sometimes in the midst of being polite some women interpret a greeting as an approach and proceed to throw up attitude when you were only trying to say hello. And then you’re left wondering, ‘What’s up the attitude, I was only saying hello.’

All I’m saying is that there is a thin line between being courteous, and being flirty. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.

That is why sometimes verbal confirmation of a person’s intentions is needed because a lot of people assume their non-verbal cues are universally apparent and understood when they’re not in the eye of the interpreter.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:33 am

hmmmm could it be that simple M. I guess it could but hey….I guess some women meaning me over think simple stuff could be a bit guarded but oh well…still feel if he wants you nothing can keep him away he will step up and make it and and if she’s interested things will blossom…I think that is simple but I caould be again over thinking the simple act huh….hmmmm something to ponder on….smh laughing!

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:35 am

That is why sometimes verbal confirmation of a person’s intentions is needed because a lot of people assume their non-verbal cues are universally apparent and understood when they’re not in the eye of the interpreter.<———-Without verbal communication I feel we would be lost…It is ok to speak what you want this goes for both parties…

TexasBoy

January 19th, 2010
10:43 am

I would like to know do women think men are flirting with then when they hold door open for them? I know the ladies in my office building think men are holding the door open so they can just check out their butts.( that includes the elevator door too )

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
10:43 am

@ladyj when the chemistry is there and everything “clicks” there is a universal knowing that it’s right. b/c when some folks have a lot of slick talk and word games, it’s the nonverbal cues you’ll resort back to when filtering out the BS. you know?

Leggs

January 19th, 2010
10:45 am

Everyone flirts! It’s one of many ingredients the soul needs.

I’m with you M.

I remember being out and talking with a guy for quite some time. We laughed, had good convo but he never asked me for my number. I chalked it up to I simply wasn’t his cup of tea. No frowns, no worries.

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
10:47 am

I do know kb and glad you understand me and where I am coming from…i tell ya semantics! LOL

SexyCool

January 19th, 2010
10:47 am

I never assume a dude is flirting. I just think everybody is friendly (cause I’m not that hawt.) LOL!

Leggs

January 19th, 2010
11:05 am

@TexasBoy ~ I’ve heard that some women think men are flirting just by holding the door open and I think that’s crazy!

It’s one of the things that make me smile. Courtesy makes me smile no matter who dishes it out!

Well, people, got to go. I worked unto 7:45 last night only to get up this morning, drive into work and just about totaled my freaking car on LaVista Road!

A bad night moved into a bad morning! BB Later have to get it towed and damaged assessed! But, still smiling and laughing cuz neither party was injured!!

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
11:06 am

Hola!

Hey Dream_n, Melo and Leggs!

Lady J and Kinderbabe it is good to read y’all.

Long story short I agree with Fred G. Sanford, Silky and DreamsM.

BTW~For some reason I always miss the flirting signs, but I am a flirt myself even though I don’t try to be…I am a little flirt when it is all said and done and most guys just love flirting with me…they think it is cute :wink:

Lady J

January 19th, 2010
11:08 am

Thanks Professor right back @ ya and have a Terrific Tuesday!!!!:)

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES

January 19th, 2010
11:21 am

If Im speaking to you and I dont know you.. Im flirting.. I stay Campaigning..

I believe a closed mouth wont get fed and I likes to eat..

kinderbabe

January 19th, 2010
11:26 am

thanks, professor!:) how have you been?

DreamsMaterialize

January 19th, 2010
11:29 am

so they can just check out their butts
I hold the door open for women because it’s a nice thing to do. Seeing their butts is a bonus. lol

I’m not upset when a woman has “attitude” or when she doesn’t acknowledge my chivalry. I know I approach every woman with respect. My approach might not be what makes her tick, but she can never say it lacked respect. So, if she has an attitude or decides not to acknowledge my courteous deed, that’s her issue, not mine.

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
11:29 am

Lady J it is a Terrific Tuesday, I am just busy, but I am loving this weather after the cold frigid cold weather we had a couple weeks ago.

Kinderbabe I am doing well, and I hope this school year is going great for you.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES

January 19th, 2010
11:35 am

I dont know I like to flirt. Well let me clarify.. I just like meeting new people..

CoolShadow

January 19th, 2010
11:40 am

@ Professor

For some reason I always miss the flirting signs, but I am a flirt myself even though I don’t try to be…

Does that mean when you’re interacting with men that they take your cues as flirting with them?

Professor is.....

January 19th, 2010
11:43 am

@CoolShadow you got it! That is exactly what happens

LURKER ( Cobweb Remover)

January 19th, 2010
11:55 am

M.Dot…. Women who make excuses for not giving out the digits are just plain old liars. Flirting is just the beginning to obtaining a potential date for the future!

I am whatever you say I am

January 19th, 2010
12:07 pm

Flirting: Running out of his way to follow you out the store to fix the carpet you are about to step on as you walk out the store (dude followed me throughout the entire store when I walked in)
Not Flirting: Holding the door for you as you are both walking out
Flirting: Following you out of a store, asking to assist with bags, followed by phone number request
Not Flirting: Asking you about the item you are drinking while at an establishment.
Flirting: Buying you a drink
Not Flirting: Showing you how a machine at the gym works if you obviously appear dumbfounded
Flirting: While you are working out, coming over to show you how to lift weights properly and offerinng unsolicitated advice regarding workout routines, etc… While this may appear as friendly, it is all game according to my male personal trainer.

I am whatever you say I am

January 19th, 2010
12:10 pm

…..singing…..: When you see me in the club Imma flirt……….

SexyCool

January 19th, 2010
12:13 pm

My mother called me bourgeoius (sp?) this morning. I laughed out loud and told her that I was the product SHE created.

Elijah

January 19th, 2010
12:15 pm

Hello good folks of the blog world!

Hello Professor…So you are a flirtatious huh! I like that! :wink:

Since I am a gentlemen I could be considered a flirt, I will speak to and will converse with anyone! Their are a lot of ladies who are not use to being treated like a lady out here so flirting with them is easy!. If I am flirting with you I am going for those 9 numbers!

SexyCool

January 19th, 2010
12:16 pm

My mother called me bourgeoius (sp?) this morning. I laughed out loud and told her that I am the product SHE created.