Quiet as it’s kept
I always say that I kind of admire how some men approach dating. Men don’t obsess about dating and relationship stuff to their homies like some women do. I may not agree with how they handle women, but it seems as if they generally invest their effort and energy in self-preservation. I’m a big fan of that. You can’t be mad at them for this since we all know men and women think differently!
Imagine my surprise when a reader sent me an article about what men fear or dislike about sex. Apparently, the time they save by not obsessing over a relationship is partly devoted to worrying about sex. This is interesting because I can’t remember a man (my man or friends) ever really voicing what they hate about sex. What do you think guys? Is this another thing that you guys just keep to yourself?
Do men find it difficult to talk to their partners about what they don’t like?
Ladies, have you ever heard a guy voice his dislikes about sex? Did you have to pry it out of him? Should women tread lightly when it comes to this kind of thing? Can the response and reaction that you give determine if how he brings up issues about sex in the future?
Happy Thursday!
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
305 comments Add your comment
Leggs
January 14th, 2010
8:44 am
Am I really the first?
Leggs
January 14th, 2010
8:49 am
HAAAAAAA, when I was involved, I’ve never had a man voice any concerns. I think it would be best for both parties if there are any concerns that they be discussed so the problem doesn’t escalate to the point of ending the relationship. What might be deemed a big issue with one partner can probably be corrected by the other if they had the knowledge that there was a problem in the first place.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
8:59 am
LMBO Yep.
Per the article:
Penis injury? One wrong move of the knee while changing position can make a grown man almost cry. I apologized for days. LOL
No problem with foreplay.
The Man hates, hates, hates condoms. He hates them. Once we got to the point in our relationship where we could go skin to skin he hasn’t been interested in wearing them since. And no lambskin condoms aren’t the same as baring it all.
Being denied? I guess nobody really like being denied.
One thing I can say being in a relationship with a giver, he doesn’t give up too quickly when I am on uphill cold molasses trail to the promise land.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
9:05 am
I personally think men have a secret fear of occasional performance anxiety sometimes. I have never heard a man say it but I will imagine it rears it’s ugly head sometimes.
No one person gets it on the mark every single time. But that’s okay every now and then because we are human. Just don’t get complacent.
LoveLife411
January 14th, 2010
9:05 am
How to you make a donation for Hatian aid via cell phone with MetroPCS? Like, text and $5 is added to your account.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
9:09 am
Leggs, the best thing about seasoned relationships is you can talk about this stuff. Well you should be able to talk about if you aren’t already.
LoveLife411
January 14th, 2010
9:11 am
@ Raqi… I personally think men have a secret fear of occasional performance anxiety sometimes.
Right you are! I’ve never had a complaint and never complained, but in attempting to discuss likes/dislikes have hit the male ego wall… it wasn’t even about him, but me!
LoveLife411
January 14th, 2010
9:13 am
P.S. Never, never tell a woman that others liked this or that or swear me I should/do like… when I don’t!
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
9:20 am
Hmmm interesting article.
I’ve been asked and instructed on some things, so it’s never been a problem in my previous relationship. I mean if I’m not doing something right or if I’m not doing something that he would like done, I would want him to voice that. Sex is too be enjoyable for both participants.
Foreplay Now what man doesn’t like that? Maybe the length of foreplay may be an issue, but the actual act of foreplay is leading up to the “grand performance”. I think if nothing, it heightens the intensity of having sex.
Doesn’t foreplay include oral??? What man doesn’t enjoy that?
Oh Morning Blog!!
Luvbug
January 14th, 2010
9:27 am
Sorry – my thoughts in random order…
Them there six inches…is that before or after he’s ready?!
What Melo and Swiss aint number 1 and 2 post on this one?!
Favorite quote of a contestant on American Idol last night – “I’m like the dolla sto” (my response at the TV: Absolutely! AND your OWN name is smelled wrong on your shirt?! Where do they get these people?!)
1. Injury – guilty…will not go into detail
2. Warmup – love and NEED that…get use to it guys
3. Cover – necessary…but have sneaked me some regular…it felt good (real good)…but I knew I was wrong
4. Denial – In retrospect…I should have said yes more often…but at the time…I didn’t see how much it affected him
Luvbug
January 14th, 2010
9:29 am
**spelled**
Hilarious – that’s what I get for hating!!
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
9:32 am
@ Luvbug..
Your random thoughts have started my day off nicely..LOL
Denial… Yup. I was tired on more than one occasion. Sue me!
DreamsMaterialize
January 14th, 2010
9:32 am
Morning
Every experience isn’t the same. What I like with one woman I might not like as much with another. It’s always funny when women seem surprised that guys don’t think EVERY sexual experience is euphoric for them.
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
9:35 am
Another part of me saying No, was after the baby was born. I was so used to my ultra slim figure that I didnt feel too sexy after packing on about 20-40 pounds. Mann looking at my old lingerie and boy shorts at that time made me want to cry..LOL
But I’m good now!
Doesn’t foreplay include oral???
January 14th, 2010
9:35 am
Oh, hail yeah, for guys and girls! I am much better with the oral play than the actual penetration act, and the women appreciate it.
But, as a SAWB, I must be lacking in the length to which most of the women of color on this blog have available! But, then, it is not necessarily the size of the boat, but the skill of the captain, coupled with the motion of the ocean.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 14th, 2010
9:37 am
In my varied experiences (some good, some bad), the anxieties listed in that article are on a case by case basis. Each experience with each female is wonderful and new, until it isn’t.
But worrying in those moments is a waste of energy.
‘Sup
mytw♥cents
January 14th, 2010
9:40 am
DREAMN Some guys pretend that’s the singular definition of foreplay… and some say they don’t enjoy receiving.
I think a small portion of each may be genuine and the others are patiently waiting for an eager chick to disprove him. Amateurs.
Leggs
January 14th, 2010
9:42 am
Love the country girl on Am Idol last night. She’s about to be on an aeroplane for the first time and get to eat those peenuts!
I would think that a man’s performance may be a major concern to him. Sure, they want to make sure their woman is being pleased, but if a woman kicks a man out of her bed for poor performance and tells him to go home, it can be crushing to his ego (in more ways than one). For those married, the tolerance level is higher and communication usually turn things around.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 14th, 2010
9:46 am
@My2
I’mma need clarification: what ’singular’ definition do you refer too? And, who says their not receptive (should be checked for the switch)?
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
9:47 am
@ Mytwo
I had to put my
face on. I’m sure there are a percentage of men that don’t enjoy oral. I haven’t met one.
But Yes, foreplay is so much more than oral.
and the others are patiently waiting for an eager chick to disprove him. Amateurs.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
9:48 am
Whatever his fears may be I am willing to help him work thru them. And I always hope he will do the same for me.
DreamsMaterialize
January 14th, 2010
9:49 am
I don’t think there’s any fear about voicing concerns. WD are you sure none of your previous guys disliked anything? Women tend to have this idea that their ish is encrusted with platinum and covered with sapphires. So, maybe when a guy does mention something, you just write it off like “I just KNOW he’s not talking about me. He must not see how it shines and glistens. Naw he’s definitely not talking about me. He’s the one with a problem.” lol
Ladies do you feel insulted if a dude says there are some things he doesn’t like about having sex with you? Is it a blow to your ego?
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
9:57 am
DreamsM
Honestly, My ex never told me that he didn’t enjoy having sex with me. Since he was more seasoned than I was, he showed and taught me things that he liked. (that i was unaware about)
Would it be a blow to my ego?
It’s all in the way it’s being conveyed. Being in a relationship with him made it easier to just tell me what I needed to do so he can reach the ultimate stimulation.
I had no problem with him telling me that and he had no problem with me telling him what stimulated me.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
9:57 am
Dream Mat – Come on man you know women dont take any responsibility for something being wrong even if they got sorry/lazy coochie..
Professor is.....
January 14th, 2010
9:59 am
Hey Dream_n, Melo, Leggs and the rest of the blog fam!
I will probably lurk on this one a little. I guess I want to actively listen and take in what the guys have to say and ladies too. Hopefully I will read something of value and not some blog/zane excerpt about what the magnum lifestyle.
R.I.P Teddy Pendergrass…I am still playing those hits and his autobiograpy was an amazing read
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:01 am
Now me personally it depends on who giving the oral depends on whether I want it again or not.. I like the act of mounting a babe and riding off into the sunset. If a chick is giving half a$$ presidentials then I’ll pass but her juice box better be outstanding..
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
10:01 am
I mean.. I did have a “Oh you dont like that moment”, but nothing more serious than that… we laughed and kept it moving.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:02 am
DreamsMat, no one really likes criticism. But just straight out saying “I don’t like XYZ when having sex with you” is kinda harsh. I would hope you would word it better.
That’s where communication comes in. “I don’t like XYZ.” would be a better choice of words when discussing intimate relations with a mate.
Professor is.....
January 14th, 2010
10:03 am
For the record a lot of women are giving out lazy/sorry rump sessions because they are not feeling dude or the vienna sausage he is trying to jam with…and that is real talk
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:04 am
At the age we are now you either know how to throw that thang or you dont. It has everything to do with each others rhythm and if we can “Dance” together. If we can “Dance” then everything else will take care of itself.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:06 am
For the record the chicks that got lazy coochie think theyre to cute to Fcuk
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:08 am
They think that just because they opened their legs to give you some thats all they have to do. And thats real talk
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:08 am
Every sexual experience is not going to top the charts. When more people realize that things will be better. Some days you want to just get in a quick one just to knock that edge off and exhale, and some days you want take to the amusement park. Riding the scream machine, the merry-go-round, the bumper cars, the free-fall…
Some days it’s strictly about getting off while others is a love fest.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:10 am
It has everything to do with each others rhythm and if we can “Dance” together.
Yes, yes and yes. Rhythm, being in sync, in tune with each other’s body and mind. Working that rhythm can be magical.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 14th, 2010
10:11 am
@Professor
Why would you hand out some babby?
If you ain’t feeling the dude, then say no, say stop, work with it, or get yours and don’t go back.
But performing badly becuase you ain’t ‘feeling it’ seems childish.
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:14 am
When in a relationship you have to know not to take every denial of sex personally. As well as not making it to the mountain top.
It’s not you, it’s me is a true statement.
Willie Dynamite (Take 2 of these and call me tommorrow)
January 14th, 2010
10:15 am
Morning All,
Good topic that is sure to have some crossing the line and others remaining in denial.
I’ll be the first to say I don’t hit a homerun every single time out. I don’t stress about either. It happens and I’m confident enough in my abilities to know that in the end you’ll want this bat in the lineup.
Ladies alot of times it depends on the situation. If/when a guy just wants some then he really could care less about the performance. Its just a means to an end. Then there are times when we want to put our stamp on it and make you remember. Its the same for guys. I betcha right now every dude can remember the best piece he ever had and also prolly the worst he ever had.
If you have a SO then it should be easy to communicate these things to each other. When you are in tune with each others bodies you know what to do to get that certain oooooh outta ya mate.
Luvbug
January 14th, 2010
10:15 am
I’m not a pro, so there is no ego for me to lose in that department. So far, I have not blamed or taken the blame. Out of 3 partners, one I worked with (or he worked with me rather) and each of the other two did not go past one session. The last two were not comfortable for me and I didn’t blame them, but I didn’t care enough to work on it.
One of the last two guys blamed me… “You don’t xyz. You should xyz.”…I got his point. It was probably even valid. I guess my feels should have been hurt…Somehow they weren’t. I really didn’t care.
Bottom line – If I care, I will work it out with you. If I don’t, I won’t. I don’t care about my reputation, or ego. I won’t blame you, even if I don’t like you…and won’t blame you even if I feel it’s your fault.
Professor is.....
January 14th, 2010
10:15 am
…they are just not into you
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:16 am
I guess with me Im never concerned about me. Im always concerned about is she getting where she needs to go because Im gonna get mine. I pay extra attention to what she responds to positively and negatively. I try to make sure she’s comfortable and thats while its going down she wouldnt want to be anywhere else. I like to make it an experience we can both look back on like Im glad we did that. Whew!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:18 am
twerk something and he’ll be into you We can do this all day.
Dream_n_ All 4 playing
January 14th, 2010
10:20 am
Well stated
Willie D.
Professor is.....
January 14th, 2010
10:21 am
@ Dan There are a lot of childish things we can read the blog and get an overdose of childish daily.
If someone is not feeling you or the moment they are not going to put in a lot of effort that is just common sense…if they are not into you especially those folks that are on the last leg of the relationship. I am not a sex therapist although I love the song, but I do know this from talking and listening over the years…some women give it up so you all will shut tha F*&% UP. So chances are if you are drilling a piece of wood she does not want to be up under you! Do you really think she does not know how to rock it? She just don’t want to rock you or she wants to rock someone else…perhaps she wants to go to sleep.
Professor is.....
January 14th, 2010
10:22 am
Willie D good point
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:22 am
Infamous, I very much agree with being attentive to your partners needs. And in saying that that’s what make you oblige even when you really are not feeling it.
To say that I am all for it everytime my husband wants it will be a lie. However I will, most times, make the effort. He has needs. And so do I leading him to do it for me when he is not really feeling it.
Leggs
January 14th, 2010
10:23 am
@WillieD ~ that’s honest talk because none of us have always hit a home run. We thought we heard bells ringing and thought we had butterflies in our stomachs are first time at bat. We worked through the pain without having a freaking clue on what we were doing. We have all grown, learned, adapted new techniques and discarded old ones. It’s a part of one’s sexual growth to get to the best they can be.
Have we even reached our best? I doubt it. The antics behind closed doors are forever changing and improversation is the spice between the sheets.
DreamsMaterialize
January 14th, 2010
10:23 am
A lot of times it was the “dimes” (or the ones who thought they were dimes) that had the worst. Then there were those 7’s and 8’s that you remember to this day.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LOOK IN MY EYES
January 14th, 2010
10:23 am
Dan – Because some of these chicks think that babby they handing out is the gold standard and no one has told them otherwise. They think letting a dude get it like he wants it makes them lose control but newsflash Ladies.. It puts you more in control..
Raqi...~Flying High Upon The Wings of L♥ve~
January 14th, 2010
10:24 am
Exactly, Willie Dynamite. Sometimes just sharing yourself with each other is a homerun in a different form.
Dan - moving away from gray and back to black
January 14th, 2010
10:26 am
@Prof
What I’m saying is if during the interlude you ain’t feeling it, laying there like a limp fish is the surest way (in most cases) of ensuring he won’t wanna come back.
But, at that point, you’ve already decided to participate, playing the game lame like that is something an adult shouldn’t do.
@DK
That 10:16 is on point.
For me though, if it’s just about ‘getting it done’ then no worry is necessary. But if/when I’m feeling the lady, its not worry about performance, but the nervous exictement of the experience. But one you get that first good hit (football analogy) you settle in anyway.