Chemistry? Some Convincing Required
If you meet someone you are strongly attracted to, what do you do to convince them to give you a shot? Should you even try? Finding a person who you have a great chemistry with doesn’t always come easy. I would even say it starts to become rare that you meet someone and boom..you both feel the spark, at the same time, when you are both open and available.
So what if you need a little help to find the chemistry? Is it possible to convince a person to that you indeed have chemistry when they don’t see it right away?
Is it a bad sign that convincing is required to get a new romance to spark? If you are really oblivious- for whatever reason- of how wonderful a potential match is, is it a bad idea to have someone win you over?
If you could keep your dignity in tact (you know how our egos work in dating!), what would you say or do to convince someone to date you?
Have you ever been won over (wore down?) by someone over a period of time? What did they say or do that made you believe that dating them would be a good idea?
What have you done to convince someone to give you a chance? How did it work out? Would you ever try it again? Why or why not?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
239 comments Add your comment
Dan - countdown his return
January 12th, 2010
8:50 am
Convince: to move by argument or evidence to belief, agreement, consent, or a course of action. [dictionary.com]
Really? Persuading someone to stay or be with me?
HAHAHAHAHAHA
The flip side is dangerous, if someone tried to convince me to be with ‘em, that’s likely not to end well (as old habits die hard).
Morning
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
9:18 am
The Art of Persuasion is just a part of the dating dance. Convincing someone to buy into your plan. However I don’t think it will last if the right chemistry is not there. They only to find out is to get the person of interest to give you the time of day. And that can take some form of convincing.
Just because a person agrees to go out on a date with you does not mean they are convinced. It just starts there.
Yes I have been won over before. He didn’t force the matter or even out right say that he was interested in a relationship with me. He just did his thing and let it all fall into place. If the chemistry was not there it would not have worked or lasted. I know that from other experiences.
DreamsMaterialize
January 12th, 2010
9:26 am
Morning
It’s never necessary to convince someone to like you. Pitch your product to people who are in the market for what you’re selling. Chemistry doesn’t just happen. There has to be something to catalyze the reaction. The catalysts in dating are initial physical attraction, similar interests, etc. The chemistry happens when you determine that these things are aligned. So, it isn’t your job to convince someone to like you, but it is your job to find out (through productive interaction) whether the catalysts are there.
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
9:29 am
I don’t doubt that my husband had to peep something in me outside of making his carnal desire rise in order to cut himself off from other potentials to ride with me.
It’s the things that we say (or don’t say) and do (or don’t do) that does the convincing for us.
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
9:33 am
DreamsM, persuasion/convincing is the key. Why do think we have commercials? In an effort to get you to buy a product the maker of that product convinces you to give it a try or convinces you their product is what you need by frequent advertising. It’s there, in your face, demonstrating how good it will be for you.
Now in dating, a person will not straight out tell you “I am good for you” but their actions and choice words will speak to it.
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
9:36 am
Infamous speaks all the time about how he makes love to a woman’s mind first then the rest will come. That ain’t nothing but persuasion. Once you have the person’s attention then you find out if the chemistry is there.
2CPTG......H2"ism" - the necessary ingredient to the sustainment, and fulfillment of life!
January 12th, 2010
9:40 am
Chemistry…….convincing? Now that’s ironic, because if there’s chemistry, then there should be no need to convince…..but since you delved into the scientific arena, I’ll play along….
We know from chemistry 101 that, “energy is the driving force of all changes, both physical and chemical reactions.” and that, “chemicals or substances change converting to one or more other substances, and these changes are called chemical reactions.” And, “the substances undergoing changes are called reactants, whereas substances newly formed are called products.”……In other words, if you ain’t feeling the “ism” by your own free will and accord, and I gotta put forth some effort (energy) in order for you to see what’s obviously right before your eyes, therein causing a hypnotic effect, you’ll be drawn deeper into the “ism”. If you say it ain’t so, research has proven, that, “physical appearances of products are often different from reactants.” Thus, once you get caught up in the “ism”, you’ll never be the same!
Dan - countdown his return
January 12th, 2010
9:40 am
@Raqi
Though I loathe to disagree, I have to.
Realizing that your experience was unique (stated as fact here most days), the object of dating isn’t about persuasion.
Building a lasting relationship with someone should take persuasion (in this context: sales). It should be, and is, more natural than that.
If it’s right, it’s works [semi] effortlessly; and if it’s wrong it’ll never fit. (S)he will never be convinced, persuaded, or sold on the idea.
Dan - countdown his return
January 12th, 2010
9:47 am
“lasting relationship with someone should not take…”
is how that should’ve read.
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
9:47 am
A mere physical attraction may get a person’s attention but you better do something after that to keep it.
Everything we do convinces a person either to or away from our favor.
DreamsMaterialize
January 12th, 2010
9:51 am
Raqi
The purpose of commercials is to reach an audience that’s in the market to buy their type of product. Zyrtec doesn’t try to convince arthritis patients to buy their product because they’re not in the market to buy it. The purpose of their commercials is to seek out people who suffer from seasonal allergies and present their product as a suitable match for their ailment. In dating, you’re seeking out the person who is in the market to date a guy like you, and then it’s your job to say “Here I am”.
Luvbug
January 12th, 2010
9:53 am
I’ve never tried to convince a guy to be with me. My pride won’t let me do it. That and I don’t want to spend the life of the relationship convincing (manipulating and guilt tripping) him to do this or that to later be resentful that he is not all there. I’ve never played that game…but I’ve had front row seats to a lot of shows in my family-friends-colleagues-associates circles and don’t want in on the action.
I have been won over in the sense that when I was curious I allowed him to express romantic interests and did not stop him completely. If I’m not interested I will cut off any romantic (direct or indirect) attempts. I set boundaries easily…no misleading…no nothing.
I do like to be wooed – not in a shower me with gifts way…but in a take charge way. I admit it…somewhere in the smallest, tiniest, most hidden, deepest part of my core…I feel safer with a guy I can – before I say it – I know women are going to be mad at this statement- but for lack of a better phrase….
Submit to
I’m sure there is a better way to express it (I hate the phrase myself – and the sound of it) but somebody knows what I mean
Dan - countdown his return
January 12th, 2010
9:58 am
To add to Dreams 9:51:
My product isn’t for just anyone, nor should it be, it’s made for the few, the proud, and indeed the worthy. It never goes on sale, and like the blue chip product that it is, it’s valued correctly.
Now as cocky as that sounds, if more men and women thought like that; we’d have less broken hearts and misunderstandings.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 12th, 2010
10:01 am
“What have you done to convince someone to give you a chance?”
Guys cant make a woman like you. She either likes you or she don’t. That’s why you should let her choose. The chase is exhausting.
“Have you ever been won over (wore down?)”
This is worthless because someone knows if they like you in the first 5 minutes. They know what they like. So if you wear her down and loiter around for 5 months and she really wasnt feeling you in the first place then what? That’s 5 months of your life you will never get back.
SexyCool - Telephone Check In
January 12th, 2010
10:06 am
If I have to convince you to be with me, it’s over before it ever started.
I’ve had someone try and convince me before. I gave it the “old college try”. Instead of calling it a waste of life (especially TWO VERY BAD MINUTES, I will call it a learning experience.
Professor...little cans
January 12th, 2010
10:07 am
Hola!
Well I agree with Luvbug on this one. I am not going to play a game to get a man to love me or want me…(1) I have too much self respect for those types of games (2) my ego is a little to big to allow that junk and (3) I just don’t like playing with folks like that…
Now I think we all like to be wooed and given those special things whether it is an Eskimo kiss or words of encouragement…perhaps a little small trinket that means something to both parties.
As for being able to submit I feel ya luvbug a real man is going to value your thoughts and mind so when you submit to him you are just following the natural order of things. The Bible states as Christ is ahead of the Church the man is ahead of his household… My only concern is making sure I have a good household leader that can stand up and be a man, otherwise I will continue to lead my household.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
10:08 am
Convince somebody to be with you.. Nah.. You cant do that.. You can enhance a connection but not BEG someone to be with you..
Today
January 12th, 2010
10:12 am
Could the lurker that posted the 2009 awards repost..they were funny.
mqew
January 12th, 2010
10:17 am
I have not had a successful relationship where a guy had to convince me to be with him. They’ve just never worked. I’ve been worn down, but that’s just it, I just got tired and gave in… what’s the fun in that. It was like he relinquished too much or gave to much of himself or pride (something) and he was always trying to “make good” instead of being himself.
When we both want each other and it’s clickin and we feelin it, and it just seems to gel… well, very well. NOTHIN LIKE IT!!!
MORNING
SexyCool - Telephone Check In
January 12th, 2010
10:18 am
I LOVES me some Kimmie. She has me officially LOL!
mqew
January 12th, 2010
10:22 am
As far as me convincing a man to get with me. HA! Thas just not natural… aint no way in he11
Leggs
January 12th, 2010
10:23 am
Infamous is dead on with his assertion that when you capture a woman’s mind, you’ve captured her. Chemistry can build over time. Sparks may not initally fly in the beginning, but best believe there has to be a semblance of an ember for anything else to ignite. To pitch a dissertation on how the two should be together is not good. No one should be convinced/forced into a relationship.
Much like women giving men ultimatiums for marrying them. To force a man into marriage is never a good thing. Wouldn’t you want that man to willingly propose to you???? I never really understood that. I’d rather go Raqi’s route. She had a 2-year plan on she saw here life. Mason would either be part of it or he wouldn’t. He opted to invest!
And, the art of persuasion is merely a spring board for an attraction that already exist. Because if there isn’t even a sliver of interest, no one can be persuaded.
Leggs
January 12th, 2010
10:28 am
I am cracking up at Professor – little cans! You need to start buying the big cans…more bang for your buck. Too funny. Sorry, inside joke!
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
10:30 am
Infamous, it’s not about begging someone. That’s a whole different ball field. Dating is all about persuasion when you are in it for something worth while. Now if you out just bumping uglies then yeah go with that. But I am not one that just hopped on for the ride because that feeling was there. Heck that feeling got me trouble nearly 16 years ago. After that I needed more and I still chose badly with the next guy.
Chemistry alone is not enough to make a good relationship. Those chemicals run low sometimes and you better be convinced of something greater or else you probably will not stick around.
Dan - counting down his return
January 12th, 2010
10:32 am
@Leggs
There’s a false syllogism in your 10:23.
If a man or woman chooses to invest, what obligation is there beyond that and compatability? Fanning embers (the sales technique) puts out more fires than letting nature take it’s course.
If the attraction is there and our goals for this relationship are the same, I’m not obligated to convince you beyond that point; you’re either in or not.
Seduction and convincing someone of something are two different things.
*Note: if I read that incorrectly, please advise.*
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
10:35 am
But DreamsM, there are many products out there that cover one illness. Zyrtec is not the only product that treats allergies. Therefore it and it’s competitors advertise to convince you that their product is best for you.
And in dating, if that one in your eye sight is your only option then yeah she will not have to do anything to get you except exist.
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
10:40 am
Luvbug, it’s not matter of trying to convince, it’s just a matter of being convincing. It’s not begging. But it’s putting your best out there to stand above the rest.
A person is going to choose what they like but how will they ever know one is it if that person never comes with anything. Sitting on a bar stool looking pretty may get you a free drink. But it’s what you say or do after that that gets you a date or follow up phone call.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
10:42 am
Raqi – Persuation is a different animal.. Thats giving someone the necessary info to make their decision. I see what you saying but there is a difference between persuading and convincing.. Convincing somebody to be in a relationship is begging..
Sybil
January 12th, 2010
10:44 am
You walk around with a dictionary, dontcha?
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
10:46 am
Nah, Infamous, it’s the same. When you persuade someone to listen you have convinced them that you have something worthy to say.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
10:47 am
Raqi – I guess if I gotta do all that convincing youre not for me.. This thing you should be off and running do to a conversation and chance meeting that made us want to speak to one another again. Then it just grew into something organically.. No additives or perservatives needed..
Leggs
January 12th, 2010
10:48 am
Ok, Dan, but when you talk like that you give me a headache.
Dan - counting down his return
January 12th, 2010
10:52 am
@Sybil
Nope.
http://www.Dictionary.com
Without the proper context, words can be misinterpreted.
Professor...little cans
January 12th, 2010
10:53 am
Leggs it is too early for a headache please take this advil and Fiji Water and ignore Dan. You know Dan always add a little false syllogism and fallacies in his posts…he is disturbed that you “allegedly” did the same
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
10:54 am
But Infamous it is not “all that convincing” it’s just words. We do it everyday. When we talk to people we are getting them to buy into the you.
When someone is looking for a job I don’t care how good the vibe (chemistry) is they get from the atmosphere, it’s the bottom line that usually gets them in door. Whether is the ideal job or the best pay, it’s more than that vibe bouncing off the wall at initial approach.
mqew
January 12th, 2010
10:54 am
Raqi – “it’s just a matter of being convincing. It’s not begging. But it’s putting your best out there to stand above the rest.”
If it’s putting you best out there, then that’s just being your best not actively TRYING to covince.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
10:54 am
Raqi – Im not persuading you to listen though. Im just giving you a little something to make your ears perk up like a german shepard cause you heard that dog whistle in the distance.. Now you wanna go see where the whistle is coming from and who has the whistle.. You want to run to whistle because it sounds so good to your ears.. Its a familiar but new sound that make you wanna see who the whistle blower is.. You get it.. Im not blowing the whistle, got a steak tied around my neck, calling ya name and got a brick doghouse with furry slippers with me.. I just got a whistle.. Its not persuation thats natural selection..
Sybil
January 12th, 2010
10:56 am
Same thing.
Sybil
January 12th, 2010
10:56 am
And one more thing, quit trying so hard. Your L7 is showing.
mqew
January 12th, 2010
10:58 am
I’m with you DAN, we needed that dictionary definition, cause I think the word is flying all over the place.
M. (pronouced M dot)
January 12th, 2010
11:02 am
@Raqi
I agree with you. That’s what I said in my posts. You have to let her choose you. Alot of guys just like to wear women down and then act like its cool when they finally give you a chance. They probably just felt sorry for you and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Dating should not be like a charity case. It shouldnt have to be a job to get someone to be with you. If they want you, they will get you.
I was dealing with a girl who at first neither wanted a relationship. Actually she had a bf when I met her so I just put her in the friend zone. Then around December of 2008, she just calls up out the blue. I had a feeling that bf situation went astray. Long story short, she started liking me but Im sorry Im not a backup for anyone. Now lately she kinda has been putting an ultimatium vibe out, (since we not in a relationship). I think she wants me to just break down and say ok, lets get in a relationship…
The funny thing is she has a kid and it doesnt even bother me. It’s just something about her Im not to sure about….
Dan - counting down his return
January 12th, 2010
11:03 am
@Sybil
Far from L7 (why you biting?)
I type the way I think; if the words that I use are unfamiliar, or too obsure, I use them because it’s purposeful to the point I’m trying to make.
I’ve spent far too much time in life having to speak down to folks intellect so that they can understand me; if you choose not to, fine.
Feel free to pass my comments by (like Professor suggests).
As for trying too hard, I’ve been this expressive since I began posting here.
Dan - counting down his return
January 12th, 2010
11:05 am
obscure..pardon
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
11:06 am
Here a soliloquy for you..
Babe if you cant smell what Im cooking then this meal aint for you..
I cant add no more seasoning or take any out to make it right for you.
Either you want some because it will nourish you or you dont.
Hold your plate out or move on so someone else can eat..
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
11:07 am
Infamous, let me go out on a limb and ask you this. Have you never been seeing multiple women and had chemistry with all of them but ended up choosing one after getting to know them all? Was it not that something else that persuaded you to one over and above the others? Chemistry alone did not do that. It just kept you in touch long enough to see what else there was to them. Something persuaded you in one direction and not the other.
Leggs
January 12th, 2010
11:07 am
“or too obsure” See, what is that? That dictionary isn’t working!
Sybil
January 12th, 2010
11:08 am
You consistently prove through your over reaching efforts to appear overly intelligent that you are, in fact, inexperienced and socially awkward.
However, I am certain that somewhere in this world, you will find a soul mate as water seeks its own level.
Wishing you all the best. You’re going to need it.
2CPTG......H2"ism" - the necessary ingredient to the sustainment, and fulfillment of life!
January 12th, 2010
11:10 am
I think I’mma call my boy, Silky Smooth……this seems like just the topic for him to indulge in…..
Raqi
January 12th, 2010
11:11 am
mqew, Mercedes puts their best out there every year but I guarantee you no one buys before sitting down with a sales person and finding out what all it has to offer.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR LAST OF A DYING BREED
January 12th, 2010
11:12 am
Raqi – Its not that hard with dudes.. I liked her more than like the others. Its not a big persuation event. I may have liked the way she had cheese puffs at her house for me everytime I went by.. I hardly think thats persuation.. Thats just paying attention to what i like..