Unforgiving and Unforgivable
We have probably all had our fill of the Tiger Woods saga at this point. Honestly, I hadn’t thought much of it after we discussed it the first time. After seeing his Vanity Fair cover, it dawned on me how different the whole situation if Tiger Woods was a female. I know there is a double standard when it comes to this kind of thing but when it comes to betrayal, men don’t seem to be expected to forgive.
A lot of men believe that they would end a relationship or marriage if they were to find out of about their mate’s infidelity or betrayal. Would these same men expect to be forgiven if they were the one that cheated? Generally speaking, do you think men have a more difficult time offering forgiveness or is that a myth?
Ladies have you found that in your relationships, your man has a small margin of error for mistakes that you can make? Did it bother you? Have you ever had to ask a man to forgive you for something you did? Was he able to forgive you and move on or did it take a lot of work?
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298 comments Add your comment
Professor~Let it Snow (sing it with me)
January 7th, 2010
8:48 am
Hola!
On topic, I have heard men do the “big talk” about what they will and will not do. However I have seen some mean fold like a towel when it all goes down, and I have seen some men walk away too. What I do know is this whether you forgive and stay or forgive and leave…the big word is forgive.
As for asking for forgiveness. I don’t really do that I think it is a personal choice on when someone decides to forgive you. Sometimes you don’t even know you have been forgiven…some folks might take 10 years to forgive you and I am not hanging around that long.
I had to step out yesterday…Dream_n hola and sorry I missed you, Melo I would answer your question, but I forgot and Elijah I have your free advice as soon as you bring me those lemon pepper wings hit me up at sexyprofessorlemonpepperwings@hotmail.com
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:00 am
I do believe that women are more forgiving than men toward their man than that same man would be to his woman. However society is more forgiving of a man’s indiscretions than it is to a woman’s.
Even in the dark light that the February issue of Vanity Fair is trying to shine on Tiger Woods society will soon forget about it and the next woman will not even really care.
I think the only reason Tiger is still in the hot seat is because he is in hiding. If he just come on out admit he did wrong people will soon let it go. But even with all the women owning up to their wrongdoings with him and his wife leaving him, he still acts as if he has something to hide.
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:12 am
I also think men have higher sensitivity when on the receiving of the same stuff that they do not understand why we women get so upset with them.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:12 am
Yeah and Ummmm no I would walk if my mate cheated because I couldnt trust her anymore.. I wouldnt want to put myself in the position where everytime she walks out the house I wonder whats going on..
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:14 am
Tiger feels like its no ones business and thats why he is being low key. I dont even think he’s hiding, he’s just laying low for a minute..
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
January 7th, 2010
9:16 am
I always say Men can Dish it out but can’t take it.
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:17 am
Infamous, in reference to your comment, do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:22 am
I really dont know what everyone wants him to do.. He made a statement and apologized. Didnt we learn from Chris Brown and Vick that you can only say sorry sooo much. If he were out here kicking it as if nothing happened it would be a problem also.. Danged if he does danged if he doesnt. Well D@mn!
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:22 am
The best reason to forgive is to keep your heart clear of bondage. They were wrong, not you!…Let them deal with their own BS…you do not have to carry their heavy burdens with them?…and BS is heavy!
Forgiveness is a slow process…and during that process you probably won’t forgot the details of what a person did to violate you.. Of course true forgiveness takes TIME! And yeah 9 times out of 10 your initial react, is anger.
…as far as Tiger’s infidelity.
I step back and try to see myself in that person’s position that has infringed in such a way. I am just as guilty of “sin” and failure as the next person. I too, am in need of forgiveness for something. If God and people do not withhold forgiveness from me, why should I withhold my forgiveness?
We’ll see what the Nanny does with Tiger’s poopie diaper.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:23 am
Raqi – No.. There are reformed cheaters as there are reformed criminals..
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:25 am
Cee – Umm Huh? You lost me..
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
9:26 am
I am still banned
Dan - just....because
January 7th, 2010
9:27 am
The Rocky III reference…..nice
DreamsMaterialize
January 7th, 2010
9:27 am
Morning
I’m tired of all the hypocrites blasting Tiger. Let’s take the light they’re shining on him and turn it on all the celebrities, politicians, and average Americans…see what we find. ish let’s dig into his wife’s life…bet we’ll find some dirt there too. I like the way Tiger’s playing it.
I’m not sticking around for any chick who cheated on me. I wouldn’t expect any chick to stick around if I cheated on her. Honestly, I’d probably lose a little respect for her, and that would lead to the demise of the relationship anyway.
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
9:28 am
guess not…..whats up folks
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:29 am
Slim – Its not that men cant take it.. Its just that we’re sooo territorial and like to look at our women as the most virtous women on earth.. Once they are deflowered, they lose that virtuosity.. Especially knowing some sweaty dude has banged our chick..
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:30 am
ummm, Infamous speaking on forgiveness and infidelity…where did i lose you?
I am tired as a dog this morning. Let me get something in my belly…no nutrition since 12something yesturday means i can be reading deep, or just way left field…
Willie Dynamite (The Unforgiven)
January 7th, 2010
9:30 am
I really have a hard time with forgiving someone. I’ll be honest and say that if/when you burn me then we got a problem and we gon have a problem for a good minute. We always throw that word forgive around but honestly ask yourself do you truly forgive. When you say i forgive but I dont forget then have you truly forgave. Because you have remembered a past indiscretion you instinctively shield or protect yourself from having that same indiscretion committed again. Is that forgiveness? Easy to say, very hard to do.
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
9:31 am
this is rell..for a couple of weeks i was BANNED..guess thats the only way they can silence the TRUTH…lol
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:31 am
I like the way Tiger’s playing it.
Men stick together.
Willie Dynamite (The Unforgiven)
January 7th, 2010
9:36 am
Rell – what up cuz? How ya New Year looking?
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:37 am
Cemeeli, I think it’s the thought of being betrayed that is the hardest to get over. Think about Andrei Kirilenko. She gives her husband a once a year allowance to be with another woman. Therefore she does not feel betrayed because she is accepting of it.
Now the rest of us sane woman (LOL) will feel betrayed even after just one blunder because we expect more from our men. Within the committed relationship we give and we expect them to be faithful.
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
9:38 am
@wd..its going well thanks for asking…i am on day 20 of p90x right now…man i am hurting
Lady J
January 7th, 2010
9:39 am
Forgiveness is an internal act….It starts in the inside…It is a process…Through the battle field of love I discover when one forgives and release truly from their heart its never an issue to forgive others…The Lord’s Prayer keeps me gounded!!!!!:)
Happy New Year to my Favorite Blog folks!!!!:)
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:40 am
Infamous, if there is one thing that has been confirmed in my over over the past 8-1/2 years is men are territorial. It’s like you all tell the world you can look but you better not even think about stepping to her.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:41 am
Rell – Do you see results with the P90X
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
9:46 am
@DK…H E L L YEAH…but you have to eat right…first two weeks i went from 238 to 218 and i was not even trying…those hour workouts are NON STOP and the yoga will humble you…..the plyometrics will increase your STAMINA in ALL AREAS
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:48 am
i’m on auto pilot today…2 cereal bars, some cereal, mandarin oranges and some tea. This is what i call a continental breakfast.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:48 am
Rell – Thats right
Professor~Let it Snow (sing it with me)
January 7th, 2010
9:49 am
I am cool with forgiving others, but that does not mean I stick around to get the next dosage of harm. One of my favorite quotes states To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis Smedes
Here is my list of things I would stay around for round 2 of:
1. Physical violence
2. Verbal/Mental/Property abuse
3. Cheating
4. Constant lying about any and everything
5. I will leave that one off
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:50 am
…hey Rell…you were banned?
P90X can kiss my grits…i have a problem with Tony and all those jumps…that class will make a believer out of ya.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:51 am
Rell – Yeah Tony is extra corny though but I like the Yoga.. Its hard to get thru a hour dvd though..
Professor~Let it Snow (sing it with me)
January 7th, 2010
9:52 am
Blogging WITHOUT MY COFFEE I meant I would NOT, NO WAY IN HELL STAY AROUND FOR ROUND 2 of
SlimOne...just call me Nicety!
January 7th, 2010
9:54 am
INFAMOUS – So how do you think things would change if women began to less forgiving and adamant about not wanting to work things out after every discretion committed by men??
Dan - just....because
January 7th, 2010
9:55 am
@Slim
We’d learn to hide it better..(re: ur 9:54)
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:57 am
SlimOne – Why is it that the forgived are always the ones that can’t forgive?
baffles me….
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
9:58 am
the ones that have been “forgiven”…
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:58 am
Slim – Fortunately its in ya’lls DNA to forgive, nuture and fix our broken a$$es.. Hee hee
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
9:59 am
Dan – I concur.. We would learn how to cheat like them and be really really careful and discreet
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
9:59 am
WillieD, when I see this type of stuff on TV or hear about it with someone I know personally I can’t help but to wonder how I would react in that situation. At that moment, or rather this moment, I know that I would be very hurt. But I really don’t know what I would do if confronted with it. Would I find it in my heart to forgive him and stay with him? Would I think about it every day? Would I get sick to my stomach every time he touches or attempt to touch me? What would it be that would make me forgive and forget? Would I ever be truly able to forgive and forget? Would I walk away never looking back?
Those are questions that I really don’t know the answers to. Just thinking about it right now I know it would be over. But 5, 10, 20 years from now what would I do? I don’t know.
East Point's Own
January 7th, 2010
10:00 am
In general I think men are less forgiving when women cheat because when women cheat usually its because she has developed emotional ties/feelings for the other man , and we can’t reallly accept that. Men cheat because a woman looked good and we could care less about her beyond what she can do for us in the bedroom, 9 times out of 10.
In our minds having sex with no eemotion attached is not as bad as having strong emotional feelings toward another person, even if no sex is involved.
Http://hispointofview.com
Melo
January 7th, 2010
10:03 am
So how do you think things would change if women began to less forgiving and adamant about not wanting to work things out after every discretion committed by men??
we wld have more lesbos!
Lady J
January 7th, 2010
10:03 am
Right on Professor…You learn, grow, and move on with built up anger which in turn won’t open up other doors bc the anger of the past….yes anger and not forgiving will yeild not pleasent results…
Thunderlips da ultimate male
January 7th, 2010
10:03 am
@cemelli…i love it all…i wake up in the morning and do i…and i do it when i get home..thats that bootcamp ish i like…and yes i was banned i could not post for a couple of weeks…guess i said the wroing thing to the wrong person
@dk…yea that yoga is a beast..but an hour is not that long…it flys by to me…i love it
Raqi...Half Way Thru the Challenge
January 7th, 2010
10:05 am
because when women cheat usually its because she has developed emotional ties/feelings for the other man
EastPoint, in other words you men have a hard time accepting that your woman has found someone better than you all around.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
10:05 am
EPO – Thats it exactly.. When a woman cheats its emotional..
Melo
January 7th, 2010
10:06 am
But 5, 10, 20 years from now what would I do? I don’t know.
u wld be facing the same dilemna a lot of ur women folk face,staying,still getting humped by him but pouting about it eve now and then,like u women folk do…
Uall find relief in talking,esp to ur friends…but the world will continue to spin!
Some things neva change Raqi!
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR WATCH N LEARN
January 7th, 2010
10:07 am
Raqi – Doesnt mean he’s better just means she bought into his game or the dream he’s weaved for her..
Cemeeli
January 7th, 2010
10:07 am
In our minds having sex with no emotion attached is not as bad as having strong emotional feelings toward another person, even if no sex is involved.
They both are wrong, both is cheating…and it’s some BS.
Melo
January 7th, 2010
10:08 am
LadyJ..u watched The soloist starring Jammie foxx??..watched it over the holidays..broght tears to my eyes,thinking ’bout my brother!
Hey blog fam./Proff!