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Archive for January, 2010

Ring Barrier

Getting engaged should be an exciting and happy experience. The woman has the easy part, she just has to be happy and say yes. The gentleman, however, has to navigate all that comes with proposing. Talking to the parents (if he so desires), plotting out the proposal plans, and ring shopping.

I didn’t realize how much guys worry about engagement rings. A friend of mine said that he did not want to disappoint his girlfriend so he made sure to get her sister involved. My co-worker said that his wife didn’t like the engagement ring he selected and she told him as much.  They nearly broke up because of it.  I know of another couple who delayed their engagement until they could afford the ring she they wanted.

Perhaps I just don’t get it,  but what is it about rings that can cause so much stress? It’s supposed to just be a symbol of a couple’s love and commitment, isn’t it?

Have you ever had a ring cause a breakup? What is the “proper” etiquette for women who receive rings they …

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The Tipping Point

It is so easy to get stuck in a relationship that is not going anywhere. Trust me, it happens all the time, even when you have said that you aren’t “dating just to be dating”. Somehow complacency sets in, red flags get ignored, and before long you both reach your tipping point.

When a new romance reaches its tipping point, one or both of you are faced with choices to make. You can communicate and express your needs and desires to redefine your connection, or you can cut your losses and move on.

The tricky part (to me) is figuring out when to salvage the relationship and when to chuck the deuces and move on. When there are no major hurdles for you to cross, shouldn’t you want to work out personality clashes?

Is it possible that reaching a “tipping point” is just another relationship milestone to reach? Don’t some couples go through it and come out stronger than they were before?

Have you ever dated someone and things were going “alright”, but just got a little stagnant? …

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Numbers Don’t Lie

Men lie, women lie, but numbers don’t. You’ve probably heard it in a rap song or acceptance speech before. I overheard it while having drinks with a friend at Drinkstory at the W Hotel. I perked up when I heard a group of people talking about a woman who “smashed the homies” (i.e. slept with friend of a lover). One of the guys, who was clearly a statistician or something, actually broke down the probability of this woman’s “magic number” being higher than theirs.

I am always highly amused how that old double standard works when it comes to this kind of thing. That whole “lady in the street, freak in the bedroom” mantra all but disappears if a man decides (for whatever reason) that the lady/freak has a number that puts him on edge.

I believe we all have our own personal beliefs, morals, and values when it comes to our magic numbers. Some of us judge people by them and others simply just worry about what the person’s behavior is present day. What is the bottom line for …

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Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

No, today’s post title is not related to my dating misadventures! Thankfully, the phase of dating hideous boys ended in my 20s.  Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, written by David Foster Wallace (RIP), was a collection of short stories in which men were interviewed about their attitudes and behaviors with women.

The book was adapted into a film of the same name, directed by The Office actor,  John Krasinski. I should have read the book first because I would be interested to see more of how David Foster Wallace drew conclusions about masculinity, what it means to be a man, and fatherhood.

A few of the interviews were meant to be humorous, but some were thought-provoking. The film explores the sometimes “dark” male interactions with women. What struck me most was the kind of emotions that actually drove their behavior. I know some men like to proclaim that they are simple in their wants and needs. I can’t argue that point much, but I would take it further and say that the …

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Billboard of Shame

If you happened to have missed the headlines last week, Atlanta was one of the cities included in the “vengeance by billboard” by YaVaugnie Wilkins.

Billboard
Photo Credit: AJC

There is certainly a lot that is not being told about the couple’s history. Mr. Phillips made his public statement about an 8-year relationship with Ms. Wilkins. I think what struck me the most was how a relationship ends up like this after such a long time.

The whole saga seems deeper than “hell hath no fury”. Maybe it is a cautionary tale about how well we know the people we are dating or committed to. Do you think a person can conceal an entire marriage without showing any signs?

What happens when someone is not the person they portray themselves to be? If you found out that you had been dating a married person, how would you react?

What is it about love gone wrong that makes us want to exact revenge, anyway? Have you ever gone out of your way to humiliate or embarrass someone who betrayed you? Did it …

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It’s Your Own Fault

A  group of us met up for dinner recently at Flip Burger Boutique to catch up with each other and nosh on some food.  It didn’t take long before the topic turned to dating and sex.  (They  like to blame this on me, but I am rarely the one to bring it up).

Shauna was complaining about the fact that she was let down with how her new man “performed”.  I thought she should cut him some slack. Things could improve and he probably was just as disappointed as she was.  She said she wasn’t going to mention anything to him because she didn’t want to come across as bossy in bed.

One of the men told her  not to let it go on for too long.  If she ended up in a relationship with a man that didn’t satisfy her, it would be her own fault, not his. Of course, this sparked a debate about who was responsible for bad sex people are having.

Do you blame the people who lack bedroom skills or their partners that don’t tell them?

Of course the central argument for some was that people fake …

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More Money, More Men?

One of our readers, “Anonymousella”, brought my attention to a recent NY Times article, More Men Marrying Wealthier Women.  I couldn’t stifle the snark, I’m sorry.  My first thought was, what took them so long!? Then I wondered exactly how many times my friends and I have discussed the real issues that would come with dating a less than successful man.

Just even typing that makes me cringe, because successful is one of those social code words for rich, wealthy, powerful. Women get criticized for wanting a man who is successful. We also get criticized for putting up with men who clearly have no ambition.  I’m not trying to be whiny, here. I’m just pointing out the fact that this is why a lot of single women have to drown out the crazy mixed “messages” about what we should and should not want in a mate.

I am curious about what messages men get from society (media?), family, or friends.  Would you ever hear criticism from anyone if you dated or married a woman who was not …

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Met The One, Now What?

I haven’t been dating just for kicks and giggles.  The good and bad (and traumatizing) experiences are all a part of meeting the one person that is truly right for me.  When Mr. Right For Me shows up, I pretty much just have one main goal: don’t screw it up.  Of course, it’s way more complicated than that.  There will be compromise and loads of patience (patience mostly on his part) and actual work that would be involved.

A lot of us aren’t ready for love, even though we think we are.  How do you know for sure that you are? If you met the person you think is meant for you, are you prepared to do the work? It won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, so as New Edition used to sing, Can You Stand the Rain? Sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth.  We are so used to bailing out when things don’t work for us, how are we working now to make sure we can make a relationship last?

Do you think there are things we can do while we are single to prepare us for a relationship? What about …

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Flirting or Friendly?

I’m not the type that thinks a man is always trying to hit on me when he pays me a little attention. Sometimes, a guy is genuinely being kind or chivalrous.  This also means that I have probably missed a couple of flirting signals.

I can tell when a guy is “checking me out” as it were, but flirting..well, let’s just say that guys have told me they had to work overtime before I realized they were actually flirting with me.  I am talking about the type of flirting that should alert me to the fact that they were interested.

How can a woman tell a man is flirting with her? What are the signs?

Guys, are there times when you are really just being cordial or friendly? Should women take any male interaction as a sign he is interested or attracted?  How do women distinguish from a friendly encounter to a flirty one?

Ladies, do you have a hard time recognizing flirtatious behavior from men? Does it ever come across as  random “peacock” behavior when they are showing off whatever asset …

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Lucky to Have You

I once read that relationships are like blenders, you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.  I know we all go through bad dates or relationship stress sometimes.   Of course it’s not always easy to relate to one another but that’s perfectly normal and to be expected. There are probably moments when we want to throw in the towel and give up.

The truth is, we are lucky to have each other.  I can honestly say showing appreciation and gratitude to your partner or date can go a long way.  Even if you don’t express it in words, you can find a way to let them know that you feel fortunate to be with them. I would think this adds more potential to your budding romance or add more shelf-life to your relationship .

Why do you think we are lucky to have each other?  How do you show how it?

Happy Friday! What fun and exciting things do you guys have planned?

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