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Archive for December, 2009

Go Deeper

One of the best part of going out with someone new is exploring their personality.  Not only are you putting in face time to determine how strong your attraction is, you also get to discover the way they think.

When things are going well, you move past the shallow conversations and small talk. I love to go deeper in conversations and find out how much we are alike, how we differ, and even learn something new.

Once you go below the surface, you find out what a person is truly passionate about. In my experience, this is how you manage to get to a second and third dates.  You both are so captivated by the conversation, you can’t wait for another opportunity to, well go deeper!

It is always a great sign when you can have a great discussion with someone you are attracted to.  I think that a person’s dating conversation can make or break a date.  Have you ever been  on a second date with someone whose conversation left you confused, annoyed, or bored? Trust me, if you struggle with …

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Tone down your sexy

It is really interesting how things shift once you get into a serious relationship.  The very thing that has drawn you to someone, suddenly is a big problem. Perhaps the best example of this is when a man meets a really sexy woman and once she becomes his, he isn’t comfortable with her displaying her beauty as much.

Raqi sent me an interesting article that mentioned singer Shakira and her boyfriend.  Apparently, Shakira’s man saw a recent video of her dancing in a cage in a neutral colored bodysuit.  He made a remark about how she needed to “put some clothes on” and tone it down a bit. I’m assuming that when he met her, she was no wallflower. This is the “hips don’t lie” girl, right?

Raqi wrote: “We know that men are very visual when it comes to their attraction to women.  It’s what they see that initially attracts them.  So what happens after you two have formed a relationship and he tells you that he now wants you to dress less sexy? It’s now a matter of “For his eyes …

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Men of a Certain Age

Last night, TNT premiered it’s new one-hour show, Men of a Certain Age, starring Ray Romano, Andre Braugher, and Scott Bakula.
Men of A Certain Age
Photo Credit: TNT

I haven’t seen the pilot show yet but it certainly looks promising, if just for the peek into a fictional male psyche, alone. There are a lot of things men simply don’t speak about publicly (or to womenfolk): their insecurities, frustrations, or motivation of why they do what they do.

When it comes to getting older, men are notorious for reacting in the most bizarre and outrageous ways*. Hey, I’m not judging, I’m just saying. What is it about getting older that “men of a certain age” seem to struggle with the most?

That will probably be the most captivating part of the show, gaining some insight into what some men have to deal with as they get older. Not to mention, how women and their relationships with us fits into everything.

After dating a younger guy, I admit that there are differences in dating “men of a certain age”  but I …

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Afraid to Settle Down?

A lot of single people are going to be faced with pushy relatives this holiday season. The ones that always want to comment on the fact that you are still unmarried. I think that the general consensus is that a lot of them think that single people are really just afraid to settle down.

There may be some truth to this. I think a lot of us are. I just wonder how much of our fear of settling down is real and how much is fantasy.  What do we really think about being with the same person for the rest of our lives?

We hear horror stories about marriage and long term commitment, but we also hear (and live through) horror stories about dating! Why do you think we let that stop us?

Are you afraid to settle down? What is your biggest fear about it? Where did this fear come from?

How do we know if what we are concerned about the most is real or our imagination?

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Stop That, It’s Creepy

Somewhere on your dating resume, you may have been given the title: The Creepy One. It begins when, for some strange and inexplicable reason, you start to exhibit weird dating behavior.  It is highly likely that many of us aren’t even aware of it when it’s happening.  I think we are completely oblivious about how we are coming across sometimes.

What do you think should be on the “Stop That, It’s Creepy” list? You know what they say, when we know better, we date better, right!?

Ok, I will start with the creepy behavior I have been guilty of:

Miss Pop-up. When a guy I was seeing hadn’t invited me over I made a surprise visit. I showed up, uninvited and unexpected.  It was just driving me nuts that I hadn’t seen the inside of his place.  Turned out, he simply was renovating. He was nice enough to entertain my foolishness, but I know I gave him the “creepy chick” vibe.

Ladies, stop doing drive-bys or showing up to a guy’s place uninvited. It’s creepy. In fact, if you are too nosy …

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This Time I Want It All

Have you ever taken the time to think about your past relationships to realize what exactly went wrong?  In some cases, I can pinpoint the moment I figured out the person wasn’t right for me, yet it was not the moment I ended things.

When we are single and dating, we are collecting data about who we think is a good fit for us.  It wasn’t until I dated a really impatient man when I decided that patience is something I truly like in a man.  Now that I have been ignored by a “really busy” boyfriend, I can say with certainty that I appreciate the man that has balance and makes time for what is important.

You see where I’m going with this?  We may have endured tough times on the dating scene but it wasn’t a complete waste of time.  We should take all that we have learned about ourselves and other people to make the best choices in selecting a mate.

When it is time and the right person comes along, there will be no settling.  There should be no confusion, apprehension, fear, or …

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Boyfriends are NOT recyclable

Recycling may be great for the environment but it can do major damage on your love life.  Against our better judgments, we sometimes return to old flames and rekindle a romance.  Sometimes it’s for nostalgia’s sake, other times it’s out of loneliness.  A lot of people seriously consider it for the sake of the children.

I wish I could say that it worked for me but it hasn’t, ever. I tried.  Like, three times…with the same guy.  Yeah no, I don’t recommend it at all. Maybe I’m in the minority, though.  Is it ever a good idea to reunite with someone from your past? Isn’t it so so tempting to do so?  Especially when old feelings haven’t completely faded away; or worse they come barreling towards you after a random sighting.

Have you ever gotten back together with a former wife/husband/ or former significant other? If so, how did it work out?  What drew you back to the person?

How long does it usually take before you remember the exact reason you two broke up the first time? In my …

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Bad Romance

It doesn’t matter how many times Lady Gaga sings it, being caught in a bad romance is like being stuck on a broken carousel being operated by an evil clown. The worst part of it is that we willingly hop on the ride and subject ourselves to the vicious cycle of drama.

You know what they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem. So admit it.  The bad romances you end up with is partly because you are attracting what you are putting out there.  When you have low self-esteem, lack confidence and believe that you don’t deserve better, you don’t get any better. This shows in the choices you make in people that you let occupy your mental space and time.

I was guilty of doing this and it wasn’t until I figured out how great I am  (no, seriously I was slow to realize it) that I started to discover what it was like to date someone else who is great. I had to go through too many bad romances but you don’t have to!

First, how do you define a bad romance? How do you know when …

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