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Tis the Season

Brace yourself singles! The forecast calls for a cold winter, which translates into the cold AND dry season for some of us on the dating scene. Dating dry spells are prevalent this time of year as our prospects dry up.  If spring didn’t bring you a fling, and fall hasn’t delivered your dream guy or girl, then the next couple of months can be REALLY cold.

When you add in the ever so lovely Seasonal Affective Disorder (yes, it’s literally **SAD!**), you can find yourself in a seriously funky mood that’s hard to shake, making your dry spell last even longer. Nobody wants to date a buzzkill, no matter how hot you are!

So what is a single to do? Well you may have to get a bit creative. My friend Jamie has decided to entertain in her home more. She will send out evites to friends, associates, and old flames to gather at her home for different activities: game night, chilli get togethers, or sports nights. They are encouraged to bring a pal so that the male-female ratio is ideal. These social gatherings could produce new potential dates or at the very least, a new target for her flirting. I am looking forward to attending too!

Have you ever experienced a dating dry spell? What is the longest dry spell you have endured? How did you snap out of it? What causes us to get in these dating ruts?

I think a lot of bad dating choices are partly due to single people trying to get out of their dry spell. Taking applications for a maintenance man or arranging a “friends with benefits” may not always do the trick, either.  Have you made any bad moves in an effort to end your dry spell?

If you could create a survival guide for those who are unhappily in a dating dry spell, what tips would you have?

64 comments Add your comment

2CPTG......"ain't no drought on this side of town"

December 28th, 2009
9:03 am

Just because it’s cold outside, don’t mean it’s cold inside, somewhere….get outta the house! go somewhere where you know folks gon’ migrate…..and dry spell? what’s that?????

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
9:44 am

Good morning everyone! One shouldn’t look at it as a dry spell. Just haven’t found that one to cuddle up with isn’t necessarily a negative. Personally, I plan on mingling with friends and having fun. It really is that simple.

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
10:07 am

Three Words Daily – Find your inspiration.

czBrat

December 28th, 2009
10:13 am

GM All!

agreed. it’s what you make of it. why whine about being single when there is still so much to do and so many people to share your time with? i’m luvin the idea of the at-home gatherings. the circle of friends should alternate hosting, too. before you know it, you’ll all be looking forward to the winter months each year.

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
10:16 am

What is the longest dry spell you have endured? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

If you could create a survival guide for those who are unhappily in a dating dry spell, what tips would you have? Here’s my top 10:

1. Stay active
2. Stay away from too much alcohol
3. Take Dance classes (it does wonders for your psyche)
4. Have a hobby that you love
5. Love yourself and don’t let not having a mate stop you from enjoying life.
6. Keep your appearance up.
7. No “woe is me” guilt trips!!!
8. Hangout with friends or even by yourself.
9. Laugh, laugh, laugh
10. Stay true to yourself! Don’t force anything. (Wait, that’s what a dry spell dictates, a little force!) :lol: :cool: :lol:

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
10:18 am

Good Morning.

The longest dry spell I had was four three years.

I will say that when it was very cold out the idea of being out mixing and mingle did not seem that inviting.

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
10:20 am

Never thought of dating-less periods as dry spells. It’s always been by choice, trust.

And my advice for making it through date free periods in your life is pretty close to what I would advise when you are dating…Do you. Stay active. Live your fullest life. And so on, so on, cliche, cliche…and all that.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
10:23 am

SexyCool, what does DTM mean?

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
10:26 am

My parents bought me a Kindle for Christmas. I had determined that it was a piece of technology that I had no interest in owning.

I now have to learn all of it’s features and determine whether I will use it enough to get their money’s worth out of it.

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
10:28 am

DTM – Do Too Much or Doing Too Much – I get it from Dan. ~lol~

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
10:51 am

@SCool ~ I heard those Kindles are excellent reading tools (according to Oprah).

TexasBoy

December 28th, 2009
10:57 am

I agree with everythng Leggs listed except for # 2. That’s what will end a dry spell real quick!

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
10:59 am

SexyCool and Leggs, my sister has one of those. She likes it.

I have to say just not wanting to get out there in the cold today I can see where it had some affect on my mingling back in the day. Just getting out with no particulars in mind is not pretty as opposed to Wise’s friend idea of hosting events at your house and folks knowing where they are going and what they are going to be doing.

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
10:59 am

So, I’ve heard, Leggs. I just don’t read as much as I used to. But, I guess I’m about to start.

East Point's Own

December 28th, 2009
11:07 am

Why is it that a lot of women tend to stay home in the winter, they go to work, shopping, some go to church…. but that’s about it. It’s like they have no social life until spring rolls around. If you are miserable being alone then you have to consider being slightly uncomfortable until your car warms up, and that brief walk from the car to the door of some establishment. Is cold weather really that bad? Is experiencing cold weather worse than having no social life?

http://hispointofview.com

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
11:30 am

EastPoint, I am allergic to cold weather. However it did not prevent me from having a social life. LOL

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
11:33 am

@Raqi ~ I definitely understand about the cold. I do not like being cold, and I too have let the cold stop me from going out. It’s such a convenient excuse. But, like EPO’s question, I won’t let it stop me from having NO social life. Hell, some of my best times have been stuck in snow storms over friends houses or somewhere dancing and a cold winter’s thunderstorm erupted.

@TexasBoy ~ #2 surely can end a dry spell, but more often than not, regret sets in after the alcohol wears off. Who wants to blame it on the al ka al ka al kaaa hawl….. (I have no idea how to type that)!!

Tazzee

December 28th, 2009
11:43 am

Morning Folks!

In terms of dating, most of my adult life was a ‘dry spell’ I never dated much so actually dating was unusual for me. But I’ve always been an active person so I was never bored.

SCool – I haven’t been reading as much either. I think I’m finally going to make that trip to the library after work today.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
11:44 am

Leggs, what East Point doesn’t understand is where the cold may have prevented me from going out just because, it did not prevent me from attending social gathering that I may have been invited to. Just like now I am more than likely to bring my lunch with me rather than go out because it is cold out. However I will take a friend up on an offer to treat me to lunch. The same was true when I was dating.

In the warmer months I would just get out to be getting out. When it was colder not so much. That didn’t mean I had no social life.

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
11:51 am

That’s where I am with it. Going out just to ‘be out and about’ when it’s cold. I’ll pass on that. However, if I have somewhere to be or something to do, it’ll get done.

But being out in traffic just so that I’m not sitting at home alone and it’s 26degrees outside. Not my thing.

Besides, I have plenty of things at home to keep me busy and other things to keep me entertained.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 28th, 2009
11:56 am

Whats up blog. Still in Chicago. Ordered a new dating book and looking forward to reading it.

I have definately hit my share of dating slumps and times where things slow down. Living in Atlanta, its crazy because my last 2 serious relationships, I met them within the 1st quarter of the new year.

Thats why I like to take this Chicago break because I get a chance to detox and make adjustments before I get back to Atlanta and the dating scene.

My survival guide would be to just keep working out, switch up your hangouts, and also dont let friends stop you from going out. There are always people flaking out!

Just have fun and no serious expectations and see what happens. Dont be scared!

East Point's Own

December 28th, 2009
12:03 pm

What I am saying is that if you are single, and no one has invited you out…and you are not happy being home alone occupying your time on your own you only have 3 options:
1. Call someone and invite them out (or over)
2. Go out just because
3. Sit at home and shut up, because nobody wants to hear you complaining…

And since when did I point any elbows at anybody? I wasn’t talking about nobody in particular round here…

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
12:09 pm

I don’t think anybody thought you did, EPO. Trust, last winter, after I put Shthead out, I went out every night for 30nights straight – from mid-December to mid-January. And to this day, can’t tell you sht about the weather, but can tell you all about the fun I had.

Speaking of Shthead, he texted me on Christmas eve. After I politely pointed out that I had no desire to maintain contact with him, he sent me a couple of childishly nasty text messages. Apparently, he’s been keeping up with my life via Facebook and attempted to dog everything from and I quote my “hairstyles, boyfriend, social life and occupation.”

Willie Dynamite

December 28th, 2009
12:14 pm

Afternoon All,

Hope everyone’s Christmas was as good as you wanted it to be.

On Topic – Seriously what is a Dating dry spell. I’ve never known anyone especially a Women to not be able to date whenever she wanted. Heyal a women can go to QT and within a few minutes line up a few dates. If anything the Dry spell would indicate maybe not being able to have a SO or something serious up to their standards.
I would encourage anyone having a “Dry Spell” to break out of your comfort zone and do something different. You just might like it.

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
12:14 pm

EPO, no one thought you were pointing elbows. You asked a question and a few answered.

Now, if no one has invited me out, I’m not happy being home cuz I’m bored, and it’s freezing outside I will still opt to remain at home. It’s up to me to find a way out of being bored. There are many things to do even if I don’t want to do them. Being bored and being out in the cold are one and the same at times!

Dan

December 28th, 2009
12:17 pm

@SC

That phrase is appropriate more often than not..

On topic:
I usually spend the winter getting out (and then back in) shape. So my winter evenings – that start really early – are filled with me in the gym through the week, and with a fellow gym rat on the weekend (fellas, the real winners be in the gym beyond January).

Just stopped by to check in, vacation is a beautiful thing.

Hope everyone has/will have a wonderful holiday! See y’all in 2010!!!

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
12:18 pm

Hello, WillieD!

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
12:25 pm

I think the most prominent places for hanging out just because during the cold weather months are the coffee shops and book stores. Those are two pretty cozy places. The thing is if you are not a real “reader” you will stick out like a sore thumb in a book store. The same with the coffee shops. And why take up seats from people who really want to be there to enjoy what the places really have to offer other than a warm body for the winter. That’s why getting out and about is more doable in the warmer weathers. There are more options for just hanging out.

I looked at all the people at the mall when I was out doing some last minute shopping Thursday. It was really easy to pick out the folks that were just taking up space from those that were there shopping and/or waiting for someone that was shopping. At food court in the mall you could barely find a seat because of people just hanging out. It gets aggravating. Yeah I was one of those when I was a teenager but the age of the hanger-outers are getting older by the year. Now I would say it is those people that do not have social lives…the ones that just hang around for hours in day hoping to maybe stumble onto someone who just might be interested in maybe giving them the possible time of day.

It’s not like hanging out at the beach or the park or around the pool.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
12:27 pm

From October to January is centered around the holidays so attending parties and other social gatherings hosted by friends, family and associates is the best way to go.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
12:28 pm

SexyCool, do you think he will try to make trouble for you in your relationship with YND?

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
12:30 pm

Naw…He was just being a dckhead because he thought we were about to have this cute little text reunion and when I told him to fckoff, his feelings were hurt.

As my grandma would say, “I ain’t stud’n him.”

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
12:37 pm

@Raqi ~ too funny! While out I too watched those at the food court smirking to myself knowing full well many were there to people watch, scheme and some watchers had lustful eyes. It was easy to pick them out.

@SCool ~ I got a text my ex saying “This is the last year I’m spending the holidays to myself!” I had nothing to say so I poured myself a glass of wine, wrapped my blanket around me and finished watching “The Notebook.” Loved the movie!

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
12:38 pm

Just got back to work today and by boss left 2 tickets to Georgia Tech game tomorrow. Any of you want them? Game is at 1:00 and they’re playing Winston-Salem.

Willie Dynamite

December 28th, 2009
12:52 pm

Hey Ms. Leggs.

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
12:59 pm

Hey WillieD ~ Hope you enjoyed your b-day. Are you still celebrating???

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
1:03 pm

The little lady and I were up pretty late last night and flipping thru the channels I caught a couple of episodes of Tough Love. I am so done with these shows putting the burden of being coupled up on the women. Hell all of those guys there were just as unattached as those women were.

I understand you have to be approachable to get approached but that darn show is not telling the whole truth. The guy did give a couple of the women some good advice but for the most part the show is telling those women that they are the only ones that have change and adjust to have any chance at a relationship. All the burden was put on the women.

One of the assignments tested their communication skills. What about the men and how well they communicate? To have a healthy lively relationship as a couple you have to both give positive gainful input. That show teeters on making women think they have to be the Imani Izzis to Prince Akeems.

One piece of good advice the host gave one lady that had an immediate connection with one of the men is she needs to make sure the attraction was not just a physical infatuation. They both feel for each other rather fast but I think she may of left her options open having seeing him in his environment. He is a cage wrestler and she got to see him do a stunt that I think stunted her. I fell asleep so I don’t know if she broke up with him or not. But I do have say if she did that was a strange reason to all of sudden not like someone.

I think the show would be better if the men were being “schooled” on what they need to do to find the perfect mate and maintain a good relationship also.

Tazzee

December 28th, 2009
1:11 pm

Raqi – I think the general consensus is that it’s the women that are lamenting over being relationship-less and therefore the women are the one’s that need to change to get a man…

lurker

December 28th, 2009
1:16 pm

2nd meeting scheduled with the exec I mentioned. I’m getting nervous now.

lurker

December 28th, 2009
1:19 pm

Told ya SexyCool, the best revenge is doing well. Another saying? He jess mad (not he’s just mad), he jess mad

SexyCool - My Parents DTM

December 28th, 2009
1:24 pm

@lurker – that’s it exactly.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
1:29 pm

Tazzee, I get that. That’s why I said you have to be approachable to get approached. But watching the episodes that I did see it needs to show both sides. Not just guys sitting back and the women having to come with it.

There were a few things that I did like. Now the best part I did see was when the women had to do sexy photo shots. They got to choose what they wanted to wear and do their own poses and the men got to see and critique the photos on their sexiness. They said a bunch of them were skanky and slutty. But the ones that the woman looked more natural not trying to overcompensate were the ones they found to be the sexiest. One of the shyest women actual got the best compliments for the sexiest photo.

Willie Dynamite

December 28th, 2009
1:47 pm

Leggs – I sure am still celebrating and will be for bout another week.

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
1:49 pm

“One of the shyest women actual got the best compliments for the sexiest photo.” Not surprised, not surprised.

Keep on keeping on, Mr. WillieD!

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
1:49 pm

Tazzee, check your mail.

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
1:52 pm

Happy Birthday Willie. When was your birthday and what did you do to celebrate?

Downtown Heffa

December 28th, 2009
1:56 pm

Have a Wii party! Invite some of your single friends and have them each bring a bottle of champagne. Eat, drink, and play all evening. The host may have to offer their place for sleepovers. If all fails, you can always go to church.

Willie Dynamite

December 28th, 2009
2:04 pm

Raqi – My B-day was last week and I spent the eve with my family in front of the fireplace chillin. Did you get the shoes and/or Blazer for Mase?

Raqi

December 28th, 2009
2:13 pm

Willie, I got him both. Plus the movie collection and the weather forecaster. You know what he said when he saw the weather forecaster? He said, “Wow this is nice. Now you don’t have to turn on the news to see the forecast”. In other words he is still going to ask me about the weather every morning. LOL

Willie Dynamite

December 28th, 2009
2:16 pm

Raqi – That was real nice of you. Told you he would still use you for the forecast.

Leggs – How did Oceannaire go with you and lil leggs?

Leggs

December 28th, 2009
2:30 pm

It was very nice, WilllieD. Love the decor of the place, especially their high-backed booths. Lil leggs noticed the birthday greeting to me on the menu before I did. That was a sweet touch! She was impressed when we walked in and was asked if she wanted to hang her coat up. She liked that. The funniest part was when she went to the restroom. She came out all smiles saying “mommy, mommy guess what. I was looking for the paper towels to dry my hands and there weren’t any….they have real towels.” OMG, I cracked up because she was in such disbelief. That was priceless! I can say this, the trout at Legal Seafood is 10x better than the trout at Oceanniare. But Ocennaire’s lump crab cake ($15.95) was OUTSTANDING! Lil leggs proved to be a greedy girl that evening. We both had a good time.