I Blame Hollywood
“I blame Hollywood,” Jeff said with a straight face. My buddy was trying to convince me that romantic comedies and films about love have contributed to relationship fantasies. He thinks they set us up for unrealistic expectations because we see what romance “looks like” on the big screen then feel let down when we don’t have the same thing.
I don’t know, I felt rather insulted. I consider myself pretty realistic. Do I love romance in films? Of course! Am I expecting the men I date to be the Darius Lovehall to my Nina Mosely (Love Jones)? Not so much!
I argued that if women have distorted views about relationships from romance films then men should consider their porn consumption. Some men watch porn and expect the same in real life. I know, it was a weak counter argument, but I kept a straight face anyway!
If men can distinguish from their sexual fantasies that are played out in porn, why can’t women do the same with romance in film? What do you guys think? Are romantic movies just “chick porn” as Jeff jokingly replied?
Is it hard to stay in reality when we are watching so much fantasy on tv and in film? Do you think our mass media consumption influences how we date and relate to each other?
Just for fun, what is your favorite romantic moment of a film or show?
Check out these great Cheap Date Ideas courtesy of our Atlanta Bargain Hunter, fun stuff!
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349 comments Add your comment
Dream_n~ I live in the real world
December 17th, 2009
10:12 am
@ Sassy
No, I’ve never seen that movie before..
@ Leggs- Notebook.. A definate must see
abc
December 17th, 2009
10:13 am
Dan, I do live up to that romantic ideal (well, at least a lot of the time). I believe that angels are real. People can have an ideal romance if they want to have it.
It’s a one-off deal for me, though. It’s only with this girl that I can be that way. Otherwise, I’m a grumpy, crabby, mean azz old man.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:13 am
I like Indecent Propasal!!!! The book too….
Professor~rocking a ponytail, again
December 17th, 2009
10:14 am
Off the record DreamsMaterialize you confuse me with my girl Dream_n. Shall I put a motion on the floor that no one can use either a part or whole of someone’s moniker? So who had the name first, or shall we flip a coin to decide on who keeps Dream in their moniker.
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
10:16 am
Professor, I just love to read….shoot, “Toxic Bachelors” was one of my favorites!!!
Beautiful
December 17th, 2009
10:16 am
@Prof
you read my mind. the other day i was thinkin’ that all monikers should be approved first before they start using it. lol.
DreamsM was first!
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:17 am
LMAO!
Raqi
December 17th, 2009
10:19 am
I do believe that art imitates life though. The only person that does not believe you can have true , sappy, over the top romance is one that has yet to experience it for real. It’s real. It doesn’t happen all day every day but it is real. Amid all the romance and mushiness life happens but you can still have genuine romance. You can still be silly sitting on the couch laughing to wee hours of the morning.
To state that two people cannot deeply and truly love each and give themselves to each other is way off base.
Dan
December 17th, 2009
10:19 am
@abc
I believe that people can have an ideal romance too. Just be realistic when it comes to expectations.
People try and fit others into some ideal, some version of what they think romance is, instead of accepting the man/woman for who (s)he is and rocking with that.
Raqi
December 17th, 2009
10:21 am
abc, From your statement I guess this line here “You make me want to be a better man” can rightfully be applied to how your lady makes you feel. That’s awesome.
Leggs
December 17th, 2009
10:22 am
I was tole I look mighty fetching this morning (LOLOLOL)
Wuthering Heights and The Great Gatsby were slow but very good movies. Another great romance movies was The Thorn Birds!
Dan
December 17th, 2009
10:24 am
@Raqi
As good as it gets is a really dope movie.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:25 am
Leggs what about The Birds and love it in Black and White!
I like ti milk
December 17th, 2009
10:27 am
hav plenty
love jones
crooklyn
brown sugar
hitch
i think i love my wife – real movie on how men think!!!!
coming to america
Mississippi Masala
Boomerang
She’s Gotta Have It
She hate me
love and basketball
the wood
the mack – lol
diary of a tired black man
the brothers
Leggs
December 17th, 2009
10:28 am
The Birds scared me shytless when it first came on.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:29 am
Hitch is soooooo cool!!!!!!!! Bad memories though the start of my seperation when that movie came out….Boy was I evil and angry then! LOL
Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 7 days til my birthday :-)
December 17th, 2009
10:29 am
Another great romance movies was The Thorn Birds!
Oooh lawd, chile! I remember first watching it with my mother and aunt when I was younger but saw it again recently as an adult and still loved it….especially now b/c I’ve seen/understood more than I did as a child.
Remember when she ran away to some beach and the Father/lover found her and they finally got it on….they were playing and frolicking on the in the sand like cherrn
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:29 am
Leggs it scares my mama to but the chilvary in that movie and romantic behavior is great!!!!!!!!:) The church scene is my favorite!
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
10:31 am
The Mack…..OK!….reminds me of a Pimp C lyric, “this ain’t bout no square love….”
Leggs
December 17th, 2009
10:37 am
@Sassy ~ yes, I remember that part (lol).
Happy Feet is a cute romance movie (lol).
Dan
December 17th, 2009
10:37 am
@2C
He!! you think PimpC got it from….
Dream_n~ I live in the real world
December 17th, 2009
10:40 am
Awww man Prof….
So what should my new name be????
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
10:40 am
Dan……coulda came from alotta them type flicks….The Mack, Super Fly, Wille Dynamite, etc…..or, he coulda read some Donald Goines, or IceBerg Slim books…….I’on know….
Professor~rocking a ponytail, again
December 17th, 2009
10:40 am
“Toxic Bachelors” was one of my favorites!!! That is a good one, too!
The Thorn Birds…yes I might watch that one next week
Raqi
December 17th, 2009
10:41 am
Dan, “As Good…” is one of the best movies. You have a guy that likes a woman but don’t really know how to express it. He was so rude yet really caring. I love it.
Professor~rocking a ponytail, again
December 17th, 2009
10:43 am
Dream~ I like you as Dream_n, so I will have to pay more attention while blogging. I know when you started blogging DreamM may have been inactive, but it is all good, because you usually add something to your moniker.
I used to love Donald Goines…Donald Writes No More was very sad especially the pics where they buried him with his books
MELO
December 17th, 2009
10:46 am
PS capabilities are not ideal,they are very attainable.. and i find it hard to belive that Raqi does not have those for her man..i really
Women luuuuuuuv some romance and feel good stuff..no wonder Lyfetime Movies is kaching with money.
Le Siren was on point..pple do follow and some really get phlucked about by movie nonsense.
Good morning folks!
I woke up really hungry this morning…..victim of nocturnal porn activity…..she really rode me hard,like im a slave mule!
Bacon and egg and some croissant,with coffee saved me.
Dan
December 17th, 2009
10:46 am
@Raqi
The scene that sealed that movie was the expression on his face (exhausted, frustrated, just….done) when he told her “you make me wanna be a better man”.
The (acting) effort in that scene was Oscar worthy. When next you watch it, look at his face that whole scene – Jack murdered that joint.
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
10:47 am
Someone esle wrote, “Donald Writes No More” ….but yeah, that was a good/sad book….that “boy” and that “girl” got the best of him……
looCyxeS
December 17th, 2009
10:49 am
Two Word Week – Live brave.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:52 am
likes SC!!!!!!
MELO
December 17th, 2009
10:53 am
Beep me when u talking about real stuff..dont watch movies!
Professor~rocking a ponytail, again
December 17th, 2009
10:53 am
2CPTG I know Donald did not write “Donald Writes No More” considering they had pics of him in the casket with his books. However I am not sure of the author I just remember after I read all of Donald’s books I read that book last and it took a lot out of me. Also I wonder who murdered him and you just know that the authorities were not interested in solving that crime.
Melo always tell us when he get some boo-tay! Melo, why do you share this…just curious
Free
December 17th, 2009
10:54 am
Interesting article, here is a snippet. Click the link for more:
http://abigbuttandasmile.com/2009/12/16/black-entertainment-news-the-elephant-in-the-room-sorry-black-women-but-most-of-yall/
Too many of the comments on these ‘lonely black woman’ articles boil down to one of three camps: The all black men are dogs camp. The black women need to get their act right camp. And the least expressed but most honest “it’s hard out there for a single black girl, but not impossible” camp. However none of these sentiments ever adequately address the great big ugly elephant in the room… you’re just not pretty enough.
No one wants to hear that, even if it is true.
The reality is if you’re a 5 with degrees (or a 6 or 7 or hell an 8 even) in a city like New York, LA, DC, Chicago or Atlanta where 10’s with the same credentials abound, you’re just not going to get a date very often, at least not from the type of man so many of the women in these articles express they want. Dating at the top of the food chain is cutthroat, dog eat dog, and if you’re not coming with the right weaponry, and for women that means stunning looks, it’s going to be a tough row to hoe. There’s no getting around that, no matter how much we may want it not to be true.
My advice: if you’re a living in a city full of 10’s your best bet is to move to (or date in) a city where the competition is less stiff. A 5 can become a 10 if moved to the right environment. And at the end of the day dating is all about positioning yourself to find the man you want.
Raqi
December 17th, 2009
10:55 am
Melo, porn is just so detached. It’s staged. The best porn, not that I like any of it however if a gun was put to my head and I had to confess, is amateur porn. Folks just going at it. Sweaty, awkward, clumsy, having to readjust and readjust again, stopping to go take leak…that’s more true to life. The moans and verbal exchange in main stream porn is just so stupid. It’s fake.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
10:57 am
a great laugh Free….smdh….lol
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
10:59 am
Professor, not that I know for sure, but heard it was one of his suppliers, whom he owed a lot of money to; that’s why he was taking major advances from his publishers, in order to supply his habit, and attempt to pay off his debts…..
looCyxeS
December 17th, 2009
10:59 am
Diskettes have apparently gone the way of the cassette tape.
Lady J
December 17th, 2009
11:01 am
hmmmm but pretty folk break up too and have drama and divorce….pretty enough has staying power you think….hmmmm ok…lololol
I like tit tay milk
December 17th, 2009
11:02 am
@free…i call BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLISH ON THAT BREAKDOWN
yes men are visual creatures…but thats not the hook….the hook is for a woman –
To be most effective, a woman should seem both in
need of protection and sexually excitable, giving the man his ultimate
fantasy – art of seduction
lurker
December 17th, 2009
11:02 am
There’s a dude that’s been trying for a while. Last night he got up the nerve and asked if I would take his number. Didn’t have a problem carrying some number in my wallet. So he’s selling, I’m cold but polite. He gets nervy and asks for my number. Honestly, I was caught off guard (that he asked), because usually he’s just all complimentary as I walk while keeping it moving, so, no I didn’t expect. Being polite, I gave but made it crystal clear and and reiterated (because he as asking to do lunch or dinner) being friends is all I can do with nothing “potentially” happening on the horizon. Well, I get a text a moment ago saying “good morning my queen” ummmm, NOT FEELING YOU LIKE THAT. Feeling bummed now because I explained, without holding back anything and now he’s gonna get his feelings hurt. I don’t do text messages number one and next imma have to put the ig on him. I’m especially turned off by advances from guys where I have absolutely no interest.
lurker
December 17th, 2009
11:04 am
Guess I need to put CCC next to his number so I’ll know to ignore from now on.
Leggs
December 17th, 2009
11:04 am
And pdfing is going the way of fax machines! It’s only a matter of time.
Dream_n~ I live in the real world
December 17th, 2009
11:04 am
@ Free
Thanx for the free laugh…
looCyxeS
December 17th, 2009
11:06 am
lurker – He saw you giving him the number as the “proverbial foot in the door.” He’s thinking, “Yeah. It’s only a matter of time.”
2CPTG...."art imitates life"..so they get that mess from somewhere!
December 17th, 2009
11:06 am
lurker, that’s what dudes be talkin about…..you know you ain’t feelin’ him like that…..why even bother? you set ya self up….knowin he was going to attempt some sort of communication….
looCyxeS
December 17th, 2009
11:07 am
As to the movies/movie scene deal, there are too many to name but at the same time, I can’t think of a single on that I would mention.
Tazzee
December 17th, 2009
11:07 am
Morning folks!
I’ve been guilty of wanting a relationship like the one’s on TV. But as I got older, I would watch most of those movies with a hefty dose of skepticism. Enjoying the movie while saying to myself (or my friend) “there’s no way that would happen in real life”
Now I find myself experiencing some of those things I thought never happened in real life
There is nothing romantic about having sand all over you. Never made love on a beach, but I can only imagine the sand that would get in you.
Leggs
December 17th, 2009
11:09 am
So why did you give him your number???
I like tit tay milk
December 17th, 2009
11:09 am
@lurker…attention wh ore!