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Asset or Liability

One thing I have long admired about (smart) men is that when they decide to commit to a woman, they usually know for sure the value she brings to his life.   They take calculated risks when it comes to determining whether a woman is an asset or a liability.

It may not sound all romantic and whimsical, but in reality it is.  Once a man sees that his woman is an asset, his connection with her becomes deeper.  I think women struggle with this concept sometimes. A lot of us determine asset/liability with different criteria then men do. It leads to us taking bigger risks then we probably should.

I am generalizing, of course, but I believe that women and men can both learn alot from each other when it comes to determining asset or liability of potential partners. For example, some women view a previous marriage as a liability, for whatever reason.  If someone has been married before, they are probably more likely to realistic expectations about marriage. This could actually be helpful when they marry again.

Men, what do you consider an asset?   Do you think you have taken more caution as you get older when it comes to taking a risk on someone?

Ladies, do you think women need to work harder to determine asset and liability of potential partners?  Do you think our emotions get in the way or are they helpful? What type of things do you consider as assets?

Do you think you would be an asset or a liability in a new relationship?

323 comments Add your comment

Raqi

December 16th, 2009
8:41 am

Very Good Topic WiseDiva.

We often think within ourselves about how much of a great catch we are. But the real question is how much of an asset or liability does one that has the option of choosing us for mates think we are. Is what we have to offer worth anything to the one choosing.

I agree with considering what a person will add to or take away from our lives and livelihood before committing.

My husband and I are enhancers of each other’s happiness and peace. I don’t believe that he would have chosen me if he didn’t see where I would be an asset to him. He is a man that is about his business and he considers all ins and outs before signing on the dotted line when it comes to his welfare. Just being with him these 8-1/2 years I know that he approaches every “risk” the same as he does his business. I too weighed the pros and cons of having him in my life.

If two people cannot be an adequate support system for each other there is a great chance one will at sometime feel like a liability to the other.

Now this doesn’t mean all things will always go well, but in the big picture you will be worth something to that person being in their life and them in yours.

Dan

December 16th, 2009
8:42 am

An oral fixation on a woman is always an asset….

Like she’s always got something in/near her mouth……[Homer Simpson drool]gaaahhhaahhh

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
8:48 am

I don’t care how much we rave and dote on our own self-worth and abilities, what is it worth to others. Who will be willing to buy into your plan or invest in your greatness?

Dan

December 16th, 2009
8:55 am

@Raqi

That’s not the point “rav[ing] and dote[ing]” about ourselves.

Self- improvement should be the goal and if you find someone that like who you are – great. But marketing for someone to invest in my greatness doesn’t make sense.

My ‘greatness’, like my happiness is my define and cultivate.

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
8:56 am

We often see couples and wonder “What is he with her?” “What does she see in him”, obviously something they think will fulfill a need or desire. There is more than one stock option out there. Every wo/man has to invest in the one they feel will yield the greatest benefit or gain.

While relationships are said to be mostly about giving, giving of oneself, it is a truth that we give to that which brings us reward.

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:02 am

Dan, who said anything about marketing? I said exactly the opposite. I said I don’t care how much you may feel within yourself that you are great, how much of an asset will your greatness be to someone else.

Hell we all think we are the bees knees. However had I not felt that my husband could add to what I was already working with, no matter what he thinks about himself I would not have chosen him.

It’s not marketing, it’s just being who you are and an interested party gets in on it.

Dream_n~ A grand catch!!

December 16th, 2009
9:03 am

GM All,

Liability or Asset???

I’ll take asset for $100 Alex!

Morning All!

Dan

December 16th, 2009
9:08 am

@Raqi

I took your “invest in [my] greatness” comment to mean marketing. I mean, I’d have to offer her a prospectus (showing her the return average and possibility of loss) first right?

As for the cost/benefit analysis (CBA) we all do that for each relationship in our lives, personal and professional.

Agreed that sometime my value may not align with her balance sheet needs, and vice versa.

Dream_n~ A grand catch!!

December 16th, 2009
9:15 am

Is it wrong to think highly of myself????
Naw…

I’m not looking for someone to complete me (in a sense). I would need someone to add to my value. Nothing wrong with looking at yourself as a hot commodity… Cause I do..

mqew

December 16th, 2009
9:19 am

Do ladies need to work harder to determine someone else’s Asset/Liability potential… (Is that what you just asked us?)
Uhhh, I’mma go with NO!!

First of all that sentence rings a little retarded to me. Why would I work harder to determine anyone’s anything. People’s actions always speak louder than words, so thats unnecessary work. Secondly, I need to work harder on me and mine always and forever. I need to secure my ‘assets’, not worry about determining others!!!

How many people would actually admit that they would be a liability?

All the liabilities, pleas raise your hand high :lol:

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:26 am

Mqew, I am your purest shade of fabulous, however I don’t doubt that I would be a liability to someone who doesn’t get me.

All my of quirks (as ForReal like to point out) and crevices can be off putting to someone who can’t get with what I am working with.

As life has it, not every man wants a ‘Raqi’.

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:36 am

And I think every man and woman needs to work harder at determining the asset and liabilities of others as it pertains to inviting them into their lives. It’s a matter of logical thinking instead of warm, fuzzy emotions.

So many go into it (it being commitments) based on romantic euphoria alone, or just on a whim, later to find out that person takes away from you (emotionally, mentally, financially, physically) instead of adding. Been there, done that.

Yeah if more took the time to determine and weigh the probability of assets and liability there would be less heartache and aggravation down the line.

Have you not ever ended a relationship with someone that pulled you down and asked yourself “how did I miss that”?

mqew

December 16th, 2009
9:37 am

Raqi – In my world (btw, the sky is pink and blue there all the time) everyone wants me. :lol: :lol: :lol:

But, I gotcha.

SexyCool

December 16th, 2009
9:39 am

Two Word Week – Stay encouraged.

abc

December 16th, 2009
9:42 am

I’m not so sure that a balance sheet metaphor is really very useful. As if, she’s impatient and mad at me a lot, but a great cook; a good financial head, but over-commits herself all the time; plus this, minus that. I think it’s more intuitive than that. Too many negatives kill the joy, and there’s no love without joy.

Cemeeli

December 16th, 2009
9:44 am

…hello…

I wouldn’t say that women “need” to work harder to decide if someone is quality. However, we should master or own insecurities.…’cause truly, at the end of the day, water really does seeks it’s on level.

Be content ‘n happy with who you are, and when it comes to others looking to see if you’d be a “liabilty” or an asset…just let the chips fall where they may. keep living.

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:44 am

the sky is pink and blue there all the time

LMBO

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 16th, 2009
9:44 am

Good day.

I have been thinking about this lately and was thinking us guys need to demand more from the women we date. I think guys are so blinded. The issue is alot of guys are not requiring the women they deal with to bring more to the table than just CURVES & A WEAVE. We really need to drill down to the core and see what she is bringing to the table. If she is not bringing something to your table, she is taking something away from your table.

The main thing I consider an asset is potential. I am interested to see where she is going and not really hung up on where she is. Yes I want the bare minimuals but I will take a humble woman who is going somewhere over an arrogant prick who is already there. I am not a fan of women with kids and to me personally that is a liability and a blended family can be difficult to deal with.

I think I am an asset because I am learning more to start every new relationship with a clean slate and dont bring baggage from previous encounters into this one and to do what I can to make this one a success.

Leggs

December 16th, 2009
9:47 am

I feel this has always been the case in dating without it actually being said or labeled. Is someone an asset or a liability in going beyond the first encounter/date? Even if you think you’re a great “catch” and can offer something of substance to another, it is up to that person to actualize it and want to go further. Without him/her seeing it, you’re coasting in the red lane all by yourself.

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:47 am

abc, I agree. We have to weigh the whole package and determine if what that person is offering is asset or liability. Pros and cons.

Dan

December 16th, 2009
9:48 am

@Mdot

You can’t ask more of anyone else, as they may not have the capacity. What you can do is expect more of yourself and slowly, the people that enter and remain in your life will know what is expected of them.

Professor~rocking a ponytail

December 16th, 2009
9:48 am

Dream! I am with you will take the assest and that is all I will take at this moment. For those smart azzes out there I know there is always risk and liability involved (that is so clear, but I know I have to spell it out to some).

Now, well if it is wrong to think highly of yourself good ol’ professor is wrong 24/7

mqew

December 16th, 2009
9:51 am

IDK Raqi – If I’m working hard on doing me, I’m not going to let uuum foo foo come into my world below zero where I would have to get him to an 8. No, not going to happen. There’s no need for me to work harder to determine his anything as it will be a no brainer!

And as you said, If they’re going into it LA LA Landish (based on romantic euphoria alone, or just on a whim) then again they need to put all the ‘work hard’ in themselves cause thas just retarded.

FULL ACCOUNTABILITY – The last relationship I was in and that person pulled me down, I knew better, but the onus was on me cause I didn’t do better. I knew all along that it was not a good idea, but because I wasn’t working hard on me, f working on determining there A&L, I wasn’t trying to determin MY assets. MY FAULT!

on me and mine I will definitely realize a,b,c won’t work. If I’m ok with what I’m working with then

Cemeeli

December 16th, 2009
9:52 am

…oh boy…

…i’ll check ya’ll in a few.

Melo – I’ve never bought so much coffee, or Starbucks gcards in my adult life…since this recession the wish list is #1 for coffee…wonder if my peers know it’s not a “calming” drink.

I love water….free H20…lol.

Dan

December 16th, 2009
9:54 am

@abc

Lets take the CBA analogy a little deeper (for arguments sake). I think the balance sheet analogy is perfect.

Because you’re not only looking at the future value of the asset (marriage), but the income stream as well (the ‘joy’ you referenced). From a liability standpoint, there’s always the liquidity issue (”is there someone better?”) but if the benefits outweigh the costs, the transaction is worth it.

Dan

December 16th, 2009
9:54 am

@Prof

A ponytail…..and what else?

Cemeeli

December 16th, 2009
9:55 am

uuum foo foo <— jus' making up stuff!

cute :lol:

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
9:59 am

Mqew, I didn’t think WiseDiva working to get someone to where we need them to be. I thought she was saying a woman putting more thought and consideration into determining whether or not the man will add to or take away from you. In other words can the emotions long enough to allow logic to lead you.

I don’t know. Let’s see what her train of thought is.

WiseDiva could you please tell us.

MsM

December 16th, 2009
9:59 am

Off Topic: share with me your reasons why a person would say their last name is X and when sitting in your face exchanging numbers (cell phone in hand) the last name that comes up is different. My thought was “nothing good here”. When asked about it… oh I don’t know noth’n bout that, WOW! In lighten me … what’s really going on?

Back to topic… good one to!

Professor~rocking a ponytail

December 16th, 2009
9:59 am

The funny thing is I have always looked at relationships even with my family as a business, which IMO is good. I know dealing with some folks is too risky i.e going to jail, emotional stress, drama etc. I know others that provide great conversation, faithful and encouraging. So I always like to see what I need and where I can get it without draining their well dry or depleting my own reserve.

Whether you are looking at yourself or the person you should check the balance sheet.

mqew

December 16th, 2009
9:59 am

Dan – I like the 9:48.

Hey Ceemee – That’s it! All of that 9:44

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 16th, 2009
9:59 am

@Dan

If you step up and stay crisp, the women will know they have to step their game up to deal with you.

The thing is, so many guys are just glad to have someone laying up under them, that this is the end all be all. They dont really expect much more.

Dream_n~ A grand catch!!

December 16th, 2009
10:00 am

I’m am catching a plane as we speak Prof!!! for that damn ponytail… LMAO!

MsM

December 16th, 2009
10:01 am

@ Dan ^^^^

You can’t ask more of anyone else, as they may not have the capacity. What you can do is expect more of yourself and slowly, the people that enter and remain in your life will know what is expected of them.

Lady J

December 16th, 2009
10:02 am

Raqi great posts and SC great two words….

Cemeeli

December 16th, 2009
10:03 am

@ mqew – before i go…i had posted (blog got an appetite this morning)…

you and “umm foo foo” <— stop, makin' up stuff girl!

lol…too funny.

mqew

December 16th, 2009
10:08 am

Hey Raqi- I was trying to say that I’m NOT going to try to get him to an 8 if he’s below zero. That’s just it, if I’ve been working hard on me I don’t think it’s a need to work hard on anything or anyone else. More likely than not it’ll be apparent that he’s below zero.

Professor~rocking a ponytail

December 16th, 2009
10:09 am

Hey Dan…I am rocking a nice business suit and my trademark heels. I must say I look purrr-dee (pretty with a southern drawl).

Melo

December 16th, 2009
10:09 am

I am not a fan of women with kids and to me personally that is a liability and a blended family can be difficult to deal with

Boy!!

u are killing everyting and anything in ur path M(dot) with ur post..killing a lot of pple on the blog,…but no stress tho with me coz u showing ur age,experience and values thus far. :lol: time will tell,only time will tell

Hey Leggs,Cee…Dream_..Proff and Gang!

The topic is nothing new..u simply using financial/accounting terms to describe what goes on in practice in rela lyfe,as Leggs pointed out.

If i can ask a qstion to spice up the debate..M(dot) whats lacking in the women that guys are choosing..if the curves and looks is all they are using as a basis to choose them??? (shld be interesting)

Have a nice day folks! :lol:

2CPTG......Long Term Asset (hold, and don't sell short)

December 16th, 2009
10:09 am

Like this topic…..you’re right, Diva, smart men do know when they have a good thing…and I got one now!!!!!

Dan

December 16th, 2009
10:10 am

@MDot

Again, it’s not about anyone else. If you’re on you douggie and she’s not, then don’t allow her to be around and not expect more.

Catch, train (for the next cat), and release is sometimes all you can do.

Would you wear a shirt that too small?

Lady J

December 16th, 2009
10:10 am

East Point's Own

December 16th, 2009
10:11 am

The few assests which I value most right now in a mate are:
1. A vision for a better tomorrow, I can’t deal with a woman who is satisfied with today (unless she is has accomplished much more in life than any woman i have met so far)
2. Has a strong desire to have strong family relationships
3. Can laugh at herself when necessary
4. Not afraid to take risks or try new things (i.e. travel, foods, activities, music, etc)
5. Must have female friends ( I think that its a red flag if a woman has no female friends)

http://hispointofview.com

Professor~rocking a ponytail

December 16th, 2009
10:12 am

Hola Melo…Dream_n & Leggs a wonderful Wednesday to y’all as well

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
10:14 am

smart men do know when they have a good thing

2CPTG, Exactly. And no matter what someone else may feel or think about that thing he sees it as an asset to him and he takes it for his own.

Professor~rocking a ponytail

December 16th, 2009
10:14 am

5. Must have female friends ( I think that its a red flag if a woman has no female friends)

Morning East Point~Do you mind explaining this one?

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 16th, 2009
10:17 am

@Melo

“but no stress tho with me coz u showing ur age,experience and values thus far.”

What does that mean? You aren’t taking shots are you? Just curious I was not dissing women with kids. I was just saying it would not be a good fit for me. I understand as I get older, more women are going to be divorced, have kids, been in abusive relationships, have baggage, issues, daddy issues, whatever etc. That’s fine with me but I dont have to be with them. That’s the benefits of being an asset, you have options and choices not orders.

mqew

December 16th, 2009
10:22 am

OMG Frazier make me LOL for real!!! :lol:

Raqi...I Do...Again

December 16th, 2009
10:23 am

I was just saying it would not be a good fit for me.

Mdot, you are right. Each person has to determine what is right and good for them as an individual. What adds to you is all that matters.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 16th, 2009
10:24 am

@Melo
“whats lacking in the women that guys are choosing..if the curves and looks is all they are using as a basis to choose them??? (shld be interesting)”

What is lacking is Respect. Period. Guys want the physical first and compromise their respect. Alot of them really didnt grow up with a man to respect so they dont have a template of the type of man they should respect. Sure I know all men are not worth respecting. I get that. But ask some women which guys in their lives that they respect…they may love the man but the ones that actually respect them are few and far between.