Breakup Etiquette
If you are one of those individuals that decided to break up with someone to avoid giving gifts and holiday craze, stay classy! This is the type of behavior that gets filed as bad breakup etiquette.
A friend of mine was telling me that he doesn’t think there is such a thing as good etiquette when you are dumping someone. There is simply no good way of saying I don’t want to sleep with you anymore. Fair enough, but that doesn’t mean you get to act like a total jerk, either.
I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone. Is it the lesser of all the evils? Perhaps, if you consider having an awkward conversation about why you aren’t going to work our gut wrenching torture. In comparison, fading away can look to be easiest, but not to the person who is left wondering what happened.
In your experiences, do you have good breakup etiquette? Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one? When things start to go south, why does it take people so long to speak up and admit it to each other?
A strange question, but what is the best breakup you’ve ever had? How many of your exes do you still respect and love? What do you think prevented your breakup from becoming a bad episode of Cheaters?
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301 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)
December 15th, 2009
3:44 pm
Peace out blog fam….especially you DK
. Time to let the Isley Brothers take me home. 
czBrat
December 15th, 2009
3:47 pm
I am grateful my parents gave me a name that is not difficult to spell or pronounce and I am grateful that when you look at my resume or talk to me on the phone, you are not able to decipher my race which keeps you focus on the main issue at hand ditto I am.
and i’ll add that before my marriage (and since my divorce), i’ve actually had much better response and acceptance in corporate america using my maiden (hispanic) last name than my ex-hubb’s american name.
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
3:50 pm
I know I’m all late, but yeah, the hiring folks do look at your name and “cast” you aside if your name sounds ghetto…..research has shown as much…..
DreamsMaterialize
December 15th, 2009
3:51 pm
Leggs
she knew how to build a paper doll house!
I’m with you 100% on that. Usually just a bunch of people overcompensating for their mediocrity. I still can’t understand how women just wait around for dudes to approach them. You’re responsible for your own happiness. If you see something that might make you happy, it’s on you to go get it. The CEO doesn’t usually knock on your door and offer you your dream job. You have to seek it out and take it. Same goes for a mate. If you’re just waiting around for dudes to “campaign”, then you can’t complain about the results you’re getting. Btw, thanks for the shot of Don Julio. Glad you remembered.
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD
December 15th, 2009
3:53 pm
Dreams Materializez – Hee Hee Mucha..
THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD
December 15th, 2009
3:53 pm
CZ Bratez – Aye yi yi yi
Willie Dynamite
December 15th, 2009
3:54 pm
Afternoon All,
I never had any particularly rough breakups. I’ve always made it a point to be civil. My thought process was always to look at it from the other persons POV. Besides for me it was never about just dumping a chick. I’ll admit I usually came across a better option. When I did have the rotation going then of course the Fade-Away was the best option because it really wasn’t a true break-up. And for the record EVERY ex I have I can get some cumback if I so choose.
Sub topic – For those of you talking about names I can tell you firsthand that Names do play a very big part in the selection process. It probably has less to do with you getting hired but moreso just getting the interview. That also doesn’t mean the company is that way just the person/people doing the screening may be Azzholes.
czBrat
December 15th, 2009
3:54 pm
Ok so since everyone knows better dont name your kids no foolishness. Let the name curse go end with you.
@ DK
yeah. i just couldn’t get with that AT ALL. i took charge of naming both our kids cuz ex-hubb’s was talking crazy!!! Aquanita was one of his suggestions, if memory serves me
Melo
December 15th, 2009
3:54 pm
Do you really want to work for someone who doesn’t like immigrants and Africans?
If it were up to that one individual Dreams,proly not.Even here where i work,there are pple with some funky attitudes who proly dont like them…but they dont matter nor count coz im in anyway.
My thing is,why shoot urself in the foot coz at the end of the day,all u need is a foot in the door to sell urslelf.
The hiring manager maybe a jack as%5ss but the company itself that he/she works for maybe not,so why not get a chance to impress that muthfcka and then shine when u in?
Than have him toss out ur resume,even tho the company itself is fairly progressive?!!
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
3:57 pm
@Brandon St. Randy : Alot of single women don’t know how to let a man be a man when he approaches you which is why they find themselves single.
Here’s what I’ve learned that works:
A)When out and about with girlfriends wanting to be approached by men, don’t travel in packs larger than 3 women. I have never been approached by a dude when I was in a large group of women but when I’m out by myself or with no more than 2 other ladies, I get approached
B) most men probably have already figured out that I own my home, have a car, decent job, etc… but when a man is trying to impress me, I’m sure he doesn’t need to hear my “resume” and how I can do xyz by myself.
Instead, I ask a lot of questions about the guy. When the guy wants to do things for me that I can already do by myself , I sit back and let him be the man.
C) I’ve also learned not to settle. I get approached all the time by men. I ‘m single by choice. I want to be with someone that I click with and not just for the sake of having a man
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
3:59 pm
@ czBrat : the reason why I said that is because I work in an industry where clients always want to know what race you are.
I don’t feel it is important to know when I am trying to help resolve your client issues.
Leggs
December 15th, 2009
3:59 pm
“most men probably have already figured out that I own my home, have a car, decent job, etc…” How is this possible???
Leggs
December 15th, 2009
4:00 pm
That is is they’re just approaching you???
SexyCool - Imagine Me.
December 15th, 2009
4:00 pm
I was thinking the same thing.
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:01 pm
Here is an interesting article about finding a job with an ethnic name: http://www.thegrio.com/2009/09/does-your-name-matter-when.php
Professor is.....
December 15th, 2009
4:01 pm
Bradon St. Randy~ I am going to leave that alone. Well I lied 1st if you just met a woman she does not want to hear about you building her a house. Folks don’t want to hear that foolishness. 2nd if they were sitting at the bar it could have been the stilletos were hurting that little toe or maybe aunt flow messed up her dress hell it could have been a number of reasons unrelated to the black man.
The word bougie is so over used and misused
Melo/Dream~ as an HR professional I have heard tales about what’s in a name but I have never exp it personally. I do know there are a lot of high performing organizations that welcomes diversity.
DreamsMaterialize
December 15th, 2009
4:02 pm
So I change/alter my name in an attempt to “level” the playing field. I get the interview, and subsequently the job. Now when I get there, I realize they don’t like people with “different” names. They also tend to ostracize people who are culturally different. Now maybe they also assign high profile projects to people based on the same faulty logic that they used to hire people. I now hate this job and wish I were somewhere else. So, in gaming the system to “level” the playing field, I’ve really only gamed myself.
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
4:03 pm
Leggs, and Sexy……..I was thinking the same thing…..don’t nobody know nothin’ ’bout you if they’re just approaching you…….c’mon gal, tell us the truth, you wear yo credentials on yo sleeve!
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:03 pm
It should be a law that one must wear deodorant (my coworkers stink!)
Melo
December 15th, 2009
4:04 pm
thank u for that article, “I am whatever you say I am”
u need more than a degree or degrees and competency in this country,i tell ya.
wake up pple!!
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:05 pm
@Leggs : this is the 21st century.
The odds that most women owm their own home, etc… is greater than the 1940’s
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:06 pm
@ Melo: You’re Welcome
czBrat
December 15th, 2009
4:07 pm
I am i understand completely. that’s why i agreed with you 100%. i’ve always said that no one could pick me out of a line-up if they were trying to match my linguistics NOR my name to my face. and that’s just the way i like it! no need to play personal guessing games, just focus on the objective at hand.
i also believe that the hispanic last name could potentially be a negative in this society, except for the fact that i’m bilingual so it becomes an instant plus. just my opinion.
SexyCool - Imagine Me.
December 15th, 2009
4:07 pm
Dreams – Seriously? Wow. What is YOUR name? It ain’t that deep, dude/chick? (not sure)
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:09 pm
Also @ Melo: ever notice how Asians in this country have “caucasion” sounding names whereas their birth certificates say otherwise.
HM Roberts
December 15th, 2009
4:09 pm
My college roommate broke up with her boyfriend by giving him a gift-wrapped copy of his marriage license over coffee at Starbucks.
I once told a guy “the voices in my head are telling me its over with you. dont you hear them?”
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:10 pm
@ czBrat : My bad! missed the ditto!
Leggs
December 15th, 2009
4:11 pm
BS….but ok on more than in the 1940s
If I was a dude and I just met you at at a bar, the high museum, Fox Theatre or Alliance Theatre, I would not know you owned a home. Nor would I know if you’re single w/a good job. This is definitely the 21st century, but would you expect every woman or man you meet is divorced just because they’re not wearing a wedding ring. Hell, they did that in the 40’s too!
Professor is.....
December 15th, 2009
4:11 pm
It has been my observation that names are not the only thing that tells your race…many folks attend HBCU so that is another deciding factor I have a mainstream that is not ethnic I did not attend a HBCU, but at the end of the day I am with Dream I do not want your job if you do not want me there or if you are going to get me there and give me a glass ceiling
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
4:11 pm
HM…..are you related to Oral? just heard he pased…..first prosperity preacher don’ gone home……….
Leggs
December 15th, 2009
4:13 pm
The only way I would know that is if you sat there bragging about your stucco home with the bay windows, or the carpet that needs cleaning or if I knew anyone who did pressure washing. I wouldn’t know about your job just by meeting if you if you didn’t start spewing all things about your job. I get what you’re saying, just harping on the way your said it!
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
4:14 pm
speakin of HBCU’s……ummmm, can we take up a collection for Morris Brown? would hate to see ‘em close……
Melo
December 15th, 2009
4:15 pm
Dreams,if its working out fine for u out there,dont change it….
Proff.i have seen it first hand.Aint pretty.
It sure helps a lot to go to a good school and get that american credential, but…….
some of my african folks sure have some funky zambunda names,its not pretty!
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
4:15 pm
Leggs, be easy now……you know what she was doing…..wasn’t hard to peep….
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:15 pm
at Professor is….. : many caucasions attend HBCUs to appear diverse on their resumes and to benefit from minority scholarships.
African Americans can to the same: If you attended a HBCU as undergrad attend a non HBCU for grad.
Dream_n~ It's that charisma that get's em everytime!
December 15th, 2009
4:16 pm
stucco home with the bay windows
I don’t like stucco.. I’d rather brick, but the big bay window can definatley stay…
A key West style home is in my near future….
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:16 pm
typo: meant to say African Americans can do the same
Professor is.....
December 15th, 2009
4:17 pm
I am with you on Morris Brown…founded by freed slaves we need to do something out of respect for those former slaves…I believe it was in 1881 and I love what Alonzo Herndon used to do for the AU center
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 15th, 2009
4:18 pm
Afternoon All!
Hey DreamsMaterialize! Sorry about the job thing!
Im sure some people have looked at the spelling of my first name and wondered what race I was, its sad that its that serious. Your name overshadows your skills.
Hope everyone is doing well!
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:19 pm
@ Leggs: are you looking for attention since I am not conceding your responses?
czBrat
December 15th, 2009
4:20 pm
Asians in this country have “caucasion” sounding names whereas their birth certificates say otherwise. birth names are waaaaaaay otherwise
it’s no secret that other ethnicities play the game much smarter. they will rename themselves “Lynn” and “Sam” without a second thought and keep on keeping on with materializing their american dream.
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:20 pm
hmmmnnn…. I wonder if caucasion mothers of bi-racial children have thought to give their child an ethnic name.
2CPTG......holla!
December 15th, 2009
4:20 pm
Mo…is Moeisha your real first name?
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 15th, 2009
4:21 pm
I feel bad for Morris Brown and Im wondering: where is all the alumni? And did you all read the article in the paper Sunday?
DreamsMaterialize
December 15th, 2009
4:21 pm
so why not get a chance to impress that muthfcka and then shine when u in?
Because we have other choices. If a company has an a-hole repesenting them, then that’s their loss. I’ll go somewhere else, where they have the business sense to have reasonable people serve as the face of their company. HR shouldn’t really be interviewing people anyway. They rarely have enough knowledge of the position skills to make an informed decision. Not only that, but small business account for about 70 percent of businesses. So, more than likely, the person interviewing you is the person you will be working for.
Professor is.....
December 15th, 2009
4:21 pm
I am~ I know that and I realize that Morehouse top grade was white. Usually when I write I don’t deal with the small stuff, however if your name is Kenzekia and you went to Clark or FAMU folks think you are black. Just like I my name is basic and the famous folks with my name are white and I went to white schools I get the
on interviews because they thought the Professor was an old white lady, and not this young fine racehorse
Leggs
December 15th, 2009
4:21 pm
No, not looking for attention, just playing with the wording. It’s what I do.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 15th, 2009
4:22 pm
2CPTG – no Moeisha isnt my real name. SJ3000 gave me that name! :0)
Melo
December 15th, 2009
4:23 pm
did they send that Prez to prison?/ the one who stole money??
whatever happened to Hightower and the Abernathy guy,both went to prison for sticky fingers??
I am whatever you say I am
December 15th, 2009
4:25 pm
@ Professor is….. LOL @ “get the on interviews because they thought the Professor was an old white lady, and not this young fine racehorse”