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Breakup Etiquette

If you are one of those individuals that decided to break up with someone to avoid giving gifts and holiday craze, stay classy!  This is the type of behavior that gets filed as bad breakup etiquette.

A friend of mine was telling me that he doesn’t think there is such a thing as good etiquette when you are dumping someone.  There is simply no good way of saying I don’t want to sleep with you anymore. Fair enough,  but that doesn’t mean you get to act like a total jerk, either.

I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone. Is it the lesser of all the evils? Perhaps, if you consider having an awkward conversation about why you aren’t going to work our gut wrenching torture. In comparison, fading away can look to be easiest, but not to the person who is left wondering what happened.

In your experiences, do you have good breakup etiquette? Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one?  When things start to go south, why does it take people so long to speak up and admit it to each other?

A strange question, but what is the best breakup you’ve ever had? How many of your exes do you still respect and love? What do you think prevented your breakup from becoming a bad episode of Cheaters?

301 comments Add your comment

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
11:18 am

M.Dot – too much for typing.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:19 am

Im quiet too Beautiful,so what u saying..?? :lol:

tiger has 10 or so heifers out there..guy got stamina tho.u gotta give him props!

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:23 am

I think the question is how long to do stay in before you know if it’s not going to work? I had the tendency of staying in longer which made breaking things off harder to do because of time invested, but now I no longer look at time invested, I see things as they are and make my determination whether to proceed or leave it alone.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:23 am

Proff..jermnaine has 7 kids…
did u watch them jackson 5 on th larry king show on friday, i think…fuuuuuny!
one of his brothers was messing with him about them kids and i believe baby mamas.
they are thinking of a tour and the other brothers are kinda tinkering except for jermaine..hes ready..he needs that child support thang! :lol:

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:25 am

not saying anything Melo. i don’t know you to say.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
11:28 am

Melo~ LMAO :grin: not the child support thang! Yes I saw them on larry king show…if you ask me they are washed up!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:29 am

**but now I no longer look at time invested, I see things as they are and make my determination whether to proceed or leave it alone.**

here you go again chica! kudos on this one too.

kids are gone to school. was just reminded that it’s present wrappin’ time.

bbl.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
11:29 am

Dream, Did you watch the Jennifer Hudson special?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)

December 15th, 2009
11:33 am

I had the tendency of staying in longer which made breaking things off harder to do because of time invested

I’ve heard of/seen women/men but especially the women saying that they’re not going to leave and meet someone else just to have to “start over” and I’m like are you serious?(in my loud Neffe voice). So you’d rather stay with BOO BOO the fool and be unhappy cause y’all got time invested…chile puhleaze.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)

December 15th, 2009
11:35 am

Side Note:Mr. Fresh Baked Bread where are youuuu? Lawd I hope you ain’t “tangled up” with somebody’s daughter doin the grown….but if you are I ain’t mad atcha ;)

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:36 am

Yes Sassy Me I used to be one of those women but gone are those days, many many moons ago. BUT it wasn’t with BOO BOO the fool though.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:41 am

if the sex was really, really good,”BOO BOO the fool” always has a nice an polished face make over in a woman’s eyes!
:lol: :lol:

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 15th, 2009
11:42 am

@SexyCool – Imagine Me

Must be drastic lol!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)

December 15th, 2009
11:43 am

Grace good for you for the lessons learned and BOO BOO was just an arbitrary name I snatched out of the air…but I get your point.

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
11:45 am

Not really. I’m just a pretty animated storyteller. So, you’ve got to hear it to get the whole effect.

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:45 am

How many of your exes do you still respect and love? hmmmm let’s see, 0! I don’t hate any of my exes but I don’t have any kind of affection or love for any of them either. For instance if I found out any one of them are sick or passed away I would pay my condolences/sympathy and have a silent moment.

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:46 am

LOL Melo must all things fall back to s3x?

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 15th, 2009
11:47 am

If we get to a point where we are breaking up.. I gives a damn what you think about it or what protocol is involved.. You just got etti-cut and thats that.. And people sittin up talking bout they would be gentle, please….

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:47 am

Grace,its always the unspoken and taboo but very important bottom line!

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:48 am

Sassy Me – I figured that out but I just had to throw that in there :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 15th, 2009
11:49 am

Sassy – I heard you was looking for me.. Here I go!

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
11:52 am

@ Professor

No, I did not get to watch that special. I forgot what channel it is, but they are giving nothing but christmas movies… the lil one and I were watching!

Was it good?

(I’m gettin a lil bombarded so..i’ll peak back in in a bit :grin: )

2CPTG......holla!

December 15th, 2009
11:52 am

DK, that’s what I’m talkin bout….gentle in a break-up???? whatever.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
11:52 am

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
11:54 am

DK/2CPTG

Not all break-ups are screaming, hollering, crying and throwing things…

Sometimes you both know it’s over, but just prolong the inevitable. Then one day you sit down and end it.

I can atest to having a civilized break-up….

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
11:56 am

I should have added a disclaimer earlier – depends on what point we are in the relationship as to the mechanics of the break up, but still – it’s best to be direct about regardless.

Me: My decision from last night remains the same this morning. Last month, you said you could have all of your things out of there in three hours. I’ma give you eight. I want you gone by the time I get home from work today.

Shthead: Remember the law.

Me: The law? You think I give a phck about the law at this point. I have been patient. I have been kind. And I have been reasonable. But I tell you what – if I don’t have my key and my gate card by the end of the day today, I will show you what UNreasonable looks like.

(I immediately gathered my keys and my bag and walked out the door without another word.)

When I got home from work that day, he was coming out of my gate. He flagged me down, gave me my key and card.

Shthead: I’ll be by this weekend to get the rest of my things.
Me: You can get them tomorrow.
Shthead: I can’t come until this weekend.
Me: Like I said, tomorrow is fine.
(And drove off.)

He was there the next morning. He tried to leave some of his things there. I let him know that anything that he did not take with him would be in the dumpster by the end of the day. (He took all of his things.)

2CPTG......holla!

December 15th, 2009
11:57 am

Dream_n, noone said they had to be uncivilized, either…..but all this gentle talk is asinine! a simple call will do…..

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 15th, 2009
12:00 pm

Dream – it aint about screaming hollin and acting a fool.. I actually much more of the other.. It gets to the point where the “I dont Fcuk with you” is obvious..

Grace

December 15th, 2009
12:03 pm

I still take the other person’s feeling/ego into consideration, that’s where the gentleness comes in, firm yet gentle…..the infamous disappearing act is not taking the gentle way out :wink:

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:03 pm

DK/2C

It all depends on the time frame IMO… I don’t want a phone call after 2 plus years of being with you… We need to sit down like adults and forgo being together, I’m not sure what the problem would be with that.

But all this I don’t F with you or phonce caling in my opinion is being a coward…

It depends on the time/nature of the relationship…..IMO

Melo

December 15th, 2009
12:04 pm

see 11.56..thats why men shld just do invisible.

U ladies stress and take it to another level(physical) sometimes..

so its better to just go ghost and not have to call the popo for peace or becoz of some foul *&^%$#(*&^%#$*^%$!!! that jus happened! :lol:

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
12:06 pm

Um…Melo – How was I gone get ghost out of my own damn apartment? I ain’t did sht, why I got to move?

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
12:07 pm

And I was really, really calm during both of those conversations.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:08 pm

All that getting “ghost” crap is just rude, not called for, and just plain wimpish…

2CPTG......holla!

December 15th, 2009
12:09 pm

Dream_n…….look, if we’re breakin’ up, then ain’t that saying we don’t want to see each other anymore? So why would I want to see you only to break up????? This ain’t the “Manhattans”…we ain’t gon “kiss and say goodbye!”

JtJ

December 15th, 2009
12:11 pm

@DK…..I kind of agree with you that when the realization hits that it is over, it is time to end it. I tried salvaging relationships before and would never do it again.

RIP to Charlie Murphy’s Wife Tisha Taylor Murphy

http://www.popeater.com/2009/12/15/charlie-murphy-loses-wife-to-cancer/

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 15th, 2009
12:11 pm

Dream – You know I thought I could be reasonable before my divorce but it didnt happen that way.. Some people just dont want reasonable.. They want all h3ll to break loose.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
12:11 pm

How was I gone get ghost out of my own damn apartment

not u, i mean the dude….

the moment he knew things werent gone well, he shld have had his stuff elsewhere..

Now,any man that lives in a woman’s house..ive got 99 qstions,like jigga! :lol: :lol:

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:14 pm

I guess I’m looking at it from my prospective, the only window I can look from.. Given the fact there was a child involved, it’s easier for me to want the whole sit down, talk, arrangement as opposed to a (wimp) phonecall…

But, if there wasn’t a chile involved I would still want at least the decency of an in face talk… but that’s just me.

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
12:16 pm

@Melo – he wasn’t tryin’ to go anywhere. He would still be there with the same M.O. for as long as I accepted it.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:18 pm

@ DK

And I can understand different sitiuations for different people. Some people can’t handle the situation like you would or like you’d hope they would….

But come on, getting “ghost” is not the “adult” thing to do…

I guess, unless it was just an azz arrangement…

Melo

December 15th, 2009
12:19 pm

Dream_n??

for a guy,whats so respectable about being told,”get outa my house”??

:lol:
the idea of talking is to get some modicum of understanding..if u brreaking up,there is no understanding going on anymore,more than likely,there has been acrimony or disharmony for a while…

If u cant smell that as a dating adult,then sme wrong with u.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:22 pm

@ Melo

Telling someone to get out of your house b/c they were being disrespectful to you while living in YOUR house ain’t all that bad to me.

Sitting Pretty

December 15th, 2009
12:23 pm

I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone. Is it the lesser of all the evils?

One word: NO

It’s the worst way to break up, IMO. Having been the victim of a disappearing act and seeing others go through the same thing, I can tell you it’s not a good idea. I know that you think you’re sparing their feelings, but you’re really just leaving them dazed and confused. Like “I don’t even know what happened”. That’s not a cool state to live in. Lol Really, just be honest and be prepared to hurts some feelings (unintentionally)…it’s better than leaving them without the answers.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
12:30 pm

of your house b/c they were being disrespectful to you while living in YOUR house ain’t all that bad to me.

and thats the thing..coz when we parting ways,its more than likely some body or both of us messed up and emotions are high..there is no civil discussion going on…

If i cheated on yu,u found out and u are mad and u want out..why sld i wait for the inevitable..the throwing out of my clothes,dumpster trashing and public humiliation..

u ladies want touchy feely in everything…with sexx,after sexx kissing,public displays etc.. :lol:

and now with break ups too…???

GTFOH!!! :lol: :lol:

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
12:34 pm

Scool do you think being calm scared him…like the calm before the storm.

Melo~ I am with you if a guy has to live in my house where everything is in MY name and he know he was not there at closing he is putting ME in a powerful position. Whatchuknowbout jigga? Like you said I got 99 question or maybe 50 cent 21 questions???

Dream~ it was real nice. I just love J-Hud’s voice

Grace

December 15th, 2009
12:35 pm

u ladies want touchy feely in everything…with sexx,after sexx kissing,public displays etc..- @Melo – but yet you still want us!

DreamsMaterialize

December 15th, 2009
12:37 pm

There have probably already been more than enough discussions PRIOR to the breakup. All issues have been vented, all problems voiced. So, when the breakup rolls around, it should be quick and simple.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
12:40 pm

There have probably already been more than enough discussions PRIOR to the breakup. All issues have been vented, all problems voiced. So, when the breakup rolls around, it should be quick and simple

That ^ is the break-up.

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
12:42 pm

Prof – I’m sure. LOL!

As I walked out of the apartment, I remember thinking, “Now, I hope his ass is gone when I get back because I don’t want to HAVE to act a fool on this negro. Hell, ain’t nobody trying to go to jail.”