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Breakup Etiquette

If you are one of those individuals that decided to break up with someone to avoid giving gifts and holiday craze, stay classy!  This is the type of behavior that gets filed as bad breakup etiquette.

A friend of mine was telling me that he doesn’t think there is such a thing as good etiquette when you are dumping someone.  There is simply no good way of saying I don’t want to sleep with you anymore. Fair enough,  but that doesn’t mean you get to act like a total jerk, either.

I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone. Is it the lesser of all the evils? Perhaps, if you consider having an awkward conversation about why you aren’t going to work our gut wrenching torture. In comparison, fading away can look to be easiest, but not to the person who is left wondering what happened.

In your experiences, do you have good breakup etiquette? Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one?  When things start to go south, why does it take people so long to speak up and admit it to each other?

A strange question, but what is the best breakup you’ve ever had? How many of your exes do you still respect and love? What do you think prevented your breakup from becoming a bad episode of Cheaters?

301 comments Add your comment

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
8:57 am

Me, first???

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
9:04 am

Hola Happy People!

Ok with this topic a few things are coming to mind first Ms. Chrisette Michele and her song Blame it on Me for some reason that is exactly how I feel. If I am trying to leave I will take 200% of the blame just let me go on. The first time I heard this song I said finally someone put how I’ve felt into a song.

BLAME IT ON ME
Say its my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care
I aint crying no more
Say I’m a liar a cheater
Say anything that you want
As long as it’s over

this is the other versus I like
Yes I love you but I really got to loose you
Freedom is where I want to be
Yes I’ll probably always love you
But I’m moving
I got to do this for me

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
9:10 am

In your experiences, do you have good breakup etiquette?

Absolutely, when I break up with someone I leave that person with dignity and respect. I do not like those long talks. IMO break ups are like terminations the person should already know things are rocky and you call them up and let them know you have decided to let go. Wish them the best, and get off the phone. A lot of folks like to do this in person, but to me over the phone is ok.

Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one?
Yes, and why would you not tell someone that are not the one? Anything less than telling that person is being unethical and stringing them along.

When things start to go south, why does it take people so long to speak up and admit it to each other?

Hope. People hope things will get better. Denial. People deny the red flags and signs. Fear. Some people are afraid to be alone.

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
9:29 am

Two Word Week – Take action.

mqew

December 15th, 2009
9:35 am

Morning,

I have excellent breakup etiquette :-) Ain’t nothing easier to say then Push the hell on, or I’M pushing the hell on!!! :lol: Wait, that’s etiquette right? I think the inetiquette (is that a word?) is doing the disappearing act.

People taking a long minute to address issues when their relationship is going south is self-destruction at it’s best. Whether it’s intentional or not….

I have been married for 13 years because we don’t do that…. ANYMORE!!! We learned 3-5 years in that if we want this thing to work you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT let ANYthing fester!

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
9:36 am

Coincidentally, this was something that was on my mind recently.

It is difficult to face someone that you have dealt with to let them know that you are no longer interested in dealing with them. All too often, there is no real break-up. Instead there is a change in behavior. Calls are not returned. Dates (hook-ups) become less frequent. There is a noticeable change in attitude. Or – one party will do something to intentionally offent the other party to cause a breakup.

It’s not easy letting someone down easy. – Trust me. I know. However, it is the most respectful, caring way to deal with a person.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)

December 15th, 2009
9:42 am

A strange question, but what is the best breakup you’ve ever had? How many of your exes do you still respect and love? What do you think prevented your breakup from becoming a bad episode of Cheaters?

Best breakup was with the last ex b/c we were just going/growing in two different directions. He didn’t want the breakup but I knew after a while it wasn’t going anywhere. In retrospect I should’ve left sooner but no need to digress. Since he and I were good friends first we’re still aiight now but we don’t talk everyday(don’t need to). I don’t think he ever cheated on me but I’m sure Tiger’s wife thought the same thing,too sooooo.

Side note: I drove to work today listening to the Isley Brothers and MAAAAN I wanted to go back home and make a phone call. ;)

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
9:44 am

I absolutely love that song Professor…

On Topic: Breaking up is hard to do,letting go, giving in, throughing in the towel, walking away, all that!! lol

I think it’s only right to tell the person that you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with them, especially if you guys have been together for quite some time. Now if it’s just azz for lack of a better word, then if you get closure that’s good, but if you don’t…..well you know what you signed up for.

In my case, it was easy for me to let go b/c I pretty much done 6 mnths before the actual break-up. But we sat down as adults, discussed our situation and terminated the agreement :lol:

mqew

December 15th, 2009
9:44 am

SCool – please trust me when I say, respectful and caring, does not work with alot of people. They think the fact that you are caring means that you still want them. Trust me, I know. You gotta tell them to kick rocks.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 15th, 2009
9:48 am

How many of your exes do you still respect and love?

I definately still love and respect my ex. Not only is he a hardworking man, but he’s an excellent father. He just wasn’t right for me. Although he would like us to try again, I feel like I would be beating a dead horse….

mqew

December 15th, 2009
9:50 am

The best break up I’ve ever had I didn’t initiate. Dude was my first real college boyfriend. We were inseperable for an entire semester. (I know an eternity but hey I was 17yrs old seemed like it to me.) Next semester not so much. I was a freshmen and feeling myself, soooo… anywhoo. During a break, he called me and was like yeah I heard such and such (which wasn’t true, but who the hell cared, I was glad he was doing the breakup) and said it’s over. I was like, COOL! DEUCES!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 9 days til my birthday :-)

December 15th, 2009
9:53 am

He just wasn’t right for me. Although he would like us to try again, I feel like I would be beating a dead horse….

That’s kinda how I feel about my ex,too Dream…he’s a good guy but just not the one for me. I think we are at two different stages in our lives and maybe had we met at a different time things would’ve worked out…then again it may’ve been the same outcome.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
9:57 am

mqew~ They think the fact that you are caring means that you still want them. Trust me, I know. You gotta tell them to kick rocks.

Now that is so true.

Hey Dream you know that is my song!

As for loving and respecting my exes. Well I have two that are top notch. Although my high school sweetie gets on my nerves he always checks up on me. He is a great guy and he is very kind and caring. No matter what I have been through he was there with me serving as whatever I needed him to be or do. So a nod to him. I already told y’all how I felt about my college sweetheart…he is a beautiful person inside and out. Anytime I think of him my heart smile and the day gets a tad bit brighter.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 15th, 2009
9:58 am

Morning.

“I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone”

This is the worst and most cowardly thing one can do. Especially in Atlanta. I can see if you move away, but if you are staying around for sure, this is not a good move and shows your lack of integrity.

“In your experiences, do you have good breakup etiquette? Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one? When things start to go south, why does it take people so long to speak up and admit it to each other?”

In my experiences, my break up etiquette is not that great. I dont really break up exactly, it kind of fades away and somebody brings closure to the situation. I had a couple of breakups where you may get a letter or an email and I think these are the worst also. I dont know which break up is better lol.

I think everyone hates that unexpected/premeditated breakup-you did not expect it, but they knew a while ago that they were going to break up.

” How many of your exes do you still respect and love?”

I always remind myself that an ex is an ex for a reason…

mqew

December 15th, 2009
9:59 am

I’m still cool with only a few of my exes. Probably because of the Kick Rocks mentality. One is still one of my best friends. The other I only speak with when he discovers something about his parents that reveals or clears up some of his messed up childhood.

Okay so maybe only two…

Melo

December 15th, 2009
10:02 am

I’m beginning to wonder if the disappearing act is the nicest way to dump someone

the Absolute best,trust me!

The most diplomatic way to tell smeone to “phluck off” without uttering a word.

Besides,in lyfe u never know who you will lean on when times are tough,cob webs need some dusting etc.It leaves you with options you wouldnt have if u uttered the ugly words in the heat of dating angst and anguish.
Well,im telling you guys what i used to do.
Me and all my exes smile,face book and say “hello,how many kids u got now” etc all becoz there were no zingers unleashed when we went our seperate ways.

Good morning pple! :lol:

mqew

December 15th, 2009
10:03 am

And YES! BLAME IT ON ME, ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Professor – it simply rocks!

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
10:03 am

think we are at two different stages in our lives and maybe had we met at a different time things would’ve worked out…

Sassy/Dream, I think one of the elements that make love so wonderful is timing. When two souls connect at the right time you have the makings of something beautiful. However if the time is not right IMO it is like baking a cake same ingrediants but if you leave it in the oven too long it burns and if you take it out too soon…raw and yucky, but with the right timing you have something special and wonderful. Nevertheless each cake was made out of the same thing. I hope I am making sense.

Leggs

December 15th, 2009
10:06 am

Good morning.

When the guys come on bet a high %age would say disappering is the best form of etiquette because they don’t need closure.

It’s never a good thing to hurt someone’s feelings, but it’s best to have this conversation either face to face or over the phone. However, never with silence by disappearing.

mqew

December 15th, 2009
10:08 am

Disappearing acts are for kids. Be grown please. Please put on the big girl and big boi underwear. I think that act is a road to endless ambiguity.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
10:14 am

“SAY IT AINT SO BLACK PEOPLE!!”

The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods’ harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.

“Why is it that a man who calls himself black can’t bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?” said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. “What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?”

Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.

Added Sharpton, “I’m not asking you to cheat on your wives, I’m just asking you to give back to your own community.”

mqew

December 15th, 2009
10:16 am

Melo – why even post that mess? Who cares?

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
10:20 am

Tiger isn’t Black. He’s Caublinasian.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
10:21 am

Melo send me the link I want to see if they have a pic of Rev. Al I want to look at his hairDO.

I am whatever you say I am

December 15th, 2009
10:21 am

Break up etiquette: do not break up before or during holidays, birthdays, or right before a big event that you all intended on going to gether. Oh, definately fail if you break up the day someone lost their job.

Leggs

December 15th, 2009
10:24 am

@Melo, is this a joke. How dare he hold a press conference talking that jibberish. So what there’s lack of diversity in his mistresses. Nevermind, this has got to be joke.

Melo

December 15th, 2009
10:25 am

mqew,when i got the eamil, i thoght it was a joke and laughed so hard.

But now,smebody tells me its for real,he(AL had a press conference in HARLEM.
Proff..i will try to find it and see if its authentic.

BackandAtIt

December 15th, 2009
10:25 am

Okay, please someone say it ain’t so. Al Sharpton wondering about the negative impact this will have on black girls that Tiger did not cheat on his wife with black women. So in essence it’s best that Tiger send the message to black girls that they are good enough to cheat with but not to marry.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
10:29 am

when Tiger is winning the golf games he’s black, but when Tiger cheats he’s Caubinasian? lol. ok.

morning MQEW! you’re a good read today.

Grace

December 15th, 2009
10:29 am

Can you outright tell someone that they aren’t the one? I can’t outright say you’re not the one, but I have said that we’re not going in a direction that’s beneficial to the both of us and I’ve decided to continue my quest of meeting a mate that I have more in common with.

What do you think prevented your breakup from becoming a bad episode of Cheaters? By being honest with myself and him, but most of all being honest with myself.

Good morning!

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
10:32 am

Hell, I ain’t the one that called Tiger that. He made that ish up himself.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cablinasian

czBrat

December 15th, 2009
10:37 am

GM All!

i think i do the slow fade. i’m a bit commitment phobic and make that clear from jump, so i don’t put a whole lot of effort into explaining why things have to end. both ex-s/o’s are still good friends, but the ex-hubbs is completely MIA.

just LUV Chrisette!

DreamsMaterialize

December 15th, 2009
10:38 am

Morning Everyone.

If I’m breaking up with you, then there’s no need to tell you that you’re not the one. It’s implied in the breakup. We also don’t need long discussions. If I’m done, we’re done, let’s move on.

Melo, where did you find that “article”? Funny joke. I thought it was a real article until about halfway through the first sentence. lol

Leggs

December 15th, 2009
10:41 am

I know it’ early, but here’s a shot of Don Julio, DreamsM, just for showing up again! Good day!

“So in essence it’s best that Tiger send the message to black girls that they are good enough to cheat with but not to marry.”

THANK YOU, THANK YOU…so, this better be a joke!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
10:42 am

**and I’ve decided to continue my quest of meeting a mate that I have more in common with.**

@Grace
have you been ease dropping on my phone conversations? a couple of weeks back i had to make it clear that “yea, we can date but you’re not the only one playin’ this game!” i had to explain to him that i dont date just to date. i date to become exclusive. he was unsure at the time whether marriage is for him or not. i honestly dont understand that. he’s 40 yrs old. you should know what you desire by now. yes or no. if no, leave me the h3ll alone!

now all of a sudden he wants what i want. idk about this one.

SexyCool - Imagine Me.

December 15th, 2009
10:46 am

I have been involved in a Cheaters-esque scene a time or two in the past. The retelling of it always SO hilarious. (Ask Tazzee!)

Grace

December 15th, 2009
10:49 am

Beautiful that’s the purpose of me dating, we’ve got to be on the same page, with the same or similar outlook on life. I just can’t “date” to date these days, my time is too valuable.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
10:53 am

**we’ve got to be on the same page, with the same or similar outlook on life** ^5!

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 15th, 2009
10:56 am

@SexyCool – Imagine Me.

LOL can you please share a story or two with us?

I remember I had JUST started talking to this girl who was a theology student. I thought she was good and narrow right? Wrong! She said she didnt drink…I ran into her at a club and she was drunk, but I was out with some of my friends and her friends approached me like who are these girls, why are you cheating on my friend etc…lol It was crazy. We went to lunch 1 time and that was it!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:00 am

so M. is a guy and Dream_n is a gal. got it!

whew!

that shows you how much i paid attention. lol.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
11:03 am

@I am whatever~ I saw your post after the blog closed. Girl we are Jay-z, Andre 3000 and Biggie fans on the blog so we probably did not get the Enema moniker. Sorry, though! Welcome to the blog!

@Melo~ I love my Rev. Al I think I am going to get my hair done up like him for my birthday!

Hey czBrat

As for Tiger I never cared for him AT all!

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:04 am

Dream is a guy too,Beautiful..

why “whew!” Beautiful??

u on the prowl too much,its weighing u down! :lol:

Melo

December 15th, 2009
11:07 am

Prof..if ur hair dresser cant do Al’s hair,let her/him try Jermaine Jacskon’s instead!

both styles are neck twisters! :lol:

:lol:

Grace

December 15th, 2009
11:08 am

“So in essence it’s best that Tiger send the message to black girls that they are good enough to cheat with but not to marry.” – Leggs it seems that way.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:08 am

@Melo
DreamM is a guy i know. but Dream_n is a girl.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:11 am

lol. not on da prowl. seems like i’m in season for some reason. hehehe.

czBrat

December 15th, 2009
11:15 am

Hi Professor :)

*dippin out again*

Beautiful

December 15th, 2009
11:16 am

you gotta watch the quiet ones. this is not just a saying. my ex was quiet just like Tiger.

The "preaching" Professor

December 15th, 2009
11:17 am

Melo~you know how I feel about Jermaine’s hair….that brown gel and a baby brush! That was a good suggestion I might just try it, though

2CPTG......holla!

December 15th, 2009
11:18 am

Break-up etiquette? if that ain’t an oxymoron, I don’t know what one is!!!! who cares what day of the week, holiday, or whatever; if it’s over, it’s over! Sparing your feelings ’cause its the season, or you lost your job, only prolongs the inevitable……hell, if we’re breaking up, then we’ve had “the discussion” and it obviously ain’t working out……so we’ll just go our separate ways, and wish each other the best……

“that which must be done eventually, should be done immediately!”