accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Single-ish During the Holidays

If you have a current person of interest things can get tricky.  Holidays has this weird double-edged sword effect.  From the awkward gift exchanges, to meeting friends and family,to  accompanying each other to parties – it can  accelerate a good thing, or hit the brakes on a bad one.

If you have only just started seeing each other, expectations during the holiday should be kept in perspective.  I think it is a good idea to use the extra time you have together to do fun activities that allow you to showcase your personalities.

Instead of conforming to the idea of being a “couple during the holidays” why not seize the opportunity to be relaxed and silly. No expectations or obligations.

If you don’t get to spend a lot of time with the your new person of interest, don’t count it all bad. They may have had prior social obligations or trips already scheduled. It doesn’t mean they are not interested.

What are you planning for the holidays? Will you be going to a lot of events solo or do you plan to take someone you are spending time with now?

What will you do about gift exchange? Do you plan to bring it up? Ignore it altogether? Would you be uncomfortable giving gifts to someone you just started dating?

If you have only just met, but you are really enjoying the person’s company, what kind of gift would be appropriate?

Are you single or single-ish for the holidays?

Happy Monday!

255 comments Add your comment

Dan

December 14th, 2009
8:50 am

See….. and this is the tricky part: to be or not be “together” for the holidays.

As one that just started dating around the holiday’s (fellas remember the Thanksgiving-ish ease off of the relationship), it’s about having a pretty frank conversation about expectations.

As stated, that could prove to be the progression of a relationship, or the end. For me, I’m one that needs that kinda clarity.

Good morning folks

Merry Christmas...

December 14th, 2009
9:06 am

…to y’all!

SlimOne

December 14th, 2009
9:08 am

Good morning.

My dude and I decided to wait until January before we decide to break up or keep it moving. lol There are too many things we have within next few weeks of the year to deal with any fallout now.

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
9:09 am

Hola Happy People!

I hope everyone stayed warm and dry this weekend.

Well I will say this relax and have fun! If you two are spending time together and things are going great I feel just let things continue to flow. Do not…I repeat DO NOT allow the Holidays to add pressure to your new relationship.

If you have only just met, but you are really enjoying the person’s company, what kind of gift would be appropriate?

Usually for me I listen and get ideals. Something nice and thoughtful, anything that is too lavish may make the gift exchange seems awkward. If your guy or gal has a hobby maybe you can buy something that will help complete the hobby. If s/he is a music fan of a particular artist maybe you can purchase a nice CD anthology. Also I really like buying people those nice items that they may see in the store, but may not necessary buy for them. I mean small stuff like a nice candle, or really nice PJs…it is always good if you are giving away small gifts to let them serve as a theme. If the theme is relaxation a bottle of wine, nice candle and some cute and comfortable flannel shorts from VS. If your guy likes to read and maybe a nice book or two will do the trick and if he drinks coffee or tea you can add that in with the books. IMO the theme gifts are successful.

Dan

December 14th, 2009
9:15 am

@Professor

No offense intended but, that seems kinda like cowardice to me. I’m not in the habit of lying to folks, and when asked, I’d kinda like an answer beyond “just friends” to give to my family.

‘Cause once the liquor starts flowing, ‘just’ is never enough…

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
9:22 am

Dan,

What part of my answer seems like cowardice to you. Please copy/paste that sentence.

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
9:31 am

? It is still early for some reason I left off my ? in that first sentence.

Dan

December 14th, 2009
9:32 am

“…things are going great I feel just let things continue to flow.”

and “Do not…[I] repeat DO NOT allow the Holidays to add pressure to [your] new relationship.”

These statements read together as: “don’t press the issue” IMO.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 10 days til my birthday :-)

December 14th, 2009
9:34 am

Are you single or single-ish for the holidays?

I put the I in sIngle so I don’t have to worry about the awkwardness that a situation like that could precipitate…guess I’ll be lurking between this and experiments today.

Happy Monday Blog fam!! :mrgreen:

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
9:48 am

Well Dan I don’t see that as a coward statement unless you are trying to hang a mistletoe over someone’s head. I would wonder why the sense of urgency due to the Holidays. You will have to ask yourself if it wasn’t for the Holiday would you still be rushing into a relationship?

If things are flowing, why would the Holiday’s change things? Are you saying that eggnog brings out the lonely wolf in you? Letting things flow means doing what you normally would do and there is nothing coward about that statement. What is a bit bizarre is rushing into something with someone just because you see Holiday lights, a new year, a gift and some eggnog now that is the dumbest thing in the world for two grown people to do, and the start of a dysfunctional relationship

Dream_n~ Now wanting to give Rell a big hug :)

December 14th, 2009
9:57 am

Morning All!!

No expectations or obligations

Exactly Wise D.

Why put so much pressure into “being a couple” around the Holidays if it wasn’t there in the first place. I say continue on the road you’re on. Now if you “two” want to take that step go ahead take a leap of faith… But to force an “arrangement” or force someone to play the role just for the sake of creating this “picture” is just fooleywang at it’s best. IMO

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
9:59 am

Yup Professor we are >>>>>here<<<<<< :)

Raqi

December 14th, 2009
10:04 am

Appropriate gifts for early relationships, stick to the practical and inexpensive. They should be of the friend sort.

Dan

December 14th, 2009
10:07 am

@Prof

I’m not the one changing tunes do to the season, tis you.

We’ve had discussions this year about my propensity to allow things in a relationship to “be”. I’ve stood my ground on just that fact and been blasted for it in this forum as a less than ideal way to be in a relationship.

My opinion in that aspect has not changed, but if it’s the holidays and there are office parties, family gatherings, etc. that I and a young lady are attending; then we need to have that discussion prior to going so that there is no confusion. We need to be on the same page, esp. around family.

That said, if “just friends” is what we are, she’s not coming with me to a family function, because my female ‘friend’ would be uncomfortable (my aunts and female cousins are NOSY to the “n-th” degree).

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m good with it either way. For me, it’s more about aligning expectations to reality.

Dan

December 14th, 2009
10:09 am

@Prof/Dream

I’m saying that to WD’s point about expectations, it’s better to have the conversation than to have someone’s feeling get bruised.

It’s the adult thing to do, IMO.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 14th, 2009
10:20 am

Morning all.

I am single for these holidays and it’s not really a bad thing. Gift wise, I think a nice card anmd gift card to Starbucks or a restaruant gift card with enough value for lunch is just fine. You dont want to come across as a trick even with the holidays.

I will be in Chicago for Christmas and NYE. My biggest issue is meeting girls who dont live in Atlanta. I refuse to get into another long distance relationship.

@SlimOne

Question, so you guy’s are basically about to have a premeditated breakup? It’s kind of planned already?

???

December 14th, 2009
10:20 am

Raqi

December 14th, 2009
10:22 am

Dan, IMO if a person is not one that you would have accompany you to a gathering or party at any other time of the year, then don’t drag them along to a holiday gathering.

If you haven’t had to notion for your new love interest to meet your folks before now, don’t let the season change that.

Melo

December 14th, 2009
10:22 am

Oooohh boy!

Good morning folks! :lol:

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
10:23 am

@ Dan

(I’ll entertain this discussion)

So why does it take the “holidays” to define the status of the relationship?

Melo

December 14th, 2009
10:26 am

that I and a young lady are attending; then we need to have that discussion prior to going so that there is no confusion

what are u talking about..??

you and a young lady or u and ur girlfriend??

a young lady who is just ur friend..and then u have a discussion prior to attending a party??? discussion bout what if u are friends,u are friends…where is the confusion???

SlimOne...??

December 14th, 2009
10:28 am

@MDOT lol yeah I guess you could say that. I think in many relationships, at some point in time, you and the SO may kind of get off track or become a little disconnected for whatever reason. So we are currently at one of those times where one person feels one way, while the other doesn’t. It’s not as if something MAJOR such as an infidelity has occured so I guess that’s why we’ve taken this approach. I myself am not necessarily sure what change the next few weeks will bring but sounded like an OK plan at the time. Who knows, the holidays may, in some miracle way, bring forth some new light or give us that boost we need now. So until then, I will be known as SlimOne Question mark. LMAO!

Leggs - R Hurting!

December 14th, 2009
10:29 am

Good morning, everyone.

“I am single for these holidays and it’s not really a bad thing.” Ditto!

Dan

December 14th, 2009
10:32 am

@Raqi

Agreed; but she may not be on the same page. If I’m “not there” with her, that needs to be stated.

@Dream

First, thank you for ‘entertaining’ me, it’s truly appreciated.

Second, it’s not the holidays that rush these kinds of discussions, it’s a number of events: going out on a date and running into an ex, friends, or family (this city is not that large).

The holidays seem to create these tensions by virtue of being with someone and the professional/personal obligations during this time of year.

Dig it, I just don’t want her to introduce me as ‘[her] boyfriend’ and I feel the need to correct her.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
10:40 am

If youre not my girlfriend dont expect to meet Moma and nem.. I dont take dates to functions cause its always good to show up alone and be the lone wolf in the room.. Mysterious and well dressed.. Speaking to everyone and no one..

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
10:42 am

Dan – Its too much to ask for honesty and logic about the situation. Its always expected but never given in return..

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 14th, 2009
10:44 am

@SlimOne…??

Interesting. LOL. So you should ask yourself some questions. How do you really feel about him?

Are you just keeping him around so you arent lonely for the holidays or are you keeping him around until something better comes along?

Also, how would you feel if he meets someone else or a better situation? Like if he calls you up like:

Guy: Hey Slim, whats up?

SlimOne: Hey!

Guy: Ok, since we are adults, Im going to get right to the point. I understand that we decided to take a different approach to our relationship…

Slim…Yes…and?

Guy: Well, I decided to pursue other options.

Slim?…Really?

Guy: Yeah, I think she is a better fit for me and what I am looking for. Happy New Year! Good Bye

Slim:…..

Dan

December 14th, 2009
10:45 am

@DK

Do you watch “House”? Did you see last weeks episode?

I might have to get some cough syrup, just to date.

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
10:47 am

Dan.. I’m attempting to understand the logic…

I mean is this your friend who has the capability of becoming your mate in the future or is this just a friend..

I mean have you guys not defined that already.. How long have you guys been dating? Or are you dating? Is she a FWB? Or is she a hang out type buddy?

Let’s just be frank.. What is the nature of the relationship between you two at this very moment???

SlimOne...??

December 14th, 2009
10:48 am

(for those offended easily please close your eyes & ears)

@Infamous – what kind of meat comes with that bread? :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
10:49 am

Pay Attention..

I’m on the outside
I’m looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you’re ugly
You’re ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

Dan

December 14th, 2009
10:51 am

@Dream

Unfortunately I don’t divulge that kind of information. I don’t violate other people’s privacy.

So should you choose to continue this conversation, think of everything in the hypothetical or abstract.

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
10:52 am

Hey Dream I am happy it makes sense and somebody feels me! BTW, sorry about your Bears!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
10:56 am

Slimone – Grade A Black Angus Beef.. No by products.. No Fillers.. No Presevatives.. No artificial flavors.. Excellent source of Protein..

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
10:59 am

So should you choose to continue this conversation, think of everything in the hypothetical or abstract.

Okay Dan… I throw in the towel.
I live in the real/now/what’s really happening.. so I can’t really divulge in your hypothetical/abstract life.

So good Luck with that!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
10:59 am

Dan – I dont watch house but my Sister says I need to give it a chance..

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
11:01 am

Professor…

I gave up about 3 games ago :cry:
I had high hopes with Cutler…. then my baby Brian was injured… so umm I’ll sit back and wait for next year…

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
11:01 am

@Dan~ well it appears to me that you are trying to change the topic. If you read my post you will see that I answered WD questions. Simply put if going to an office party makes you want to be her man, well have your discussion. As for ME, I don’t need the Holidays to make me get all warm and gooey over somebody…I let things flow, because there is a lot more living to do after the Christmas tree comes down and the fruitcake is gone.

~Dream it is obvious that Dan is single. Girl Stop! A man that is “cutting” does not engage in these conversations for this length of time!

My screen is not refreshing so please be patient with me on this technical problem

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 10 days til my birthday :-)

December 14th, 2009
11:03 am

@Infamous – what kind of meat comes with that bread?

Inquiring minds would like to know :mrgreen:

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
11:04 am

Dream ^5 on that 10:59! :sad: I had to shed a tear for my Falcons as well!

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
11:06 am

Hey Melo YES SIR on that 10:26

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 10 days til my birthday :-)

December 14th, 2009
11:06 am

Grade A Black Angus Beef…. Excellent source of Protein..

Aww shucky ducky…..that’s what I’m talkin’ bout thurr. Tell it like it t-i-z…

THE INFAMOUS DK aka MR. FRESH BAKED BREAD

December 14th, 2009
11:06 am

Sassy – What kinda meat you like on your fresh baked bread??

Slimone – Same question…

Oh and answer carefully Slim cause I’ll be in the auction this week.. I sold a car over the weekend..

Grace

December 14th, 2009
11:07 am

Good morning folsk!

Holiday foliday—Bah humbug! :evil:

Dan

December 14th, 2009
11:08 am

@Professor

Assuming facts not in evidence….you should know better (ie the scientific method and all).

@Dream

That’s cool.

Grace

December 14th, 2009
11:09 am

Too much tension this time of the year whether you’re dating/relationship or married.. too many expections to ones own selfish need/deed….

Dream_n~ Honorary GA Peach

December 14th, 2009
11:12 am

It’s only tension if you make it tension. I view the “Holidays” more so as a chance to be with the family. Do the usually, knee slapping laughs, telling of the stories, catching up… kinda stuff

And if you have a SO to share it with just “BE”.

Professor ~NOT that professor

December 14th, 2009
11:14 am

I meant to add that I have a wonderful male friend that is married now, but when we were both single he would always ask me to go to company parties and to his Frat functions. We were strictly friends and we would go and trip out…people always wondered what was the connection, and we would say we were great friends from undergrad and grad school. It worked well because we laughed and tripped out and we did not have to worry about anything The moral of the story is if you are going to a professional function that may impact your career you better make a wise decision and not try to bring someone you don’t know where they stand, you should take someone that knows proper protocol and small talk and will not cause a stir after drinking too much free liquor. As for family if you already made family plans let them know and if possible exchange gifts on Christmas Eve and have private moment.

Leggs - Too Much Dancing!

December 14th, 2009
11:15 am

@Grace ~ why is there tension? Are any of these “expectations” being verbalized? It seems that a lot want mind readers aroun this time of year.

Grace

December 14th, 2009
11:17 am

Dream_n no tension for me since I don’t partake in the “holidays”. I should’ve stated for some….it’s tension.