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Go Deeper

One of the best part of going out with someone new is exploring their personality.  Not only are you putting in face time to determine how strong your attraction is, you also get to discover the way they think.

When things are going well, you move past the shallow conversations and small talk. I love to go deeper in conversations and find out how much we are alike, how we differ, and even learn something new.

Once you go below the surface, you find out what a person is truly passionate about. In my experience, this is how you manage to get to a second and third dates.  You both are so captivated by the conversation, you can’t wait for another opportunity to, well go deeper!

It is always a great sign when you can have a great discussion with someone you are attracted to.  I think that a person’s dating conversation can make or break a date.  Have you ever been  on a second date with someone whose conversation left you confused, annoyed, or bored? Trust me, if you struggle with this, it’s something you should work on.

What do you like to discuss on a date? If you find out that you are intellectually unmatched, do you think your attraction to the person would fade?

Update: Check out our fabulous Atlanta Bargain Hunger blog! Today, Miss Cash covers  Cheap Date Ideas perfect for the holiday season!

493 comments Add your comment

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:01 am

Great Topic!!! I will be taking notes today from those that are mastering this concept…..This is my third date this evening with the new guy so It is time to go deeper…..lol….

czBrat

December 10th, 2009
9:07 am

GM All!

what do i like to discuss on a date? pretty much anything and everything. even if it’s a topic i’m not up on, it’s an opportunity to learn something new. if there’s no engaging convo on the first date i wouldn’t look forward to a second. deep convo is about the best way to really get to know someone.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:10 am

besides sports, politics, religion, and the current events what else “deep” can we discuss and truly don’t want to discuss the past relations or should you even discuss childhoods????

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:13 am

does actions over time make you know a person more vs convo??? just a thought…

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 14 days til my birthday :-)

December 10th, 2009
9:18 am

If you find out that you are intellectually unmatched, do you think your attraction to the person would fade?

Eventually it would….I mean the physical will get my attention in the beginning but that alone won’t/can’t keep it. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone I can’t have meaningful,intellectual convo with…granted, we won’t be discussing the string theory of the evolution of the cosmos/universe but I don’t want to be “booed up” with Cleophus the fool either.

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
9:19 am

I say keep be open to discuss anything, because thats how you will get to know the person, you can get some insight on how the person may be. I don’t like rules that say one the first date you shouldn’t talk about politics or religion. If the conversation is flowing go with it.

LadyJ- why not discuss past relationships especially if there is a baby mama involved, somethings can be revealed about them in a relationships.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:23 am

WW great point but he he divorced no kids I was talking more of the baggage just rehashing the past….yeah maybe in one convo but not all and I have seen where the past keeps coming up in convo….how much is too much is my thought and how can I make that convo go deep???

abc

December 10th, 2009
9:24 am

A woman’s most attractive attribute is her brain. Without intelligence and maturity, it doesn’t really much matter what she looks like, as far as actual relationships go.

Water seeks its own level, and like-minded people are the same. There’s someone for everyone.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 14 days til my birthday :-)

December 10th, 2009
9:25 am

Water seeks its own level, and like-minded people are the same. There’s someone for everyone.

Whoop there it is

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:27 am

yep sassy abc’s quote is deep!

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
9:32 am

does actions over time make you know a person more vs convo???

I have been told by some of my male friends thats how women will get to know a man best…let his actions speak (actions speak louder than words). Let his actions reveal who his is. I wonder is that true because some men internalize, and are not as revealing as some women in conversations. Maybe thats how I get in trouble with dating because I like to ask questions, I think it helps you understand a person.

A good friend of mine said he went out on one date with women she asked some many questions on the first date, she won’t stop talking. He said it was a big turn off. So you have gauge how deep you go, because it could turn into annoyance!!

kinderbabe

December 10th, 2009
9:35 am

i totally agree w/abc’s comment. when two people are like minded there’s no effort to get “deep.” it’s one of those things where you are or you aren’t. not saying that one is super serious 24/7 but the desire to have more than a surface convo is there and like parties naturally gravitate towards that opportunity. the first deep convo one can have is by looking their person of interest in the eyes. it’s there that you find out most of what you need to know.

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
9:35 am

Is there really someone for everyone??????? Uhmmmmm
I always wondered about that!

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 10th, 2009
9:39 am

“Have you ever been on a second date with someone whose conversation left you confused, annoyed, or bored?”

YES! I have seen this alot. Some of these females are full of it. Bragging on themselves and just stroking their ego’s. It’s almost like they are trying to sell themselves to you sometimes.

Also women complain about this, but women in Atlanta have this REAL bad: The whole name dropping where you go, who you hang with, yada yada and it reeks of desperation for acceptance.

“What do you like to discuss on a date?”

What I discuss on the a date is not much. I have a formula. I try to listen. The idea for guys is to kinda of be a psychiatrist. I want her talking as much as possible. For guys, also you have to ask the right questions. I start off with the general stuff, get a good feel for them, then I ask the real questions, like when the last time they were in love, what their last relationship was like, what type of guys they like etc. You dont want to come off like a private investigator, but you want her engaged. You would be surprised what you can find out if you listen.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:40 am

WW I was eluding to that some men just don’t like to talk and God forbid the 99 questions statr you lose all attention and the eyes on every tail that walks by…..lolol but there is a way I feel some women can hold a man’s attention there are many great relationships out there….

and yes WW actions speak louder to me any day….I am going to be myself tonight but I will be observing more than speaking…I am just saying…lol

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
9:43 am

kinderbabe- are you saying there is such a connection with a person that is like automatic that a deeper conversation will be there. If so, agree. With some men its just there…that mysteriously invisible connection.

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
9:45 am

LadyJ- I have learned to zip my mouth, and just observe too. In due time things will be revealed thru actions or conversation.

kinderbabe

December 10th, 2009
9:51 am

Wonderwoman-that’s what i meant. the conversation unfolds naturally. of course there are the jitters and nervousness that comes w/meeting someone new but the desire to connect just “clicks” and you find yourself talking about all sorts of things. i’ve been dating my guy for almost 2 years and we always have stuff to talk about, silly and serious…lol. our level of conversation has challenged and stimulated me in many ways which is important. i believe that the best person for anyone makes them think about things on a new level…whatever that level may be. you know?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 14 days til my birthday :-)

December 10th, 2009
9:52 am

abc’s quote is deep!

Lady J abc tells it like it t-i-z. I like to read abc as well as Dan,DK and East Point….they’re as deep as the Grand Canyon and give advice from the male perspective that I find quite bonafide.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit..feeling yummy with 14 days til my birthday :-)

December 10th, 2009
9:55 am

I have learned to zip my mouth, and just observe too. In due time things will be revealed thru actions or conversation.

Okay?! That is soo true especially on the just observing tip b/c a mouth can say anything in a conversation but it’s the actions that really tell it. Can’t wait to read the rest of the guys on this one today. :)

SlimOne

December 10th, 2009
9:56 am

Good morning all!

Being that I am a person who loves communication, I’m not so much into necessarily WHAT it is I talk about with a person. I just simply enjoy the banter of back and forth communication & conversation. YES, it is a turn off to be bombarded by overly sexual questions and topics in the beginning but other than that, I’m open. I simply cannot stand when I feel i have to pull strands of my hair out just to keep the convo from drowning. If we have to force a convo early on, then that causes my interest to wane that much faster.

I don’t want to be the one who always has to come up with a subject to discuss. I tend to throw many questions out there, so i like for the other person to be able to throw some back. Make me think

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
9:57 am

sassy that’s why I threw out the ACTION comment!!!! Man it tells the whole story short term and long term! It is what it is!

Cemeeli

December 10th, 2009
9:57 am

Water seeks its own level, and like-minded people are the same. There’s someone for everyone.

I agree…the spiritual principal is very important to me.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

…Good morning…

Professor

December 10th, 2009
9:58 am

Hola Happy People!

I will say this. I like for conversations to take a natural flow…nothing pushed, nothing planned, I hate the invasive conversations and conversations that feels like an interview. I believe in the Biblical principle that iron sharpens iron. Therefore both parties must have the marbles to go deep otherwise you get the frivolous stuff like weaves, nails and who can fart the loudest. Disclaimer that does not mean the conversation has to be stiff it just means you cannot go deep with a novice or unreflective thinker

Cemeeli

December 10th, 2009
9:59 am

@ Sassy – I’m better today missy….My moms had the weird dream lastnight. :)

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:02 am

Deep Professor! I Love Learning!

Leggs - F and F

December 10th, 2009
10:03 am

Good morning!

Through conversation you get to know a person, especially if they’re always serious or always silly. Through conversation you quickly find out if there are intellectual layers to a person (much like Dante’s Inferno).

@LadyJ ~ a person’s actions dictate their character.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:07 am

yes it does Leggs! truly appreciate your wisdom! seriously!

Dream_n~ Soaring above the Fray/With 18 more days til my Bday

December 10th, 2009
10:08 am

Good Morning All,

I enjoy a conversation that flows, much like the rest of you guys do. I don’t want to feel like I’m being tested on different subjects or feel as though I’m being interviewed as Prof stated. I love the natural, easy, flow of a genuine conversation.

Dan

December 10th, 2009
10:09 am

If you find out that you are intellectually unmatched, do you think your attraction to the person would fade?

and

I don’t like rules that say one the [any] date you shouldn’t talk about politics or religion. If the conversation is flowing go with it.

The first of these is my main problem. I love to converse (not conversate) with an intelligent person. A stimulating discussion with an attractive woman is the best thing ever.

The second point is a matter of great pride and interest to me. A debate about politics (as theater or political practice) and religion (no matter how close the topic is to your belief system) is tough enough. But to have not only the courage of one’s convictions, but the intellect to express those convictions passionately (and dispassionately when appropriate) is a beautiful thing.

Religion, politics, and someone’s passion in life grants a window into what kinda person you’re dealing with. Watch the way someone eyes or voice lights up when speaking about something they are passionate about. It sheds a true light on that person; sometimes, their soul.

MsM

December 10th, 2009
10:09 am

If we have to force a convo early on, then that causes my interest to wane that much faster.

Been here, when the thought crossed my mind.. “now what do we/I talk about”? I knew then it was a wrap BORING!

Raqi

December 10th, 2009
10:11 am

Matched conversation is very important. Whether it is as deep as dissecting atoms or as simplistic as naming your favorite entertainers mutual enjoyment is what matters.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:11 am

Now Dan that is real talk really…beyond the surface stuff but one’s belief about each factor is stimulating….

Dream_n~ Soaring above the Fray/With 17 more days til my Bday

December 10th, 2009
10:12 am

When a guy can get my jokes without me having to explain them, that’s an added bonus…

Being funny can be obtained by almost anyone, but being witty comes through intelligence!

A man that’s witty….oh yea we can get a lil deep :wink:

MsM

December 10th, 2009
10:12 am

@ Dan 10:09 Perfect, well stated.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:13 am

So Dan do I ask directly what are you passionate about or get to it through the convo of those topics…I can be direct and matter of fact and I think I need to tone it down some…

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:15 am

Dream_n my sense of humor sucks but I am working on being more relaxed and enjoying the moment…it isn’t easy….lol a bit too serious but a little scared to let my hair down for some reason…yeah I am guarded

Wonderwoman

December 10th, 2009
10:16 am

Leggs- a person’s actions dictate their character

I was thinking that too. Their words (conversations) should have a corresponding action. So a man thinketh, so is he!

Dan

December 10th, 2009
10:16 am

@Sassy/WonderWoman

Observation has it’s place, but active listening is appropriate as well.

Don’t just sit there waiting for the guy to pique your interest (I’m not on this date to entertain you), gauge his level of intellect vs. yours.

It sounds silly, but I know by the ‘level’ (i.e. logic, interpretation) of a woman’s conversation, whether or not my interest is physical or more. If all we’re talking about is pop culture or news of the day, I’m kinda done. If there are no personal revelations or discussion about what life has taught you thus far, she kinda slots herself into ‘jumpoff’ status.

If you’re looking for a real connection, create one.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 10th, 2009
10:18 am

I like the natural flow of a conversation as well, nothing forced or too much like an interview, as has been stated. I like those conversations where you find out by listening/watching as opposed to asking everything

Dan – “Watch the way someone eyes or voice lights up when speaking about something they are passionate about. It sheds a true light on that person; sometimes, their soul.” ^5 on this one, so true!

And yes I too appreciate a lot of the insight the fellas of Blogsville share.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:19 am

Dan

December 10th, 2009
10:20 am

@Lady J

I hate small talk. I don’t want to know about your favorite color, or what your day was like (if I find myself having those conversations, I check out mentally).

I want to know what drives a person. What gets you up in the morning. What’s the one thing in your life that, given the opportunity you would do day in and day out? I’ve been known to ask “what is your passion?”

Why beat around the bush? I’m not trying to have fo/five dates and not know anything about you other than particulars.

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:23 am

Dan I am using that middle paragraph this evening seriously bc I do like the guy and I want to know those attributes….Loving your POV on this topic! Thanks!

Dream_n~ Soaring above the Fray/With 17 more days til my Bday

December 10th, 2009
10:24 am

Exactly Dan!

I love when a guy has passion. I’m very passionate about my teaching and it comes across each time I talk about it. You can feel the hightened sense of enthusiasm when I explain my plan as it relates to what I want to accomplish. Now to have a man exude that same type level of passion! Well that goes without saying!

Lady J

December 10th, 2009
10:25 am

and I like how you broke down observation and active listening….I am NOT the best listener I will admit that but growth and change is always welcome for different and better results!!!!

Professor

December 10th, 2009
10:25 am

Oh yea, I have found that the type of date often dictates the flow of conversation. I like it when we get together as a team and plan something fun where you can be silly and trip out like riding go carts or going to look at christmas lights. I like going to see a musical piece at the ASO and coffee afterwards…those things help stimulate the conversation.

Pet Peeve: I hate to go see a movie and the person acts like the movie was “real” when we discuss it afterwards. Just because it is on TV does not mean it is real.

SexyCool - Favorite Color: Red

December 10th, 2009
10:31 am

Three Words Daily – Find your mirror.

Dan

December 10th, 2009
10:31 am

@Professor

‘Activity’ dates in the beginning are not my thing. Later in a relationship, they can be “team building” exercises. But in the beginning, I want to get to know you (all of you). I need to know if this is worth what little time I have to devote to it. And going somewhere participating in activities isn’t conducive to that, IMO.

How can we talk if we always doing something?

kinderbabe

December 10th, 2009
10:34 am

sexy cool–nice three words:) basically, sums up the topic.

Professor

December 10th, 2009
10:35 am

Dan,

IMO an activity followed by a nice cup of coffee or an ice cream cone is great. I feel it took me 30 plus years to become who I am so staring in my face looking down my throat is not going to give you everything you need to know. Observation, seeing a person in action, watching them interact and respond to others all adds to getting a 360 insight.