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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Bad Romance

It doesn’t matter how many times Lady Gaga sings it, being caught in a bad romance is like being stuck on a broken carousel being operated by an evil clown. The worst part of it is that we willingly hop on the ride and subject ourselves to the vicious cycle of drama.

You know what they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem. So admit it.  The bad romances you end up with is partly because you are attracting what you are putting out there.  When you have low self-esteem, lack confidence and believe that you don’t deserve better, you don’t get any better. This shows in the choices you make in people that you let occupy your mental space and time.

I was guilty of doing this and it wasn’t until I figured out how great I am  (no, seriously I was slow to realize it) that I started to discover what it was like to date someone else who is great. I had to go through too many bad romances but you don’t have to!

First, how do you define a bad romance? How do you know when it’s bad? It may sound like a strange question but a lot of times we don’t know until it’s too late how bad it is.

Second, how do you get off the cycle of bad romances? What has worked for you?

Third, once you are in a good position to find a good romance, how do you avoid messing it up?  There are definitely some adjustments to be made when you are so used to the bad romances from your past. When it is good, relaxing into it and keeping the drama at bay could be challenging but not impossible.

Getting off the bad romance carousel before 2010? Yes, please! Let’s Discuss

322 comments Add your comment

ImAPeach404

December 1st, 2009
10:49 am

It may make the heart grow fonder but in all likelyhood it makes the heart grow cold for that person because you begin to see you dont have to have drama in your life.. AGREED!!!

@ M. – I don’t mind… my main issue right now is the calling. We used to talk ALL the dang-on time. Lots of communication during the work day, after work, all night. Texting when we weren’t talking. I like that, lol. But, it has slowed down. And it leaves me a little unfulfilled. I really enjoy talking to him and I miss the frequent communication. It’s VERY simple and in the grand scheme of things… it’s really my only complaint. I’ve spoken on it and he knows I have issue with it. It’s not enough to make me say “eff it” and stop talking to him and I see him (for a short while) making an effort. The two things that bothered me was when he said “I’m not going to check in” – I dont like that he felt he was “checking in” and the second is that I feel like you shouldn’t start things you cannot keep up.

Thats all… nothing huge :)

Dan

December 1st, 2009
10:50 am

@Dream

I’m not speaking about the people that would mislead you, I’m talking about self deception. The kind that leads to “I’ll deal with it for a little while, (s)he’ll change.”

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
10:50 am

Truth – Honestly my marriage didnt have to end badly we just kept sticking in there trying to faux work on it. Thus tearing it to h3ll.. The key is to end a relationship before it gets all torn to h3ll because its no coming back from that. Respect and everything else goes out the window.. When you dont do it right there is really no way you can be cool until time has healed all wounds.. Then it aint even cool its just whatever you call it..

mqew

December 1st, 2009
10:51 am

Hey Truth – Haven’t read you in awhile… Hope all is well :-)

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
10:52 am

Truth – Oh yeah bring me back a slew of Muslim wives.. I need a harim that understands its all about Daddy D.. Thank you Good Sir and keep your head down and if it gets too hectic.. Run Forrest Run!!

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
10:53 am

Smh, Smh, Smh…..

People don’t want to be picky about who the lay down with/spend their time with, but they wanna blow a fuse if someone dares to bring them out grape jelly instead of strawberry….

and especially if you’ve been in numerous or even one “bad romances/relationships”…

I need this clarrified for me.. because something is just not adding up..

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
10:56 am

Hi!…

well, well, well…methinks someone a.k.a. Ali is extracting the fatty, and telling the real deal about about giving your relationship “space” and calling it like it is…

if we are an “item” how does “space” make our relationship stronger? giving you a “break”, and allowing you “space” are two different playing fields…you have to watch for which fire you’re playing with.

u can find anybody that is 100% of what u like..NO WAY..

Melo

See, this is what sooo true…’n what’s even more genuine about this is that once we realize it, and live according to the fact that we’ll not get everything that we WANT, that our most needed desires will be fulfilled!…love, and realtionship…

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
10:56 am

@ Dan

That stil happens too, believe it or not.. Think about the most outlandish dilema, dealing with a relationship and I can guarantee you someone is going through it/livin it/breathing it…

It’s not healthy, but its life.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 1st, 2009
10:56 am

Infamous – “The key is to end a relationship before it gets all torn to h3ll because its no coming back from that.” I had to repost that b/c that is that for real one hunnit!

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
10:58 am

Peach – Those two things can lead to a communication breakdown.. Dont let resentment set in cause then its “I dont give a Fcuk!” Said in my West coast Cali lingo

Leggs

December 1st, 2009
11:01 am

Wow, gone for a few and have a lot to read.

@ImAPeach ~ started at 11:25.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 1st, 2009
11:02 am

@ImAPeach404

That’s an interesting issue but not a big issue. Here is my feeling: I think he wants to keep it fresh and not calling as much is a good way of doing that. People like things that are rare. Also, he probably does not want to feel like he is sweating you either. In his mind, you guys will at some point run out of things to talk about. He probably does not want to come across as boring also. Like you said, you like to talk on the phone, so that works for you but I am wondering what made the calls slow down though. Your thoughts?

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:03 am

@ Peach – I can see where to non communcation would be an issue…if you’re doing all the communicating and he’s thinking it’s “checking in”…then that’s a problem.

gotta nip that!

mqew

December 1st, 2009
11:03 am

DreamN I took what you said as you trying to find that ‘perfect’ person. Not that you were trying not to be in a bad relationship. Perhaps I read you wrong.

Melo

December 1st, 2009
11:04 am

Dream_n??

u and i are arguing about sup[posedly diff things.

I said pple cannot be 100%, or “that” precise..

U said “No Melo”, they can be picky……..

I agree on picky, I dont agree on 100% precision,which was my initial stance.U agree in ur 10.37. Som None changed 4 me.

Make sense??

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:04 am

sorry for the bold tag, guys…

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:04 am

Dream – Come on babe.. Seriously the jelly reference missed me..

Look if youve been in one or more bad relationship it doesnt make you a bad person. It doesnt make them a bad person.. I mean you two might be at different points in your life..

I want you to come back and say that after you next relationship fails cause it will thn somewhere along the way you find the person that is right for you.. Its trial and error and you seem to be missing the trials.. You are a candidate for an easy skankin.. Somebody gone have you with your booty sideways talkin bout “I know I shouldnt be doin this”

The Truth-Somewhere in the desert playing

December 1st, 2009
11:05 am

Dan, whats up dude? I’ll be over here for 2 more years. I had some major wounds and being over here gives me the best chance to recover. You can save a lot of loot over here so I’ll stay. LOL

Mo, I’m going to let you in on a secret. The desert gets cold. The temps dropping fast. How’s the short one doing? You have him involved in something for the winter?

Infamous, check your mail next week. I’m dropping 6 hotties dressed in all black in a box for you. Oh yeah, these models have been trained all their lives to please. Take a moment to catch up on your rest, you’re gonna need it. LOL

Peach,? Does the closeness of the relationship not replace the need to talk all the time? As things go on there’s naturally less to talk about as daily life and the newness wears off. Thing is its replaces with a closeness thar fills in the wuiet moments. Or you could just go out and do something “different” to jump start things again.

Leggs

December 1st, 2009
11:06 am

Dont let resentment set in cause then its “I dont give a Fcuk!” Excellent point. Walking around with bitterness is a wasted emotion. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put a smile on your face and ENJOY with or without a partner. Like my friend, she’s letting a man define her existence as a woman! P o p p y c o c k! (Had to split up the word cuz blog machine frowns on the last four letters.)

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:07 am

M. Well, if it comes across as nagging, I can see his side too.

Is that what you really wanna ask Peach?

is what i sense.

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:09 am

Truth – Im stretchin now, doin my 123 waybacks and joggin in place.. I got on my Dennis Rodman shorts with my man hanging out the bottom.. I got something for em alright..

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:11 am

a non gender base quote but said by many…—>”i know i shouldn’t be doing this”….and i cain’t help but laugh when i hear it…

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 1st, 2009
11:11 am

@Cemeeli

That’s not what I wanted to ask at all. If I wanted to, I would have asked. I am the one that asked her what issue was unfulfilling to her anyway.

I think Peach meant that she likes to talk and communicate with him on the regualar and it slowed down and she wants to know why.

I just think the newness is wearing off maybe…That’s my take.

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:12 am

Peach – When he stops by today as soon as he comes in dont say anything, just drop and give him a presidential.. That’ll get him taking again..

Dan

December 1st, 2009
11:13 am

@Truth

Stay up bruh. Get that dough.

@Peach

I’mma agree with Truth on this one. I really like the part of the relationship when I don’t feel the need to ‘entertain’ with conversation, etc.

I get that you ladies like to share, but it gets to be a bit much. Maybe the pullback is his way of saying that. (Of course, asking him would be the best way of finding out)

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:14 am

Peach – and push him up against the door too like you taking it from him.. If it doesnt work for him it sure works for me and we can talk tak talk and talk some more.. Im just saying..

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
11:15 am

mqew & Melo : I think my intial post was misunderstood, but yes we agree on the noone is 100%… :grin:

As for Dk.. smh

I’m not missing the trails or errors.. My post was referencing me not dealing with bs that most of us women continue to stand for in a relatonship to try and make it work. I’m talking about being picky as to who you decide to let in. Letting in someone that is equally yolked with you, not just because they look or smell good. I’m talking about getting into a relationship based upon mutual interest, respect, common goals. i don’t think that’s too much to ask for..

That’s the problem now.. most of us are not looking at the big picture, we’re fiaxated on the small detail.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 1st, 2009
11:16 am

Truth – I heard the desert gets cold! I remember when you complaining about it being a 130 degrees out there! Lil Mo just finished soccer and now its time for basketball, then another round of teeball. Im loving it!

Cemeeli – I order my popcorn from that site this weekend! I cant wait!

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:17 am

Cee – You know you out there bad when you put the OOO on it.. “OOOO I know I shouldnt be doin this”

THE INFAMOUS DK

December 1st, 2009
11:19 am

Dream – Ok I can dig the mutual interest and blah blah blah. But please let me know when you say those words.. so I can say “Dream now turn ya booty the ther way.”

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:20 am

M. okay guy….It all just ties back to the relationship launguage…she’s more of a verbalizer and maybe he’s different and doesn’t as much…

See Truth’s respone about that here: Does the closeness of the relationship not replace the need to talk all the time? Thing is its replaces with a closeness that fills in the quiet moments. Or you could just go out and do something “different” to jump start things again

The closeness of the realtionship could very well trump his desire to “talk” alot.

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:23 am

Ali :) yup that “OOOOOH” gets you – I knew i shouldn’t be doing some things i’ve done…Then hey, it’s all in how you recover!

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
11:24 am

“Dream now turn ya booty the ther way.”

Okay.. I’m done. All I can do is laugh.

Melo

December 1st, 2009
11:26 am

I think the logical qstion to ask Peach is,”do u feel insecure in any way??”

Insecure pple,in ma view are the ones who may feel the need for constant talking coz it gives them the satisfaction that “HES THERE” :arrow:

I know that,being the luv doc that I am.

Peach???…..(doing the Ryan CAMERON FRIDAY SONG)

Now its on YOU!

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:28 am

Shawty by Nature I seen about 5 or 10 pop corn canisters i want. But then they are all the basic flavors…That site was better.

reminds me of Dale & Thomas…i actually have their account…i wonder if they’d send some new product samples like they’ve have before.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 1st, 2009
11:29 am

@Peach
“the second is that I feel like you shouldn’t start things you cannot keep up. ”

@Cemeeli

“she’s more of a verbalizer and maybe he’s different and doesn’t as much…”

I guess the issue is that Peach wonders what happened because he started off texting, calling, all the time etc and then he just slowed down. Like I said, it may be getting to routine and you guys need to switch it up.

THE INFAMOUS DK aka DK ALI

December 1st, 2009
11:29 am

Cee – What the Heezy apparently im Ali now.. Ok cause i do feel like Im the greatest of all tiiiiiiimmmmmeee!!

SexyCool - It is what it is.

December 1st, 2009
11:30 am

Past a quick check in here and there, TheDude and I don’t talk on the phone or text very often. I actually appreciate it.

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
11:34 am

M.

I’m with you dude, that newness does go away.. All that texting and calling in the beginning gradually fades away. That doesn’t mean he’s not still into ya.. It just means that we are now getting over the 1st phase of giddiniess (sp?) and now its time to get down to business…

THE INFAMOUS DK aka DK ALI

December 1st, 2009
11:36 am

Dream – Well Im an Aquarius, I like to ride my bike, like fast cars love new experiences and most of all I like spooning on a nice firm slim fully packed arse..

The Truth-Somewhere in the desert playing

December 1st, 2009
11:37 am

Infamous, lmao.

Peach, personally I love a woman that can laugh and talk but can enjoy a good quiet moment too. A little thing I do is when we’re driving I just stop talkin to see if there is an uncomfortable feeling. If so our spirits just may not be compatible, for whatever reason. Btw, I recommend you follow Infamous’s suggestion.

Mo, I can stand the cold because I can put on clothes to fight it. The heat is just plain wrong. Are you going to put him in something like music or ballet classes too. One thing I wish I had done as a child is learn some musical instrument, mostly because my singing skills just aren’t what I’d like them to be. Ok, its bad.

ImAPeach404

December 1st, 2009
11:37 am

@Leggs – thanks!

@ M. – I do know it’s not a big issue so I try not to make it such. However, I cannot help how it makes me feel. And actually, I hate talking on the phone but I really enjoy him so…
I cannot really say why they slowed down. He says he’s busy at work during this time of the year – fine. I can dig it. But, it’s hard not to think it’s something else. It could be anything. It could be nothing. It could be exactly what he says it is. Not really sure.

@Cee – exactly! I hate the fact that he views it as “checking in” and not just calling. I’m guessing thats something he’s brought along from his last relationship but it’s hard to say. Its all about perception and I dont see it as checking in. I just don’t.

Does the closeness of the relationship not replace the need to talk all the time? …Or you could just go out and do something “different” to jump start things again.

@Truth – I do think we are very close and that helps me not complain so much :) I try to focus on the time that when I start feeling unfulfilled. Something different like what???

trying to keep up! work is kicking my tail this morning :(

Cemeeli

December 1st, 2009
11:38 am

“Ali” came to mind when i read the Locs, for some reason…

btw – My favorite quote from Ali is: “I hated every minute of training, but I said, “Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”

SexyCool - It is what it is.

December 1st, 2009
11:39 am

But the thing that’s different from what Peach is talking about is – that’s how we have been from jump.

My advice is to not give phone calls and text messages that much value. What you focus on is what will become a problem. Like I’ve said in the past week, it’s the little foxes that spoil the vine. If everything else is kosher in y’alls sht, then this is definitely a little fox.

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
11:40 am

Well DK I’m a Capricorn, I like to ride on the back of bikes, I too enjoy fast cars, new expriences excite me, and we can definately do some spooning :grin:

MsM

December 1st, 2009
11:40 am

Infamous – “The key is to end a relationship before it gets all torn to h3ll because its no coming back from that.” My ex-husband could not understand this concept. When I decided I wanted a divorce, I really tried to talk to him… we’d had a lot of good years, and we should leave the marriage decently and in order the way we went in. I told him to be careful what he said or did to me, but did he listen? I don’t even LIKE him a little!

Melo

December 1st, 2009
11:40 am

Peach/Dream_n

my Queen calls me too smetimes when im doing my reports and talking to u guys..

I just blow her off and say im busy coz shes that touchy feely type too,smetimes…

oh maybe its just a female thing..esp after u hit that booty last nite..

SWISS?? u can chime in..we on topic now…booteeey! :lol:

DK Aquarius too here! my other lady,Mytwo,knows that :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK aka DK ALI

December 1st, 2009
11:41 am

Dream – Who am I kidding i love spooning on a nice firm Arse no matter the size..

Dream_n

December 1st, 2009
11:43 am

If everything else is kosher in y’alls sht, then this is definitely a little fox.

Very true SexyC…..

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 1st, 2009
11:44 am

Cemeeli – My sister and I both ordered a canister (or two). It was harder trying to decide what flavors to get.