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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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It’s Human Nature, Really?

There is nothing more distracting to a good weekend of football then breaking gossip news reports about a high profile sports figure having an affair.  I take that back, there is one thing more distracting, when said prominent sports figure allegedly argues with his wife and wrecks his SUV about having an affair.

While Tiger Woods is making all attempts at damage control, a lot of people are speculating about the entire situation.  As always, a lot of people subscribe to the school of thought that anyone who is wealthy and powerful will never remain faithful.  Then others think that monogamy is simply not natural.  This argument always perplexes me because I have yet to see it this way.

What does it mean that it’s human nature to cheat? Is that logic simply based on biology?

I remember telling a guy that I wanted to be like the penguins and mate for life.  He argued back that they ALL look alike, so of course it is easier for them to mate for life. GREAT.  So much for my envy of penguin love!

Why do you think our society today views infidelity as a “natural” thing?  It no longer shocks or awes us, does it?

Do you think our generation is learning a different perspective about fidelity? Ladies, were you told outright or indirectly that all men cheat? Is it something you were conditioned to prepare for and deal with when it happened?

Guys how do you think your views on fidelity were shaped?  What is your position on monogamy being unnatural?

258 comments Add your comment

Ohio lurker

November 30th, 2009
8:34 am

People who lack self control cheat. People who don’t value monogamy cheat. Today’s view on monogamy is based upon the idea of instant gratification without concern for the resulting consequences.

Lady J

November 30th, 2009
9:08 am

I was just told women can’t do what men do and women who cheat espcially first and get caught are doomed to hell….A natural doudble standard to me that can’t be argued…It is what it is…I just feel some men (women) really master this act while others fall short and get caught up….Then again it’s many women (men) who tolerate and turn their heads to the act and hold together the business partnership….Cheating goes way back and when I discovered by folk in the church I may have to go with it’s human nature bc he it a real act that occurs more often than we speak of….just my thoughts…..lol

SlimOne

November 30th, 2009
9:11 am

Good morning All! Hope everyone enjoyed the holiday with family & friends or just your bottle of Holiday Spirits. :-)

Was speaking with my dad this weekend about this topic. He states he doesn’t feel that all men cheat. He said he feels there is a small percentage of men who are faithful that wouldn’t cheat but of THAT percent…if given the opportunity of knowing the secret would never be found out…that they would do it. So go figure!

I wasn’t necessarily taught that all people cheat growing up, but I have heard it more often as an adult. I do believe as our society has grown technology wise (from pagers, to cell phones to laptops to internet, etc) as well as more media-fed/aware that it shapes for more distracting atmosphere. Access and distraction are a result of these advances. Our fast food world has bred an environment where folks are driven by instant gratification. As time goes on, values & moral foundations seem to wain. JMO

Jeff

November 30th, 2009
9:11 am

To put in terms evryone can relate to: for some men, the appeal of eroticism is the same as a “sale” sign is for some women. It’s an instinct. Not everyone acts on it but the natural, split second, instinctive response is the same. Men are shamed for having that impulse and women are encouraged to act on the “sale” sign impulse. Hence black friday. Nice circle back there, eh?

Jeff

November 30th, 2009
9:17 am

To answer the question in one sentence: No, every man doesn’t cheat just as every woman doesn’t get geeked up for black friday. But statistically…….

Melo

November 30th, 2009
9:27 am

All men cheat,Period!!!!

NY2GA, Inc.

November 30th, 2009
9:29 am

I do not believe that all men cheat. Some do actually value committment when they make one.

Do you think our generation is learning a different perspective about fidelity?

Now, this is a loaded question in itself. It could be its’ own blog topic IMO. This generation is very different. I will just say that some of the kids that I have come in contact with are very loose sexually, take too many risks and seem to have no standards. Fidelity is not high on the priority list. Instant gratification is the main priority and some of them will get from whomever is offering (male or female or both). When my friends 18 year old daughter said that she was meeting her girls down for a night out at the strip club so that she could try to find a good man, I pretty much threw up my hands. It truly is a different time.

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
9:31 am

Happy Monday!

First of all, I hope that everyone enjoyed turkey day and was able to eat, rest and relax.

Now, is cheating human nature? I think it depends on what type of animal you relate to the most.

Are you a rat? Mate frequently like there is no tomorrow.
Are you a swan? Mate for life.

Maybe you are a dog? Running around the community providing your services to anything in heat.

Melo

November 30th, 2009
9:32 am

if given the opportunity of knowing the secret would never be found out…that they would do it

thanx u Slimone….

I like Tiger Woods and out of courtesy and due to my tremendous respect for him, I wont state what happened,suffice to say we was (sounding Swatslike)in Windemere Fl,in his neibhorhood, as my benefector’s guest!

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
9:32 am

Melo…

All men cheat,Period!!!!

Is this before or after the vows are spoken?

Dan

November 30th, 2009
9:33 am

Cheating is an act of convenience and pride.

If one has an overvalued (or under in some cases) sense of self and the opportunity to cheat, it’ll happen.

As for all (wo)men cheating, that’s just not true. Could it be most? Some? Yeah. But all, naw.

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
9:35 am

When my friends 18 year old daughter said that she was meeting her girls down for a night out at the strip club so that she could try to find a good man,

Well hot dayum! Yes we are living in different times

SlimOne

November 30th, 2009
9:36 am

@NYGA (When my friends 18 year old daughter said that she was meeting her girls down for a night out at the strip club so that she could try to find a good man, I pretty much threw up my hands. It truly is a different time.)

LOLOL! Well all the womens’ magazines tell us to go where the men are…LMAO! I wonder if a man were to meet a chick in the skrip club, what type of precedence that would set for how their dating experience would be thereafter…Hmmm?

Melo

November 30th, 2009
9:40 am

Is this before or after the vows are spoken?

Proffesor

its a lil more complicated than that…
Here is the deal,cheating is a state of mind…
when presented with a water tight situation or what seems like a water tight situation where they wont be found out,every man will cheat,Period!
Now,some here are going to tell yu that,”oh,my man has neva cheated as far as I know”..see,thats the thing…the opportunity has not presented itslef and it may neva..but thats beside the point.
Every woman,if it were me,should view every man as such and then take steps to mitigate against that happening..If u do that,u gangsta coz u know whats up and u doing whats required to protect ur relationship.
The pple who believe in the purity of men…I pity them coz they hurt the most when the reality sets it…..

But then again,they proly believe in God and Jesus and all that stuff,meaning,the believe in the fallibility of man..just not their marriage…Funny!! :lol:

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
9:42 am

@Slime and NYGA I was talking to a young man this weekend and he is handsome and one the right track. He was fussing about dating in Atlanta and his exact words were….”these heiffers are sitting up in the strip clubs NOW in the dayum way.”

From the way he spoke he is not interested in those women that are running to the strip club…he also mentioned a few other things about dating too…it was an interesting coversation I really did more listening than talking…maybe a probing question here or there

NY2GA, Inc.

November 30th, 2009
9:42 am

@Professor is… yes, indeed

@Slimone
I could speculate what tone that could set for dating (when a man meets a women at the strip club), but I’ll let a man answer. LOL.

Raqi...The Ringless One

November 30th, 2009
9:47 am

I wonder if a man were to meet a chick in the skrip club, what type of precedence that would set for how their dating experience would be thereafter…Hmmm?

SlimOne my marido and I were watching tv yesterday and he made a comment about how you meet a person can determine the nature of the relationship you will have with them. I was thinking sending a topic idea to WiseDiva about that.

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
9:51 am

Dang Melo!

Have you read the issue of Essence magazine with Steve Harvey and his wife? He speaks on the fact that she is the best thing that ever happened to him and how he loves her to pieces.

Leggs

November 30th, 2009
9:57 am

Good morning everyone. Hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving with friends, family and loved ones. Out of all things to be thankful for, I must admit the best time I had was with lil leggs helping me clean the greens all the while this off-tune rugrat is singing in my ear everything from Cold Play, Green Day, Maroon 5 to Taylor Swift. I stood there amused wondering why she wasn’t belting out any hip hop tunes. Just having her by my side helping made me feel really good! Dinner was FAB!

I do not believe all men cheat. I feel those that cheat due so because they lack self-control, respect for their mate and are very selfish. All can turn off their sexual proclivities if they so chose to. I have never understood the strong desire to fulfill a sexual encounter with someone other than your mate all the while throwing caution, respect and honor to the wind!

NY2GA, Inc.

November 30th, 2009
9:58 am

Have you read the issue of Essence magazine with Steve Harvey and his wife? He speaks on the fact that she is the best thing that ever happened to him and how he loves her to pieces.

Yes. Maybe Steve will keep THIS woman.

I think it’s great that he has had such great business opportunities. However, sometimes I think the man is full of it from a relationship “expert” perspective. Next month Hill Harper will probably be on the cover talking about sustaining Black love. But, when you ask him about his own love life you hear crickets.

and with that I’m outta here!

SexyCool - Never Cooking Holiday Dinner Solo Again

November 30th, 2009
9:59 am

Three Words Daily – Gotta stay grindin’.

SlimOne

November 30th, 2009
10:01 am

Melo (Every woman,if it were me,should view every man as such and then take steps to mitigate against that happening..If u do that,u gangsta coz u know whats up and u doing whats required to protect ur relationship) sorry forgot how to italicize

How in the world can you take steps to ‘mitigate against’ cheating happening in your relationship??? There, i’m sure, are women or men who are GREAT partners in their relationship who try their best not to have their partner lack for anything but yet still get cheated on. Unless you strap your spouse/partner to your back, take them everywhere they need to go and wipe their hiney’s when they take a poop I don’t believe there is anyway to CHEAT PROOF your relationship because if a person has that want or desire in their spirit it will happen. It’s called Free Will…

My uncle told one of his friends to just dabble gasoline on your hands or wrists after a night of cheating so it can drown out any signs/smells from the other women & your spouse will never know…try that on for size. lol

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:02 am

SCool do tell on the Holiday dinner. Are you still tired?

BTW, where is dream…I saw the frozen pound cake with the red top last night at the store…Sara Lee…LOL

Raqi...The Ringless One

November 30th, 2009
10:03 am

I have been told by some very trusted men that all men do not cheat. It like everything else is a choice you make.

Because they don’t cheat does not mean the temptations aren’t there. It just means they choose to withstand those temptations.

Some people not only take their marriage and vows to heart, some also know that it’s not worth losing what you have for something that can turn out to be far less.

Raqi...The Ringless One

November 30th, 2009
10:04 am

SexyCool what happened?

Melo

November 30th, 2009
10:09 am

@Slimone…i did not talk of CHEAT PROFF..u did.

But to answer ur point,at any company u have ever wrked for…however sophisticated they may be in their risk mitigation efforts,pple still steal.But they cannot let down,they take all reasonable precautions.

Its the same way..there is no way u can control somebody who wants to just do it..but there is way u can reduce that happening to a good man or woman without leaving them to too much temptation.

For example,there are woman on this blog who have said they wont want to date nor marry a proff athelete.Pudsy here,pudsy there..u see my point.
U get it…?? U can stop it if smebody is bend on doing it openly and sissing u..but if ur guy came to u and said hes going out with some single chics to a party while u at wrk….how do u view that…??

SexyCool - Never Cooking Holiday Dinner Solo Again

November 30th, 2009
10:10 am

It’s not cheating until ya’ get caught. (I jest. I joke. I kid.)

Melo

November 30th, 2009
10:11 am

Actually,this is stupid topic,come to think of it…

It reminds me of the Bob Marley statement.”every body wants to go to heaven but nobody weants to die”

Leggs

November 30th, 2009
10:17 am

@SCool ~ What happened to your dinner?

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:18 am

I think there is only so much that can be discussed regarding dating, relationships and love…so all of the topics are just recycled some better than others…that is why the topics come off a little off here and there.

SexyCool - Never Cooking Holiday Dinner Solo Again

November 30th, 2009
10:19 am

I was pleased with how dinner turned out – for the most part. I wasn’t crazy about how the mac-n-cheese or the sweet potato pies turned out. But TheDude loved EVERYthing and so did his buddy that came and had dinner with us. So, I’d call it a success.

Since this was the first time not being a part of a ‘cooking committee’ and actually cooking of all that damn food by myself – that was some bllsht. I am really glad I planned it out over three days. If I’d waited until Thursday morning to do all of that, we would have ended up at Legg’s house or McDonald’s.

I am a fairly good cook, but I don’t cook because I love to/like to or even enjoy it. I cook because I need to eat and that’s how you keep a man.

(Leggs didn’t use your mac-n-cheese recipe because I wanted a smaller dish.)

Yoni masseuse

November 30th, 2009
10:20 am

dating is not that bad – folks just like to settle on the first thing that comes there way…thats the problem patients…we look at others and think..gee they SEEM happy..but you might not want what they have…all i say is do you…and why is he worrying about chicks in the strip club..you are there to poo cee watch and get your blue balls…those chicks in the club are either bi, with there side piece, lesbo, weed/pills/dope heads…or swingers…either way you dont want it…just trick off your money and keep it moving…dudes complain about these bust downs is killing me

btw did any of you guys see the cat on worldstarhiphop bragging about his new lace front wing…i am telling you the moist-ish is taking ova

abc

November 30th, 2009
10:29 am

Both male and female promiscuity has gained acceptance, and that’s not quite the same as undervaluing monogamy. You can’t undervalue that which you’ve never given or received.

Leggs

November 30th, 2009
10:30 am

@SCool ~ we are always harder on ourselves when it comes to cooking for others. Your ND and his friend enjoyed the meal so yes, it was a success. It is a lot of cooking. When you want a batch of my mac n cheese, let me know and I’ll meet your somewhere and bring you a pan!

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:31 am

Soo did anyone have too much fun Black Friday?

Been Thru It All

November 30th, 2009
10:40 am

Sup people…

I’m with Melo on this, but with a twist…all men would cheat if they could…its not about lack of control, feelings, or any other garbage…throughout history men have done things we really shouldn’t have and just worried about the consequences later…

ex. “He Chris C., you want to sail these three boats half way around the world looking for new land.. You might not make it, you might lose most of your crew and get attacked by pirates?”

Chris C: ahh what the he// lets do it!!!

ex. “hey Albert…we need you to come on down and help us make a bomb to destroy cities and leave it inhabital for decades…”
Albert E: “sure why not…whats the worst that can happen….”

Just like cheating, we live in the now….we will worry about the future when we get there…lmao

SexyCool - Never Cooking Holiday Dinner Solo Again

November 30th, 2009
10:41 am

TheDude and I got a sale paper on Thursday to see if there was anything that we just couldn’t pass up in the sales and found nothing to get excited about.

TheDude had to work, so I declared Friday an official “Do Nothing Day” and sat my behind around the house all dern day.

SexyCool - Um, yeah. So.

November 30th, 2009
10:45 am

As to the topic, cheating takes too much energy.

At this point in my life, I’ve learned that if my relationship is worth saving, then the energy that I would put into cheating is better directed by putting it into the relationship.

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:46 am

I started my round one shopping Friday morning at 5:00 am…

Around noon I finshed breakfast and went home and took a long nap. Around 4:00pm I went for round 2.

All in all I had a lot of fun and I bought everything except for one purse (it was not on sale for the most part) so I am pretty much good to go. I just have one more gift to buy and I need my bags and paper to start wrapping.

SlimOne

November 30th, 2009
10:47 am

Well this was my first year participating in Black Friday…went to Wally World for a laptop all early n ish…only to find out I was in the wrong freaking line for the laptop I wanted…all that for nuttin :-(

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:47 am

Scool…will you host Christmas Dinner.

I am debating and getting the menu together at the same time.

abc

November 30th, 2009
10:49 am

Examples like those are just plain stupid. Both are incorrect characterizations, and neither are very relevant. In spite of acronyms indicating laughter, they’re not very funny, either. Just stupid!

SexyCool - Um, yeah. So.

November 30th, 2009
10:50 am

Naw, I’ll be at somebody else’s house for Christmas or cooking a regular Sunday dinner type meal.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 30th, 2009
10:51 am

I do not believe all men cheat. I feel those that cheat due so because they lack self-control, respect for their mate and are very selfish. All can turn off their sexual proclivities if they so chose to.

Ditto Leggs.

Raqi...The Ringless One

November 30th, 2009
10:51 am

LOL SexyCool. So the food was good it’s just the time and energy it took to put it together that you are not caring too much for?

I had planned to do stop some places and do some shopping on the ride back home but wasn’t really feeling up to it Friday morning.

SexyCool - Um, yeah. So.

November 30th, 2009
10:52 am

Unless – TheDude requests something more.

Been Thru It All

November 30th, 2009
10:52 am

Relevant….u serious?

This is a dating blog…we talking about cheating…with grown folks…all this ish is funny…

Professor is.....

November 30th, 2009
10:53 am

@Slime check out some of the cyber Monday sales you should be able to find a laptop for cheap.

Dan

November 30th, 2009
10:54 am

Um, abc

would you care to elaborate?

@Prof

5am? like, in the morning? I don’t know anyone or anything for which I would leave the house at 5am to buy. You’re a good one.

Raqi...The Ringless One

November 30th, 2009
10:54 am

I agree that cheating just takes too much energy. That energy that can be used trying to right what is wrong in your relationship. If you try to make it right and it doesn’t work maybe it’s time to get out instead of doing all the sneaking and hiding to be with someone for only minutes of carnal pleasure. It ain’t worth it.

And if it’s an emotional bond that you are seeking outside of your relationship that is definitely a sign to get out.