Meeting the (Crazy) Family
Let’s face facts, people. Some of us come from families that are a little…eccentric. You have to be sure that when you bring someone home for the holidays they can actually handle seeing you in your family element.
If you are brave enough to take someone home for the holidays this week, you should warn them about what to expect. Especially if you have a wide cast of crazy characters in your family that could possibly embarrass you. Let them know what to expect!
Have you ever gone home with your date for the holidays? Did it end well? How do you know if it is a good time to bring someone around your relatives? May I suggest you watch Meet the Fockers for homework before bringing someone over. You can learn what to do when you meet crazy relatives of your date!
Who is the most outrageous family member that you actually worry about introducing your date to?
What are your Thanksgiving Day plans this year?
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351 comments Add your comment
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
8:28 am
Enter your comments here
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
8:32 am
My Thanksgiving plans includes plenty of eating, shopping, watching sports and hanging out with family…oh yea eating some more this holiday weekend for the most part…
As for meeting the family I have always introduced dates to my family little by little, because my family is huge and it is almost overwhelming meeting everyone at one time. So usually my beau will meet three or four people here and there, months prior to a big event. That method works well because he sees some familiar faces in the crowd.
Happy Turkey Day to all!
Dream make sure you update that countdown!
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
8:35 am
Good morning children!
Well… This year I’m bringing my fren-fren to my brothers house and then we’re headed to his moms house. Everything should be cool on my side of things – no crazies. However, I’ve been forewarned that his family can get “ghetto” and they might embarrass him. My understanding is that he has begged and pleaded with his sisters not to get in my business and they have agreed… we shall see. I think the bright side is that ole boy is going through a divorce and everyone HATES his (ex) wife… they are very excited to meet his new woman who has brought him out of his funk. So, I think I start off with automatic brownie points. I’m really looking fwd to Thursday!
Does anybody have any advice/pointers for me???
mytw♥cents - mytw♥tatas - d♥scentavos - Fallen Angel - Albino Tigress
November 24th, 2009
8:59 am
I’ve been regaled with the tales of crazy, which I quite enjoy. Mostl ppl shield us from the cuckoo. I’ve only been exposed to sane mama who asks about ne years later & cool cousins. Although my perspective on what’s true crazy is skewed cuz the Cents’ are chock full o’ chaaracters.
I have yet to expose anyone to my ultimate crazy… Bittersweet, The Master Blaster and whatever else my CRAZY Daddy may have nicknamed himself. Accord ing to him, he is quite unconcerned about having anymore grandchildren, my not being a spinster if it means Swissie’s cuzns or our Latino brethren… and basically is ready to go upside any man’s head that may be having impure thoughts bout his baby. Or so he says & I kinda believe him… I figure why test the theory & get some dude hemmed up who ain’t really tryna go the distance. Tho how well he endures will suggest how our story ends.
Torn about Turkey Day, still debating where me & my Seafood Stuffing will land… Depends on how much driving I wanna do.
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
9:06 am
I’ve been regaled with the tales of crazy, which I quite enjoy.
Me too Cents! My family is so vanilla and wholesome that I love seeing families that are the exact opposite of mine
mytw♥cents - mytw♥tatas - d♥scentavos - Fallen Angel - Albino Tigress
November 24th, 2009
9:09 am
Questions…
PEACHY, I’ve been wondering bout you dating thru his divorce. If I may ask, has it been drawn out & were you aware that he wasn’t fully detached? Seems like an added degree of difficulty to navigating a potential relationship cuz the breath of fresh air effect may be hard to continue living up to…
PROFESSOR, Non bloggy, but speaking of crazies reminds me of somebody recently escorted out uhm not so graciously. Wondering if there’s an HR rhetoric for time of day in regards to separating folks from companies? We debated the inhumanity of it all and really who might not have a mini meltdown first thing in the mornin’ fresh outta traffic then have to be put out there? Literally.
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
9:12 am
Holidays and family? (deep sigh and eye roll
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
9:20 am
MYTWO- the time of day is very important. While most associates say they do not want to work all day and than get fired. It is often best to wait until the end of the workday to ensure that others have left or will be leaving soon so the dept will not have all day to talk about what happened. If the person being separated did something of gross misconduct the termination should be swift…meet them in the parking lot with security along with their box if you have to. Usually early morning terminations are not good.
@PEACH just take good notes of the family and be polite, but most of all relax and be yourself.
M. (pronouced M dot)
November 24th, 2009
9:24 am
My thanksgiving plans are different this year. I am heading to Dallas, TX and we are having a big thanksgiving dinner with 3 blended families (our side, my uncles side, and the grooms side) on thanksgiving day because my cousin is getting married saturday. She also has 12 bridesmaids, so I am interested to see what the single ladies will look like. I am one of the only one out of my family that will be traveling to the wedding unattached…hehe…lol
@ImAPeach404
My advice is to watch out for slick disrespectful comments. There will be someone who is not totally on board with you in this dating situation, therefore people like to make slick comments so dont allow yourself to be disrespected.
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
9:29 am
M.
I noticed you mention the slick comments. Do you feel that PEACH should respond to those comments if made, or take the high road and not go there with the family member? Personally I have about 50-11 (fifty ‘leven) ways of getting someone told from extremely polite and proper to the max, and sometimes I chose not to engage which I feel is also a sign of control.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:31 am
Three Words Daily – Constantly seek improvement.
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
9:33 am
@Cents – We talk a lot. And I mean… A LOT! He is very very open and from what I can tell, it’s been over for a very long time. We did have a situation a few months back where he went to her house and there was a dude there. He said it did hurt him and I cannot fault him for that. They were married for 14 years. I don’t imagine the feelings just drop off like that. We’re working it out. And you’re 100% right – the “fresh air effect” can be difficult to keep up. I’ve said on numerous occasions that he needs to know the different in being into me b/c he’s into me and being into me b/c I’m not her.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:35 am
TDay Plans – I am flying solo for the whole meal for the first time in life. Normally, I am part of a cooking crew at my family’s houses or a guest at a friends.
MND and I have invited people over. Will report back next week whether or not I will ever host a meal of this magnitude solo ever again in life.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:35 am
Thanks, Leggs for the recipe help.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:37 am
BTW – I found my pound cake recipe. Now, I’m torn between yours and mine. (Yours looks easier.)
Dan
November 24th, 2009
9:38 am
Last year I took my ex to the family gettogether for New Year’s. I warned her that my fam is me on 10. the blog aside, the D is not that bombastic or cocky, esp. compared to my fam (but I love ‘em all).
I told her about the nosy cousin, the inappropriate comments once the alcohol began to flow, and to not believe any embarrassing stories about me as they were likely exaggerated for effect.
All in all she was mildly amused, had a good time, and noticed where I got somma my tendencies from.
Ultimately, being around a strange family (for your SO or her’s) is a wee bit disconcerting; one should expect extra scrutiny (up to rudeness). Not one to tolerate foolishness, I personally don’t stand for it from my fam toward my SO’s and shole don’t stand for it from [her's].
And as most guys know, the family simply wants to know that you won’t be intimidated by them and that the young lady (gentleman in the ladies’ case) is in good hands.
The D will be leaving early and likely lurking for the rest of the day – so Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
9:41 am
SCool, how many folks are you cooking for? Will anyone bring a covered dish?
Uncle Peaches
November 24th, 2009
9:42 am
Who is the most outrageous family member that you actually worry about introducing your date to?
Probably me. Uncle Peaches.
Uncle Peaches
November 24th, 2009
9:43 am
Good morning MeMe, as in Melo, good morning ladies
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
9:44 am
Good Morning All!!
I am getting very excited about gaining at least 5 lbs on Thursday… (but hopefully in the right areas! i need a little more meat!!! lol
I think the exes family is fairly sane.. I just hate that when everyone comes in you have to get up and give them the kiss on the cheek.. It’s tiring.. but I do it b/c it’s something his mom is very adament about.
As far as my dad’s side family… Well that’s a circus that I’m ready to be entertained by
Prof.. thanx for the reminder on the clock!
Leggs
November 24th, 2009
9:46 am
Good morning!
You’re welcome, SCool. Since your recipe is “heavy,” try mine and then you can compare which one you like best. Also, flying solo cooking is relaxing and you’re better able to concentrate and flow at your own speed. A glass of wine w/nice music on while in the kitchen is so relaxing. Don’t burn anything!
@ImAPeach ~ enjoy the day w/his family and don’t laugh out loud at anything they say about his ex! Keep smiling, stay polite and respectful and LOL on your ride back home (lol).
My Thanksgiving plans have changed thanks to lil leggs. She wants her father to come for Thanksgiving dinner since he lives alone and she’s his only other family here. I really wanted to look at her sideways, but knew I couldn’t. He went through her to get to me knowing the most I would do would offer to bring him plate! Yes, I agreed he can come and have dinner w/his daughter!
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
9:49 am
I’m getting my drinks together for the conclusion of the night with the gamers… Berry Ssangrias, Margaritas, Strawberry Daquiri, beers (for the beer drinkers). I now it’s going to be a great day. Being with family no matter how off the wall they are is always great!!! This is the 2nd Thanksgiving w/out the “mom” (grandma)… I think its going to be a little tough yet again! but we’ll manage!!!!
Are there any members of the family that you guys are hoping doesn’t show up?
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
9:49 am
Lol @ Raqi… stories please!!!
@Prof – Being myself is easy and I plan on doing so! I’m real nice, friendly and can hold a convo with anybody. I’m just concerned my real self will come off as fake lol.
@M – I’ve definitely thought about meeting up with that relative who doesn’t like the situation and thats one aspect I am very worried about. I’d like to think I’d take the high road and nicely put them in their place or not say anything at all but… I am from Decatur…
He has assured me that everyone hates her and I am demanded there by his mother. My hopes is that if she takes to me (and the situation) that others will fall in line.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:50 am
Six to eight total. No covered dishes. I’m doing the whole meal.
Ham
Baked Chicken
Dressing
Mac and Cheese
Yams
Greens
Corn
Rolls
Pound Cake
Sweet Potatoe Pie
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 24th, 2009
9:50 am
@Professor~First again?
I think she should take it up with her man and let him handle it. This should diffuse the situation. If it continues, she may need to say something herself.
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
9:54 am
ImAPeach
I say have a good time. And it’s definately a plus if his mom has taking a liken to you. If someone says something out of line, I’m sure he will speak up on your be half so you won’t come across as being rude or defensive.
But have fun..it’s always a lil nerve wrecking to meet the new family.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
9:56 am
Who says anybody will say anything?
You get what you expect. If you expect messiness and bllsht, I’m sure something will happen that can be taken as just that.
Go with no expectation other than to have a good time.
If something pops off, address it. Otherwise, be free about that sht.
Seriously.
Tazzee - a little crazy myself
November 24th, 2009
9:59 am
Morning folks!
My family’s crazy and his family is crazy. Once we realized that – we weren’t nervous about it. I’m still nervous about him meeting my mother. Prayerfully she’ll be sober when that time comes. If not, he’ll understand because his mom used to be strung out too – but she’s clean now.
He’s more of a ‘family at all costs’ person than I am. I don’t deal with family that stress me out – so he encourages me to interact with the crazies more. It’s a good thing.
Because I have to work Friday, we’re spending Thanksgiving here. But we’re going up to NC Friday afternoon so he can meet another one of my crazy uncles and my crazy cousin
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
10:01 am
@Sexy – Good luck!!! I still don’t think I could do the whole meal. Is anybody bringing anything??? I can’t wait to hear how it turned out!
@Leggs – “dont laugh out loud at anything they say about the ex”… check! And, that was very nice of you to have her father over for dinner – I’m sure he appreciates it even more than she does.
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
10:09 am
M. thanks I like that move…let him diffuse the situation if anything happens.
Peach I know you will do just fine and they will enjoy your company. Also I really hate it when you are being yourself and folks think you are being fake…hey that is how it is sometimes.
@SCool…great menu will you start cooking tomorrow afternoon.
@Dream…I cannot wait to eat, but I have no interest in gaining 5 pounds I am thick enough…LOL (actually that is a joke I am a size 4).
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:10 am
I’m doing prep work tonight – cutting, dicing, baking the cornbread for the dressing, peeling potatoes…you know, the fun stuff. I need a sous chef. ~lol~
Dan
November 24th, 2009
10:14 am
@SC
Good luck on that meal.
@Tazzee
Congrats again. I hope the uncle’s and cousin’s put him through the ringer (out of love of course).
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
10:14 am
Leggs
What’s on the menu for your dinner?? Will you be making one of his favorite dishes??
I actually think that you inviting him over for the Sake of lil Leggs is really selfless..
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
10:16 am
I need a sous chef.
Me too! I am going to start my prepping tonight and I am going to check my list one more time to see if I need anything else.
Tomorrow night let the cooking begin! Everything is in order and I am so ready to get started.
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
10:16 am
@Sexy – why’d you have to go and put up a list??? Now im hungry!
@Dream – she has taken a “virtual” liking to me – we’ve never met. I guess he’s told her a lot about me. I definitely don’t want to come across as rude/defensive so I plan on doing my best to be polite if anything starts to smell funny. Hopefully if anything pops off, he’ll be around and can defend me as M. stated. I’m nervous excited lol.
My family’s crazy and his family is crazy. Once we realized that – we weren’t nervous about it LOL @ Tazzee!!!
Melo
November 24th, 2009
10:17 am
Morning folks!
@Leggs are u and ex hubby cordial??
Nice gesture for u to let him come over for dinner,i like that!
@ImAPeach404, u are the default place holder,and they hated the ex,so yu know,every move u make will be silently scrutinized,watched,talked about in ur absence,u name it.Just be urself and not try, at all costs to be the opposite of what u heard about ex. That way,u wont have no pressure,either they like u or they dont and u keep it moving.
It wld be nice tho if u offer to help here and there….
On topic:
No crazies on this end.My pple are alll scattered and for those that are in GA we did not plan on a thanxgiving dinner so its just me and my girls. In the past,i had my uncle,aunt and cousins over at the house and one of my crazy friends was there,drunk and wilding out.
He has been on a slippery slope and is away in some other state.
Happy thanxgiving!
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
10:18 am
I have volunteered my services to my mom, and the big sis is coming over tomorrow to help with the feast…
Does anyone know an easier way to peel the sweet potatoes, those things are hard to peel with a knife!!!!
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
10:20 am
Prof!
A size 4!! Well hot dayum
Melo
November 24th, 2009
10:20 am
@SCool, u dont have turkey on ur list,u wont be making it??
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:21 am
Dream’n – A potato PEELER.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:22 am
MND said that he prefers a baked ham over baked turkey. So….there ya’ have it.
Dan
November 24th, 2009
10:23 am
@Dream
A potato peeler can be used on a sweet (or regular) potato.
@SC/Prof
I’d offer my assistance (as I am non degreed sous chef) but I’m getting ready to go to Hosea’s Feed the Hungry tommorrow and do some barber work. And by getting ready, I mean shopping for new clipper to use.
M. (pronouced M dot)
November 24th, 2009
10:25 am
@ImAPeach404
So this guy is seperated but not completely divorced? I think as long as everyone is moving forward, everything is ok. You should just enjoy yourself and have fun. So are you seeing your family for thanksgiving or not?
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
10:26 am
Thanx SexyC & Dan…
I’ve never eaten Turkey on Thanksgiving, my mom cooks this chicken with no head and puts dressing around it.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 24th, 2009
10:26 am
Mornting y’all
What are your Thanksgiving Day plans this year?
This year I’m volunteering at a church to help feed the homeless/hungry. I usually do this on Saturdays throughout the year but I haven’t on Turkey day b/c I usually spend it with fam from out of town. Wednesday evening we’ll be at the church prepping food and Thursday morning we’ll serve breakfast(dine in) and fix thier Thanksgiving meal to go, cleanup the church and be out. Thanksgiving dinner will be at my brother’s home this year and I’ve got my fingers crossed with high hopes for my sister-in-law and her “burning abilities”…
Lady J
November 24th, 2009
10:27 am
Happy Thanksgiving MIA Blog!!!! I must admit I’m NOT ready to meet anyone’s family and sure not ready for anyone to meet mines…I’m good! LOL Enjoy your day!:)
mytw♥cents - mytw♥tatas - d♥scentavos - Fallen Angel - Albino Tigress
November 24th, 2009
10:35 am
PROF That’s my thinking too, but I think this case was an added bit of jackassedness… ain’t nuthin pop off overnight that hadn’t already been apparent the day, weeks or months before with her. Oh well.
PEACHY I’m hoping for the best for you two. Regardless of all else, I hope the meal is tasty, cuz you KNOW they’re gonna force you to fill your plate then ask how it tastes… I’m soo the wrong one for that move cuz I’ll tell you if it’s Mmm mmm good or just smile politely if I feel otherwise.
Anyone else ever snack first so they’re not stuck. Thinking. Why the hell didn’t I grab a Happy Meal on the way over? Oh, just me…
ImAPeach404
November 24th, 2009
10:36 am
@Melo – thanks for the advice. I’m bringing my world famous banana pudding… that should get’em on my good side
@Sexy – lol @ a potato peeler! I was thinking the same thing!!!
@M. – separated but not divorced, yes. We will be going to my brothers house first and then off to his moms.
speaking of Hoseas Feed the Hungry… did anybody see the video of Paula Dean getting smacked in the face with a ham???
Thanks everyone for the advice and the encouragement! I really really appreciate it. I’m off to do some work now. Yall have a wonderful day!
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:39 am
Left the potato salad off my list.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 24th, 2009
10:40 am
Anyone else ever snack first so they’re not stuck. Thinking. Why the hell didn’t I grab a Happy Meal on the way over?
Fortunately mytwo I haven’t had that misfortune…..however there has been a “cause for concern” once or twice,though.
Leggs
November 24th, 2009
10:41 am
@Melo, yes the ex and I are very cordial because that’s how I chose to handle things from day one. I see no need in harboring any palpable bitterness that she can see or feel. I’ve been trying to teach her that all divorces don’t have to be mean, nasty nor ugly. If you want to be cordial especially when children are involved it’s not hard. My dislike for how he handled things has nothing to do with her so she doesn’t need to see that part. She hasn’t seen us argue since the day he moved out (almost 4 years ago).
Menu ~
Fried Turkey (ordered)
Collards
Mac n Cheese
Yams
Rice n Gravy
Cornbread
Cranberry Sauce
Apple Pie
Sweet Potato Pie
Vanilla Ice Cream
(I will have some type of spirits availabe for myself cuz I will need a few). It’s all good, he’s her father. I chose him, I bed him, I had child by him, I married him and then divorced him (LOL). She will never be penalized for what I did!
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:44 am
Oh, yeah…the spirits. Need to get MND’s input on that. I have what I like. Need to find out if he wants to add to that.
Melo
November 24th, 2009
10:45 am
;.)
Leggs
November 24th, 2009
10:47 am
I applaud all of your doing volunteer work Thanksgiving Day to help another…..CLAP, CLAP, CLAPPING!
@SCool ~ your menus sounds delicious and I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
JtJ
November 24th, 2009
10:48 am
Hello Everyone…….Long, long time no blog!!!! I have been lurking lately mostly after the blog closes. I look for the crazy comments from you all that give me a good laugh for the day.
I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and be safe!!! I am traveling to Albany and Quincy, FL, so I pray that we make it there safe and sound. I am cooking mostly side dishes and pies to take to 2 family dinners. Enjoy your time with your family.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:52 am
JtJ – I’ve got family in Quincy. Slow down by my Auntie’ house on Rittman Lane and yell out the window that I said, “Hey!!!”
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
10:54 am
I considered doing the HTF volunteering again, but then the cooking thing came up. Didn’t want to be too ambitious.
Wonderwoman
November 24th, 2009
10:57 am
My thanksgiving plans as usual is with the Mom’s family. This is my Mom’s side (the gorgeous lady’s). My mom has three sisters. This is the calmer side of the family (except for the family gossip that women do). My daddy side won’t be visited, too much drama goin on down there!
My dilenma just about every holiday, is actually getting my special “friend” to introduce me to his family. We have been dating for two years and I have not meet his Mom or other family members (except his daughter). I find it odd and a bit frustrating.
Any advise? should I give him to time to bring it up? Is not meeting the family a “red flag?
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:00 am
Leggs it’s going to be just you, the lil and the ex? Cool. Are you going to hang out in the kitchen while they spend time together?
SexyCool I was glad when I found out we are going to someone else’s house this year, but after being given all the details just this morning I would gladly fly solo myself and make the full meal.
Tazzee we all got at least on crazy in the family. It just depends on who you ask. LOL
Peachy good luck with that.
My biggest pet peeve with family and gatherings is some folks just don’t know when to go home. And the other is when folks will not regulate their bad kids.
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:00 am
GM All!
most important thing i learned when i met the ex-hubb’s fam (and i was NOT forewarned) is that he came from a long line of addicts (drugs and/or alcohol). i was only 17 at the time, so that was a bit overwhelming. current s/o & i both have great fams. they’ve met and we’ve all socialized so it’s all good. thank you God!
Dream_n i recently had my very first grown-up card/domino night so your plans to play after dinner sound GREAT! i think we should do that too.
things have been hectic for me lately so i’m not cooking. i will just make peanut butter/chocolate mini-cheesecakes and my signature cheddar mashed potatoes as an offering to whomever’s doorstep i show up at
my nieces and my brother have all issued invites to their homes, so we’ll be in good company no matter what.
btw …. still haven’t decided if i’ll be making the trip to the s/o to share a lil time @ his Tday throwdown
Melo
November 24th, 2009
11:02 am
I have not meet his Mom or other family members (except his daughter). I find it odd
u got ur answer already,kinda..the fish is smelly for real..2 years????
Careful now,we dont wanna read ’bout ur head being found in the dumpster!
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:03 am
Yall talking about those SPIRITS, now you really want folks acting out their true crazy. Liquor tends to make folks a little braver than normal and they lose all sense of tact.
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:08 am
I was forewarned of not so much the crazies but the leeches and deadbeats in the family. The ones that always got a sad story and looking for a hand out.
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
11:11 am
peanut butter/chocolate mini-cheesecakes
Cbratz.. those sound absolutely delicious..
And do the game thing.. it’s great to unwind after all the family mingling….Plus you can do it at the family gathering.. After all the catching up and food.. incorporate a game and it’ll add a great spin on the evening
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:12 am
onderwoman, how old is his daughter?
Raqi i’m feeling bad for you already
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:13 am
WonderWoman I was about to say that dude sounds like he is probably married but when you mentioned meeting the daughter that a great indicator that he is not.
Maybe his mother gives women a hard time and he is trying to protect you from that. However, if that’s the case IMO he should be willing to at least introduce you to her and tell her to be on her best behavior.
i'm swiss
November 24th, 2009
11:13 am
“And the other is when folks will not regulate their bad kids.”
Amen to that, Raqi! Makes you want to distribute some beatings for the rug-rats and their non-disciplining parents….
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 24th, 2009
11:14 am
My dilenma just about every holiday, is actually getting my special “friend” to introduce me to his family. We have been dating for two years and I have not meet his Mom or other family members….Is not meeting the family a “red flag?
There are certain angles from which one could answer this question. Are you two in an exclusive relationship?….has he met your fam? I ask b/c the fact that he’s allowed you to meet his daughter is a big step for some in a relationship. That being said,therein lies my dilemma b/c most people don’t take introducing an SO to their children lightly…so why not the rest of the fam,right?…plus it’s been TWO years. Anyhoo, it could be that he just isn’t ready OR for whatever reason he’s apprehensive about you meeting erryone else….he could possibly be embarassed or something BUUUT whatever you do let HIM be the one to decide when the intro happens…DON’T PRESS. I can understand your wondering if that’s a red flag or not and maybe a conversation needs to be had between you two…just remember not to seem confrontational about it. Ultimately you will have to make a decision on what to do should this not change, just don’t let it be a dicision made rashly in haste.
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:14 am
Dream_n my family always does board/trivia games when we gather. the s/o introduced me to spades and dominoes and we had a blast. whatever we do, i know we desperately need the love and laughs this year.
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 24th, 2009
11:14 am
@Wonderwoman
The meeting the family thing is a touchy issue. From a guy’s perspective, a guy is not necessarily quick to bring a woman around his family because maybe he is not that SURE of you and/or CONFIDENT in you and the relationship YET. My mom has only met 1 girl that I ever dated. Guys dont just like to bring a woman around because of 2 reasons:
1. You dont want to be looked at as a guy who is unstable with women. What happens when the next family gathering happens and you are not with him. Suppose if you two break up? He know his nosy Aunt Sally is going to ask a ton of questions and he just doenst want to be bothered.
2. You dont want to come across that you have to many women. It’s ok for your friends to see your dating rotation but your parents wont look at it as the same.
My advice to you, dont worry about him bringing it up to you but also dont frame your plans around him and his thanksgiving either. Have yourself some flexible plans and dont just wait around for him to bring it up. Flip it on him. If you have plans go ahead with them.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
11:18 am
Aw, hell, especially depending on how old the kid is – her being introduced to him could mean diddly squat. Shthead had other chicks around his 5/6 year old kid when he was with me – telling him that they were Daddy’s “friends.”
If you haven’t met any of his folks in TWO YEARS, there is something rotten in the state of Denmark.
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
11:19 am
I think I’m with SexyCool
on this one… 2 years is a very long time not to meet the parents.. or hell a cousin or an aunt.
Is family in another country????
Melo
November 24th, 2009
11:21 am
Is family in another country????
Leggs
November 24th, 2009
11:22 am
@Raqi ~ I’ve invited another girlfriend and her daughter over just a little while ago to balance things out for me. She wants her father there and he will be. I don’t want to give the allusion of a happy family sitting down to dinner, so I have to put a little crack (other guests) in the picture just to keep things real.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
11:22 am
Have ya’ met any of his friends? Does he take you OUT? Or do y’all spend quality time inside? (House dating?) Have you been to his house?
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:22 am
Wonderwoman my thoughts are that if he daughter is very young and not likely to understand who you are, then if he has something to hide he feels she’s no thread to telling on him. but on the brighter side, if he does not have a good relationship with the rest of his family but his daughter means the world to him, then don’t stress and don’t read too much into his choice to delay your intro to the rest of them.
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:23 am
czBrat I have met some of them. The good thing is the worst ones do not live here so they are quite easy to avoid. Just don’t answer their calls. LOL
Back in August when we went on our road trip I met this one cousin that if you talk to her for longer than five minutes she will totally zap every ounce of energy you have with her sad stories. She sorta moves around the room until she can find someone she can trap into listening. Unfortunately that particular day I was the trapped one. When you look back you notice things. Every time she walked up to someone or a group of people with seconds they were finding reasons to walk away. She cornered me and I was stuck. I didn’t know anyone else there to at least pretend like I had something to go tell someone else and Mase had left the house. My break came when the baby woke up and needed changing. LOL
Thankfully I will not have to worry about her this holiday, however I don’t really know what to expect because we are going the God-mother’s house and the only other people I will know outside of Mase is the one cousin who just so happen to be a god-son of hers also.
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:24 am
“his” and “threat”. sorry
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:26 am
a guy is not necessarily quick to bring a woman around his family
M dot a guy does not know after two years of dating a woman if she’s the one or not?
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
11:26 am
@Dan~ I have a few onions you can chop before heading down to Hosea…
@Dream~ my mom cooks this chicken with no head and puts dressing around it. For some reason that made me laugh…I would not eat a chicken with a head on have you seen a real chicken before? My grandma used to have biddies I even had a pet chicken before.
@MYTWO things like that gives HR a bad name…I really hate to hear that…being fair and consistent is a must…respect is a must…personal feelings aside.
@Scool…I think we should give “MND” a new name he is no longer new…he is fitting right in with your like…I would say “MD” but let me think some more.
Hey Melo!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 24th, 2009
11:26 am
most important thing i learned when i met the ex-hubb’s fam (and i was NOT forewarned) is that he came from a long line of addicts (drugs and/or alcohol). i was only 17 at the time, so that was a bit overwhelming
Aaawww then,why they do the baby like that? I’ve been around a family here that’s JUST LIKE THAT and I was full grown when I met them so I can only imagine enduring that as a 17 yr.old cz. I promise you I was sitting there the whole time thinking to myself “they crazy”…and I’m talking from the grand mama to the itty bitty baby.
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:29 am
Have ya’ met any of his friends? Does he take you OUT? Or do y’all spend quality time inside? (House dating?) Have you been to his house?
WonderWoman, in other words SexyCool is asking you “Is he married?” LOL
Melo
November 24th, 2009
11:29 am
czBrat,any man/woman who does not have a good relatiosnhip with any of his fam members,unless they are all murders and so ville, u gotta have ??????.
Now u are a man/woman coming and looking in,why even be tempted to be on her/his side..why bother??
If it were me, im taking my side, im walking….instead of wondering about sme thats not mine.
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:30 am
LOL Leggs. Yeah cracks indicate separation.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
11:31 am
Prof – I have been thinking that exact same thing.
Leggs
November 24th, 2009
11:32 am
LOL @Dan. I too have never eaten a chicken with it’s head still on.
@SCool, you have mail.
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:32 am
I promise you I was sitting there the whole time thinking to myself “they crazy”…and I’m talking from the grand mama to the itty bitty baby.
ROFLMAO
SassyMe i cannot tell you how much i needed that belly laugh! but yeah, his fam is chock full. and they’re a bunch of mean drunks. throughout our 18 years together i left his family gatherings in tears more than once.
Raqi sounds like you figured out how to handle his gente, so why are you reluctant to go?
M. (pronouced M dot)
November 24th, 2009
11:34 am
@Raqi
“a guy does not know after two years of dating a woman if she’s the one or not?”
I think they are still getting to know each other and the jury can still be out. I think so many people value the opinions of their families that they are waiting to see something in their SO that shows them that this is the one for sure…no doubt about it.
Also I think a guy could be scarred to bring her around his family and mother because your family does not have the LOVE GOGGLES on like you do…therefore, they can see through your SO alot better than you. So in that sense, reality will kinda of set in.
Like if you bring your guy around your dad, your dad can spot a player.
Like if you bring your girl around your mom, your mom can spot an alter motive.
Like for me, I am a twin. My twin sister is good at screening women for me, picking up the nonverbal language and stuff that I may not see. Get it?
Melo
November 24th, 2009
11:35 am
hey Proff!
Dream_n- 2 days til turkey day
November 24th, 2009
11:37 am
Prof
When I re-read it, it did sound kinda odd.. lol.
It’s a full body chicken with no head. She used to scare us with it when we were younger!
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:40 am
czBrat because I just found out this morning that we will be driving to her other house in Virginia. That’s a 9 hour drive that I am not looking forward to. Not to mention the cousin and his wife will be tagging along. I thought the dinner was going to be here at her Georgia house. I didn’t know she had another house 500 miles away.
I was looking forward to still being at home tomorrow and then driving to her house Thursday afternoon. It’s not that I don’t want to go. I don’t want to take the drive there and back. It’s totally messes up my plans.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
11:42 am
Dream’n – I don’t know anybody who bakes a chicken with the head still on.
Wonderwoman
November 24th, 2009
11:43 am
SexyCool- His daughter is, or will be eight, mine is nine. I don’t know why I let it drag on for two years ( I do know why: I really like him, and I’m trying to be patient). We do go out like we have been out of town together with the kids and everything. But its odd because he is a family good, he spends time with his cousins and he is close to his mom. When I have brought the issue up he has said his mom don’t like people over, so he rarely brings people by (never heard that reasoning). And he says there is plenty of time for meeting the fam. I have never been in a situation where the Mom doesn’t want to meet someone you’re dating,exspecially since I have been around the grand-daughter grandchild.
Thanks for the advise everybody
Professor~First again?
November 24th, 2009
11:43 am
Dream-LOL it was so funny. The cook in me thinks your mom is baking a hen with some cornbread dressing on the side.
Melo
November 24th, 2009
11:44 am
I don’t want to take the drive there and back. It’s totally messes up my plans.
Raqi!!???
woman,tho shalt obey thee thy husband!!
(wheres that verse from thumpers?)
Raqi
November 24th, 2009
11:44 am
think they are still getting to know each other and the jury can still be out
M dot so what have they been doing for the past two years (730 days, 104 weeks) if not getting to know each other?
I think so many people value the opinions of their families
Naaah, after two years (in fact even less than that) you should be telling your family this is who I have chosen to be with, either like it or shut up.
SexyCool - The Upgrade
November 24th, 2009
11:46 am
Wonderwoman – Patience is a virtue and everything, but it should also have a frickin’ expiration date.
Dan
November 24th, 2009
11:46 am
Um, 2 years, not meeting the family? Ion know, smell fishy.
After 2 years, that’s proposal time to me(unless we jus been “dating” in the nocturnal visit sense).
@Prof
No onions for the kid, I do not need my nose that wide open for that event. Matter of fact, I’m thinking about catching a cold.
Wonderwoman
November 24th, 2009
11:47 am
I’m pretty sure he’s not married. I have been to his house. Maybe he takes the family more serious, like only a wifey will meet the fam.
He has meet my Mom and brother. Not dad.
czBrat
November 24th, 2009
11:48 am
Melo, of course it’s going to depend on the reason for the distant relationship. if her s/o is someone who wants to better himself but his fam thinks that makes him uppity and has never been supportive, then that’s something you’re going to understand and probably side with him. if there was a history of abuse that he has had a difficult time overcoming or something they feel he should just accept and/or hide, that would be another reason he is distant from you but should you “walk” because of that? i’m just saying, there could be circumstances.