Playing It Cool
Sometimes I marvel at the fact that we singles even manage to make it to the first date. Some of us get up hung up in the approach, showing interest, and determining compatibility part that comes with dating. I think a lot of times we take it way too seriously, pretty much sucking the fun part out of the whole process.
Keeping it simple is virtually impossible. I know women have a tendency to complicate matters when they shouldn’t be, but I have met and dated men who do the same thing. Is it so hard to play it cool until things develop?
There is nothing wrong with being excited about spotting someone you want to get to know more. However, acting desperately can be a real turn off. Nobody likes it when people come on too strong. How do you handle it when someone is a little over the top in pursuing you? Do you find it flattering, annoying, or are you confused by it?
If someone you are interested in seems to be playing it cool, do you take it as a sing of disinterest and back off altogether? Have you ever met someone who was giving you that oh so lovely “mixed signals” making it difficult to determine what they want?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
185 comments Add your comment
KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)
November 16th, 2009
1:50 pm
Good afternoon blog fam!
@czBrat…Your situation gives you an opportunity to practice two very important relationship components…compromise and sacrifice. Doing your own thing is the easy way out
Make the most of the situation and enjoy the 90 minute ride together.
Professor--
November 16th, 2009
1:50 pm
cz I agree with Melo I would want to scope his family out. However in the past when I wanted to be with my family I have met up with my dude later and we would go to the movies after dinner was done and sometimes our cousins and friends would be come too.
Mo- Is is difficult to have an occasional dinner together? I mean in a sense that feelings does not start flying and you get confused like…dayum I still love/like him or whoa I am happy we are apart.
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
1:52 pm
we’ve spent time with each other’s family on several occasions. they got no more/no less crazy than we do. it take that back … they got a lot less crazy than we do
Raqi
November 16th, 2009
1:57 pm
but that sitting around the dining room table like The Cosby Family was gravely misrepresented!
LOL Leggs Yep, I have yet to attend a family gathering that some crap don’t go down. Whether someone having to much to drink or someone just being the arse that they are.
Raqi
November 16th, 2009
1:58 pm
Compromise and sacrifice
KP I actually have a piece wrote up to post at my spot about those two words. I will let you know when I post it so you can give me your feedback.
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
2:01 pm
@CzB ~ girl, you best stop thinking like that….a solid union will have you thinking otherwise. The relationship itself “is worth the trouble.” Don’tcha think!
Raqi
November 16th, 2009
2:01 pm
written
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
2:01 pm
words of wisdom, KP. now i just have to get my feet to move in that direction.
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
2:03 pm
WOW, just read your post KP and I agree 100%!
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
2:04 pm
Mo/czBrat Those desserts sound scrumptious. Do that! Honestly though, baking is very tedious! I’ll make meat or a sides ANYDAY, before measuring all the ingredients for baking…Ya’ll good, doing that.
KP – Hey stranger.
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
2:04 pm
Not your feet, your thought process then the feet will immediately follow!
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
2:10 pm
Prof
I won’t dare touch a pan of corn bread..lol
but they do love when I come in with that Pecan Pie.
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
2:15 pm
Melo You’re a family guy…It’s funny you mentioned matriarch and patriarchs of the family. Those roles are very important in my fam too. And what’s funny my Unc who turned unintetional patriarch is coming here this weekend in preperation for next weeks family gathering…out of all 11 of his brothers and sisters that can do, he’s the one they call most….then he consults with his older sister who’s the younger of my mom about everything that’s going on with anyone in the family…and not just to be having “chit-chat” either. When he speaks with any of us he just wants to be updated on stuff in the fam….and who’s gonna call him for help next. Whether it’s money, spousal drama, help traveling ect…he just wanna know.
Ballwood
November 16th, 2009
2:32 pm
brat: Unless you and ole boy have reached the launch pad I would keep it separate until then. No need to give Uncle Pitts something to talk about next year. Plan something afterwards with him that’s unique to the two of you.
KP: I agree with you 100%. WTH? Dayum Holiday spirit got me agreeing with KP.
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
2:35 pm
Swiss – playin the p-star game with the family this year.
…give me the rules again.
Melo
November 16th, 2009
2:37 pm
Those roles are very important in my fam too
Cemeeli:
u described, kinda how it really goes down with my fam back home.We are huge fam and when it comes to dissemination of info,it all has to be channelled kinda methodically and u got know who to tell first and when u give the floor to which folks to speak.
My oldest surviving grandpa is the patriach now(my grandpa,who was elder died and so did the other siblings)
Yo gotta sme major u wanna do etc??,he gotta know and give his blessings.
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
2:38 pm
I love the togetherness of the holidays. But I don’t love all those bad azz kidz that I have to deal with. Asking questions that don’t concern them or just being loud for no reason. There’s aunts and uncles at one of the places I have to go to and they have over 25 kids between the 9 of them. The kids range in age 5 up to 18. And they always want to play with my daughter’s hair asking why we talk “white” lol. I shake my head at them. Then you have the different BM’s and BD’s coming over side eyeing eachother trying to out do eachother or be in competition with eachother to see who is closer to the family…. It’s beautiful to be with the family, but I leave with a headache.
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
2:44 pm
Dream_n, your holiday gathering sounds like a Tyler Perry movie.
in this country it’s just me & my sibs and our offspring (and their offspring). our holiday gatherings are pretty much like any other weekend that we all get together. the only real difference is the menu. we always have a great time.
SexyCool - Love is fattening.
November 16th, 2009
2:46 pm
Dream’n – it really is okay to opt-out of some of the locations. You did say “five”, right?
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
2:47 pm
Dream_n – You got that “good -hair” gurl?
Melo
November 16th, 2009
2:49 pm
czBrat, how many lingos u speak(aka: where u from?)
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
2:51 pm
@Cbratz
I feel like I am in a movie lol
@SexyC
Please go tell my family that.. Girl opting out is a no no on holidays…
#1 — His mom’s house. I’m still going to go there b/c we’ve been doing that for the last 5 yrs and I realy enjoy the company there
#2 My dad’s family… That’s tradition, been that way since I was a young girl
#3 My mom’s house.. where I will stary my voyage around th ecity
#4 – My dad# 2’s house.. met him when I was 18. He’s a capricorn like me and very stubborn, if I don’t attend it will be hell
#5– Now this one can be optional.. The game night people friends/siblings will get together recap about eacothers day and get the drinks rolling.. optinal, but i need it to unwind from all the drama I will go through during the day.. lol
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
2:54 pm
Cee..
lol.. the lil one is half puertorican so they love brushing and combing her hair..I gotta watch those little suckers.. they might try and cut..
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
2:57 pm
Melo – sound like strong family roots…same her..yea we pretty much stick together. My brother-inlaw (Guana-ian) loves….loves…love how we are …probably reminds him of back home too.
There’s one relative that was off the chain…swindle my son’s music keyboard once…which my Unc who’s the patriarch replaced it..this relative has taken my aunts cars joyriding without their approval, jewlery, money…and he just lives by the De-Nile (denial) River if you ask about the antics. My folks won’t give him 2cents, or a pot to pee-in-now…we feed him but that’s about it…my Unc will put him to work when he come around at times…but he caint get much from him.
Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)
November 16th, 2009
3:04 pm
Professor – on your 1:50, actually its not hard for us to have an occasional meal together or outing w Lil Mo. However, I tend to be very cautious with that as well b/c we arent getting back together so I dont want Lil Mo to get too used to that. Also, ex hubby has a new Boo and i have gotten the impression that she wasnt too happy about the three of us hanging out together. Not my problem though, IM GOOD! LOL!
Dream_n – my family just doesnt know when to go home! Now Im going to be an out of towner for Turkey Day this year so I wont have the option of leaving going to my own house (as my escape)!
Lord Velonese
November 16th, 2009
3:05 pm
WD wrote:
“Nobody likes it when people come on too strong. How do you handle it when someone is a little over the top in pursuing you?”
Tell them F off
WD wrote:
Do you find it flattering, annoying, or are you confused by it?
Annoying as hell.
Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)
November 16th, 2009
3:05 pm
Professor – and while I miss ex hubby sometimes, it aint enough to want him back and vice versa im sure! LOL
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
3:05 pm
Dream_n – That’s okay mama…we have 2 other nationalities married into our family. And the one…i’m like please don’t call her the “Blonde Whitney Houston ‘n Bobby” ….but my cuzin’s real name is Bobby…they been callin ‘em that since they got married. Note relating to drug…but cause that boy cain’t do not wrong in her eyes. …smh…
Lord Velonese
November 16th, 2009
3:11 pm
Three Words Daily – I care Because?
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
3:11 pm
Sorry to hear that Mo. I haven’t missed my ex not one time! But I agree, you don’t want the lil ones to think there may be a chance of reconciliation. I’m now doing my happy dance around this office….
Raqi
November 16th, 2009
3:12 pm
Cemeeli my marido has an uncle that I have only met once but I kind of feel sorry for. He is up in age but he cannot figure out why he is always late to the family gatherings. He doesn’t know that they give him the wrong time to meet at the house on purpose. The marido says that this uncle always insist on saying the prayer before eating and with him being an elderly man no one is going to tell him that he can’t. And even when they tried once he still got a few words in. But the problem is he tends to pray too long. Way too long. My marido said that once the uncle prayed for almost 20 minutes. And in saying the prayer he prays for everybody. Which sounds nice but in praying for everybody he tends to tell everyone’s business that has come across his ear.
He prayed that the Lord help the confused (= Gay) cousin, the illegitimate nephew, the niece that cheated on her husband, the grandson the filed bankruptcy and all kinds of stuff. Stuff that people haven’t told some others about. He in his own way is doing a good service but anyone that gets outted doesn’t feel that way. LOL
I have never heard him pray before but Mason had me cracking up one day talking about him.
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
3:14 pm
czBrat, how many lingos u speak(aka: where u from?) just 2 languages Melo. Panama.
Dream_n hats off to your and your determination to please the masses.
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
3:15 pm
@LordV ~ I’d be mildly polite in the beginning then when it seems my words have fallen on deaf ears, I’d say something along the lines of your F off!
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
3:18 pm
lol @ Mo… You have to sit and wait it out.. please give Mo strength!!
@Cee Not the blonde whitney!.. that is funny
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
3:21 pm
And in saying the prayer he prays for everybody. Which sounds nice but in praying for everybody he tends to tell everyone’s business that has come across his ear.
I don’t know if it should be laughin at that or not, but i am. Did Unc pray for Damian to come out the closet, and illegitimate family members or what?!!
omygoodness!!!
Melo
November 16th, 2009
3:22 pm
sound like strong family roots
Cee..
over here tho,there is no Big pple in my fam so actually,I am the Patriarch.
Matter of fac,lemme call Queen and ask those in the A to update me on Thanxgiving so i know who want to come to my place…
My lil bro in DC,one in canada and another is a rolling stone(recent divorcee)..one leg in the A,another in canada with his new boo.So its just my sis,her hubby and kids and my fam..i may have to invite them over.(i got paternal cousins in boston too but too much oprah drama with those rugrats(gerlz) and their mama,my auntie, i gota keep them at arm’s length!)
Melo
November 16th, 2009
3:29 pm
czBrat, i met a nice guy from panama yesterday..he runs his own car wash outa stn mtn and was wrking on my truck.
Rqai..that uncle gotta be the last one to arrive.How u gonna Out everybody coz of the gossip u heard??
Uncle prayer: lawd jesus,pray for this fam as we eat our thanxgiven dinner,pray for Raqi my lord,she got a good hubby but hes gonna leave if she dont stop hollering loudly at nite as she enjoys Mason!
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
3:32 pm
Raqi, i’d say someone needs to be ready with a very loud “AMEN” to cut Unc off and errbody jump on the bird! ya’ll being waaaaaay too polite with him & his nonsense. you may think he doesn’t realize what he’s doing, but he does.
Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)
November 16th, 2009
3:33 pm
Raqi – I had a great uncle like that, prayer for EVA-THANG!! “Lawd thank you for this turkey and the hands that prepared it, thank you for all the fixins for the turkey, thank you for the walmart/kroger/etc that had enough turkeys in stock that we could have one, thank for the delivery company that brought the turkey to the walmart/kroger/etc..” My cousins and I laughed so hard one year, I know he went for over 20mins. Finally they started designating who was grace.
Dream_n – I will be alright, I have my escape route planned! Luckily my brother lives in VA too!
Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)
November 16th, 2009
3:34 pm
Sorry, meant “who was SAYING grace”
Professor
November 16th, 2009
3:48 pm
@Mo LOL at the new Boo not liking the three of y’all hanging out.
@Leggs…LOL at Lord V…I was thinking if he took and ex-lax, sometimes you have to get ish out of ya he will be okay.
@Dream, you took me back to 1980 with your cousins getting happy over hair…I am going to have to introduce them to the wig shop in collid park on main street.
Raqi
November 16th, 2009
3:49 pm
Cemeeli – Go ahead and laugh ’cause I did.
Melo – Yeah pretty much.
czBrat – He does realize it but he is praying for things to get better for that person or for them to see the “light”. Mason said he means well however it’s at other folks expense.
Mo – Yeah Mason said that is pretty much how it starts out but when he starts thanking the Lord for Aunt Sarah precious hands that baked the mac and cheese he will ask the lord to please help Aunt Sarah’s son during his time of incarceration and help her daughter who likes women now instead of men.
Leggs
November 16th, 2009
3:49 pm
Wish I had family here. Can’t get those knuckleheads to leave NYC.
Professor
November 16th, 2009
3:51 pm
I think we all have a praying uncle…hell my uncle went so long praying one time that he started saying the same prayer again. Now I have one uncle that is a preacher that loves food and his grace is less than ten seconds
Professor
November 16th, 2009
3:52 pm
Leggs, do you go home for Christmas?
Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)
November 16th, 2009
3:54 pm
Professor – Yeah I laughed too! I dont know what the problem is really but like I said, he has to deal with that. When I met her she didnt strike me as the type to have issue with that (since I was at one of HIS family functions) but obviously I was wrong. Oh well!
Raqi – and that is why he is in the position he is in! LMAO!
Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!
November 16th, 2009
3:55 pm
Prof..
Not a wig shop for the babies lol!!
Cemeeli
November 16th, 2009
3:56 pm
Leggs – Them knuckleheads can get on ya nerves…don’t play it lightly.
I’d move if the right oppurtunity…i think.
Professor
November 16th, 2009
3:57 pm
Dream,
Yes take those babies to the wig shop…LOL
I guess you can tell I am not a mother!
czBrat
November 16th, 2009
3:57 pm
Wish I had family here. Can’t get those knuckleheads to leave NYC.
Leggs i was the first in my fam to come here from NYC. now everyone lives here in ATL. i didn’t have to do much other than expose them to cheaper housing and better weather
i will admit i miss the feel of NYC holidays around rockefeller plaza & times square. the macy’s parade & the holiday windows *sigh*