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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Playing It Cool

Sometimes I marvel at the fact that we singles even manage to make it to the first date.  Some of us get up hung up in the approach, showing interest, and determining compatibility part that comes with dating.  I think a lot of times we take it way too seriously, pretty much sucking the fun part out of the whole process.

Keeping it simple is virtually impossible.  I know women have a tendency to complicate matters when they shouldn’t be, but I have met and dated men who do the same thing.  Is it so hard to play it cool until things develop?

There is nothing wrong with being excited about spotting someone you want to get to know more.  However, acting desperately can be a real turn off. Nobody likes it when people come on too strong. How do you handle it when someone is a little over the top in pursuing you?  Do you find it flattering, annoying, or are you confused by it?

If someone you are interested in seems to be playing it cool, do you take it as a sing of disinterest and back off altogether? Have you ever met someone who was giving you that oh so lovely “mixed signals” making it difficult to determine what they want?

185 comments Add your comment

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
11:37 am

oh – “The Orphan” is horror/scary?…Oh-naw cain’t do that!

Ballwood

November 16th, 2009
11:38 am

Happy Birthday to Mo’s sister too. I bought you a tennis skirt and Black Cake to celebrate.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:38 am

I ordered a fried turkey so all I have to do is the mac n cheese, yams, collards, rice and gravy, cornbread, apple pie, and sweet potatoe pie.

Ballwood

November 16th, 2009
11:40 am

Oh and Mo sister it’s a trick candle on the Black Cake but if you just keep blowing eventually it will go out.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:52 am

@Cee ~ trust me, I don’t do scary. I screamed one time only because I was anticipating it being a scary movie. IT’S NOT!

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
11:53 am

I ate a whole tray of deviled eggs when i was pregnant with my son…and would relish when folks made em..But now that child hates egg…won’t eat an egg to save his life….

Ballwood

November 16th, 2009
11:53 am

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
11:56 am

Leggs you ordered the easiest thing to cook. LOL

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
12:02 pm

@Raqi, I know…I know!

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
12:07 pm

Ballwood – You stoopid! She doesnt do tennis skirts anyway! LOL!

Cemeeli – Im in charge of cheesecakes (2) and one 7-up pound cake. I am big on family too so I cant wait to be with all them there cuzins of mine!

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
12:10 pm

I love my sides. I would really feel weird w/cooking little to nothing for Thanksgiving. I have a hard time cooking only a little.

Professor

November 16th, 2009
12:11 pm

Leggs,

Fried turkey is so good though! I do not like the roasted kind since I have been exposed to the fried turkey.

I am sitting here now writing my list so that I can go to the grocery store Wednesday or Thursday. I hate trying to shop and cook at the same time.

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
12:23 pm

Mo – Gurl, u know them crazies are a part of who we are…lol cuzins will be tryna get a Black Friday “crew” together as always…aunts/cousins will be making all sides and desserts, men in charge of meats. Teenagers, kids and babies everywhere…uncles cussin and fussin about the game and not spending all his money on Christmas presents, again…all the babyboomers swaping recent pictures of the kids…i love it!

Melo

November 16th, 2009
12:25 pm

So who invites pple to the Thanksgiving dinner per ur tradition folks?? The host or the patriach/matriach of the family??

Coz im thinking,host may want to invite baby daddy/mama of nephew but others(the big family honcho may not feel same…

How do u navigate that??
This seems like a more interesting topic..i think we done on WD’s,right??

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
12:29 pm

Shopping and cooking at the same time – I just had a visual of a mobile oven on wheels being pushed around Publix with its timer going off.

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
12:30 pm

Leggs I am not cooking this year. We have been invited to the grand-godmother’s house.

This year I get to sit around, watch movies and talk crap with everybody else.

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
12:34 pm

I am actually looking forward to shopping Black Friday this year. My shopping partner is due to deliver her bundle of love within the first week of December so I will be doing my shopping solo this year.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
12:35 pm

Melo – If they cool like that then it shouldnt be a problem cause after all they are there for the child. It needs to be discussed with the So though cause they might not feel comfy being there..

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
12:38 pm

Professor i never liked the fried turkey my sister ordered every year for the past six years, but this summer my nephew-in-law fried a turkey that was sooooo moist! now i’m looking forward to that more than the traditional roasted bird.

i’ll be bringing my signature cheddar mashed potatoes and mini peanut-butter cheesecakes.

Melo, we really don’t have a matriarch/patriarch thing in our fam cuz mama lives in another country, so hosts invite anyone they choose to invite; all others ask permission to bring additional guests.

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
12:38 pm

Cemeeli – I already got a phone call about the Black Friday outing! And lets not forget about who is in charge of the spirits! LOL! Now Im usually trying to watch football too so we’ll see how that goes! And my sister and I are already prepping ourselves for Grandma getting all in out bizness (ya’ll aint bring nobody with ya’ll, no boyfriends or nuthin??)

Professor – I love fried turkey too and I am so going to miss my mom-in-law’s crabmeat dressing! LAWD HAM-MERCY!!

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
12:41 pm

Is there another way to fry turkey beside peanut oil? Everytime I hear of someone frying a turkey they use peanut oil.

Ballwood

November 16th, 2009
12:51 pm

“Is there another way to fry turkey beside peanut oil?” – Chicken grease!

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
12:52 pm

Good for you, Raqi.

@Professor, I remember when a co-worker first told about fried turkey, I called her a liar. Said there’s no such thing. Been in GA for a while but never heard of fried turkey. She brougt one into our department and I fell in love. I ordered one out of tradition. Someone may pop up, but it’s lil leggs and myself. Just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t have my own leftovers (one of the best parts about Thanksgiving).

@Melo, techincally both of you are the hosts so shouldn’t the guestlist be discussed before the actual invite?

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
12:53 pm

ForReal Thanks, but no thanks.

Dream_n- Gotta luv impromptu game nights!

November 16th, 2009
12:55 pm

GM All..

On topic:
Never been a stalker. Never “played it kewl”. Never been overly aggresive.
So I’m going with the honest and open approach. You’d pretty much know if I’m into you or not :)

As for “Turkey Day”.. I don’t eat turkey.
I’ll be helping my mom in the kitchen to the best of my ability. I have 5 houses to try to cram into 1 day so I know I’m going to be exhausted. I’m the pie girl, so I’ve already ordered them.

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
12:55 pm

If I am hosting something at my house, then I’m inviting whomever I wish.

Ms. Main

November 16th, 2009
12:57 pm

Ooooor Leggs you’re cooking everything but the turkey…lol

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
12:59 pm

waaaay off topic: any of yous have experience with homeschooling?

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
1:02 pm

I have never hosted any event and invited the ex.

My youngest son thinks he has masterminded the perfect scheme to get two of whatever, or to be in one place when he does not want to be in the other. While I allow him to think that, I just don’t want to deal with it all. No need to.

He has never been the type where he wanted his father and myself celebrating whatever holiday together. And even if he was I wouldn’t do it.

Even with the oldest, when he was at home if he wanted to spend the holiday at his grandmother’s he was welcomed to do so. I attended a few events before the nuptials, but now I don’t. Not to mention the knucklehead is his own man now to go wherever he chooses.

Melo

November 16th, 2009
1:08 pm

techincally both of you are the hosts

who is “both of u” Leggs??

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
1:08 pm

Seriously if my ex invited me somewhere I wouldnt go unless it was purely for the Dude..

Raqi – See now that aint right.. You and Mase should go to the Grandmas house with him.. That shows that ya’ll are a family no matter what and that ya’ll love is as geniune as it gets.

Professor

November 16th, 2009
1:09 pm

Cz- the mini peanut butter cheesecakes sounds divine :grin:

Melo- excellent question…I agree with DK it must be discussed the last thing you want is something popping off at the house and some nut breaking the china cabinet! :cry:

Mo- you should tell your ex mother-in-law that lil Mo wants some of that crabmeat dressing and meet me at stone crest mall so that I can get a plate of it :grin:

Scool…yep I need a cooking mobile unit that can get me to and from Publix as I cook those greens

Hey Dream! I am going to need you to tell folks that you at least made the ice and cornbread.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
1:12 pm

I thought you were talking about you and your wife. Let me re-read that. Skimming is not good.

Professor

November 16th, 2009
1:14 pm

@DK that 1:08 was an interesting point. I was wondering why they would not go to Grandma house…

—————–

No matter what I am hosting at my house I do not invite everyone I like to have a good feel of putting a good group together where everyone will take off their shoes relax and have a good time. So some of my friends are not introduced to all of my friends…I like to keep the dynamics in place

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
1:15 pm

Not good to read while trying to catch the cafteria. Nothing in your post spoke of Queen nor you! Oui vey!

Professor

November 16th, 2009
1:16 pm

And my sister and I are already prepping ourselves for Grandma getting all in out bizness (ya’ll aint bring nobody with ya’ll, no boyfriends or nuthin??)

Mo, I hate those questions…

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
1:16 pm

Professor – luckily me and the inlaws are still cool so I am GOING to have a plate of that dressing! Girl will make you slap somebody! I get it and I’ll let ya know chica, I can spare a spoonful or two.

Now my ex-inlaws have invited me to gatherings they host and I will show my face at least. However if my ex-hubby’s new Boo is there I wont stay as long. I dont want Lil Mo thinking that we cant all be in the same place and be cool. My parents do the same thing w ex-hubby.

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
1:18 pm

Professor – and as for Grandma and her gazillion questions….I hate them as well and have figured out how to cut that conversation really short. At least she isnt trying to play cupid anymore! That was even worse…..

Melo

November 16th, 2009
1:19 pm

You and Mase should go to the Grandmas house with him.. That shows that ya’ll are a family no matter what

DK,but u are contradicitng the Good advice u giving Raqi.

Thanxgiving is a great concept for fam.The few times me and my fam here in the states have done a Thanxgiving dinner,it was real fun watching evebody together,sitting around and then watching football and just seeing all the kids having fun.
Proff/czBrat/Leggs/Cool..etc..i dont mind us talking about it till the actual day….

But we havent made any plans yet…

Melo

November 16th, 2009
1:26 pm

Talking of football:

I really missed Peyton yesterday nite.He was on his game and came back from behind to get that win.It was exciting and really a knee jerker,4 touch down passes,2 interceptions and Reggie wayne’s tchdwon for the win! And really stucck that one in Bellecheck and Brady’s gut. My GolyJessus!!

But I missed it!!!!!!!!!!….(thinking of Peyton & Eli’s DTV commercial) coz my dtv satelite connection was down coz the onchocichos had just finished doing my roof on satrday eve.

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
1:27 pm

Infamous Almost 7 years ago after my mom died all of my family moved up north. My dad, my brother and my sister. My oldest brother was already living there. I would fly up there sometimes or they would come here, but for the most part it was just me and my boys and then my closest friends became my family. My first mother-in-law lives here and she took my second to be her grandson. When they both went over to her house for the holiday I went. But there were times, which were rare occasions back then that the youngest son’s father would take him to his house for the holiday. When that would happen I stayed home or went to a friend’s gathering.

After Mason and I became a couple I did not spend as much time as I did before at the in-laws however I never will prevent either of my sons from going there as much as they please. I began to spend time with Mase and he family or our mutual friends.

Now when our out of state families comes to town he and I are usually the hosts. But it was never about me being part of the family when I would go to the grandmother’s. I would be there because I was taking the boys there.

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
1:28 pm

this is the first time i’m with a serious s/o since my divorce 8 yrs ago. i’ve come to REALLY enjoy the holidays with my family because when i was married we always spent the holidays with the in-laws, and i’m finding it very difficult to ’share’ that time between households (especially since we’re talking about a 90-minute commute between the two) :( is it selfish of me to suggest that he do his own thing and i’ll do mine? i know he wants us together, but i’m having a hard time with this one.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
1:30 pm

@Mo ~ “I dont want Lil Mo thinking that we cant all be in the same place and be cool.” That’s my sentiment as well. However, lil leggs doesn’t seem to understand that I don’t want to go to the movies w/her and her father!

I don’t eat stuffing, by that crabmeat stuffing/dressing sounds really good.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
1:33 pm

@czB ~ try to find a way to make it work where you two can spend some part of Thanksgiving together!

Raqi

November 16th, 2009
1:34 pm

is it selfish of me to suggest that he do his own thing and i’ll do mine?

czBrat actually that’s a very common question that I have heard folks ask many times. My oldest friend Doc says before she had kids she and her husband would spend Christmas apart because their families lived on two separate coasts. She said they did it before they got married and continued to do it up until she had her first child.

After the kids they now alternate. If the go to his family for Thanksgiving this year, they will go to hers for Christmas. And then next year they will switch it around. Sometimes the just stay home. It seems to be working great for them .

Melo

November 16th, 2009
1:36 pm

is it selfish of me to suggest that he do his own thing and i’ll do mine?

Are u planning on getting married,Again??

If u are,this may be an opportunity to scope out his fam,see how they wiredetc. 90 minute comute aint that long.They may be crazies etc and u want to see how that may or may not impact u,assuming u get married to him.

But enjoying ur own fam too is a good idea coz u arent married anyway.

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
1:39 pm

Leggs – LOL! Well Lil Mo isnt old enough for that yet but we do handle all the parent stuff together (school, extracurricular activities) and we do have an occasional dinner together.

And Im not big on dressing either but those Bayou Babies put it down with seafood!! :smile:

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
1:44 pm

@Melo, I scoped out my ex’s family before marrying him. What a front they all put on, cuz the entire family is full of loonies. Sure I have some in my family, but that sitting around the dining room table like The Cosby Family was gravely misrepresented!

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
1:44 pm

Melo we’ve spent time with each other’s family on several occasions. they got no more/no less crazy than we do.

Leggs my heart tells me you’re absolutely right. my head just refuses to see the point in going to all that trouble.

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
1:50 pm

my sister and I are already prepping ourselves for Grandma getting all in out bizness (ya’ll aint bring nobody with ya’ll, no boyfriends or nuthin??)

Mo hahaha…Gurl, this is familiar.