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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Playing It Cool

Sometimes I marvel at the fact that we singles even manage to make it to the first date.  Some of us get up hung up in the approach, showing interest, and determining compatibility part that comes with dating.  I think a lot of times we take it way too seriously, pretty much sucking the fun part out of the whole process.

Keeping it simple is virtually impossible.  I know women have a tendency to complicate matters when they shouldn’t be, but I have met and dated men who do the same thing.  Is it so hard to play it cool until things develop?

There is nothing wrong with being excited about spotting someone you want to get to know more.  However, acting desperately can be a real turn off. Nobody likes it when people come on too strong. How do you handle it when someone is a little over the top in pursuing you?  Do you find it flattering, annoying, or are you confused by it?

If someone you are interested in seems to be playing it cool, do you take it as a sing of disinterest and back off altogether? Have you ever met someone who was giving you that oh so lovely “mixed signals” making it difficult to determine what they want?

185 comments Add your comment

Kym-Feeling Mighty Fine..this A.M.

November 16th, 2009
8:52 am

Good Morning All,

Yes I find the playing it cool stuff to be a sign of disinterest. To quote a old song ” If you want me say it, if you trust me, do it, if you need me, prove it.” Doesn’t mean you have to stalk me..because I do believe there is a delicate balance between active interest and stalking. So I find the over the top guys a bit untrustworthy. But Mr. Cool and Aloof..ugh!!
Look just say how you feel, cut the crap and lets get this show on the road.

BSandwich

November 16th, 2009
9:08 am

but how do you know if you’re being too clingy?

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
9:10 am

..morning –

Kym – I’s feelin’ mighty fine this morning as well.

So yea, I give all due and respect to a person that is honest with their feelings from jump.

Desperate Domanisha, and Stalker Shelton are on a different mental though…gotta watch out for their antics.

off topic – only one of my team won in the NFL this weekend, The Colts and Patriots game…. College ball was good…LSU won, and Alabama sluaghtered Mississipi St!

Hopeless Romantic

November 16th, 2009
9:16 am

Cool…or cautious? I dislike cool when the guy is trying to show off or impress quickly by saying who he knows, where he goes, and what he does. But cautious is more about revealing bits of information to see if there is chemistry, interest, compatibility

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
9:18 am

@ BSanwich – Do you feel the constant need to be around that person? Are you not alright doing your own thang when not around him/her? Need to “call in” all the time?

If you have codependency issues your SO already know this.

Kym-Feeling Mighty Fine..this A.M.

November 16th, 2009
9:26 am

Off Topic Football..That’s alright Bengals we are coming for the get back. You got us for two this year..but we still the Champs. Colts..All I can say..mighty fine playing fellows mighty fine..Mr. Caldwell is now known as Mr. Cool.

BSandwich

November 16th, 2009
9:29 am

I’ve been working on it Cemeeli

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 16th, 2009
9:33 am

Its a catch 22 for guys because if he comes across too interested, then he looks desperate in her eyes and that will be a turn off. If is comes across disinterested, he will be benched by her in a sense because she wants to be pursued and it comes across as if he is not trying to put in the effort to pursue her.

To me when a woman is over the top and laying it on thick with the text messages, emails, and phone calls, it comes off a little confusing/annoying. You dont really know me yet, so the best thing you can do is show interests and let things develop rather than force the issue.

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
9:36 am

@ BSandwich – I’ll add that being consistent, and considerate, and nice to him/her by nature is not being “clingy” per se…I guess it’s akin to a drink/alcohol…the difference lies in the quantity.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 16th, 2009
9:37 am

Have you ever met someone who was giving you that oh so lovely “mixed signals” making it difficult to determine what they want?

Dating or even trying to get to know someone shouldn’t be so difficult b/c it’s hardly Chinese arithmitic…although some think this piques ones interest in them, playing games is just as it sounds…juvenile and I’m too grown for that.

Merrning y’all :mrgreen:

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
9:40 am

i dated a clingy type in college…and i constantly had to hide from dude…it became a nusiance…nice guy…just…just…a bit much.

NY2GA, Inc.

November 16th, 2009
9:53 am

Look just say how you feel, cut the crap and lets get this show on the road-KYM

And there you have it folks.

We’re not kids anymore. It’s fine to be cautious until you develop a comfort level with a person. But, all this pussyfootin’ around (especially if you’re over 30), game playing, being difficult, and acting like your life is a mystery that will unfold in time is just too daayuum much.

Tomorrow is not promised. If you like someone or even love someone tell them. Show them…today. If it doesn’t work out just learn the lesson and move on. At least you lived the moment.

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
9:53 am

GM All!

Hope everyone enjoyed a great weekend. Don’t quite know if I’m feelin today’s topic, so I’ll lurk a while and see what prompts a comment.

p.s. ya’ll really bring me out of my morning traffic funk. THANK U! :)

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
9:58 am

Three Words Daily – Failure isn’t fatal.

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
10:00 am

Someone playing it too cool is a turn off. If I don’t excite you, then whatdahell are you trying to be around me for? And if I’m not allowed to show my interest in getting to know you then you’re not for me anyway.

Those kinds of games are what make dating a trial and a turn off but the ever necessary evil to getting boo’d up (Nod to Page.) :)

abc

November 16th, 2009
10:12 am

You’re either feeling it or you’re not. If they’re feeling it and you’re not, then they get labeled as coming on too strong. Just give them a break and cut them loose. If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you appreciate them being that straightforward?

Don’t “play it cool”. Just be honest, and be yourself. Pursue whatever it is that you want. If they don’t respond, and they won’t be honest with you about it, then oh well. Better luck next time. If they are honest with you about it, then thank them for that, and then move on.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
10:14 am

Good morning! :cool:

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
10:15 am

C O O L.. What That Spell? Cool.. In My Morris Voice

I play it how it goes.. Of course Im laid back but if its easy to be with you and easy to talk to you, I just roll with it.. If you make me smile Im gonna smile and let you see that you do it for me..

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
10:18 am

Thirsty is never a good look. No matter how you phrase it..

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 16th, 2009
10:19 am

@abc

You’re either feeling it or you’re not. If they’re feeling it and you’re not, then they get labeled as coming on too strong.

That’s what it comes down to. Constant attention is annoying/too strong only when it’s coming from someone you’re not interested in.

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
10:25 am

If you SAY you’re interested in getting to know me, then end up acting rather nonchalant about me, that SHOWS me that you are either not as interested as you say or are incapable of showing me emotion on a level that is necessary for ME in a relationship.

I’ll pass.

Kym-Feeling Mighty Fine..this A.M.

November 16th, 2009
10:33 am

@For Real..Oh and since I have been out the last few weeks..Here is my catch up on the news.

Kat Williams needs help. Serious help.

Shooting at the repo man, cause you broke is not acceptable, the repo man’s is doing his job.

Mary Norwood may just win this thang.

and…the serial killer in Cleveland…proves that Americans have really become too self-absorb. Dead bodies smell, Call the police, if they don’t respond, call the media. Someone had to know something was going on.

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
10:39 am

oh, the repo-man shooting…that guy is about to do some serious time…said he thought someone was robbing him??!! WHAT?!! You’re overdue payments by $800, and you knew it the last 10 notices and phone calls the company made.

SexyCool - Love is fattening.

November 16th, 2009
10:41 am

Sitting around the gotdern house all cuddled up and in love and sht, watching the first season of The Wire, my ass is four pounds over the high end of my weight maintenance allowance.

Time to get back to work. Daily workouts and no beverage except water for the next 21 days.

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
10:42 am

a family member said they’d tried to have Katt committed for evaluation last year. seems like a Chappelle repeat to me…

BSandwich

November 16th, 2009
10:45 am

Agreed, IDK!

Melo

November 16th, 2009
10:46 am

$800.00 is proly what?? 2 missed auto payments.That aint enough to invite repo man.

Give dude some slack untill uall have enough info.
If it were me and u out there clunkering with my truck,u wld proly meet the same fate…popo, popo,popo!

good morning!

BriteEyez

November 16th, 2009
10:47 am

GM all!

Infamous – Can you elaborate on your comment about being “THIRSTY”. From your perspective, want behaviors would put a woman in that category?

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
10:47 am

Don’t “play it cool”. Just be honest, and be yourself. Pursue whatever it is that you want. If they don’t respond, and they won’t be honest with you about it, then oh well. Better luck next time. If they are honest with you about it, then thank them for that, and then move on. SLAM DUNK!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
10:48 am

Kym – I hate to say it.. Well no I dont.. Mary Norwood need to win to break up all the nonsense going on in city hall.. Atlanta needs a new direction and it was almost there until the housing market crashed.. They need to keep going in the direction of making ATlanta a great city not just a good black city.. And I for one dont want to see Kasim turn into Kwame..

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
10:51 am

@ Melo – It was enough to get the repo-man to pick up…if that was 2 payments (too many) and thats what’s stated in your contract…how you feeling justified to shoot the man doing his job. And yea, you’d be going downtown for a long time too. You know when your payments are due…so, you don’t pay the leinholder/bank they come get it, invited or not…

i'm swiss

November 16th, 2009
10:55 am

“$800.00 is proly what?? 2 missed auto payments.That aint enough to invite repo man.”

Dude, you’re in Georgia — one of the quickest/easiest places in the country to repossess and/or foreclose. Try missing 2 mortgage payments & see house fast your furniture ends up on the street…

Luvbug

November 16th, 2009
10:55 am

All this time, I’ve been assuming that guys who were being distant with me were not interested in me. I have never considered that they may have been “playing it cool”…if they were interested in me, too late.

Guys aren’t usually (excluding select metro areas of Atlanta) as expressive as women, but I think they are good at showing you how they feel. Distant=not interested. Not calling=doesn’t want to call you. Him saying, “I don’t want to be in a relationship”=I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Hanging around my house at weird times of the day=I need to buy a gun cuz this fool just might be crazy…seriously dude, are you stalking me?! No means no.

i'm swiss

November 16th, 2009
10:56 am

“see how fast…” not “see house fast”

oops

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
10:57 am

Morning All

SCool – I love The Wire, I may need to start watching it again. I have all but seasons 4 & 5 on DVD. And chica kudos to you for the ‘nothing but water for 21 days’.

I am a very laid back individual so you wont get much verbally out of me (im a work in progress, trying to get better about that), however I do let my actions say what my words may not always convey. If I am interested then my actions say that and vice versa. But if you are looking for the giddy chick, super emotional, always under you kinda chick….then Mo aint for you. :wink:

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
10:58 am

Cee – He better be glad it wasnt one of my guys picking his car up cause all of them are licensed gun owners and will shoot back.. I try to do team building exercises at the gun range as much as possible..

Thats the thing about repo’in you have to be ready for that and know that people are gonna go nutso about losing their ride.. I’ve had dogs sicked on me, got into a fist fight and had to pull that thang a couple times to keep the peace.. Now first rule of thumb.. If you dont want us to get your car just put any piece of your property behind it.. A garbage can or anything because we are not allowed to touch anything on your property except the vehicle we have orders to pick up.. Here lately I’ve been getting motor homes, campers and motorcycles galore but most have been voluntary..

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
10:59 am

@Melo, his payments could be $241 a month. Over 3, repo man a coming for ya!

I’m with Cee on this one. More than likely you know it’s the repo man, and you know dern well you’re behind in your payments.

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
10:59 am

Oh and Happy Burfday to Mo’s Sister who is lurking!! Do it up Baby Girl!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 16th, 2009
11:00 am

$800.00 is proly what?? 2 missed auto payments.That aint enough to invite repo man.”

If it was a buy here pay here they try and get the car after one missed payment..

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:03 am

Interesting rule of thumb!

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
11:04 am

one of my guys picking his car up cause all of them are licensed gun owners and will shoot back

As they should…I wouldn’t even want do have that job unless i can pack some’n too…knowing i’m going in like Roscoe, and the nutsos might try something.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:04 am

Ooh, ooh, ooh! If you guys haven’t seen The Orphan go see it. Pretty good movie. Even as I love to dissect movie, I didn’t see that coming. I got the plot and what she wanted, but still didn’t see that curve ball. Only one clue looking back now that I know. That little girl is bat shyt crazy!

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
11:21 am

The Orphan

Leggs thanks…since my favorite time of year is here anyway (Thanksgiving)…that’ll be something to do since i will be chill mode.

i am estatic i don’t havta make anything for Thanksgiving dinner this year…i’m sitting around loafin until it’s time to eat…

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:26 am

I know abc landed a slam dunk, but don’tcha have more to say on the topic?

Mo (aka Moeisha-tired as h3ll)

November 16th, 2009
11:26 am

Cemeeli – I got dessert duty….other than that Im chillin til its time to eat as well. We are having a family reunion for the holiday.

Ballwood

November 16th, 2009
11:31 am

Kat Williams needs help. Serious help. – There ain’t no cure for being short with girl hair.

Shooting at the repo man, cause you broke is not acceptable, the repo man’s is doing his job. – Look at this way he created a new opportunity for another out work dude.

Mary Norwood may just win this thang. – The color of their skin nor their political affiliations will change the corrupt hearts of politician. I say lets dump all politician and put everything to vote by the people. That way I can get some “campaign contributions”

and…the serial killer in Cleveland…proves that Americans have really become too self-absorb. Dead bodies smell, Call the police, if they don’t respond, call the media. Someone had to know something was going on. – yeah but if they call the police where else would they get their penny candy from?

czBrat

November 16th, 2009
11:35 am

thanx Leggs. i’ll check it out. i do luv my scary movies. saw paranormal activity this weekend and it was just HORRIBLE!

Cemeeli

November 16th, 2009
11:35 am

Awww…i love Family Reunions too…i’m just BIG on family!

Mo

So what dessert you making? …as you can see we have the floor to talk holidays, cause this topic went somewhere…

My aunts want me to pick-up some specialy wines (they were reluctant) to ask me yesturday cause they know i don’t divulge…but i know that they can’t find it there and the only WineStyles & World Marker we found it in when they visited is near me…so i gotta pick up some wines…but that’s all.

Professor

November 16th, 2009
11:36 am

On Topic: I am too old and too cool to play it cool.

Repo Man: I really feel bad about what happened and killing someone over your ride is not a good look when you know you did not pay the car note. I remember the repo man coming after one of my friends and she hid that car for what seemed like months and really tore it up…she decided that she would not change the oil or do anything to it and BAM the transmission was almost gone and the low oil light was on…when the repo man finally caught up with her.

As for Thanksgiving I am doing a few sides, deviled eggs and one dessert…some punch.

Leggs

November 16th, 2009
11:36 am

“…where else would they get their penny candy from?” You stupid for that one! :wink: