accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Hurts So Good

There is nothing like the emotions you go through when you are falling for someone.  I liken it to what I think falling out of an airplane would feel, but I haven’t skydived yet so I am speculating.  You are taking a calculated risk. You have your parachute and your tandem partner that you trust completely.

You take the leap and you have an initial feeling of utter bliss and joy.  The moment you fall out feels surreal and unbelievable.  Then perhaps you look at exactly how high you are and maybe start to panic a bit.  You hope that your rip cord works and that you and your partner won’t fall too badly because you know it will hurt if your parachute doesn’t open.

I know this makes falling in love sound terrifying and exhilarating all at once.  That’s kind of the point, really.  It can be the best feeling in the world when it’s good.  When it’s bad? Ouch.  It doesn’t matter how scary it is, most of us won’t stop chasing that feeling of being in love.

Have you ever been in love? How would you describe the emotions? How did you know that it was love and not lust? What about that infatuation phase? Is it a dangerous thing to mistake infatuation for love or is that a natural part of it?

What do men think when they feel that first surge of strong emotions about a woman? What if they aren’t prepared for it and it catches them by surprise?

Recently, singer Alicia Keys asked an interesting love question on Twitter: “In love is it better to go for the choice that is smart or the choice that has spark?”

I am not sure if the smart choice would be without spark, wouldn’t that make it the settling choice? What are your thoughts?


402 comments Add your comment

ngoni

November 13th, 2009
8:42 am

Love is not something you can choose to do or not do…when it strikes it moves mysteriously.

BSandwich

November 13th, 2009
8:50 am

Morning ALL,

I think infatuation is a natural part of falling in love, and I don’t think it’s something you can control.

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
8:59 am

LOL You got me thinking back to when I first realized I was a goner. I would lay in bed sometimes and talk to myself.

“You are not supposed to be thinking about him. Why are you thinking about him?”

“What are you doing? You can’t do this.”

“You know that man loves you, just give in to it.”

”I promised myself I would not go there again. Love sucks.”

“OMG, I can’t…I don’t know…I…I…I just…I don’t know.”

“I can’t live without him. I simply just cannot live without him.”

“I hate him.”

“Lord…that man.”

No, I am not schizophrenic. LOL Love just caught me by surprise.

Nonya

November 13th, 2009
9:11 am

Been in love twice…praying it never happens again.

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
9:16 am

I knew it was love and not lust because lust is a hunger or desire to fulfill a need and my needs were already being met. LOL

Love makes you care for a person. It makes you concerned for their well being. Sometimes people say that they know they are in love because they want to spend all kinds of time with that person or they just feel XYZ when that person is near. But truth be told, those feelings are the same you get when in lust or infatuation. Love goes beyond those feelings.

Love makes you do for a person expecting nothing in return. Love makes you consider that person when making decisions. Love makes you do even when you say you are not going to do. Love is when you like that person.

I asked my husband how or when did he know I was the one. He said when he woke up one night and I was not there beside him. He felt empty because I was not there.

Wise Diva

November 13th, 2009
9:28 am

that is so true Raqi! My married friend told me about the “out the door” test. If you can truly imagine the person walking out the door, never to return, what does life without them look like? This is especially crucial to me because I battle indifference and apathy with men sometimes, not only can I picture them out the door, I can see myself putting my foot on their back to help them out *smh*

I am pretty sure (hopeful) that it won’t be that way when my (right) guy shows up.

Professor

November 13th, 2009
9:35 am

Happy Friday!

Hmmm I will comeback for “Freaky Friday” it is to early for me to read all of this sappy…fairytale ish

As for the Alicia Keys question, my response is this she should go for a single man, because Swizz beats wife came out because of the affair. I was just raised not to mess with married men so that is not my thing…stick with the single guys would be my answer to her. :roll:

I have loved and I really think that is all that matters. I will confess I have never understood the logic behind in love vs. love :cool:

:cool:
:cool:
:roll:
:cool:
:cool:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
9:40 am

Happy Friday :)

I love love….

I remember when I fell in love. I was head over heels. It’s one of the best feelings in the world and to have it recipricated is the ultimate.

Love will have you thinking about that person all the time. Reliving little moments that made you smile. Thinking about what you guys are going to do when you see eachother. Thinking about is he thinking about you.. Love what a wonderful feeling

Leggs

November 13th, 2009
9:44 am

Good morning!

Naturally, my mind went somewhere else with the title, but falling in love is a wonderful, yes mysterious occurrence. I hope to one day experience it again. The peaks, the valleys, the whole nine (absent marriage). Ok, maybe not the whole nine! :cool:

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
9:45 am

I can see myself putting my foot on their back to help them out *smh*

All I can say is “Oh my…Damn”. Seriously LMBO, But yep that is about right.

There is a saying that I cannot think of now, but it says something like “Love is a woman not wanting her man to leave the house, and the man can’t wait to get back to the house”. It’s something like that. I can’t think right now.

And yeah, I know for sure when you get with that special someone it will not be that way.

Now I must warn you, there just may be a day when you might just utter those words “get the hell out of my face/house/life” and then not let him leave.

I remember one time I pushed Mason out the door but wouldn’t let go of his shirt. LOL Lawd, lawd, love in action.

BSandwich

November 13th, 2009
9:46 am

I like the feeling I get when I think about her. It brightens my day.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
9:48 am

Hmmm I will comeback for “Freaky Friday” it is to early for me to read all of this sappy…fairytale ish

Prof your are funny.. Embrace that love you have inside.. I know it’s in there!!!
lol

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 13th, 2009
9:50 am

What do men think when they feel that first surge of strong emotions about a woman? What if they aren’t prepared for it and it catches them by surprise?

I think what men feel is a sense of excitement about the possibilities, the is this to good to be true and something is wrong with this woman I just dont know what….why is she still single? But also we have to battle with our internal logic of why this will not work out and to try to not compare this to our last endeavor and what we can do to make this one a success. That’s what’s swirling through our minds for the first 1-2 months. Our defenses are always up. I think dating is just like gambling. You can win or lose big!

@ Wise

So the guys you are dating now arent the Right Guy material?

Hopeless Romantic Diva

November 13th, 2009
9:54 am

Raqi…you are such a wise diva. Thanks for sharing so much on this blog.

Yes, starting with my first love in high school, I have fallen hard several times.Just a happy feeling that I am loved back. Thinking about him. Wanting to be with him and wanting to make him happy. I remember I worked with my HS love’s mom to give him a surprise going away to college party. He went to a different school half way on the other side of the country. We were young. We did things to hurt each other.

But life ALWAYS goes on.Through crumbling marriages, painful divorces, and renewed self-awareness of what I want, who I am what I am willing and not willing to accept in a person’s behavior. It is an ongoing learning process for me.
But I am a hopeless romantic and will always seek love: love of myself, of dear friends, of being open to nurturing relationships.
While I still find that when I fall for someone, I have those same “girlish” feelings of abandoment, I curtail those…and let time be the test of whether it’s really love or not.

czBrat

November 13th, 2009
9:58 am

GM All!

Yeah. I’ve been in love. It was aight. I will agree with BSandwich that infatuation is inevitable, even when it doesn’t lead to true love. Proceed with caution. :)

… not only can I picture them out the door, I can see myself putting my foot on their back to help them out *smh*

um. that kinda says it all for me too, WD :(

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:00 am

Hey Dream!

I love love too, really I do, but I am just not feeling the sappy stuff this early…sorry :sad:

Sometimes I wonder if love is really all we try to make it be? Or is it just an indication that we have studied and mastered the fairytales and love stories with have been told and made to believe. I believe in diversity and I love studying and learning about different cultures. With that said are we any better off choosing our mates? Can you really learn to care and love for someone? I just wonder about this kind of stuff that is all. :arrow: This is on the opposite end of the spectrum, but during the liberation movement (women) a lot of women wanted their freedom bedlock vs. wedlock in a sense. Where they any better off leaving love and making away for themselves?

Do I want to share my hopes and dreams on a deep level with someone? Maybe. Do I want to jump through hoops to make it work? No. Will I settle for anybody with a deep voice and a tripod? Hell no. Am I a realist? Hell Yes

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
10:07 am

Professor, but love is not the fairytale stuff. That’s usually along the lines of lust and infatuation.

Love is when you freaking care for a person. You care enough to tell them they are wrong and not sparing their feelings because it’s for their own good.

My husband says Love makes you build a home but like keeps you coming back. Love is when you like that person.

Yeah we all like to talk about those butterflies and all that because they are nice. I still get those butterflies.

But love is when you endure shyt. Ain’t nothing fairytalish about when you are not seeing eye to eye and you wondering “did I do the right thing marrying this person?”, but you choose to stay and work it out.

No fairytales in when you have to tell yourself this is where you want to be and not have to be. That shyt is real.

AmazonRed™ - greetings from 30,000 feet

November 13th, 2009
10:09 am

Morning all,

Long time no see! Don’t want to hijack the topic but update a sista on any blog fireworks I’ve missed. :lol:

As for the topic, I’m pretty in control of my emotions, so I think I’m prone to make the “smart” choice. However, only time will tell how smart it is (or isn’t). You just have to make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

Morning all. :)

Leggs

November 13th, 2009
10:10 am

Blogsville was jumping yesterday, but I had to leave early. I had to go back and finish reading how the day ended. All of you guys are bad to the bone!

@InfamousD ~ your description of a pretty honey pot pretty much caught everyone’s attention. Perhaps you and i’m swiss need to get together and write a book on the anatomy of a female.

@Ms.Main, yeah everyone need to have their fingers washed for the dirty typing we all did. However, I offer no apologies. :cool:

What list did Elijah put me on???

AmazonRed™ - greetings from 30,000 feet

November 13th, 2009
10:13 am

If you can truly imagine the person walking out the door, never to return, what does life without them look like?

Yes, I definitely have loved before and life has felt empty without them. But sometimes a person isn’t in a position to love you the way you deserve to be, so you just have to push past the pain and hope that someone even better comes along.

You’re gonna have more loves then lifetimes with that special someone.

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:15 am

Raqi

I guess we will have to agree to disagree, because it would only be my ego speaking if I said, “our love or definition of it is correct” and disregard other cultures. There are several types of love and I personally feel that love has been masked and romanticized to the point where it is not real and IMO demoted to the fairytale level.

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
10:16 am

And Professor, I seriously doubt that those women wanting to be “free” did not mean they wanted to leave love. Hell they were screwing just as much as the next housewife. They just wanted to not be boxed in depending on a man’s salary. Back then those women’s lives were limited to their husband’s earning potential.

My mom was a career woman. She taught school for many years, then she became a principal. But she was a very traditional woman in our house. She made her own money but she still loved my dad.

When she was dying she told me that after we all got grown and moved out, she and my father had a renewed love affair. She had her freedom in the workplace but she had love at home.

Leggs

November 13th, 2009
10:17 am

Good day, ARed.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 13th, 2009
10:19 am

Morning All!

Professor – anyone that believes in fairytale relationships has never been in a real relationship! LOL! Like you, Im a realist. I knew going into my marriage that there would be some days when I would want to roll his azz down a flight of stairs. However I loved him enough to not want to go thru with it. :smile:

I agree with Raqi, love makes you care about the person, beyond them being in the same room with you. For me, I knew I was in love when I could let my guard down, when I was beyond comfortable with this person. And I know that sounds light or even predictable but its the truth. (And then when I let him read my magazine first and didnt chop his head off I KNEW it had to be something, lol!)

Hey ARed, how are you chica!

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
10:19 am

Men and women both had to be liberated. Women free to make their own way…or rather be an equal part of making the way for a household. And men had to liberate their minds from thinking a woman working and making it does not take anything away from him being man and leading.

In some instances it works and in others it doesn’t.

$Bill

November 13th, 2009
10:22 am

I second Hopeless Romantic’s comment about Raqi. Your opinions seem to echo exactly what’s in my heart and I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you!

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:24 am

Hey ARED? How are things going at work? Hopefully everything will let up soon so that we can read you more frequently.

RaqiI seriously doubt that those women wanting to be “free” did not mean they wanted to leave love. Hell they were screwing just as much as the next housewife.

Have you decreased love to screwing? If so that is worst IMO than a fairytale

AmazonRed™ - greetings from 30,000 feet

November 13th, 2009
10:24 am

Hi Leggs! Hi Mo! Just been busy as heck, but making sure I still carve out time for my favorite person, me. :lol:

Raqi...Living love in progress

November 13th, 2009
10:26 am

Professor romanticized is television and harlequin novels.

Yes romance does exist within the body of love, but true love is that enduring power. That perseverance. That this is where I want to be despite all else.

But yeah, let’s just agree to disagree.

But uh, just so you know ain’t nothing romantic about pulling back the covers to get in bed and get punched in the face with a cloud of funk. LOL

AmazonRed™ - greetings from 30,000 feet

November 13th, 2009
10:26 am

Hey ARED? How are things going at work? Hopefully everything will let up soon so that we can read you more frequently

Hey Professor. Yeah, me too. The end date on the contract keeps getting extended. And when I try to sneak on the blog, the link is “broken” half the time — I think they screwed with it! :lol: I know you are holding it down still! :D

czBrat

November 13th, 2009
10:30 am

my three words for today – Love is Faith

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 13th, 2009
10:32 am

Well welll well Good Morning All.. Hey Leggs..

I need to write a book about it. Huh.

As far as Love… Thats a misunderstanding between two fools.. Just Kidding..

Love is love when it happens you least expect it and you cant control who you love.. So many times we as people think we can upset the balance of Fate or what God has for you but over and over again we get it wrong.. Im now on this.. Whoever she is will reveal herself to me and make it easy for me to love her.. I dont care what her background is or how many degrees she does or doesnt have.. Just as long as she meets the basic good person criteria..

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:33 am

ARed,

I am trying to hold it down, but there is nothing like having some backup! So hurry back! :grin:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
10:34 am

One thing I have to tbe thankful for is the fact that I was able to live both ends of the spectrum.

I lived in that fairy tale romance. Where you feel like a princess. Where anything you want your given. Him doing everything he can to make you happy. I truly loved it and I know that one day it is possible to have that “true love” again..

Then I’ve been on the opposite end, where you are just like “What the he!! amd I doing here”. Through that time I fought, I fought my azz off to keep the love that I had grown to relish in.

Love is not always going to be fun, simple, or predictable.
Sometimes you have to do some work and if you both are devoted to making it happen your work will pay off.

At the end of the day although my 5 year relationship is now done. I truly appreciate the good/bad times. They made me the woman that I am today and truly opened my eyes to what I’m worth. When I am able to open myself up to a new man… Let me just say he is going to be the luckiet man on earth without a doubt!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 13th, 2009
10:35 am

And treats me well and allows me to treat her well..

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 13th, 2009
10:41 am

Now enough of this malarchy… This ones for you Professor..

I like new like cause of the new booty.. Its nothing like finding out what gets your new boos motor running.. Then that all day new booty sex.. You know when you cant get enough of each other.. Come on with it.. This is freaky Friday and Im starting early.. What do you like your new boo to do to you to get the juices flowing, the motor running and the flame flaming?

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:43 am

Raqi,
I say fairytale because some folks fell in love with something that was not true. Was the love still real for the adulteress lying next to someone’s husband? Do we really consider it real love when someone is punched in the face with a fist, and the perpetrator say I love you to death? Shall we consider and call all things dysfunctional love? If that is where we are I will say shyt on love.

I think we are all grown on this blog; therefore we should try to elevate our critical thinking skills by looking at our belief system and getting outside of the box. As a whole we are not doing to good with this “love” thing if you look at the divorce rates, and if you bring in factors such as blended families, etc. it took a lot of folks several times to get it right.

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:47 am

DK

I want him to explore every inch of my body…like the song go lick me up and down until I say stop, and know that my stop means keep going…have me squirming across the bed because I can’t take no more.

czBrat

November 13th, 2009
10:47 am

one thing i learned from my marriage …. LOVE ENDURES

Cemeeli

November 13th, 2009
10:48 am

morning –

Awww…love…You mean when God just do it! He just does it while you ain’t looking? Cause he’s in control anyway!

Or

Do you mean like when your cup runneth over when he says or does something that brings you to tears?…Or when you have a quarrel and you can’t stay upset cause guess what – You love ‘em.

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:48 am

Where is Elijah?

Like Leggs I went and read his post before my class…I have a bone to pick with him :wink:

czBrat

November 13th, 2009
10:48 am

DK & Professor, i see yous guys are gonna have the Brat’s eyes burning before lunch. :lol:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
10:50 am

What do you like your new boo to do to you to get the juices flowing, the motor running and the flame flaming

Hmmmmm

I like being out somewhere public.. and he whispers in my ear what he wants to do to me. That hightened sense of awareness is soooooooo GREAT!

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:52 am

czBrat,

Hopefully DK and myself and the rest of the blog game will have this joint so hot and steamy that your eyes will not burn…visibility maybe bad due to the steam, but just hang on

Professor

November 13th, 2009
10:54 am

Dream,

I am with you a naughty text message or anything like that…

Doing it somewhere in public my ex and I broke in a lot of model homes…:grin:

Cemeeli

November 13th, 2009
10:54 am

czBrat – I agree.

Happy Friday also, that’s to everyone.

czBrat

November 13th, 2009
10:55 am

Doing it somewhere in public my ex and I broke in a lot of model homes…:grin: here we go!!!! lalalalalalalala

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
10:56 am

or..

When you’re in the bed and you “fall asleep” before he does and all of a sudden you feel his hand running over your newly lotioned skin…and you feel a light breeze over you b/c he just whipped the covers back and rolls you over nibbling your neck while he mounts you and well….. lmao!!! Oh the memories :green:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 13th, 2009
10:57 am

Prof

I haven’t tried the “public” avenue yet.. I’m a lil scarrredd lol

Wonderwoman

November 13th, 2009
10:58 am

Hi all

Raqi- Thanks for sharing your experience. You are breaking it down this morning. Its refreshing to hear someone, through their ups & downs are still happy in love. And not bitter and resentful. Where hope is lost, you’re making me believe it can still happen in this crazy world!