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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Alice in Imposterland

I’ve heard a lot of my single friends voice concerns about getting to know a person and making the decision to get in a relationship with them.  Whether you meet online, at church, or through friends, you still have to put in the work and effort it takes to peel away the layers of a person’s personality.

My male friends are especially concerned about women who impersonate a sane and mature woman when she is really the exact opposite. Psycho and immature women are the leading cause of property destruction and restraining orders. (Ok,  I just made that up but you know what I am saying!)

Men have a real fear of falling for the wrong woman who has pretended to be someone she’s not just to land him. I think this is one of the main men don’t like us to change after they get with us. Why is she changing after I am “all in to her” and who is she now?!

My friends and I have literally found that some men not only are posers, they actually make up or omit a lot about themselves in an effort to gain our trust. Yesterday we talked about full disclosure in dating. What happens when you get false information?

Have you found that there are a lot of posers in dating? What do you think it takes to protect ourselves from this type?

Maybe this is all the more reason to seek out the low-key, non-flashy types of people.  Usually the quiet and cool people don’t feel the need to advertise themselves.  Why do they get overlooked so much on the dating scene?

Ladies, do you ever feel like you are Alice in Wonderland surrounded by all these characters that confuse you?  How do you handle it?  Are you mindful of not being a poser or appearing as one when you date someone?

331 comments Add your comment

Professor

November 12th, 2009
9:17 am

Hey Blog Gang!

Well Diva this would have been an excellent topic five months ago for some of the bloggers.

I really hate people trying to be something they are not! Really if you know you are dysfunctional go get help and stop pretending to be normal. If you know you are a loser stop pretending to be a winner. Just stop the games and things will roll well on all fronts.

As for me I do not worry about being a phony, heck my record can stand on its own. I let my dates know from the being that I have a wick sense of humor and a strong sense of faith. I do not try to pose as something I am not, because I am proud of who I am.

Professor

November 12th, 2009
9:18 am

Say what?

How did I get the first posting?

404

November 12th, 2009
9:25 am

Like the good old sayin’ “Women marry men thinking they can change them, Men marry women thinking they will stay the same, both are disappointed.”

It’s just like a job interview, you put on your best appearance, the rest will come later. People just have to understand that.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
9:27 am

Good Morning,

That’s the reason why I say dating is a game of chance. You have those that are up front and truthful about who they are what they bring to the table and so on… and then you have those that conjur up this person that doesn’t exist. It’s quite disturbing if you ask me.

As for myself I am who I am. I am so thankful that I am confortable in my own skin that I don’t need to send in a representative to act on my behalf. I always say not everyone is for everyone, so if it doesn’t work or another person isn’t feeling you move on to the next. It’s so many people in the world that may fit with your personality or your likes and dislikes to try and change who your are to accomodate or attract a particular person of interest.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
9:32 am

GM Prof!!

and just like 404 said in the 2nd paragraph…. You can’t keep that mask on forever eventually it comes of and the “real” you is unveiled. So why not come out with “you” in the first place. Whether the person likes it or not it’s just easier to be who you are…

Wonderwoman_don't_have_nothing_on_Me!

November 12th, 2009
9:49 am

Newbie to the blog..be gentle
Yes there are a lot of posers in the Atl…but I believe there are some diamonds in the ruff (keeping a positive ‘tude)

To protect myself, is to take my time in dating. I believe in time everything I need to know will be revealed.

I kind of disagree abouth quiet/cool people not being posers. I dated a guy who was low-key, but always tried to impress people. He posed as being so confident. But behind closed doors was insecure. He questioned himself, his possessions, and his manhood (if u know what mean)! He had issues within himself he didn’t address. Instead he pretend (posed) as being confident, he really was not.

I try not to surround myself with confusion. As far as me being a poser, not my style. You either love me or leave me alone!

Anotha Brotha

November 12th, 2009
9:51 am

I think discernment is a trait that both genders need to get hip to. I mean really, who’s worse, the person who’s posing or the dupe that fell for game?? It’s a weak trait and there is a cost for those who’s awareness isn’t where it should be. In the wild you’d get eaten up. And we’re not that far removed from the wild lol. The worst is when I hear men crying this nonsense of finding “golddiggers”. Nothing wrong with a woman seeking a strong provider (don’t let ‘em fool ya, they all do) But essentially, all a woman can do is sit and wait. That man, other hand, is actively choosing a scandalous woman. That’s a flaw in him. Shout outs to Paul McCartney, Usher, Puffy and Nas.

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
9:57 am

hello –

I don’t know which is worse…pregnant women, or menopausal women. The hormonal imbalance on either one is just unreal!!!

If you don’t care for the smell of oatmeal and maple sugar, then stay out of the common area during the time most are having breakfast! come on now!

Professor

November 12th, 2009
10:00 am

Welcome to the blog! Wonder_woman

Hey Dream!

I just feel like major cities have become the breeding ground for imposters (fe/male). Think about most people do not know your folks and cannot verify your stories and people make up professions, degrees, and all kind of crap…

abc

November 12th, 2009
10:01 am

Men who complain about golddiggers are just dating out of their class. If what a chick wants is to have a lot of money spent on her, who’s to say she’s wrong for wanting that? (Well now, greed isn’t a very good look, but hey, if that’s what she wants, that’s what she wants.) Many women grew up in and are accustomed to plenty of money.

What ALL women want the most is security. The level of material wealth that is takes to satisfy a woman’s need for security will vary based on the woman herself, what she’s used to, how she grew up. It’s not difficult for a man to tell if he can afford a particular woman. I’m sure that’s something that women would on the lookout for, per the topic: is this guy pretending that he can afford me?

If you think she’s a golddigger, you just can’t afford her. Move on to the next one, there’s a girl you can afford out there somewhere — or, get yourself into a position of being able to afford what a woman wants and needs.

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:05 am

From what I remember the biggest imposters were the so called music producers, rappers and sports agents. They were always “just about to get that big break” and that break never happened. They would lie about people they know, places they went and gigs they were hosting all while working that $20,000 real job that was barely getting them over.

The next set of imposters where the ones who feigned having a mutual interest as yours. They would listen enough to say just enough to make it look like you two had something special in common. When it all surfaced they were lying.

As for crazy, I think one of the characteristics of crazy is first not realizing you are crazy and second would be hiding it if you actually knew you were. Crazy is as crazy does.

I think we are just living in a time where more and more people are led to believe that unless you are a certain somebody doing certain things, you are undesirable. Ordinary people are out of style, so to speak. Women will try to dress the part that they feel will get them that perfect pick. And men will try to play the part that they feel will get them that perfect dime. But most of it usually pan out to be just wrong.

People, especially the grown ones, need to start realizing that looking a certain way, making x amount of dollars, and knowing a select group of people does not automatically make you good relationship material.

I love being just a plain old ordinary person. I love my ordinary life. I love the mundane of everyday living. I love that I found a man amongst all the crazies and imposters that desired just plain ole me. And he is just my plain ole “Joe” that makes me happy.

Hopeless Romantic Diva

November 12th, 2009
10:05 am

I agree that in dating there is risk, but there is also reward. There is risk in that you may invest time in someone who eventually reveals sides of his or herself that are deal breakers, but there is also reward in that we learn more about ourselves and we may find that we care more about the one we are dating over time.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:08 am

There is a big difference between a woman who wants financial security/brings half of the honey to the pot versus

A goldigger who only brings looks to look good in front of that pot….

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:11 am

If you think she’s a golddigger, you just can’t afford her. Move on to the next one, there’s a girl you can afford out there somewhere — or, get yourself into a position of being able to afford what a woman wants and needs.

abc That is very, very true. My husband says a man only complains about doing for a woman because he does not want to do it. He wants something for nothing, in so many words. And to add what you just said, possibly because he is not capable of doing so, yet still wanting “that” type of woman. Agreed.

404

November 12th, 2009
10:11 am

I think dating is: when you take the risk to know someone, without being naive that what they appear to be may soon disappear when both of you become comfortable with.

Is it me or what, when I am out there I know that during the beginning the woman I am dating will not let me see her without her hair done, neither does she come out without plugging her teeth LOL? Only after a while she will come out and tell me she has a fake teeth. lol But I do know that sooner or later she will meet me in her pyjamas

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:14 am

A goldigger who only brings looks to look good in front of that pot…

But Dream whose to blame in that situation? The man who is after that look or that woman for looking the look? IMO, it’s the man that can’t handle it that to blame.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 12th, 2009
10:16 am

Morning All!

Professor I see you kicked the door in this AM! LOL! And yes, major cities are breeding grounds for all the ‘wanna be’s’. What people have yet to realize though is that a lot of maor cities truly have the ’six degrees of separation’ thing at work. You never know who knows who/what as you are steadily coming up with your ‘new’ identity.

Cemeeli I hate that too, what can you say chica.

Melo

November 12th, 2009
10:20 am

Well Diva this would have been an excellent topic five months ago for some of the bloggers

Hey pple!!

For that kind of deception Proff,the key is just not to give away the goods in 3 weeks or 2 motnhs etc….have some real discretion in opening those leggs ladies coz anybody can be this or that(lying).
It takes a bit of time to unmask all that,in case the person is lying about their rsume!

Have you found that there are a lot of posers in dating?

dating is all about posing and putting up a show! Its about winning at all costs.
Only after u have given the person a chance to be with u,have dinner or lunch and sit down and talk substance is when u find out the real deal.And not even in one sitting.

So how u gonna just deliver the pudsy unless u so sure????

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:25 am

A golddigger is a wo(man) who is with you based off of material possesions/lifestyle/and oppurtunity.

Let’s bring this back full circle to the topic at hand. This wo(man) can play the role of loving you/caring for you/wanting to be with you….putting on that face

But s(he) is only with you for your money/lifestyle. There are plenty guys/gals out there that can afford to keep up with their wo(man) maintenece, but if the woman is with you for that sole purpose, then YES she is a golddigger. JMO

Wonderwoman_don't_have_nothing_on_Me!

November 12th, 2009
10:25 am

Thanks Prof!

Anotha Brotha- I agree on the discernment, but some people let their emotions get involved. Discrement you have to the spirit of rational thinking. It’s hard to discern through a cloud of emotions to determine if that person is posing! (I’m still working on the discernment thang for myself..lol)

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:25 am

I think if folks stop aiming above their means they will get less disappointments. If you take the time to get to know a person you will see that person for who they are.

As was stated yesterday, we need to be more accepting of other’s flaws and shortcomings. We need to be more realistic about our wants and expectations.

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
10:28 am

@ Mo – I wanted to ignored it…but she’s and older lady so then i replied, “i’m sorry it bothers you”, and then kept right on enjoying my breakfast. Since you are not at YOUR desk anyway, slow your roll complaining.

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:30 am

Anotha I agree with you, however discernment is just a fancy way of saying “open your eyes”.

As Maya Angelou says “If, someone shows you who they are, Believe them.”

Discernment is just paying attention.

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
10:31 am

Anotha Brotha – Keen discenment will keep you out of alot of foolishness.

Wonderwoman’s tagline…OKAY!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:33 am

“i’m sorry it bothers you”, and then kept right on enjoying my breakfast.

Cee you are krazy,but i would’ve did the same thing.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:36 am

I think if folks stop aiming above their means they will get less disappointments..

True Raqi,

And if they would just be honest, you can save yourself alot of explaining, slammed doors, disconnected phones, and deleted friends.

Now whether that person chooses to accept you, thats up to the individual, and if they don’t… again just keep it moving. She/He will not be the only catch out there. Trust me :)

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
10:37 am

My husband and I were talking the other day about people that get taken for the their life’s saving largely thru these very popular spam emails.

When you are looking for something for nothing chances are you are bound to get taken. That’s the problem with the dating scene these days. When folks know what you are looking for the will make it seem real just to get you.

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
10:48 am

Mo MushMouf was crazy…you are a mess girl!

Professor

November 12th, 2009
10:50 am

Hey Mo! I had to kick the door in..LOL

Melo…I agree with your naughty behind…giving up the goods in three weeks or two months is really just sexing you are not trying to start a relationship because all you know is their breath smell like beer and feet the next morning…

abc If you think she’s a golddigger, you just can’t afford her. Move on to the next one, there’s a girl you can afford out there somewhere — or, get yourself into a position of being able to afford what a woman wants and needs.

You can say that again partna!

Leggs

November 12th, 2009
10:55 am

Good morning!

I bring myself to the table. The only representative you’ll see is the one that won’t fart, belch or pick their nose in front of you. Other than that, it’s all me! :wink:

Professor

November 12th, 2009
10:56 am

Melo

So how u gonna just deliver the pudsy unless u so sure????

Tell us about how a guy can just pull out that crusty worm without being sure as well? One day he meets a woman and she put that FIRE on him and he cannot eat, sleep, drink or work because he is under the V-power…

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:57 am

;wink;
;lol;

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:57 am

czBrat

November 12th, 2009
10:58 am

GM All!!

I agree with those who have already said it plainly. Your best defense is TIME. Take the time to get to know him/her before jumping in. As Maya Angelou says “If, someone shows you who they are, Believe them.” LUV THAT Raqi/b>!

Funny thing with that interview analogy. I’m more likely to puff myself up at an interview because I do have some professional insecurity about not having completed my degree studies; but I make no pretense when it comes to dating because I’m comfortable enough with myself as a woman to give you a clear and simple ‘take it or leave it’.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
10:58 am

I did it!!! Yes.. finally..
Now on to this bold/italic… I keep seeing…

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2009
11:01 am

Dream_n — Here’s a cheat-sheet for you:

http://karaokebus.tzo.com/blog_formatting.txt

Professor

November 12th, 2009
11:01 am

Ohhh Dream I like the stacking of the little faces

:evil:
:shock:
:evil:

:grin:
:smile:
:grin:
:wink:

Sorry, but I wanted to do it too :wink:

Raqi...Just Plain Ole Me

November 12th, 2009
11:02 am

Looking back on the mistake I made with my son’s father, I can now see where I not only set the stage but I blinded myself to what was real. Thru conversation he got a feel for what it was I was looking for and he became that person. Money was no object for him, time was no issue for him. There I was a young woman that had recently lost her husband and was raising a child alone.

I don’t doubt that his initial intentions were to just hit it and be out. But after getting to know me he probably saw that he had to change his approach to get to me. And that he did. However so where along the line it turned into us living together, which was probably not how he originally wanted to be.

And I know my getting pregnant was not in his plans. LOL

Leggs

November 12th, 2009
11:03 am

Oh my…..crusty worm! That was funny!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 12th, 2009
11:03 am

Professor I had to laugh chica!! But I do understand, sometimes we need that in here, make it plain up front! :smile:

Cemeeli – Mush Mouf, King Mumbles….chose either one! LOL!

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
11:08 am

czBrat Come on sis…you gotta come up better than a measly unfinished degree…i’m sure your SO wouldn’t care long as you are stand up with good character.

Girl, you gon’ make Mo bring in 10 cases of Pepsi so i can drink half, and pour the rest on you for adding that.

:)

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
11:08 am

thanx swiss..

Give me about 15 minutes i’ll be stacking too Prof!!! lol

Cemeeli

November 12th, 2009
11:10 am

Well dang SwissArmyKnife! You came from round the corner wheeling that Segway on one well WHENEVER someone is in need of the cheat-sheet!

Professor

November 12th, 2009
11:18 am

Dream stack those little faces!

Mo upfront is the only way I know to be…

Melo hurry up and tell me why these guys like to give up their beanie weenie once they buy a mojito?

czBrat

November 12th, 2009
11:25 am

Professor, don’t forget
:roll:
:mrgreen:

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2009
11:26 am

I’m a nerd, Cee… it’s what I do. ;-)

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 12th, 2009
11:26 am

…hurry up and tell me why these guys like to give up their beanie weenie once they buy a mojito?

LMAO at “beanie weenie” :lol:

Leggs

November 12th, 2009
11:29 am

Me too, SassyMe, me too!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 12th, 2009
11:31 am

:cool:
:wink:
:smile:
:evil:
:shock: – Sassy’s personal favorite lol
:gasp:
:???:
:neutral:
:roll:
:arrow:
:green face:
:idea:

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 12th, 2009
11:32 am

Morning Folks!

I have to agree with discernment and time. If it don’t smell right, back away. If it smells too good, give it time to get balance out.

Thursday night football – yeah baby!!! Time for some lemon pepper wangs.