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Full Disclosure

In an attempt to understand the male psyche, I asked a few men the question that a lot of women have pondered.  Why won’t men tell everything? I got a lot of great insight about this.  Apparently, it’s one of those “be careful what you wish for” kind of things that we think we want but probably won’t like it.

What makes some men avoid telling it all is the reactions they think they will get once the disclose what they are truly thinking.  It’s not about any fear (well not physical fear, hopefully) of women, but it is the dread of getting the cold shoulder, bad attitudes, and having the sex come to a screeching hault.

It takes a long time for some men to even trust their mate with their inner thoughts.  During that time, he is observing how the woman responds to stress, disappointment, anger, etc.  This tells him a lot about her character and maturity.  Once they get that trust, often times they are more willing to share with you what they are thinking and feeling.

Guys, when do you feel that you can give full disclosure to the women you are dating? How can a woman show that she is trustworthy?  Why are some men drawn to the type of woman they can’t trust fully and stay in a relationship with her?

Ladies, have you ever dated someone who told you everything? I am talking full disclosure and honesty about who he was, his intentions, etc. Was it a great experience? Did you find that you had to adjust to that type of honesty all the time?

When you are exploring a relationship, do you want to know everything about the person you are dating?

238 comments Add your comment

Mike

November 11th, 2009
8:27 am

Never been first! Till now.

i'm swiss

November 11th, 2009
8:38 am

To borrow a line from Jack Nicholson… “You want the TRUTH?!? You can’t HANDLE the truth!!” :lol:

Well, depending on the exact subject, sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle of giving full disclosure. I mean, be honest, how are most women going to react if we tell the what we really think of that ho friend of hers, or that it’s not the dress that’s making your arse look big, etc. :lol:

Now, if it’s something really important, then that’s one thing, but sometimes it’s really better to just smile politely and lie your arse off…. :lol:

BTW, Mike — feels good, doesn’t it?

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
8:54 am

The problem with all this is you don’t want to get too invested in someone and then find out some quite unfavorable information about that person.

When you first meet someone all of their ins and outs, comings and goings, haves and have-nots are really none of your business. However, as you start to form a relationship with that person some information becomes pertinent. But then by the time they feel the need to disclose or you just happen to stumble upon it, it’s too late. Your heart has become delicate. You are invested. Have you ever made the statement “Had I known that upfront I would have never bothered getting involved with him/her”? Yeah, I have also. In the end I felt like the entire 2 years was a waste of my time despite the good days we did have together.

Having said that, as adults I think it’s only fair to be able to ask questions and get honest answers. You have a right to know certain things about a person that you are looking to invest your time and life into. You have a right to protect yourself from getting in too far just to find out something about them that would prevented you from taking that leap had you known it upfront.

If a person becomes offended by you asking a question chances are the true answer is probably one you will not like to hear.

Cool Shadow

November 11th, 2009
8:58 am

Guys, when do you feel that you can give full disclosure to the women you are dating?

When you feel comfortable around her to open up and expose your insecurities and fears; in short, when trust is established. You want to feel that if you open up to her, it doesn’t somehow get back to you or thrown in your face in an argument as an attempt to emasculate or devalue you.

How can a woman show that she is trustworthy?

By demonstrating she can be told things in confidence and not have to run and tell someone because she’s got a new ‘drama topic’ like it’s a breaking news story.

George P Burdell

November 11th, 2009
8:59 am

Men will tell everything when women tell everything. That means it will never happen. I am somewhat surprised at the question being directed to men only (”Why won’t men tell everything?”) I thought this was the age of equality between the sexes.

She Hate Me

November 11th, 2009
9:03 am

Women don’t know what they want half the time. They spend the other half changing their minds about who they are, so it makes it impossible to divulge inner matters of self to them.

Now that I have ruffled feathers… let me say this!
WOMEN ARE THE STRONGEST MOST INTELLIGENT CREATURES ON THE PLANET!!!!!
WOMEN HAVE THE POWER OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND OF THE WORLD UNDER THEIR GRASP!

Here’s the problem… either they don’t know the aforementioned truth or they don’t know how to wield this prowess.

Women have the need for communication, fiscal and physical security (among many more). Although they are emotionally perturbed 70% of the time, they want their men to be this bastion of emotional strength and intelligence.

Well being who we are as men, if we’re smart, we know this. So since women need what they need, men can’t do anything to shake that fragile balance and expect a strong healthy relationship.

Therefore, men shouldn’t lie, but rather be very discerning about what to share, how much to share, and when to share.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
9:04 am

Good morning, everyone! Roll call…..

I’ve dated a man that told me everything. At first I thought it was very refreshing, but I soon found my phone ringing with every step he took. I knew how much he spent at Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Farmer’s Market, etc. I often looked at the phone wondering why the heck is he calling me with this info. It soon dawned on me he was discussing his “wallet.” He had money and all stores he went to never spent under $200.00. SO WHAT!

I would have to be invested in a man to tell him everything, and that can only happen over a long period of time. I don’t want to know everything my SO thinks, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to know all that I think. I have a g/f friend that’s going through this exact thing. She tells her man everything and he now thinks she’s a basket case, needs to be medicated (there is some truth to what he thinks), and is now in the throes of ending the relationship.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
9:05 am

When you are exploring a relationship, do you want to know everything about the person you are dating?

A part of me says NO, then there’s the part of my that does. So I’m at a toss up with that one.

Then I have to ask myself do I want a “potential” mate to know everything about me. While I have no criminal history, there are some things in my past that I just might not want to tell.. so I’ll go with the NO answer.

While I may not want to know everything about you, I would like to know the information that could possible hurt/embarass me if seen with you. lol
I do not like uneccessary drama, but then again if a person is really digging you they will never disclose that information upfront or possibly ever.

It’s a gamble when starting to date a new person. It’s a game of chance. You may have found the one or you may not have found the one. I just say GOOGLE them…. make both your lives easier… :)

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
9:10 am

But on the flipside,

If we’re in a committed relationship and the trust has already been established. I would love for a man to open up to me. Not the whiny type that cries over spilled milk, but the type that can let me in. I think it’s absolutely sexy to sit on the edge of the couch sipping on a Sangria and listen to your man open up about hell anything that’s on his heart!!! WOW.. Something about that is just priceless

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
9:12 am

Now as for full disclosure as to a person’s intentions? The truth of the matter is withholding that information makes the relationship based on a lie. It’s a very selfish act that many of us have been guilty of.

The thing is there is an array of folks walking around this city, and many others, and chances are finding a person that would be okay with your real intentions is doable. Why keep someone hanging with under pretense? As WiseDiva stated most are afraid of losing that “benefit” that comes with being with that person so they will hide their true intentions.

That statement that Swiss referenced about not being able to handle the truth is true also it’s full of BS. Most folks definitions of “not being able to handle the truth” means that person will not be wanting to or willing to stick around after finding out your intentions are not the same as theirs. Them “handling” the truth pretty much means they will be out. Rightfully so.

C tha 1

November 11th, 2009
9:16 am

I’m in the phase in my relationship with my wife where it may be in my best interest to hold back every now and then. We were at the table eating dinner and I decided to make a comment . . . that just so happened to be what I was really thinking, and the truth. She had her bedroom gown on, hair pulled back with a couple of strans standing up, and just finished nursing our baby. As she was eating some food from her fork fell to her old maid gown. I looked up and said, “You look a hot mess”.

I thought I was playfully pointing out the truth. She thought I was being mean. I thought my sense of humor was lightening the mood. She now thinks my sharp wit is actually too sharp, and I’m a bit of an AHole. I thought that pointing out the food on her gown would make her clean it off . . . and it did. I wasn’t trying to be mean but maybe I could have told the truth in another way. But I didn’t. Sometimes I’m not as smooth as I think I am.

mytw♥cents... WWMy2D?

November 11th, 2009
9:19 am

Happy Slick & Slippery Hump Day, Y’all

SHE HATE YOU While I can’t say I agree with your stat or premise, I can get with the your explanation on how that trickles down. Ultimately, I don’t know that we’ll ever live in a day & time when men will not be convinced they know what a woman can handle better than she does. So I don’t even visibly fight against it after expressing my desire for the straight talk, no chaser. I’m more of a concientious objector who will intuit the truth left unsaid eventually.

Also, I’m a Positive Patty type and don’t think the truth is always being hidden suspiciously. I’m thinkin they’re often trying to protect us, although we may not appreciate it at the time.

czBrat

November 11th, 2009
9:20 am

GM All!

Ladies, have you ever dated someone who told you everything? I am talking full disclosure and honesty about who he was, his intentions, etc. Was it a great experience? Did you find that you had to adjust to that type of honesty all the time?

i have that now and it’s been great!! however …. i’m taking notes on Leggs’ 9:04 :lol:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
9:22 am

C tha 1

tsk tsk tsk…

Now let’s first take into consideration that she was nursing a baby… meaning she has just given birth not too long ago…

With that being said, You should already know that we don’t feel at our best. Most women don’t slim down to pre-pregnancy weight until about 9-12 months. And our hormones have not come back to normal just yet… So for you to say what she may already be thinking was prolly a little hard on her….

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
9:25 am

morning…

Here’s one Swiss“I’ll lie to you as honestly as i can”…borrowed line.

Full disclosures should be based on how vested you are into the person/relationship.

What makes some men avoid telling it all is the reactions they think they will get once the disclose what they are truly thinking.

Right. Why should he/she share things if your reaction is anything that breeds belittlement, negativity, condemnation…

Case in point, we don’t need to know everything anyway, but if you find myself overasking, jus check it.

mytw♥cents... WWMy2D?

November 11th, 2009
9:32 am

C THA Now I ain’t never birthed no babie,s so I may not understand the delicate hormonal balances… but I woulda chuckled and prob said sumthin bout it not stoppin you from practicing on the next bun in the oven…

BSandwich

November 11th, 2009
9:34 am

I wholeheartedly agree with Cemeeli! Full disclosures should be based on how vested you are into the person/relationship. I can say it takes a while for me to become comfortable enough to open up, so I would be extremely hesitant to share to just anyone.

KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)

November 11th, 2009
9:34 am

Good morning fam! Interesting topic Wise…

Back to lurkville for a little while!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
9:35 am

mytw♥cents

Nice witty comeback…

Page1908

November 11th, 2009
9:43 am

A friend of mine believes in telling dudes her whole life story the moment she meets them. When she goes out on dates, she tells the dudes something like this: “look, i am 36 and i don’t have time to be playing games. i wanna get this thing going because we are both too old to be going back and forth”. then she continues to tell them what happened in her past about her family and how her baby died, etc. she says that the dudes appreciate her being upfront and they are on board with going forward, then the next thing i know i get a call from her saying she hasn’t heard from the dudes. she said one dude told her “you probably don’t wanna tell dudes from the get-go that you wanna get married, that your baby died, etc. that’s a turn off”. she said dude said it in a “joking” manner, but then she never heard from him again. of course he didn’t tell her this until after they boned. smdh.

abc

November 11th, 2009
9:43 am

What kinds of things are you wanting disclosed?

Men are slow to trust women because they know better. Surely, there’s no need to beat that dead horse again.

i'm swiss

November 11th, 2009
9:45 am

[In my Butt-Head voice...]

Huhuhuh huhuhuhuh huhuhuhuh…. My2 said “slick, slippery hump…”

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
9:47 am

@c tha 1 ~, sorry, but that was funny. If you had said it with a smile on your face it would have come across better. Sharp wit is a dangerous thing to have especially when you’re trying to be funny!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
9:47 am

Morning Party People!

Cemeeli – I agree with this chica.. “Full disclosures should be based on how vested you are into the person/relationship.”

C tha 1 – that was funny as hell, however yes you coulda/shoulda said it another way. I have been there, done that. She wasnt feeling all that glamourous and you added salt to the wound! Giving birth, nursing…WHEW, taxing on the body and your hormones! Cut her a lil slack.

Mytwo – funny on the 9:32. And no it doesnt stop them! :smile:

MELO

November 11th, 2009
9:50 am

Guys, when do you feel that you can give full disclosure to the women you are dating?

Absolutely No full disclosure…..thats like playing the card game with ur hand, wide open.

As u get to know her,some things u can share,others u dont. Getting her all wrked up emotionally is the whole idea anyway..That ensures that she does not dump u at the slighest hint of dirt.

Girls do the same too,so its not a one way strret thing.

Why do u chics use make up?? So u can look good and disguise the bad spots on ur faces, etc.
Why must a guy tell all his potential mates that he slept with all the eligible girls on his street??

Common sense pple!
Morning!

MELO

November 11th, 2009
9:56 am

of course he didn’t tell her this until after they boned/strong>

NICE…….hey swiss!

.hey Page! :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
9:56 am

Come on now women never disclose it all..

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
9:56 am

Thanks BSandwich – Welcome in…

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
9:57 am

Full Disclosure.. I agree Melo can be quite dangerous..

I don’t need to know that you had sex with an 8 month ol’ pregnant girl when you were 18 and the baby wasn’t yours… (i’d rather you keep that to yourself)

i'm swiss

November 11th, 2009
9:57 am

‘Sup, Melo

Morning, Cee

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
9:58 am

He gets my full trust from day one, it’s up to him to keep it like that.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
9:58 am

Because everyone is introducing you to their Ambassador to the country of them..

MELO

November 11th, 2009
10:03 am

Hey im at home in honor of the Veterans and it stops raining?? Wicked i tell ya.

Glad i got u guys….

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
10:04 am

..That ensures that she does not dump u at the slighest hint of dirt.

@ Melo – If he dumps me based on what i shared (that truth), he wasn’t ready anyway. I was.

mytw♥cents... WWMy2D?

November 11th, 2009
10:04 am

Hey DREAM_N & MO It gets me into trouble sometimes. That’s half the fun, tho…

SWIZZIE It was just for you, hon.

CEE What u disclosing, miss???

mytw♥cents...For You

November 11th, 2009
10:05 am

Enter your comments here

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
10:07 am

communication can be so complex in terms of epressing onself…..I think in the start you get a preview of who that person wants to be and with time through verbal and non verbals somethings come out…somethings should be kept and others should be told…as with anything else it is taking a risk so spill the beans at your own discretion….

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:08 am

Me personally.. I’m not letting you know anything about me except the basics until I feel like Im ready. I’m a very private person and I dont like everybody knowing my business.. I guess when I feel comfortable enough to let down the castle gates then and only then will I give up the goods. Oh and then it will be measured because with great power comes great responsibility..

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
10:10 am

@mytwo – “What u disclosing, miss???”

I’m vanilla.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:12 am

Then Too.. I can tell you anything.. Be with me and you will see who I am because I dont mask who I am.. I dont listen to anything a person tells me, I just observe and really could give a rats a$$ about your past, Im concerned about your future.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
10:16 am

If he dumps me based on what i shared (that truth), he wasn’t ready anyway. I was.

CEE.not evrybody is for u nor predisposed to wanting u,if they knew everythinng u did in ur wild past. etc..jus saying,not u specifically..

So with that said,there are some things that definately belong to the black book of the past,never to be shared with anybody….
As individuals,we try our best to mitigate against loss(moral,emotional etc) and we self serve.So if a potential chic says,u know what,my mum is etc and my dad is etc and my fam is etc and we just starting to date,its on me to evaluate if i want to proceed or not,based on my evaluation.
Told those stories later on in the dating game,they may not mean much to the guy coz emotionally,hes vested and shes a good girl and the sexx was off da meter blah blah blah.He may just say,”its OK baby” and move on.

Told too early and hes like me,hes gonna bone..then say…eeehhhhh,i think there are better options out there.

Tata! :lol:

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
10:23 am

Never show your trump card right off the bat!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:23 am

I think I’m concerned about both..Past/Future

I can’t have you having a felony on your record, b/c 9x’s out of 10 your aren’t going up anybody’s coorporate ladder… So unless you’re looking to start your own business.. I would have to take that into careful consideration.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
10:27 am

not evrybody is for u nor predisposed to wanting u,if they knew everything u did in ur wild past. etc..jus saying,not u specifically

@ Melo – I’m not using my past as an example…i really am vanilla.I just find it easier to insert (me as and example) to help balance this thing. But when people disclose their past, no ONE can condemn you…if they try, thank God he hurriedly put their intention out there.

I (Cee) do not have a heaven or hell to put anyone in, so i honestly do not judge anyone based on their past.

Alpha Dog

November 11th, 2009
10:29 am

Every weakness and secret I shared in confidence with my ex-wife ended up being thrown back into my face at the first argument. It got to the point where I wouldn’t tell her I was going to the mail box.

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:31 am

Morning!

Full disclosure…. simply put we want to know what we want to know, and anything else we cannot handle. Most folks are not equipped to handle sporadic information unless it is something like winning the lottery.

I have had guys tell me stuff and it was an instant turnoff. Someone probably told them that full disclosure is best, but sometimes some people are just not ready to handle some things.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
10:32 am

CEE,not condemn as such but with some things, I wld rather, that woman is not with me notwithstanding her pudsy is off da meter.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
10:33 am

Alpha Dog I was thinking the samething….many will use it against you and that’s a coward move….and telling it to a stranger early on is just a bit much…the basics is needed and with time the real you shows…and decisions can be made to persue or keep it moving without a war of words of who I am and use to be…we all have a story and a closet…

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:34 am

@Dream I hear you on that 10:23 and I agree…

The best crystal ball for the future is a quick look at the past

I know there are exceptions, but I keep it clean and look at the past, as for disclosure some of the things people tell they should take it to their grave or holla at a counselor because you just don’t go around telling everything IMO

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:34 am

Alpha Dog – Every weakness and secret I shared in confidence with my ex-wife ended up being thrown back into my face at the first argument

Here here!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:36 am

Besides if I tell you Im a Secret Agent with a license to kill then I’ll have to kill you..

Oh Wait somebody already used that one.. Dang!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:36 am

we all have a story and a closet…

So True Lady J… That’s why some things are left being unsaid…

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:38 am

Dream – You can have a felony expunged especially if youve got the first offenders tag with it..

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:39 am

Alpha Dog

I remember mentioning the disclosure thing on the blog not too long ago. In college we learned that disclosure makes you vulnerable and gives away your power. Just because one person tell their meth head, drunken raged story may mean that they are fine with it and everyone knows, however no one knows your story so when you confess and they get to popping their gums you are in trouble.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:40 am

Professor

Exactly!!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:41 am

DK

Then it wouldn’t be on your record would it?? :)

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
10:42 am

That was not nice InfamousD, but funny!

Take note: “get to popping their gums you are in trouble.” Like the phrasing!

Flex

November 11th, 2009
10:44 am

Women disclose very little themselves and just as likely to misinform as a man would be. So as I see it, when I’m comfortable with her level of truthfulness and disclosure, I’ll make her comfortable with mine.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:46 am

People kill me judging one for their past..

MELO

November 11th, 2009
10:47 am

In college we learned that disclosure makes you vulnerable and gives away your power

Exactly Proff…. hey!

By the way,tell me smething I dont know!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:50 am

It’s not about judging, it’s about taking ones past into consideration exspecially if you’re going to allow that person into you personal life…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:51 am

Besides if I tell you Im a Secret Agent with a license to kill then I’ll have to kill you..

Oh Wait somebody already used that one.. Dang!

LMBO. Okay now let me finish reading up.

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:52 am

Let’s take this a step further with the judging people regarding their past. It is done all the time even want ads will say experience necessary depending on a job. Therefore, I consider sharing myself, life, etc. with someone as major so I will check the past. I don’t want Mr. Felony or Former Pimp in my life…I am too important for that.

…stepping out for 15 minutes

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:53 am

*especially*

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:53 am

Every weakness and secret I shared in confidence with my ex-wife ended up being thrown back into my face at the first argument.

Alpha, unfortunately you were married to a woman that liked to attack the person instead of the issues. That’s one of the biggest mistakes made in relationships.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:55 am

if they try, thank God he hurriedly put their intention out there.

Cemeeli, that says a lot right there. If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
10:55 am

Three Words Daily – Follow YOUR dreams.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:57 am

Giving birth, nursing…WHEW, taxing on the body and your hormones!

Mo, I don’t even know what Ctha1 said in his post yet but I will second that statement right there.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
10:59 am

yep raqi you are so true….you made me have a major flashback to one of my couseling sessions before the divorce…..it was never about the issues it was just attack mode and pointing figures without a solution….cowardly to say the least…It is so easy to blame than admit fault and try to hold your head up like your sh*** don’t sink….sorry this is personal to me bc I can’t understand why some choose this method than being just straight up….The couselor finally said to the ex well it seems you made your decision so why contiue to point fingers…

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:00 am

Can’t think of anybody that needs to know EVERYthing about me. I’m willing to be open about myself with MND, but ER’THANG? Naw, IMO, maintaining some mystique is healthy.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:00 am

sorry for the errors….lol nothing new…lol

MELO

November 11th, 2009
11:02 am

If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship

I wld be ok with that thinking and i wld dare say,i dont mind that judgement being applied on me.

U entrust ur lyfe to somebody with a sordid past but they say they have changed nd u buy it?.U taking a chance.
Thats on u!
Jus like Country wide,that gave loans to pple with credit issues.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:03 am

On the other hand, any question he asks me will be answered, truthfully and in full. But me just volunteering information is probably not going to happen.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:03 am

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:06 am

SexyCool, I agree with your 11:03. There is certain information that should be volunteered but then there is some information that needs to be kept on a need to know questions asked bases.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
11:10 am

If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship

Melo.. you’re a fool…

but I would hope if a person judges you negatively, you would not pursue a relationship with that person.

IMO
It’s not about negatively judging you. It’s about being truthful with yourself and knowing what you can or can no take.

If a man told me her was a registered sex offender.. I would not be willing to pursue a relationship. Will I judge him for his past mistakes NO. Can he become a changed man YES. But I will not be continuing a journey with him to find out if he’s changed…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:15 am

Lady J, that attacking thing is something we really have to be careful about. Sometimes people are set out to hurt that person emotionally when they feel they have been wronged. And some people don’t know of any other way to address issues other than taking shots at the other person. Sad but true.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
11:18 am

The funny thing about ya’ll bumping ya’lls gum about what and who ya’ll wont fool with the first ones in the house spread eagle..

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
11:23 am

I’ll take that post as you talking about the women that you know personally… since that is not true in THIS case.. I’ll look over your little rant :)

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
11:23 am

One of pet peeves is telling your SO something and when an argument ensues, they throw it back at you as if it has relevance to the argument at hand. I have always tried to argue the issue and not the emotion. Me, I will walk away in a heartbeat (even if I have to lock myself in the bathroom).

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:27 am

so true raqi! you just summed up why I am divorce! that other stuff we could have worked it out for the long haul but that was the last straw for me especially when he was wrong too two wrongs don’t make a right but your wrong can’t measure my wrong and he is not GOD! OMG, it was ugly and it is sad it resulted to that….That is why to this day I focus on my faults and my errors and improve….It’s so easy to place blame….two people are at fault and when the other closes down communication and working for a solution to get past it, it is a wrap….keep it moving! It would have NEVER taken me 25 years to figure it out….I had a chic to ask me how do you handle being divorce so young and she’s comtemplating divorce….I told her I could not fake the funk and it takes two….I also told her I am not the one for advice either everyone’s home is different…peace of mind is priceless and it a sad yet great thing that happened bc it made me wiser….society perception I could careless about bc I made the error thinking about other marring in the first place that marring for the right reason….the lesseon learned was to be true to thy own self and living with someone that thought they were better was not going to happen long…God blessed me with lil lady to save my life bc I was on the role to taking that brotha out! LOL We do fine now as co parents! LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:27 am

I find it rather ironic when we allow our friends to know more about us that we do our committed partners. That has always boggled my mind. To take a person on has your committed partner is making that person the closest individual to you and if you can’t be your true self with them there is a big problem.

A person committing themselves to another person should not do so if they are not willing to accept that person for who they are, with their past and present. IMO I don’t see having a happy prosperous future with a person that cannot accept my past and my present as I stand.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:29 am

Sunday morning, MND and I were getting ready to go to church when Shirley Ceasar’s “Jesus, I Love Your Name” came on. That song brought back so many memories of getting dressed to go to church as a child and singing in the choir that I damn near cried. I was so emotional and then MND walks in the room singing the song really loud and really offkey. I couldn’t do anything but laugh.

One of the things that I appreciate about MND he is not ashamed of his faith. And it makes me feel more secure in the ability to disclose things to him that I may not to others which is why I have no problems answering the questions that give him information that I am probably not going to volunteer.

I’ve been singing that song all week.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
11:37 am

Infamous – LMBAO at that 10:36! :smile:

Raqi – loving that 11:15 and you know those babies do a number on you!!

Lady J – hey chica and you could have spoken more true words with this one “we all have a story and a closet”

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
11:42 am

@LadyJ, reading that post was like reading me. I went to counseling alone because he said there wasn’t anything wrong with the marriage, there wasn’t anything wrong with him but everything was wrong w/me.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:44 am

Hey Mo!!!! We do and some forget or ignore and look to others to validate them through their insecurities of thinking they are above you…smh @ such foolishness….Raqi truly thanks for understanding!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
11:54 am

Leggs – me too chica, I eventually was sitting in counseling by myself. I used it to my advantage, but he too felt like there was nothing wrong

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:55 am

Leggs and LadyJ One of the worst things is feeling like you are in a relationship alone. That is what ended my relationship with the Nature Guy. He was not to type to attack but he was so darn needy it’s like I was doing everything for him. It was all about him. It takes reciprocity to have balance and that we did not have after awhile.

Although we had some good days for during the first year and half, those last 4-5 months made me wish he would have disclosed to me up front that he was a whiny, needy little boy. It was like the more comfortable the relationship got, the more I was tending to his needy behind. Hell I had two kids, I didn’t have time to be his mother also.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:59 am

I guess I should have known something was off with him earlier on when he attempted to bail on one of our dates when I suddenly became “unavailable”.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:04 pm

Speaking of disclosure, I have come to find out that men are the most vulnerable when they are naked. It’s like the more exposed they are the more they will disclose.

Don’t believe me? Have a heart to heart conversation with your guy while he is in the tub. Even when he doesn’t realize it he will be a little more revealing than usual.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
12:08 pm

Indeed Mo, used it to my advantage. I took that time to figure out how the how I was going to get out of this marriage. I stayed way too long. Yet, when I left I knew I exhausted all avenues in trying to make things work and get a clear understanding of what’s wrong and how to fix it. Unfortunately, some broken things I need help fixing. He didn’t want to help fix anything until he found himself paying rent in his own apartment, sitting on his couch all alone!

czBrat

November 11th, 2009
12:16 pm

um. yeah. *raising my hand*. ex-hubbs attended two sessions then said there was no need for counseling. i continued for a year and got soooooo much out of it! :)

on topic: i find it incredibly refreshing that my s/o is comfortable enough with himself, with me, and with our relationship to disclose as much as he does. i can tell that he weighs out when and what needs to be shared, but i’m glad he’s moving through that process just the same. i tend to disclose openly as questions arise. i’m not deliberately holding back info. there’s nothing in my past or my personality that i want to hide, but sometimes i just don’t realize what the other person might consider worth knowing. i’ll tell him anything if he asks, and he has learned to think long and hard on his questions before asking.

abc

November 11th, 2009
12:19 pm

Now Raqi, if my girl tried having a discussion with me while I was in the tub or shower, I would say “wait until I’m out of the bath, please”. Ain’t no way I’m having a discussion while bathing. In fact, I think I can say that if I’m not wearing clothes, I’m either quite busy with something else or sleeping, not having any kind of meaningful conversation!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
12:32 pm

Raqi – your 12:04 is funny!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:37 pm

So I am right, abc. LOL

But it’s not really that uncommon to have a conversation while in the tub. It can be a situation where you are sharing a bath. Or a conversation can start just going into the bathroom for something else. It’s really not that rare of an event.

But yeah, from your response my findings are correct. :wink:

It’s funny sometimes because we can just be talking and if the conversation turns to where he needs to…I don’t want to use defend because that is not the word I want…but if it’s a convo where we are really disagreeing, he will get out and wrap a towel around his waist or put his pants on. Every time. There is something about you menfolk having your guard down in your nekkidness. LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:39 pm

LOL Mo. abc confirmed it.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:42 pm

While men are incapable of arguing while naked, it’s a woman’s best defense. LOL

Ladies yall know I am right. If you are having a disagreement and just will not see it your way or grasp your concept, just start taking your clothes off piece by piece. It won’t be long before you have his undivided attention.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:44 pm

Oh lord I forgot the LOLs and the Just kiddings and I am only being partially funny and the tongue in cheek disclaimers.

Disclaimer: I am just clowning in that last comment.

But it’s still funny and partly true. :lol:

For Real

November 11th, 2009
12:44 pm

Nothing on this planet is 100% and especially a creature that’s a slave to their emotions. Thus no full disclosure because their ain’t one person on this planet that trust 100% other me, myself, and I. You will only get what I THINK you need to know. If you want more find another dude. This also goes back to the pussification of men. Women talk about their feeling and thoughts because that’s how they COPE. Men plot, plan and act. That’s how we COPE with our thoughts and feelings.

Raqi: Ummm I don’t of a man that will have a honest heart to heart with you while they are showering. Notwithstanding the foregoing, I believe that you believe you are having a heart to heart but trust me Mase in the shower saying to himself “She wants to have a heart to heart NOW while I’m washing my nutts? Dayum I love her but she quirky as hell.”

LURKER

November 11th, 2009
12:49 pm

Most women will not disclose information about themselves especially when it comes to how many sex partners and if they have been involve in a threesome. :smile: Once the relationship developes then you can ask important questions!

Well lookey here Dream-n likes IDK! Go ahead dream-n with your badself!

For Real

November 11th, 2009
12:54 pm

Raqi: “There is something about you menfolk having your guard down in your nekkidness.” – So long as I have socks I’m good to go. Beside women always aim for the wang.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:58 pm

ForReal, man come on. You know how things just happen. LOL It’s not like I initiate the deep convos. Things just have a tendency to find that path sometimes. Hell it takes too much energy trying to remember “okay I am not allowed to speak of XYZ while he is washing his balls” in addition to not talking about certain things right after he gets, while he watching the game, while he is punching numbers on his calculator, while he taking a nap, and so on. LOL

Hell if left up to you all no time is the right time. I’ll make a deal, if no other time is the right time, that time when you want to get some and your attention is on me, that will be the time to talk. After we talk we can move on to other business. LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
1:00 pm

Beside women always aim for the wang.

That’s funny as hell but you all probably do think that. LOL

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
1:03 pm

Lunch= A chicken ceasar salad on pita bread with a side order of fries.
Fruit punch for a drink and 1 slice of pecan pie to top it off…. :) yummmm

okay back on topic..

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
1:16 pm

Lunch – tortilla wrap with honey ham with alpha sprouts, cucumber, lettuce, tomato and ranch dressing downed with a Fanta Orange!

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
1:24 pm

@Raqi, what was the final verdict….smorthered chops or chicken fettucinni (sp?)?

czBrat

November 11th, 2009
1:25 pm

lunch – t.b.d. probably gonna treat myself to that steak homewrecker i’ve been craving all week (if i make it through this last hearing without strangling my son!!) :)

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
1:27 pm

Lunch = Cracked pepper turkey on honey wheat bread, with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, spicy mustard and smoked gouda cheese. Washing it down with Lipton Citrus Green Tea.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
1:27 pm

There is something about you menfolk having your guard down in your nekkidness

so its ur man and who else who do this u observed??

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
1:29 pm

Leggs, the chops with mashed potatoes and steamed green beans.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
1:32 pm

Altho i will say this,there is some wrinkle of truth to it.(u a darn good playa Raqi)! :lol:

Evey man will give a lil inch,as long as she is not attacking his anatomy,to an equally nekked lady,esp when they about to do it.
Its just being charitable,esp just be4 u make her all lay down,missionary or from the back.
Its only charitable to want to attemtp to give an inch in those circumstances. :lol:

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 11th, 2009
1:35 pm

Afternoon Folks!

My fiance’ pretty much knows everything. The one thing that I usually don’t tell folks, I told him – without being asked. We were having dinner and I felt that he needed to know. There might be some other things he doesn’t know – but it’s because he didn’t ask and I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Professor and Cemeeli – I was at Subway and asked for lemon peppers on my sandwich instead of banana peppers….it’s about that time, LOL.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
1:36 pm

Melo, thinking back I can say that I kinda remember whitebread being like that. My first husband and I were so young I didn’t really pay attention to much and he really didn’t have guard to put up at the time.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
1:45 pm

Lunch – Stouffer’s spaghetti with meat sauce and steamed spinach. Water.

(Exciting, huh?)

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
1:46 pm

Oh gymtime 4 lunch,…And what i ate for lunch is – Crab salad (i made it – yay!) and flat bread chips…green tea…

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
1:48 pm

Tazzee – I like how you operate.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
1:48 pm

Lunch – Potato from Jason’s Deli (Pollo Mexicano) with some Mango tea

See ya’ll after I eat! :smile:

SCool – I actually love Stouffer’s Lasagna (when I dont feel like making it…talk about time consumming)

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
1:49 pm

lol @ the popular Lipton greentea…i had sparkling raspberry.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
1:49 pm

Cemeeli – I so applaud you on the lunchtime gym dedication.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
1:55 pm

@ SexyCool – Thanks…my stuff is fallin’…hahaha…you know what i’m talking about.

That Stouffers lasagna is perfect for anytime you don’t wanna make it yourself. folks like their mac n cheese too. Marie Challender’s makes decent pot pies…

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
1:58 pm

On full disclosure, how many of you would date a person who spent 10 years in jail for robbery as a teenager? You know being young and dumb, but has since grown up??

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:00 pm

LOL Melo. If we are about to do it there is a very good chance that we are not discussing much or disagreeing about anything?

What is funny though, I did something twice and the first time I just did it out of frustration. Upon observing something that happened, the second time I did it on purpose just to confirm what I thought I noticed the first time.

That ^ sentence rambled on kinda like you do. LOL

But anyhoo, we were disagreeing…no we were arguing once and we were both in the closet getting undressed. I was frustrated with him so I balled up my shirt and threw it at him. He is pretty quick and he knocked it to the floor and said “aight stop throwing stuff at me”. We continued to talk and when I took off my cami I balled it up and threw it at him. He caught it. We said a few more words then I went in to take a shower. I turned back to get my robe and not only was he still holding my cami but he put it to his nose and smelled it.

Several months later we were having a mild disagreement and we were in our bedroom. Again getting undressed. I took off my shirt and was getting ready to put it on the bed but then decided to ball it up and throw it at him. He caught it and threw it back. I was well aware of what I was doing. I was into finding out what he was going to do with the slip this time than I was into what we were talking about. So I took of my slip and threw it at him and told him to stop being a hardarse. Just like I thought he may do, he caught it and held on to it. I went into the bathroom and came back out he was laying back against the bed still holding the slip then he threw it at me. What happened after that is not in line with what we are discussing. LOL

But I now know a new tactic. LOL Toss my recently worn delicates at his head and he will simmer down. Yall get distracted my our feminine essence.

Not really but something like that.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
2:01 pm

Of course grown up. You know what I meant!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:01 pm

I like the Stouffers lasagna also. Never had the spaghetti.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:02 pm

I have yet to prepare lasgna, but the Stouffers lasagna I have to agree is very tasty..

For Real

November 11th, 2009
2:02 pm

Lunch = Big Arse burger from Tited Kilts. Hooters is in trouble.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:02 pm

Leggs Juvenile offenses are excusable.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
2:06 pm

@Raqi, cute story. I was told I was old fashioned because I wear slips. A person told me if someone could see through their clothes, they had no problem with it. Well, I don’t think it’s a nice look so I still wear a slip.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:06 pm

Dream_n, I make lasagna at least once a month. I only buy the frozen kind for when we are going out and I can just throw in the oven for the lad to eat while we are out.

It’s not my favorite dish to make because there are too many steps but if I say so myself it taste pretty good.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:09 pm

Leggs..

Not that I could prolly work with.. As long as it was a “1″ time offense and it was in his adolecent/juvenile/hardheaded years…

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:09 pm

yes i am tooting my own horn. My lasagna is that business…and they’ve all said it is so…

they = girlfriends i know can cook, momma, co-workers…AND…drumroll…the behind scenes staff from “While You Were Out”

Yea, i was on that show…

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:11 pm

Raqi

Yesterday my mom had me make spaghetti. She sat back and told me what to do and in the end it came out fairly well. Not exactly like hers, but close.

I know you would appreciate this, given the prayer you lead on my first day on here.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:12 pm

@ Leggs – Where are all the full slips?

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:13 pm

Leggs

My dresses and skirts are too tight to wear slips…. *shrugs*…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:14 pm

Cemeeli were you really? Did they do a good job? I used to watch it and I thought the materials they used were sorta crappy. What were you final thoughts about it?

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:15 pm

Yep Leggs I am slip and camisole wearer. My momz instilled it in me.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:15 pm

@ Dream_n – Do you own one? No, every dress skirt don’t need a slip.

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 11th, 2009
2:16 pm

For Real – When they opened that Tilted Kilts place, I wondered about it. Then I saw a commercial while watching college football. Yeah, I won’t be going there to eat, LOL.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:16 pm

Dream what did you do with the sauce? Scratch or Jar.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
2:17 pm

Raqi, well i think u have a way of putting ur thoghts across to ur man when in a ceratain situation.Im sure it has its effecct.

Wld u consider that as u manipulating him in some way…coz ur man comes across as not the argumentatrive type,no wonder the continous holding pof the shirt etc…kinda shocked and caring that u angry at the same time….
Right??

Now me and Queen dont do that.

When she angry,more than likely, im angry too,so we just eye ball each other,silently,like 2 bulls about to fight. :lol:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:18 pm

Cee..

No, I don’t own own either.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:18 pm

Crappy! Ding..ding..ding…ddddddDINGIIIIIING!

Yup Raqi

The work was redone less that six weeks after they’d came for the show. This was one of my close friend mini manison and she wanted a new spin on her husband’s “cave”…he is a Marine, and girl lemme tell you how we were looking at the finished WHILE on camera.

:shock: :razz: :shock:

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:18 pm

every dress skirt don’t need a slip

Yes it does. LOL

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:20 pm

Jar.

Ragu w/ meat is what it was called… but ironically there was no meat in there… Go figure

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
2:20 pm

Is this National Shoot Up the Workplace month? Two dead, two wounded in Oregon….WTH?

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
2:20 pm

What happened “While You Were Out?” Never heard of the show. Did you guys come in take over someone’s something?

@Raqi ~ I’ve made lasagna from scratch once. It was my ex’s favorite meal. He truly enjoyed it. But it’s work to make.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:20 pm

@ Raqi – No it don’t…i can wear some of mine without a slip…Or…are you being facetious?

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:21 pm

You can’t put a slip under those “herve ledger” dresses. You sould just look all bunchy…

Willie Dynamite

November 11th, 2009
2:23 pm

Afternoon All –

Full Disclosure is a definite no go. Even being married I am smart enough to know that nothing ever ever ever will be better with full disclosure. Now I will tell the truth 99% of the time but it will not be the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Most men will take the path of least resistance. I mean if I had the choice of telling you a partial truth but truth nontheless vs the whole truth and another 30 minute discussion then its a no brainer.
I however, will and always have been been totally forthcoming about my intentions.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:23 pm

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:25 pm

Melo manipulation? No. I wouldn’t try to use that on him. I just did it the second just to see. He is not that gullible either.

Believe me I know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
2:28 pm

Cemeeli – I always wonder how long people leave some of that ‘crap’ in place once the cameras were gone.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
2:28 pm

I don’t wear slips every day. I’m wearing a jean skirt today w/o a slip simply because you can’t see through the material.

@Dream_n, try making your own sauce. Can or 2 of tomato paste, water, italian seasoning, garlic, oregano, salt, pepper and sugar (to ward off the tanginess) and season to your liking.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:28 pm

Cemeeli, yeah I am. Lined skirts don’t require wearing a slip. That’s why I buy camisoles and half slips also. I can wear a cami for the top when I don’t need a slip for the bottom. And then there are certain times when I wear the whole slip.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:29 pm

Dream_n you need to try making your sauce from scratch. It takes longer but it is good and taste fresh.

abc

November 11th, 2009
2:30 pm

Funny how yall equate ‘deep conversations’ and ‘arguments’ as having to do with each other. As soon as it becomes an argument, a man will simply remove himself from the situation, period. Arguing with a woman is a losing proposition.

Proverbs 21:19 says “It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.”

Proverbs 27:15 says “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike;” (compare with Proverbs 19:13, “A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”)

“An obstinate, argumentative woman is literally like a leak so unrelenting that one has to run from it or go mad. Here are two ways to devastate a man: an ungodly son and an irritating wife.”

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:32 pm

@ Ms. Leggs – That show came on TLC. You chose a room to be decorated, video tape your interview and my girlfriend sent it in and they called back saying her’s had been selected. This particular taping was for Armed Services Week -segments. It was fun. I did lamps and curtains…didn’t like when they were talking while i was tryna paint and stitch though. I’m not camera friendly…

They tried to do purple and black for a man cave…me and her after that day were like “no” at the same time…it’s funny now.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:34 pm

I’m trying to at least make the surface things first, then graduate to the hard stuff.

What’s funny is, I used to pass by the house and get a whole dinner to take back home. Now that I’m temporarily a house guest she ain’t playing that… lol
We well I made spaghetti garlic bread w/ chicken.(well the chicken is debateable lol)

This lady called me at work and was like what are we eating today.. and I told her what I wanted on the menu. That’s when she told me I was cooking.. *blank stare* She said she’d pick up the chicken (uncooked) on her way home… I said don’t worry ma I’ll get it…

I came home with a LARGE bucket of KFC… she was just shaking her head… I couldn’t help but laugh.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:35 pm

@ SexyCool – It’s not worth it…i was called at work…took off to help my girl of course and afterwards i was like her – what have we done to his room! When he got home he was just overwhelmed and happy by the cameras, t.v. staff… and his mom, dad, best friend from Marines all there to do something for him.

My girlfriend had that room redone eventually though.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:35 pm

Cemeeli and SexyCool the show that used to get me was Trading Places. Some of those decorators on that show were clowns. They would purposely put stuff in those folks houses that they cleared said not to put.

I was reading a discussion board some years back that one of the people that had been on the show started. I would say about 75% of the people from the show were displeased with the outcome and ended up changing it.

There was this one lady that they glued feathers to her wall. She was so upset. On the discussion she said that her friend with whom the traded places with pleaded with the decorator (when the camera was not on them) to not glue those feathers to the wall. The two families spents two weekends getting those feathers and that glue off the walls.

Had I been on that show they would not have aired my episode because I would have went off on somebody. It would not have been pretty.

LURKER

November 11th, 2009
2:35 pm

Disclosure I want me some Cee right now! I know yousa flirt! Lunch on is on me! :wink:

Drean-m you better layoff that pecan pie before you bust out of everything! Disclosure yousa got a big butt!

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:38 pm

@ Dream-N – Cute story…You and moms roommates?…She want you to cook too…lol @ KFC

Lord Velonese (Hardy Har Har)

November 11th, 2009
2:38 pm

Twee words daiwy – HA HA HA

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:39 pm

abc Deep conversation and arguments are NOT the same.

Wise Diva

November 11th, 2009
2:40 pm

it takes a lot of courage to have full disclosure, most of us don’t like being that vulnerable to other people.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:42 pm

Cee..

Yeah for now… It’s me my mom/dad and the lil one..

I think they only good thing for them is getting to see the lil one on a consistant bases… Mann their eyes light up when she comes in or they get home…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:43 pm

most of us don’t like being that vulnerable to other people

That’s why men should keep their drawers on. LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:44 pm

WiseDiva, did you just intercept my comment?

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:44 pm

Nevermind, there it is.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
2:47 pm

“Had I been on that show they would not have aired my episode because I would have went off on somebody. It would not have been pretty”

@Raqi – Yea…i assauge one of those “bout to go-off”.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:50 pm

WiseD

I think you’re absolutely correct. I don’t think anyone likes feeling vulnerable.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:50 pm

The shows I like watch sometimes is Divine Design and Designer’s Challenge. Those homeowners put some real money into those decorating projects. And it’s looks good and high quality when they are done.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
2:51 pm

2.30 pm.abc..was the bible written by a man or men??

Ur quotes smack of male oppression literally.
U Republican abc???

No wonder progressives are breaking away from bible stuff in droves.
Those quotes right there smack of male bigotry and dwnright disregard for the woman’s opinion,feelings or opinion.

Its like if a woman and a man are querrelling,its a woman’s fault! :lol:

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
2:53 pm

The show I like to watch is “Moving Up” where people by homes and redecorate to their liking and the previous owners come back and assess the changes.

@Dream_n, no need to disclose a lot on this blog, but was your friend sad to see you end the relationship. Glad you were able to go back to Mom’s and regroup! Some can’t even do that.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
2:55 pm

okay what possessed me to think I could eat a WHOLE potato from Jason’s Deli?? WHEW!!

okay now what are we talking bout??

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
2:57 pm

abc what your desired reaction for your lady when something goes awry? Particularly when it’s YOUR fault?

Is she not allowed to speak of it?

I am not condoning arguing and whatnot, but it’s just how things go sometimes. When there are two equal adults under one roof disagreements and arguments will surface.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
2:59 pm

a WHOLE potato Mo???

u got sme planned tonite for that BIG apetite??
u need lots of stamina and energy:
:lol:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
2:59 pm

Leggs.

I like that show too, and I also like the show where they do all these upgrades on their house… and its kinda like a contest between 3 houses. They are trying to figure out which house would have a better return on their upgrades… I luv it.

And to your question.. Let’s just say he wasn’t happy and still isn’t… but my lil one and I are, and that’s all that matters right now.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
3:00 pm

I don’t watch t.v. i had to get the dvd of the show i was in.

I really don’t do much t.v….

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
3:01 pm

The thing about the vulnerability of full disclosure is that it puts all of your faults and flaws – especially the ones that you want to forget about – on Front Street.

And no one wants to have the worst of themselves, the things that they may hate about themselves, are ashamed of or are regretting, spread out for someone to pick apart and judge or give someone as reason to reject them based on things that they used to do, have done or someone that they used to be but aren’t anymore.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:02 pm

Mo we are talking about why a man shouldn’t eat Dream’s spaghetti in the nude while watching Cemeeli paint her friends house purple while wearing Leggs slip and trying look Sexy and Cool.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
3:04 pm

That was good, Raqi!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:06 pm

Cemeeli I used to have only 3 shows that I liked to watch and other than those I was off doing something else. But now since I married someone that likes to watch television and insisted on having a tv in the bedroom, I watch more now than I ever have.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
3:07 pm

Did you have chicken or turkey chilli on you potato, Mo?

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
3:11 pm

the re-cap! funny.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:12 pm

OMG Have you all seen Sammy Sosa’s face? He looks awful.

abc

November 11th, 2009
3:12 pm

Melo, King Solomon wrote most of Proverbs. I don’t think he was a Republican, and I’m not either. I don’t think that ‘progressive’ and ‘breaking away from the Bible’ have much of anything to do with each other.

Raqi, when we have a problem, I insist that blame is not assigned. After all, assigning blame does nothing to solve whatever the problem is. My position is that it doesn’t matter how we got here, compared to what we’re going to do from this point. It was tough for her to deal with this at first, as she expected that blame would be assigned to her all the time. Hey, everyone messes up, no need to get mad and throw rocks. Blame is unimportant.

Assigning blame to each other is a mistake. It’s counterproductive to the union. And, we don’t have arguments. Now it could be that at least some of the reason why is that my girl knows that as soon as an argument fires up, I will disengage and the conversation’s over — I’ll talk through problems for as long as it takes, but I won’t argue about them. Period.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
3:16 pm

@Raqi, he looks horrible. He looks gay and he says he changed his eye color just to do something different. The only thing that still looks like Sammy Sosa is his nose. He even texturized his hair. The lights may have something to do with it (.03%). He looks a hot mess!

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
3:19 pm

How come you can’t eat just a couple candy corn? Looking down half the bag is gone

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:19 pm

I insist that blame is not assigned

When it’s my fault, it’s my fault. There is not blame being assigned, it’s just the truth.

I agree that the issue should be dealt with instead of attacking the person. If you go back and read I said that earlier. But it sounds as if you are saying any time a woman is frustrated or angry to offending the man. We all have a right to get angry. If you screwed up own up to it. Most of woman’s “irritations” stem from something the man has done. Or didn’t do.

I think those verses you posted are talking about just being quarrelsome just because you can. Nobody likes a nag, but when it’s a legitmate frustration, it’s all good.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:22 pm

angry to offending the man

Insert :arrow: angry she is offending the man

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
3:24 pm

Leggs – Hey Babe..

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
3:27 pm

@InfamousD ~ Hey Sweetie….

abc

November 11th, 2009
3:31 pm

At my age, I’ve had way, way enough of angry chicks. Women can somehow feel justified in getting mad at any little thing, blowing it completely out of proportion. I’m completely over that — if you want to be mad, welcome to it, but I’m out. “We all have a right to get angry”… now, WTF is that all about? Nobody has the right to inflict their own frustration and malcontent on others.

The verses describe women. Acknowledging exceptions to everything, and that nothing is ever absolutely so, for the most part, chicks get mad when they don’t get their way, and most of the time, they don’t know what it is they really want; and if they do, it’s 50/50 at best that they’ll tell you the truth about it. Complicates things; doesn’t mean I have to cater to it.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
3:38 pm

Cemeeli – Chicken. And I am so done! LOL!

Raqi – thanks for that recap, I think I got it now!

okay so is anyone else REALLY surprised at the whole Shaq fiasco?!?! Other than the fact that there is yet another woman out there that can understand what the heck he says when he talks?? Sounding like a grown azz Mush Mouth from Fat Albert

Willie Dynamite

November 11th, 2009
3:41 pm

Mo – Mush Mouth. That aint right, aint saying you wrong just that aint right.lol!!!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:43 pm

So abc you assign “she just an angry woman” to any frustration or irritant that you a woman has? And if she tries to address it you take the route of tuning her out as if her frustration has no merit in your book because she just a woman?

It’s easy for the other person (i.e. MAN) to say it ain’t that big of a deal or you just being argumentative when they don’t want to deal with it. That’s just like telling me my opinion of POV does not matter. A argument is not necessary yelling to the top of your lungs and all that nonsense. It’s an argument when we don’t agree and we both have the right to say our peace in the matter. It’s not his way or nothing.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:45 pm

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:46 pm

Okay I am done arguing with abc. I have stated my POV. LOL

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
3:47 pm

Willie D – im jus statin the obvious! LOL! That dude irks the heck out of me…..King Big Dummy! :smile:

MELO

November 11th, 2009
3:51 pm

abc…u didnt address the issue tho.

U so knowledgeable on the bible..wld u mind teaching me stuff,say on ur off days,about that book?.

Im horrible with the bible…horrrrrrible.

I was even ashamed to ask u more about King Solomon

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
3:53 pm

King Big Dummy! Sounding just like Fred Sandford!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:54 pm

Tonight it’s shrimp and monterey jack cheese grits with grilled focaccia and jalapenos.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
3:55 pm

Leggs – LOL! I guess I did huh? :smile:

But seriously, I need him to go sat down too! GEESH!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
3:55 pm

Mo, I can’t stand those Comcast commercials.

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 11th, 2009
3:55 pm

My BFF and I wanted to sign up for Trading Places, but I love ceiling fans and they NEVER let homeowners keep them. I saw that episode with the moss on the walls – I would have fought someone over that – it looked like all kinds of bugs could get caught up in there.

I need some good crock pot recipes, it’s that time of year…

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 11th, 2009
3:56 pm

I like Shaq.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
3:56 pm

Does anyone else have a friend that you have to repeatedly build up their self esteem and they look to you for confirmation on almost everything… it gets draining

Willie Dynamite

November 11th, 2009
3:57 pm

Raqi – How are U cooking the Shrimp? Is it like Shrimp n Grits (gravy style) or like fried fish n grits? Either way i’ll drop by round 7:30.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
4:00 pm

Grits???

Raqi, i thoght u guys eat grits for breakfast…. hmmmm

Smetime back,Queen and I went to Gladys Knight place at stonecrest for dinner and all we found on the menu was grits that,grits this all over the menu…………..

we looked at the menu,glanced at each other and we were outa there…neva been again.

Southerners have funny tastes smetimes.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:01 pm

Tazzee I usually reserve my crockpot for stews or beans.

Beef, chicken, lamb are the usual. I’ll email you some of my recipes.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:02 pm

Yes Willie I cook my own shrimp. And no you can’t have any. LOL

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
4:02 pm

Tazzee – I like Shaq’s skills on the court….in his hey-day.

However the fact that he cant talk above a mumble irks me to no end. Dude you make waaaaay to much money to sound like a 1 yr old learning to talk! Take the marbles oucha mouf and speak clearly!!! :mad:

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
4:03 pm

Not to mention Shaq cant stay out of the media for cheating

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
4:03 pm

meant cheating on his wife

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
4:04 pm

@Dream_n, yes I have one. I spoke about her in my first post this morning (not on what you’re now asking about). She never understands why I’m basically always upbeat and not walking around gloomy and doomed like she does. She’s draining and can only take her in small dosages. Your attitude determines your outlook on life not life’s outlook determining your attitude!

abc

November 11th, 2009
4:07 pm

I’m not that much of a theologian, Melo. I recommend participation in Bible Study classes through your local church. I’ve been in one class or another pretty much continuously for the past several years. I find that pretty much whatever dilemma I might face, there’s guidance for it in the Bible.

About King Solomon, check wiki — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Solomon. He had 700 wives, 300 concubines! So one may conclude that he was straight up crazy!

Raqi, like I said, I’ll discuss, but not argue. Assigning blame obscures the problem at hand. Bring the nasty face and insulting comments, dredging up real or perceived wrongs from the past, where a fly would light upon you and fall over dead — in short, be an argumentative woman — and I’m not going to participate. The good part is my own great fortune in having an extraordinary woman who doesn’t need nor care to argue with me, as I’ll do all I can to please her anyway, and it’s not in her nature to be obstinate, even as stubborn and willful as she can be. The value of a truly good woman can’t be overstated. She has few complaints.

Even at that, it took her awhile to get full disclosure out of me! Trust earned with greater difficulty results in more enduring loyalty — she has my loyalty due to her trustworthiness, which she has earned.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:07 pm

Yes Melo grits are good for dinner also. It’s a little heavy but it’s a good stamina builder. LOL j/k

Hey feed the family that and every one will sleep like babies. Even the baby. She’s getting her fair share of table these days.

LURKER

November 11th, 2009
4:07 pm

Shaq-diesel is going to get dieseled! Although I do think dude is funny!
I disclose that I will tie up the Professor to a chair and commence to completely satisfying her inner freak! :wink:

After you have sexed up a woman and made her have the BIG O, she will dislose bank account pin numbers, passwords and let you know if she have been in a 3-some. That is the truth! :smile:

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
4:11 pm

as I’ll do all I can to please her anyway,

abc sorry to but in.. but that above statement had me a little confused..
Anything to please her..meaning anything to make her happy?

MELO

November 11th, 2009
4:12 pm

He had 700 wives, 300 concubines! So one may conclude that he was straight up crazy

Damn,he was the man! No wonder he wrote that way u abc

But i wld rather studyKing Solomont than be meeked up, in a bible study class with some folks.

Church folks get on my nerves smetimes..well,a lot of times.

Cemeeli

November 11th, 2009
4:12 pm

@ Mo & WillieD – i like MushMouth.

Remember him from ooooohhhh, i’m going to wat Fat Albert with my baby tonight.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
4:14 pm

It’s a little heavy(grits)

well some folks at my job eat them, for breakfast.
No wonder they sleep on the job!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:14 pm

abc I get what you are saying. Like I said, I may a very similar statement. However, I can’t get with being told what I have to say does not matter because you say so and all is well because you don’t feel the need to discuss.

That’s all I’m saying. Two adults with two point of views can lead to a disagreement or two.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
4:16 pm

I eat grits almost every morning.

Tazzee - Give Us Free!

November 11th, 2009
4:16 pm

Raqi – thanks, I’ll be looking for those recipes. BTW, your song just came on the radio. I’m trying not to throw my hands up, LOL.

Mo – I think Shaq is funny. Loved his show Shaq vs. I think Doug Christie is probably the only NBA player that hasn’t cheated on his wife. And I love the way Shaunie’s not taking his crap. Oh and when he filed for divorce because she was stacking away $$$? That was priceless :lol: Now I hate that he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar again and I really hate what it’s going to do to the kids.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:19 pm

Tazzee I have been putting everything these days on CD’s so I will send them to you later this evening or tomorrow.

And gone ‘head and throw ‘em up. LOL

MELO

November 11th, 2009
4:19 pm

abc,in some ways u w;ld think the bible is just brainwashing.

A tribe of old pple are wise enough to record their history,travels and culture and we are all supposed to acknowledge their teachings as fact or a good guide on current life?

The bible was relevant back in the day,for those zulu,i mean, jewish pple!

abc

November 11th, 2009
4:21 pm

Church people get on my nerves a lot, too, Melo. They are a study in the need for patience. Most of the time, they serve as good models for how to not act like a Christian. They don’t respond well to challenges to their beliefs, which they often make up all on their own! But hey, they’re just people, like people everywhere.

See now, Raqi, I didn’t intimate that what a woman would say doesn’t matter, that’s just an argumentative extrapolation, not based in what was said. I’ve said several times discussion is fine, but arguing is not. This serves as a fine example of how arguing obscures the issue.

MELO

November 11th, 2009
4:21 pm

ok..good nite folks…

careful on the drive home,its windy

Gota go get the kids,playing house wife today!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:22 pm

Leggs I usually only do grits for breakfast on the weekends. Or maybe once or twice during the week. I like to cook mine slow to get them good and creamy.

When it gets cold like now I make oatmeal for the menfolk. I try to at least get a couple spoons down myself. It’s quicker to cook.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
4:26 pm

Tazzee – lets not even talk about the Christies! LOL! WOW!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
4:27 pm

But the thing there abc is, where I (she) may call it discussing a matter, you (he) may call it arguing because you don’t want to deal with it.

That’s the point I am trying to make. If we are disagreeing you can’t call it arguing when you no longer want to listen to what I have to say.

That is what I have gotten from your comments. It’s arguing because you say so.

But it’s all good. All you men are the same. Nothing new for me. LOL

abc

November 11th, 2009
4:34 pm

Shoot, if we can’t get together on a topic any better than that, I’d say we have no business being together, Raqi!

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
4:40 pm

@Melo, don’t get it twisted. You’re not playing housewife. Yousa being a parent!

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
4:54 pm

Good night! let’s keep it real….

“Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bulls*t!” :lol:

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
4:55 pm

Good night everyone!

“Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshyt!”

LURKER

November 11th, 2009
4:56 pm

@Raqi….. It’s arguing because you keep running your big mouth after your husband has stated I am dropping this conversation. Their are times you need to let it go and start over another day!

Raqi.. husband did you fixed the pool yet?
Husband… No I did not fixed the pool! ZIPPPPPPPPP!

Conversation over till the next time!