accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Full Disclosure

In an attempt to understand the male psyche, I asked a few men the question that a lot of women have pondered.  Why won’t men tell everything? I got a lot of great insight about this.  Apparently, it’s one of those “be careful what you wish for” kind of things that we think we want but probably won’t like it.

What makes some men avoid telling it all is the reactions they think they will get once the disclose what they are truly thinking.  It’s not about any fear (well not physical fear, hopefully) of women, but it is the dread of getting the cold shoulder, bad attitudes, and having the sex come to a screeching hault.

It takes a long time for some men to even trust their mate with their inner thoughts.  During that time, he is observing how the woman responds to stress, disappointment, anger, etc.  This tells him a lot about her character and maturity.  Once they get that trust, often times they are more willing to share with you what they are thinking and feeling.

Guys, when do you feel that you can give full disclosure to the women you are dating? How can a woman show that she is trustworthy?  Why are some men drawn to the type of woman they can’t trust fully and stay in a relationship with her?

Ladies, have you ever dated someone who told you everything? I am talking full disclosure and honesty about who he was, his intentions, etc. Was it a great experience? Did you find that you had to adjust to that type of honesty all the time?

When you are exploring a relationship, do you want to know everything about the person you are dating?

238 comments Add your comment

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:36 am

Besides if I tell you Im a Secret Agent with a license to kill then I’ll have to kill you..

Oh Wait somebody already used that one.. Dang!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:36 am

we all have a story and a closet…

So True Lady J… That’s why some things are left being unsaid…

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:38 am

Dream – You can have a felony expunged especially if youve got the first offenders tag with it..

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:39 am

Alpha Dog

I remember mentioning the disclosure thing on the blog not too long ago. In college we learned that disclosure makes you vulnerable and gives away your power. Just because one person tell their meth head, drunken raged story may mean that they are fine with it and everyone knows, however no one knows your story so when you confess and they get to popping their gums you are in trouble.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:40 am

Professor

Exactly!!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:41 am

DK

Then it wouldn’t be on your record would it?? :)

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
10:42 am

That was not nice InfamousD, but funny!

Take note: “get to popping their gums you are in trouble.” Like the phrasing!

Flex

November 11th, 2009
10:44 am

Women disclose very little themselves and just as likely to misinform as a man would be. So as I see it, when I’m comfortable with her level of truthfulness and disclosure, I’ll make her comfortable with mine.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
10:46 am

People kill me judging one for their past..

MELO

November 11th, 2009
10:47 am

In college we learned that disclosure makes you vulnerable and gives away your power

Exactly Proff…. hey!

By the way,tell me smething I dont know!

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:50 am

It’s not about judging, it’s about taking ones past into consideration exspecially if you’re going to allow that person into you personal life…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:51 am

Besides if I tell you Im a Secret Agent with a license to kill then I’ll have to kill you..

Oh Wait somebody already used that one.. Dang!

LMBO. Okay now let me finish reading up.

Professor

November 11th, 2009
10:52 am

Let’s take this a step further with the judging people regarding their past. It is done all the time even want ads will say experience necessary depending on a job. Therefore, I consider sharing myself, life, etc. with someone as major so I will check the past. I don’t want Mr. Felony or Former Pimp in my life…I am too important for that.

…stepping out for 15 minutes

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
10:53 am

*especially*

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:53 am

Every weakness and secret I shared in confidence with my ex-wife ended up being thrown back into my face at the first argument.

Alpha, unfortunately you were married to a woman that liked to attack the person instead of the issues. That’s one of the biggest mistakes made in relationships.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:55 am

if they try, thank God he hurriedly put their intention out there.

Cemeeli, that says a lot right there. If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
10:55 am

Three Words Daily – Follow YOUR dreams.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
10:57 am

Giving birth, nursing…WHEW, taxing on the body and your hormones!

Mo, I don’t even know what Ctha1 said in his post yet but I will second that statement right there.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
10:59 am

yep raqi you are so true….you made me have a major flashback to one of my couseling sessions before the divorce…..it was never about the issues it was just attack mode and pointing figures without a solution….cowardly to say the least…It is so easy to blame than admit fault and try to hold your head up like your sh*** don’t sink….sorry this is personal to me bc I can’t understand why some choose this method than being just straight up….The couselor finally said to the ex well it seems you made your decision so why contiue to point fingers…

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:00 am

Can’t think of anybody that needs to know EVERYthing about me. I’m willing to be open about myself with MND, but ER’THANG? Naw, IMO, maintaining some mystique is healthy.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:00 am

sorry for the errors….lol nothing new…lol

MELO

November 11th, 2009
11:02 am

If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship

I wld be ok with that thinking and i wld dare say,i dont mind that judgement being applied on me.

U entrust ur lyfe to somebody with a sordid past but they say they have changed nd u buy it?.U taking a chance.
Thats on u!
Jus like Country wide,that gave loans to pple with credit issues.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:03 am

On the other hand, any question he asks me will be answered, truthfully and in full. But me just volunteering information is probably not going to happen.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:03 am

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:06 am

SexyCool, I agree with your 11:03. There is certain information that should be volunteered but then there is some information that needs to be kept on a need to know questions asked bases.

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
11:10 am

If a person judges you negatively from the information you shared with them then that is an indication of who they are and how they will be throughout the relationship

Melo.. you’re a fool…

but I would hope if a person judges you negatively, you would not pursue a relationship with that person.

IMO
It’s not about negatively judging you. It’s about being truthful with yourself and knowing what you can or can no take.

If a man told me her was a registered sex offender.. I would not be willing to pursue a relationship. Will I judge him for his past mistakes NO. Can he become a changed man YES. But I will not be continuing a journey with him to find out if he’s changed…

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:15 am

Lady J, that attacking thing is something we really have to be careful about. Sometimes people are set out to hurt that person emotionally when they feel they have been wronged. And some people don’t know of any other way to address issues other than taking shots at the other person. Sad but true.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 11th, 2009
11:18 am

The funny thing about ya’ll bumping ya’lls gum about what and who ya’ll wont fool with the first ones in the house spread eagle..

Dream_n (One action can change the course of your life forever..Be wise think first

November 11th, 2009
11:23 am

I’ll take that post as you talking about the women that you know personally… since that is not true in THIS case.. I’ll look over your little rant :)

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
11:23 am

One of pet peeves is telling your SO something and when an argument ensues, they throw it back at you as if it has relevance to the argument at hand. I have always tried to argue the issue and not the emotion. Me, I will walk away in a heartbeat (even if I have to lock myself in the bathroom).

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:27 am

so true raqi! you just summed up why I am divorce! that other stuff we could have worked it out for the long haul but that was the last straw for me especially when he was wrong too two wrongs don’t make a right but your wrong can’t measure my wrong and he is not GOD! OMG, it was ugly and it is sad it resulted to that….That is why to this day I focus on my faults and my errors and improve….It’s so easy to place blame….two people are at fault and when the other closes down communication and working for a solution to get past it, it is a wrap….keep it moving! It would have NEVER taken me 25 years to figure it out….I had a chic to ask me how do you handle being divorce so young and she’s comtemplating divorce….I told her I could not fake the funk and it takes two….I also told her I am not the one for advice either everyone’s home is different…peace of mind is priceless and it a sad yet great thing that happened bc it made me wiser….society perception I could careless about bc I made the error thinking about other marring in the first place that marring for the right reason….the lesseon learned was to be true to thy own self and living with someone that thought they were better was not going to happen long…God blessed me with lil lady to save my life bc I was on the role to taking that brotha out! LOL We do fine now as co parents! LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:27 am

I find it rather ironic when we allow our friends to know more about us that we do our committed partners. That has always boggled my mind. To take a person on has your committed partner is making that person the closest individual to you and if you can’t be your true self with them there is a big problem.

A person committing themselves to another person should not do so if they are not willing to accept that person for who they are, with their past and present. IMO I don’t see having a happy prosperous future with a person that cannot accept my past and my present as I stand.

SexyCool - Something Church About Me

November 11th, 2009
11:29 am

Sunday morning, MND and I were getting ready to go to church when Shirley Ceasar’s “Jesus, I Love Your Name” came on. That song brought back so many memories of getting dressed to go to church as a child and singing in the choir that I damn near cried. I was so emotional and then MND walks in the room singing the song really loud and really offkey. I couldn’t do anything but laugh.

One of the things that I appreciate about MND he is not ashamed of his faith. And it makes me feel more secure in the ability to disclose things to him that I may not to others which is why I have no problems answering the questions that give him information that I am probably not going to volunteer.

I’ve been singing that song all week.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
11:37 am

Infamous – LMBAO at that 10:36! :smile:

Raqi – loving that 11:15 and you know those babies do a number on you!!

Lady J – hey chica and you could have spoken more true words with this one “we all have a story and a closet”

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
11:42 am

@LadyJ, reading that post was like reading me. I went to counseling alone because he said there wasn’t anything wrong with the marriage, there wasn’t anything wrong with him but everything was wrong w/me.

Lady J

November 11th, 2009
11:44 am

Hey Mo!!!! We do and some forget or ignore and look to others to validate them through their insecurities of thinking they are above you…smh @ such foolishness….Raqi truly thanks for understanding!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
11:54 am

Leggs – me too chica, I eventually was sitting in counseling by myself. I used it to my advantage, but he too felt like there was nothing wrong

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:55 am

Leggs and LadyJ One of the worst things is feeling like you are in a relationship alone. That is what ended my relationship with the Nature Guy. He was not to type to attack but he was so darn needy it’s like I was doing everything for him. It was all about him. It takes reciprocity to have balance and that we did not have after awhile.

Although we had some good days for during the first year and half, those last 4-5 months made me wish he would have disclosed to me up front that he was a whiny, needy little boy. It was like the more comfortable the relationship got, the more I was tending to his needy behind. Hell I had two kids, I didn’t have time to be his mother also.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
11:59 am

I guess I should have known something was off with him earlier on when he attempted to bail on one of our dates when I suddenly became “unavailable”.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:04 pm

Speaking of disclosure, I have come to find out that men are the most vulnerable when they are naked. It’s like the more exposed they are the more they will disclose.

Don’t believe me? Have a heart to heart conversation with your guy while he is in the tub. Even when he doesn’t realize it he will be a little more revealing than usual.

Leggs

November 11th, 2009
12:08 pm

Indeed Mo, used it to my advantage. I took that time to figure out how the how I was going to get out of this marriage. I stayed way too long. Yet, when I left I knew I exhausted all avenues in trying to make things work and get a clear understanding of what’s wrong and how to fix it. Unfortunately, some broken things I need help fixing. He didn’t want to help fix anything until he found himself paying rent in his own apartment, sitting on his couch all alone!

czBrat

November 11th, 2009
12:16 pm

um. yeah. *raising my hand*. ex-hubbs attended two sessions then said there was no need for counseling. i continued for a year and got soooooo much out of it! :)

on topic: i find it incredibly refreshing that my s/o is comfortable enough with himself, with me, and with our relationship to disclose as much as he does. i can tell that he weighs out when and what needs to be shared, but i’m glad he’s moving through that process just the same. i tend to disclose openly as questions arise. i’m not deliberately holding back info. there’s nothing in my past or my personality that i want to hide, but sometimes i just don’t realize what the other person might consider worth knowing. i’ll tell him anything if he asks, and he has learned to think long and hard on his questions before asking.

abc

November 11th, 2009
12:19 pm

Now Raqi, if my girl tried having a discussion with me while I was in the tub or shower, I would say “wait until I’m out of the bath, please”. Ain’t no way I’m having a discussion while bathing. In fact, I think I can say that if I’m not wearing clothes, I’m either quite busy with something else or sleeping, not having any kind of meaningful conversation!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 11th, 2009
12:32 pm

Raqi – your 12:04 is funny!

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:37 pm

So I am right, abc. LOL

But it’s not really that uncommon to have a conversation while in the tub. It can be a situation where you are sharing a bath. Or a conversation can start just going into the bathroom for something else. It’s really not that rare of an event.

But yeah, from your response my findings are correct. :wink:

It’s funny sometimes because we can just be talking and if the conversation turns to where he needs to…I don’t want to use defend because that is not the word I want…but if it’s a convo where we are really disagreeing, he will get out and wrap a towel around his waist or put his pants on. Every time. There is something about you menfolk having your guard down in your nekkidness. LOL

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:39 pm

LOL Mo. abc confirmed it.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:42 pm

While men are incapable of arguing while naked, it’s a woman’s best defense. LOL

Ladies yall know I am right. If you are having a disagreement and just will not see it your way or grasp your concept, just start taking your clothes off piece by piece. It won’t be long before you have his undivided attention.

Raqi

November 11th, 2009
12:44 pm

Oh lord I forgot the LOLs and the Just kiddings and I am only being partially funny and the tongue in cheek disclaimers.

Disclaimer: I am just clowning in that last comment.

But it’s still funny and partly true. :lol:

For Real

November 11th, 2009
12:44 pm

Nothing on this planet is 100% and especially a creature that’s a slave to their emotions. Thus no full disclosure because their ain’t one person on this planet that trust 100% other me, myself, and I. You will only get what I THINK you need to know. If you want more find another dude. This also goes back to the pussification of men. Women talk about their feeling and thoughts because that’s how they COPE. Men plot, plan and act. That’s how we COPE with our thoughts and feelings.

Raqi: Ummm I don’t of a man that will have a honest heart to heart with you while they are showering. Notwithstanding the foregoing, I believe that you believe you are having a heart to heart but trust me Mase in the shower saying to himself “She wants to have a heart to heart NOW while I’m washing my nutts? Dayum I love her but she quirky as hell.”

LURKER

November 11th, 2009
12:49 pm

Most women will not disclose information about themselves especially when it comes to how many sex partners and if they have been involve in a threesome. :smile: Once the relationship developes then you can ask important questions!

Well lookey here Dream-n likes IDK! Go ahead dream-n with your badself!