Top Ways to Get Approached
In any social setting, single people tend to sabotage themselves without even knowing it. If you, in fact, want to be noticed and approached, you really need to find ways to signal that you are not going to reject someone who is interested.
While we may look fabulous in our outfits, a lot of women are oblivious about their body language. Crossed arms, eyes on their blackberries, or no smiles can pretty much guarantee you will not be approached!
So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!? Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so?
Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?
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221 comments Add your comment
Dan
November 9th, 2009
8:52 am
My pet peeve is the cell phone gazing.
It indicates that 1) you’re waiting on someone, or 2) you’re not present in the moment or your surroundings. Either way, I’m not bothering you.
I was out a couple of weeks ago and met a lovely young lady simply because, while engaged with her friends, she showed that she was still receptive to being approached. In speaking to her about it, it (still) shocks me just how much scoping you ladies do on the sly.
But yeah, WD, the boot, the crossed arms, and the general energy will ruin an otherwise good looking female.
Morning folks
QC
November 9th, 2009
9:07 am
Morning Bloggers! I really don’t have an approach i just be myself…but i do approach Men..i’ve even sent a drink over to someone who caught my attention as an “ice breaker”..which usually ends up exchanging of cell numbers & great friendships…Have a great day Bloggers!
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
9:33 am
I can’t remember the last time I approached a women simply because she “looked good.” If that was the case, I’d approach dozens of women everyday.
For me, it’s her general disposition that makes me want to push up on her. If I say “Hello, how are you” and she replies with a dry and short “fine,” I keep moving. I assume she doesn’t want to be bothered. However, from talking to many women, sometimes this is no indication of her mood. Huh? It just amazes me that so many women expect to be approached even when they are not friendly.
I never buy or send drinks as icebreakers. That’s backwards to me. If we’re talking and having good convo, then of course, but otherwise, probably not.
I don’t approach women in packs. The only thing worse than trying to interest a complete stranger is trying to interest a complete stranger while her three girlfriends [who are mad 'cause no one has approached them] stand around and size you up. Also, I feel like if they’re in her business like that from day one, it’s only gonna get worse as I continue to try to get to know her.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
9:37 am
Three Words Daily – Manage life effectively.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
9:38 am
1. Eye contact.
2. Smile.
3. Don’t be ugly.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
9:38 am
So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!?Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? It may sound corny or cliche but I’m out I’m just me.
Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so? Yes I have approached a man before and with me it’s something about him that compels me.
Hopeless Romantic Diva
November 9th, 2009
9:39 am
Smile when you walk through a room. Smile when you are watching the band. Smile when you are talking to the waiters/bar tenders.
I have friends who send guys a drink if they want to meet them. And it usually works.
2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!
November 9th, 2009
9:47 am
Morning folks…..that thing called “reciprocity” is what lets me know its safe to approach a young lady….what is reciprocity? That mutual showing of interest….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..
pompous? yeah, sorta.
Dan
November 9th, 2009
9:53 am
Where’s Rell?
Cause for all that “seduction” talk, this topic should be his time to go off.
@2C – The reciprocity is the fun of it.
@Fred G. – Buying the drinks to spark the convo is a lame move. If my “-ism” can’t hold your attention long enough for us to need a drink, then I’m leading with my wallet.
Hahaha @SC – that’s hilarious
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
9:55 am
I have approached men in the past, but would not do so now.
2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!
November 9th, 2009
9:56 am
And why is that Sexy? What’s wrong with letting a brother know you got your eye on him?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
9:57 am
….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..pompous? yeah, sorta.
Confidence speaks VOLUMES….
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:03 am
As to finding ways to stand out or get men’s attention, I don’t have any tricks for that. I don’t go out looking for attention or trying to attract it. I am blessed enough/fortunate enough (and sometimes, unfortunate enough) that it just comes naturally. Usually, I’m just out being myself.
For instance, I met MND while I was sitting at the bar at a restaurant having an apple martini and waiting on someone else to arrive. Our eyes met. We exchanged ‘hellos.’ And as far as I was concerned, that was it. A few minutes later, he complimented me; we began a conversation and I gave him my number. And the rest….well, you know.
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:04 am
While there is no cookie cutter or textbook cures to dating potentials, I think the old saying stands true, Just be approachable.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:10 am
Hey, my negro, Toucan – DISCLAIMER – I am not going to explain this very well at all.
1. I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached.
2. I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well.
3. I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.
4. Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.
(Like I said, not very well explained, but….it is what it is.)
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:10 am
Even if a woman does go out with a group, which all should because it’s dangerous out there, if she make eye contact or exchange smiles with a gentleman, she should step away from the pack long enough to give the man a chance to approach.
I imagine it can be intimidating for a man to try to speak to a woman within a group of her friends and they stand there sizing him up.
Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!
November 9th, 2009
10:10 am
Good Morning!
What gets me approached usually is my smile and eye contact – the little glances over to the man of my interest while chatting it up with my friends. I’ve been told by guys that they loved what appeared to be my carefree disposition when out.
I would always get some conversation while sitting at the bar and a man has to come up behind me to order a drink. I would normally look up at him, smile and speak.
I smile and speak to everyone I establish eye contact with.
I do not approach men.
loving Melanie Fiona’s CD, been rocking since my late night work session Friday
Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!
November 9th, 2009
10:11 am
SCool Just saw your cloud status. LOVE.IT!!!
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:13 am
Taz – I wish I could bottle this up and give it to everyone I love. But of course, you wouldn’t need any. You’ve already got your own.
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:17 am
Not meaning or attempting to change the topic, but uh, Tazzee, thanks for the lead on the movie idea. It was awesome. A little gorier than what I like but still a good movie. Thanks.
2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!
November 9th, 2009
10:23 am
Sexy, while I can’t knock your theories for not approaching a guy, let’s examine those for a minute…..
1) ” I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached”…….How did you step to him? In what setting? Did you sashay over to him like how you do it (you know I love that sexy strut of yours)?
2) “I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well. “…..can’t debate on that one….
3)” I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.”……true, but who said “chasing”…you’re just letting him know you’re interested….
4)”Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.”….while that may be true, it ain’t necessarily the gospel; “a closed mouth don’t get fed!” You can let a man know you’re interested and not even approach him. The onus will be on him to make a move……
Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!
November 9th, 2009
10:23 am
SCool – yeah, my cup runneth over
Raqi – you’re welcome. I turned my head plenty times during the movie. There were also a few times when I screamed and no one else in the theater did, LOL.
On approaching men – my reasons for not doing it are the same as those listed by SCool’s 10:10. Tried it in the past and it just did not work.
Dan
November 9th, 2009
10:24 am
@Taz/Raqi
I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?
Why not smell the rose amid the weeds? Why pluck it and ruin the scent?
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:25 am
Oh…and like Taz, I speak to or acknowledge with a nod every person that looks into my eyes. (and kinda get annoyed with the don’t speak back, but um yeah, that’s my peeve.)
Mo (aka Moeisha)
November 9th, 2009
10:25 am
Morning ya’ll!
Tazzee – i really want Melanie Fiona’s CD, so its worth it huh?
SCool – co signing your 10:10. I dont mind approaching a guy, but my luck with it on the long run has not been good
I dont do anything to appear approachable, but when I dont want to be bothered I try my hardest to convey that. For some reason, dudes think when I am out eating alone, in a secluded corner, with my nose in a book that I want to be approached. go figure!
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 9th, 2009
10:26 am
Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?
Interesting topic. We were on our way to the Falcons game yesterday and I met a very attractive girl in a redskins jersey. I just made some quick conversation but the key was that she was receptive to me. I think alot of Women are used to having a 10 foot brick wall built up around them and a guy just may not be in a mood for a gauntlet. They may just want cooperation from a female not a job interview of why she should converse with you.
I think women can be approached better by being more receptive. Smile and take that sassy, attitude, and annoyed look of your face. If you didn’t come to have a good time, you could have stayed at home!
How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?
I don’t even go that route anymore. I just give out my number. The redskins girl was cool and I gave her my number. I give out my number because if a girl is interested, she will call. I don’t have time for phone games anymore. If she doesn’t not call means that maybe she is not interested, but look at the bright side, at least you found out now and did not have to waste your time, and you still have your dignity.
nathan
November 9th, 2009
10:27 am
test
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
10:31 am
@ Dan
I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?
To me, it’s the “grown up’ thing to do. As a guy, I don’t my friends over my shoulder when I approach a woman. Step back and go find something else to do while I talk to the lady of interest.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:32 am
Toucan
1. I have approached so many dudes in the past in so many ways that I couldn’t even begin to list them all. Seriously. I’m a flirt and most men respond to my flirtations.
3. Not a literal chase, but a figurative one.
4. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.
Really, I had just decided that I don’t care how attractive I thought a dude was or how much time he and I spent eyeing each other, if he didn’t walk up to me, it just wasn’t going to happen. Period. There are way too many dudes out there that will approach. There is no worry that I might let “The One” get away because I didn’t approach him. Because, if he didn’t approach me, he wasn’t who I was looking for anyway.
Perhaps, if I were in a position where I didn’t get the kind of attention I do, I would look at it differently.
Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!
November 9th, 2009
10:32 am
Dan – I don’t understand your question? Are you saying a woman should make a man approach in the midst of the ‘pack’ instead of separating herself? I guess it depends on the woman. You’re right, my friends would ask questions regardless. Shoot, if I met a guy and they were no where around, they would ask the standard questions. As far as being out with my friends – if a guy approached, my friends would ignore us, or try their best to. But they would in no way make the guy feel uncomfortable. We don’t do things like that.
But yeah, when interested I would find an excuse to separate myself allowing the guy a chance to approach me one on one.
Mo – I really enjoy her CD. It’s fun. Some 60’s flair, a little island flair. I got it when it was $5.99 on iTunes. But it’s worth the $9.99 to me.
Dan
November 9th, 2009
10:32 am
@MDot – right on, bruh! (Though my motivations are dissimilar)
I do it because I believe in presenting options and accountability. I give her the number and if she calls there’s “reciprocity”, if she doesn’t it’s still her decision.
All that “chasing” and “hunting” is old, like ‘92 high-right-low-left old. We grown, act like an adult.
TexasBoy
November 9th, 2009
10:33 am
What would get my attention is a woman who is being silly and funny but not obnoxious. I love to see a woman laugh I think that’s sexy,
Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!
November 9th, 2009
10:34 am
Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.
Dan
November 9th, 2009
10:35 am
@Fred G.
I’m talking about approaching a woman when she’s with her pack. Of course you step away from your folks (unless that wing man is needed).
@Taz
I wouldn’t expect adults to behave (making him uncomfortable) in such a fashion.
Cemeeli
November 9th, 2009
10:38 am
…morning…
Thanks for the wake-up mail Tazzee…don’t need a week like last.
…ok…approach?…nah much…i just chill…
M. (pronouced M dot)
November 9th, 2009
10:38 am
@Blog Ladies
You ladies want to know what really messes it up for you before you even start?
Smart alec women. I dealt with this before. Women who kind of have a sacracstic disposition. Almost to where it comes of as insults.
Guys, do you know what I am talking about? You approach a woman and it almost comes off like she is bitter and taking it out on you and you JUST met her?
Lord Velonese
November 9th, 2009
10:41 am
Three Words Daily – You’re a Retard
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:41 am
Dan it’s not about whether or not the friends will ask questions about the guy later. In fact it will happen without fail.
But the thing is as mentioned by many men, you all feel that a woman in a group is approachable. And like I stated earlier, I can see how that would be intimidating to a guy…him walking up to a woman while she is standing amongst her friends. Not to mention her moving away from the group for a few minutes should be your cue to approach.
And you know if your approach is lame you will not get laughed at, very loudly, by five women at one time and draw attention to yourself if done while she is away from the pack. LOL
Yeah when she goes back there may be a giggle or two, but not a “POW, in your face” type of letdown.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
10:43 am
Mdot – I see your Smart Aleck Women and raise you three Know It All Men. (The frickin’ worst.)
I remember meeting a guy and him asking me what I do. When I mentioned my business interests, within in five minutes he was telling me that the way I do business is all wrong. Double-You Tee Eff?!?!?
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:45 am
Mdot usually the smart aleck sarcastic ones (as I have been before) are not interested anyway. So if you get that call it one for the team and move on.
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
10:50 am
I know we are talking “approach” today, however the thing is every woman that leaves her house and ventures out into the great singles unknown and has a good pleasant demeanor is not looking to get approached or hit on.
Watch for her cues. Just because a woman is polite does not mean she wants you to come hither. If her bodily language is open then approach. If it’s not, then stay away, she is probably just being polite.
When guys insist that’s when the mean mugging or snide remarks come along.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
10:51 am
@M dot and Dan
I guess I’m a little different when it comes to making calls. I don’t like to give her my number and leave it in her hands. To me, it’s an insult when I step to a woman, chat, ask for her number, and she replies with “give me yours.” If she expects me to put myself out there and “take the lead,” she can’t dictate how I do that. I understand your points, though.
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 9th, 2009
10:57 am
@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++
LOL I totally agree with you. I know what you mean. The Ive been everywhere, seen everything, overly alpha male, you cant tell me nothing guy that looks like Ving Rhames with a cigar right? LOL
@Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
I see what you mean but I disagree because I dont even ASK for their number because look how crazy guys look when you just meet a woman and you call and you leave a message and she does not respond. She KNEW you called. It’s just that some women like to give their number out just to have guys sweating them and to give them an ego boost. So in your case, if I call once and leave a message and she does not call back…DELETE.
THE INFAMOUS DK
November 9th, 2009
10:57 am
Raqi – If a dude wants a chic and she’s with her crew.. He just needs to step to her in front of all of them, acknowledge them, be charming and get her.. You have to disarm the group first by talking to all of them so no one feels slighted.. All the while you got your eye on the one you want..
2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!
November 9th, 2009
10:59 am
Raqi…..usually we can tell if y’all wanna be approached….again, may sound kinda cocky, but when you’ve been in the “business” for quite sometime, you know whom to approach….and then, sometimes even when you don’t want to be approached, but you’re receptive, you can still get snagged!
THE INFAMOUS DK
November 9th, 2009
11:00 am
In order for a dude to get noticed is to just own the place from the time you enter the spot.. You 10 ft tall as soon as you walk thru the door. Not a arrogant confidence but a dude in control.. I found it works best when you roll solo, women seem to pay attention to a dude rolling solo and still owns the spot..
Leggs
November 9th, 2009
11:02 am
Good mroning.
I see your Know It All Men and raise you five I’m not looking for a relationship but would like to get to know you better in the hopes of things changing. WHAT!!
Hope all had a great weekend and did something outdoors…it was absolutely GORGEOUS.
@SCool ~ if you should learn how to bottle it up, please mail me 2 bottles. Thank you!
Be yourself, have a smile on your face, and you can compliment a man even if he doesn’t compliment you back. Just enjoy being!
Dan
November 9th, 2009
11:03 am
@Fred G.
It’s a really fine line between “leading” and “listening” with women.
I tend to fall on the side that allows her to be an active and responsible participant in her happiness.
@DK
My thoughts exactly, you’re going to be judged either way, why not get it over with early?
THE INFAMOUS DK
November 9th, 2009
11:05 am
Dan – That High right low left was bout 88 from where I was..
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
11:06 am
IDK – your 11a actually works for women as well.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
11:07 am
@ Raqi
Watch for her cues. Just because a woman is polite does not mean she wants you to come hither. If her bodily language is open then approach. If it’s not, then stay away, she is probably just being polite.
That’s easier said than done. Most women rarely give obvious “come and get it” clues. In some of their minds, smiling and being polite are their cues to approach (this came from their mouths, not mine. lol).
On the other hand, I’ve started convo women who gave no outward signals of wanting to be approached, only to have them show immediate interest and give me the number.
After a while, it becomes a big guessing game based on figuring out signals which may or may not be there. As a result, some guys just start going after whoever they want whenever, regardless of the “clues.”
I agree a guy shouldn’t push the issue when it’s obvious she’s not interested.
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
11:09 am
I dont even ASK for their number because look how crazy guys look when you just meet a woman and you call and you leave a message and she does not respond
Mdot, how old are you? That’s just part of the dance.
From my past experience, when I gave a man my number I was somewhat interested at the time. Now things can change as the day goes on and I realized he was not that interesting after all.
And Fred is right. Me telling a guy I would prefer he give me his number was my way a letting him down nicely.
THE INFAMOUS DK
November 9th, 2009
11:10 am
I actually like a group of women cause you walk up and holla at all of them and who ever is doing the most talking then she gets it.. I like what likes me.. If the ugly friend is doing all the talking then I flip and win her over to get her to be my mouth piece to get in her cute friends ear.. Women are the biggest help in recruitment activities cause their girls will listen to them.
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 9th, 2009
11:13 am
@Raqi….Oh, oh, Oh, oh
LOL my age does not matter. The fact is, if I give her my number, and she is interested she will call. I was just saying I am above phone games. Not every woman plays that game but I figure just give her the number let her make the call and go from there.
Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh
November 9th, 2009
11:15 am
No Fred what I am saying is, just like SexyC and Tazzee said the smile and are polite to everyone, that’s not always the cue.
If you catch her eye with a smile and she smiles back however turns her back to you, from my experience I wasn’t flirting, just smiling back. If I smiled and then within a couple of seconds looked in your direction again, or even turned in your direction I was opening myself up to be approached. But that was just me. LOL
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
11:16 am
@ M dot
So in your case, if I call once and leave a message and she does not call back…DELETE.
I agree! No argument from me. At least then, I know I’ve done [what I think is] my part and can move on.
czBrat
November 9th, 2009
11:19 am
GM All!
I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike … unapproachable. I am naturally happy and at ease, but I will intentionally send those signals that tell a guy to keep his distance. For the most part, I’m just not interested in the come-ons and pick-up lines. Having said that, nothing impresses me more than confidence. A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.
Dan
November 9th, 2009
11:20 am
@DK
Right on! (11:10). The high right low left was 92 to my memory, with overall, Shai and hair dye. But the 90’s are fuzzy.
@MDot
You’re overthinking this. It’s not really about “cues” or any of this stuff. It’s about doing you, being you, and dealing with who deals with you.
Plenty of people are going to pass you by in life, and most should.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
11:21 am
@Raqi
If you catch her eye with a smile and she smiles back however turns her back to you, from my experience I wasn’t flirting, just smiling back.
You mean that’s not my clue to work harder, send more drinks, and win her over?! After all, doesn’t a “real man” go after what he wants? lmao. I gotcha and completely agree.
M. (pronounced M dot)
November 9th, 2009
11:28 am
@Dan
Agreed which is exactly why you shouldn’t be waiting by the phone for some woman to call you back. I see what you mean though.
Anotha Brotha
November 9th, 2009
11:29 am
I believe this to be a sensitive topic for AA women, especially. I don’t think men (or women of other backgrounds) place the same level of importance on “how we meet/don’t meet”. Even in observing Japanese and Arab women (who are probably the most conservative of all), it’s more important to just get something going with a compatible person rather than the rhetoric of meeting. And frankly, this aligns with folks actions. It’s pretty consistent, when out in a social setting, that Jennifer is simply SOCIABLE and carefree with her conversation…whether it be romantic or not- whether she initiates or not. This contrasts with AA women who are less concerned with the conversation, I’ve observed, and more concerned with the act of being chosen. I’m pretty certain that for many, being in a relationship is secondary to having their self-image validated through a man selecting them, and in a very literal thought out way. This, to me anyways, explains why many AA are generally deceptive about their intentions with men ( “I don’t approach men”/ snapping their heads away when a man walks into a room/arms-folded). It’s all to create the illusion of the “chosen-one” fantasy. Unfortunately, it runs men away. Yes, I know I’m brutal. But men need to be able to decipher low-self esteem women so that they don’t end up like Andre Rison/Russell Simmons/Usher, etc etc etc.
Anotha Brotha
November 9th, 2009
11:32 am
I would co-sign with M. Dot. How a man’s presence is received will determine a lot. If a woman has the strength to admit that she is hoping to have a man, then she’ll probably smile towards him, separate from the pack, open her posture, etc.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
11:32 am
Actually, AB – I see it as exactly opposite as you have described (which I’m sure comes as no surprise.)
As I became more confident and self aware, I stopped approaching men because I didn’t need validation from them. I no longer needed to be the “See me. Like me. Want me.” chick on an all out loud level.
Now, I just get it how I live. And I’m living good.
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
11:38 am
@AB
An astute observation (11:29).
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
11:42 am
A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.
Truth well put right there cz. There are lots of gems being dropped today from both sides.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
11:49 am
I’m pretty certain that for many, being in a relationship is secondary to having their self-image validated through a man selecting them, and in a very literal thought out way.
That would certainly work for a woman with a “high level of low self esteem”, but a confident woman doesn’t need to be validated by anyone else other than herself. The afore mentioned wreaks of desperation and as the addage goes…can’t you men sniff that out miles away?…and if so then why approach a woman like that?….is that the kind of woman you want and if so then what does that REALLY say about YOU….Just a question not an accusation. Men I’d like to hear your views on that por favor.
Leggs
November 9th, 2009
11:50 am
@cz, ok, clear this up for me. You intentionally send signals that you’re not interested, but if a confident guy ignores those signals, you’ll talk with him. So, is this a test just to see who will be put off and who won’t?
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
11:54 am
I guess it doesn’t occur to some folks that some women are not going out solely for the purposes of man-tracking/trapping.
Nine times out of ten, I am genuinely hungry or really did want an apple martini or really just came to hang out with my girls to unwind or because we are celebrating something or I really just wanted to dance. Maybe, I just wanted to get out of the house and really just like the vibe in this spot. Dammit.
Kinda on topic vent: I haven’t even been to my fave spot lately because the damn bartender is always trying to be in my grill, talking about taking me out. I really wanna say, “Just pour my drink and leave me dfck alone.”
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
11:55 am
Sassy – say that ish again. LOL!
Anotha Brotha
November 9th, 2009
11:57 am
@cz- Why would someone want to talk to you if you are intentionally sending bad vibes? And what is your thought process behind this? This is the psychology I am referring to in my earlier post: A woman trying to seem totally disinterested, but yet “he still approached me”. I’m running already.
@Sassy. I clearly stated that men (including myself) are running from women who exhibit low-self esteem-ridden tendencies.
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
11:59 am
@Sassy
But take your last 2 posts. In one, you seem to agree that the male must be aggressive in his pursuit, even in the face of opposition; thus validating his intentions. When in reality, this process is one designed for validation by/for the female. To be pursued aggressively, by the man (men) of her chosing validate’s her choices. An interesting logic, but that’s another discussion.
Yet in your second post, you posit that a man that approaches and courts a women receptive to his initial advances, is somehow approaching a ‘lesser’ being. This too makes no logical sense.
As the female that is open and receptive will, in turn, get more advances, she has a wider range of willing participants to choose from. Thus making her selection process diverse and potentially more selective.
The female of the former example is limited to the men she deems ‘worthy’ from a much smaller sample. Consequently, her lack of diversity in fact limits her choices.
So which female is really winning?
Q.E.D.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
12:02 pm
@cz Brat
I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike…
Yeah, you are. LOL
Seriously, this contradicts what many women preach, and I think it’s game playing to a certain extent. It makes it harder for women who really aren’t interested.
And I don’t call approaching/pushing up on a woman who acts uninterested confidence.
I once knew a single woman who wore a wedding ring. Her idea was a “real man” who was really interested would approach her anyway to find out the deal. I argued that a “real man” would see the ring, assume she was married/engaged, RESPECT THAT, and keep it moving. Needless to say, we weren’t friends very long. lol
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
12:05 pm
I clearly stated that men (including myself) are running from women who exhibit low-self esteem-ridden tendencies
If only that were true then you wouldn’t have had the Andre Rison/Russell Simmons/Usher, etc etc etc in the first place…men do PROWL/PREY on women like that when they want an easy mark….be it an easy mark b/c they themselves have a high level of low self esteem or some other form of usery they intend to unleash on the woman. As I’ve said…why the sneaky,sly modus operandi?
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
12:05 pm
Amended:
The receptive female is likely to feel that the selection of available men is not limited, consequently freeing her to effectively choose her man(men).
The closed female is likely to feel that the selection of available men is limited, without realizing that she has created the limits she bemoans.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
12:06 pm
Huh?
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
12:09 pm
Dan – that ish sounds like a research project, a science expirement, a bad Michael Baisden advice book and schizophrenic ramblings all in one.
Really, this ish is not that complicated.
Approach one you are interested in. If there is no connection, keep moving.
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
12:12 pm
@SC
I never said relationships werer complicated.
I was attempting to point out flawed logic.
Anotha Brotha
November 9th, 2009
12:13 pm
Well if a man is actively checking for a Tameka, Left Eye (RIP) or someone who’s acting like czBrat, then he has some type of psychological problem himself.
In Usher’s case- typical mama’s boy looking for a matriarchal-type who would dominate him. Just like his mother did.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
12:13 pm
Yet in your second post, you posit that a man that approaches and courts a women receptive to his initial advances, is somehow approaching a ‘lesser’ being. This too makes no logical sense.
What?…my second post was in reference to a woman needing to be “validated” by a man regardless of how he approached her and I stated that a confident women needs NO validation from a MAN but rather HERSELF. So what do you call a man or woman,for that matter, that NEEDS to ba validated by someone else?…if you know your the shyt then do you really need to be told/validated by someone else?…soes someone else’s opinion of you mean THAT much to you and if it does then once again I’ll pose the question?….What does that say about her and YOU should you decide to pursue?
This is indeed a circular discussion shaped by all of our experiences….with none being alike,obviously.
Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh
November 9th, 2009
12:14 pm
Dan I think I agree with your 11:59am. After a while it all seems like game playing.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
12:20 pm
Dan your 12:05 is probably all you should’ve said in the first place cause your first post was bananas…..seen?! As a matter of fact re-read this: that ish sounds like a research project, a science expirement, a bad Michael Baisden advice book and schizophrenic ramblings all in one.…per Sexy
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
12:22 pm
@Sassy
You’re making my point.
I don’t personally seek validation from anyone. I was referring to your agreement with Brat’s comment about really agressive pursuit in the face of opposition.
It says plenty about the both of them to my mind if: she’s putting up Olympic trials to gain her attention (speaks to her need for validation) and he is that agressive to pursue (likely his goal is simply ‘winning’).
But then that’s the point. It appears that you are applauding this sham, and I wanted to know.
@Raqi
It is, it so very is. But valuable to note, nonetheless.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
12:32 pm
It says plenty about the both of them to my mind if: she’s putting up Olympic trials to gain her attention (speaks to her need for validation) and he is that agressive to pursue (likely his goal is simply ‘winning’).
But then that’s the point. It appears that you are applauding this sham, and I wanted to know.
No Dan…not aggressivley pusuing but if I remember correctly the approach was “polite” there is a difference in the two…go back and re-read. True there are women who make men jump through hoops to “prove” he wants her bad enough and that could be b/c she may need validating or dude is soo aggressive that it doesn’t matter….circular discussion.
Each situation and the persons involved are different but I don’t applaud/endorse/support anything from the aggressiv point approach.
Truth
November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm
Did you teach your children to tell the truth? Nope, only when it’s convenient….
“Me telling a guy I would prefer he give me his number was my way a letting him down nicely.”
A real man can handle rejection……. Why some people think that it is ok to tell little lies?
czBrat
November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm
no, Leggs. not a test. just a message that i’m not looking to start something. i will give a brief smile in response to a smile but i try to keep it such that he knows i’m not asking him to come on over. if he does approach we may have a polite convo, but nothing that says “yeah, buddy, that’s just what i was waiting for!”
this contradicts what many women preach, and I think it’s game playing to a certain extent. Fred i’m actually avoiding the game. i’m not trying to flirt and then let you down when you approach. however, i’m not going to be rude to someone that steps up to say “hello”.
Willie Dynamite
November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm
Afternoon All,
decent topic I guess. Not really into making it a scientifical or logical course of action. I’ve been prolly on all sides of this one. Some days just felt like approaching whoever smiled and sent the good vibes out. Heyal some days I was looking to crack the code of the unapproachable. Sometimes I just liked being able to get a REAL smile outta chick, not the I smile at everyone smile but the almost blush smile. At that point seeing that I’m pretty decent at conversation I can decide to chat it up or keep it moving.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
November 9th, 2009
12:44 pm
@czBrat
i’m actually avoiding the game. i’m not trying to flirt and then let you down when you approach. however, i’m not going to be rude to someone that steps up to say “hello”.
I can respect that, but here’s where I got lost with your earlier comment:
A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.
Many guys will read that and think it’s OK to continue the pursuit despite being shown otherwise.
Hopeless Romantic Diva
November 9th, 2009
12:48 pm
SexyCool…you are on target today. I echo what you posted…particularly that I don’t HAVE TO have a guy approach me to be validated
Leggs
November 9th, 2009
12:50 pm
I get what you’re saying czB, just your last sentence appears to be a contradiction to the beginning of that post.
Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh
November 9th, 2009
12:53 pm
Nobody wants to be with anyone that makes you feel like they are doing you a favor in giving you conversation.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
12:55 pm
Hey Raq – How goes things?
Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh
November 9th, 2009
1:00 pm
SexyCool I am feeling like a Million Dollar Bill.
And I see you over there on an adjacent high yourself.
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
1:05 pm
And it is a beautiful thing. It should almost be a crime to be this happy. I am truly blessed beyond measure. And like Taz, my cup, too, runneth over.
Willie Dynamite
November 9th, 2009
1:11 pm
Wow, I’d get a headache tryn to figure out some of yall. Is it really that technical or complicated just to approach?
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
November 9th, 2009
1:13 pm
Wow, I’d get a headache tryn to figure out some of yall. Is it really that technical or complicated just to approach?
No, it’s not.
Cool Shadow
November 9th, 2009
1:14 pm
I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike … unapproachable. A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points. – czBrat
I once knew a single woman who wore a wedding ring. Her idea was a “real man” who was really interested would approach her anyway to find out the deal. I argued that a “real man” would see the ring, assume she was married/engaged, RESPECT THAT, and keep it moving. Needless to say, we weren’t friends very long. Lol – Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
That kind of thinking from the women in the above comments can be exasperating. Dan in his 12:22 comments regarding going through Olympic trials to meet a woman was dead on (I was actually thinking of a pentathlon based on some of the responses). Why must a man jump through hoops and run through a land mine field just to meet someone?
There are two things that I’ve suspected about a lot of women regarding this issue: That 1) they think their non-verbal cues of interest/disinterest are universally understood by all and 2) the confusion in approaching them is partly attributed to women wanting men to approach them that they only might be interested in.
czBrat
November 9th, 2009
1:15 pm
Leggs
November 9th, 2009
1:15 pm
@WillieD ~ hi. It shouldn’t be.
@SCool – glad to see your cloud rising. If you had to guess, what cloud number would you say your ND is on?
Dan - The Karl Malone of Love
November 9th, 2009
1:17 pm
@Sassy
Agreed. I was just trying to see where you fell in terms of the two lines of thought.
@WillieD
I remember those days. But I’m too old and too tired to be at it like that.
@SC
I’m happy for your, well, happiness (for lack of a better phrase)
SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++
November 9th, 2009
1:22 pm
Leggs – Fortunately, I don’t have to guess. He is very expressive about his feelings. We’re both over the moon.
Thanks, Dan.