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Top Ways to Get Approached

In any social setting, single people tend to sabotage themselves without even knowing it.  If you, in fact, want to be noticed and approached, you really need to find ways to signal that you are not going to reject someone who is interested.

While we may look fabulous in our outfits, a lot of women are oblivious about their body language. Crossed arms, eyes on their blackberries, or no smiles can pretty much guarantee you will not be approached!

So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!? Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so?

Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

221 comments Add your comment

Dan

November 9th, 2009
8:52 am

My pet peeve is the cell phone gazing.

It indicates that 1) you’re waiting on someone, or 2) you’re not present in the moment or your surroundings. Either way, I’m not bothering you.

I was out a couple of weeks ago and met a lovely young lady simply because, while engaged with her friends, she showed that she was still receptive to being approached. In speaking to her about it, it (still) shocks me just how much scoping you ladies do on the sly.

But yeah, WD, the boot, the crossed arms, and the general energy will ruin an otherwise good looking female.

Morning folks

QC

November 9th, 2009
9:07 am

Morning Bloggers! I really don’t have an approach i just be myself…but i do approach Men..i’ve even sent a drink over to someone who caught my attention as an “ice breaker”..which usually ends up exchanging of cell numbers & great friendships…Have a great day Bloggers! :)

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
9:33 am

I can’t remember the last time I approached a women simply because she “looked good.” If that was the case, I’d approach dozens of women everyday.

For me, it’s her general disposition that makes me want to push up on her. If I say “Hello, how are you” and she replies with a dry and short “fine,” I keep moving. I assume she doesn’t want to be bothered. However, from talking to many women, sometimes this is no indication of her mood. Huh? It just amazes me that so many women expect to be approached even when they are not friendly.

I never buy or send drinks as icebreakers. That’s backwards to me. If we’re talking and having good convo, then of course, but otherwise, probably not.

I don’t approach women in packs. The only thing worse than trying to interest a complete stranger is trying to interest a complete stranger while her three girlfriends [who are mad 'cause no one has approached them] stand around and size you up. Also, I feel like if they’re in her business like that from day one, it’s only gonna get worse as I continue to try to get to know her.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:37 am

Three Words Daily – Manage life effectively.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:38 am

1. Eye contact.
2. Smile.
3. Don’t be ugly.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
9:38 am

So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!?Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? It may sound corny or cliche but I’m out I’m just me.

Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so? Yes I have approached a man before and with me it’s something about him that compels me.

Hopeless Romantic Diva

November 9th, 2009
9:39 am

Smile when you walk through a room. Smile when you are watching the band. Smile when you are talking to the waiters/bar tenders.

I have friends who send guys a drink if they want to meet them. And it usually works.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
9:47 am

Morning folks…..that thing called “reciprocity” is what lets me know its safe to approach a young lady….what is reciprocity? That mutual showing of interest….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..

pompous? yeah, sorta.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
9:53 am

Where’s Rell?

Cause for all that “seduction” talk, this topic should be his time to go off.

@2C – The reciprocity is the fun of it.

@Fred G. – Buying the drinks to spark the convo is a lame move. If my “-ism” can’t hold your attention long enough for us to need a drink, then I’m leading with my wallet.

Hahaha @SC – that’s hilarious

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:55 am

I have approached men in the past, but would not do so now.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
9:56 am

And why is that Sexy? What’s wrong with letting a brother know you got your eye on him?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
9:57 am

….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..pompous? yeah, sorta.

Confidence speaks VOLUMES….

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:03 am

As to finding ways to stand out or get men’s attention, I don’t have any tricks for that. I don’t go out looking for attention or trying to attract it. I am blessed enough/fortunate enough (and sometimes, unfortunate enough) that it just comes naturally. Usually, I’m just out being myself.

For instance, I met MND while I was sitting at the bar at a restaurant having an apple martini and waiting on someone else to arrive. Our eyes met. We exchanged ‘hellos.’ And as far as I was concerned, that was it. A few minutes later, he complimented me; we began a conversation and I gave him my number. And the rest….well, you know.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:04 am

While there is no cookie cutter or textbook cures to dating potentials, I think the old saying stands true, Just be approachable.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Hey, my negro, Toucan – DISCLAIMER – I am not going to explain this very well at all.

1. I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached.

2. I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well.

3. I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.

4. Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.

(Like I said, not very well explained, but….it is what it is.)

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Even if a woman does go out with a group, which all should because it’s dangerous out there, if she make eye contact or exchange smiles with a gentleman, she should step away from the pack long enough to give the man a chance to approach.

I imagine it can be intimidating for a man to try to speak to a woman within a group of her friends and they stand there sizing him up.

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Good Morning!

What gets me approached usually is my smile and eye contact – the little glances over to the man of my interest while chatting it up with my friends. I’ve been told by guys that they loved what appeared to be my carefree disposition when out.

I would always get some conversation while sitting at the bar and a man has to come up behind me to order a drink. I would normally look up at him, smile and speak.

I smile and speak to everyone I establish eye contact with.

I do not approach men.

loving Melanie Fiona’s CD, been rocking since my late night work session Friday

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:11 am

SCool Just saw your cloud status. LOVE.IT!!!

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:13 am

Taz – I wish I could bottle this up and give it to everyone I love. But of course, you wouldn’t need any. You’ve already got your own.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:17 am

Not meaning or attempting to change the topic, but uh, Tazzee, thanks for the lead on the movie idea. It was awesome. A little gorier than what I like but still a good movie. Thanks.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
10:23 am

Sexy, while I can’t knock your theories for not approaching a guy, let’s examine those for a minute…..

1) ” I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached”…….How did you step to him? In what setting? Did you sashay over to him like how you do it (you know I love that sexy strut of yours)?

2) “I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well. “…..can’t debate on that one….

3)” I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.”……true, but who said “chasing”…you’re just letting him know you’re interested….

4)”Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.”….while that may be true, it ain’t necessarily the gospel; “a closed mouth don’t get fed!” You can let a man know you’re interested and not even approach him. The onus will be on him to make a move……

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:23 am

SCool – yeah, my cup runneth over ;-)

Raqi – you’re welcome. I turned my head plenty times during the movie. There were also a few times when I screamed and no one else in the theater did, LOL.

On approaching men – my reasons for not doing it are the same as those listed by SCool’s 10:10. Tried it in the past and it just did not work.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:24 am

@Taz/Raqi

I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?

Why not smell the rose amid the weeds? Why pluck it and ruin the scent?

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:25 am

Oh…and like Taz, I speak to or acknowledge with a nod every person that looks into my eyes. (and kinda get annoyed with the don’t speak back, but um yeah, that’s my peeve.)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 9th, 2009
10:25 am

Morning ya’ll!

Tazzee – i really want Melanie Fiona’s CD, so its worth it huh?

SCool – co signing your 10:10. I dont mind approaching a guy, but my luck with it on the long run has not been good

I dont do anything to appear approachable, but when I dont want to be bothered I try my hardest to convey that. For some reason, dudes think when I am out eating alone, in a secluded corner, with my nose in a book that I want to be approached. go figure!

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:26 am

Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

Interesting topic. We were on our way to the Falcons game yesterday and I met a very attractive girl in a redskins jersey. I just made some quick conversation but the key was that she was receptive to me. I think alot of Women are used to having a 10 foot brick wall built up around them and a guy just may not be in a mood for a gauntlet. They may just want cooperation from a female not a job interview of why she should converse with you.

I think women can be approached better by being more receptive. Smile and take that sassy, attitude, and annoyed look of your face. If you didn’t come to have a good time, you could have stayed at home!

How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

I don’t even go that route anymore. I just give out my number. The redskins girl was cool and I gave her my number. I give out my number because if a girl is interested, she will call. I don’t have time for phone games anymore. If she doesn’t not call means that maybe she is not interested, but look at the bright side, at least you found out now and did not have to waste your time, and you still have your dignity.

nathan

November 9th, 2009
10:27 am

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
10:31 am

@ Dan

I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?

To me, it’s the “grown up’ thing to do. As a guy, I don’t my friends over my shoulder when I approach a woman. Step back and go find something else to do while I talk to the lady of interest.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

Toucan

1. I have approached so many dudes in the past in so many ways that I couldn’t even begin to list them all. Seriously. I’m a flirt and most men respond to my flirtations.

3. Not a literal chase, but a figurative one.

4. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.

Really, I had just decided that I don’t care how attractive I thought a dude was or how much time he and I spent eyeing each other, if he didn’t walk up to me, it just wasn’t going to happen. Period. There are way too many dudes out there that will approach. There is no worry that I might let “The One” get away because I didn’t approach him. Because, if he didn’t approach me, he wasn’t who I was looking for anyway.

Perhaps, if I were in a position where I didn’t get the kind of attention I do, I would look at it differently.

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

Dan – I don’t understand your question? Are you saying a woman should make a man approach in the midst of the ‘pack’ instead of separating herself? I guess it depends on the woman. You’re right, my friends would ask questions regardless. Shoot, if I met a guy and they were no where around, they would ask the standard questions. As far as being out with my friends – if a guy approached, my friends would ignore us, or try their best to. But they would in no way make the guy feel uncomfortable. We don’t do things like that.

But yeah, when interested I would find an excuse to separate myself allowing the guy a chance to approach me one on one.

Mo – I really enjoy her CD. It’s fun. Some 60’s flair, a little island flair. I got it when it was $5.99 on iTunes. But it’s worth the $9.99 to me.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

@MDot – right on, bruh! (Though my motivations are dissimilar)

I do it because I believe in presenting options and accountability. I give her the number and if she calls there’s “reciprocity”, if she doesn’t it’s still her decision.

All that “chasing” and “hunting” is old, like ‘92 high-right-low-left old. We grown, act like an adult.

TexasBoy

November 9th, 2009
10:33 am

What would get my attention is a woman who is being silly and funny but not obnoxious. I love to see a woman laugh I think that’s sexy,

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:34 am

Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.

:lol: :lol:

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:35 am

@Fred G.

I’m talking about approaching a woman when she’s with her pack. Of course you step away from your folks (unless that wing man is needed).

@Taz

I wouldn’t expect adults to behave (making him uncomfortable) in such a fashion.

Cemeeli

November 9th, 2009
10:38 am

…morning…

Thanks for the wake-up mail Tazzee…don’t need a week like last.

…ok…approach?…nah much…i just chill…

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:38 am

@Blog Ladies

You ladies want to know what really messes it up for you before you even start?

Smart alec women. I dealt with this before. Women who kind of have a sacracstic disposition. Almost to where it comes of as insults.

Guys, do you know what I am talking about? You approach a woman and it almost comes off like she is bitter and taking it out on you and you JUST met her?

Lord Velonese

November 9th, 2009
10:41 am

Three Words Daily – You’re a Retard

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:41 am

Dan it’s not about whether or not the friends will ask questions about the guy later. In fact it will happen without fail.

But the thing is as mentioned by many men, you all feel that a woman in a group is approachable. And like I stated earlier, I can see how that would be intimidating to a guy…him walking up to a woman while she is standing amongst her friends. Not to mention her moving away from the group for a few minutes should be your cue to approach.

And you know if your approach is lame you will not get laughed at, very loudly, by five women at one time and draw attention to yourself if done while she is away from the pack. LOL

Yeah when she goes back there may be a giggle or two, but not a “POW, in your face” type of letdown.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:43 am

Mdot – I see your Smart Aleck Women and raise you three Know It All Men. (The frickin’ worst.)

I remember meeting a guy and him asking me what I do. When I mentioned my business interests, within in five minutes he was telling me that the way I do business is all wrong. Double-You Tee Eff?!?!?

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:45 am

Mdot usually the smart aleck sarcastic ones (as I have been before) are not interested anyway. So if you get that call it one for the team and move on.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:50 am

I know we are talking “approach” today, however the thing is every woman that leaves her house and ventures out into the great singles unknown and has a good pleasant demeanor is not looking to get approached or hit on.

Watch for her cues. Just because a woman is polite does not mean she wants you to come hither. If her bodily language is open then approach. If it’s not, then stay away, she is probably just being polite.

When guys insist that’s when the mean mugging or snide remarks come along.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
10:51 am

@M dot and Dan

I guess I’m a little different when it comes to making calls. I don’t like to give her my number and leave it in her hands. To me, it’s an insult when I step to a woman, chat, ask for her number, and she replies with “give me yours.” If she expects me to put myself out there and “take the lead,” she can’t dictate how I do that. I understand your points, though.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:57 am

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

LOL I totally agree with you. I know what you mean. The Ive been everywhere, seen everything, overly alpha male, you cant tell me nothing guy that looks like Ving Rhames with a cigar right? LOL

@Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

I see what you mean but I disagree because I dont even ASK for their number because look how crazy guys look when you just meet a woman and you call and you leave a message and she does not respond. She KNEW you called. It’s just that some women like to give their number out just to have guys sweating them and to give them an ego boost. So in your case, if I call once and leave a message and she does not call back…DELETE.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
10:57 am

Raqi – If a dude wants a chic and she’s with her crew.. He just needs to step to her in front of all of them, acknowledge them, be charming and get her.. You have to disarm the group first by talking to all of them so no one feels slighted.. All the while you got your eye on the one you want..

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
10:59 am

Raqi…..usually we can tell if y’all wanna be approached….again, may sound kinda cocky, but when you’ve been in the “business” for quite sometime, you know whom to approach….and then, sometimes even when you don’t want to be approached, but you’re receptive, you can still get snagged!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
11:00 am

In order for a dude to get noticed is to just own the place from the time you enter the spot.. You 10 ft tall as soon as you walk thru the door. Not a arrogant confidence but a dude in control.. I found it works best when you roll solo, women seem to pay attention to a dude rolling solo and still owns the spot..

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
11:02 am

Good mroning.

I see your Know It All Men and raise you five I’m not looking for a relationship but would like to get to know you better in the hopes of things changing. WHAT!!

Hope all had a great weekend and did something outdoors…it was absolutely GORGEOUS.

@SCool ~ if you should learn how to bottle it up, please mail me 2 bottles. Thank you!

Be yourself, have a smile on your face, and you can compliment a man even if he doesn’t compliment you back. Just enjoy being!

Dan

November 9th, 2009
11:03 am

@Fred G.

It’s a really fine line between “leading” and “listening” with women.

I tend to fall on the side that allows her to be an active and responsible participant in her happiness.

@DK

My thoughts exactly, you’re going to be judged either way, why not get it over with early?

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
11:05 am

Dan – That High right low left was bout 88 from where I was..

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
11:06 am

IDK – your 11a actually works for women as well.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
11:07 am

@ Raqi

Watch for her cues. Just because a woman is polite does not mean she wants you to come hither. If her bodily language is open then approach. If it’s not, then stay away, she is probably just being polite.

That’s easier said than done. Most women rarely give obvious “come and get it” clues. In some of their minds, smiling and being polite are their cues to approach (this came from their mouths, not mine. lol).

On the other hand, I’ve started convo women who gave no outward signals of wanting to be approached, only to have them show immediate interest and give me the number.

After a while, it becomes a big guessing game based on figuring out signals which may or may not be there. As a result, some guys just start going after whoever they want whenever, regardless of the “clues.”

I agree a guy shouldn’t push the issue when it’s obvious she’s not interested.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
11:09 am

I dont even ASK for their number because look how crazy guys look when you just meet a woman and you call and you leave a message and she does not respond

Mdot, how old are you? That’s just part of the dance.

From my past experience, when I gave a man my number I was somewhat interested at the time. Now things can change as the day goes on and I realized he was not that interesting after all.

And Fred is right. Me telling a guy I would prefer he give me his number was my way a letting him down nicely.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
11:10 am

I actually like a group of women cause you walk up and holla at all of them and who ever is doing the most talking then she gets it.. I like what likes me.. If the ugly friend is doing all the talking then I flip and win her over to get her to be my mouth piece to get in her cute friends ear.. Women are the biggest help in recruitment activities cause their girls will listen to them.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
11:13 am

@Raqi….Oh, oh, Oh, oh

LOL my age does not matter. The fact is, if I give her my number, and she is interested she will call. I was just saying I am above phone games. Not every woman plays that game but I figure just give her the number let her make the call and go from there.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
11:15 am

No Fred what I am saying is, just like SexyC and Tazzee said the smile and are polite to everyone, that’s not always the cue.

If you catch her eye with a smile and she smiles back however turns her back to you, from my experience I wasn’t flirting, just smiling back. If I smiled and then within a couple of seconds looked in your direction again, or even turned in your direction I was opening myself up to be approached. But that was just me. LOL

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
11:16 am

@ M dot

So in your case, if I call once and leave a message and she does not call back…DELETE.

I agree! No argument from me. At least then, I know I’ve done [what I think is] my part and can move on.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
11:19 am

GM All!

I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike … unapproachable. I am naturally happy and at ease, but I will intentionally send those signals that tell a guy to keep his distance. For the most part, I’m just not interested in the come-ons and pick-up lines. Having said that, nothing impresses me more than confidence. A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
11:20 am

@DK

Right on! (11:10). The high right low left was 92 to my memory, with overall, Shai and hair dye. But the 90’s are fuzzy.

@MDot

You’re overthinking this. It’s not really about “cues” or any of this stuff. It’s about doing you, being you, and dealing with who deals with you.

Plenty of people are going to pass you by in life, and most should.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
11:21 am

@Raqi

If you catch her eye with a smile and she smiles back however turns her back to you, from my experience I wasn’t flirting, just smiling back.

You mean that’s not my clue to work harder, send more drinks, and win her over?! After all, doesn’t a “real man” go after what he wants? lmao. I gotcha and completely agree.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
11:28 am

@Dan

Agreed which is exactly why you shouldn’t be waiting by the phone for some woman to call you back. I see what you mean though.

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
11:29 am

I believe this to be a sensitive topic for AA women, especially. I don’t think men (or women of other backgrounds) place the same level of importance on “how we meet/don’t meet”. Even in observing Japanese and Arab women (who are probably the most conservative of all), it’s more important to just get something going with a compatible person rather than the rhetoric of meeting. And frankly, this aligns with folks actions. It’s pretty consistent, when out in a social setting, that Jennifer is simply SOCIABLE and carefree with her conversation…whether it be romantic or not- whether she initiates or not. This contrasts with AA women who are less concerned with the conversation, I’ve observed, and more concerned with the act of being chosen. I’m pretty certain that for many, being in a relationship is secondary to having their self-image validated through a man selecting them, and in a very literal thought out way. This, to me anyways, explains why many AA are generally deceptive about their intentions with men ( “I don’t approach men”/ snapping their heads away when a man walks into a room/arms-folded). It’s all to create the illusion of the “chosen-one” fantasy. Unfortunately, it runs men away. Yes, I know I’m brutal. But men need to be able to decipher low-self esteem women so that they don’t end up like Andre Rison/Russell Simmons/Usher, etc etc etc.

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
11:32 am

I would co-sign with M. Dot. How a man’s presence is received will determine a lot. If a woman has the strength to admit that she is hoping to have a man, then she’ll probably smile towards him, separate from the pack, open her posture, etc.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
11:32 am

Actually, AB – I see it as exactly opposite as you have described (which I’m sure comes as no surprise.)

As I became more confident and self aware, I stopped approaching men because I didn’t need validation from them. I no longer needed to be the “See me. Like me. Want me.” chick on an all out loud level.

Now, I just get it how I live. And I’m living good.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
11:38 am

@AB

An astute observation (11:29).

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
11:42 am

A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.

Truth well put right there cz. There are lots of gems being dropped today from both sides.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
11:49 am

I’m pretty certain that for many, being in a relationship is secondary to having their self-image validated through a man selecting them, and in a very literal thought out way.

That would certainly work for a woman with a “high level of low self esteem”, but a confident woman doesn’t need to be validated by anyone else other than herself. The afore mentioned wreaks of desperation and as the addage goes…can’t you men sniff that out miles away?…and if so then why approach a woman like that?….is that the kind of woman you want and if so then what does that REALLY say about YOU….Just a question not an accusation. Men I’d like to hear your views on that por favor.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
11:50 am

@cz, ok, clear this up for me. You intentionally send signals that you’re not interested, but if a confident guy ignores those signals, you’ll talk with him. So, is this a test just to see who will be put off and who won’t?

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
11:54 am

I guess it doesn’t occur to some folks that some women are not going out solely for the purposes of man-tracking/trapping.

Nine times out of ten, I am genuinely hungry or really did want an apple martini or really just came to hang out with my girls to unwind or because we are celebrating something or I really just wanted to dance. Maybe, I just wanted to get out of the house and really just like the vibe in this spot. Dammit.

Kinda on topic vent: I haven’t even been to my fave spot lately because the damn bartender is always trying to be in my grill, talking about taking me out. I really wanna say, “Just pour my drink and leave me dfck alone.”

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
11:55 am

Sassy – say that ish again. LOL!

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
11:57 am

@cz- Why would someone want to talk to you if you are intentionally sending bad vibes? And what is your thought process behind this? This is the psychology I am referring to in my earlier post: A woman trying to seem totally disinterested, but yet “he still approached me”. I’m running already.

@Sassy. I clearly stated that men (including myself) are running from women who exhibit low-self esteem-ridden tendencies. ;)

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
11:59 am

@Sassy

But take your last 2 posts. In one, you seem to agree that the male must be aggressive in his pursuit, even in the face of opposition; thus validating his intentions. When in reality, this process is one designed for validation by/for the female. To be pursued aggressively, by the man (men) of her chosing validate’s her choices. An interesting logic, but that’s another discussion.

Yet in your second post, you posit that a man that approaches and courts a women receptive to his initial advances, is somehow approaching a ‘lesser’ being. This too makes no logical sense.

As the female that is open and receptive will, in turn, get more advances, she has a wider range of willing participants to choose from. Thus making her selection process diverse and potentially more selective.

The female of the former example is limited to the men she deems ‘worthy’ from a much smaller sample. Consequently, her lack of diversity in fact limits her choices.

So which female is really winning?

Q.E.D.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
12:02 pm

@cz Brat

I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike…

Yeah, you are. LOL

Seriously, this contradicts what many women preach, and I think it’s game playing to a certain extent. It makes it harder for women who really aren’t interested.

And I don’t call approaching/pushing up on a woman who acts uninterested confidence.

I once knew a single woman who wore a wedding ring. Her idea was a “real man” who was really interested would approach her anyway to find out the deal. I argued that a “real man” would see the ring, assume she was married/engaged, RESPECT THAT, and keep it moving. Needless to say, we weren’t friends very long. lol

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
12:05 pm

I clearly stated that men (including myself) are running from women who exhibit low-self esteem-ridden tendencies

If only that were true then you wouldn’t have had the Andre Rison/Russell Simmons/Usher, etc etc etc in the first place…men do PROWL/PREY on women like that when they want an easy mark….be it an easy mark b/c they themselves have a high level of low self esteem or some other form of usery they intend to unleash on the woman. As I’ve said…why the sneaky,sly modus operandi?

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
12:05 pm

Amended:

The receptive female is likely to feel that the selection of available men is not limited, consequently freeing her to effectively choose her man(men).

The closed female is likely to feel that the selection of available men is limited, without realizing that she has created the limits she bemoans.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
12:06 pm

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
12:09 pm

Dan – that ish sounds like a research project, a science expirement, a bad Michael Baisden advice book and schizophrenic ramblings all in one.

Really, this ish is not that complicated.

Approach one you are interested in. If there is no connection, keep moving.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
12:12 pm

@SC

I never said relationships werer complicated.

I was attempting to point out flawed logic.

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
12:13 pm

Well if a man is actively checking for a Tameka, Left Eye (RIP) or someone who’s acting like czBrat, then he has some type of psychological problem himself.

In Usher’s case- typical mama’s boy looking for a matriarchal-type who would dominate him. Just like his mother did.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
12:13 pm

Yet in your second post, you posit that a man that approaches and courts a women receptive to his initial advances, is somehow approaching a ‘lesser’ being. This too makes no logical sense.

What?…my second post was in reference to a woman needing to be “validated” by a man regardless of how he approached her and I stated that a confident women needs NO validation from a MAN but rather HERSELF. So what do you call a man or woman,for that matter, that NEEDS to ba validated by someone else?…if you know your the shyt then do you really need to be told/validated by someone else?…soes someone else’s opinion of you mean THAT much to you and if it does then once again I’ll pose the question?….What does that say about her and YOU should you decide to pursue?

This is indeed a circular discussion shaped by all of our experiences….with none being alike,obviously.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
12:14 pm

Dan I think I agree with your 11:59am. After a while it all seems like game playing.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
12:20 pm

Dan your 12:05 is probably all you should’ve said in the first place cause your first post was bananas…..seen?! As a matter of fact re-read this: that ish sounds like a research project, a science expirement, a bad Michael Baisden advice book and schizophrenic ramblings all in one.…per Sexy

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
12:22 pm

@Sassy

You’re making my point.

I don’t personally seek validation from anyone. I was referring to your agreement with Brat’s comment about really agressive pursuit in the face of opposition.

It says plenty about the both of them to my mind if: she’s putting up Olympic trials to gain her attention (speaks to her need for validation) and he is that agressive to pursue (likely his goal is simply ‘winning’).

But then that’s the point. It appears that you are applauding this sham, and I wanted to know.

@Raqi

It is, it so very is. But valuable to note, nonetheless.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
12:32 pm

It says plenty about the both of them to my mind if: she’s putting up Olympic trials to gain her attention (speaks to her need for validation) and he is that agressive to pursue (likely his goal is simply ‘winning’).

But then that’s the point. It appears that you are applauding this sham, and I wanted to know.

No Dan…not aggressivley pusuing but if I remember correctly the approach was “polite” there is a difference in the two…go back and re-read. True there are women who make men jump through hoops to “prove” he wants her bad enough and that could be b/c she may need validating or dude is soo aggressive that it doesn’t matter….circular discussion.

Each situation and the persons involved are different but I don’t applaud/endorse/support anything from the aggressiv point approach.

Truth

November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm

Did you teach your children to tell the truth? Nope, only when it’s convenient….

“Me telling a guy I would prefer he give me his number was my way a letting him down nicely.”

A real man can handle rejection……. Why some people think that it is ok to tell little lies?

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm

no, Leggs. not a test. just a message that i’m not looking to start something. i will give a brief smile in response to a smile but i try to keep it such that he knows i’m not asking him to come on over. if he does approach we may have a polite convo, but nothing that says “yeah, buddy, that’s just what i was waiting for!”

this contradicts what many women preach, and I think it’s game playing to a certain extent. Fred i’m actually avoiding the game. i’m not trying to flirt and then let you down when you approach. however, i’m not going to be rude to someone that steps up to say “hello”.

Willie Dynamite

November 9th, 2009
12:34 pm

Afternoon All,

decent topic I guess. Not really into making it a scientifical or logical course of action. I’ve been prolly on all sides of this one. Some days just felt like approaching whoever smiled and sent the good vibes out. Heyal some days I was looking to crack the code of the unapproachable. Sometimes I just liked being able to get a REAL smile outta chick, not the I smile at everyone smile but the almost blush smile. At that point seeing that I’m pretty decent at conversation I can decide to chat it up or keep it moving.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
12:44 pm

@czBrat

i’m actually avoiding the game. i’m not trying to flirt and then let you down when you approach. however, i’m not going to be rude to someone that steps up to say “hello”.

I can respect that, but here’s where I got lost with your earlier comment:

A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points.

Many guys will read that and think it’s OK to continue the pursuit despite being shown otherwise.

Hopeless Romantic Diva

November 9th, 2009
12:48 pm

SexyCool…you are on target today. I echo what you posted…particularly that I don’t HAVE TO have a guy approach me to be validated

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
12:50 pm

I get what you’re saying czB, just your last sentence appears to be a contradiction to the beginning of that post.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
12:53 pm

Nobody wants to be with anyone that makes you feel like they are doing you a favor in giving you conversation.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
12:55 pm

Hey Raq – How goes things?

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
1:00 pm

SexyCool I am feeling like a Million Dollar Bill.

And I see you over there on an adjacent high yourself.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:05 pm

And it is a beautiful thing. It should almost be a crime to be this happy. I am truly blessed beyond measure. And like Taz, my cup, too, runneth over.

Willie Dynamite

November 9th, 2009
1:11 pm

Wow, I’d get a headache tryn to figure out some of yall. Is it really that technical or complicated just to approach?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
1:13 pm

Wow, I’d get a headache tryn to figure out some of yall. Is it really that technical or complicated just to approach?

No, it’s not.

Cool Shadow

November 9th, 2009
1:14 pm

I imagine I am what most men on this blog dislike … unapproachable. A man who is not discouraged by my disposition and politely proceeds to introduce himself is already scoring points. – czBrat

I once knew a single woman who wore a wedding ring. Her idea was a “real man” who was really interested would approach her anyway to find out the deal. I argued that a “real man” would see the ring, assume she was married/engaged, RESPECT THAT, and keep it moving. Needless to say, we weren’t friends very long. Lol – Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

That kind of thinking from the women in the above comments can be exasperating. Dan in his 12:22 comments regarding going through Olympic trials to meet a woman was dead on (I was actually thinking of a pentathlon based on some of the responses). Why must a man jump through hoops and run through a land mine field just to meet someone?

There are two things that I’ve suspected about a lot of women regarding this issue: That 1) they think their non-verbal cues of interest/disinterest are universally understood by all and 2) the confusion in approaching them is partly attributed to women wanting men to approach them that they only might be interested in.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
1:15 pm

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
1:15 pm

@WillieD ~ hi. It shouldn’t be.

@SCool – glad to see your cloud rising. If you had to guess, what cloud number would you say your ND is on?

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
1:17 pm

@Sassy

Agreed. I was just trying to see where you fell in terms of the two lines of thought.

@WillieD

I remember those days. But I’m too old and too tired to be at it like that.

@SC

I’m happy for your, well, happiness (for lack of a better phrase)

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:22 pm

Leggs – Fortunately, I don’t have to guess. He is very expressive about his feelings. We’re both over the moon.

Thanks, Dan.

Willie Dynamite

November 9th, 2009
1:23 pm

Hey Leggs, how ya doing today?

Dan – Me too, glad to be out the game.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
1:26 pm

Excellent. Nice you don’t have to guess!

Hi, Dan. You’re definitely sounding old, especially channeling Karl Malone!

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
1:27 pm

the confusion in approaching them is partly attributed to women wanting men to approach them that they only might be interested in.

That is true CoolShadow, and I myself have been guilty in times past. It’s like when a woman plays hard to get when she really wants to be gotten. But the problem is when men are told by women that a woman playing hard to get just wants you be work harder and be a little more aggressive. (Which I must say is some of the dumbest information we woman have been known to publish.) The men hear this and may tent to act accordingly. But guess what, all men hear this and may tend to act according. Even that slightly unattractive guy wearing yesteryears baby blue polyester suit and making color shoes. He approaches gets the mean mug yet assumes that’s his signal to try harder. And that he does. The woman becomes annoyed because he will not let up however is doing what he has seen work with some and been told by many that it will work. The problem it’s the game gone wrong. Some women play the game yet only wanting certain challengers to play back.

Sorta like hide-n-go-get when we were kids. You played but you really only wanted that certain boy to catch you. However he was not the only boy playing.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
1:27 pm

Dan that’s what’s up. I understood your POV and am glad you understood mine…

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
1:30 pm

@Raqi

THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for confirming that information. May I copy and share that comment (@1:27pm)? somebody owe Dan $20!!

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
1:30 pm

tend, matching,

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
1:31 pm

Cool Shadow, like Sassy said, it’s really not that difficult. Just approach the women who are clearly sending the ‘come hither’ signals. Others are either genuinely not interested (in which case, leave ‘em alone), or … as Raqi said … playing hard to get (in which case, leave ‘em alone).

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
1:33 pm

Thank u Willie Dynamite.

Meeting and talking to people shouldn’t be rocket science.

In my single days, it really didn’t matter if there was a pack or not. If there was someone that I wanted to speak to, I walked over and talked. If she was with her friends, I just used manners and spoke to everyone. It was just the polite thing to do. I always had confidence. I was brushing rejection off my shoulder wayyyyy before Shawn Carter came along and made a song popular about it.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
1:35 pm

@Raqi (and any one else who’d like to answer)

Then why not approach the men you want?

In the post, WD asks about getting approached. And for me, it’s flattering, but it’s also affirming. Not of myself, but her.

I’m all about a woman capable and willing to “get it in” in any situation, including with her man. I don’t consider it agressive and assertive. Be a woman, speak yo mind.

Yet, culturally Sisters don’t really do this (unlady like), may I ask why?

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:37 pm

My grandma used to say that common sense ain’t all that common.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
1:38 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

Oh yeah I meant to mention this earlier in regards to your Know it all guys…I dont know what it is but on Friday me and some of my Chicago friends made a quick stop at JR Crickets on Camp Creek to have some drinks before we went out…So behind me were 2 really attractive girls at a table and then this older kinda Know it all guy was talking to them….they were playing him to the left so he leaves and I proceed to start talking to the girl, introduce my friend, and everything was cool. Then I give the girl my number (she was from Chicago also) and out of nowhere comes GRANDPA again with a half full pitcher of margarita’s like “Yall need to be drinking this!” and tries to pour his margarita in their glasses…The girl proceeds to check him (rightfully so) who does that? Young guys either buy a drink or not. They dont walk up trying to donate drinks out of the same pitcher they were drinking out of disgusting…..

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:39 pm

Dan – To your question, I point back to my 1010a response and add to it, I get approached enough that I don’t have to approach anyone.

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
1:41 pm

SexyCool

In law school, we say “common sense isn’t common, but we aren’t complaining because it is profitable.”

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:42 pm

Mdot – LMAO!

The Tavern is one of MY spots. And if you ever see me sitting at the bar alone, drinking an apple martini with a sugar rim, it’s because they make perfect apple martinis there.

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
1:46 pm

Katt Williams in the Coweta County Jail charged with burglary. Go figure.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
1:47 pm

@Blog Women:

What do you think/how do you react when a younger guy approaches you? Do you give him a fair chance or do you hold their age against them?

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
1:48 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

That’s cool…There is a bartender there and I taught her how to make one of our specialty drinks and she and her buddies were tipsy from it and she remembered me lol

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:48 pm

Mdot – Depends on how much younger and what sort of approach and his maturity level.

MND is five years younger than me. It causes me no issues.

Willie Dynamite

November 9th, 2009
1:49 pm

Mdot – That was definitely foul by the ol playa. But dont get it twisted alot of young guys dont have a clue either. See it all the time and for the most part its just funny.

abc

November 9th, 2009
1:50 pm

Make eye contact and exchange a smile. If no eye contact, or no smile, then forget about it. Pretty simple, really!

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
1:53 pm

Then why not approach the men you want? if i’m genuinely interested i have nooooo problem initiating conversation. however, you won’t catch me blatantly coming onto a guy or offering up my phone number.

What do you think/how do you react when a younger guy approaches you? Do you give him a fair chance or do you hold their age against them? my reaction is the same regardless of age. i’m polite. i don’t turn on the feminine wiles in an attempt to mess with the younguns’ head (or boost my ego).

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
1:53 pm

Willie Dynamite

But dont get it twisted alot of young guys dont have a clue either.

That is correct. Age does not necessarily mean mature.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
1:54 pm

Yet, culturally Sisters don’t really do this (unlady like), may I ask why

Dan because many of us were taught not to. We were taught nice young ladies do not pursue men. Good girls don’t call on boys. Make a man work for it.

Making a man work for it is not the same as playing hard to get. Playing hard is just that, playing.

They weren’t wrong in what they taught us. Because most men do not respect women that chase them because most young boys when growing were told girls that did those things were not good girls to deal with.

While things have changed somewhat, the truth is really not that far removed from what we were taught back then. Taking it from back then, A woman is to show the interest and the man is to pursue.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
1:57 pm

@Brat

Few walk up and hand someone their phone number, flash a smile and leave (or rather, few can).

It’s all about a conversation of shared interests and desires. Soooo, ion really get your post – but thank you for answering.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
1:58 pm

Like Raqi, nobody likes them fast tailed gals – at least not for the long haul. They are not the kind that ya’ take home to momma. ~lol~

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
2:00 pm

@Raqi/SC

Thanks for answering.

But I disagree on the “fast tail girls” issue. I call it confidence (to a point).

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:00 pm

What blog fam! The ladies tend to smile and stare at me more when I have my hand puppet.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:01 pm

Like Raqi SAID…

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:03 pm

Yeah I saw you call me fast tailed, SexyCool.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:05 pm

Raqi: “Making a man work for it is not the same as playing hard to get.” = Playing Games which every woman on here profess to hating more than sour cream left sitting out for 6 days.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
2:06 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

MND means what? So if he approaches correct, has his act in tact, than he gets a fair shot? That’s good. We went to Taboo 2 for a friends birthday party once, and the older women were like you too young to be up in here lol…

@Willie Dynamite

I agree WD. The problem with the young culture is that we celebrate trickin. That’s not the business…

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:06 pm

While the features of the houses may have changed over the years, the foundation still stands the same.

I understand we are living in a different day, some things are still the same. I know. I am married to A MAN. There are certain things men will not let go of and with some of those things I am glad.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:07 pm

Mdot: “The problem with the young culture is that we celebrate trickin.” – So true and it’s celebrated by both sexes.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
2:08 pm

How foolish of him to walk up with half a pitcher. He could have laced with something. Surely he didn’t expect the women to actually accept a drink.

@M.(dot) ~ actually, I’m flattered. Always have been. In the beginning, I tended to hold a young man’s age against him, but numbers don’t necessarily indicate one’s level of maturity. There are some very mature young men out there and some rather foolish older ones!

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:12 pm

Mdot MND – My New Dude – except he ain’t that new anymore. LOL.

And as to them old chicks…well, that goes back to the Smart Aleck-ness that you talked about earlier. That – and a bit of inner issue combined with a tad bit of aversion to the cougar label. LOL!

Hey, KIMMIE!!!

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:15 pm

ForReal, making a man work for it merely means a woman should not be so accommodating on certain things. A woman should not settle for a man not taking her out but just coming by the house laying up on her couch, eating out of her cupboard day after day. A man should know how to plan a date. A man that pursues a woman should have plan. A man should know where he wants to go in life before he brings someone else in to ride with him.

In the days we are living in so many women make it too easy for men. We are making them lazy.

Willie Dynamite

November 9th, 2009
2:16 pm

Mdot – 4Real – “The problem with the young culture is that we celebrate trickin.” – So true and it’s celebrated by both sexes.

Thats is really the Sad part of the game right now. Dont make no dayum sense if you ask me.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
2:24 pm

MAKES NO DAMN SENSE WHATSOEVER! To think people laugh at c……!

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
2:26 pm

@WD/For Real/MDot

Let’s not act like this sprang up from nowhere.

It’s an up and coming aspect of isht that’s been going on – like Drake and dudes wearing skinny jeans.

The ‘young’ folk don’t create nothing, they pick up and hyper inflate stuff they grew up seeing.

Cool Shadow

November 9th, 2009
2:26 pm

czBrat- I agree w/ your 1:31 assessment of simplicity in the approach but it never seems to play out that way…

Raqi- Thanks for confirming my suspicions. Maybe things would be easier in social settings if women would hold up green cards for a welcomed approach vs. a red card for an unwelcome approach, kind of like when you’re at a churrascaria. lol

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:31 pm

ForReal, making a man work for it merely means a woman should not be so accommodating on certain things. A woman should not settle for a man not taking her out but just coming by the house laying up on her couch, eating out of her cupboard day after day. A man should know how to plan a date. A man that pursues a woman should have plan. A man should know where he wants to go in life before he brings someone else in to ride with him. In the days we are living in so many women make it too easy for men. We are making them lazy

Say it girl…the old adage that a man will do only what you allow, is not exclusive to the tattered, abused, misused and cheated on…we can spin it in any direction that will allow half stepping. That’s not to say all men are worthless or useless, because I don’t believe that. However, for those men that don’t feel the need for “efforts” then no if they ain’t gotta the won’ta….and yes, if you’re too accomodating in getting minimum fed, then so be it

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
2:32 pm

:lol: @ Cool. great idea! next time i’m @ fogo i’ll just ‘borrow’ one of those cards :)

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:33 pm

Sorry…not man bashing, just agreeing

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:33 pm

Raqi: Do you give the same advice to your sons?

1. making a (wo)man work for it merely means a man should not be so accommodating on certain things.

2. A man should not settle for a woman that will not cook but just want to eat out of his wallet day after day.

3. A woman should know how to plan and pay for a date.

4. A woman that wants a man should have plan.

5. A woman should know where she wants to go in life before she brings someone else in to drive for her.

Or are only “fast ass girls” taught reciprocity?

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:35 pm

Ms. Main…or if someone undesirable walks up to you, you can just yell out “RED LIGHT!”

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
2:36 pm

Wow, ForReal just wow…..

well put my friend.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:36 pm

Ms. Main: What does “being too accomodating” mean and does it mean the samething for men?

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:37 pm

Yes, ForReal, I do teach my son what he is supposed to do as a man and what not to allow a woman to do to him.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
2:40 pm

Raqi: “Yes, ForReal, I do teach my son what he is supposed to do as a man” – How do you know what a man suppose to do? Shouldn’t that come from Mase? I mean Mase didn’t/don’t treat all the women in his life the way he treats you. So, if you tell your sons to treat women the way Mase treat you then you are setting them of for failure and heartach.

abc

November 9th, 2009
2:41 pm

For Real and Raqi, if a man or woman gets slack simply because one allows them to, I think that speaks louder than anything about the character of that person, and merits consideration of whether one can overlook such a lack of character and invest of themselves in that other person. It’d be a case-by-case judgment call. I don’t think it’s a matter of training through playing hard-to-get or other games, that will only confirm what you already think of them.

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:42 pm

SexyCool….LOL

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
2:43 pm

@For Real

You are really right because some females in Atlanta don’t even know how to correspond with a regular dude who is not trickin…I saw tricks all weekend…Dudes friday at Strip trickin off $150 sushi dinners on the first date….pathetic…

@Leggs & SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

So you guys are dealing with younger guys? My biggest fear about dealing with Older women is that they never really will respect you 100% and that they can always use your age against you in some way. How do you guys prevent this from turning into a mother/child relationship?

@Dan – The Karl Malone of Love

I agreee with you Dan. I am a young guy also. They learned it from somewhere. I think they learned it by thinking they should put and keep women on a pedastal so what’s the way to keep them on a pedastal.? Shower them with material things. They also may be insecure like she will leave me if I dont switch up this lifestyle. My friend in Chicago is smart. He has his real nice car and his regular car. A new chick will never see his real car until later..lol he likes to see how long they will stick around and just to fil them out.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:45 pm

I love happy sht.
Don’t mind me.

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:49 pm

For Real, IMO, too accomodating means not allowing a man to be a man…or woman for that matter. Yes, we’ve talked about this before. To be not too accomodating…IMO means having standards, setting the bar, realistically but setting it none the less. Not willing to tolerate half-azzedness in simpler terms. Yes, if a man is dealing with half-azzedness from a woman and he tolerates, he’s enabling the same toxic behavior.

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:51 pm

Carry on…I just popped in for a sec and liked Raqi’s comment…toodles

abc

November 9th, 2009
2:52 pm

M., ALL women will start treating you as if you’re a child, sooner or later, if you allow it. The only thing it hinges on is if you allow it or not. Where’s Truth? He regularly testifies about that.

If you’re a cougar’s object, you can believe that an object is about the extent of what you’re ever going to be, and getting treated like a child will certainly enter into it. Hey, long as you get what you want too, I suppose many folks would be fine with it — but you ain’t nothin but an old lady’s trick in that scene. You know that already.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:52 pm

Mdot – MND is a man who is proving himself worthy of submitting to and following. The year of his birth has nothing whatsoever to do with that. I would be a fool to not respect him because he happens to not be born before me.

Too many times, we make decisions about our situations and relationships based on superficial sht and end up with a whole lot of unhappiness and discontent.

I am learning consistenly to make decisions based in what’s real and what’s best for me over the long haul as opposed to short term fixes.

And trust me when I say, I know some old ass idiots who I would let a dog pss on.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:53 pm

abc I agree that allowing a person to be slack speaks volumes about you.

But I tell you in all my days I have never seen as it is now. Men standing back talking about ‘I ain’t gon do ’cause she ain’t doing’. In a world where it’s the man’s place to pursue and do the initial asking, it should be expected for that man to have something in mind for the union that may transpire.

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
2:54 pm

$150 for first date? That isn’t fiscally responsible.

Most of my first dates were either lunch or brunch.

Two advantages: (1) breakfast and Lunch is usually cheaper.
(2) plus we both could see each other in the daylight and know that neither of us were vampires.

Seriously, though, brunch and lunch is usually less crowded and more conducive for conversation than dinner.

Cool Shadow

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

czBrat@2:32 – that’s cool, good luck with that ‘borrowing’. Just remember, the dude that ignores the red card may be persistent– or simply color blind. lol

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

Oh…and to the specific mother/child relationship….I ain’t got no damn kids and I ain’t trying to be my man’s momma.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

@M. ~ presently, I’m not dealing with anyone. I was dismissing the younger guys when they started approaching me awhile ago, but have since changed my mind due to the fact that men my age and older tend to be boring.

How do you guys prevent this from turning into a mother/child relationship? I could only laugh at this. Never really thought of “mother/child” dynamic, but more of the mental sparring. I need you to spar with me on many levels. I can’t sit back and talk about Rhi Rhi/Chris Brown, Drake, etc. I need a person who isn’t myopic in their vision of life. Although I like to be silly, I have a very serious side and I just can’t be silly 24/7. Also, because I’m older I don’t need someone saying “awwww, you’re just old,” when in fact I’m human and I do get tired like the rest of the human race. No matter how you look at it, pretty sure the cliches will start to appear:

1. Your too old and stuck in your ways
2. Gosh, you’re wrinkling at an alarming rate. (lol)
3. Why you always wear your cap backwards?
4. No, I don’t want go to the Velvet Room
5. Why you have the window up in the winter (hot flashes)…just to name a few.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:58 pm

…is a man who is proving himself worthy of submitting to and following.

Exactly, SexyCool, exactly. There are too many men taking on the part of little boys yet wanting to be looked to and respected as men.

Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:59 pm

Disclaimer – I’m not as old as Leggs. No hot flashes here. ~lol~

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:00 pm

@Mdot

Cuzzo, your friend is playing a game too (and he worse than a chick becuase he should know better).

It’s not about playing games or seeing “if this, then that”.

I have a certain manner with which I carry myself in life, now a chick can get with that or get going with no hard feelings. That said, I like and respect a woman with the same way of being (this is me, deal or don’t). That way it’s much more above board and all no 4th quarter heriocs are necessary.

Part of the reason for the Karl Malone, actually: Hall of Fame career statistics, played the last part of his career for the ring.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:01 pm

@abc

That’s interesting. So the best thing for a guy to do would be to not put all their eggs in this woman’s basket and to just enjoy the ride in the mean time?

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:06 pm

Mdot: $150 that because that’s what men are suppose to do but you better not have the same expectation. Oh and like abc said if you let a woman no matter her age not respect you then it’s on you.

Scool: “I love happy sht” = successfull BM

Ms.Main: Not sure how someone can “not allow” one to be a man or a woman but we can talk about it tonight. Oh and do you still want me to bring the fruit roll ups?

abc: I agree 100% but I’m sure you will still get this response: “It’s okay for a woman to have standards but it’s not okay for a man to have standards. ie. woman should have expectations of men but men shouldn’t have expectations of women.” or something similar.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:09 pm

@For Real

A $150 on a first date? Really?
You signing off on that mess?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
3:09 pm

What do you think/how do you react when a younger guy approaches you? Do you give him a fair chance or do you hold their age against them?

Interesting question M.dot. This has been the history of my dating life…for as long as I can remember I’ve been approached by younger men and no I don’t hold their age against them until they start acting like it. Some of the younger guys(~6-7 yrs younger than I) are indeed mature for their age and know how to articulate on subjects from politics or other world issues to some down right hood ish, and I like that. I tend to stay in the ~30ish(28,29) range and above cause I don’t date chirren. Now that I think about it my last S.O. was 7 years my junior and I had a “boy toy” 12 yrs. my junior….but he was just for rainy night fun.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:12 pm

:lol: Don’t worry, they’re coming.

“Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.” (Shaking of tamborines)! Amen!

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:14 pm

Dan: Look on the other side of that conjunction and remember:
Conjunction, conjunction what’s your function…

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:16 pm

@ For Real, of course men should have standards. i want to know that the man i’m dealing with has HIGH standards, in fact. he has to be deserving (and know it), especially if he’s up to meeting my standards. similar to what Dan said, you vibe with the one that is of like mind.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
3:17 pm

“Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.” (Shaking of tamborines)! Amen!

As SASSAFRASS puts a 20 in the collection plate……

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:18 pm

@Brat

‘deserving’ of what excatly?

abc

November 9th, 2009
3:19 pm

M., I can’t really offer up anything meaningful in that regard… when I was in my 20’s, there was nearly no such thing as men my age having interest in women that were 20 years older. It wasn’t only a lack of physical attraction, it was predominantly a matter of having absolutely nothing in common with them. Now that my own age is on the other end of that spectrum, I can’t imagine playing around with chicks 20 years younger, on the same account. Man, it would be embarrassing to be out looking like some young chick’s sugar daddy! Not happening.

So, enjoy the ride? I’m at a bit of a loss as to what’d be to really enjoy for you, but if older chicks are a big attraction, there are surely plenty that are out there looking for you.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
3:19 pm

Men and women both should have standards and expectations. That’s all part of the choosing process. Know what you want and go for it. Don’t accept less.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:23 pm

Brat: I hear what you are saying but one of my pet peeves is the word “DESERVE”. I mean you only eat what you catch and that goes for both sexes.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:24 pm

@Dan – The Karl Malone of Love

LOL that’s what I am wondering…$150?

@Leggs

I see what you mean. It can always go both ways. Women my age may come off as immature at times also so I guess it’s a matter of preference.

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++
@Leggs
@abc

So when you were dating these younger guys, did you ever TEST them?

@ For real

I definately agree with the respect thing. I think you will have to keep your eyes open for that because though they are older than you, they will try you one way or another on purpose or not. You definatley should not let anyone disrespect you especially the person you are dating…black/white/candystripe….dont stand for that.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:26 pm

Just had a flashback of Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child.

“I-I-I-I-want the kniiifffeee…….pleeeeease!!!”

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:28 pm

abc: I agree, it’s like he looking for a teacher. Kinda like those old karate movies and I’m talking about the ones where sound doesn’t match the movement of their mouth.

Cougar: Hey dare young fellow

Mdot: (mouth moving no words)

Cougar: Oh lawd eyes don lost my hearing!!!

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:29 pm

I have stated several times in this forum, I see no need to ‘test’ a partner. Life throws you enough bllsht and tests you enough without me forcing you to prove a point to soothe my ego, alleviate my doubts or prove my point.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:30 pm

@M. first you have to take abc out of your question (he’s a guy).

No, I’d like to be myself and let him be himself. If things fall apart it would happen because in the long run we aren’t meant to be together and not because of a test he failed (that may or may not be outdated). What tests do you guys use these days anyway. Whose honest enough to give me a good 5?

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
3:30 pm

Hmmm interesting thoughts. I think the best thing for men to do is NOT approach women who are anything but cooperative. A woman who’s acting deceptive (or stank) should get ZERO attention. Unfortunately, there are thirsty men everywhere that will still try to talk to one.

Here’s another observation for you, Dan: I’m seeing that if a man is really hitting his stride and achieving success, he will not need to worry about “approaches” and if a woman is giving him the “green light”. Healthy, sane women will be in his face, actively looking for him to choose them. (I know the ladies hate that). Then his responsibility will be to screen properly.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:39 pm

@AB

Therein your point revolves around “success”.

“A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health.”

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:40 pm

@abc

My bad

@Leggs

I am with you and I know they test. I wonder who is going to keep it 100% right now.

I know in regards to the calling and phone games earlier, like I said, you MUST keep your dignity. You cant come across like you are sitting by the phone waiting for her to call or calling her. Either way, you dont want to come across desperate or as we say in Chicago….thirsty…

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
3:43 pm

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:43 pm

Or even a good 3. 5 may be all the game one has!

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:46 pm

Dan (and For Real) deserving of the things you wish to welcome into your life. i believe every decent human being should put for as much effort at being what they want in return. don’t just sit back and expect to receive for the sake of receiving. don’t think you don’t need an education but you want to be with someone educated; don’t think you don’t need a job but you want to be with someone who is responsibly employed; don’t think you don’t need faith but you want to be with a believer. that’s where having standards plays a big part in what you accept into your life.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:48 pm

I don’t test for, but I look for and expect…
Consistency
Honesty
Support
Faithfulness
Love

and not necessarily in that order.

abc

November 9th, 2009
3:48 pm

Regarding approachability, that’s what I’m talking about — eye contact, exchange a smile, take it from there. No eye contact, no smile in return, forget about it, just keep it moving. Regarding age differences, more than 5 years either way is too much, but as with everything, there are exceptions, I suppose.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:50 pm

@Brat

Ya lost me….

Where’d religion come into this discussion?

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
3:50 pm

Unfortunately, there are thirsty men everywhere that will still try to talk to one.

AnothaBrotha, then again there are men out there that see it as a challenge to defeat. Either way both are sad.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:53 pm

Brat: Jesus didn’t DESERVE

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:53 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

So you have never tested a guy in your life? You have never cancelled a date when you really could have went? You never played busy when you really were not?

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
3:54 pm

i believe every decent human being should put for as much effort at being what they want in return.

czBrat, there is a saying that goes sorta like “You should strive to be the perfect mate that you want in your partner”. In other words, don’t expect something of your mate that you yourself are not neither striving or willing to be.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:55 pm

Where’d religion come into this discussion?

Dan, I listed several examples of things (standards) we might look for in a mate. If you don’t like the words “faith” and “believer” just skip over them, you should still get the point of my post.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

You should strive to be the perfect mate that you want in your partner”. In other words, don’t expect something of your mate that you yourself are not neither striving or willing to be. Thank you, Raqi!

Jesus didn’t DESERVE Dan, you may want to re-direct your question to For Real????

D'Andre

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

The most successful approaches for me, I kinda hate to say, but the alcohol is flowing. Women who have had a little to drink lose their primary inhibitions and they are more open. That doesn’t mean I’m making a run to home plate, but it gets me a turn at bat – if you know what I’m sayin’. We’ve all got some inhibitions, the alcohol helps people relax and relate.

I’m not sayin’ drunk, just light.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

Brat: Jesus didn’t DESERVE to die but he did. So I don’t understand your “deserving of the things you wish to welcome into your life.” It’s interesting you chose to use “deserve” and “wish” in the same sentenance but then go to espouse merits of work.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:00 pm

So you have never tested a guy in your life?

Mdot I know you are talking to SexyCool, but Imma give my answer. When talking now at my age I speak as to what I have learned in life and to where I am now.

When I say a woman should not do XYZ that’s me speaking from experiences of where I have gone wrong in the past. Or even as recently.

The one thing I know is I am not perfect and have not always done things how they should be. And even now I mess up.

So when someone says “I don’t do….” or “You shouldn’t do….” it does not necessarily mean they have never done. It can simply mean “been there, done that, I advise you not to try it”.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
4:01 pm

@Brat

gotcha.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
4:02 pm

Mdot, sweetie, sugahlump, babyboy, I am 37 years old. Perhaps when I was MUCH younger, I probably did play some games, but like my dad says, “When you learn better, you do better.”

I have no interest in games or bllsht at this point in my life.

However, I can honestly say that I have never cancelled a date when I really could have gone unless I really didn’t want to or couldn’t go.

As to the playing busy when I’m not, hell, I can do that ish to my sister, one of my bffs or my momma. That has nothing to do with a dude. It just might mean that I really want to finish watching this episode of RHOA before I listen to you go on about your latest fight with Derrick.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
4:05 pm

hmmmmm. i have “worked” at being an honest and responsible person (among other things, of course), so that i might be “deserving” of such in a mate and, YES, that is exactly what i “wish” to welcome into my life when the time is right. at the risk of bringing religion into the discussion, feel free to read “wish” as “pray”.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
4:05 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

All of these can be test but we can call them expectation for you ;)

Honesty-In the early stages, you may ask him a question you already asked before and know the answer to but you want to make sure he is not lying to you.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
4:06 pm

And yeah, what Raqi said in her 4p.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
4:08 pm

Mdot – yo’ ass is giving me a headache.

I don’t test my man. That is all.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:09 pm

Oh yeah, Mdot and there are a bouquet of “I don’t do(s) and I never have(s)” that we often hear because some folks have never been given the chance with anyone to actually f*** up.

Meaning not too much experience in that arena of life. LOL

You would be surprised at the number of women within the age range of SexyCool and myself (37-41) that have yet to experience certain things in life.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
4:09 pm

Bet every woman agrees with Raqi’s 4:00 post. I do.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
4:15 pm

@Raqi

Every “don’t”, until they “do” (women esp. in that regard)

SexyCool - Take two of these and call me in the morning.

November 9th, 2009
4:16 pm

Um, yeah. Whatever.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:18 pm

I am feeling something hearty for dinner tonight. Maybe a stew, or soup or some chili.

It feels like the temp is dropping.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
4:21 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

LOL calm down…I just asked you a question. It’s amazing how some people act like they never messed or made a mistake in life. Nobody is trying to give you a headache. Its a public blog and you dont have to respond. :) Now take some advil.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:21 pm

SexyCool why don’t they understand that we all live, but some of us have learned?

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
4:22 pm

well Raqi, i’m starving and i’m seriously feeling like a homewrecker burrito from Moe’s :lol: but tilapia is on the menu tonight. your suggestion sounds perfect for tomorrow’s heavy rains though.

SexyCool - Take two of these and call me in the morning.

November 9th, 2009
4:23 pm

Mdot – one word – facetious.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:26 pm

SexyCool and Leggs if you two are anything like me, I wouldn’t trade nothing for my life experiences.

All the mishaps and screw ups just make us the wiser women we are today.

Now on that note, I’m calling it a day. Goodnight all.

SexyCool - Take two of these and call me in the morning.

November 9th, 2009
4:29 pm

Exactly, like Raqi said, my mishaps and screw ups are many. Hell, a lot of them have been chronicled right here on this public blog for all the world to see.

I have no shame for the flaws in my character or the mistakes that I make. I am human. We all miss the mark.

But here again, I am grateful for the life experienced, the lessons learned, the wisdom gained.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
4:37 pm

No doubt, Raqi. All that I’ve experienced has helped to mold me into the person I look at in the mirror everyday and how how I interact with others.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
4:40 pm

brat: Got you… you are praying that you are deserving of God’s blessing.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
4:46 pm

Good night!

“Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness! Respect their position and keep it moving!”

Love yourself, VALIDATE yourself, and laugh at others when they don’t understand!

GA Girl

November 9th, 2009
5:18 pm

Recently, I was having dinner with family members at Six Feet Under on a Saturday evening prior to our annual Oakland Cemetery tour. There were a group of ladies having dinner and drinks in a booth in front of mine. One lady stood out from the rest. Why? She was sooooooooo loud! Everyone in the bar area heard her conversation as well as her laugh. She thought it was cute but it wasn’t. I thought it was me feeling this way because I was so close to her loudness; however, I did notice people in the bar area looking at her in disgust. It’s OK to be a lady without being so loud. Who would want to approach someone like that?