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Top Ways to Get Approached

In any social setting, single people tend to sabotage themselves without even knowing it.  If you, in fact, want to be noticed and approached, you really need to find ways to signal that you are not going to reject someone who is interested.

While we may look fabulous in our outfits, a lot of women are oblivious about their body language. Crossed arms, eyes on their blackberries, or no smiles can pretty much guarantee you will not be approached!

So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!? Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so?

Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

221 comments Add your comment

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:42 pm

SexyCool….LOL

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
2:43 pm

@For Real

You are really right because some females in Atlanta don’t even know how to correspond with a regular dude who is not trickin…I saw tricks all weekend…Dudes friday at Strip trickin off $150 sushi dinners on the first date….pathetic…

@Leggs & SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

So you guys are dealing with younger guys? My biggest fear about dealing with Older women is that they never really will respect you 100% and that they can always use your age against you in some way. How do you guys prevent this from turning into a mother/child relationship?

@Dan – The Karl Malone of Love

I agreee with you Dan. I am a young guy also. They learned it from somewhere. I think they learned it by thinking they should put and keep women on a pedastal so what’s the way to keep them on a pedastal.? Shower them with material things. They also may be insecure like she will leave me if I dont switch up this lifestyle. My friend in Chicago is smart. He has his real nice car and his regular car. A new chick will never see his real car until later..lol he likes to see how long they will stick around and just to fil them out.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:45 pm

I love happy sht.
Don’t mind me.

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:49 pm

For Real, IMO, too accomodating means not allowing a man to be a man…or woman for that matter. Yes, we’ve talked about this before. To be not too accomodating…IMO means having standards, setting the bar, realistically but setting it none the less. Not willing to tolerate half-azzedness in simpler terms. Yes, if a man is dealing with half-azzedness from a woman and he tolerates, he’s enabling the same toxic behavior.

Ms. Main

November 9th, 2009
2:51 pm

Carry on…I just popped in for a sec and liked Raqi’s comment…toodles

abc

November 9th, 2009
2:52 pm

M., ALL women will start treating you as if you’re a child, sooner or later, if you allow it. The only thing it hinges on is if you allow it or not. Where’s Truth? He regularly testifies about that.

If you’re a cougar’s object, you can believe that an object is about the extent of what you’re ever going to be, and getting treated like a child will certainly enter into it. Hey, long as you get what you want too, I suppose many folks would be fine with it — but you ain’t nothin but an old lady’s trick in that scene. You know that already.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:52 pm

Mdot – MND is a man who is proving himself worthy of submitting to and following. The year of his birth has nothing whatsoever to do with that. I would be a fool to not respect him because he happens to not be born before me.

Too many times, we make decisions about our situations and relationships based on superficial sht and end up with a whole lot of unhappiness and discontent.

I am learning consistenly to make decisions based in what’s real and what’s best for me over the long haul as opposed to short term fixes.

And trust me when I say, I know some old ass idiots who I would let a dog pss on.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:53 pm

abc I agree that allowing a person to be slack speaks volumes about you.

But I tell you in all my days I have never seen as it is now. Men standing back talking about ‘I ain’t gon do ’cause she ain’t doing’. In a world where it’s the man’s place to pursue and do the initial asking, it should be expected for that man to have something in mind for the union that may transpire.

Poppa Grande

November 9th, 2009
2:54 pm

$150 for first date? That isn’t fiscally responsible.

Most of my first dates were either lunch or brunch.

Two advantages: (1) breakfast and Lunch is usually cheaper.
(2) plus we both could see each other in the daylight and know that neither of us were vampires.

Seriously, though, brunch and lunch is usually less crowded and more conducive for conversation than dinner.

Cool Shadow

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

czBrat@2:32 – that’s cool, good luck with that ‘borrowing’. Just remember, the dude that ignores the red card may be persistent– or simply color blind. lol

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

Oh…and to the specific mother/child relationship….I ain’t got no damn kids and I ain’t trying to be my man’s momma.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
2:56 pm

@M. ~ presently, I’m not dealing with anyone. I was dismissing the younger guys when they started approaching me awhile ago, but have since changed my mind due to the fact that men my age and older tend to be boring.

How do you guys prevent this from turning into a mother/child relationship? I could only laugh at this. Never really thought of “mother/child” dynamic, but more of the mental sparring. I need you to spar with me on many levels. I can’t sit back and talk about Rhi Rhi/Chris Brown, Drake, etc. I need a person who isn’t myopic in their vision of life. Although I like to be silly, I have a very serious side and I just can’t be silly 24/7. Also, because I’m older I don’t need someone saying “awwww, you’re just old,” when in fact I’m human and I do get tired like the rest of the human race. No matter how you look at it, pretty sure the cliches will start to appear:

1. Your too old and stuck in your ways
2. Gosh, you’re wrinkling at an alarming rate. (lol)
3. Why you always wear your cap backwards?
4. No, I don’t want go to the Velvet Room
5. Why you have the window up in the winter (hot flashes)…just to name a few.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
2:58 pm

…is a man who is proving himself worthy of submitting to and following.

Exactly, SexyCool, exactly. There are too many men taking on the part of little boys yet wanting to be looked to and respected as men.

Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
2:59 pm

Disclaimer – I’m not as old as Leggs. No hot flashes here. ~lol~

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:00 pm

@Mdot

Cuzzo, your friend is playing a game too (and he worse than a chick becuase he should know better).

It’s not about playing games or seeing “if this, then that”.

I have a certain manner with which I carry myself in life, now a chick can get with that or get going with no hard feelings. That said, I like and respect a woman with the same way of being (this is me, deal or don’t). That way it’s much more above board and all no 4th quarter heriocs are necessary.

Part of the reason for the Karl Malone, actually: Hall of Fame career statistics, played the last part of his career for the ring.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:01 pm

@abc

That’s interesting. So the best thing for a guy to do would be to not put all their eggs in this woman’s basket and to just enjoy the ride in the mean time?

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:06 pm

Mdot: $150 that because that’s what men are suppose to do but you better not have the same expectation. Oh and like abc said if you let a woman no matter her age not respect you then it’s on you.

Scool: “I love happy sht” = successfull BM

Ms.Main: Not sure how someone can “not allow” one to be a man or a woman but we can talk about it tonight. Oh and do you still want me to bring the fruit roll ups?

abc: I agree 100% but I’m sure you will still get this response: “It’s okay for a woman to have standards but it’s not okay for a man to have standards. ie. woman should have expectations of men but men shouldn’t have expectations of women.” or something similar.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:09 pm

@For Real

A $150 on a first date? Really?
You signing off on that mess?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
3:09 pm

What do you think/how do you react when a younger guy approaches you? Do you give him a fair chance or do you hold their age against them?

Interesting question M.dot. This has been the history of my dating life…for as long as I can remember I’ve been approached by younger men and no I don’t hold their age against them until they start acting like it. Some of the younger guys(~6-7 yrs younger than I) are indeed mature for their age and know how to articulate on subjects from politics or other world issues to some down right hood ish, and I like that. I tend to stay in the ~30ish(28,29) range and above cause I don’t date chirren. Now that I think about it my last S.O. was 7 years my junior and I had a “boy toy” 12 yrs. my junior….but he was just for rainy night fun.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:12 pm

:lol: Don’t worry, they’re coming.

“Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.” (Shaking of tamborines)! Amen!

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:14 pm

Dan: Look on the other side of that conjunction and remember:
Conjunction, conjunction what’s your function…

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:16 pm

@ For Real, of course men should have standards. i want to know that the man i’m dealing with has HIGH standards, in fact. he has to be deserving (and know it), especially if he’s up to meeting my standards. similar to what Dan said, you vibe with the one that is of like mind.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
3:17 pm

“Hell be the man you are supposed to be and the least of your worries will be your woman following.” (Shaking of tamborines)! Amen!

As SASSAFRASS puts a 20 in the collection plate……

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:18 pm

@Brat

‘deserving’ of what excatly?

abc

November 9th, 2009
3:19 pm

M., I can’t really offer up anything meaningful in that regard… when I was in my 20’s, there was nearly no such thing as men my age having interest in women that were 20 years older. It wasn’t only a lack of physical attraction, it was predominantly a matter of having absolutely nothing in common with them. Now that my own age is on the other end of that spectrum, I can’t imagine playing around with chicks 20 years younger, on the same account. Man, it would be embarrassing to be out looking like some young chick’s sugar daddy! Not happening.

So, enjoy the ride? I’m at a bit of a loss as to what’d be to really enjoy for you, but if older chicks are a big attraction, there are surely plenty that are out there looking for you.

Raqi...Oh,oh,oh,Oh,oh,oh

November 9th, 2009
3:19 pm

Men and women both should have standards and expectations. That’s all part of the choosing process. Know what you want and go for it. Don’t accept less.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:23 pm

Brat: I hear what you are saying but one of my pet peeves is the word “DESERVE”. I mean you only eat what you catch and that goes for both sexes.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:24 pm

@Dan – The Karl Malone of Love

LOL that’s what I am wondering…$150?

@Leggs

I see what you mean. It can always go both ways. Women my age may come off as immature at times also so I guess it’s a matter of preference.

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++
@Leggs
@abc

So when you were dating these younger guys, did you ever TEST them?

@ For real

I definately agree with the respect thing. I think you will have to keep your eyes open for that because though they are older than you, they will try you one way or another on purpose or not. You definatley should not let anyone disrespect you especially the person you are dating…black/white/candystripe….dont stand for that.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:26 pm

Just had a flashback of Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child.

“I-I-I-I-want the kniiifffeee…….pleeeeease!!!”

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:28 pm

abc: I agree, it’s like he looking for a teacher. Kinda like those old karate movies and I’m talking about the ones where sound doesn’t match the movement of their mouth.

Cougar: Hey dare young fellow

Mdot: (mouth moving no words)

Cougar: Oh lawd eyes don lost my hearing!!!

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:29 pm

I have stated several times in this forum, I see no need to ‘test’ a partner. Life throws you enough bllsht and tests you enough without me forcing you to prove a point to soothe my ego, alleviate my doubts or prove my point.

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:30 pm

@M. first you have to take abc out of your question (he’s a guy).

No, I’d like to be myself and let him be himself. If things fall apart it would happen because in the long run we aren’t meant to be together and not because of a test he failed (that may or may not be outdated). What tests do you guys use these days anyway. Whose honest enough to give me a good 5?

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
3:30 pm

Hmmm interesting thoughts. I think the best thing for men to do is NOT approach women who are anything but cooperative. A woman who’s acting deceptive (or stank) should get ZERO attention. Unfortunately, there are thirsty men everywhere that will still try to talk to one.

Here’s another observation for you, Dan: I’m seeing that if a man is really hitting his stride and achieving success, he will not need to worry about “approaches” and if a woman is giving him the “green light”. Healthy, sane women will be in his face, actively looking for him to choose them. (I know the ladies hate that). Then his responsibility will be to screen properly.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:39 pm

@AB

Therein your point revolves around “success”.

“A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health.”

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:40 pm

@abc

My bad

@Leggs

I am with you and I know they test. I wonder who is going to keep it 100% right now.

I know in regards to the calling and phone games earlier, like I said, you MUST keep your dignity. You cant come across like you are sitting by the phone waiting for her to call or calling her. Either way, you dont want to come across desperate or as we say in Chicago….thirsty…

Anotha Brotha

November 9th, 2009
3:43 pm

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
3:43 pm

Or even a good 3. 5 may be all the game one has!

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:46 pm

Dan (and For Real) deserving of the things you wish to welcome into your life. i believe every decent human being should put for as much effort at being what they want in return. don’t just sit back and expect to receive for the sake of receiving. don’t think you don’t need an education but you want to be with someone educated; don’t think you don’t need a job but you want to be with someone who is responsibly employed; don’t think you don’t need faith but you want to be with a believer. that’s where having standards plays a big part in what you accept into your life.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
3:48 pm

I don’t test for, but I look for and expect…
Consistency
Honesty
Support
Faithfulness
Love

and not necessarily in that order.

abc

November 9th, 2009
3:48 pm

Regarding approachability, that’s what I’m talking about — eye contact, exchange a smile, take it from there. No eye contact, no smile in return, forget about it, just keep it moving. Regarding age differences, more than 5 years either way is too much, but as with everything, there are exceptions, I suppose.

Dan - The Karl Malone of Love

November 9th, 2009
3:50 pm

@Brat

Ya lost me….

Where’d religion come into this discussion?

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
3:50 pm

Unfortunately, there are thirsty men everywhere that will still try to talk to one.

AnothaBrotha, then again there are men out there that see it as a challenge to defeat. Either way both are sad.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:53 pm

Brat: Jesus didn’t DESERVE

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
3:53 pm

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

So you have never tested a guy in your life? You have never cancelled a date when you really could have went? You never played busy when you really were not?

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
3:54 pm

i believe every decent human being should put for as much effort at being what they want in return.

czBrat, there is a saying that goes sorta like “You should strive to be the perfect mate that you want in your partner”. In other words, don’t expect something of your mate that you yourself are not neither striving or willing to be.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:55 pm

Where’d religion come into this discussion?

Dan, I listed several examples of things (standards) we might look for in a mate. If you don’t like the words “faith” and “believer” just skip over them, you should still get the point of my post.

czBrat

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

You should strive to be the perfect mate that you want in your partner”. In other words, don’t expect something of your mate that you yourself are not neither striving or willing to be. Thank you, Raqi!

Jesus didn’t DESERVE Dan, you may want to re-direct your question to For Real????

D'Andre

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

The most successful approaches for me, I kinda hate to say, but the alcohol is flowing. Women who have had a little to drink lose their primary inhibitions and they are more open. That doesn’t mean I’m making a run to home plate, but it gets me a turn at bat – if you know what I’m sayin’. We’ve all got some inhibitions, the alcohol helps people relax and relate.

I’m not sayin’ drunk, just light.

For Real

November 9th, 2009
3:58 pm

Brat: Jesus didn’t DESERVE to die but he did. So I don’t understand your “deserving of the things you wish to welcome into your life.” It’s interesting you chose to use “deserve” and “wish” in the same sentenance but then go to espouse merits of work.

Raqi

November 9th, 2009
4:00 pm

So you have never tested a guy in your life?

Mdot I know you are talking to SexyCool, but Imma give my answer. When talking now at my age I speak as to what I have learned in life and to where I am now.

When I say a woman should not do XYZ that’s me speaking from experiences of where I have gone wrong in the past. Or even as recently.

The one thing I know is I am not perfect and have not always done things how they should be. And even now I mess up.

So when someone says “I don’t do….” or “You shouldn’t do….” it does not necessarily mean they have never done. It can simply mean “been there, done that, I advise you not to try it”.