accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Top Ways to Get Approached

In any social setting, single people tend to sabotage themselves without even knowing it.  If you, in fact, want to be noticed and approached, you really need to find ways to signal that you are not going to reject someone who is interested.

While we may look fabulous in our outfits, a lot of women are oblivious about their body language. Crossed arms, eyes on their blackberries, or no smiles can pretty much guarantee you will not be approached!

So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!? Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so?

Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

221 comments Add your comment

Dan

November 9th, 2009
8:52 am

My pet peeve is the cell phone gazing.

It indicates that 1) you’re waiting on someone, or 2) you’re not present in the moment or your surroundings. Either way, I’m not bothering you.

I was out a couple of weeks ago and met a lovely young lady simply because, while engaged with her friends, she showed that she was still receptive to being approached. In speaking to her about it, it (still) shocks me just how much scoping you ladies do on the sly.

But yeah, WD, the boot, the crossed arms, and the general energy will ruin an otherwise good looking female.

Morning folks

QC

November 9th, 2009
9:07 am

Morning Bloggers! I really don’t have an approach i just be myself…but i do approach Men..i’ve even sent a drink over to someone who caught my attention as an “ice breaker”..which usually ends up exchanging of cell numbers & great friendships…Have a great day Bloggers! :)

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
9:33 am

I can’t remember the last time I approached a women simply because she “looked good.” If that was the case, I’d approach dozens of women everyday.

For me, it’s her general disposition that makes me want to push up on her. If I say “Hello, how are you” and she replies with a dry and short “fine,” I keep moving. I assume she doesn’t want to be bothered. However, from talking to many women, sometimes this is no indication of her mood. Huh? It just amazes me that so many women expect to be approached even when they are not friendly.

I never buy or send drinks as icebreakers. That’s backwards to me. If we’re talking and having good convo, then of course, but otherwise, probably not.

I don’t approach women in packs. The only thing worse than trying to interest a complete stranger is trying to interest a complete stranger while her three girlfriends [who are mad 'cause no one has approached them] stand around and size you up. Also, I feel like if they’re in her business like that from day one, it’s only gonna get worse as I continue to try to get to know her.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:37 am

Three Words Daily – Manage life effectively.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:38 am

1. Eye contact.
2. Smile.
3. Don’t be ugly.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
9:38 am

So ladies who get approached, what is your secret!?Do you find a way to stand out and get a man’s attention? It may sound corny or cliche but I’m out I’m just me.

Do you ever approach men? If you have or would, what about the man would compel you to do so? Yes I have approached a man before and with me it’s something about him that compels me.

Hopeless Romantic Diva

November 9th, 2009
9:39 am

Smile when you walk through a room. Smile when you are watching the band. Smile when you are talking to the waiters/bar tenders.

I have friends who send guys a drink if they want to meet them. And it usually works.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
9:47 am

Morning folks…..that thing called “reciprocity” is what lets me know its safe to approach a young lady….what is reciprocity? That mutual showing of interest….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..

pompous? yeah, sorta.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
9:53 am

Where’s Rell?

Cause for all that “seduction” talk, this topic should be his time to go off.

@2C – The reciprocity is the fun of it.

@Fred G. – Buying the drinks to spark the convo is a lame move. If my “-ism” can’t hold your attention long enough for us to need a drink, then I’m leading with my wallet.

Hahaha @SC – that’s hilarious

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
9:55 am

I have approached men in the past, but would not do so now.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
9:56 am

And why is that Sexy? What’s wrong with letting a brother know you got your eye on him?

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 9th, 2009
9:57 am

….”how long will it take me to get her number?” …….however long it takes me to ask her…..pompous? yeah, sorta.

Confidence speaks VOLUMES….

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:03 am

As to finding ways to stand out or get men’s attention, I don’t have any tricks for that. I don’t go out looking for attention or trying to attract it. I am blessed enough/fortunate enough (and sometimes, unfortunate enough) that it just comes naturally. Usually, I’m just out being myself.

For instance, I met MND while I was sitting at the bar at a restaurant having an apple martini and waiting on someone else to arrive. Our eyes met. We exchanged ‘hellos.’ And as far as I was concerned, that was it. A few minutes later, he complimented me; we began a conversation and I gave him my number. And the rest….well, you know.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:04 am

While there is no cookie cutter or textbook cures to dating potentials, I think the old saying stands true, Just be approachable.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Hey, my negro, Toucan – DISCLAIMER – I am not going to explain this very well at all.

1. I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached.

2. I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well.

3. I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.

4. Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.

(Like I said, not very well explained, but….it is what it is.)

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Even if a woman does go out with a group, which all should because it’s dangerous out there, if she make eye contact or exchange smiles with a gentleman, she should step away from the pack long enough to give the man a chance to approach.

I imagine it can be intimidating for a man to try to speak to a woman within a group of her friends and they stand there sizing him up.

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:10 am

Good Morning!

What gets me approached usually is my smile and eye contact – the little glances over to the man of my interest while chatting it up with my friends. I’ve been told by guys that they loved what appeared to be my carefree disposition when out.

I would always get some conversation while sitting at the bar and a man has to come up behind me to order a drink. I would normally look up at him, smile and speak.

I smile and speak to everyone I establish eye contact with.

I do not approach men.

loving Melanie Fiona’s CD, been rocking since my late night work session Friday

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:11 am

SCool Just saw your cloud status. LOVE.IT!!!

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:13 am

Taz – I wish I could bottle this up and give it to everyone I love. But of course, you wouldn’t need any. You’ve already got your own.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:17 am

Not meaning or attempting to change the topic, but uh, Tazzee, thanks for the lead on the movie idea. It was awesome. A little gorier than what I like but still a good movie. Thanks.

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
10:23 am

Sexy, while I can’t knock your theories for not approaching a guy, let’s examine those for a minute…..

1) ” I have yet to have a successful relationship with someone that I approached”…….How did you step to him? In what setting? Did you sashay over to him like how you do it (you know I love that sexy strut of yours)?

2) “I have also developed a mindset that I want a man who is going to take the lead. And that means in the approach as well. “…..can’t debate on that one….

3)” I have come to believe that the way you start is the way you finish, if I start out chasing you / leading the way / making the first moves, I will always be the one doing the chasing / leading the way / making the first move.”……true, but who said “chasing”…you’re just letting him know you’re interested….

4)”Plus, I also have a theory that a man that has a situation (read: other woman somewhere) will be more likely to allow me into his dramedy if I approach him first.”….while that may be true, it ain’t necessarily the gospel; “a closed mouth don’t get fed!” You can let a man know you’re interested and not even approach him. The onus will be on him to make a move……

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:23 am

SCool – yeah, my cup runneth over ;-)

Raqi – you’re welcome. I turned my head plenty times during the movie. There were also a few times when I screamed and no one else in the theater did, LOL.

On approaching men – my reasons for not doing it are the same as those listed by SCool’s 10:10. Tried it in the past and it just did not work.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:24 am

@Taz/Raqi

I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?

Why not smell the rose amid the weeds? Why pluck it and ruin the scent?

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:25 am

Oh…and like Taz, I speak to or acknowledge with a nod every person that looks into my eyes. (and kinda get annoyed with the don’t speak back, but um yeah, that’s my peeve.)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 9th, 2009
10:25 am

Morning ya’ll!

Tazzee – i really want Melanie Fiona’s CD, so its worth it huh?

SCool – co signing your 10:10. I dont mind approaching a guy, but my luck with it on the long run has not been good

I dont do anything to appear approachable, but when I dont want to be bothered I try my hardest to convey that. For some reason, dudes think when I am out eating alone, in a secluded corner, with my nose in a book that I want to be approached. go figure!

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:26 am

Guys, what are the top ways women can get approached? When you see someone that catches your eye, what is the first thing you notice that sends you over to where she is? What would make you do a u-turn and go the other way? How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

Interesting topic. We were on our way to the Falcons game yesterday and I met a very attractive girl in a redskins jersey. I just made some quick conversation but the key was that she was receptive to me. I think alot of Women are used to having a 10 foot brick wall built up around them and a guy just may not be in a mood for a gauntlet. They may just want cooperation from a female not a job interview of why she should converse with you.

I think women can be approached better by being more receptive. Smile and take that sassy, attitude, and annoyed look of your face. If you didn’t come to have a good time, you could have stayed at home!

How long does it take before you decide that you will get her number?

I don’t even go that route anymore. I just give out my number. The redskins girl was cool and I gave her my number. I give out my number because if a girl is interested, she will call. I don’t have time for phone games anymore. If she doesn’t not call means that maybe she is not interested, but look at the bright side, at least you found out now and did not have to waste your time, and you still have your dignity.

nathan

November 9th, 2009
10:27 am

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
10:31 am

@ Dan

I’m kinda confused. Why step away from the pack (I get the “privacy” issue)? I mean, isn’t the dissection of everything about the dude gonna start the minute she returns to the pack?

To me, it’s the “grown up’ thing to do. As a guy, I don’t my friends over my shoulder when I approach a woman. Step back and go find something else to do while I talk to the lady of interest.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

Toucan

1. I have approached so many dudes in the past in so many ways that I couldn’t even begin to list them all. Seriously. I’m a flirt and most men respond to my flirtations.

3. Not a literal chase, but a figurative one.

4. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.

Really, I had just decided that I don’t care how attractive I thought a dude was or how much time he and I spent eyeing each other, if he didn’t walk up to me, it just wasn’t going to happen. Period. There are way too many dudes out there that will approach. There is no worry that I might let “The One” get away because I didn’t approach him. Because, if he didn’t approach me, he wasn’t who I was looking for anyway.

Perhaps, if I were in a position where I didn’t get the kind of attention I do, I would look at it differently.

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

Dan – I don’t understand your question? Are you saying a woman should make a man approach in the midst of the ‘pack’ instead of separating herself? I guess it depends on the woman. You’re right, my friends would ask questions regardless. Shoot, if I met a guy and they were no where around, they would ask the standard questions. As far as being out with my friends – if a guy approached, my friends would ignore us, or try their best to. But they would in no way make the guy feel uncomfortable. We don’t do things like that.

But yeah, when interested I would find an excuse to separate myself allowing the guy a chance to approach me one on one.

Mo – I really enjoy her CD. It’s fun. Some 60’s flair, a little island flair. I got it when it was $5.99 on iTunes. But it’s worth the $9.99 to me.

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:32 am

@MDot – right on, bruh! (Though my motivations are dissimilar)

I do it because I believe in presenting options and accountability. I give her the number and if she calls there’s “reciprocity”, if she doesn’t it’s still her decision.

All that “chasing” and “hunting” is old, like ‘92 high-right-low-left old. We grown, act like an adult.

TexasBoy

November 9th, 2009
10:33 am

What would get my attention is a woman who is being silly and funny but not obnoxious. I love to see a woman laugh I think that’s sexy,

Tazzee - What a lovely weekend!

November 9th, 2009
10:34 am

Closed mouths don’t get fed. Yeah, and still somehow, I never seem to go hungry.

:lol: :lol:

Dan

November 9th, 2009
10:35 am

@Fred G.

I’m talking about approaching a woman when she’s with her pack. Of course you step away from your folks (unless that wing man is needed).

@Taz

I wouldn’t expect adults to behave (making him uncomfortable) in such a fashion.

Cemeeli

November 9th, 2009
10:38 am

…morning…

Thanks for the wake-up mail Tazzee…don’t need a week like last.

…ok…approach?…nah much…i just chill…

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:38 am

@Blog Ladies

You ladies want to know what really messes it up for you before you even start?

Smart alec women. I dealt with this before. Women who kind of have a sacracstic disposition. Almost to where it comes of as insults.

Guys, do you know what I am talking about? You approach a woman and it almost comes off like she is bitter and taking it out on you and you JUST met her?

Lord Velonese

November 9th, 2009
10:41 am

Three Words Daily – You’re a Retard

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:41 am

Dan it’s not about whether or not the friends will ask questions about the guy later. In fact it will happen without fail.

But the thing is as mentioned by many men, you all feel that a woman in a group is approachable. And like I stated earlier, I can see how that would be intimidating to a guy…him walking up to a woman while she is standing amongst her friends. Not to mention her moving away from the group for a few minutes should be your cue to approach.

And you know if your approach is lame you will not get laughed at, very loudly, by five women at one time and draw attention to yourself if done while she is away from the pack. LOL

Yeah when she goes back there may be a giggle or two, but not a “POW, in your face” type of letdown.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
10:43 am

Mdot – I see your Smart Aleck Women and raise you three Know It All Men. (The frickin’ worst.)

I remember meeting a guy and him asking me what I do. When I mentioned my business interests, within in five minutes he was telling me that the way I do business is all wrong. Double-You Tee Eff?!?!?

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:45 am

Mdot usually the smart aleck sarcastic ones (as I have been before) are not interested anyway. So if you get that call it one for the team and move on.

Raqi....Oh, oh, Oh, oh

November 9th, 2009
10:50 am

I know we are talking “approach” today, however the thing is every woman that leaves her house and ventures out into the great singles unknown and has a good pleasant demeanor is not looking to get approached or hit on.

Watch for her cues. Just because a woman is polite does not mean she wants you to come hither. If her bodily language is open then approach. If it’s not, then stay away, she is probably just being polite.

When guys insist that’s when the mean mugging or snide remarks come along.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 9th, 2009
10:51 am

@M dot and Dan

I guess I’m a little different when it comes to making calls. I don’t like to give her my number and leave it in her hands. To me, it’s an insult when I step to a woman, chat, ask for her number, and she replies with “give me yours.” If she expects me to put myself out there and “take the lead,” she can’t dictate how I do that. I understand your points, though.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 9th, 2009
10:57 am

@SexyCool – Cloud Status – 9++

LOL I totally agree with you. I know what you mean. The Ive been everywhere, seen everything, overly alpha male, you cant tell me nothing guy that looks like Ving Rhames with a cigar right? LOL

@Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

I see what you mean but I disagree because I dont even ASK for their number because look how crazy guys look when you just meet a woman and you call and you leave a message and she does not respond. She KNEW you called. It’s just that some women like to give their number out just to have guys sweating them and to give them an ego boost. So in your case, if I call once and leave a message and she does not call back…DELETE.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
10:57 am

Raqi – If a dude wants a chic and she’s with her crew.. He just needs to step to her in front of all of them, acknowledge them, be charming and get her.. You have to disarm the group first by talking to all of them so no one feels slighted.. All the while you got your eye on the one you want..

2CPTG - reproaching all approaches!

November 9th, 2009
10:59 am

Raqi…..usually we can tell if y’all wanna be approached….again, may sound kinda cocky, but when you’ve been in the “business” for quite sometime, you know whom to approach….and then, sometimes even when you don’t want to be approached, but you’re receptive, you can still get snagged!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
11:00 am

In order for a dude to get noticed is to just own the place from the time you enter the spot.. You 10 ft tall as soon as you walk thru the door. Not a arrogant confidence but a dude in control.. I found it works best when you roll solo, women seem to pay attention to a dude rolling solo and still owns the spot..

Leggs

November 9th, 2009
11:02 am

Good mroning.

I see your Know It All Men and raise you five I’m not looking for a relationship but would like to get to know you better in the hopes of things changing. WHAT!!

Hope all had a great weekend and did something outdoors…it was absolutely GORGEOUS.

@SCool ~ if you should learn how to bottle it up, please mail me 2 bottles. Thank you!

Be yourself, have a smile on your face, and you can compliment a man even if he doesn’t compliment you back. Just enjoy being!

Dan

November 9th, 2009
11:03 am

@Fred G.

It’s a really fine line between “leading” and “listening” with women.

I tend to fall on the side that allows her to be an active and responsible participant in her happiness.

@DK

My thoughts exactly, you’re going to be judged either way, why not get it over with early?

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 9th, 2009
11:05 am

Dan – That High right low left was bout 88 from where I was..

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9++

November 9th, 2009
11:06 am

IDK – your 11a actually works for women as well.