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I’m Not Happy

I know a lot of us would like to be in relationships right now but sometimes we tend to forget that they take a lot of work and effort.  When the tough times hit, like they inevitably will, we aren’t always prepared for it.  This is when you find out what your relationship is really made of, good or bad.

When a woman is unhappy, she probably has a change in her behavior towards her partner. Because men have innate differences from women they feel the need to want to fix it.  They actually care a lot about why their woman is unhappy and want to do what they can to improve it.  It’s almost as if they take it personally when their woman isn’t satisfied and fulfilled.

Ladies, have you ever dated a really moody guy? I am not referring to the random cranky mood but a guy who has a lot of bad moods, how did you handle it?

Guys, do you think that your woman’s unhappiness is a reflection of your relationship with her? Does it bother you when she is unhappy?

Do you think we are responsible solely for our own happiness in a relationship?

209 comments Add your comment

ImAPeach404

November 6th, 2009
10:32 am

His moods reminded me of Sybil(not blog Sybil but the one played by Sallie Fields from that movie) b/c I never knew who I was going to see when we met.

LMAO!!!!!!!

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
10:38 am

Either your partner will oblige within reason or reject. It’s up to you from there.

I say within reason because situations that a bringing the unhappiness outside of the relationship are out of your control. At that point all you can offer is support and advice. The support and advice alone can be enough to show that you at least care for your s/o happiness. It may not help change the situation but it takes care of the internal needs within the union.

No one should subject undue burden onto their mate. Don’t expect them to change the world for you because they can’t.

I do know this, if I started having problems at work that affected my happiness my marido would offer me advice on how I can maybe change somethings. I know if having tried all I can do he would offer me a way out so that I can possibly find other employment. His support alone is that is needed. The rest is up to me.

i'm swiss

November 6th, 2009
10:38 am

“If you are truly in love with a person you will do anything (legal) to make them happy and vice versa.”

…And several things that are illegal — well… in GA, at least… ;-) :lol:

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 6th, 2009
10:43 am

Peach you ain’t right…lol. We all have bad days once in a while but with him it almost seemed constant and that becomes draining eventually. It’s like he looked for happiness from the external instead of starting with himself.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 6th, 2009
10:48 am

Raqi – Yeah I wanted to keep my household straight but I invested too much of my happiness in it. Eventually you figure out nothing you do is good enough or acceptable in this persons eyes.. The person has to be responsible for their own happiness and me for mine.. Then we can come together and be one big bundle of happy happy Joy Joy and not a ball of confusion. Investing so much of your happiness in it leaves you questioning yourself and waivering on well dang is this right or would that be right, when all your life youve never questioned your decisions.. Please Im glad I shook the spot it was the best thing I did for my HAPPINESS.

ImAPeach404

November 6th, 2009
10:55 am

@Sassy – I aint right? YOU said it!!!

Hef

November 6th, 2009
11:00 am

I’ve dated some women that in hindsight were either truly evil or mentally touched.One who was divorced and had 3 children(suprise),her children were in Columbus being cared for by a friend.I asked how she could be away from her children,so low and behold she shows up on my doorstep with kids in tow thinking that I meant for her/kids to move in-youch! Another was a beautiful woman that was a caring nurse who worked the night shift.Well she did work the night shift and did play a nurse,but just was’nt the type I was thinking. She also turned out to be a “crack” dealer,convicted felon(forgery),& thief (stole my secondary car for drug runs).There have been other dingdongs along the way,thus being single for all these years.To be fair tho, I’ve screwed up my fair share,and let some really good women get away.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
11:05 am

I am guilty of actually making the statement twice to my marido of “I want you to fix it” and one was concerning something that was within the reigns of our union and the other was not. I admit that was an unfair statement to make both times, but I did make it. One instance I felt that it was his fault and he needed to fix it. Although he couldn’t, he tried and I had to leave it alone after that. The second instance had nothing to do with him, but I was offer estimating his abilities as a mere mortal man due to my frustrations.

I am not perfect, just human. And the same goes for him.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 6th, 2009
11:11 am

Three Words Daily – Peter Piper Picked

abc

November 6th, 2009
11:18 am

Whether one pursues their own happiness with their mate or not depends on how much of that pursuit is common between them. If one is mired in doldrums and the other pursues their happiness on their own, an emotional distance starts to form and grow. Everyone should have their own interests and pursuits, but if it comes to pass that there is nothing shared between them in pursuit of happiness, it’s unlikely that their relationship will survive.

That’s where a bit of the work comes in. Become like-minded in at least a few things that you can pursue together for find happiness.

Hef

November 6th, 2009
11:19 am

I’m at an age now where I allow my fiance in her eyes the belief she is making me into a better person/stepfather. Before I would rebel and go onto the next conquest,now if its not to out of character I comply and for the most part there is happiness in “mudsville”. I’ve decided that I don’t have to be the main focus of the relationship,and am quite content with her believing she is at the helm.I’m more at ease & life is good.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
11:29 am

Vicky is having an awesome sale. I may check her out tomorrow.

While it is not necessary it would make me “happi” er if the marido paid the expense. :lol:

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
11:41 am

It’s amazing how certain little things can just brighten your day.

An unexpected note

A baby’s smile

Wearing something super sexy even when no one knows you have it on

The sound of children laughing

An unexpected increase in your pay, no matter how small or large the amount

Buying yourself something new

The smell of your favorite dessert

A clear blue sky

An unexpected gift from your honey

A comfortable bed with fresh linen

A smile from a stranger

Elijah ....

November 6th, 2009
11:44 am

Good Morning blogging superstars!

Happiness… One must truly have happiness within yourself in order to start the process being happy. I will have internal and external happiness by accomplishing goals that I have set for myself. In a relationship I will express to that person what I require from them to add to my happiness and if they put forth the effort I will be pleased.

Hello Super, Sexy Sassy! :wink:

Hello Sexy Coooooooollllllllllllll! :smile:

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 6th, 2009
11:54 am

A ‘nasty’ (in a good way) text message/email

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 6th, 2009
12:12 pm

Peach I was joking when I posted the “you ain’t right”,hence the “lol” after it…..didn’t really see a need for all of those !!!!!! but if that’s how YOU feel….run it chica.

Hey Eli ;) How YOU doin?

LURKER

November 6th, 2009
12:23 pm

Women take notes to borrow a line from For Real.

Peach when your SO complains this is what you do ZZZIIIPPPPPPPP!

When I am watching the game and the Falcons are losing ZZZIIIPPPPPP!

After I take you to dinner and we are driving home ZIIIPPPP!

More to come!

SexyCool - Cruising.

November 6th, 2009
12:32 pm

SexyCool - Cruising.

November 6th, 2009
12:38 pm

So…during the month of October, I COMPLETELY fell off my workout plan and because of the weather, was playing very little softball, but did not change my eating habits ONE bit.

Messed around and gained almost five pounds…..AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
However, I’m back on it…FOR REAL….again…LOL!

Melo

November 6th, 2009
12:42 pm

Although he couldn’t, he tried and I had to leave it alone after that

do u manipulate ur man or is he that amenable to manipulation??

but I was offer estimating his abilities as a mere mortal man due to my frustrations??

???????????

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 6th, 2009
12:43 pm

LOL! Hang in there SCool! :smile:

Raqi – music always brightens my day

waking up and its friday

my weekly phone call with the siblings

fresh air

Melt_me

November 6th, 2009
12:45 pm

I have I been in a relationship with a moody guy. When we initially dated I assumed he was a more quiet, reserved man but I was wrong, he was either emotionless or sad. Nothing could be done for this man to stay happy for more than one day. I had to take a good look at the situation and realize that he was unhappy with himself not me or the relationship. It was unhealthy for me to try to walk on egg shells or try to “entertain” him every day. Now that I look back on it he was unhappy in every area of his life- work, kids, love life…He was miserable, no passion for anything. It didn’t take me long to realize I had to go.

Tazzee - I'm Happy!!!

November 6th, 2009
12:46 pm

Afternoon Folks!

Raqi seems to have covered my response in her posts. When you are in a committed relationship, you and that person are essentially joined together. When you give your heart to someone, they do have the ability to make you happy or cause you pain. Yeah, yeah, yeah – we say it’s our choice to respond to what they do – but if you’re totally in you can’t help to respond in a manner that correlates with that action….well at least that’s how I am.

My fiance’ and I were having a discussion this morning about how he wants me to be happy and will do what he can to make sure I’m happy. That alone makes me happy and that makes me want him to be happy.

I’ve had a busy morning and now I’m taking this brief break to get some lunch.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
12:53 pm

I crossed paths with my former BFF’s sister while out getting lunch. She says he and his wife are getting ready to have their second child. That’s nice to hear. I am glad he is doing well.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
12:53 pm

Hey Tazzee. How’s it going?

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
12:55 pm

waking up and its friday

LOL Mo. Saturday mornings make me ecstatic.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
12:56 pm

Messed around and gained almost five pounds

Yeah SexyCool it’s so easy to find those extra pounds, but 10 times harder to get rid of them.

2CPTG's #1 Fan

November 6th, 2009
12:58 pm

where is he anyways? wit his phine self.

happy friday bloggers!

bbl.

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 6th, 2009
1:12 pm

@Blog Ladies

I know that society wants guys to put and keep women on a pedestal, but what if a guy genuinely came out and said he was not happy with you and told you the area. My friend has a great relationship except in 1 area and she is not budging…Do you compromise yourself for this relationship to survive?

Chink

November 6th, 2009
1:18 pm

M.

If its something that I can do I will do it. But if its something that “is not me” I can’t because I will hate him later. And will prbably be the cause of our demise. I wish people would just put all their cards on the table before you get in too deep!

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
1:20 pm

Mdot it all depends. How important is the thing that is wanted? Is it legal? Is it worth losing the relationship for? Will it cause the person to compromise their integrity or moral beliefs? It is a selfish “me” request that the relationship could function just fine without?

M. (pronoucned M dot)

November 6th, 2009
1:25 pm

@Raqi

It’s interesting because it’s nothing that she has not done before. I think the issue is deeper because to me if you did it for others but if its a problem with me then it’s a problem right?

It’s like she kinda reformed. They have NEVER closed the deal but have done everything else. This has been torturing him for 2 years! This is a grown woman. I would rather have nothing if I were him than to be TEASED.

LURKER

November 6th, 2009
1:27 pm

When MND wants a sandwich from SC can you ZIPPPPPPPP while I am eating this great sandwich!

When Raqi wants Mason to hold the baby and Mason is tired from working…..ZIPPPPPPPP O.K. bring me my little precious daughter!

Downtown Heffa

November 6th, 2009
1:27 pm

OK, let’s be honest. Most of us are unhappy due to the unrealistic expectations we’ve placed on our partners. They haven’t changed. They were the same when we met them OR we couldn’t see the forest for the trees. It’s been so long since we’ve had someone in our lives that anything was better than being alone. Now, we’ve found ourselves in a proverbial crisis. As I’ve state many times before, let your expectations known upfront to avoid added stress.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
1:35 pm

LOL Mdot I kinda figured it was of a sexual nature.

He can’t force her to something she does not want to. Obviously he nor any other guy at this time is worth her going back on what she now believes and wants. That’s her right.

If it’s that important to him why don’t he just marry her, then he could get it. And again obviously he doesn’t care enough about her or it to marry her.

Not in a manipulative way, but if that’s her belief and he cares enough, he should be willing to make it right.

Sex should not be used as a tool of manipulation, but its rightful place is within the marriage.

Tell your friend to stop asking her to go to lengths he himself is not willing to go.

It’s been two years, why he is still trying to “break” her?

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 6th, 2009
1:35 pm

@Downtown Heffa

Excellent point! I forgot that part….The movies and books, (Tyler Perry, Zane, etc) has dictated to people a cookie-cutter version of what happiness should be and if people dont have it they get mad!

Dream_n

November 6th, 2009
1:36 pm

Unrealistic expectations ???

like?

M. (pronounced M dot)

November 6th, 2009
1:39 pm

@Raqi

Good points but also if he is not happy he can easily opt out also tactfully. He doesnt have to pressure her or anything but also he doesnt have to get settle and get married just to close the deal. Marriage shouldnt be taken that lightly I dont think.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 6th, 2009
1:42 pm

They have NEVER closed the deal but have done everything else. This has been torturing him for 2 years! This is a grown woman. I would rather have nothing if I were him than to be TEASED.

Wow :shock: is that loyalty or just plain crazy?

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
1:43 pm

Mdot Seriously, you, him or whomever needs to move on.

One of two things will likely happen if she gives in. She will hate and resent him afterwards which will probably lead to the demise of the relationship. Or once he gets it he will no longer be interested because it seems to have become a challenge for him.

Why date someone for two years void of physical intimacy and not marry them? It’s futile to date that long under those circumstances and it leads no higher grounds.

Melo

November 6th, 2009
1:43 pm

My friend has a great relationship except in 1 area

if she wont go dwn on him,sooner or later he will find smebody who will and that may end it for them….

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
1:49 pm

You are right Mdot it shouldn’t. But if he wants her that bad then it’s a small price to pay. The only people that I know that are holding on to the goods that are in relationships are the ones that want to wait until they are married to have relations with their spouse.

Forget what they did in the past. If it’s their desire to want more from a relationship and not just spread the love, they have that right.

No one can be or should be judged for their beliefs whether they are new found or from jump.

Cut her loose and move on.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 6th, 2009
1:50 pm

Raqi – Im thinking b/c they “did everything else” he felt like he would eventually get it. I still dont get why he stayed 2 yrs but that is just MHO. Something is missing here….

Kym

November 6th, 2009
1:52 pm

Okay what is really going on office shoot in Orlando..17 wounded 2 dead and the shooter is on the loose. Did we not just do this yesterday? What the hell? What the hell?

Kym

November 6th, 2009
1:52 pm

sorry office shooting

SexyCool - Cruising.

November 6th, 2009
1:53 pm

Um, yeah. At this point, dude should know whether or not he wants to marry her. It appears that he doesn’t. They should let each other get on with their lives.

Raqi

November 6th, 2009
1:54 pm

Yeah Mo, two years is a long to stay with someone under those conditions and it’s not to marry.

Why he is still there? What are his motives?

I personally would think after all that time it is to break her. He possibly has an agenda.

Melo

November 6th, 2009
1:54 pm

Mdot??

he shld make himself happy be4 he waits and marries this woman.Otherwise hes gonna be dissappointed.This is the exact reason why pple divorce,wrong and high expectations that neva pan out.
If he wants that stuff now and isnt getting it,hes undermining himself and when he gets married,that woman is gonna go that route when she needs smething outta him.
Thats a pantsy move!

SexyCool - Cruising.

November 6th, 2009
1:56 pm

And yeah, I, too, would be suspicious of his motives at this point. Especially since er’thang else is so great.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 6th, 2009
1:59 pm

Man that dude like that chick and she treats him nice otherwise. He’ll end up marrying her and soon.. A total sucker move because she should feel he’s an equally good catch. Be honest with her and let her know..

Her – Baby Im celibate
Him – Im not and i like to have sex.