accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Sex, Food & Silence

Whenever I talk with men, whether they are in a relationship or single, they generally stick to the whole “men are simple” concept.  Women often over analyze what men really want and try to make it more complicated.  Ultimately, a man is happy when he is satisfied.

I think it is great that these three “little” things are all men think they need, but what else is there? Pardon my confusion, but if it is really that simple to keep a man happy, why do so many women find it hard to handle?

Is it possible that a lot more is needed and men don’t know how to communicate it to us because they don’t want to come across too needy? It’s ok to need a women and tell  her, isn’t?

Ladies, in your experience, does the trifecta of male happiness always work? Do you find that men need you  in other ways? How do they let you know? If they don’t come out and tell you what they need and want, what other ways do you realize it?

Guys, why does it seem to be like pulling teeth to get you to express your desires? We know you like great sex, good food, and a peaceful home, but does it end there? Why do you always push the “we are simple” agenda but have a hard time going beyond that?

Obviously, women require a lot more maintenance then these 3 things (although, I kind of dig them myself!), do you think women should find ways to express what makes them happy in a less nagging way? Is that what makes it difficult for you to meet some of our needs in a relationship? Do we ask for too much or just go about it the wrong way?

281 comments Add your comment

Cemeeli

November 3rd, 2009
9:03 am

Morning…

nah…”needy” on a man is really not a good look.

I will always be there to support, love, and encourage him…but keep it simple…

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

November 3rd, 2009
9:21 am

Mornting y’all.

I think there is a fine line between communicating needs and coming across as needy…I also think it’s a matter of listening to what a man says and sometimes on what he isn’t saying in relation to his wants,needs and desires. But an overall needy man is exhausting and a no-go.

Professor

November 3rd, 2009
9:30 am

Hola,

I do not buy in to that men only need these three things, because we see them needing the remote control, the TV, sports, cars etc. At the end of the day I think most of us are complicated with needs we are so accustomed to that we fail to list them, yet we become disappointed when our mates fail to meet those “imaginary” needs.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
9:37 am

Good morning.

At the top of any man’s list is RESPECT, then chicken wings, sex, cold beer and more sex. (J/K)!

Cemeeli

November 3rd, 2009
9:37 am

i posted first?!…Holla at cha girl Swiss.

…oh! – ppl are @ the polls voting i guess…

Observing a person and understanding their modus operandi, most times you’ll know when to help and when to sit and chill…what a person doesn’t say, says alot.

Cemeeli

November 3rd, 2009
9:39 am

@ Leggs – You are funny! but so true. lol :)

Dream_n-- 1 down 4 to go

November 3rd, 2009
9:41 am

GM All,

There is so much more that a man needs…

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 3rd, 2009
9:41 am

I’ve learned that typically if what a man says he needs isn’t in line with what a woman THINKS he should need, he’s called needy, whiny, etc. That’s why men promote the trifecta of simplicity.

SexyCool - Are you? Yes, I am.

November 3rd, 2009
9:43 am

Three Words Daily – Search for positivity.

SexyCool - Are you? Yes, I am.

November 3rd, 2009
9:45 am

I don’t profess to know what a man needs. I do know however what I can provide consistently. Love, support, patience, partnership, nurturing, loving and laughter.

The trick for me has been to line up a man who needs what I have to offer and gives me what I need in return. This really is a two way street.

Hawk Str8Talk

November 3rd, 2009
9:47 am

I think those 3 things are what you would call general universals. Meaning – most men can get by with those things as a baseline, then you add the spices that make a relationship uniquely your own, so no – that’s not all we want. That’s what we can say universally. I’ve never heard men I’m close with say they want the same things and in the same quantities. I have seen men say – you can’t go wrong in the providing us happiness category by giving us great sex, great food, and shutting up. So, I don’t think men have a problem saying what we want if asked directly. I think the problem arises when you want us to think and speak creatively about our needs. We aren’t good at coming out and directly expressing emotional or abstract needs, but we’re great at saying what tangible things we need from women (i.e. a man can say ‘I want to watch the game’ and not say ‘I really need you to touch me to make me feel special’). I think women are the reverse – they can tell you that they want a provider or an emotional connection, but can’t say – hey, I want my man to pay the bills (as a way of saying ‘be the provider’). A man can understand pay the bills, but probably doesn’t know what you mean by ‘I want a provider’ in tangible terms until you spell it out.

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
9:47 am

Wise, it may just be that simple. I think where the problems lies is that they feel like they need these things from multiple women. Or, Keisha puts more peanut butter on the bread than Lisa. And, Tisa is quiet for longer than Nia. But the way Shelly bounces up and down is faster than the way Monica does it…

…but if it is really that simple to keep a man happy, why do so many women find it hard to handle? Because it’s not that simple.

And besides, I thought the saying was “Happy wife, happy life”

i'm swiss

November 3rd, 2009
9:54 am

You go, Cee! Feels good, doesn’t it? ;-)

Leggs — Ding ding ding! You nailed it. No need for further discussion.

On topic: Okay, let me see. How can I put this so that it’s easy to understand…? Men push the “we are simple” idea because — wait for it — we are simple. All those times that we’re sitting quietly & you ask us what we’re thinking & we say, “nothing…” — You know what we’re really thinking? NOTHING. :lol: Honestly. We’re not that complex. Treat us with respect, give us some good loving, let us have some peace & quiet & maybe make us a sandwich every now & then if you’re feeling generous. I promise you, if you do those things consistently, we will be perfectly happy:lol:

abc

November 3rd, 2009
9:56 am

It’s the silence part that most chicks will have a problem with. Being creatures that create the illusion of what they wish to appear to be, they can’t leave a man alone that just simply is what he is. They won’t accept that that’s all there is to him.

Men don’t go into great detail about their needs because most men satisfy them on their own. Professional gratification and career success is not reliant upon anyone else, but a chick can throw a wrench into it when she demands more time than one’s career can easily allow. Golf on weekend mornings becomes an irritation to her because it takes away from what she views as her time, even though she has a women’s breakfast at the same time. It all piles up, and creates a woman that feels like her needs aren’t being met.

That’s when the man loses interest. Sex, great; food, great; fun times, common interests, great; but no peace. It’s when no matter what he does, she gets mad, that the man will first stop talking to her, soon to bail out altogether.

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 3rd, 2009
9:59 am

Hawk makes a good point.

More often than not, men are not going to verbalize “needs” like that, in an effort to not appear whiny.

By the same token, learning your potential mate is as important as anything else. Because figuring out those spoken and unspoken needs is critical to making things move forward.

@404

It’s that kinda thinking that keep a lot of people (men and women) single.

SC hit it on the head: it’s a two way street.

SexyCool - Are you? Yes, I am.

November 3rd, 2009
10:06 am

Dan – Stop fighting. Just let it come. Be water.

Dream_n-- 1 down 4 to go

November 3rd, 2009
10:11 am

I understand that most women (not all) are nuturing, verbal, emotional and all the other “womanly” adjectives that we are described as…

My question for the guyz is…. Is your inability to let your emotions go something learned, taught, or is it natural for you also…..

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:11 am

@Dan – which part of what I said keeps people single?

Adding… it sounds so cliche but, if a man is not happy with himself, all the sex, silence and sandwiches in the world aren’t going to keep him content. And, that goes for women as well.

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
10:13 am

A man can understand pay the bills, but probably doesn’t know what you mean by ‘I want a provider’ in tangible terms until you spell it out.

- THIS HERE IS GOLDEN LADIES….

AND ABC YOU HIT IT ON THE HEAD THAT WHOLE POST IS ON POINT

Being creatures that create the illusion of what they wish to appear to be, they can’t leave a man alone that just simply is what he is. They won’t accept that that’s all there is to him.

-So true i was just speaking on this to a close female friend of mine yesterday on this very thought…

Men don’t go into great detail about their needs because most men satisfy them on their own.

- True

I really could comment on your whole post..that was the bizness…

whats up fools how as the place been in my absense…i see some folks have dropped off

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
10:14 am

@iampeach….still waiting for you to email me dwilliams2022@hotmail.com!

The Truth-Somewhere in the desert playing

November 3rd, 2009
10:16 am

Morning good people of blogsville.

Wise, assuming a guy cares for a woman thats all there is to it. No surprises, just chill and lets watch some Monday Night Football, i mean oxygen channel. There are usually 2 problems with this scenario. 1) Alot of times guys dont really care for the woman they’re dating. I mean on a simple level, sex, they do but the chick just isnt going to make the final cut. Too many wants and not enough in the deal for the dude. For this chick its not simple. 2) More times than not, and lets be honest here, the woman has so many wants and needs that the thing cannot be simple. The guy cant enjoy the chick for her ever growing list of demands. Its not that the guy isnt simple, because we are, but that the woman complicates the whole thing.

I recently had a friend ask me to explain to her my feelings and the only thing I could come up with was I was pissed she asked. I don’t want to talk about, or may not even have, enough feelings to want to talk about them, Want to help me, hand me the remote.

This is modern dating. Dudes trying to exist on an emotional level to make a woman happy. Thats a losing battle. If I had feelings I’d share them with you but most of the time i do its in the form of a grunt. Maybe I’m a caveman. LOL

Last point: Most of my adult life I’ve been in relationships. I know,sounds strange huh?I calculated 19 out of 24 years at one point including 8 years with my ex wife and then 3 weeks after our separation I dated another chick for 3 years. My point is life sure is alot simpler without a chick. I mean I love you all but dam, cut out the madness and enjoy life. Here’s my suggestion. Take your list of wants and needs, yeah, that whole scroll, and trim them down to 3 that are the most important. I’ll bet finding a mate that can help with 3 wants is a whole lot easier than the 100+ that currently occupy your mind. Then you’ll be just like us, simple as hell. LMAO

On another note, my male dog got his championship. He’s officially Champion ShowStoppers Iron Mike aka Tysun CGC, ATT, Cal I,II,III, Tan, GDT, All that means he’s a bad dog and looks good too. LOL

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:18 am

@Dream – i know you asked the guys but if you don’t mind… i think it’s more inherit than we think. And the only reason I say this is because I have a son. And I notice characteristics in him that i’ve never really “taught” him – one in particular is his ability to let things go. If you’ve ever been in a situation with a man and things were heated, talked about and then “settled”, sometimes it’s hard to believe that they actually get over it and move on b/c we might still be brewing inside. I see that in my kid. He’ll get in trouble or yelled at about something or he knows im mad with him or he may be mad with me… chile, 5 minutes later he has moved on.

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 3rd, 2009
10:23 am

@404

“Happy wife, happy home”

You gotta get to BE the wife first.

And all that is so eloquently stated between Truth’s and abc’s posts that I need not say more – except stop trying to make the (wo)man you want and find what you want in the (wo)man you got.

That’s how folks be DTM and single.

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
10:23 am

congrats truth!

Anotha Brotha

November 3rd, 2009
10:25 am

Hmmm I can’t co-sign with the “men are simple” line…especially when it comes from a man! Last I heard, calling someone “simple” was a vicious insult- and fellas wonder why women have so much contempt in their hearts for you! Men who are about success and different interests are plenty complex-and they require much from a companion. Methinks this is an enabler for women to not improve themselves…because, well, since most men are so rooty-poot that as long as she’s shutting up, laying on her back and in the kitchen that he’ll be content. How raggedy is that??? And now that I think on it…this is poor leadership by men to keep co-signing.

Require more from these women guys :)

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
10:26 am

except stop trying to make the (wo)man you want and find what you want in the (wo)man you got.

- bull ish!!!!!

remedy this by being the best person you can be to attract the women you want…..that frame of thinking is called “settling” and no man/woman should do that – problem is folks do the same thing expecting different results…meaning you not going to find your dime in the trash..feel me

Dream_n-- 1 down 4 to go

November 3rd, 2009
10:29 am

And now that I think on it…this is poor leadership by men to keep co-signing.

This made me chuckle!! lol

It’s hard for me to believe that men can’t verbalize how they feel or what they need..

“A man can understand pay the bills, but probably doesn’t know what you mean by ‘I want a provider’ in tangible terms until you spell it out.”

I refuse to believe that you guys are that “dumb”…

thanx ImAPeach :)

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:29 am

@Rell… *crickets*

Alot of times guys dont really care for the woman they’re dating.

@Truth – tis true! very, very true…

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
10:32 am

@dream…we are not dumb and niether are you – say what you mean…is that hard..lol

@peach…cool…but i asked anyway knowing full well you would take the chance to do something like…lol..stay hidden love

@ab..good point

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
10:34 am

This may be a first (perhaps a second), but I agree with you, abc! Great post.

Congrats, Truth! Know you love your dogs, train them well, and have put them in excellent hands to care until your return.

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:38 am

@Dan – oh, ok. It was more of the idea I was getting at than the literal meaning. And… I was being facetious :)

@Dream – in an effort not the be stink, I refrained from pointing out that Hawks post @ 9:47 could be whittled down to 3 words: Men are dumb. Thank you for saying it instead :)

Last I heard, calling someone “simple” was a vicious insult

@Another – tis true brotha.

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 3rd, 2009
10:38 am

@AB

Um, really?

Expect more – like what? That’s an incomplete thought if I’ve ever heard one.

As for leadership, there are far too many theory’s to really debate the point.

@Rell

It’s not “settling” at all. Think about it this way. A rainy day is still a great one because you’re alive, you can feel the rain, and you have means and ability to avoid the rain should you choose or not.

It’s not “settling”, it’s finding contentment in any situation.

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:40 am

winking at Rell

Anotha Brotha

November 3rd, 2009
10:42 am

@ Dan don’t make me do another list…I’m brutal :)

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
10:44 am

@ImAPeach/Dream_n ~ watching my brothers and being around men most of my life, I believe it’s inherent. It’s not a trained behavior. Men are very casual, nonchalant creatures that can give a phuck about nothing in a heartbeat. I don’t think they’re hiding feelings. The ones that they have are basic in nature and easily identifiable once you fall in “deep like” with him. If you can accept all you see then you can fall in love and will be able to deciper his unspoken language much easier.

Respect, food, sex, clean home, peaceful home, clean clothes and space (time with the fella or alone). He’s happy!

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
10:47 am

Not “fella” but “fellaS” Cuz if he needed time with just the “fella” then you have another problem on your hands!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 3rd, 2009
10:48 am

Most women are so busy trying to be heard that they fail to listen.. Dudes tell you whats going on in on way or another.

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 3rd, 2009
10:49 am

@AB

I’m not asking for a list. I’m simply asking you to complete your thought.

From the commentary, most of us (and Leggs) really seem to be in agreement that basic isht is what a man “needs” really wants in a Maslov sense. If you’re a different kinda dude, please expound, is all I’m saying.

ImAPeach404

November 3rd, 2009
10:49 am

my fren-fren is very expressive about what he wants/needs. of course, i like it and find it’s very enchanting. he likes to talk things through and he openly communicates. it’s refreshing and has helped us through a few rough patches.

you men folk should try it sometime…

The Truth-Somewhere in the desert playing

November 3rd, 2009
10:50 am

Anotha, chicks have contempt in their heart because cats cant hold down the fort, aka pay the bills. Your desire to go out and conquer the world has nothing to do with wanting to come home to peace. When you cant even walk in the house and chill ish is fugged up. In the end we are simple, not like in stupid but the formula to make us happy isnt hard, unlike other folks. I agree with the expecting more from chicks though. Thing is most cats cant ask for more because they cant handle their end of the bargain.

404, thats a great observation. It happened, we said/did what we did and now its over. Holding on to old stuff gives you gas. LOL Btw, any dude living for a woman to be happy is on an emotional roller coaster going nowhere. I go with the lion theory. If the alpha lion isnt happy everyone dies, LOL

Thanks Rell and Leggs, I’m as proud as any parent. LOL

Professor

November 3rd, 2009
10:50 am

I know everyone remembers that “Mars and Venus” book. Men are women were made to compliment each other not be each other. In order to have a tiny weenie amount of harmony you have to learn how to dance within the other person’s space. Once you learn communicating styles and reasonable expectations you will not only teach your SO how to communicate with you, but how to treat you as well.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
10:54 am

If the alpha lion isnt happy everyone dies, LOL This definitely is Truth’s mantra. If I knew how to do needlepoint, I stitch it on a tee-shirt and send to you.

i'm swiss

November 3rd, 2009
10:55 am

“My question for the guyz is…. Is your inability to let your emotions go something learned, taught, or is it natural for you also…..”

Okay… let’s be real for a minute. Our inability to let our emotions go? Careful what you’re asking for. There’s not a single woman in this place that really wants a guy who lets his emotions go. If you had that guy, you would call him a punk b!tch & keep it moving quickly (and rightly so). Men aren’t supposed to let their emotions go. We’re supposed to be the strong, stoic, calming force. That’s how we’re raised (if we’re raised properly) and that’s how we try to conduct ourselves.

Professor

November 3rd, 2009
11:00 am

I am going to piggy back off Dream

When is it ok for a guy to let his emotions go…divorce, illness, child birth etc.? Are you guys afraid that we will no longer see you as being strong if you show more emotions?

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 3rd, 2009
11:01 am

See thats where it gets twisted.. Women want dudes to be in touch with their feminie side.. Well I for one dont have a feminine side and ain trying to get in touch with it.. Men are Men and shouldnt be acting like women..

Leggs

November 3rd, 2009
11:02 am

What I find somewhat comical is when women talk about their man’s inability to cry (show emotion) in front of them, and then when he does she’s looking all around cuz she doesn’t know what to do. Of course, not all women, but I’ve seen some act like a deer in headlights when their man cried. Like i’m swiss stated: They’re “supposed to be the strong, stoic, calming force. That’s how [they're] raised.” Some women are very startled when they see something other than that!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 3rd, 2009
11:04 am

Stop asking us to be like ya’ll we aint wired like that.. That ish aint even natural for a dude to be crying and ish.. When a dude gets emotional he deals with it how he deals with it and if he aint crying then so be it.. Let a dude have his dignity.. Ya’ll keep wanting a dude to surrender his dignity in order to be more acceptable in a womans eys..

Rell - da rake

November 3rd, 2009
11:05 am

Mars and Venus” book.

- That book was for simp brothers and big chicks…that ish stinks in that book period

Dream_n-- 1 down 4 to go

November 3rd, 2009
11:07 am

Okay… Let me put it in simple terms…

I’m not looking for a guy to put on high heels, red lipstick, or stockings, nor am I looking for a man to cry over everything, I am also not loking for a guy to complain or yap in my ear about every little thing…..

But I do want a man that needs more than some chicken wings, a beer, an outing out with the fella(s), and silence… WTF??

I want a guy to openly express his feelings to me.. and I’m not talking about your jump off/booty call… I’m talking about expressing your feelings to your WOMAN. Talking about your problems and coming up with a productive solution… If you had a bad day, come talk to me about, let me listen, let me provide productive advise to help you out….. Would you rather me bring you a plate of food and turn the game on????? Is that the simple you’re talking about????

Dan -fighting for (inner) peace

November 3rd, 2009
11:08 am

I’m saying that for the most part, an “emotional” dude is a dangerous one.

All that “extra” emotional mess (jealousy, hurt, etc) expresses itself, typically in men as anger. And dude’s hit things when they can’t control their repsonses to “extra” emotions.