accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Chokin’ Kind

The other day I saw a music video of singer Joss Stone entitled The Chokin’ Kind. The song kind of haunted me a little because it reminded me of the pain of a past relationship.

I only meant to love you
Didn’t you know it babe
Why couldn’t you be content
With the love I gave
I gave you my heart
But you wanted my mind
Your love scares me to death
Oh it’s the chokin kind
That’s all it is.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I didn’t want the month to end without discussing it here.  I believe much of the abusive behavior of a relationship arises in the early dating stages. Most people won’t punch their date or verbally attack someone they’ve only just met, but there are red flags. I think it starts with control issues and escalates from there. We often disregard things that we shouldn’t. What are other red flags?  How do you avoid dating an abusive person?

Would you date someone who had been abusive in a past relationship?

Have you ever dated someone whose behavior was suffocating? When did you notice it? How do you handle it?

I wanted to share a few statistics from the Domestic Awareness Project:

1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.

Three women are killed by a current or former intimate partner each day in America, on average.

Over 22 percent of women and 7.4 percent of men surveyed, reported being physically assaulted by a current or former partner in their lifetime.

It’s staggering looking at the numbers, but behind these statistics are real people, who have experienced painful abuse. What more can be done to raise awareness?

Do you think that men should do more to end violence against women? In a call to men, the Domestic Violence Awareness project listed the first thing men can do: Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance, and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women. What are your thoughts?

250 comments Add your comment

czBrat

October 29th, 2009
2:55 pm

SexyCool i tried to ignore the first one but now he’s got me cryin!

Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue

October 29th, 2009
2:58 pm

For Real – I say this at least once a week, but you are a certified nutcase!! :lol: :lol:

SCool – You and YND will have to endure a little beef going on. BFF’s dude is a huge Saints fan. We’ve been fighting on FB so it will be interesting.

czBrat

October 29th, 2009
3:00 pm

Not to mention my brothers couldn’t stand any dude cut from the abusive cloth

Ms. Main i remember just once early in the marriage the hubbs and i had a simple argument (not abuse at that point). when i cried about it to my brothers one said “i carry a weapon. i know how to manipulate a crime scene. give me 12 hours notice and i’ll take care of it”. the other said “i’ve already done time for one murder, i’ll gladly go back for this one.” after that i NEVER spoke of my DV problems again. not until the marriage was over. it’s not that they didn’t have my back but that is NOT a situation i wanted to put ANYONE in (hubbs or brothers).

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:01 pm

Taz – Just had a co-worker in my office talkin’ about them Aints.

And I do believe MND is heavy on them too. He keeps chanting “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat trying to mess with them Saints?” (eye rolling)

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:05 pm

czBrat

I have to co-sign on that 3:00… some men in my family are not wrapped too tight. I wasn’t at the point where I was ready to leave, so for them beating the living dlights out of this man and then the possibilit of them going to jail, then for me to be back with him was a recipe for disaster.

Ms. Main....popping in for a second

October 29th, 2009
3:06 pm

CZBrat – after that i NEVER spoke of my DV problems again. not until the marriage was over. it’s not that they didn’t have my back but that is NOT a situation i wanted to put ANYONE in (hubbs or brothers).

Oh, believe me I agree with your take because them knowing and wanting to jump in on your behalf only createa a worse situation. They had our backs but honestly….neither of us (the girls) didn’t really have situations we couldn’t handle. But they weren’t ever shy in making it known if we needed them they’d be there.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:06 pm

Oh, almost forgot – from DasK:

“I know you are not planning to, but DO NOT miss THIS IS IT. I went last night, not because I HAD to be on the first night, but because when I saw the only preview I have seen for it, about a month ago,
it said it was going to be out ONE DAY only, and I have had my ticket for three weeks. However, seems it will be out for two weeks. and while I expected it to be SOLD_OUT, there were probably 50 people in the cinema.

Last night saw one of the finest things I have ever seen on the big screen, Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT. shows so much of what goes into that kind of show “This is why we rehearse”(MJ).

from picking about 12 dancers from a field of 300-400, him trying to get the dancers in groove with him, what he wants from them, to what he wants from individual instrument players(sound-wise), to all the special affects for that kind of GrandShow, and a great/hot/female guitarist. An absolutely Fantastic experience.”

For Real

October 29th, 2009
3:07 pm

Ms. Main: “They ALWAYS had me and my sisters back” – Is your last name Jenkins (pronounced Jankins as in “there goes dem Jankins Boys”)

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:07 pm

BTW~~~ Hi Ms. Main.. you and Proffesor have been M.I.A today… I need my daily outburst!!!!

Ms. Main....popping in for a second

October 29th, 2009
3:09 pm

CZBrat – I’m a hot head but I’m not the worst one of us. That’s one thing I can say too….my dad and mom didn’t always agree but he was NEVER abusive. He’d leave sometimes to cool off but that was the extent of it. Saw groves of chicks my brothers dated and never say anyting there. Game playing and jedi mind tricks yeah but never phyical or verbal abuse.

Ms. Main....popping in for a second

October 29th, 2009
3:11 pm

For Real – naw last name not Jenkins, pronounced Jankins….lol

Dream_n…nose to the grind girlie…about to hop on my spreadsheet now
heck I need a laugh myself today…:(

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:14 pm

SexyCool

Do you have another one of those jokes you can lighten the mood with….

but make sure I can understand it first lol

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:17 pm

For Dream’n:

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly “Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t.”

“The oldest one’s 9 and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,” replied the greeter. “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.”

“Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

Wise Diva

October 29th, 2009
3:18 pm

I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to comment on the topic. You guys don’t know how many people read the blog and learn so much from your experiences. I am sure today has been helpful to someone! I will probably get an email about it!

DeMarcus, you have no proof of that, I categorically deny all chocking allegations!

czBrat

October 29th, 2009
3:18 pm

Dream_n and Leggs i think the one thing we all know we had was that support system. ultimately, that’s what reminds you of your true worth and gives you the strength to do what’s right for YOU.

Kym

October 29th, 2009
3:19 pm

Has anyone seen Cee? I wanted to tell her about our experience at the State Fair.

Wise Diva

October 29th, 2009
3:21 pm

and Domestic Violence is not supposed to make us comfortable, EVER. So if anyone missed the light-hearted tone of the blog that we usually have, it’s worth it to address something important. Hope that you agree! Since tomorrow is Friday, we can make it fun again :)

Mo (aka Moeisha, today is my friday)

October 29th, 2009
3:22 pm

For Real – you are a fool!! LMAO!! I can barely get this work done for laughing at you

For Real

October 29th, 2009
3:22 pm

Dude: Hey dare sexy mamma.

Wise: Hey yo-self..

Dude: Whatch yo name is.

Wise: Wise! But my friend call me “Quik”!

Dude: Quik?

Wise: Yeah cause I’m Quik to choke a figure

Dude: Umm yeah, I gotta pee!!

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

October 29th, 2009
3:22 pm

I can only say wow to some of the stories….I’m sooo glad I’m a hot head (sometimes). It may seem like an ignorant statement given the circumstances and stories told but I have NEVER been one for taking crap…especially from men.

It doesn’t seem ignorant Ms.Main b/c I’m like that too, and and actually made me ponder something else I heard growing up and even now as an adult….it’s the old addage that “A man will only do what you let him do to you” and “A man will try a woman who he thinks will let him get away with it”. I get asked often why I look so serious and I know that comes across with people. After that one incident in 1995 I have yet to even be slightly approached the wrong way by a man with regards to violence…..it’s that kickassedness behavior/demeanor I reckon.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:23 pm

Kym – I knew there was something I wanted to talk about today….

The FaceBook Fight at the school – whatdahell?

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:25 pm

SexyCool…lol.. thank you I needed that…. :)

czBrat

October 29th, 2009
3:26 pm

SMDH @ the FB fight. that was just ridiculous.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:26 pm

From a NY Times article on the Barack’s marriage; “Before Michelle, Barack had brought only one woman to Hawaii to meet his family, according to his younger half-sister, Maya Soetoro.”

I bet that chick somewhere and her friends are like, “Btch, you know you f* up, right?” Shout out to Special K from the Rickey Smiley Show on that one. LMAO!

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:30 pm

Sassy

A man will only do what you let him do to you”

Very true in relation to this topic…

Beautiful

October 29th, 2009
3:30 pm

happy anniversary RAQI! and many many more.

i’m scared of a man who has been violent in his past relationships. i would be nervous to disagree with him or pick a fight. nope, can’t do it.

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:30 pm

@Wise ~ I commend you for having this subject as our blog topic. Yes it’s a heavy topic but life is heavy. Can’t alway be smiling (although I do try). There are a lot of walking wounded amongst us.

No matter what happens I hope every man, woman, boy and girl realizes their “self worth” and not rely on some man or woman (other than family) to define it for them! Those of you hurting out there, stand strong. If you need to get out but are afraid and just can’t get out at the moment just know when the time is right for you YOU WILL KNOW IT and nothing will stop you!

Passing the mike….

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:30 pm

Off Topic:

Is anyone dressing up at work tomorrow???

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:32 pm

“…or pick a fight” That a major problem right there. Women need to stop picking fights!!!!

Beautiful

October 29th, 2009
3:32 pm

did y’all watch Kandi last night on the Mo Show? it was really good.

*singin’* i fly above all da haters . . .

Beautiful

October 29th, 2009
3:34 pm

@Leggs
why you gotta nut all the time? smh.

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:35 pm

I was going as a black Marie Antionette, but my wallet had other plans. So, now I’m going as Dianna Ross. Just have to buy some fake eyelashes (which I hate and don’t even know how to apply).

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:36 pm

Because your nutty arse says stupid shyt. That’s why! Anything else you want to know????

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:37 pm

Stepping to the mike.

If you could see how deeply your jabs pierce my soul,
Would you think twice?
Or is your heart that cold?

If I could magnify with sound the pain in my heart,
Would take responsibility
for what you did from the start?

You trampled upon me verbally and physically.
You made me your punching bag.
Is this what you think I was created to be?

You forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
But you dismissed the wonderful
and on the fear you’d trade.

I mistook your anger for passion and it made weak,
But I’m stronger now
And it’s justice I seek.

You didn’t kill me. You made me strong.
But still I will carry the scars
My entire life long.

I will hurt no more. No more tears, no more lies.
And like Maya says,
Still I rise.

dropping the mike…..:)

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

October 29th, 2009
3:37 pm

Dream I believe that,too. I know my temper can be an issue so I try to pick my battles but my “Inner Ike” is always on stand-by.

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:39 pm

And we all need to “nut up” when it comes to this topic instead of playing dead and acting ignorant!

Beautiful

October 29th, 2009
3:39 pm

@Leggs
i say stupid shiit. really? ok. i gotchu you. you betta be glad i dont have time to blast yo azz on here.

ttyl

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:41 pm

BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO!!!

Raqi...Awaiting Private Practice

October 29th, 2009
3:41 pm

Would it technically be called Domestic Violence/Assault/Aggravation if a person is aggressively teasing someone to the point of being tackled in their dream? I don’t know what I am doing to him put he has a said “Stop it ‘raqi’ “ and “alright, keep playing” with a smile on his face.

I think he shouldn’t take Nyquil anymore. LOL

Raqi...Awaiting Private Practice

October 29th, 2009
3:43 pm

Women need to stop picking fights!!!!

Leggs I live by those famous words, “Don’t start what you can’t finish”.

Mo (aka Moeisha, today is my friday)

October 29th, 2009
3:44 pm

SCool – I saw that article about the FB fight! WTH?!?!? Crazy!!

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:44 pm

Luvs it SexyCool!!

Leggs: I like that Diana Ross idea!
Definately have fun with it…

Inner Ike.. lmao Sassy

czBrat

October 29th, 2009
3:44 pm

Leggs if you don’t know how to properly apply the lashes, your finished look should be quite accurate. have fun!

Raqi...Awaiting Private Practice

October 29th, 2009
3:45 pm

That’s very good SexyCool.

Dream_n

October 29th, 2009
3:46 pm

Even when picking fights…. it’s never okay for a man to hit a woman.

but I do agree if we would consider the words coming out of our mouth, the world would be a better place

Kym

October 29th, 2009
3:46 pm

@Sexy..Those are your cousins over there in Clayton Co fighing in front of the children and love letter on Facebook? Foolishness!!!!

Raqi...Awaiting Private Practice

October 29th, 2009
3:48 pm

LMBO at Leggs.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 2days...

October 29th, 2009
3:49 pm

I told ManMan not to be messin’ with them chicks. They is both crazy.

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:52 pm

That is funny, czB. I got your drift!

Leggs

October 29th, 2009
3:54 pm

IntheKnow, do you feel like coming back to the mike….