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Small Gesture, Big Return

One of the things I dislike about being single and unattached is the lack of romance.  Guys can be very light on the romance in the beginning! Especially when they are trying to figure out if you aren’t a gold digger, floozie, or some awful puppy-kicking person.

When the romantic gestures finally arrive, in whatever shape, form, or fashion, I’m ready for it.  I don’t think romance is always like the romance novels or movie love kind of romance.  I have always found that the little things you do or say can offer the biggest romantic returns.

My most romantic moments would probably not even measure high on anyone’s Romantic Richter scale.  To me, however, I really felt something and was moved, and in some instances, shaken!

I always find it really interesting how differently men and women can view romance, though. So, let’s try a little experiment:

List at least five romantic things you want to do for the person you are dating now. If you aren’t seeing anyone, imagine what you would do if you met someone you felt really connected to.

Then list five romantic gestures that you would want done for you.

Ladies, let the men know what their romantic gesture would measure on the Romance Richter scale.

Guys, let us know the same. Do you think women have a hard time romancing you? Could it be that we just don’t know what romance is your book? Do you even need romance when you are dating?

Do you think that your romantic gestures would be well-received? Will the person be able to tell that it was a romantic gesture? Does it count if they don’t?

I am curious to see if we sometimes miss the small gestures of romance because we view romance so differently!

Happy Wednesday!

276 comments Add your comment

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:36 am

@Professor – That sounds really nice!!! I love to write but im not good at saving things, lol. I appreciate your comment and letting me know it was well accepted. It takes time to do stuff like that and I’d hate to think dudes could care less, lol.

It seems like a lot of women here just want a maintenance man…

Yea M. and yall looking for a momma

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
10:36 am

ImAPeach

I think that idea is absolutely grand… I know I would love for a guy to hold on to special momentos or write things about us in a journal… and then to present it to me with all its thoughtfulness and preparation.. I’d be knocked right off my heels!!!

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
10:40 am

Mdot no woman that really appreciates her man is looking for a maintenance man. Just know that the things you all do or can do to make our lives little less hectic and a lot more comfortable counts for a lot.

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
10:40 am

@ImAPeach404

Yea M. and yall looking for a momma

LOL that’s funny…What was the second sentence in my first post:

I also personally am VERY particular about whose cooking I eat.

I am definately not looking for a momma as you put it ;) Already got that.

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:45 am

@Raqi – I like what you said about sending flowers vs. planting/picking. Tis true but for the gal whom doesn’t have a man who follows the “text book”… receiving flowers can be a big deal.

@M. – thanks for the tip!

@cz – the older I get, the more pop up! I actually had about 40-50 of them removed earlier this year but the Dermatologist told me that the larger/darker ones are not so easily removed on AA skin w/out concern for scaring.
We’ve been together about 4 months and yesterday was the first time he ever saw them which means I probably make a bigger deal out of them than anybody else.
He said “God decided you were so beautiful that he sprinkled your face with beauty marks” that was kind of romantic now that I think of it….awwww!

@AtlantaG – yes, I do include my thoughts… the good the bad AND the ugly!

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:46 am

I am really surprised that so many women view Detailing the car as Romantic!!! Who would have known???? =)

Overly Simple i think the universal message here is that we deeply appreciate when you take care of the things we really don’t like doing. you may not like doing it either, but that fact that you will (for us) is what makes it so romantic.

flowers, cards, candy, poetry … that’s all wonderful too, but when my man starts doing things that he knows are special TO ME and not just textbook romance, that’s when he’s really winning me over.

Downtown Heffa

October 28th, 2009
10:46 am

Wise Diva,
Relax and let love take its course. A male friend of mine told me something over 15 years ago, that remained with me throughout my dating days. He said that a man could smell a desperate woman. I believe this is true. When ladies meet men, they’re already sizing them up in term of looks, character, career, and material things. It’s as if we’re completing this mental checklist while we are conversing with these guys. You’re right; you don’t want trash or a loser. However, you may want to relax, have fun during your date, and if it doesn’t work out, thank God you escaped a possible dead-end relationship.

Blue_Kolla

October 28th, 2009
10:49 am

I’ve never thought of myself as the romantic type, but from reading the responses, I guess I just might be. And here I was, thinking that all of these things were what you did for a person that you cared about.

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:49 am

@Dream – Thank you :)

Just know that the things you all do or can do to make our lives little less hectic and a lot more comfortable counts for a lot. Well stated Raqi

@M. – did you have a bad experience with eating somebodys cooking? I use to work with this lady who would always bring desserts to work. I used to tear them up until she told me she had 11 dogs…

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
10:52 am

Yeah that’s true Peachy.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 28th, 2009
10:53 am

czBrat – YOU GO CHICA!! LOL! okay you made it this long so you can go ahead and sport ya ponytail! Baby steps, one day at a time. :smile:

ATL Gentleman – thank you! And I feel the same way, I love for my SO to run his fingers through my hair…so relaxing

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
10:53 am

@ImAPeach404

EXACTLY! And plus everyone does not have the same standard for cleaniness, hygene, etc. Over time I may let her cook for me but sometimes I would rather not.

And also, everyone who thinks they can cook, really CAN’T cook….thats just the truth. :)

Professor

October 28th, 2009
10:56 am

@ CZ- I will take the door off the hinges, so don’t worry about that!

@ Peach…I did more of a scrapbook and I am not good at saving things either so I had to get creative and go online. For the Hawks game I did not have the tickets, but I went online and printed off the final score and the headline from the newspapers article.

@M. that was funny about the maintenance man. Seriously I really enjoy doing things from the heart and I like receiving those special thoughtful gifts…I guess you can say I am like the line from Lyfe’s song, …someone that is slow to take and quick to give…it must be nice (cooing like Lyfe)

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:58 am

And also, everyone who thinks they can cook, really CAN’T cook….thats just the truth

Mdot i considered myself a good cook because friends & family said so & always enjoyed my meals. now that i’m with a ‘chef-in-training’ i dare not even pour him a bowl of cereal! i just step aside & say “papa, the kitchen is all yours”. LOL

$Bill

October 28th, 2009
10:58 am

CZBrat: Thanks for clearing up the car cleaning details!!

Sensual Chocolate

October 28th, 2009
11:02 am

I think I’m a pretty romantic person when I want to be. :-)

This guy I was involved with a few years ago. We planned a trip to Vegas to stay for a week to celebrate both of our birthdays (5 days apart). At the time he was in Italy and I was in Cali.
So, I got us a 1bdrm condo for the week and paid for it myself. Before, I picked him up from the airport. I had prepare his favorite foods to eat and it was his birthday on the day he arrived – so I had bake him a brownie cake b/c he didn’t like regular cake and I put happy bday and all that good stuff on it. I had candles all around the condo, I had put flower petals all over the bed and the floor in the bedroom and I had his gift (it was something that he wanted and something that he needed) in the bedroom wrapped up and I had purchase a special lingerie for that particular night. When I picked him up and we did our “we miss each other hugs and kisses”. When we got back to the place; I had him wait outside while I lit all the candles in things. He thought I was crazy at first. Like what are you doing? LOL ~ However, once he came inside and saw everything. He was surprised that I had did all of that for him.

He wasn’t a good romantic at all. He would always just take me shopping and let me just pick out what I wanted. He did one time bought me my fav movie on DVD b/c I hadn’t had it on DVD yet only on VHS. lol ~ He put it on the nightstand..and I walked in the bdrm like a million times and hadn’t seen it. So, he told me to come there and he sat on the edge of the bed talking to me and I just happened to look at the nightstand and saw the movie. I was touched b/c I knew for him…he was really trying! :)

Over the years he got a lil better at trying. He once sent me a vase from Afghanistan with I love you and my name. He also, sent me 2 dozen pink roses, a pink ipod with my name, a teddy bear and ballons for my bday.

For me, it all depends on the guy and how involved I am with him on what all I would do. For the current guy in my life if things progress in the right direction; which I feel they will be. I would do the following…

Have a picnic on the park – and play games.
Take a walk along the beach at night – just talking or whatever else it may lead too. ;-)
Go running with him.
Candle lit bath with tons of bubbles and jazz music playing in the background.
I love flower petals – so I would put that on the floor in the bathroom leading to the tub or to the bedroom.
Taking showers or hot bubble bath together.
Cooking his favorite food for him.
Surprise him with an all expense paid trip for the both of us – b/c he needs to get away and I would be good company!! ;-)
Get him football tickets for him and his son.
Make him lunch for work.
Rub his fav spot…
Give him a massage.
Meet him for afternoon sex!
Be quiet on Sunday’s when he’s watching football. lol
These are just some things I would do for him.

I’m a giver so I don’t expect much. Things I deem to be romantic for myself…
To receive a nice full body massage.
Breakfast in bed.
A full weekend break from being a mom.
A prepared meal for dinner, that wasn’t store or restaurant bought.
Clean up my house! ;-)

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
11:03 am

Mdot you know what is super romantic? Cooking together. Since you have an issue with a woman cooking for you the two of you getting in the kitchen and putting together a nice meal would be the epitome of romance. Feeding eat other little taste samples while sipping a glass of wine (or beverage of choice) and listening to some soft music can be H.O.T. So can you standing behind her with your hand on hers stirring a pot and inhaling that awesome aroma together.

Make it happen how you need it to happen.

Blue_Kolla

October 28th, 2009
11:04 am

Professor I have done the care bag when my ex was sick…homemade soup,cough medication, cough drops, crackers and juice…

And after the recovery, you just might get everything on that list of your in one day! A dude can’t stand to be sick.

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
11:06 am

@Raqi

I guess people didnt read my list :( lol that was on my post. #5

5. Let’s make a complicated recipe from start to finish (go to the supermarket, cook and interact together and eat together.)

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
11:06 am

i dare not even pour him a bowl of cereal

czBrat sharing a bowl of cereal can be romantic. Sitting on the floor or in the middle of the bed with a big bowl of cereal with two spoons while reading the paper or watching cartoons on a Saturday afternoon is romantic. And to make it even more grand let it be cold outside and raining.

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
11:07 am

Sorry Mdot I was reading from bottom of page up.

Professor

October 28th, 2009
11:08 am

Blue

You are correct, as soon as he was up and running he was pampering me! My ex never had any medication at his home and one time he was so congested that I took my vaporizer over there, of course I set it up.

Melo

October 28th, 2009
11:09 am

Would you guys find this interesting or a snooze fest? Would you read it or toss it in the corner?

That wld depend on ur guy,his mental make up…

I see my Queen doing the same type of thing.She is a hopeless romantic and wld proly do stuff like that coz she sees “romance flashing signs” in the most mundane stuff.
Give it a try tho!

For me,the most romantic thing that i did once, that really took her by surprise and for which she still talks about is when she was prego with my son,almost nine months and i send a lady home to give her a full body massage.The lady even broght all her equipment(small folding bed)etc and they did the do in my daughter’s bedroom.It was a complete surprise to her.By the time the lady was done,Queen went to sleep and the lady was gone..the house was peaceful and i wasnt even there.
Its always on her mouth.
The things she does for me that i wld consider romantic?? Funny thing is,she does stuff that,upon reflection here,u wld call them romantic but i neva think about it that way,altho i shld:
1) buys me all my underwear
2) buys me most of my dress shirts,i neva ask her to
3) she plants a kiss on my cheek as she leaves for wrk and im lying in bed,tho not asleep.
4) always packs my lunch and leaves it on the counter or fridge
5) if u like how i smell,she picked the fragrance

Anything i wld do for this woman,she will proly find romantic.She likes holding hands when we go out in public,smetimes i have to shake the hand off :lol: me being me!

I cannot list here the things i wld want her to do for me coz i think she has done more for me than i have to her.
But then,if i did,I wld have a large clothing and laundry bill coz she wld spoil her clothing and underwear at the most remote and mundane of my actions.

I kinda play hard to catch with her and her emotions.
Im sure she finds that romantic too.Its not deliberate,its just my mental make up.

Morning folks!

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
11:12 am

LMBO @ Raqi great idea! and that’s exactly what it’s gonna be cuz i’ve already tried getting his ’soft scrambled’ eggs right and failed :( cereal is now on the menu!

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
11:14 am

@Professor

LOL no worries its just funny how women have a honey do list change this light bulb, climb to the roof and adjust the satelite, wash the windows on the 2 floor, etc….

@ Guys

What do you call your list for the woman in your life and what is on this list? The Beau Do List?

Wait…this may be…chauvinistic not intentionally! Just want to hear the opinions!

@Raqi

No worries!

Professor

October 28th, 2009
11:19 am

Hey Melo!

I like that post…Queen does a lot for you…I see why you wanted to make sure that she enjoyed her birthday

Cupid's Mentor

October 28th, 2009
11:21 am

Could “detailing the car” be a euphemism?

Shondra

October 28th, 2009
11:21 am

“Romance” for me only works IF (and that’s a big if) I’m on the same mental wavelength with the other party. If we’re in sync mentally, then

the conversation is good,
trust is high,
mental and physical sensitivity to each other is high, and
there is fun and laughter.

That is romance.

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
11:28 am

Melo…

I know have a new respect for you… lol :)

M. I don’t think its so much of a honey to do list…

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
11:29 am

East Point's Own

October 28th, 2009
11:29 am

A lot of folks mentioned things they do/would do everyday such as preparing dinner, helping getting his tie right, etc…. at what point do things that were romantic become routine? I mean at some point don’t those things that happen on a schedule have to be taken off the list of romantic things???

http://hispointofview.com

Atlanta Gentleman

October 28th, 2009
11:37 am

@ East Point’s Own – Good point but given everyone’s schedule, like work (and posting on forums) it is hard to do these special things all the time. If you are lucky you can at least something meaningful everyday. I think these are things that can made to be fresh and, key word here, special if they are done out of schedule and out of the blue.

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
11:38 am

helping getting his tie right, etc…. at what point do things that were romantic become routine?

East it’s not just helping with the shirt and tie but it’s more of when and how it’s done. It’s not something to do every day. It’s the approach. The look in my eyes. The whisper of my voice. The sexiness of my grin. The gentle touch of my hands against his back, shoulder and chest.

I agree some things are just routine and that is why I did not list cooking. I cook all the time. And did not include him giving me gifts because he does quite frequently. The romance of a gesture depends a lot on the timing.

Cheesecake is my crack. But I like it even more because I don’t eat it every day.

Sensual Chocolate

October 28th, 2009
11:42 am

For me, it all depends on the guy and how involved I am with him on what all I would do. For the current guy in my life if things progress in the right direction; which I feel they will. I would do the following…

Arrange to have a picnic on the park – and play games (board games, card games, etc).

Take a walk along the beach at night – just talking or whatever else it may lead too. ;-)

Go running with him.

Candle lit bath with tons of bubbles and jazz music playing in the background.

I love to use flower petals – so I would put that on the floor in the bathroom leading to the tub or to the bedroom.

Taking showers or hot bubble bath together.

Cooking his favorite food for him.

Be quiet on Sunday’s when he’s watching football or whenever he watches his sports stuff. lol

Surprise him with an all expense paid trip for the both of us – b/c he needs to get away and I would be good company!! ;-)

Get him football tickets for him and his son.

Make him lunch for work.

Rub his fav spot…

Give him lil notes and gift cards to have whatever he wishes for me to do…or they will be filled out with something. For example: a gift card might say massages for a week…stuff to that nature keep it fun and interesting.

Give him a massage.

Meet him for afternoon s**!

These are just some things I would do for him.

I’m a giver so I don’t expect much and I appreciate most things…Some things I would like…

To receive a nice full body massage.

Breakfast in bed.

A prepared meal for dinner, that wasn’t store or restaurant bought.

To be sent flowers (my fav lilies). No candy, I do not like chocolate like that.

I’m pretty simple…so it doesn’t take a lot to make me smile.

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
11:47 am

And East that’s why I said it’s all about getting outside of the textbook gestures of romance. i.e. Candlelight dinners, walk in the park, etc.

However I do agree with ImAP when she says that when you are not getting those things it is special when you do. Textbook or not.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

October 28th, 2009
11:50 am

Mornting All :lol:

When I was in a relationship I made sure to pay attention to what my S.O. said as well as didn’t say. Some of the things I did for him were 1. A candle light bath followed by a massage
2. Several times we went to Savannah to a nice bed and breakfast for the weekend.
3. Sometimes I would cook his favorite meal and surprise him with it. 4. Wash and twist his locks when he was looking crazy(he loooved for me to wash his hair)
5. Call or text him during the day to say something sweet and tell him what I want to do to him later.
6. I always kept the type of stuff he ate/drank at my house and he acted like a kid errytime he saw it.

Some of the romantic things I would like/have gotten : 1. Detail my whip. 2. A scrapbook of our relationship(pics,ticket stubs,etc) 3. Random notes and/or flowers as a surprise. 4. Spending a rainy weekend home watching/doing stuff I know he doesn’t care for but does it to make me happy. 5. When I would start stressing/tripping he’d grab me and hold me until……..just until….

Ms. Main

October 28th, 2009
11:52 am

1. Plan/cook his favorite meals
2. Pick up/buy something nice for him
3. Send a hawt message when I know he got a scheduled conference call…(did that once and he came out and said I had to come out of the call for that one AND took a flight in)
4. Engaged with him and his son…even sweeter when his son gave my daugter an unexpected smack…on the mouth…awwwww
5. Stroke him…when he needs it

Back to the cotton fields

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
12:00 pm

Mo

I texted my current:

You’ve never read to me before…

My current: Can’t you read??

didn’t go over too well… lol

(we had “the talk”, so he’s not too happy with me right now)

Melo

October 28th, 2009
12:06 pm

Hey Proff!

I know have a new respect for you

why is that??

didn’t go over too well… lol

Find a romantic book urself and read to him a passage or 2 and hear what he has to say??
He may not be wired that way..we all dont find romance in the same things.
My Queen wants me in the room as she watches a lyfetime movie and im reading my magzne.I dont get it,but she does.

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
12:08 pm

I think one major problem or disconnect is when you find yourself with a person that is not receptive to romantic or nice gestures. I have heard of a few women and men that have or had mates that are not welcoming or wanting of the cards, flowers or gestures that their mates take the time to give.

A cold verbal response from your mate like “what you doing that for?” can be like a woman cooking her husband’s favorite meal and him taking it and throwing it out to the dog. Some people lack the emotions and heart to have nice things done for them even when it’s just to show you love them or care.

I used to work with a guy that would not give his wife flowers. He said it was stupid to give flowers and women don’t need that type of stuff. He also feels that a man that does all those types of things are not much of man but more of a simp.

Romantic and nice gestures are done to make the recipient happy. A person that doesn’t care to make me happy is a person I wouldn’t care to be with.

abc

October 28th, 2009
12:09 pm

ImAPeach, the journal sounds like kind of an extreme idea to me. If my girl did that, I’d shutup and be as gracious as possible, but I’d think it was very weird. Writing down a record of our interactions? Hmmm. Weird.

Our way of being romantic is to take care of each other, in all ways. Consideration and respect for the other that outweighs self-interest is the key. I know what she likes; I do those things. She does the same for me. At that point, any activity is romantic.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 28th, 2009
12:11 pm

Dream_n – well he may not be trying to hear anything you say right now!! LOL! Just keep a mental note of that as something you may like!

123

October 28th, 2009
12:11 pm

YAWN, you really need to do better.

me lurks

October 28th, 2009
12:14 pm

@ Pro H O E

Elijah> I spit fire LOL, because I can, but really I am never upset just cracking a few one liners…maybe I will get a gig at Uptown

NO U WILL NOT, U ARE NOT FUNNY, AND SEE WHY U ARE MAN-LESS

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
12:14 pm

Melo:

You usually talk about and discuss crude things.. so to hear you speak about ur wife in that manner and to hear what you did for her is quite refreshing….. is all :)

MO: Yeah, its hard to be nice to a person when you are going to spend your weekend moving back in with your moms :)

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
12:16 pm

ditto Mo 12:11 if you just had the talk and start talking romance his head is spinning every which way.

Professor

October 28th, 2009
12:22 pm

@Dream_n for some reason I think you mentioned throwing in the towel in a few months. Have you changed your mind?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 28th, 2009
12:26 pm

Professor – Dream_n told dude to kick rocks :smile:

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
12:28 pm

Proff..

No, the towel has been thrown in and he will be leaving this weekend… and I will be moving at the end of the month..

I sent the text to try to put some humor in the whole situatuion, but it didn’t work… it’s bitter sweet ya know…

I’m sad as hell, but trying to keep a smile on my face at work… and trying to keep from breaking down… but in the end its the best for all 3 parties involved…. me, lil dream, and him…..

Professor

October 28th, 2009
12:29 pm

@Mo/Dream I just read Dream gave him the boot…it would be funny if he came home and read her “Green Eggs and Ham,” and begged her to stay since he read her a story :grin: