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Small Gesture, Big Return

One of the things I dislike about being single and unattached is the lack of romance.  Guys can be very light on the romance in the beginning! Especially when they are trying to figure out if you aren’t a gold digger, floozie, or some awful puppy-kicking person.

When the romantic gestures finally arrive, in whatever shape, form, or fashion, I’m ready for it.  I don’t think romance is always like the romance novels or movie love kind of romance.  I have always found that the little things you do or say can offer the biggest romantic returns.

My most romantic moments would probably not even measure high on anyone’s Romantic Richter scale.  To me, however, I really felt something and was moved, and in some instances, shaken!

I always find it really interesting how differently men and women can view romance, though. So, let’s try a little experiment:

List at least five romantic things you want to do for the person you are dating now. If you aren’t seeing anyone, imagine what you would do if you met someone you felt really connected to.

Then list five romantic gestures that you would want done for you.

Ladies, let the men know what their romantic gesture would measure on the Romance Richter scale.

Guys, let us know the same. Do you think women have a hard time romancing you? Could it be that we just don’t know what romance is your book? Do you even need romance when you are dating?

Do you think that your romantic gestures would be well-received? Will the person be able to tell that it was a romantic gesture? Does it count if they don’t?

I am curious to see if we sometimes miss the small gestures of romance because we view romance so differently!

Happy Wednesday!

276 comments Add your comment

Romance, shomance

October 28th, 2009
8:23 am

We all know that it is just a game between both sexes aimed at the ultimate goal – to get some – and yes, ladies, this means you do the same thing!

Lady J

October 28th, 2009
8:26 am

and it gets so tired sometimes….smh…lol

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 28th, 2009
8:32 am

since im often considered the hopeless romantic amongst my friends, I think I would def fit that category. being romantic is just my nature (still to this day dunno if that’s a good thing or a bad thing), but i hate to be cheesy-romantic or generic/cliche romantic, because i feel sometimes it just doesn’t come off as genuine enough. but since im in a new relationship & still on that probationary period i guess you could say lol these are my five thing i’d like to do for my boothang….scratch that…insert: WILL DO for my boothang :D

1. she just got a new job @ loveculture & i recently talked to the manager bout how excited she is about working there so i thought on her first day i’d send her sum white calla lillies, since she hates roses

2. being frm louisiana & georgia & just recently moved to cali (bay area). well she like been here all her life and she has a really big pride for the bay area & all forreal she really puts on for her city no doubt so i was thinkin since she rarely gets the chance to go to san francisco i could take her away for sum downtime across the golden gate.

3. her bday is two days after vday & she’ll be turning 21 so she takin a road trip 2 to atl wit her friends, but ill be workin so i can’t come (damn military) so i thought since i won’t be able to come i’d help her out by filling her tank up, gettin the oil changed, giving her sum extra money, reserving the hotels along the way, cleaning out her car before she leaves, & slippin a lil gift card in the glove compartment. i feel like damn its the least i can do, cuz i kno all she’s worried about is what outfit to wear, what club to go to, & places to shop lol

4. Ok this might seem stupid, but although she is very much on her grown woman bi she still a lil kid @ heart and me too for that matter ya know so i was thinkin i would get her this build-a-bear & name it after her uncle meredith who passed away a while ago. he was like a big influence in her life so i think somethin to remember him by would do her some good as far as rememberance.

5. it maybe a bit on down the line & i kno they say promise rings are played out, but i believe if you make it mean something than it’s function is simply that to cement a promise that i will keep to her. i want it to symbolize the promise and let her know wherever i am in the world im still making damn good on that promise. im thinkin three stone, princess cut in white gold….idk still thinkin bout that one. oh well its a start…

all i kno is that i try to put meaning behind the things i do. i consider gestures far more thoughtful than romantic, but when i do i hope it comes across as either. as long as its appreciated, because i swear on my soul @ the end of the day when all is said and done I just wanna know i made her happy and know im thinking about her even when she doesn’t think i am. thats what makes me feel like im on my job.

Overly Simple...

October 28th, 2009
8:56 am

Because I have almost 20 years in the game…I am either the wrong person to comment here or the perfect person to comment here:

1. When my wife comes home from work, I already have dinner prepared.

2. I make it a point for us to have time together, But more importantly, I make sure she has time just for her.. No kids, no husband, no chores.. Just her and what ever she wants to do.

3 I listen to her when we talk. I try to limit distactions like the TV or the children playing. I believe what she has to say is important and i am honored that she chose to share it with me….

Panda17

October 28th, 2009
8:57 am

I’m not dating now and it’s been so long since I’ve had romance that I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like. I think to romance a guy, I might make his favorite meal and serve it to him. Or maybe a massage after a long day, (just a massage). Maybe I’ll run him a tub and light some candles, turn on a game for him to watch while he’s in the tub. I think maybe for me, some things I would like are kind of old fashioned, like surprising me by sending flowers. Going to dinner, and dancing and a nice walk. Maybe doing something to make me laugh, anyway like I said, I think I may have forgotten how to be romantic.

Good Guy

October 28th, 2009
8:58 am

Enter your comments here

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
9:04 am

GM All!

List at least five romantic things you want to do for the person you are dating now
1.have a home-cooked meal waiting when he gets home
2.invite him into my bubble bath & sponge him
3.call him in the middle of the day & suggest a hotel room for the night
4.spend a day hanging out with him & his kids
5.turn off my laptop & give him my undivided unattention

Then list five romantic gestures that you would want done for you
1.have my car detailed & serviced
2.let me sit across your lap while i play on my laptop for hours
3.kiss me & tell me to have a good time when i make plans that don’t include you (and really mean it!)
4.spend time alone with my kids
5.laugh when you feel like choking me

Do you think that your romantic gestures would be well-received? ABSOLUTELY Will the person be able to tell that it was a romantic gesture? FOR SURE! Does it count if they don’t? MOST DEFINITELY.

(czBrat now exhausted … wants to go back to bed but gotta commute. see yas on the other end.)

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:08 am

Five Gestures from me to him: (These are things that I do or have done but I don’t know if he deems it as romantic or not)

1. Button his shirt and tie his tie for him
2. Scalp massage
3. Trim his ‘stache and beard
4. Put a surprise treat in his lunch every now and then
5. Make his coffee and taste it to make sure it is just right

Five things I will like to (and probably will) do for him:

1. Send him some flowers
2. Sing for him
3. Wash his car while he watch (before it gets too cold, LOL)
4. Let him spend an entire weekend doing nothing
5. A surprise picnic lunch at his office

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:17 am

Romantic Gestures I would greatly appreciate from him right now:

1. Breakfast in bed

2. Wash the windows while I watch listening to some nice music

3. Read to me

4. Get a sitter, pick me up from work and surprise me with a night of dinner and dancing, retiring in a plush hotel and the end of the evening with candles and a bubble bath.

5. Allow me to do absolutely nothing for an entire weekend

Professor

October 28th, 2009
9:18 am

Hola,

Five things I will do for him….

1. Write a little note on a napkin or something letting him know I had a great time with him.

2. Preparing his favorite dinner

3. If he is watching a big game I do not have a problem being the barmaid…I will grab the beer, wings or whatever he needs

4. Listening to him

5. Not only will I give him a massage I will give him a gift certificate for a 90 min massage at a spa and pedicure

6. ***Bonus*** If he is out traveling I will tidy up his place and buy a little food to go in the refrigerator so that he will have some fresh fruit, drinks and beer to tie him over.

Five things I want done for me…

1. Mop
2. Detail my car
3. Help out with the small things like changing the filter for my heating/AC unit
4. I love flowers, thinking of you notes, massages and all those little things
5. Listen to me

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:18 am

Panda turning of the game for him to watch while relaxing in the tub is a good one.

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
9:24 am

Morning kiddies

Me for him:
- Bringing him a single rose and a “just because” card.
- Starting the shower for him then lighting candles around the bathroom.
- I keep a list in my phone of a bunch of random things he mentions (likes, dislikes, favorites, always wanted to try, etc.) so at any given time I want to do something “small & sweet” I just pull up the list and go from there.
- I write him letters. Simple, one-pagers.
- I will give him space now that basketball season has started :roll:

Him for me
- I’d really like to have flowers delivered.
- Cooking me dinner
- Coming and picking up my kid and giving me an afternoon/night free
- Detail my car
- Breakfast in bed
(one more: Surprise notes/gifts hidden around the house)

Great topic WD

Professor

October 28th, 2009
9:27 am

I will share this…there were times when I dated and I knew the guy cared because of how he treated me etc., but the relationship lacked that romantic tone. So, when I stepped up and started doing small things he stepped right in.

Raqi…I hope you and Mason are feeling better today. I will do the making the coffee and tasting it to make sure it is just right, and I will take the coffee to him, I guess you can say I do that in lieu of breakfast in bed.

Overly Simple...

October 28th, 2009
9:28 am

I am really surprised that so many women view Detailing the car as Romantic!!! Who would have known???? =)

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
9:30 am

Happy Hump Day :)

List at least five romantic things you want to do for the person you are dating now. (lol let’s rewind back 5 yrs.. now I can answer)

#1- I used to wait for him in his room to come home after work (night shift) and have Wendy’s waiting for him so we can talk about our days and eat his fav food :) ….. I think he’d really like if I did that again…simple but it worked :)

#2– I would like to take a boat ride around Burnen(?) Harbor just the two of us.. (and capt’n of course)

#3- I would like to pull out all of our pictures and talk about the good memories we had.

#4– He could go to a store and pick out any lingerie he finds appealing… and I’d model it for him while sipping some wine (which i absolutely hate/but he likes) and eating chocolate covered strawberries..yum :)

#5– I would get plane tickets to Puerto Rico.. So he could visit his grandmother/aunt… whom he hasn’t seen in yrs…

ahhh good times *tear*

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:30 am

Since he is not feeling well at all right now and tomorrow is our anniversary I am going to make arrangements for him to not have to go to work tomorrow. I will stay home, be his nurse and take care of him. I have 4 personal days left to use this year so I will use one tomorrow.

Being that he is not feeling well it will not really be a romantic gesture but more so of an “I care about and want to take care of you” gesture.

Overly Simple...

October 28th, 2009
9:33 am

Raqi @ 9:31

I promise… taking care of him is REALLY romantic!!! He might not feel well enough to do anything about it now, But when he fells better, I can assure you he will! LOL

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:33 am

Thanks Professor. I am pumped full of meds this morning. And he is dragging determined to not let this thing beat him. He overdosed on Nyquil last night and it gave him the opposite effect of “so you can rest medicine”. LOL

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
9:33 am

I believe what she has to say is important and i am honored that she chose to share it with me…

Overly After 20 years you still feel that way? How inspiring!

LOL at me, cz and professor wanting our car detailed!!!

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:34 am

Thanks OverlySimple. I am glad to hear that coming from a man.

Atlanta Gentleman

October 28th, 2009
9:36 am

I haven’t been dating in a while but I do remember, and miss, romance. The big thing for me is that a large part of a relationship is not so much about getting love but giving love.

During this period of time of being single I watch how couples relate to one another and it seems that there isn’t a lot of romance out there. I could be wrong but I don’t see a lot of hand holding or having one’s arm around each other. Do women shy away from these actions or public displays? For myself the part of intimacy isn’t always with the obvious goal in mind. You can be intimate without going to bed.

1. Find out what she likes and unexpectedly get her something related to it.

2. After a long day at work, draw her a bubble bath and have some relaxing music playing for her.

3. When out or even at home, stop whatever you are doing, don’t say anything and cup her face with both of your hands, look into her eyes and give her a kiss, no tongue, just a kiss.

4. Buy a card or flowers when it is not a birthday or anniversary

5. Above all else, tell her that she is beautiful and listen to her, make her feel that she is worth being around.

For myself, I’m probably wrong but I don’t think that I really need that much, have to think more about that one. But I do now that on the surface women need security while men need validation.

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:37 am

ImAPeach him taking my car to get it cleaned every other week is the norm for us. I would appreciate if he didn’t smoke his cigar while in my car. LOL While not romantic it would be well appreciated.

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
9:37 am

I’d really like to have flowers delivered

ImAPeach:

Have you ever had the edile arrangements?? They are absolutely superb.. Beautiful Decor…and a tasty treat!

Prof… Why am I not surprised mop is #1 on your list.. lol

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
9:49 am

AtlantaGent IMO subtle place appropriate PDA is romantic. The intimacy of hand holding will never die.

debra

October 28th, 2009
9:50 am

Atlanta Gentleman….#3 would totally knock me out(in the very best way)!! If a man sent me a card or flowers, or brought me my favorite bottle of wine, he’d get a heartfelt and sincere show of appreciation and gratitude….but #3….I’d go weak in the knees and stop breathing.

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
9:57 am

I will admit that I am not the most romantic person around. I also personally am VERY particular about whose cooking I eat. So she does not really have to cook for me or anything.

It would be cool if she did:

1. Plan a cool date taking my hobbies into mind and places that I have never been around town.
2. Plan a small getaway, nothing big but just bonding time.
3. Call me and come meet me for lunch.
4. Turn off the phones and technology and just talk.
5. Let’s make a complicated recipe from start to finish (go to the supermarket, cook and interact together and eat together.)

What I would do:

1. Spend my lunch time to bring you lunch in Atlanta traffic. (You work by the airport and I work in Kennesaw)
2. Allow you to sleep in saturday and I run all your saturday errands.
3. Order your favorite food from a restaurant out of state and have it FedEX here. (Im from Chicago so I could have Home Run Inn Pizza FedEX a pizza and it would need to be reheated)
4. TRY to make your favorite dessert from scratch.
5. Work out together to get her motivated about her fitness rather than criticize.

Professor

October 28th, 2009
9:57 am

@Atl Gent- I love your #3

@Dream I like a man that can mop and get the brake dust off my tires that is Sexy

I am really looking forward to taking some notes from the fellas to see what they would like done for them

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
10:00 am

Atlanta Gentleman

#3– Hand Clap… simple gestures like that make my heart melt.. :)

M. — i didn’t know you were from chicago! High five to my fellow chicago resident :)

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
10:02 am

Do guyz enjoy bubble baths?????

Hopeless Romantic Diva

October 28th, 2009
10:04 am

Romantic, aka, touches my heart to either give or receive, I want my guy:

1) Surprise me with something that he knows I like – whether it’s tickets to a concert or a play

2) Occassionally buy me flowers or a small token to let me know he was thinking of me

3) Fix something for me at my home to make my life easier

4) Spend time with me instead of his buddies (let’s me know that he values me)

5) Take me out so that I don’t have to cook

For my guy I like to:

1) Give a foot massage

2) Listen without interruption

3) Send him risque text messages

4) Fix him a delicious home cooked meal

5) Stock my fridge with his favorite beverages

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 28th, 2009
10:07 am

Morning All!!

Things I would do/have done:

Send him flowers

Make a CD of songs that make me think of him and give it to him

Make him a basket full of his favorite goodies

Read Erotic Literature to him

Bring him lunch on a whim

Mail him a love letter/sent a message in a bottle to him

Wash his hair/massage his scalp

Things I would like to have done:

Send me flowers (calla lillies or tulips, no roses)

Write me a letter

Have my car cleaned and detailed

wash my hair

Read to me

Be okay with having a good ole fashioned make out session (that doesnt have to lead to s3x)

allow me to fall asleep while laying on you :smile:

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:08 am

Mo i’m luvin the CD idea!

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:11 am

@Raqi – hang a “no smoking” sign from your rear view mirror.

@Atlanta Gentleman – on the tell her she is beautiful comment, i’d like to add this. If you discover something about your partner that they do not like about themself and tell them it’s something you like or find beautiful, it will make them feel really really good. I have moles on my face/neck and they aren’t super noticeable but i HATE them!!! Yesterday I was in the bathroom and my “friend” was all in my grill! He was like “I’ve never noticed your moles before… they are beautiful!” and his eyes just lit up and he had the biggest smile on his face. He didn’t know I didn’t like my moles – I’ve never told him. But the fact that he suddenly noticed and he loved them… man, it made me feel so nice.

@Dream – I’ve eaten an edible arrangement lol. And yes! They are tasty!

Dream_n

October 28th, 2009
10:12 am

Stock my fridge with his favorite beverages

simple but cute :)

Mo

I have never had a guy read to me… that sounds interesting… hmmm *note to self*

Professor

October 28th, 2009
10:17 am

@Mo I like this one **Read Erotic Literature to him**

I have done the care bag when my ex was sick…homemade soup,cough medication, cough drops, crackers and juice…

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 28th, 2009
10:17 am

czBrat – as much as I like music I just thought the CD thing would be something different

Dream_n – being read to is so soothing!

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:20 am

5) Stock my fridge with his favorite beverages

Thanks for reminding me of this Hopeless. Stocking the fridge and pantry of your SOs favorites is very thoughtful :)

Fellas can you provide me some honest feedback on a gesture I started??? About 3 months after we began dating, I started a journal. And basically it’s a journal to him and what I’m doing is just writing down things we did and talked about each day. I plan on giving him this as a bday present next year (November). Would you guys find this interesting or a snooze fest? Would you read it or toss it in the corner?

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:21 am

@ImAPeach 10:11 …. awwwwwwww :)

Professor

October 28th, 2009
10:23 am

Dream I had to leave yesterday, but my roll call was sort of serious :wink:

Elijah> I spit fire :evil: LOL, because I can, but really I am never upset just cracking a few one liners…maybe I will get a gig at Uptown :roll:

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
10:24 am

hang a “no smoking” sign from your rear view mirror

LMBO

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
10:25 am

@Dream_n

Yup…South Side and a Chicago Public School product!

@ Blog

It seems like a lot of women here just want a maintenance man….lol just go to Home Depot! J/K!!!

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:25 am

maybe I will get a gig at Uptown sorry, i’ll have to miss it :mad:

luv the fridge comments too. we all drink bottled water at room temp at my house. i keep a few bottles in the fridge just for when the s/o comes by cuz i know he likes em cold. simple but thoughtful.

Professor

October 28th, 2009
10:28 am

Peach

I know you said fellas, but I did a similar scrapbook for my ex and he loved it! I have done it twice and it went over well…mine were pics, movie stubs and just stuff from things we had done…and I had to substitute with going online and getting pictures because I do not save a lot of that stuff…each page had a theme and I wrote a note on what I remembered most and how it made me feel.

It went over very well :grin: I guess because it was from the heart!

ImAPeach404

October 28th, 2009
10:29 am

@cz i knoooooooooooow :D

Raqi

October 28th, 2009
10:31 am

IMO the things that touches the deepest are those things outside of the normal realm of being “romantic” or “romantic gestures”.
There are certain things that are just textbook romance. I think the most unique the gesture and centered around your mate’s personal living the better.

For husband to send me flowers is textbook doings for me. But if helped me plant some flowers or even went out and handpicked some flowers for me that would be very special.

Professor

October 28th, 2009
10:31 am

czBrat

Why would you miss my début? I plan to have a blog section!!!

M. (pronounced M dot)

October 28th, 2009
10:32 am

@ImAPeach404

Cool idea. Also, save receipts from dates, ticket stubs, etc, just to make it more special.

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:34 am

ummm, btw Mo, the hair is down today and already getting in my way. just want you to know. LOL

ImAPeach i have moles EVERYWHERE and it bugs me too (cuz they’re spreading!!) i think if my man said that to me i’d have to go ahead and take the ring.

can’t wait to see the responses you get from the gents.

czBrat

October 28th, 2009
10:35 am

Professor will you make sure we don’t get turned away at the door???

Atlanta Gentleman

October 28th, 2009
10:35 am

@ ImAPeach404 –

I would read the journal, especially if it contained your thoughts on the events or discussions. It would be another avenue into what you are/were feeling in relation to them.

@Mo –

Good list for things to do for him. Someone running their fingers through my hair and along my scalp ranks way up there with me. Ever see a dog’s rear leg move when you scratch their belly? That would be real close.